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Another dull day to add to the ever-growing list of disillusionments, Izuru thought to himself as he entered the small forest that stood between the campus and his apartment.
The boy was weary of the same daily routine of classes and check-ups. He was becoming nauseated by the constant jealous glares and self-seeking praises—they all desired to hurt him, be him, or use him. Izuru could not comprehend why so many humans yearned to be talented; ached to stand out from the crowd. Everything eventually becomes boring and tedious, especially the check-ups—one of the wonderful benefits of being the school prodigy were the daily evaluations, both physical and mental, which aided in molding the individual into the perfect student.
He had considered running away from all of these annoying commitments, but he had no real goals to aspire. Izuru did not really care about anything or anyone, which is why he had decided to just let himself be used by the school. Better than wandering aimlessly.
As Izuru walked down one of the small paths, he noticed something large moving behind some trees a little far off from the small road. Odd. These small woods were usually empty, with the exceptions of birds and bugs. In hopes of relieving some of his boredom, Izuru decided discern the cause of the mysterious movement.
Izuru had expected many things, from an escaped zoo animal to a pair of lovers, yet his genius mind was still befuddled when he encountered the source of the stirring. The boy had found himself in a small clearing, its ground mantled by a large and thick layer of ceramic that covered the whole area. On top of the clay were large chunks of white powder and fire. The moment each lick of flame came into contact with the white substances, they expanded into large snake-like branches of brown and gold in a matter of seconds. The quantity of the powder was so great that, when burned, it created the illusion of dozens of inanimate snakes rapidly growing, coiling, and entangling into a large nest. Pharaoh’s snake, Izuru realized. This was the term given to a certain reaction which involved heating mercury thiocyanate. The result was visually outstanding, however, highly toxic, which was why he had never witnessed this reaction in such a large scale.
The strong odor that emanated from this substance began to irritate his lungs. Izuru swiftly covered his nose and mouth with piece of cloth from his uniform as he began to create some distance between himself and the ever-growing serpents. However, he didn’t leave. His mind was entrapped by curiosity.
Izuru knew the reaction that was taking place, however, he could not fathom who or why someone would be doing this, especially in such an odd location.
“Isn’t it remarkable?”
A voice spoke close by. He turned and noticed a white haired boy wearing a green jacket and a gas mask. He was sitting cross-legged on the grass as he observed the spectacle with amazement. Even through the mask, Izuru could notice a peculiar glimmer in the boy’s eyes.
“How the combination of such harmful elements could create something so beautiful…”
As the boy spoke, his eyes never left the display.
Izuru examined the boy. He had never spoken to him before; nonetheless, he was certain that the mask-wearing oddity was a classmate of his. Izuru rarely paid attention to the other students, but his photographic memory was above normal standards. He remembered all of his classmate’s faces. However, he had never heard this boy’s name. He had never bothered to know the name of any of the other students.
“It’s incredibly toxic.” Izuru simply stated through his covered mouth.
“The most beautiful things always are.” The boy answered; his eyes still lingering on the rising snakes. “Just as despair and hope go hand in hand, so do danger and beauty. Like the roses.”
Izuru was quiet for a moment, as he absorbed the boy’s words. He shifted his gaze towards the Pharaoh’s serpent once more. Izuru could admit that the sight was interesting; but that was it. Interesting and dangerous. The strong emotions that brightened the white-haired boy’s eyes were a mystery. Izuru could not understand the cause for his passionate eyes—eyes that were opposite to his.
“Why the woods? The flames could spread if one is not careful.” Izuru stated. He didn’t really care for the woods, but he was somewhat curious in understanding the boy’s mindset.
“I wouldn’t mind if the woods burned down. Flames benefit forests; increases the diversity of flora. Makes it more beautiful and vibrant. ” Although Izuru could not see it due to the mask, he could sense the boy smiling. “Fire is magnificent.”
Possible pyromaniac? Izuru thought to himself.
“But I’m not that particularly fond of fire itself,” the boy continued, as if answering Izuru’s thoughts, “but by the concept of how something destructive or painful can create hope and beauty. It doesn’t have to be fire. There are so many things that can exemplify this concept. For example, I love puzzles. I once mixed two different sets of puzzles, one thousand pieces each. It was incredibly frustrating and time-consuming but the result was remarkable.” The boy let out a satisfied sigh. “Puzzles can never be enjoyed if they are already finished. Only those who suffer through it can really appreciate its completeness.”
At first, Izuru wasn’t sure if the boy was serious. How a person can jump from puzzles to burning thyocianate and forests was beyond him. It all seemed pointless and irrational, but that boy’s weirdness was most likely the reason why Izuru had not left yet. Even if by a little, the white-haired boy revived Izuru’s sense of curiosity.
“What’s your name?”
“Komaeda. Nagito Komaeda. And you are?” The boy answered mechanically as he kept observing his creation.
“Izuru Kamakura.” He answered flatly.
At the mention of his name, the white-haired boy’s eyes widened as he finally shifted his gaze to the red-eyed boy. “Y-you’re the school prodigy.” The boy muttered to himself as he got up agitatedly, his eyes never leaving Izuru. “To think that trash like me is actually speaking to the school’s most talented student.” Komaeda exclaimed with an embarrassed laugh and a hand behind his neck. “So much raw potential for hope…I’ve wanted to meet you for a while. But that would be too selfish of me. I shouldn’t force you to speak to something so inferior. It can’t end well.” The boy kept babbling, more to himself than to Izuru.
Izuru simply observed Komaeda in silence as the boy kept blathering. The genius was used to people feeling inferior or admiring him, but never at the same time. Those who felt inferior usually became depressed or jealous. Those who admired him where the ones that either wanted to become him or use him. Either way, all of them had some sort of hidden agenda or dark emotions and Izuru could always see it, no matter how much they tried to hide it. This wasn’t one of those cases. The emotions that the boy was expressing as he kept chatting were sincere; both the inferiority-complex and pure veneration. It was an odd mixture of emotions from a very odd boy.
“I don’t mind your company.” Was all he said. He had never said this to anyone and probably never will again. It was on the spur of the moment. It had even surprised himself.
After saying those words, the white-haired boy followed Izuru back to his penthouse.
Komaeda began to visit Izuru daily, each time with a new project or idea to “bring out hope and beauty.” Izuru rarely spoke but listened to Komaeda’s thoughts and shenanigans. The white-haired boy was always passionate about something; always involved in something. He faithfully and joyously followed Izuru everywhere—the red-eyed genius was convinced that he had acquired a new puppy. The unexpressive boy accompanied by the lively classmate was an amazing sight. They complemented each other rather well; one had too much emotion and desires while the other had too little. This dynamic had created a strong tie that neither of them was fully conscious of.
After three months since they first met, Izuru became aware that Komaeda seemed troubled. The boy always appeared happy when he was with Izuru, but there was something behind the smile that had begun to bother the red-eyed genius. Komaeda had recently become more and more distant each time he visited. It wasn’t very obvious, but Izuru could tell that something was wrong. However, he wasn’t concerned over Komaeda, but felt a need to fix him—like the impulse one feels when noticing a stack of pencils perfectly aligned with the exception of one that is completely out of place.
One day, as Komaeda was drinking some of Izuru’s Earl Grey tea, the red-eyed boy bluntly asked what was bothering him. The other boy, although hesitant, couldn’t bring himself to lie to Izuru.
“Ever since I was very young, I’ve been told that the Seven Gods of Fortune have been watching over me.” Komaeda replied as he stared down at his cup with a pained smile. Izuru had never seen that expression before. “I’ve experienced multiple occurrences that most people would consider lucky; from wealth to outstanding education. I sometimes believe that it is my only talent…but it comes with a price. For every lucky incidence, an unlucky one of equal worth will follow it.” Komaeda’s eyes were glazed; all of his emotions hidden under a fragile mask. “Every time I find happiness, it is always accompanied by some form of tragedy…this time won’t be any different.” Komaeda’s eyes left the cup and searched for Izuru’s. His strained smile widened as the fragile mask began to crack, showing the concealed emotions within. “Izuru, I love the way you’ve made me feel these last few months. You’re the only one I’ve known who hasn’t glared at me with fear or negative judgment. It’s refreshing…and it won’t last. Sooner or later I’m going to lose you. You might get hurt. Or worse.”
Komaeda set down the tea cup on the coffee table and stood up. He strode towards Izuru and, without saying a word, he placed his hands on the other boy’s cheeks as he fondly kissed Izuru’s forehead. “I considered locking you up. Severing your limbs so you would depend on me and only me…but I can’t. I can’t hurt you… so I’ll settle on hurting myself.” He stalked towards the door and looked back for one last look at Izuru. “Goodbye. I won’t be visiting you anymore.”
Izuru did not say anything or follow him. For the first time, he did not know what to do. He didn’t understand what Komaeda had said. It took hours of pondering until the unfeeling boy could finally comprehend what Komaeda had been feeling, if even a little.
The next day, Komaeda didn’t appear. Or the day after that. Or the next.
Everything was getting boring again.
His passionate self was gone.
Izuru couldn’t comprehend love or loneliness, but he understood boredom and emptiness all too well. He wasn’t good at sympathizing or consoling others. He wasn’t sure what words to say to bring his other self back. He decided that maybe a present would do.
As he walked past the stores, he mused on what other people bought to those they cared about when there were problems in the relationship: chocolates, flowers, jewelry… What else? None of this felt right. He needed something to quell Komaeda’s unnecessary worries. Something to tie him to the insecure boy. The idea that came to him was so unconventional that it fit all too well.
***
Komaeda didn’t know what to do anymore. He was usually overflowing with ideas, yet his mind was at a complete blank. He missed the bottomless red eyes and warm Earl Grey tea. Komaeda yearned to return to the poker-faced boy. His presence had been so soothing and his personality so mysterious. The talents that slept within Izuru were boundless. All he needed was a desire; a drive to awaken his full potential. Komaeda had wanted to be there when it happened. He wanted to witness Izuru fully come alive.
But that won’t happen, Komaeda thought to himself. Not unless he was willing to risk abandonment. Not unless he was willing to feel the loss of death all over again.
Unable to bring himself to visit Izuru, he settled on going for a stroll through the snowy woods. This had become a habit. Everything was covered in a soft mantle of white, undisturbed by the human touch. As he walked down the snowy road, he felt dirty. He felt like death itself, contaminating the pure forest with his filthy touch. How appropriate.
Komaeda had been so immersed in his darkening thoughts that he hadn’t noticed where he was going. When he finally took a moment to observe his surroundings, Komaeda realized he had unconsciously strolled towards the small clearing where he had created the Pharaoh’s snake. The place where he first encountered Izuru. Not again. Recently, every time he walked through these woods, his legs always led him here.
However, unlike all the other times, there was something in the middle of the snow-covered clearing: a Pharaoh’s snake. It was a small one and it was decorated with small ornaments and bright red lights like a Christmas tree.
“Merry Christmas.” I calm and familiar voice spoke from behind him.
Izuru
Komaeda could feel his heart beating wildly and his stomach clench nervously as he stared into those familiar red eyes. He was unsure of whether to run away or turn around and hug the other boy. His body yearned to be embraced. It longed for Izuru’s touch…
As always, Komaeda was reduced into a mesh of overwhelming emotions and desires when he was near Izuru. It was so confusing.
His legs refused to run away and his eyes ached to see the red-eyed boy. He gave in.
Komaeda turned around, expecting to see his dear red-eyed boy wearing his usual dark clothing. What he saw, however, was red. A lot of red…and a white beard. He was probably the thinnest Santa Clause Komaeda had ever seen. Also, the least merry. Behind the jolly costume and puffy fake beard, was a pair of familiar and impassive red eyes.
Komaeda had to bite his lip in order to hold back a laugh. It was the weirdest Santa Clause he had ever seen, yet he couldn’t help but think it was the most adorable one as well. Resisting his urge to wrap his arms around the awkward Santa Clause was getting difficult.
“You’re a little early. Christmas is in five days.” Komaeda said with an amused smile.
“I know.” Izuru stated as he revealed something from under his red coat…a small black box. “I didn’t feel like waiting.”
“Don’t.” Komaeda replied immediately after seeing the box. “Don’t waste anything on me. I already told you that nothing good can come from being with me.” I’d rather leave you than wait for you to abandon me… “I’m just trash.”
“Close your eyes.” Izuru ignored Komaeda’s warning.
“But-“
“Please, close your eyes.”
Komaeda, unable to keep rejecting him, did as told. He felt something cold wrap around his neck.
“Open them.”
Komaeda opened his eyes and touched his neck. A collar. It was a black collar with small crystal stones.
“As long as you’re wearing this, you’re mine.” Izuru explained, “This collar is cursed. It binds the person who wears with the one who placed it on them; which is why you are stuck with me for as long as you choose wear it. Nothing can get rid of me now.” He tilted his head slightly to the side like a small bird, “Isn’t that horrible luck? Just as you predicted.”
…
Komaeda started laughing. He was laughing so hard that his eyes began to water and quickly freeze because of the cold. He couldn’t remember when was the last time he had laughed this hard; felt this happy.
“You’re right. Such horrible luck.”
Izuru walked towards Komaeda and wrapped his arms around him. The contact felt warm and sweet, but Komaeda could feel Izuru’s clumsiness. The expressionless boy was not used to giving hugs, but he was trying. Even if it went against his nature, Izuru was trying to express human emotion. He was doing his best for what he desired the most.
There’s finally something you want…
It made Komaeda laugh even harder. It made tears fall even faster.
The white haired boy hugged him back with all his strength. He needed to hold him tightly, to assure himself that this was not all a dream. That, in a blink of an eye, all of this would disappear as awakened in his lonely bedroom.
“Now there’s nothing more to fear.” Komaeda could feel Izuru’s warm breath against his neck and ear as he spoke. His body shivered, but it wasn’t due to the cold. Not anymore. It felt nice.
***
Since Pharaoh’s snakes were toxic, they couldn’t use one as a Christmas tree for Izuru’s apartment. However, they managed to break a small piece from the one Izuru had made and transformed it into an ornament for the tree.
On Christmas day, Komaeda gave Izuru a red scarf. It was so long that it couldn’t be worn by a single person, so Komaeda wrapped part of it around himself as well. This way, they were both tied together for the rest of the day. This made it easy for Komaeda to steal a kiss from Izuru as the white-haired boy picked up his hidden mistletoe and lifted it above them.