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Never again, Pepper swore to herself, will I play Never Have I Ever with Tony Stark.
She put down her glass and tried to seem unruffled. A rare, complete silence hung over the Avengers table, with Pepper at its heart.
Typically, Tony broke it first.
“Pep – you don’t have a cock. How can you have worn a cock cage if you don’t have a cock?”
“You didn’t say ‘worn’, you said ’used’. I’ve never worn one myself.”
Natasha grinned. “But you’ve used one on someone else?”
Pepper nodded. Tony groaned, covering his eyes. “Okay, can we all please stop thinking about my girlfriend stuffing some guy’s wiener into a…into a…actually, let’s all stop thinking about my girlfriend and wieners, period.”
“I wasn’t thinking about your girlfriend putting some guy in a cage,” Clint protested. “I was thinking about the CEO of Stark Industries – a strict disciplinarian – instilling order in the ranks. Demonstrating to some poor, cheeky intern type that you shouldn’t mess Pepper Potts around. That kind of thing. - Ow! What was that for?” Natasha kicked him again, for good measure.
The tips of Steve’s ears were burning pink. “Sorry, folks, could I ask what a…‘cock cage’ is?” With Thor off-planet, they had hoped to avoid the communication issues that often came up at group gatherings, but it turned out that there were a few aspects of modernity that Steve had yet to catch up with, and the more sophisticated forms of kink were one of them.
Tony sighed, and took a deep gulp of his drink. “Someone else tell him.”
Clint said, “It’s a – thing, that men put their…you’re familiar with the word ‘cock’, right? Okay, good – it’s a thing men put their cocks in to prevent themselves from getting hard.”
Steve’s blush spread across his cheeks to the tip of his nose. “But…that sounds like it would be…uncomfortable?”
“Probably is,” Clint shrugged.
“Did no-one except me notice that Bruce drank just then too?” Natasha interjected, before the Captain spontaneously combusted.
“I did,” Pepper said. Tony was lying with his head in his arms, clearly wishing he’d never taken things down this route.
Bruce still wasn’t used to drinking very much, and the alcohol had tinged his cheeks pink. He smiled.
“On your patients, or yourself?” Clint enquired.
“Myself. For a while I thought the Other Guy only came out when my heart rate was raised – for whatever reason.” He wiggled an eyebrow suggestively, and Pepper realised with a shock that the good doctor was decidedly tipsy. “So I thought it might help.”
“Did it?” Tony groaned from inside his arms.
“Yeah, how did you find it?” Clint added. He was taking far too keen an interest, in Natasha’s view.
“It didn’t work.” Bruce paused dramatically, and ended, “I just got really horny.”
Tony’s ears pricked up. “Hey, here’s a thought. Does the Other Guy get horny? How does that work? What’s he attracted to – big green trucks? Lady elephants?”
“Have you ever suggested to him that a bit of hate-fucking might deal with some of the constant rage?” Natasha put in.
“No, actually.”
“Anyway,” Pepper interjected, “I think it’s my turn. Never have I ever tied a girl to my bed and forgotten about her for a full hour because I went downstairs for a drink, found two more girls fucking on the kitchen countertop, and decided to join in.”
“Hey, that’s not fair!” Tony protested. “Go easy, Pep!”
“Careful, she might lock you up,” Clint murmured, and neatly dodged Natasha's slap.