Archive of Our Own

“Japan’s biggest rising actor, Sugawara Koushi is said to be back in Miyagi after the recent wrap up of the promotions of his new film, Dive Into You. He’s in for a one month  vacation after the staggering success of his recent films. His agency has informed us that the young actor will have a full schedule for the next year, and he plans to spend the rest of the year back in Miyagi to recuperate and get ready for the  year ahead. We hope Sugawara-san gets the best vacation at this time! We look forward to seeing him back on our screens again.”

“Okaachan, can you please turn off the TV? I do not want to hear about myself. I’m on a vacation, you know?”

Koushi rolls over the tatami mat, their television in full volume as his mom cooks lunch in the kitchen. He could get up to turn the TV off, but his mom turned it on earlier this morning and she doesn’t like missing her morning news. He knows better than to make her miss her daily dose of hot issues. 

“You’re being overdramatic, Kou-chan.” His mom dismisses, at least Koushi can smell the familiar spicy mapo tofu that his mom makes the best. “You might be on the news but the world doesn’t revolve around you.”

Ah.

This is why Koushi loves being back home.

In Tokyo, he’s Sugawara Koushi, number one actor and the two-year winner of Men I Want To Spend Christmas With. He’s the most sought-after bachelor, last year’s winner of Best New Actor award, everyone wants to get to know him⏤his face is on billboards and he’s almost a household name. In Tokyo, he’s a superstar, untouchable as he stands at the precipice of his career. He’s Sugawara fucking Koushi.  

But in Miyagi, he’s just Koushi. He’s his mother's son that doesn’t visit as often as he should, he’s Momo’s owner that she hasn’t seen in years so when he tried to pet her she immediately tried to claw him, he’s the high school classmate that disappeared off the face of the earth and never went to one reunion. In Miyagi, he’s just Koushi. He’s his mom’s Kou-chan, he’s his friends’ Suga. He’s just a plain 26-year-old who finally visited home after years of absence.

Ever since he arrived back home last night and received the final reminders from his manager about being good and not causing any trouble, Koushi hasn’t told anyone yet about his arrival back in Miyagi. He wanted to spend the first few days of his vacation back home just rotting in his old childhood bedroom and bothering his mother to make food for him. But with his vacation being on national news, having a few days of silence seems far fetched now.

But this is Miyagi, isn’t it? Even if he’s famous now, it doesn't mean that people in Miyagi care about him like that, right? Miyagi has always been the safe space, his comfort zone, the place that will always bring him right back on the ground when the hustle and bustle of show business has swept him off his feet.

Miyagi is as humbling as it is home, Koushi doesn’t need to be reminded about that.

A flash of grey fur passes by his face, Momo walks over his head without care. It’s a great reminder of who he is in this household. 

“Momo!” He whines, sitting up and glaring at the cat who only waves its tail at him as she trudges down to the kitchen to wrap herself around his mom’s ankles.

“Don’t yell at Momo! She already has hearing problems.”

“But she stepped on my face, kaa-chan!” 

“You shouldn’t have been lying on the floor.”

Koushi laughs to himself, shaking his head as he pushes himself up from the floor. The news has shifted from celebrity news to weather reports now, and Koushi is thankful for that. With Momo stepping on his face and the news moving on from fickle celebrity news, Koushi finally thinks that he can settle down⏤get out of that actor mindset he has forced himself into in the past couple of months.

When he steps into the kitchen, Momo is sitting by his mother’s feet as his mom finishes cooking lunch. Momo is a senior cat, one that they’ve had since Koushi was in high school. At first, Koushi had been adverse to the idea of having a cat because he didn’t think that they could take care of it well with his mom being busy with her multiple jobs and Koushi being enrolled in advanced college prep classes. But Momo made her way into their house and into their hearts, what was supposed to be a stray cat that his mom feeds on the weekend has now become part of their little household.

When he thinks about it, Momo has lived in this house longer than he has. It’s only fitting that she stepped on his face without care.

“Can I do anything to help?” Koushi asks, looking around their kitchen. Everything is still familiar, his mom still keeps the plates where he knows they would be, it’s just that she has more vases of flowers and pots of plants decorating their kitchen. 

It looks livelier than before, and Koushi is happy that his mom finally has the time in her life to take care of plants. 

Sugawara Kaori is one hell of a woman, and Koushi will give her the entire world even if she isn’t asking for it. Perhaps being raised by a single mom has filled Koushi with the need to give his mom the best that the universe has to offer, but in reality, all his mom wants is this⏤for him to come home more often.

He feels that pang of guilt again, but it’s immediately pushed down when Kaori turns to him with a smile, waving her spatula around. “Go set the table, Kou-chan. And oh, you have to take Momo to the vet. She’s been having trouble breathing in the mornings and I promised Doctor Sawamura that she’ll be back for her check-up but the flower shop was so busy the past few weeks and I can’t leave Hitoka-chan to manage it alone,  so I’ve been missing the appointment. I’ve got a big client coming in tomorrow, too. Be a dear and do that for me, okay?”

Koushi walks over to their cupboard of plates, grabs utensils and agrees to the favor mindlessly. “Sure, the clinic is still at the same location, right?”

Doctor Sawamura and his clinic, Crow's Wings, have been around for as long as Koushi can remember. He’s a really kind old man, the town veterinarian, and he has known Momo since the first time they brought her to the clinic when Koushi was in high school. Koushi trusts Doctor Sawamura because he always seems to know what he’s doing and can diagnose whatever Momo is feeling with just one glance. He’s convinced that Doctor Sawamura can talk to animals. 

He wonders how Doctor Sawamura is doing these days.

“Yes, you should be able to find it quickly.” His mom tells him and Koushi makes a mental note of that. There’s no way that he’s going to forget where Crow's Wings is located, given the fact that it was his duty to bring Momo to the vet whenever she got sick back when he was in high school. 

“Our Momo should be healthy!” Koushi sings-songs as he sets the plates down. Their cat is old and weary, she’s not as lively as used to be but she can still fight and is as sassy as Koushi remembers her to be. To be fair, he’s not sure if Momo remembers him as Koushi or if he’s just some stranger lounging around in her living room. He likes to think it’s the former. 

Koushi sets the table and his mom serves lunch, Momo follows his mom around like she always did as a kitten. Somehow, it feels like high school all over again. But it’s not, not really, because Koushi has grown and his mom has grown older. There are things that he needs to make up for and things that they have learned to let go. 

When Koushi takes the first bite of his spicy mapo tofu, cooked perfectly like how his mom knows he likes it, he almost bursts into tears. (“It’s so spicy!” He claims, and the tears are definitely not caused by how much he had missed his mother’s cooking.)

He should really come home more often. 

(🌠)

Without Asahi’s help, Koushi can never be arsed to put together a nice outfit. Sure, he has all the money in the world to buy any and every designer piece of clothing, and his partnership with some brands has him raking in free luxury clothes almost every week but Koushi can’t really be bothered to care about dressing up. Perhaps when he was in university, barely making it for auditions, he’d care more about putting together an outfit. But ever since Asahi, a fumbling newbie stylist, was assigned to work with him, there had never been a time when he needed to think about what to wear.

Asahi will tell him when a certain outfit screams his personality, whatever that means. It’s Asahi who knows how to make him look good and who knows how to let people know that he looks good. He really wouldn’t have survived show business if Asahi hadn’t been his stylist.

As Koushi stares at the pile of clothes in his bedroom, he considers giving Asahi a text to ask him what to wear for a veterinarian trip. However, Koushi decides against it. It’s just Doctor Sawamura, the old veterinarian who has seen him since he’s a kid and has probably never watched any of his movies, no one would be interested in how he looks.

It’s Miyagi, after all.

So, with that thought in mind, Koushi grabs the first thing that catches his attention. It’s a pink and purple color block hoodie that he doesn’t remember buying but remembers stuffing into his luggage for his vacation. In fact, now that he’s looking at his wardrobe all spread out like this, Koushi brought quite a lot of hoodies with him. As usual, he likes dressing for comfort if not under the scrutiny of cameras or under Asahi’s tastes. He doesn’t want to give the softhearted man a hard time, so he just agrees to whatever Asahi makes him wear. 

He wears a shirt that says ‘Celine’ across it under the hoodie, and pulls on a pair of loose light wash denim jeans. Good enough. Asahi will be proud. 

When he’s done putting himself together, presentable enough to go out in public, his mom is sitting in the middle of the living room floor, rags around her and Momo lying in her arms.

“Kaa-chan?” Koushi asks, his heart dropping to his stomach at the sight. His mother has her eyebrows knitted together in worry, her hands petting through Momo’s grey fur. “What happened?” Koushi prods again as he sinks to the floor next to her, hand reaching out for Momo.

“Momo vomited while you were getting ready Kou-chan, should I come with you to the clinic?” His mom’s voice wavers when she speaks, and Koushi’s heart breaks. 

Koushi will do anything in this world to keep Momo healthy. 

“No, no,” Koushi shakes his head, “it’s okay, kaa-chan. You have to go to the flower shop and meet that client, I’ll take care of her and I promise when we get back here she’ll be healthy.” 

That seems enough to convince his mom. Kaori nods, handing off Momo to Koushi and he places her carefully inside her carrier. She doesn’t seem to be fighting him, so something must really be off if she’s just lying motionless. Good thing that she’s awake, although blinking slowly. 

Koushi doesn’t like emergencies, doesn’t like things that make his mom worry. He loves Momo too, and everything about this is just really stressful. He doesn’t want to think of the worst, doesn’t want it to ever cross his mind so Koushi steels his resolve.

He kisses his mom goodbye on the forehead, promises her again that Momo will be fine when they come back and he rushes to call a cab. He can walk to Crow's Wings usually, but this is an emergency and he needs to get there as quickly as possible. 

The cab ride to the clinic is quiet, except for the fact that the cab driver keeps glancing at him from the rear view mirror. If it’s any other  day or any other situation, Koushi might have engaged him in a conversation. But he’s too tense right now, worried about Momo and worried about his mom too. 

He pays for the cab, thanks the driver and rushes inside Crow’s Wings, there’s a bell that chimes above his head when he opens the door⏤then, Koushi almost drops Momo’s carrier when he looks at the person behind the counter.

Is he at the right place? He doesn’t remember someone working for Crow’s Wings being this good-looking. The person has his dark hair slicked back, tanned arms almost erupting out of the short sleeves of his scrubs and a cute surprised look on his face when Koushi comes bursting in through the door. 

Oh god. 

No way, Koushi. Get it together. 

He has met and worked with a lot of handsome men in his life, had even kissed some of those handsome men but he won’t tell. But this man, in the cutest pair of light blue scrubs with a cartoon puppy pattern, probably tops that list. Why must he meet him at the most inappropriate place and time? 

“How may I help you?” The staff asks, voice a little bit hoarse but sure , and oh, even his voice is so well fitting. He seriously can’t be developing a crush on a veterinary staff while in the middle of a cat emergency. Has he lost all his morals? 

“Uhm,” Koushi swallows, walks up to the counter and places Momo’s carrier on the surface. “Momo… erm, is Doctor Sawamura here? If we get Doctor Sawamura to check in on her, I think he’ll know what to do. Okaasan said it’s her routine check-up that she’s been missing and so she asked me to take her today, but before we got here she threw up and has been having trouble breathing and we’re really worried.”

The staff is staring at him, and Koushi can feel it. He feels a little self-conscious now in his color block hoodie. He doesn’t know if he’s being stared at in disbelief, in shock at how little he knows about this cat, or maybe… something that’s akin to recognition.

He should have expected that, but a part of him enjoys being recognized by this cute veterinary clinic staff. Though, that’s the least of Koushi’s worries at the moment.

“I… I am Doctor Sawamura,” he declares, and Koushi has to hold on to the edge of the counter to stop his knees from failing him. 

His mom definitely set him up.

“Oh?”

“Yes, you might have been looking for my grandfather but he hasn’t worked here in two years, I took over the clinic and I’ve been looking after Momo since. Can I see her? It’s been a few weeks since the supposed schedule of her check up.” 

Koushi nods and unloads Momo from her carrier. Carefully, Koushi hands her over to him. Momo’s tail sways behind her as she gets handed off to the younger Doctor Sawamura,  she seems comfortable in his arms and is more responsive now. Doctor Sawamura pets her behind her ears as he carries her off to the weighing scale. Surprisingly, Momo is well behaved even though she’s fully conscious now.

As Doctor Sawamura inspects Momo, Koushi gets this gut feeling that Momo is in safe hands. He has big hands, but gentle as they card through Momo’s fur. He fills out a form with his dominant hand as the other continues to pet Momo. And it’s safe to say that Koushi is a little bit distracted.

“Sugawara-san?”

“Huh?”

“I was asking if Momo had a lot to eat last night or earlier today? Did she eat at all?”

With how he has been doing his job for so long, it’s so rare that he gets flustered⏤so rare that he gets that natural flush in his cheeks due to being embarrassed. But now, he feels hot all over and not because of stage lights or of the cameras, he had been staring and Doctor Sawamura had been trying to get his attention.

Just great, really.

Koushi clears his throat. Momo meows in Doctor Sawamura’s arms. She’s totally judging him. 

“No, not a lot. She did eat dinner last night but she didn’t finish her serving? Okaasan says she hasn’t been eating a lot recently anyway that’s why she wanted to take her to the clinic as soon as possible but, yeah… the flower shop got too busy.”  

Doctor Sawamura nods as Koushi does his best to explain. His doctor appointments are also made with his manager next to him, explaining to the doctor exactly what’s wrong with him or more often, he’d get home visits from his physician because they can’t let the public see Sugawara Koushi at a hospital, too many people will worry about his health and it’ll be a headache for the company. 

So, really, he feels a little unsettled having to explain Momo’s health history to the doctor.. “I see. The last time Momo came in for a visit I had suspicions that she had gastrointestinal problems which is pretty common for cats her age, but I wanted to see how she would do first until the next check up.” Doctor Sawamura explains, tucking his pen in the chest pocket of his scrubs. Koushi will be lying if he says that his eyes don’t follow the flex and curve of Doctor Sawamura’s arm.

Momo meows again and Koushi feels like ice cold water has been dumped on him. Right. Of course. Focus. Leave it to Momo to start talking and call him out like this, really. 

“Is that something we should worry about? Sorry, I… I haven’t been home in a while so I don’t really… I’m not knowledgeable on cat health?” Koushi rubs the back of his neck. 

Doctor Sawamura chuckles, the sound of it deep and resonating in the silent corners of the clinic. Momo purrs. 

“It’s okay, Sugawara-san. I understand, that’s why I’m here, don’t worry. I’ll help you out. It’s going to be okay.” 

And here’s the thing, Koushi is the kind of person that can detect when and if people are lying. His years in the industry have honed his skills in sniffing people out, determining what exactly they want from him, he has learned how to pay attention to what people are saying and to what people are not saying. 

But with Doctor Sawamura telling him that it’s going to be okay, somehow, Koushi believes him without a shadow of doubt in his mind.

“Okay,” Koushi echoes, “she’s going to be okay.”

Doctor Sawamura picks up his forms and gestures towards Momo. “Would you be able to carry her in? We just need to do some exams and tests to see what’s going on with our little Momo here and I’ll be with you shortly.” 

Koushi nods and follows the doctor’s orders, he scoops up Momo from where Doctor Sawamura weighed her. When he does, Momo looks up at her with her eyes sharp like she didn’t just spend the morning with a health emergency. This cat is definitely judging me. 

As Doctor Sawamura leads him through the hallway where the examination room is, there’s another person in scrubs that comes out from another door. Koushi turns to greet him with a bow, he notices the name stitched on his shirt saying something like “Ennoshita” but he can’t quite read it from the distance so he settles for just greeting him like this.

The new person, probably another doctor, or perhaps an assistant, blinks⏤bows his head back and pales.

Before Koushi can worry about him, Doctor Sawamura clears his throat. “Please? Just right this way, Sugawara-san.”

“Yeah, sure.” Koushi says and bows goodbye to Ennoshita, Doctor Sawamura doesn’t introduce him so he figures it’s not that important and getting them to the examination room is more important. 

They stop at a door to the left of the hallway, and Doctor Sawamura opens the door for him. He’s met with a clean room, with equipment that looks like from the last medical drama he starred in, a steel examination table and some charts of different dog breeds plastered on the walls. Momo meows again.

“Just give me five minutes to get some of her records out and I’ll get back to you so we can continue, okay? Just.. wait here for a while.” Doctor Sawamura points at the leather waiting couch which Koushi failed to notice in his initial sweep of the room. 

“Cool,” he says, walks over to the couch and puts Momo on his lap, “I’ll be here.” 

Doctor Sawamura hangs by the door frame, still holding on to the knob and Koushi smiles at him appreciatively. Then, Doctor Sawamura bows his head and closes the door to make his leave. 

As the door shuts, Koushi hears distinct voices from back out in the hallway and he has to bite his tongue to stop himself from laughing out loud because of what he hears. 

“Is that Sugawara fucking Koushi? Respectfully, what the fuck, Daichi?!” 

“Chikara! Lower your voice! The walls are thin. Yes, that is him.”

“Oh my god, Kaori-san really wasn’t joking when she said that Sugawara Koushi is her son.”

“Of course, why would she lie? Now come here and help me pull up Momo’s files.”

Being recognized and being met with utter shock is something that Koushi should be used to, and really, he is, but he can’t help but wish he can see how Doctor Sawamura⏤ Daichi’s face, would have looked like during that conversation. 

It’s a bit absurd to him, the entire situation, how he’s here at a clinic because his senior cat has gastrointestinal problems, and how he thinks her veterinarian is cute and how the veterinarian’s co-worker just called him ‘Sugawara fucking Koushi.’ 

Momo mewls on his lap, stretching out her legs. She already looks much better from how she did this morning, she’s going to be okay. She’s breathing heavily still, but she’s responding now, at least. 

It’s really all going to be okay.

(🌠)

Since he picked up the name from Doctor Sawamura’s co-worker, Koushi has been referring to the veterinarian with his first name. When he thinks of Doctor Sawamura, he can only think about the older veterinarian, Daichi’s grandfather, so he appreciates that distinction in his brain. 

Now, Daichi has run some tests on Momo, has taken a thorough look at her and has written off a prescription for her tummy problems. He has also given her oxygen to help with her breathing. Daichi tells him that it’s common for older cats to have these problems. Momo has an early onset of pneumonia and gastrointestinal problems but she’s going to be fine as long as they give her the medication regularly. 

“So, a week from now, please bring her back for a check up so that we can see if she’s reacting well to the meds. If not, we might have to change it or reassess her situation but this should help for now. Make sure that you clean her food and water bowls and wash your hands after handling her.” Daichi reminds him as he finishes writing her prescription. He also has the medicine ready for Koushi in a paper bag and has told him that it’ll be enough to last Momo for the week. 

Koushi bites the inside of his cheeks as he watches Daichi slip the prescription in the bag. It’s not as bad as Koushi imagined but he still can’t help but worry about Momo. As much as Daichi has been reassuring and ultimately helpful, as a very inexperienced cat owner from how long he’s been away from home, he just needs a little bit more assurance about this. 

“What happens if she doesn’t get better within the week?” He asks reluctantly, a part of him not wanting to know the answer to it. 

Daichi smiles, warm and big and Koushi almost wonders why he’s worrying so much when Sawamura Daichi is Momo’s veterinarian. “She might have to get confined for monitoring but Momo’s a strong girl, that I’m sure of. I know it’s worrying when a senior cat gets sick but it’s really good that you brought her just in time so that we could prevent further health complications. Let’s try not to miss future check-ups too, okay?”   

That nasty putrid feeling of guilt washes down over Koushi. Perhaps if he had just come home earlier, if he demanded his management to let him go back home earlier then perhaps Momo wouldn’t have missed her initial check-up schedule and his mother won’t be worrying her heart out during her important client meeting today. He could have done so much better.

“But,” the deep voice breaks through his plethora of thoughts, crashing through his unease as if Daichi has read the way his mind is running, “I do understand that life can get busy, especially… well… since you’re you. And, uhm, Kaori-san is a businesswoman… uh…” 

A smile threatens to tug at the side of Koushi’s lips as he raises his eyes from Momo to Daichi. The confident, certain and sure tone in Daichi’s voice that’s been present since Koushi stepped into the clinic is slowly fading out into the background, something more bashful and uncertain coming into the foreground and Koushi thinks it’s absolutely fascinating. 

Koushi is not so far up his own ass, and if he’s going to be honest, he’s one of the few young actors these days that’s not completely up their own ass but really, there’s some fascination that comes with being recognized like this. Especially if they’re from cute veterinarians. 

He already knows that Daichi knows him, but this… it’s just really cute. 

“Hm?” He smiles, urging Daichi to continue. “I’m… me? What do you mean by that, doc?” Koushi tilts his head to the side and Momo purrs in the background. Always so mouthy, this girl. 

Daichi looks like he’s going through it. He’s red in the face, avoiding eye contact and he’s rubbing the back of his neck as his other hand gestures vaguely in the space in front of him. “You’re Sugawara Koushi! You’re… busy! You’re… you’re a superstar! So, uhm, yeah we… I understand that you might not have time… time to… for these things but, yeah. Momo’s health, it’s important.”

Koushi would often find it cringeworthy when he gets called a superstar to his face, but when it’s this handsome veterinarian in his little town of Miyagi⏤Koushi thinks it’s absolutely adorable. Superstar, huh?

“I see,” Koushi tries to bite down his smile but fails miserably, “I’m… I’m actually back here for a vacation so I’d definitely have time to take care of Momo, don’t worry about it, doc.” 

Daichi smiles at him, recovering from the embarrassment of his earlier words. “That’s good to hear then, should I be looking forward to seeing you next week?”

Great recovery, Koushi notes to himself and giggles inwardly.

“Yeah. I think so, I’ll certainly come back.” 

Daichi reminds him of a couple more things before he’s wrapping up the check up. Koushi makes a mental note of everything like he’s memorizing a script. It’s all there, ready to be let out if his mom ever asks him a question about how the checkup went. At least he has something to talk about other than the cute veterinarian. 

“Thank you so much, for everything⏤Okaasan would be happy to know that Momo is going to be alright. Thank you again, seriously.” He says. Momo is now in her carrier, calm and obedient by some miracle.

“No problem at all, I’m glad to help out. If anything ever happens to her before her next check up, please do bring her back here or give the clinic a call. I’m almost always here, anyway.” Daichi says, and then pauses as he seems to remember something.

Koushi watches him curiously as he rummages through some drawers, then coming up to him with a card bashfully⏤that faint shade of red dusting his ears again. “If you want to give me… I mean, us a call, here’s our hotline and my number as well if the clinic is closed.”

Okay.

Koushi fights his grin. He doesn’t remember the last time someone handed their number to him in a calling card, usually, people get in touch with him through his manager⏤and most people don’t even have the privilege of getting in touch with his manager either. It’s refreshing and amusing, and Koushi takes the card earnestly.

“Thank you, I’ll keep this safe!” He says, slipping the card into the backpocket of his jeans. His eyes flicker back up at Daichi, and now, Daichi has that kind of expression in his face that Koushi has seen on a lot of people before.

It’s the kind of expression that he’d usually dread, and for some reason a part of him already knows that Daichi is about to say⏤but he prompts him nevertheless.

“Is there anything else that I need to remember?” He asks, smiling to himself as Daichi pulls himself out of his doe-eyed stupor.  

Daichi hesitates, opens his mouth and closes it. Then, he clears his throat. “I hope that this isn’t inappropriate or that… you don’t take this the wrong way but… can I… would it be possible, uh, if I can get a picture with you?”

“A picture?” Koushi muses him, a smile playing in his lips. He had this preconceived notion of Miyagi that he’s just Koushi here. That people don’t know him as much as people back in Tokyo knew him, maybe he’s really just that disconnected⏤or perhaps unaware of his own popularity, but Miyagi had always been humbling so this… well this is new.  

After all, he hasn’t visited home in two years and although the places stayed the same within those two years, a lot of things have changed, too. In this familiar veterinary clinic in the heart of Miyagi, Koushi finds the convergence of the old and the new. 

Daichi rubs the back of his neck bashfully, inhaling through gritted teeth and avoiding eye contact. Daichi has been so nice to him the entire time. Koushi should be kind to him. But hey, is it a sin to find flustered guys a little cute? No one can blame him.  

“Yeah… I mean, if it’s not overstepping, really! I’m really sorry if it is, but my best friend back in vet school is such a fan and I told her that I’m the doctor of the Sugawara Koushi’s pet cat because, uh, Kaori-san has told me about you...  but she doesn’t believe me. So, like, would it be okay? She’d seriously be delighted and uh⏤”

There’s so much to take in from Daichi’s rambling⏤and Koushi can’t stop himself from smiling either. The feeling is fluttery, new and certainly not what he expected coming down to the veterinarian with a sick cat but⏤it’s pleasing, it’s nice. Koushi likes this feeling. This feeling is okay.  

“Alright,” Koushi says, “if I knew that I’d be getting my photos taken I should’ve done my make-up a little.” He jokes, straightening his hoodie and putting Momo’s carrier back down on the metal table. 

“You’re gorgeous,” Daichi mumbles and this time, it’s Koushi’s turn to be blushing. Damn . He doesn’t think Daichi meant for him to hear it, given that he said it so quietly under his breath⏤but Koushi hears it clearly.

He doesn’t point it out⏤he's not very sure how to respond to that, really. 

They huddle together for a quick photo, shoulders brushing against each other and Koushi notes Daichi’s overwhelming warmth and the gentle smell of his cologne that reminds Koushi of a forest, and early morning doses of black coffee. Koushi beams at Daichi’s phone camera, puts his hand up with a v-sign.     

Daichi snaps the photo and then steps away to keep the respectable professional distance. “Thank you very much, Yui will freak out when she sees this.” 

Koushi laughs. He doesn’t know who Yui is yet, but he knows that she’s someone that Daichi is very fond of just from the way he speaks about her. And to think that she’s his fan too⏤that’s pretty wonderful.  “No problem, let me know how she reacts⏤maybe I can give her my sign too? I mean… not to impose⏤” 

“Oh my god, yes⏤please, thank you. I thought the picture was too much so I didn’t brave the autograph. She’ll definitely love it. Thank you! Now where did I put that paper…” Daichi scurries away to rummage through his drawers again, looking for a piece of paper acceptable enough for an autograph. 

He talks to him about Yui and about how she made him watch Koushi’s debut movie multiple times as he looks for the piece of paper. In return, Koushi shares some stories that happened during filming that won’t breach his NDA. He finds himself oversharing about the fact that he had so many bloopers during the kiss scene because he was so nervous. Daichi listens eagerly, even tells him bashfully that he thinks that the kiss scene was really great. 

Koushi likes this, he really likes this. 

(🌠)

Even though she doesn’t say it or admit to it, his mom definitely set him up. When he confronts her about not telling him that it’s a different Doctor Swamura working at the veterinary clinic now, she just shrugs her shoulders at him, chuckles and then proceeds to give Momo her meds. 

His mom is not going to entertain him if he asks things about Daichi, that’s for sure. Something about working for things himself, the mindset that she has imparted on him since he’s a child. 

But Koushi knows one thing and really, one thing only, his mom likes Daichi enough for her to set him up like this. Even using Momo⏤ that he truly find ludicrous. 

He knows that his mom is worried about him, being alone in his loft apartment and the filming with an early call time and they don’t pack up until the next morning. He’s not very good at taking care of himself, and he knows that he’s not very good at letting his mom know that he’s doing well but he doesn’t think dating will solve that problem. A veterinarian from Miyagi will not solve that problem. 

His life is just too complicated right now to tie another person in his mess. Sure, he recognizes the fact that Daichi is cute and smells really good and would probably be good at being the big spoon, but he doesn’t have to act on his feelings. He’s been doing that for the longest time, show business will have you clenching your jaw and balling your hands into fists just to repress what you truly feel, to keep the image and to maintain the status quo.

And him being in a relationship is something that’s going to break that status quo⏤he’s worked too hard and too long to let everything go just because he thinks someone is cute, or just because he craves the warm touch of another. He’s stronger than that.  

Being alone is one of the certainties in Koushi’s uncertain life. He can’t be like his high school friends who are now settling down and finding nice people to form a family with. Like Kiyoko, for one, the only person from high school that Koushi has kept in constant touch with through his life. 

Kiyoko is possibly the only person in this world that he can call his best friend, no matter how busy she is or how occupied she is with other matters⏤if Koushi calls, then she’ll certainly answer. Koushi likes to believe it’s the same for him too. In fact, the reason why Koushi went back to Miyagi two years ago was to celebrate her child’s Omiyamairi. He was filming a movie then, and Koushi pulled all the strings just so he could make it. 

He may be alone in the romantic sense, but he’s not lonely⏤Kiyoko, and the rest of her small family will make sure of that.

And of course, he won’t miss the chance to catch up with Kiyoko on his vacation back home.

That’s how Koushi finds himself here, in Kiyoko’s bookstore a bus ride away from his house. The bus ride had been interesting, he had his face hidden behind a face mask and the recognizable silver of his hair tucked under a baseball cap. The bus driver doesn’t seem to recognize him, which is good, and Koushi finds a spot at the back of the bus. It brings some sense of normalcy to him, something the regular hustle and bustle of his daily life has deprived him of for some time now. 

It’s the first time Koushi had ridden the bus in years, and he’s so thankful he didn’t fumble when paying the fare.

In a way, Kiyoko’s bookstore also reminds Koushi of a life he used to live and shows him a glimpse of a life he can’t live.

Because in Kiyoko’s bookstore, Reiko is here, the lovely two year old who seems to be so attached to him even though it’s the first time Koushi has seen him since her omiyamairi.  

He has seen her grow up through videos that Kiyoko sent and the video calls from time to time when he’s free, but it’s the first time in two years that she’s meeting him and Koushi is going to cry at how adorable she is.

“Reiko-chan loves uncle Koushi the most, doesn’t she? Doesn’t she?” He coos, picking up the toddler into his arms and letting her wrap her small arms around his neck. 

Kiyoko is behind the counter, her hands busy with logbooks and data as Koushi keeps Reiko entertained. Her husband, Ryuunosuke is at work at the local gym as a personal trainer and Reiko spends most of the time with Kiyoko in the bookstore. 

“Don’t let Ryu hear you, he’ll cry.” Kiyoko kids, not once lifting her eyes from her logbooks and computer. Koushi frowns at her then turns back to Reiko, who’s more than happy to physically push his sadness away with her tiny hands. 

“No cry.” Reiko babbles, her palms pressed against Koushi’s cheeks as she pushes them up into a smile. With much effort, Koushi manages to bear his teeth in what resembles a smile. “Smile!”

“Yes, Reiko-chan, no cry! We only smile in this household!” Koushi muses the toddler, who has let go of his cheeks in exchange of giving him a tight hug. He can barely breathe, but if this is the way he’s going then he can’t be more thankful than this. 

“I’m surprised she warmed up to you so quickly.” Kiyoko says as Koushi sits on the counter, Reiko is still attached to him securely. The two-year-old immediately reached out to him when he entered the bookstore,  and Koushi was more than happy to give her a lift.

Koushi clicks his tongue, tucking Reiko’s short hair behind her ear. She has a little ponytail on the top of her head that’s poking his cheek but he doesn’t mind it at all. “Why won’t she? We talk all the time! Right, Reiko-chan?”

Reiko only nods, and Koushi isn’t certain if she understands what he means but the most important thing now is that Reiko is comfortable with him. He doesn’t think that he can handle the heartbreak if his only goddaughter ends up disliking him. 

He continues to chat with Kiyoko as he carries Reiko in his arms, the toddler slowly falling asleep as Koushi cradles her. It’s almost nap time too, according to Kiyoko, so it makes sense that Reiko is dozing off to dreamland. She doesn’t seem to mind as the two noisy adults around her catch up, she’s perfectly sound. It’s a miracle that there are no customers yet as Reiko falls into her nap.

He has to admit, carrying a two-year-old in your arms for an extended period of time is exhausting but he’d rather have sore arms for the rest of the week than disappoint Reiko and put her down. By the time Reiko completely falls asleep in Koushi’s arm, cheek pressed against his shoulder, Kiyoko has finished her bookkeeping.

“Is she sleeping?” Kiyoko asks , moving out from the counter to meet with him across it.

Koushi lifts his shoulder a little to check on Reiko and laughs when he sees her sleeping face. She has her mouth open, eyes-half closed even though she’s deep in slumber and her entire weight is depending on Koushi to keep her up. Looks exactly like her dad. “Yup, completely asleep. I think I’m good at this.”

Kiyoko reaches out her hands for the toddler, and Koushi hands her over carefully so as to not disturb her. Reiko is still asleep, even as Kiyoko adjusts her head against her chest. It amazes Koushi how fast kids can switch energy levels. At the same time, it also reminds him of himself the moment the directors call cut and all of his exhaustion catches up. Maybe he is still a kid.

“Yeah, I think you are good at this too,” Kiyoko says, offering a warm smile as he pats Reiko on the back of her head. 

Huh. Koushi hasn’t really thought much about this, and he really only said that jokingly but now he’s suddenly thinking of the image of him as a father, an entire tiny person completely dependent on him and looking at him to protect them at any cost. His brain short circuits. 

“Can you man the counter for a while? I’ll just tuck Reiko in and I’ll come back shortly. If a customer comes in, just stall them a little bit until I get back.” 

“Oh sure,” Koushi says, breaking out of his own stupor and shaking his head to himself, “I’ve had a customer service job for a bit, I think I know how to handle a cash register.”. 

Kiyoko glares at him, her dark eyes glinting over her glasses. “Don’t you dare.”

“Kidding, kidding. Go ahead and tuck Reiko-chan in, I’ll be here.” Koushi waves her away to the back door that leads to the staff room, or in this case, Reiko’s makeshift bedroom whenever Kiyoko has to take her with her to work. Kiyoko is a businesswoman and a mother at the same time, and Koushi has nothing but admiration for his life-long friend.

When Kiyoko disappears into the back room, Koushi takes a minute to look around the bookstore. He hasn’t been here in years and he hasn’t been able to take a look around since Reiko grabbed his attention the moment he got here.

The shelves are still full with books like he remembers them being, but there are gaps and spots from where customers have grabbed books and taken them home with them. The catalogue has definitely expanded, and Kiyoko has added a couple more shelves and stands to accommodate more genres of books. The yellowed wooden walls have been repainted with a fresh layer of beige, the lights on the ceilings are brighter than they were two years ago and the big windows allow the natural light to filter into the store.

Koushi’s heart expands tenfold as he takes in the sight.

Kiyoko’s dreams have finally come true. A good family with a good man, her own bookstore in the middle of the town, it’s all Kiyoko ever talked about in high school. He’s so filled with emotions that he wants to leave the counter, rush into the back room and give her a big hug.

Koushi doesn’t get the chance to do that, however, because Kiyoko exits from the staff room just as he gets through that train of thought.

His eyes begin to water when they lock eyes, his throat locking up as he slams his hands on the counter. “Kiyoko!” 

“What’s gotten into you?” Kiyoko jumps a little, raises her brow at him and begins to maneuver him out of the counter by the shoulders.

That doesn’t stop Koushi though. “Kiyoko-chan! I’m so proud of you!” He wails, voice bouncing off the shelves and walls, flinging his arms around her neck. “You’re such an adult! You’re a grown-up grown-up! I can’t believe it.”

“Koushi!” Kiyoko bats his shoulder, prying his arms away from her neck but small bouts of laughter escape her anyway. “If you scream that loud enough, you’re going to wake up Reiko and I don’t have to tell you that she gets grumpy when her nap gets disturbed.”

Koushi wills himself to calm down, taking in a deep breath and letting go of Kiyoko. He brings himself out of the counter with Kiyoko’s pushing, but hops up so that he’s sitting on the small space not occupied by books and other references. 

“So, really, what has gotten into you?” Kiyoko coaxes once again, and this time, Koushi can no longer hold it in. 

He exhales through his nose, hands clasped together in between his legs as they dangle over the edge of the counter. “Nothing… I was just thinking about how much of an adult you’ve become.” Koushi swallows, Kiyoko’s silence allowing him to be true and candid.  “You’ve changed a lot since highschool⏤and for the better, I’m so happy for you. That’s all.”

“Me? Changed?” Kiyoko laughs, hearty and full as he presses her hand to her chest. Koushi narrows his eyes at her. “Sorry, I don’t think I changed much. You’re one to talk about change.”

“I haven’t changed! I’m still a baby. I still feel like I’m in highschool sometimes.” Koushi retorts, crossing his arms over his chest in his defiance.

Kiyoko starts to file away her logbooks, tucking them on a shelf under the counter. “I think you’ve changed a lot, and it’s the changes that you don’t see unless you look at it from the outside. And, it’s for the better too, Koushi. I promise.”

“Urgh, I don’t like it when you speak all fancy. ”

Kiyoko claps her hand on his back once, then pushes him off the counter. Koushi makes it in time to land on two feet. “I’m just saying the truth, I know it took you a huge deal of growing up to reach where you are now, so don’t cut back on the credit that you give yourself. I think you might even be more of an adult than I am, really.”

Koushi, regaining his balance and trying to digest what Kiyoko is telling him, bites back. “I doubt that.” 

The industry has toughened him up, but he doesn’t think that he is more of an adult than Kiyoko. If ever there is a scale of how much someone has grown into a person that can provide adult supervision, he and Kiyoko would be on opposite ends of the spectrum. Kiyoko manages her own business, is raising a beautiful child and has one of the healthiest marriages he knows of. Koushi isn’t the marrying type, but if ever he is, he’d definitely want something like what Kiyoko has. 

But Kiyoko is done speaking about this, she’s not going to provide Koushi with any more opportunity to talk himself down so Koushi quits it too, begins to snoop around his shelves as silence once again envelopes the two old friends. 

Comfortable silences. It’s really their thing.

“Oh, and speaking of highschool,” Kiyoko says after a while as she pulls out an envelope from under a stack of books on the counter. Koushi’s eyes zoom in on it, the black and orange seal of their highschool keeping it secure, and Koushi can’t help the gasp that escapes his lips when he sees his name written on the envelope.

“No way.” Koushi walks back over to the counter from where he has wandered off to the Horror section of the bookstore.

“I haven’t even told you what it is.” Kiyoko thrusts the envelope into his hands, rolling her eyes at his theatrics. “It’s an invitation to the highschool reunion… they told me to hand it over to you if I ever get the chance because they’ve been trying to get to you for a while now but of course, they can’t do that so easily. So, here it is.”

“Ugh,” Koushi groans as he reaches out for the envelope, fingers twitching as they meet the smooth material of the paper, “do I have to?”

Kiyoko shakes her head. “You don’t have to, I’m just giving it to you. I’ll come with Ryuu and I’ll have my mom look after Reiko. So, it’s really up to you, it’s not mandatory but I’d like you to know you’re invited since you’re in town anyway.”

Koushi stares at the envelope in his hands, it’s as unthreatening as every other piece of paper in Kiyoko’s bookstore, but the implication of the message within it is what Koushi dreads the most.  

High school is certainly not the most fun time in his life. He was part of the theater club⏤the reason why he’s even an actor in the first place, and he had a lot of friends but it also meant that he had a lot of people who didn’t like him. But it’s been years ago, hasn’t it? He cut off all ties with all the people from high school and has never said one word to them since graduation⏤except for Kiyoko, of course.

But if the reason for his vacation back home is to reconnect with the people from his past, why not entertain the idea of going to their high school reunion too?

What bad can it bring?

He tucks the envelope in his pocket and sighs. “I’ll think about it. Anyway, we should get some snacks! You don’t have any customers anyway, I’ll go and order food, sounds good?”

“Whatever, as long as you pay.”

“Of course I will! What do you think of me?”

 (🌠)

[take-chan]
Koushi! How’s Miyagi going? 

[you]
take-chaaan what is this message? am i in trouble??? ive been behaving like you told me!!!!!
i promiseeeeeeeeeeeee
u can even ask my mom :< 

[take-chan]
What?
Oh. Silly. I was just checking in on you.
It’s a little weird not having you texting me all the time asking for the silliest things.
Don’t bother your mom too much. 

[you]
😒😒😒
aww my manager misses me already
also my mom birthed me into the world knowing i would bother her
she has no getting out of this!
but miyagi has been good!! ive been catching up with friends.
did anything happen tho??? 

[take-chan]
I’m really glad to hear that, Koushi.
I hope that this vacation becomes healing for you.
Uh, yes, actually. But I hate saying this while you’re on vacation but I just wanted to give you a heads up early.
The first draft of your script for the drama next year has been submitted! It’s going to be finalized in the coming weeks so expect an email with the script soon.

[you]
ohhhhhhhhh
okay
alrightyyy the title is still “irreplaceable” right? lol.
still think it’s kinda corny LOL 

[take-chan]
Yup! Don’t say that, Koushi.
And I do hope you haven’t forgotten the plot… 

[you]
OF COURSE NOT I CAN EVEN TYPE IT ALL OUT NOW. 

[take-chan]
No need, Koushi. I’ve taken up enough time from your vacation!
Go enjoy the rest of it! Filming starts January, keep that in mind.

[you]
yesssirrrr
miss u too take-chan!!! thank u for taking care of me <3  

[take-chan]
👍👍👍

(🌠)

[bff & reiko 💖💖💖]
IMG_2345.jpg
Look at her.
Reiko is asking when you’ll be back.. 

[you]
OMFG……. REIKO-CHAN!!!!!!!!!
UNCLE KOUSHI IS COMING
im coming over for dinner, tell ryuu to cook for 4 ppl pls

[bff & reiko 💖💖💖]
Haha!
He already did!
You’re welcome at any time, Koushi. 

(🌠)

The past couple of days have gone by without any incidents. Momo has been eating well and she's taking the medicine that Daichi gave her. She usually puts up a fight with the meds if it’s Koushi feeding it to her but whenever Kaori is at home and can give her medicine, she’s as obedient as an angel.

This cat, seriously.

He’s once again tasked to bring Momo back to Crow’s Wing, not because his mom is busy with the flower shop, but because he insisted. Plus, he did promise Daichi that he’d be back here like scheduled. And can anyone really blame Koushi for wanting to see the cute veterinarian once more?

It’s not like he’s going to do anything, really. He’s just going to bring his cat in for a follow up check-up and admire from afar because that is all he can do. That is all Sugawara Koushi is allowed to do.

There’s a pile of clothes on his bed again, but this time he has stowed away the bunch of hoodies that dominated his options a week ago. He doesn’t battle himself over sending Asahi a text message this time, he takes a photo of the clothes laid out on his bed and asks Asahi: what u think?

Asahi replies to him no more than two minutes later. Where are you going?

And Koushi dismisses that with: pls just tell me what u think…

It’s five minutes later when Asahi sends him back the same photo, except this time it has check marks on the beige Burberry trench coat, the white turtleneck sweater, the denim jeans that are ripped slightly at the knee and a thin Gucci belt he doesn’t remember bringing with him.

Koushi sends him a text filled with kissy emojis as a way to show gratitude.

When Koushi steps out of his bedroom, hair slicked back and his belt tight around his waist, his mother raises her eyebrows at him suspiciously as she puts Momo inside her carrier.

“You’re going to the clinic, Kou-chan…” 

“Yes, I am doing that.” He agrees, beaming at her with his megawatt smile as he approaches her and Momo, who’s definitely staring at him through the gaps in her carrier.

Kaori looks at him from head to toe, and Koushi shudders just a little. Why does he feel like he’s going to get scolded somehow? He didn’t dress up so nicely just to get scolded today.

But his mother doesn’t scold him, instead, she turns around and makes her way to the kitchen⏤chuckles, then says,  “I knew you’d like him.” 

Koushi whines, stomping his foot and grabbing Momo’s carrier. “No! I don’t! Bye, ‘kaa-chan! I’m going!” 

He hears his mother laugh at him as he exits their house. Of course. 

Of course his mother sees right through him, and of course his mother is right. Goddammit. 

It’s just a crush, anyway. Koushi recognizes it as a crush, and a little crush has never harmed anyone, right? 

The ride to the clinic feels too fast, the buildings and trees  outside of the windows blurring out as the cab driver plays radio music that reminds Koushi of the early 2000’s. He’s been mentally preparing himself for this for a couple of days now but he still feels underprepared⏤more nervous than he had been at his last script reading. 

He steps into the clinic, and the walls are more familiar now than they did the last time he was here. He knows the people working here now, and that is enough to make Koushi feel more comfortable. He has been taking care of Momo too so he knows how to answer any and all of Daichi’s questions this time. And Momo is in a hundred times better situation than the last time he was here. He’s going to be fine, just fine.

Koushi is fully expecting Daichi to be behind the counter when he opens the door and bows his head confidently in greeting⏤but Daichi isn’t there, instead, there’s his co-worker who Koushi remembers saying ‘Sugawara fucking Koushi’ or something along those lines. 

He smiles at him nonetheless, the deer in the headlights expression on his face even more evident now that he’s up close.  

“Hi,” he greets, “I’m here for Momo’s follow-up checkup? Um, she’s scheduled for today.”

Ennoshita stares at him for a little while longer, but he catches himself before it starts to become uncomfortable. 

“Oh, yes, of course! Daichi’s been looking forward to seeing you again.” Ennoshita smiles, ducking his head to lean over to the computer screen in front of him, typing away into his keyboard.

Daichi has been looking forward to seeing him again?

He shouldn’t overthink that, it’s just Ennoshita making small talk with a client and it doesn’t mean anything. But why does he feel elated by that? Why does the thought of Daichi looking forward to seeing him again makes him excited? It’s a feeling he hasn’t experienced in a while that it almost feels new.

“Oh,” Koushi exhales, “well, I’ve been looking forward to seeing him too. Momo, too, of course. She’s been doing so well with her meds and all…”

Ennoshita chuckles, his eyes turning up  into crescents as he does. “I’m glad to hear that,” Ennoshita stands up from his seat, “let me walk you to the examination room. He’s just cleaning up after an earlier check up but he should be ready for you.”

Koushi allows Ennoshita to lead him down the familiar hallways. He makes small talk with Ennoshita, mostly about Momo, and he learns on the way there that Ennoshita has been working with Daichi for over a year now. That explains why everyone in the clinic is a stranger to Koushi.

He doesn’t get the chance to ask about the older Doctor Sawamura though, because Ennoshita has led him to the same examination room. The door opens to reveal Daichi’s back turned to them. He’s hunched over some medical supplies, boxes of surgical masks and gloves, there also seems to be a bottle of antiseptic solution to his side.

“Hey,” Ennoshita calls out, and that seems to pull Daichi out of his trance as he turns around swiftly to face them⏤eyes darting immediately over to Koushi.

Koushi smiles, raises Momo’s carrier and gives him a small wave.

“Sugawara-san is here. I’ll be right outside if you need any help!” Ennoshita bids his goodbye, closes the door behind them and leaves them alone.

“Hi,” Koushi greets as he walks over to the examination table. He puts down Momo’s carrier like usual, takes off the flap and Momo peeks out from where she’s sitting. 

“Hi,” Daichi mirrors, an easy smile stretching his lips as he walks over to where Koushi and Momo are, “how’s our little Momo doing?”

Momo purrs when she hears her name, head turning to Daichi and leaning against his palm when he reaches out to pet her. 

“She’s doing well! Okaasan feeds her the medicine because she fights me when I try to, but I do my best.” Koushi follows it up with more updates on her eating habits and breathing patterns. She’s been doing significantly better, and the way that Daichi’s eyes light up as he updates him on Momo makes Koushi want to talk more⏤even though he had already told him everything that he can possibly tell Daichi.

“That’s really great! Seems like we won’t have to change her medication after all. Such a good girl, aren’t you Momo-chan?”

Momo meows, yawning as she stares up at Daichi, pupils dilated. 

How dare she act cute in front of Daichi?

“But, we have to double-check to make sure she’s all good to go.” Daichi adds, then looks up at Koushi with a smile. 

“Yeah, we should.”

(🌠)

It’s not that he expected Daichi to compliment his outfit, or tell him how good he looks. He knows that Daichi is a professional and is good at his job, so then, why is he disappointed that they’re nearing the end of the check-up and Daichi hasn’t once said anything about how he looks? 

And to think he even asked Asahi for advice about this outfit. Shame.

Oh, well. It’s probably the last time that Koushi will see Daichi, isn’t it? It’s Momo’s last check up this month and by the time her next appointment rolls around, Koushi will most likely be back in Tokyo to film his upcoming drama. 

Ah, how unfortunate. 

The crush is dying as quickly as it started, fizzling out before it boils over. It’s something that he’s used to, but that doesn’t mean he can’t feel disappointed about it anymore. 

“Alright,” Daichi says as he finishes writing Momo’s prescription, clicking his pen and slipping it inside his chest pocket, “just continue the medication for one more week and after that, she should be all done with it. If anything else happens, just bring her back. But since she’s made such a fast recovery, it looks like there won’t be a third visit any time soon.”

Koushi is quite torn at the news Daichi tells him. Of course, he’s glad that Momo is healthy and doesn’t need further medical attention, but there’s a part of him that feels dissatisfied at the fact that he can’t see Daichi anymore after this.

“Thank you, it’s because she has such a wonderful veterinarian,” Koushi compliments, glancing at Daichi who immediately goes red at the compliment.

It may be the last time that he’s seeing Daichi and he might not have gotten the compliment he wanted from him, but he’s glad to know that he still has the same effect. 

“Oh, I’m just doing my job, really.” Daichi’s hand comes up to rub the back of his neck, and breaks off eye contact by staring at his shoes.

Koushi can’t stop staring at him. Daichi reminds Koushi of a big, fluffy teddy bear⏤large and warm, he’d probably be so good at cuddling. 

“I can really see why Sawamura-san handed the clinic over to you.  You are as skillful as he is.”

There’s a somber look that flashes over Daichi’s features, eyebrows knotting together and eyes casting downwards. His lips are pursed together and Koushi is struck with guilt, his stomach dropping because it definitely feels like he has said something wrong. 

He clears his throat, Momo purrs. “H-how is he doing these days, by the way?”

The odd tension stretches, and when Daichi looks back up at him, there’s a sad smile on his face.

“He passed away two years ago, that’s why I took over. I originally was practicing back in Osaka, but since… since his death, I… I’ve been handling the clinic since then.” Daichi explains, his shoulders tense as he tells Koushi this story.

Oh.

For a moment, Koushi sees how vulnerable Daichi has become, with the sigh in his voice and the tears welling in his eyes. 

Koushi doesn’t really understand grief all that much. In his life, it’s always been just him and his mom, he hasn’t experienced something like this so he doesn’t have a good grasp on how Daichi is feeling right now. He doesn’t really know what to say but there’s something that he wants to tell Daichi, something that he knows is true. 

“I’m sure that he’s proud of you, Daichi-san.”

Maybe he should have asked his mother first about what happened to the older Doctor Sawamura instead of asking Daichi directly, but he doesn’t have the time to regret it now that Daichi’s sad smile is shifting into something happier. His smile  reaches his eyes, and it’s only now that he notices the whiskers in his cheeks when he does. 

“I mean, I didn’t know him personally but I knew him as someone who is great at what he does. I’m certain that if he sees you doing so well managing his clinic, he will definitely be proud of you.”

Daichi beams at him. “Thank you, Sugawara-san. That really means a lot to me, seriously.”

Koushi waves him off, chuckles and then shakes his head. “I’m just telling the truth! Anyone can look at you and see that you’re doing so well. And, Sugawara-san feels like you’re calling my mom. Just Koushi is fine, or Suga, that’s what my friends call me.” 

“Okay,” then, after a beat, “Koushi then. And well, Daichi-san is good, but just Daichi is even better.”

If Koushi thought that he’d be getting over his crush the moment he steps out of the veterinary clinic today, well he couldn’t have been more wrong. 

“Okay, Daichi.”

(🌠)

Over a week into his vacation, Koushi has already become so restless.

Life at home is great. Koushi wakes up late, orders food if his mother didn’t leave an already cooked meal for him during lunch. He feeds Momo and plays with her after lunch, and in the afternoon if Kiyoko isn’t too busy, he comes to hang out at her bookstore. He makes dinner for when his mother returns  from the flower shop, and watches her primetime drama with her. 

(“Kou-chan, it’ll be great if you star in a primetime drama too. I’ll ask all my friends to watch.”

“I’ll ask my manager to book me one next time, ‘kaa-chan.”)

He’s still thinking about that high school reunion invitation from Kiyoko too, but that’s it. That’s all that’s been occupying his time ever since he got back home. 

Koushi is used to going from place to place, getting hauled by his manager and being pushed into an outfit by Asahi before he even has both of his eyes open. He’s not used to not having a fully packed day where every waking hour is scheduled down to the last second.

He has forgotten how mundane life can get. And even without admitting to it, Koushi is having trouble dealing with the mundane. 

Certainly, he missed this, he missed not having to do anything, he missed not being under the spotlight. But he has been under the spotlight for so long that being away from it makes him feel like a sunflower without sunlight. 

He has so much pent-up energy, and he’s even resorted to cleaning the entire house because of it (to which Kaori is certainly thankful for). He’s down to his last resort⏤exercising in the morning.

He always made time to exercise back in Tokyo, whenever he could squeeze it in the middle of his hectic schedule. But he’s on a vacation, he doesn’t have to exercise while on vacation. Right? 

Koushi doesn’t have to, but with nothing else to do, he ends up wanting to exercise now too.

So that’s why he sets his alarm up for 5 in the morning, gets out of bed at 5:30 and ties his shoelaces up at 6:00. Momo stares at him from the couch as he does so, his mother still soundly asleep in her room. 

“You wanna go out for a walk, Momo-chan?” Koushi asks as he stands up, grabbing his phone and keys from where he left them on a nearby shelf. He also snatches the old baseball cap he bought back in middle school that's been dangling from the coat rack for god knows how long. 

Momo only meows at him, turns away and then tucks her face behind her paws. 

“Okay, no walks then. Go back to sleep.”

Momo doesn’t respond after that, and Koushi watches the steady rise and fall of her breathing as he backs out of the house.

When Koushi steps out of the house, the sun has already risen in the sky, greeting everyone it grazes with its warm rays. The weather isn’t too cold yet either, and Koushi’s light jacket over his shirt is perfect for the occasion. The cap over his head blocks out the bright sun, and it’s going to be a good day. Koushi is certain of that.

He doesn’t really have a planned route for today’s jog, but he definitely wants to take the uphill hike in the mountain where the high school athletes used to run. Will he survive it? Probably not while jogging, but he can just take a walk and snap some photos while he’s at it. He hasn’t stopped to smell Miyagi’s flowers in a while. 

The jog begins uneventfully, he doesn’t run across a lot of other joggers and he has seen more crows than people around the area. 

It takes about ten minutes before he’s switched from jogging to walking, taking photos of the flowers and the trees and sending them to Kiyoko just in case she hasn’t seen the flowers in this trail yet. He’s crouched down near a bush of yellow flowers when someone calls out his name, and Koushi jumps up in surprise⏤like he got caught in the middle of doing something illegal.

“Koushi!” 

The low rumble of the voice hits Koushi like a tidal wave. He turns around, eyes wide open as his sight lands on Daichi, jogging over to him.

He’s dressed casually, in a shirt that fits just right so the material hugs his chest and arms, taslan shorts that ride up a little on his thighs as he runs over to Koushi. It’s the first time Koushi is seeing him outside of his workplace, outside of his cute patterned scrubs, and his brain is malfunctioning.

If he thought Daichi looked good then, Daichi looks even better now. More relaxed, his hair unstyled in a messy tuft above his head and he looks absolutely, painstakingly handsome in the glow of the morning sun.

Damn, Koushi’s crush truly isn’t going away.

“Daichi!” He greets back, slipping his phone in his pocket and waving at him cheerfully. 

He stops right in front of Koushi, beaming bright and Koushi can’t help but mirror his glee too. The truth is, he can’t stop himself from smiling about this chance encounter. And to think he’s being all sad about not seeing Daichi at the clinic anymore.

“Hey! Nice to run into you here, you’re out for a morning jog too?” He asks, hands in his pockets as he talks. 

Koushi nods. “Yep, but I got distracted by the flowers so I’ve been taking photos longer than I’ve been jogging now.” 

Daichi laughs, Koushi doesn’t even think what he said is that funny. “I understand, the first time I took this trail, I couldn’t help but stop and admire the view too.” 

They naturally fall into a conversation, steps in sync as Daichi talks about his usual route. In return, Koushi tells him that this is the trail that student athletes from high school would take during training. Daichi lets him know that he used to play volleyball in high school, and Koushi tells him about the time he starred in a high school play. 

Somehow, they’ve walked the entire length of the path once and Koushi is sweating underneath his jacket for more reasons than the exercise.

As they walk and talk, their shoulders would brush and Koushi would ask Daichi to pose underneath the tall tree at the end of the trail. “Just something to send to my mom.” He says, as Daichi bashfully smiles at the camera and puts his thumb up. 

He does send it to his mom, who doesn’t check her phone this early in the morning so he supposes that she’ll see it much later when he’s finally home. He does want to let her know that he ran into Daichi, but a part of him doesn’t like the fact that his mother is going to relentlessly tease him about this too.

“Look at you, so cute!” Koushi teases, zooming on the photo on his screen as Daichi leans close to look at Koushi’s phone screen. 

“Hey, let me see. Are you really sending this to Sugawara-san?” Daichi asks, incredulous. Koushi lets him look at the photo, handing his phone over to him. 

It’s too late when he realizes how close they are, Daichi’s chest pressed against his back, his breath fanning against his cheek as he laughs at his own picture. 

Red warning signs glare at Koushi from a mile away, but he closes his eyes and pretends they’re not here. 

“Of course!” He says through the lump in his throat. “How would she believe that I’m exercising and that I ran into you if I don’t take a photo of you like this, huh?” 

They’re no longer strangers, and Koushi sees the blossoming friendship through the flashes of red lights. What’s he got to lose by befriending his crush, really? Nothing. Right?

He’s careful, wary of the people he lets into his life but if he is already this comfortable with Daichi after meeting him for three times, maybe it’s worth the risk.

Daichi narrows his eyes at him, seems to think about it for a moment and sighs. “Fine, but send it to me too and you have to let me take a photo of you as well.” Daichi fishes his phone out from the back pocket of his shorts, waves it around and smiles at Koushi.

Koushi shrugs. “Fair trade.”

(🌠)

[daichi 🐱🐱]
So…
About the photos?

[you]
woooooow
u miss me already?????? 

[daichi 🐱🐱]
😅
Did I text too early? Should I have waited at least an hour?

[you]
i’m just messing with ya :3c
here u go
IMG_2367.jpg 

[daichi 🐱🐱]
Hahaha.
Here.
IMG_4232.jpg

[you]
wow am i short or that’s really a tall ass tree
it didnt look that tall when its u in the pic 

[daichi 🐱🐱]
You’re not short at all!
I guess, maybe the angle? 

[you]
daichi with all due respect
you suuuuuuck at taking photos 

[daichi 🐱🐱]
Hey, I’m sorry alright.
I’m not a professional photographer. 

[you]
yes that is glaringly obvious

[daichi 🐱🐱]
Hahaha.
Let me make it up to you next time.
I’ll learn how to take better photos.

[you]
ohhh
ok
next time then. i’ll set my expectations high.

[daichi 🐱🐱]
Bring it on!

(🌠)

They text a lot.

It feels almost juvenile, how he’d spend the morning waiting for that good morning text from Daichi because Daichi fell asleep in the middle of their conversation last night. He’ll stand in his bathroom, brushing his teeth over the sink and glaring at his phone, waiting for Daichi’s text to light up the screen.

And without fail, Daichi texts to greet him a good morning and apologize for falling asleep in the middle of their conversation. Then, Koushi sends a photo of him—a mirror selfie, toothbrush in his mouth and a peace sign up with his free hand. Daichi asks for a photo of Momo too and Koushi feigns offense but sends a picture of the cat anyway.

They talk, and talk, and days now feel incomplete when Daichi is busy at work or when Daichi forgets to reply because of a long day. Perhaps, it’s a little bit of a stupid move to feel attached to someone he’s only met almost two weeks ago, but what can he do? 

Daichi is effortlessly funny, charming and can carry a conversation. Koushi doesn’t have to think or overthink when he’s talking to Daichi. He can say something so weird, something that he’ll usually bite his tongue about when talking to anyone else but when it’s Daichi⏤he’ll hit that send button with no regrets. 

And Daichi will always have something to reply to him, never letting the conversation die. It’s so natural, and Koushi thinks that he can get used to this. 

He tells Daichi that he’s going to be busy today, that he’s going to come with his mother to the flower shop to “learn the family trade” and that he might not be able to respond. Daichi says it’s okay, and they promise to talk much later. 

Koushi likes the flower shop, it’s everything that his mother is and everything that his mother loves. He’s glad to be able to help her achieve this dream, like how she gave everything up so that he too can achieve his own dreams. He likes being here, it’s like an extension of their home. 

He doesn’t know much about flowers, much to his mother’s dismay. But he does like looking at them, likes the smell of the flower shop, especially during early morning when the shop has just opened. He doesn’t mind staying here instead of lounging at the house, they’ve even brought Momo with them too. 

“What do you need me to do ‘kaa-chan?” He asks, setting Momo down on the counter as Kaori opens up the front door, turning over the “Open” sign so that customers can see it from the outside.

“Hm?” His mother asks, grabs her apron from where it hangs by the door. “Just stay there and look pretty, Kou-chan. Maybe skim through my floriography books so you can be of help.” 

Koushi huffs at her, but grabs a book nonetheless. 

He does know how to work the register more efficiently now though, after some coaching from his mother and the times he hung out at Kiyoko’s. So he does expect that his mother will be asking him to man the register. At the same time, there’s this inkling that his mother just wants to boast to her loyal customers that her son Sugawara Koushi is in town, as mothers do.

They do get customers as soon as the shop opens. First, it’s a lady that knows his mother⏤she needs a new bunch of flowers for her vases at home. Koushi smiles at her from behind the counter, greets her a good morning but Kaori steps in for the rest of the transaction.

Koushi notices how she keeps glancing over at him, and he observes how she grabs his mother by the arm and in barely audible whisper, she asks. “Kaori-san,  your new employee looks like that actor, doesn’t he?”

His mother laughs, her eyes bright as she turns to Koushi. It’s like she’s been waiting for this all day. “Well, that’s my son, the actor⏤remember the one I was talking about? His movie is still showing, you should watch it!” 

And then there it goes, his mother introduces him to the lady who apparently lives a block away from the flower shop and really liked his second movie. The lady tells him that  she did hear about him on the news taking a vacation, and that she has forgotten about Kaori telling her about her actor son⏤thinking that she has just been bluffing.  

She asks for a photo, to which Koushi obliges kindly. He thanks his early morning self for putting a little bit effort on how he looks today. 

When she goes with her bunches of flowers, Koushi frowns at Kaori.

“Hey, ‘kaa-chan, did you ask me to come with you here today so you can brag to all your friends?” 

Kaori chuckles, beams at her son and shrugs. “What? Can’t a mother brag a little?”

Of course, leave it to his mother to both humble him and lift him up. She’s his biggest fan, that’s the one truth in the world that no amount of fame can change. So while his mother reminds him that he’s just Sugawara Koushi, her son and Momo’s older brother, she also celebrates the fact that he has become the Sugawara Koushi, superstar actor and pride of Miyagi.

So Koushi allows her to brag this time, his success is her success too. Plus, it’s just within their little neighborhood, right? It’s just a harmless middle aged lady buying her tulips. 

Wrong.

As it turns out, word gets spread around quickly in a small town.

At first it’s a group of other middle aged ladies, ones that Kaori recognizes, frequent patrons of the shop. They ask for roses and carnations, then for a photo with Koushi right before they exit the shop. Koushi obliges kindly, makes them promise to come back to the shop even if he isn’t here and they pinky swear in response.

Then it’s the kids in school uniforms, boys and girls who have obviously never stepped foot in the flower shop, fumbling to make a purchase and trying their hardest not to stare. Kaori provides them flower choices to give to their mothers, and Koushi awaits them at the counter with a smile.

He offers a photo to the kids, who are all too shy to ask for one and they gratefully accept it, huddling together for a group photo. 

Koushi thinks it’s the end of it, and Kaori tells him that it’s okay to say no to photos if he doesn’t want to take them. “It’s fine,” he waves her off, and lets her welcome the next batch of customers. 

Then, the text message from Takeda pings.

He pulls it out, reads the text message and feels his stomach drop.

It’s Takeda sending him a link that leads to a Tweet of one of the school kids blowing up, apparently⏤this one has over twenty thousand retweets and almost double the likes. Takeda asks him if he’s still at the shop, and if he is, it’s better that he moves elsewhere to avoid the risk of paparazzi finding out his exact location.

Sure, people have always known that his mother runs a flower shop⏤it’s a thing that he has always mentioned in passing during his many interviews. But people finding out the name and location of the shop? And the fact that he’s there manning the counter on his vacation? It’s a whole different story.

He shows his mother the text message from his manager and Kaori sighs. 

“I’m sorry, Kou-chan. It wasn’t meant to be⏤”  

“It’s okay, ‘kaa-chan.” Koushi cuts her off with a smile, scooping up Momo from where she’s resting on his foot on the floor behind the counter. Koushi hates the sound of his mother apologizing, and it’s not even her fault anyway. “I’ll just stay at the back with Momo, just bring us lunch!”

Kaori exhales, her hands crossed over her chest but she nods anyway. “Yeah, it’s best that way. Hitoka-chan is coming in soon, anyway. She can stand in.”

“Alrighty!” Koushi singsongs, finding his way to the backroom where they stock most of the flowers to keep them fresh before putting them out on display. 

Koushi closes the door behind him, Momo meowing in his arms and he looks at the sight before him. If the outside of the shop already has stacks upon stacks of flowers on display, this one has even more in storage. 

There are shelves of yellow petalled flowers, a huge bunch of baby’s breath flowers are greeting Koushi to his right and there’s even a literal bed of roses in here. Koushi sets Momo down as she struggles to get away from him, and finds her corner in between the calla lilies and carnations. 

(🌠)

Sitting in a room full of flowers until lunch time comes around isn’t as boring as Koushi thought it would be. He spends the first ten minutes of his solitary confinement wallowing in pity because of how much trouble he’s brought for his mother. Through the door separating the backroom from the shop, Koushi can overhear the clamor of people looking for him. And he does feel bad.

Takeda tells him that if they need crowd control, he can give him a call anytime and Takeda will handle it. But he doesn’t want to bother him either all the way from Tokyo, so he just tells him that it’s fine and the people will lose interest anyway if they learn that he isn’t at the shop anymore. 

Then, comes Daichi. 

He hasn’t told Daichi about what happened yet, but he’s certain that Daichi has heard of the news considering the timing of his message and the obvious way that he tries to distract him by sending him a photo of his patient that day⏤a cute little rottweiler. 

And they fall into a long exchange of messages again, talking about anything and everything. Koushi tells Daichi that he’s stuck with flowers and he won’t be able to get out for a while. 

Daichi teases him with a response that says: “the flowers must be jealous.”

And Koushi replies with, “why?”

It takes a minute before Daichi replies, the typing bubble appearing and disappearing from the screen as Daichi deliberates his response. Koushi already knows what he’s going to say, anyway. 

“They’re sitting with someone prettier than they are.”

It’s so cheesy and Koushi can read the flirtatious undertone in that message from a mile away. But he still can’t believe it, can’t wrap his head around the fact that this harmless veterinarian is finally flirting with him over text. 

How can the hopeless crush lead to this? When did it become like this? Koushi doesn’t know either.

But he’s enjoying it, likes the way Daichi is trying his hardest⏤likes the way Daichi reaches out to him even if he has closed off his life to outsiders. 

He likes Daichi, huh?

Koushi allows that realization to sink in as he types his reply to Daichi, his heart hammering in his ribcage as the flowers he’s surrounded by seem to crowd around him, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. 

“That’s by far, the cheesiest and corniest line anyone has ever said to me. And I play in romantic comedies.” He sends. 

“But I’ll let it slide.” Enter.

“Because you’re cute.” Send. 

And then, Daichi doesn’t reply after that. 

So yeah, sitting in a room full of flowers isn’t as boring as he thought it would be because now, he’s overthinking. Now, a part of him is starting to regret blatantly flirting with Daichi like that. But Daichi started it, didn’t he? He’s the one that sent that cheesy line and Koushi just retaliated. What if he read it wrong? What if Daichi doesn’t mean it like that? 

Koushi wants to scream. There’s a crawling sensation beneath his skin, two urges inside of him fighting it out. A part of him tells him to retract it, to not make it weird especially with how weird the situation already is⏤he’s stuck in the backroom of his mother’s flower shop in order to avoid paparazzi, and he’s flirting with a man who has never known how to deal with a life where people are watching your every step.  

There’s another part of him that tells him to wait, to wait for Daichi to reply, to allow Daichi to make the next play. The ball is in Daichi’s court now, he just needs to wait. More often than not, if Koushi allows himself to wait, the situation turns out better than he thinks they would. 

It’s ten minutes of waiting, ten minutes of Koushi sitting on the floor in between crates of lavenders and green carnations, ten minutes of Koushi trying to decide which side is the winner when there’s a knock from the door that leads back to the flower shop.

Apparently, ten minutes is enough time to wait. 

“‘Kaa-chan?” Koushi asks, pushing himself up from the floor to welcome his mother. He hasn’t even realized that lunch time has rolled around. Maybe she does have food for him and Momo.

But the door opens, and it reveals Daichi, in a gray coat and his cheeks flushed. He has two bags of food in his hands and he’s struggling to open the door a little. 

So Koushi rushes to him, opens the door for Daichi and closes it quickly behind him. 

“Hi,” Daichi says, pressing his lips together, “I got lunch.”

For a moment, the thoughts that have been running in Koushi’s brain a mile per minute all come to a quick stop. All he can focus on now is the way he can’t help himself from smiling, utterly impressed by this man. 

“I can see that, Daichi-san.” He nods to the bags of food. Momo seems to recognize him and the smell of meat so she comes out of her hiding spot and stomps over to Daichi, wrapping herself around his ankles as a form of greeting. 

“So um, about the text… I’m sorry I didn’t reply, the food delivery finally came in and I wanted to come here on time with the food because I knew you were alone and Sugawara-san let me in so⏤” 

Of course his mother lets him in, of course his mother has no qualms about his son literally being stuck in the backroom of her shop with his newfound crush. It’s really a set-up and Koushi is helpless to go along with it.

Hey, it’s not like he has complaints either. He likes that Daichi is here, something in the deep recesses of his heart that hasn't seen the light in a long time flutters at the hint of sunlight Daichi comes with. 

Koushi looks at him, crossing his arms over his chest. He’s smiling now too. “I hope you also came with food for Momo and an apology letter for all these flowers for calling them ugly.” 

Daichi is bashful when he responds, but his grin is wide and unconstrained and Koushi likes this side of him. Seeing Daichi outside of his working hours is definitely doing something to his brain chemistry.

“I do have food for Momo but not an apology letter. Do you think they’ll give in if I grovel?”

“Don’t ask me, ask the flower gods.”

And just like that, they fall into the familiar tirade of jokes and bickering. They find their spot on the floor again, sitting next to each other in the middle of all the flowers with the donburi bowls on their laps as Momo eats her lunch at a spot next to them. 

The meal is good and warm, and Daichi tells him that it’s from his favorite hole-in-the-wall  restaurant next to the clinic. 

Speaking of the clinic, Koushi has been meaning to ask.

“If you’re here, does that mean you left Ennoshita alone?” He tilts his head to the side, scooping up another spoonful of the hot meal. 

Daichi clears his throat, avoids Koushi’s peering gaze. “Yes, but⏤it’s not a busy day at the clinic and I don’t have scheduled check-ups… and, well, I wanted to see you. Actually.”

He wanted to see him. 

A part of Koushi feels guilty, that for some reason he thinks Daichi felt obligated to come here because he told him about what happened. He doesn’t want to bother him, doesn’t want to be a burden to people who are already as busy as they are. He can take care of himself, he doesn’t need people doting too hard on him.

But Daichi wanted to see him.

“You wanted to see me?” Koushi echoes, wants to make sure that he isn’t hearing it wrong. 

Daichi rolls his shoulders back, and Koushi notices the way he clenches his fist when he straightens his back. 

It only occurs to him now how it’s taking Daichi all of him to even say these things out loud. He’s giving it his all and that part of Koushi’s brain that's self-confident and painfully aware of his effect on people, basks in it.

“Yes, I wanted to see you. I understand that it’s a stressful time, especially with what’s going on outside so I wanted to make sure you’re okay, Koushi.” There’s that tone of his voice again, the one that Koushi can immediately see through, the one that does not lie to him. The one with no ulterior motives.

He just wanted to see him.

Koushi’s heart thumps loudly, barging against his throat and Koushi has to swallow down thickly. 

“Thank you.” Koushi says, voice lower than he intended. He doesn’t even recognize his own voice. “For checking in on me, I really appreciate it… it’s been… stressful.”

Daichi looks at him this time, brown eyes wide with wonder and earnest interest. Like Koushi can tell him about watching paint dry and Daichi will listen without falling asleep in disinterest. 

“If you want,” Daichi tries, “you can vent to me.”

And that’s the final tug Koushi needs. In a world that wants to know all of his secrets and violate his privacy, in a world with people wanting to pry information about his personal life out of him, Koushi has grown to be so guarded.

It’s hard to open up if it’s not with the people he already knew before he became an actor. 

But Daichi makes it so easy, Daichi makes Koushi want to tell him everything. Koushi wants to divulge all of his secrets to Daichi, and it sounds crazy to him, but he knows Daichi will keep them safe. 

Koushi scoots a little, until their knees are brushing through the fabric of their jeans. Daichi doesn’t flinch away.

“Well… it’s just.. The whole situation makes me feel like such a bother. Like, I know kaa-chan wanted to boast about me a little, but I didn’t want her to be dealing with paparazzi too y’know? But it’s something that she unwillingly has to deal with because this is the life I chose. Then, my manager, who’s supposed to be on break because I’m on break too, is working overtime because of this situation and even offered to help out if it gets too rowdy… I just… I just don’t want to be a bother.”

Koushi sighs, leans back until the back of his head rests against the wall. “I just want to help but all I’m doing is being a bigger burden. I came here to rest and bond with my mom but I just gave her this big hassle.”

Daichi grunts from his side, catching Koushi’s attention. Koushi pushes himself away from the wall, sitting up straight and looking at Daichi who’s looking at his donburi intensely. “Hm? Do you wanna say something?”

Daichi swallows visibly. “I know we just met and my words probably don’t mean anything but… I don’t think you’re a burden, Koushi.”

But Daichi is wrong, his words do mean something to Koushi. His heart has calmed down now, but the pace begins to pick up again and Koushi purses his lips as he looks at Daichi from where he sits. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Daichi echoes, “it’s easy to think you’re being a burden, but… I think… I don’t think you are a burden, people do this for you because they love you. People go out of their way for you because they care about you and you deserve it, Koushi. I am sure that Sugawara-san is fine dealing with the paparazzi if it means protecting you, and so is your manager. They love you. You’re never a hassle.” 

Well.  

Koushi is choking back on his tears. It’s the kind of words that he has always needed to hear, the kind of words that he can never demand from anyone around him⏤but Daichi is here, Daichi who walked into his life with animal printed scrubs and now he’s telling him that people love him.

Of course, it’s not that Koushi is unaware of the fact that he is much loved, but people don’t love the Sugawara Koushi that vents, feels insecure and feels like a burden sometimes. People love the Sugawara Koushi who smiles prettily at the camera, who delivers lines so well and who can cry on command. That’s the Sugawara Koushi people love.

Not this kind of Sugawara Koushi sitting next to Daichi right now. 

“Oh Daichi,” Koushi laughs, inhales deep through his nose and laughs, “where have you been all my life?”

It’s an understatement to say that Daichi is blushing, he’s deep red from the neck up and can’t maintain eye contact to save his life. Koushi finds this mildly amusing. 

“Well, I guess, treating puppies and kittens?” Daichi tries, a handsome smile playing across his lips. This time, he looks at Koushi⏤and Koushi is overwhelmed with how much he likes this man. It’s almost terrifying, but it’s the most exciting thing he’s ever experienced in years too.

He shakes his head, unable to help his smile too. He bumps shoulder against Daichi, then rests his head on Daichi’s shoulder. 

Across them, Momo has finished her meal and watches them intently. 

“Thank you for coming over, Daichi. I really appreciate it. Let’s eat at this restaurant next time.” Koushi raises his almost finished donburi bowl. Daichi tenses, only for half a second, until he relaxes to allow Koushi to rest against him.

Koushi smiles.

“Okay, next time then.” Daichi agrees.

They finish their meal, making small talk over their drinks. Momo has made her way to wedge in between them and is now enjoying pets from both Daichi and Koushi. Sometimes, Koushi’s hand would brush against Daichi and he'd feel electricity shoot up from his fingertips all the way to his spine. It’s a good kind of electricity.

He wonders if Daichi notices. 

They put away their empty donburi bowls, sip on their drinks, and Koushi tells Daichi about the flowers in the room. Given that he’s not much of an expert himself, he knows enough fun facts for a good conversation.

The conversation lulls quietly, and they don’t realize that Daichi has been hanging out with him for a couple of hours now. Time does go by fast when you are having fun, it’s almost like there isn’t enough time for them to talk. 

He wonders if he should bring up the clinic, ask if Ennoshita needs help there but he doesn’t want to seem like he’s pushing Daichi away. It’s the opposite, really. He wants Daichi to stay, but wants to make sure that he isn’t sacrificing anything just to keep Koushi company. 

Koushi decides to ask, just to give himself some peace of mind despite Daichi already telling him about the situation at the clinic. But there’s a buzz from Daichi’s pocket, alerting them both and Momo jumping when she feels it against her.

They laugh when Momo meows and runs away, hiding behind one of the drawers in the room. 

“Uh,” Daichi looks at the screen, then glances up at Koushi.

It takes Koushi a second to figure out what Daichi is waiting for, then it clicks, permission. Daichi is asking him permission to take a look at his phone.

His breath stuck in his throat, Koushi nods. “Go ahead!” 

Damn it. He’s handsome, he’s kind, his cat likes him and he’s considerate. How can this man be real? There’s no way he is this perfect, isn’t he? Is this some sort of a practical joke? 

He watches as Daichi laughs at his phone screen, shaking his head as he tucks it back in his pocket. 

Curiosity kills the cat, and Koushi isn’t meant to as⏤he knows it’s rude, but he asks anyway. He wants to know who’s making Daichi smile like that. 

(Jealous? Not at all. How ridiculous.)

“Mhm? Is it Ennoshita?” He asks innocently.

Daichi smiles at him, bright and big. “No, it’s Yui… she knows I’m with you and she told me to let you know that she really loved your new movie.”

Oh. Yui. Of course. How can he forget about his best friend? The one that has led Daichi to watching his movies in the first place. She sounds lovely, and in the back of his mind, wonders if he’ll get the chance to meet her. Suddenly, whatever feeling that has been bubbling in the pit of his stomach that resembles jealousy has been subdued. 

New movie. Must be the one that he has just finished the promotions for before coming home. The one that’s still showing in theaters. Dive Into You. 

“Dive Into You?” Koushi asks, mirroring Daichi’s smile. “Tell her I said thank you… Have you seen it?”

Koushi likes Dive Into You, possibly one of his favorite works to date. It’s a story about strangers meeting and falling in love by the beach. Koushi played the character of a worn out salaryman who managed to find some time for a break after his mother passed away and left their ancestral home to him. He meets the love interest there, a woman of the same age as he is enjoying life to the fullest⏤Koushi’s character ends up learning a thing or two about love from her.   

Daichi shakes his head reluctantly. “No… not yet, I haven’t had the chance to.”

Now, Koushi has seen the film during the premier. He has to say that he’s proud of it. He’s proud of the story, proud of his craft, but it also coexists with the fact that the recent promotions have been draining. But still, he doesn’t mind that he watches it with Daichi, he doesn’t mind that Daichi will see that side of him. 

 “Do you wanna see it?”

Daichi doesn’t take too long before he comes up with a reply. That pleases Koushi. “Y-yeah⏤” 

“Okay, it’s a date then.”

(🌠)

By this time, having dinner at the Tanakas is part of his weekly routine. And of course, apart from his mother, they’re the most updated people in Koushi’s life right now.

“Woah, Suga-san… you really made the news, didn’t you? Everyone was flocking the flower shop. How is Okaasan holding up?” Ryuunosuke asks as he puts the plate of karaage on the table. 

After that incident at the flower shop, Koushi has made it a point to remain a low profile if he’s going out. Disguises rarely work, but they do provide some assistance in giving Koushi some peace of mind. His mom has been holding up well, she’s still getting used to telling people that Koushi isn’t at the store though. 

“She’s okay.” Koushi says, hoisting up Reiko to the high chair as she asks to be sat down for dinner. Koushi secures her in her seat and pats her hair. “But it’s been busy at the store, I do feel bad for her but she says not to worry… you know how she is.”

Kiyoko comes out of the kitchen after Ryuunosuke, serving them rice. “It’s good that she’s holding up well. We were worried for you too but… you’re fine, aren’t you?” Kiyoko raises her brow, and Koushi tenses as he finds his seat next to Reiko.

Of course, he has told Kiyoko about the fact that he literally asked Daichi out to watch his movie. He just didn’t expect that they would be discussing it so openly tonight.

The thought that he’s talking about his dating life, which has been barren for so many years still doesn’t feel real to him, it doesn’t feel real either that he’s here talking about it over dinner to his high school friends.

His life, for the first time in years, feels normal. It feels like how 26-year-olds should live and Koushi’s heart is expanding at the mere thought of it.

“Eh?!” Ryuunosuke exclaims, finally having caught on. “Is this about the veterinarian? I met him once. C’mon Suga-san! Tell us more!” 

Koushi sighs, fond nonetheless.

“Well… first of all, he’s really handsome… like, state of the art handsome. I can’t say anything more because Reiko is here but you know what I mean.”

“Koushi!” 

“C’mon Suga-san!” 

(🌠)

Expectedly, he asks Asahi for advice on what to wear again. This time, Asahi catches on and hounds him until he admits that he’s wearing it for a date. 

He receives about ten crying emojis from Asahi, telling him that he’s happy for him that he’s finally experiencing the real world before sending over outfit suggestions. Koushi is very thankful for him.

This time, he’s wearing a long black winter coat over a beige cardigan. It’s unbuttoned to show the black shirt underneath with a neckline low enough to show some collarbone. He tucks it under slim black pants with the hems rolled up to make way for his combat boots. He’s been wearing hats recently and this time he has put on a black beret to go over the silver of his hair—it's a dead giveaway if he doesn't wear the hat. 

He has also drawn a face mask over his mouth and nose, he's not sick though—Koushi just wants some precaution. 

Daichi offers to pick him up from his house, and who is Koushi to say no to that offer? It’s not everyday that someone picks him up and it’s not his manager hauling him to another schedule. And plus, it’s a date. 

He hasn’t been on a lot of dates in this life, but from all the romantic movies that he’s starred in, he has an inkling as to what kind of date Daichi will be. 

Before Koushi can even step out of the house, he’s halted by his mother standing at the doorway, Momo in her arms as she grins at him. It’s terrifying how much Koushi sees himself in her, he truly is his mother’s son. 

“What?” He asks, unable to hide the smile on his face because he knows what she’s thinking about just by looking at her. 

“Kou-chan, I’m happy for you.” She says, petting Momo behind her ears. 

Koushi rolls his eyes as he puts his shoes on by the genkan. “You’re saying this as if you didn’t purposefully set me up with Daichi, ‘kaa-chan.”

Kaori chuckles and shrugs. “I didn’t! Well, maybe I did, a little. I knew he liked your movies because I had mentioned you to him, but I didn’t know that he would like you too.”

Koushi pushes himself up from the floor and laughs, walking over to where his mother is standing and pulls her in a hug, pressing a kiss on the top of her forehead. Momo whines in between them. “I mean, I am your son after all. Who wouldn’t like me? C’mon now.”

His mother bats him away, tells him to be careful and to let her know if he’s coming home tonight, to which Koushi bashfully tells her that of course he’s coming home tonight. The fact that his mother is insinuating that he’ll be staying at Daichi’s place tonight makes him want the ground to swallow him whole.

“Just saying⏤” and with that, Kaori closes the door behind her. 

When he exits out of the house, he’s surprised to see Daichi already standing outside of his car, leaning back against the door as he waits for him. He’s looking at his feet, hands tucked inside the pockets of his black puffer jacket. Underneath it, he’s snug in a coffee-colored turtleneck, perfect denim jeans hugging his perfect legs. 

It only comes to him that they’re accidentally matching when he’s finally made his way over to Daichi.

“Daichi!” He calls out, jogging over to him and Daichi jumps in his spot. It’s a sight to watch Daichi’s expression brighten up, his entire body showing his delight. 

“Hi,” Daichi breathes out when Koushi is standing in front of him. Koushi can’t help his smile, cheeks beginning to ache and his heart swelling in size, he has noticed that this feeling is constant whenever Daichi is around. It’s just an overwhelming feeling of fondness, one that Koushi isn’t certain if he is capable enough to handle. 

“Thank you for driving all the way here,” Koushi says, eyes running over Daichi. Is it possible that he got even more handsome over the week? Maybe Koushi is just smitten. That’s a possibility too.

Daichi clears his throat, and Koushi notices the quick glance at his exposed collarbone. He really has to thank Asahi for this later when he returns to Tokyo. 

“Of course,” Daichi manages, “I offered… and… you look great, by the way.” 

Koushi’s cheeks feel warm at the compliment. “Thank you, you look handsome too. Look at us, we’re accidentally matching!” He points out, pulling his coat open to reveal the cardigan underneath, a shade similar to Daichi’s turtleneck.

Daichi beams, glances at his clothes then back at Koushi. He laughs, heartily and full and Koushi’s heart fills with that sound. He wants to hear that laughter for a long time. 

“Thank you… indeed, we are matching… but I think the color really matches your eyes.” 

Now, what is Koushi to say to that? Daichi is unconsciously sly, and Koushi doesn’t know how he can handle Daichi being like this for the rest of the night. 

He laughs it off, eyes disappearing into crescent moons as he locks his arm with Daichi. “C’mon! We’re going to be late to the movie, so cheesy, Daichi.”

Daichi clears his throat, opens the passenger door for Koushi and lets him inside. “Just telling the truth, Koushi.”

Yeah, Koushi is not going to survive this date. 

(🌠)

Koushi is proud of his craft. He knows he has talent in acting, knows that he’s doing what he does best and knows that he is fortunate enough to make a living out of his passion. He didn’t win multiple best actor awards for no reason.

He wants to show his movies to everyone, he wants people to watch what he worked hard on⏤what the entire production team worked hard on.  However, he didn’t take into account the enormous promotional posters plastered everywhere when they arrived at the theaters. 

The poster is beautiful, it’s taken at the beachside where they shot the majority of the film. It’s him with his leading lady, embracing each other with solemn looks in their faces⏤embodying the feeling of diving into someone headfirst, like taking that first plunge into deep ocean waters. 

He knows that the movie isn’t just about him⏤it’s about the beauty of discovering something and someone and finding courage to love and be loved. But still, he can’t help but feel kind of embarrassed having his date see his face on such huge posters. He is, quite literally, everywhere.

He isn’t sure what he’s expecting from Daichi, maybe a part of him thinks that Daichi is going to run away or think of him differently when he realizes what he’s getting himself into. But Daichi doesn’t, instead, Daichi remains close to him and gazes at the posters in awe.

They’re walking to the theater and Koushi ducks his head as Daichi keeps making sounds of amusement each time they pass by another poster. 

“Did you really take this at the beach or is it just like… some CGI? It’s really cool, you look really handsome here,” Daichi asks, pointing at the posters as he keeps his voice low, only enough for Koushi to hear.

Koushi clears his throat, adjusts his beret and nods. He’s thankful that his mask hides half of his face, enough to shield him from the redness of his own cheeks.  “Yeah, we actually took photos for the promotional poster first before shooting the first scenes.” 

And when Koushi gets started like this, he can’t stop himself from spilling all the details⏤especially with Daichi. Daichi listens, Daichi doesn’t make him feel like he’s oversharing, doesn’t make him feel like he’s tired of listening to him and it makes Koushi want to talk and talk. 

 “Ah, I’m a little embarrassed.” He says when he finishes telling Daichi about how he got a bad sunburn during their first shooting day. 

Daichi’s brows furrow in the middle of his forehead, leaning forward closer to Koushi. “Why?” He looks like a startled kitten, the fur on its back standing up and it makes Koushi chuckle to himself. 

Koushi shrugs. “Well, it’s… isn’t it a bit narcissistic that I’m asking you to watch my movie during our first… erm… first date?” That entire sentence takes a lot of Koushi, his legs actually start to begin to feel like jelly. 

Daichi purses his lips, draws him closer by his elbow⏤a delicate touch and a gentle pull.  “Why would it be narcissistic? It’s your job, it’s something you love and I want to get to know you and the things you do. Like, yeah, I was going to watch it eventually but I’d rather be watching it with you. Plus, it’s just like when we first met at the clinic, right? You met me while I was doing my job, just think of it as me coming to visit you at your workplace too.” 

He blinks at Daichi’s words, the eloquence blooming from Daichi’s shy advances surprises Koushi. It’s as if he takes the tangled string of thoughts from Koushi’s mind and unspools them patiently, expertly, as if he has been doing this all his life. 

“Okay,” he clears his throat, unable to find the words to say. If Daichi thinks that this is just like him coming over to Koushi’s workplace,  he can’t help the images immediately painted in his brain where Daichi comes to visit him during a shoot, where Daichi walks into his locker room and gives him an energy boost right after shooting a draining scene. 

Oh, he’s in trouble. He is definitely in terrible trouble. 

Daichi smiles at him, index finger lodged in the inside of his elbow as he remains holding him. This time, Koushi locks their arms together and nods confidently towards the direction of their cinema. “Alright, well, let me show you how I work then.”

(🌠)

He has only watched the movie once during the premier, got dragged through the whirlwind of movie promotions and then escaped to Miyagi when he got too fed up. So, Koushi hasn’t had the chance to fully criticize himself in this movie. If his manager was here, he’d probably get a scolding for beating himself up too much, Take-chan will surely tell him that he did spectacularly well during all of his scenes.

But Take-chan isn’t here, he isn’t at a premiere and there aren’t hundreds of media outlets waiting for his reaction to his own film. It’s just him and Daichi, seated at the far end of the theater that’s unnoticeable enough but still gives them a good view of the entire screen. 

So just for today, Koushi turns down the self-criticizing thoughts and focuses on the fact that he’s sitting next to Daichi in the back of a dark theater, elbow brushing where their arm rests meet.

Koushi tries, he really does try to pay attention to the movie but he’s too hypersensitive to the way Daichi glances at him whenever his character appears on the big screen. He looks different on screen than he does in real life, and now he can’t help but wonder if this is where the fantasy ends for Daichi.

He can’t help but wonder if Daichi is now starting to realize that he’s really not all that, that the Sugawara Koushi he first discovered through the glamorized love stories is not the Sugawara Koushi that he’s getting himself into.

Koushi shifts in his seat.

So much for tuning down his self-criticizing thoughts, huh? 

Daichi seems to pick up on his movement, so he turns to him. From the light of the big screen he can see Daichi’s face contort into worry.

In a low whisper, Daichi asks, “everything okay?”

The Koushi on screen is making his monologue about not believing in love before he met the leading lady. About how this time, he has finally found what it means to want to be with someone, to crave someone’s presence and to finally dive into someone with all of their heart and soul.

The Koushi sitting next to Daichi clears his throat and nods, shifts in his seat again until he can find a position that doesn’t make him feel like running away. “I’m fine… are you okay though? You keep looking at me, don’t act like I don’t see you.” Koushi says, forcing the cheeriness to come back to his voice. 

Daichi blinks at him and bites on his lower lip to keep himself from smiling. It tells Koushi there’s something on Daichi’s mind that he’s still deciding whether or not he should tell it to him.

Koushi nudges him to the direction of telling him whatever it is that’s on his mind⏤Koushi just hopes it’s not about the worst thing that he expects. 

“What?” He asks, bumps elbows with Daichi and leans in just a little, enough for whispers to be heard, “whatcha thinking about, ‘doc?”

Daichi thinks about it for a second, glances at the screen again before his eyes land back on Daichi. He scoots even closer, and Koushi’s breath is stuck in his throat when he feels Daichi’s breath ghost against the shell of his ear. 

“I think the camera doesn’t do you justice.  You look even more gorgeous in real life, Koushi.” 

Daichi draws back just as the goosebumps begin to rise all the way from the back of Koushi’s neck down to his arms. His cheeks are hot, he can feel his heartbeat in his throat and he is looking at Daichi with his eyes wide. 

On the other hand, Daichi has settled back into his seat, a satisfied grin on his face⏤leaving Koushi to freak out silently next to him.

In that moment, Koushi begins to believe that with Daichi⏤he doesn’t have to live up to the fantasy. He doesn’t have to worry about that when he’s with Daichi, that to Daichi⏤he’s more than the character on screen.

Koushi leans back on his chair, allows himself to melt against the leather and screams internally. This is going to be a long movie.

(🌠)

He doesn’t kiss Daichi goodnight when the date ends. 

Not because he didn’t want to, no. Koushi very much wants to kiss Daichi, wants to be kissed stupid and wants to feel Daichi’s big hands on him. He wants to touch Daichi, wants to show him affection, and wants him to know that he’s thankful for the perfect date. 

But he doesn’t, because he doesn’t know if Daichi is fine with kissing after the first date, so he doesn’t ask. Daichi doesn’t ask either, but instead⏤he asks him for another date and Koushi says yes in a heartbeat.

The disappointment doesn’t last long, because it’s overwhelmed by the fact that Daichi is asking him for another date. And this time, this time he’s really going to kiss him.

But the second date keeps getting pushed back and back, Daichi is busy with the clinic and Koushi has just received the final script for his upcoming drama. 

He’s been busy reading it, memorizing the lines as he goes and so far⏤he likes the plot, he likes the character. Take-chan didn’t go wrong with the story 

This time, his character is a wide-eyed 20-something who looks forward to meeting a childhood friend that migrated when they were young. They had a promise, a pact that when they grow older they’ll come back to each other and get married. His character has romanticized the idea of his childhood friend, the star of his every story⏤an irreplaceable person in the plot of his life. However, when said childhood friend returns from abroad, his hopes and dreams are crushed. His childhood friend isn’t the person he thought they would be anymore. 

So while he is enjoying reading the script, memorizing the lines, and spending time with his mother and Momo in the house, there is still an itch underneath Koushi’s skin that he can’t quite scratch.

He misses Daichi.

Dammit. 

He rolls over on his bed, landing over the script as he sits up to grab his phone that’s been laying on his nightstand. It’s open on his messaging app, Daichi’s last text message to him five hours ago glaring at him. It’s simply just him saying that they have to move their date again because of his schedule and apologizing profusely. 

Koushi had replied, not even a minute after Daichi sent the text, that it’ll be fine and they can reschedule whenever Daichi is free. 

Daichi reads the message but doesn’t respond⏤he has probably gotten pulled away by the whirlwind of his work once again.

Koushi doesn’t mind the waiting, and doesn't mind the long hours when they don’t talk. He’s a grown man, he knows he can live alone and be alone but he misses Daichi. He craves Daichi’s presence⏤wants to be with him more than ever. And what even is a man to do when he can’t satisfy a craving? 

He sighs at his phone for the millionth time. When he looks up from it, he’s met with Momo who is standing in front of his door, staring at him with such a piercing gaze.

Oh, come on. 

“What?” He asks the cat, who only meows back at him in response. “Yeah, I miss him. What am I supposed to do? He’s busy, Momo-chan! I can’t double text him.”

Her tail sways slowly behind her, she blinks at him then walks away just like that.

Koushi has never felt more judged in his life. 

Before Koushi can go and chase Momo to bother her for judging him, his phone pings with an alert of a message.

Koushi almost jumps in excitement, thumb sliding through his phone screen that it almost slips away from his hands.

[daichi 🐱🐱]
Hi Kou.
Sorry. Got busy.
But I’m free this weekend but I have to be at the clinic Sunday morning.
:( 

[you]
ohhhh
hi daiiii it’s okay
u dont have to squeeze me in ur sched if ur really busy
we can just try next week :) 

[daichi 🐱🐱]
I want to though.
I mean, if you’re free⏤that is!
Hope this isn’t too forward. But what do you think about dinner at my place?
:) I make a mean fried chicken.

Koushi gapes at his phone. 

Daichi is asking him to have dinner at his place⏤because he has work early Sunday morning, and he has found a slot in his day where Koushi can fit perfectly. 

Dinner, yes, dinner is good. 

It fits perfectly into their schedules, and they don’t have to worry about people seeing them. Perfect, it’s wonderful. When did Daichi even think of this? 

It takes a second and a half to type up his reply, no regrets or shame coming to him. 

[you]
sure.
let’s get dinner at ur place :) 

(🌠)

Koushi dresses down.

He finds himself more comfortable this time. And sure, he still wants to impress Daichi—that’s the point of these dates after all. The only difference now is that they’re meeting at Daichi’s place, at Daichi’s house—a place that Koushi has never breached.

He doesn’t want to dress too much, so he doesn’t text Asahi for outfit recommendations but instead he only thanks him for supporting him all this time. Asahi is confused, but tells him that he’s happy to be of service. 

He’s excited, more excited than he’s ever been. Are they taking the next step? Isn’t a home cooked dinner too personal? Hell. Koushi can’t complain, it’s the first time someone will cook for him with romance in mind and he’s not about to ruin this with overthinking.

With the most discreet items in his closet, Koushi tells his mom that he’s having dinner at Daichi’s. She teasingly reminds him to think of safety first before anything and that’s Koushi’s cue to run out of their house as fast as he can. 

His heart hammering in his chest, Koushi makes his way to the clinic.

Apparently, Daichi lives on the floor above the clinic. His grandfather used to own the building, and since his passing, everything in there now belongs to Daichi. Originally, Daichi wanted to pick him up and drive them to the clinic, but Koushi tells him that it’s okay and he doesn’t want to hassle him. It’ll be more convenient this way.

He’s trembling when he gets there, sweaty and nervous hands hover over the bell—he should probably ring it by now. He doesn’t want Daichi to think that he’s bailing on him when that’s the last thing that he wants to happen. But Koushi needs a moment to steel himself, it’s a new territory after all.

He breathes in and counts to ten, and at the tenth number—Koushi rings the bell.

What appears before the door is of course, something that Koushi hasn’t seen before—maybe he’s seen it in a far away dream, but the reality is a thousand times better than what his subconscious has conjured in his slumber.

“Hi,” Daichi breathes out, he has an apron on that cinches his waist. He has a university shirt on, a size too small from the clothes that he has usually seen Daichi wear and to complete the look—he’s wearing the shortest shorts that Koushi has ever seen on a man. Koushi thinks he’s going to pass out from the sight.

“Sorry about the mess,” Daichi apologizes and opens the door widely for Koushi to step in. Koushi has to force the parts of his brain that control his legs so he can walk inside because all he can do is stare at the way Daichi’s shorts ride up on his thighs. It’s like those ones he wore when they met at the jogging trail, except this one is more dangerous to Koushi’s health.

Koushi blinks. “Mess?” He looks around the apartment. It’s clean with minimal furniture, there’s a couch and a television set with a gaming console attached to it. It’s a wide apartment as the floor plan stretches out with no partition between the living room and the kitchen. It’s refreshing.

Plus, it both smells like Daichi and karaage. Possibly two of Koushi’s most favorite things in the world. 

“Daichi, I don't know what you’re talking about but this doesn’t look like a mess to me.” Koushi jeers, scrunching his nose up at Daichi’s humbleness as he follows him inside. 

“Ah, it’s just that I didn’t have the time to really clean up because it was busy today. I’m still in the middle of cooking so I hope you don’t mind waiting?” Daichi asks, gestures to the kitchen where Koushi can hear very loud cooking sounds from. 

His stomach is grumbling, but he’ll wait forever if it’s for Daichi.

“No problem with me.” He smiles, relaxes his shoulders and inhales. He realizes that this is the first time that he has seen Daichi in days, and there’s a tightening in his chest and a tingling on his palms. He wants to touch him, wants to reach out, wants to touch Daichi and hug him and tell him that he missed him.

But Koushi crosses his arms to stop himself from doing that, and instead, tells Daichi, “so are you going to let me watch you cook? Who knows maybe the ‘kiss the chef’ line will work on me? I’m not that easy though.”

Daichi laughs, shakes his head and leads him to the kitchen. “Alright, you be the judge if the chef is worthy of a kiss, then.”

If he is to be honest, Koushi doesn’t have to taste Daichi’s cooking to give him a kiss.

But that can wait.

(🌠)

Daichi has immaculate cooking skills. 

Koushi doesn’t know much or a lot about cooking, all he knows is that as long as it isn’t burnt or smells funny then it’s something that he can eat. 

But from the way Daichi talks about the recipe that’s been passed on from his grandfather, from the way he expertly moves in the kitchen like he has memorized where everything is—Koushi can tell enough that he’s immaculate at cooking. Plus, the gyoza that Daichi has served to him just in case he gets hungry before the chicken finishes cooking can attest to these skills. 

He’s sitting by the kitchen table, watching Daichi with his chin propped against his palm. Daichi is talking to him about how the temperature of the oil needs to be just right, and which is why he’s using a thermometer too.

He’s like being hypnotized—except with food and competence. Is that a thing? 

It’s probably just a Daichi thing. Daichi is good at everything he does, and Koushi can actually see him being a chef so he aks— 

“Have you ever thought of becoming a chef when you were younger, Daichi?”

Daichi pauses, turns to face him and leans back against the counter. He crosses his arms in thought and Koushi’s vision zeroes in on the way the muscles flex.

God, he’s so terrible.

“Actually,” Daichi begins, suddenly pensive and lost in thought, “I did, I wanted to be a lot of things when I was a kid. I wanted to be a cop, I wanted to be a firefighter, a chef—but because of my grandfather’s influence, I decided on becoming a veterinarian.”

“Is it something that you wanted too? Like, was it also a childhood dream?” He asks.

Daichi nods, a hint of a smile on his face, as if a good memory has just flashed before his eyes. “I wanted to become a lot of things when I was a kid but my biggest dream was that I wanted to become just like my grandfather.”

He hasn’t realized it, but he’s smiling too. Perhaps he didn’t know the older Doctor Sawamura personally, but if Daichi loves him and adores him this much—then Koushi knows that he is a good man even outside of his career.

“I’m sure he’s proud of the person you’ve become, Daichi.” 

Daichi blinks rapidly, his laugh booms in the kitchen as he busies himself with the chicken once again. He has turned around from Koushi now, but he asks. “Thank you… and what about you? Did you always want to become an actor?”

“Yep!” It’s an answer that doesn’t need to be thought of. “I’ve always wanted to be an actor. I did stageplays in school and I always liked watching those afternoon and primetime dramas. I used to memorize the lines a lot.” He recounts, laughing to himself at the memory of a very young Koushi telling his mom that he wants to be an actor.

“But ‘kaa-chan wanted me to study college too. So I did, I went to Tokyo and studied while I was doing acting gigs here and there! I was lucky enough to be able to balance it, really.” He says, reminds him of the days when he would be stuck in between an audition and a major exam. Of course there were times when he had to choose one over the other, but he’s grateful to be able to have gotten through it despite everything.

“That must have been really tough, huh?” Daichi asks as he serves the dinner, presented all prettily and deliciously. Koushi can physically feel his mouth begin to water. 

Koushi nods, he can’t deny that it was hard. He had to meet the expectations of the people around him, there is no way he can let anyone down. He can’t let his mother down and he can’t let his agency down either. It was stressful—but it was the kind of stress that Koushi wanted and craved at that time.

“It was really tough! I had to juggle going to auditions and then in the afternoon I have a freaking major exam. It was crazy.” Koushi leans forward, eyes trained both on Daichi and on the dinner that he’s serving. 

Koushi can spend all of his dinners like this for the rest of his life and he won’t even be complaining. Karaage can be the only thing he eats from now on as long as Daichi is the one cooking it. 

Daichi sets the table, and Koushi stands up to help but Daichi insists that he just sits down and waits to be served. He’s a guest, he’s treating him right. He’s being a warm host and in the illumination of Daichi’s kitchen light, the desire to kiss him on the mouth only grows tenfold.

Maybe after dinner, definitely after dinner.

Once the plates and food have been arranged neatly on the table, Koushi watches as Daichi takes out a bottle of sparkling cider from the fridge. He takes wine glasses with him too, chuckling to himself as he pops open the bottle of non-alcoholic drink.

“And here’s to us, reaching our childhood dreams. I think we both deserve a toast.”

Koushi laughs, takes the wine glass in between his fingers and raises it for Daichi to pour cider for him. “For our dreams.”

“For our dreams.”

(🌠)

The clock on Daichi’s pristine white walls tells him that it’s a quarter past 10 o’clock. He has stayed longer than intended. It’s supposed to be just dinner, but the conversation goes from different topics to another. They move from the dining table to the couch, where they occupy the opposite ends until Koushi notices the photo albums and yearbook under the coffee table. 

Daichi reluctantly and shyly takes them out from where he keeps them under the coffee table. He shows him the first photo album, which is a collection of his childhood memories back in Osaka. Daichi has round cheeks, missing front teeth and the same dark hair just cropped shorter. 

He can see Doctor Sawamura in some of the photos, there’s one where he has Daichi on his back and another where Daichi—no older than four, sleeps on his grandfather’s chest. There’s a family photo, and there are photos with his cousins and other relatives. The younger Daichi in the photos was smaller than his cousins, he looks absolutely adorable.

It takes everything in Koushi to not ask for his own personal copies of these photos.

“Actually, these are albums my grandfather had. He likes keeping photos so when I moved in, I just kept them where they are.” Daichi admits fondly, fingers hovering a photo of him and his grandfather during Daichi’s high school graduation. 

“Oh?” Koushi scoots closer. He doesn’t know just when they closed the gap between them but now, there is a miniscule space between them—enough for Koushi to prop his chin over on Daichi’s shoulder as he peers at the photo album on Daichi’s lap. 

Daichi leans back just enough to accommodate Koushi into his space, unquestioning and bending to his touches. There’s a fluttering in Koushi’s stomach, exploding all the way to the hair on his skin. Daichi is so close and warm and real.

“It seems like you guys are really close?” Koushi asks, moving until his thigh is brushing against Daichi. If he moves one more inch closer, he thinks that he’ll start melding into Daichi until they’re one entity.

And Daichi does move him closer.

In a bold move, one that seems to come out of nowhere, one that Daichi seems to do because he’s completely comfortable with Koushi’s presence, Daichi grabs the inside of Koushi’s thigh. 

His hand is able to cover the entire girth of Koushi’s leg, his fingers are pressing enough pressure on Koushi’s skin for him to grab his thigh and put his leg over Daichi’s own. It’s an act that says ‘come closer’ without even saying anything, and Daichi seems to not have noticed that he has done this, still completely engrossed in the memories brought back by the set of photos. 

Koushi tries to listen. He really does try to listen to him, but all he can think of is the way Daichi’s thigh feels underneath his own, how Daichi is so solid underneath his touch and Koushi thinks that he might just die from this experience alone.

“He used to live near us when I was very young but he moved here to set up the clinic. We’re not sure either why he decided to set it up so far away from home but he makes it a point to come and visit especially during important events.” Daichi says, and Koushi is trying to drown out the thoughts of Daichi’s body against him with thoughts of a younger Daichi who’s absolutely excited to meet his grandfather when he comes over from Osaka. 

Koushi doesn’t trust his voice at all now, so instead, he hums his response and accidentally digs his chin harder against Daichi’s shoulder. His hand is still on my thigh. “Mhm?” 

Daichi notices. Because even as Koushi attempts to modulate his voice, his little hum still comes out choked up and he really can’t speak now unless he wants to embarrass himself in front of Daichi.

“Are you alright, Koushi?” Daichi asks, turning to him and closing the album to set it on the coffee table. 

Koushi blinks up at him, pressing his lips together. When he looks up, Daichi’s face is an inch away from his own, his big eyes wide in worry and his lips caught under his own teeth.

Is it an inappropriate time to want to kiss him? 

“Hi,” Koushi grins bashfully, caught red handed in his own crime. 

Daichi laughs, deep and soft. The sound echoes all the way to the chambers of Koushi’s heart. “Hi, Koushi. Were you listening?”

Koushi shifts on the couch, his hand coming up to hold Daichi’s arm. He squeezes at the muscle there, and Daichi raises his brow at him. “I was… but…”

“But?” Daichi coaxes with  a handsome smile on his face. How can someone be like this? How can Daichi be real? 

He inhales, closes his eyes for a second and admits, “I got distracted.”

“Distracted?”

“Yeah…” Koushi breathes out, eyes darting downwards to Daichi’s lips, breath hitching when Daichi’s tongue swipes out to wet them. 

“Sorry,” Koushi’s voice is meek when he speaks, his face is warm and he knows that he’s as red as a tomato. “I was listening, really,” his hand squeezes at Daichi’s arm again, “but you’re so…” 

Daichi’s hand on his thigh shakes just slightly, so Koushi raises his leg to encourage him, to let him know that his space is open for Daichi, that he can breach into his personal space even more and he won’t mind a single bit. 

“So?” Daichi is flustered now too, his neck red and his eyes going hazy from how close they are to each other. If Koushi just moves his head forward a little bit more, he can kiss him right there and then.

Koushi wants to kiss him, that itch underneath his skin is coming up to the surface again. This is what’s causing that incessant itch, the part of him that can’t be satisfied unless he feels Daichi’s lips against his own. 

He swallows the lump on his throat, tips his head up until his nose brushes against Daichi’s own. “Kissable. Can I kiss you?” He asks, voice in a whisper, low and shy but sure. 

Daichi’s breath stutters when he exhales. “Koushi, yes, of course. You may—“

Without saying another word, Koushi kisses him.

He lunges forward, anchoring himself on Daichi’s arm and holds on to him with both hands. When their lips finally meet in a searing kiss, Daichi’s hands grab at his waist, lifting him up so that he’s sitting on his lap all the while he kisses him back.

Koushi’s heart hammers in his chest, his entire body on fire from the way Daichi kisses him. Daichi kisses him firmly, certainly and without any second guesses. Daichi kisses him as if he has kissed him in a thousand lifetimes before this. Daichi kisses him like he has kissed him before. 

He feels a hand on the back of his waist, and Koushi braces his legs around Daichi’s waist, arms wrapped around his neck and pulls him in closer. 

He doesn’t know for how long they kiss, maybe a minute or more—he’s lost in time and lost in the feeling of Daichi’s lips on his own. 

When they finally pull away though, Koushi’s eyes are bleary and his stomach flips when he sees Daichi’s spit-slick lips, swollen from the way Koushi has bitten them before letting go. 

“Oh my god,” Daichi exclaims, leaning back on the couch, throwing his head back as he erupts in laughter.

Koushi laughs too, collapsing forward with his head buried on the crook of Daichi’s neck.

God, he wants to kiss him again. 

“I’ve been wanting to kiss you since we watched the movie.” Koushi admits, voice muffled against Daichi’s shoulder.

Daichi rubs a hand up and down Koushi’s shoulder, his heartbeat loud in Koushi’s ears. 

“Me too, but I didn’t know if you wanted to kiss on the first date.”

Koushi whines, but without much fight in him. To be honest, his legs still feel like jelly and he’s still breathless from that kiss. “I do! Why didn’t you ask!” 

Daichi sits up straight, grabs Koushi’s chin and makes him look at him. Koushi blushes, the butterflies in his stomach going haywire. 

“Then, let me make it up to you. How about that?” 

(🌠)

Koushi always thought that dates meant that you had to go out. He always thought that hangouts were only considered a date if there’s an activity to do or a goal to accomplish. Well—who can blame him? He always played the role of the perfect boyfriend. 

But being with Daichi has proved that belief wrong. With Daichi, it’s alright to be just at home—away from the risk of the public eye catching them. They get to spend so much time together without the fear of their lives being overturned because of people not being able to mind their own business.

They meet a lot at Daichi’s place, most days it happens after Daichi’s work and Koushi lets Kaori know that he’ll be staying the night at Daichi’s place. It doesn’t mean that he’s spending all of his time with Daichi though, because at the end of the day—his vacation back home is for his mother. He still spends most of his days with her if she isn’t at work.

It surprises Koushi how well he manages his time, even without Take-chan helping him out. 

Rummaging through the drawers, Koushi earns a slight shock when he finds his clothes folded neatly in a drawer in Daichi’s room. He doesn’t think he can really ever get used to this. 

How domestic. 

When he was finishing his promotions for his movie a month ago, he certainly didn’t expect that he would be finding his clothes inside another man’s drawers. But he’s not complaining, there’s really nothing to complain about. How can he complain about a life he never imagined that he would ever get to live? 

It puts a smile to his face, just staring at the neatly folded familiar clothes that have found their home in a corner of Daichi’s place. 

“Koushi?”

Daichi comes inside the room, and Koushi jolts in surprise as he closes the drawer. Right. He was supposed to have a shower before turning down for the night. 

“Yes?” He stands up from where he’s squatting, meets Daichi in the middle of the room and greets him with a kiss. It still makes his heart flutter when he realizes that this is something he can do now—kiss Daichi without holding back. 

Daichi grins into the kiss, places a hand on the small of his back and raises the book he’s holding up in his other hand. “This yours? I was cleaning up the living room and found this.”

Koushi gasps, taking the book—which actually is the manuscript of his new drama that he has been studying recently. Because he’s been over at Daichi’s place a lot, Koushi has made it a second nature to bring the manuscript to him if he finds time to study it. 

“Yeah! Sorry, I must have left it when I was rummaging through my bag for my toothbrush. Actually, it’s the script for my upcoming drama. It starts filming in January of next year so I’m studying the scenes and memorizing the script already. It’s best to be ahead.” 

Daichi makes a sound of surprise, watches as Koushi walks over to the bed and sits at the edge. He opens it to a bookmarked page, revealing highlighted parts with annotations by Koushi at the side. This is how Koushi likes to digest his script, he reads it all of it at once and then goes through it again with his highlighter and pen to mark down his notes and lines. Then, he memorizes them.

“Wow,” Daichi says as he walks over to where Koushi is, sitting next to him on the bed, “it’s like you’re studying entire books for every project, huh?”

“Yup.” Koushi agrees. “We all have different styles and ways to remember our lines, and this is mine. It’s a little bit messy but it works for me! I also note down what I think the character’s thoughts or feelings are at the moment, or how they should act or even their little gestures. I want to make sure I do justice to the characters.” 

Daichi nods, listening intently as he reads through the script. He probably isn’t allowed to let Daichi read the script but hell, what’s there to lose? 

“So,” he asks, grinning as an idea pops into his head, “would you like to be spoiled for my new drama?”

Daichi furrows his eyebrows at him, glances back at the script and then realizes what Koushi may mean by that. “Are you letting me read the script?” 

Koushi shakes his head. Oh, he should have clarified what he meant. “I mean, you can read it if you like but what do you think about helping me memorize the script? How about it? I mean, if you’re not too tired—“

“Oh, of course Koushi, I’d love to.”

“Perfect, let me go and shower!”

Watching his movie with Daichi is different from acting with Daichi. Sure, Daichi is just going to be reading off a script but he's still acting with him. Then again, he doesn’t think that there needs to be a lot of acting needed when he’s playing the role of a man who is absolutely fond when he is acting against Daichi.

After he has showered, he slips into pajamas and waits for Daichi to finish showering too. He plans to just throw a couple of lines at Daichi and get him in the loop of the plot, and then memorize the next scene with him before hitting the hay.

January both feels so close and so far away. The first week of December has gone by so quickly, and Koushi is reminded of his return back to Tokyo—he’s reminded of the reality he has to face, that he needs to talk to Daichi about where they want to take this… and if they want to take this further.

Koushi shakes his head, flips his manuscript open and wills those thoughts away. They’ll need to talk about it soon, but not tonight. Koushi doesn’t know if he’s ready for that conversation. 

Daichi comes out of the bathroom, towel around his neck and his sleeping clothes already pulled on. 

“You ready for your acting lesson, Dai?” Koushi teases, moving up on the bed and sitting against the headboard. 

Daichi crawls up on the bed next to him. They’ve slept next to each other a couple of times now, this has been something so recurring in their blossoming relationship but Koushi still finds himself excited when the space on the bed next to him dips with Daichi’s weight. 

“Definitely ready, I’m so honored to be learning directly from an award-winning actor.” Daichi laughs, grabbing a pillow and putting it on his lap as he scoots next to Koushi.

Koushi hands him the manuscript, index finger pointing at the highlighted text. “Okay. Context. I’m someone who has never left the town he was born in. I have a bestfriend that moved away years ago but I’m still hung up on them because we promised that we would get married when we’re older. We lost connection but I still want to know them, meet them. The story starts when they come back from abroad—and they aren’t the person I thought that they would be. They’re not the person I made up in my head. Got that?”

“That’s rough,” Daichi comments, eyes skimming through the text, “and I am the estranged best friend?”

“Yup, your lines are highlighted in orange. The scene is here is a confrontation scene so it might be a bit heavy, I’m having trouble memorizing the lines along with memorizing what kind of feeling my character needs to evoke so I’d really appreciate your help, Daichi.”

Daichi nods, then beams up at him. “Okay, let’s do this.”

Koushi closes his eyes, inhales then exhales. 

“But you promised me, didn’t you? I waited for you for years with no contact because I held on to your promise—“

“That was a promise made twenty years ago, are you that dense?” Daichi isn’t looking at him, but he’s reading off of the script and has his eyes brows furrowed in the middle of his forehead. But there’s a weight to his voice that Koushi hasn’t heard before, 

It’s just acting, it is, but Daichi’s role in his life is far too real and close for him to easily tell himself that Daichi is just playing his character.

What will he do if Daichi really asks him these words? What will he do if suddenly Daichi wakes up one day and he wants nothing to do with him anymore? 

There’s a pang in Koushi's chest, sending tears to brim around his eyes. Ah, asking Daichi to be his acting partner is definitely perfect. 

“Dense?” His voice trembles when he speaks, this time, Daichi looks up at him. “I’ve been in love with you for two decades, I waited for you, I kept our promise. You don’t have to be in love with me too, but I’m asking that you just stop treating me like shit.”

“I’m not treating you like shit.” A pause. Daichi looks at the script and then looks back up at Koushi, expressionless. “I’m treating you like a stranger. Which you are, I don’t know who you are anymore and you don’t know who I am anymore. Stop acting like a child who didn’t get what you wanted and leave me alone, please.” 

This time, when Koushi blinks, the tears begin to fall. Daichi is startled, the manuscript falling back down on the bed as he moves forward to cup Koushi’s cheek in worry. Daichi’s not supposed to do this, it’s not in the script—Koushi knows he has one more line to say.

“Okay, if that’s what you want. Then, then I’ll—I’ll give up, just like you wanted. I’ll stay away from you. Thank you for being my friend, and I’m sorry for bothering the stranger that you have become.” Koushi’s tears don’t stop, and he’s holding on to Daichi’s wrists as Daichi holds him, shaking his head.

“Oh, Koushi,” Daichi exhales, presses their foreheads together as he wipes the tears off of Koushi’s cheeks with his thumbs, “I can’t see you crying like this, I’m sorry—can we call cut?” 

Koushi nods as he begins to laugh, Daichi breaking his character takes Koushi away from the headspace of his character too. 

“Daichi, you broke character!” He whines, but doesn’t mind the way that Daichi is peppering his face with kisses, wiping away the salty tears with each and every press of his lips. 

“Sorry,” Daichi laughs, “I knew you were a good actor but god, it broke my heart seeing you cry like that. I don’t want to see you cry ever again.” 

Koushi grins, wraps his legs around Daichi’s waist and pulls him in  until they fall back on the bed. “To be honest, I do cry easily on command but the fact that those words came from you made me emotional, I guess? Just the thought of you waking up one day to tell me that I’m just a stranger to you… I don’t know how I’d be able to handle it.”

Daichi hovers over him, hands on either side of Koushi’s head as he supports his own weight. “You don’t have to know,” Daichi whispers, looking at him with bright eyes even under the dim light of Daichi’s bedroom, “because that’ll never happen. You’ll never be just a stranger to me.”

“Hm,” Koushi hums, hands finding purchase on Daichi’s sides, “promise?”

“Promise. You may wake up one day and decide that I’m not worthy to be by your side anymore, but there’s never going to be a day when I wake and you’re a stranger to me. Even if I tried, you can’t ever be a stranger to me, Koushi.”

Koushi digests Daichi’s words, arms wrapping around Daichi in order to tug him close until they’re hugging. Daichi’s weight above him is heavy, but he likes it—he likes being aware that Daichi is here, that Daichi is near and Daichi isn’t going away.

He knows that Daichi is here, but he doesn’t know that Daichi has been having these thoughts where Koushi would wake up one day and suddenly—he doesn’t want to be around Daichi anymore.

Because really, nothing could have been further from the truth.

“Do you think that?” Koushi asks, biting at Daichi’s shoulder. 

“Hm?”

“Do you think that one day I’ll decide that I don’t want to be by your side anymore? Do you really think that?”

Daichi pulls away just enough for him to meet Koushi’s eyes. When Koushi looks at him, he frowns at Daichi, lips jutting out in a pout.

“I… well,” Daichi is at a loss for words, scratching at the back of his head as he tries to find his tongue. 

Koushi huffs. “Then, I’d like to tell you that you’re wrong. There can’t ever be a day when I’d wake up and I don’t want to have you around anymore. If I ever wake up like that, that’s not me, that’s my evil twin who doesn’t want me to be happy. But me, I’d always want you—Daichi, anytime and anywhere, I’d want you.”

A small smile begins to form on Daichi’s lips, and Koushi’s heart begins to swell ten times in size when Daichi speaks. 

“I want you too, Koushi. As long as you’ll allow me to want you, then I’ll keep on wanting you—words are just words but I’m willing to show you that I mean it, I’ll be here until you don’t want me to be here.” Daichi utters his words like a wedding vow, velvety and smooth in Koushi’s ear, like it’s a promise that he can rely on. A promise that he can believe in.

Koushi grabs him by the front of his shirt, “then, you’ll be stuck wanting me for a while because I don’t think I’d stop wanting you anytime soon too, Daichi.”

Daichi chuckles, leans down and tucks a strand of hair behind Koushi’s ear. “Then,” Daichi rasps, adjusts his position and it’s only now that Koushi truly realizes how close they are. When Daichi shifts, he does it enough so that he pushes his thigh in between Koushi’s legs, hands sliding down on the underside of his thighs as he grabs him there.

“Then, let me show you how much I want you, Koushi—“ A kiss to the underside of his jaw, right where the hidden mole lies, “let me show you, will you let me?” Another kiss to the shell of his ear, and Koushi feels that all the way to his bones. 

Koushi has never wanted someone this much, has never wanted someone so tangibly that he feels it in his chest—that if he doesn’t touch every inch of Daichi’s skin now and if he doesn’t kiss him until he’s making heavenly noises, he thinks that he’s going to die.

There’s a burning under his skin that only Daichi can cool, an itch deep inside his guts that only Daichi can reach. There’s a space in his heart that only Daichi can fill. 

Koushi gasps, hand running up to grab at the hair on the back of Daichi’s head. He tilts his own head up, enough so that they meet in a gentle brush. “Of course, Daichi. And let me show you how much I want you, too.” 

(It’s not the first time that Koushi and Daichi sleep next to each other, but it’s the first time they sleep with each other. It’s the first time that Koushi has ridden someone so hard they cried, it’s the first time Koushi has been fucked so hard that he thinks he can’t walk for days. It’s the best sex of his life and he knows that it’s not just fucking. The taste of making love lingers on Koushi’s tongue, even as Daichi cleans them up and promises a good breakfast tomorrow. 

This is making love.)

(🌠)

He gets a scolding from his mother when she sees the marks on his neck, lovingly left there by Daichi the last time he came over at his place. 

He tells her that of course they’re being safe and that he won’t go out in public dressed in clothes that show the marks Daichi had left. But then, she hugs him and tells him that Daichi should come over for dinner soon. It’s not entirely surprising that she wants Daichi to have dinner at their house, after all, this all happened due to her orchestration. It did come with some help from Momo too but he’s glad that Momo is much better now. 

This is what Koushi tells Daichi when they meet at Daichi’s place once again during that week. 

They have formed this routine, where Koushi will come over at Daichi’s place for dinner and stay until the morning. On weekends when the clinic is closed, Koushi will stay for the weekend. The drawer of his clothes has grown bigger and now, Koushi has his own indoor slippers and a toothbrush that he leaves in Daichi’s bathroom.

It’s blissful, almost like a dreamlike fantasy that Koushi will soon snap out of. But it’s real, and he’s here, the way that the hickeys still hurt when he presses down on them tells him enough that he’s in reality, that he’s not going to wake up and Daichi will disappear.

As they say, Koushi is absolutely living his best life. He can’t ask for more.

“So yeah,” Koushi says as he exchanges his indoor slippers for a pair of shoes by the genkan. Daichi is right behind him, putting on his hoodie and grabbing his keys. They’re on their way out to buy some convenience store snacks before they start their Disney movie night. Usually, Daichi will make snacks or Koushi will grab something from their pantry back at their house to bring, but today is a little bit different. It’s late, it won’t hurt to go to the nearby convenience store, right?

It’s not like anyone’s going to see them.

“Mom wants you to come over for dinner but I keep telling her that your schedule doesn’t free you up until dinner is over. No pressure though, I understand if you don’t want us to have dinner with her. She’ll ask a lot of questions, you know? And Momo will definitely bother us.” 

Daichi is his… boyfriend now. That’s right, isn’t it? Sure, they haven’t exactly put a label on it, or talked about it in great detail but what they’re doing together, what they have, it has long since crossed the boundary between friendship and romance. If anyone asks, he’ll probably say that Daichi is his boyfriend and he knows that Daichi won’t mind.

Boyfriend. Koushi is Daichi’s boyfriend. That statement brings a smile to Koushi’s face. 

Daichi hums thoughtfully, passing by him as he holds the door open for Koushi. “Well,” Daichi presses a hand to the small of Koushi’s back when he passes by him, then closes the door behind him as they exit the apartment, “I’d love to.”

“Really?” Disbelief fills Koushi’s tone. Somehow, a part of him expected Daichi to agree that he’s too busy right now for any dinners that aren’t at his place. Quite frankly, it’s a nice surprise.

They descend the stairs, passing by the clinic and making their way to the everpresent convenience store on the street across the building. 

“Yeah! I know Kaori-san and it’s been a while since I saw Momo too. I think it’s a good idea, honestly. Plus… I’d have to properly ask for your hand, don’t I?” Daichi offers his hand out to him, palm up as he dons that handsome smile. It’s the kind of smile that tells Koushi he’s confident and knows what he’s doing. It’s the kind of smile that Koushi wants to kiss away from his lips.

But they’re in public, so Koushi keeps that in mind until they get back inside Daichi’s apartment.

“I’ll tell her then,” Koushi grins, taking Daichi’s hand in his own. 

They walk hand in hand  to the convenience store. To be honest, being outside and holding hands with Daichi like this is exhilarating, like the rise on a rollercoaster ride before the big drop. He knows that it’s not dangerous, and it’s not a life or death situation but yet there’s that taste of adrenaline on his tongue, keeping him on edge and making him stick to Daichi like a lifeline. 

The convenience store is mostly empty, there’s the cashier by the counter, there’s someone enjoying rice balls on a table by the window and someone deciding between a chocolate-flavored or strawberry-flavored snack.

They shuffle together to the junk food shelves, his arm warped around Daichi’s waist as he hangs around him while Daichi moves around and chooses snacks. It’s freeing to be like this around Daichi, freeing to be outside with Daichi like this. Can anyone blame Koushi for being clingy?

“What do you think I should cook for her?” Daichi asks as he picks up a bag of honey butter chips.

This time, Koushi is hugging him from the back fully, attached to him like a koala with his chin propped over Daichi’s shoulder. Daichi doesn’t seem to mind, and welcomes the Koushi attached to him like a second limb.

Koushi purses his lips, points at the sour cream and onion flavored chips for Daichi to pick up too. Daichi grabs it as ordered. “Hm, well, there’s a list of her favorite food… but at this point, you don’t have to try hard to impress her. She totally likes you.”

Daichi snorts. “Still, I don’t want to come empty-handed.”

They talk about dinner options, Koushi lists down his mom’s favorite foods and Daichi tells him if he can or can’t make it. He tells Koushi that he can learn most anything if he puts his best into it, but he still wants to cook something that he knows so that he’s sure that it’s going to taste perfect.

They pay for their snacks, put them in a paper bag and make their way back to the convenience store⏤still attached to the hip, drunk in love.  

It’s good, they’re happy. Everything is going swimmingly. 

(🌠)

Koushi wakes up with a headache.

He’s in Daichi’s bed but the spot next to him is empty when he reaches his arm out to feel around for Daichi. He’s used to this, Daichi will wake up earlier and make breakfast or he’ll be down at the clinic already starting his work day.

It’s still the weekend, they should be sleeping in and Daichi should still be in the kitchen making breakfast or watching reruns of a volleyball game. 

He forces himself to sit up, the headache growing stronger. It must have been from all the snacks he had eaten last. 

When Koushi looks around the room, orienting himself before getting out of the room and into the living room where he is certain Daichi is at, Koushi notices the consistent glowing of his phone.

“Huh?” He says to himself, grabbing his phone from the nightstand. The time tells him that it’s thirty minutes past nine in the morning, but the clock on the lockscreen is mostly obstructed by a flood of messages from Takeda. 

He forces himself to get out of bed, wrenching his eyes open as he clutches at his chest. Does he really want to look at the messages? His anxiety is preparing him for the worst news in the world, his pulse prominent in his throat as he unlocks his phone.

When the screen takes him to the messaging app, there’s a single message from Takeda on top of all the missed calls notification.

‘Call me when you wake up, Koushi. It’s urgent.’ 

This is when Koushi knows that it’s serious. Takeda doesn’t talk to him like this unless it’s regarding matters that can put either of them in trouble. The last thing that Koushi wants is to cause Takeda any more stress than he already has. 

He swallows hard, stares at the door that leads to the living room and prays that Daichi doesn’t enter in the middle of this phone call. When he finally presses on the call button, Takeda answers the phone on the first ring.

“Take-chan,” Koushi’s voice trembles when he speaks, pacing around the bedroom as he does so.

“Koushi, I’m glad you answered. Did you just wake up?” Takeda’s voice comes out very strung out, like he’s been in a meeting for a very long time and he just wants to go home and fall asleep. His poor manager, what kind of trouble did Koushi bring him this time?

His stomach flips and turns as the phone call drags. “I did… sorry, woke up late. I… let’s get straight to the point, Take-chan. Am I in trouble?”

Koushi’s biting on his nails now, waiting in anticipation and worry as Takeda takes a deep breath through the other end of the line. There’s a sound of rustling, then a chair squeaks before Takeda finally tells him what’s going on.

“Are you dating Sawamura Daichi?”

Koushi’s stomach falls, his knees go weak at the mention of Daichi’s full name from Takeda. He hasn’t told Takeda anything about Daichi, but now he knows that his company is aware of who Daichi is—of what Koushi has been doing in his time away from the limelight. 

He fucked up, didn’t he? He got too careless. But when could this have happened? They’ve been spending all their time inside and when they don’t, Koushi makes sure that he’s properly disguised to the best of his abilities to avoid recognition. 

“W-why?” Koushi asks. “Did something happen?”

Takeda sighs. “Koushi, I need you to sit down for this. Okay? Is your mom there with you? You might want to have her around.”

Koushi shakes his head. “No, no it’s okay. Tell me, Take-chan. What is it about Daichi and how do you know his name?”

“Photos got sent at the office, it’s a photo of you and a guy at a convenience store, you were photographed holding hands and hugging the guy. The company has been dealing with it all morning so we managed to find out that it’s the veterinarian you take your cat to. I’m sorry, Koushi. I wasn’t able to protect your privacy, but the higher ups wanted to know who you were involved with.”

Koushi inhales shakily. Convenience store? But that was just last night! There’s no one in the convenience store except for them, the cashier and fuck, there were two other people there last night. He had been too engrossed in Daichi to pay attention to his surroundings. He fucked up. 

“So, now… they want to call you back here to explain yourself but I asked if I could discuss it with you first. I believe you don’t have to explain yourself dating to anyone, but you know how it is, Koushi—people talk, and so many things are at stake here. But I’m not going to leave you alone, you know that right?”

He nods wordlessly, and as if Takeda can see him, he continues.

“Now, here’s what I have in mind, Koushi. I need you to tell me what you want to do, we have options—limited but we have options. They want to release the photos because it’s going to be a good story, you being embroiled in a dating scandal with another man will be the biggest talk of the year. It’s going to be everywhere, Koushi. I know it fucking sucks, but it will certainly have an impact on your career, a lot of people believe that it’s something that you won’t be able to recover from. And then we can release a statement, whatever is the truth that you want to tell us and whatever is the truth that you want to share to the rest of the world.” 

“However, our company wants to buy the silence of the photographers, you’re our biggest star so of course they’re going to invest in you. But here’s the thing, Koushi. I know, this sucks, and I’m sorry I can’t bargain for more but they might not allow long breaks like this anymore until your contract ends, you’ll probably be worked to the bone but no one, other than those who already know him, will know who Daichi is. He’ll keep living as a private veterinarian peacefully. But of course, that will follow that the company expects you to cut contact with Daichi, but I know you Koushi, you’re not the kind of person to do that.”

Takeda sighs out. Koushi hasn’t fully registered all of his words yet, to be honest.

“So, Koushi. Tell me, who is Daichi in your life and what do you want to do?” 

What does Koushi want to do?

Koushi wants to tell the rest of the world to fuck off, Koushi wants to bury himself under his covers and not come out of it for the rest of his life, Koushi wants to live his own life without putting the livelihood of other people at stake, Koushi wants Daichi to live a peaceful life, one without the chaos that fame brings. Koushi wants Daichi to decide for his own, this decision isn’t his alone to make.

“Take-chan… thank you for everything that you do for me, I appreciate you being my manager all this time. I don’t think I could have survived it at all if you weren’t taking care of me.” He says, almost in a whisper, like he’s a scolded child.

Takeda laughs weakly from the other end of the line. “Come on, Koushi. Don’t say that you’re like saying goodbye. I told you, I’m not going to leave you alone. I’m going to stick with whatever decision you make, that’s my responsibility and promise to you as your manager. It’s your personal life at stake here, and even though it shouldn’t have been revealed like this, you and I know how it is…”

“I know.” Koushi closes his eyes, and it’s only now that he notices that he has been crying, it’s only now that he notices how wet his cheeks have gotten. Perhaps it’s why he can’t breathe properly. “But I still want to thank you, I’ve given you a lot of headaches in the past, and this is the biggest one… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you dare say sorry for being in love.” Takeda chides. “But, I would appreciate an apology for not telling me about Sawamura-san sooner. I bet he’s wonderful, isn’t he?”

“God,” Koushi swallows hard, “he is, Take-chan. You know I’m careful, you know how I feel about dating but he’s just—he made me want to break all the rules, he made me want to experience everything that there is to experience about love. He understands me and knows me so well, it’s like, I met him in a past life, do you know what I mean?”

Takeda chuckles and Koushi can practically see the smile on his manager’s face. What did he do in a past life to have a manager as understanding and as selfless as Takeda? “I can’t say I do, but I know he makes you really happy…. so, Koushi, tell me what you want to do?” 

Koushi inhales, stares at the door and steels himself when he hears Daichi singing to the tune of his favorite Disney song. “I… can I call you back? It’ll be really quick, I promise.”

“Alright Koushi, I expect you to call me back before the day ends, okay?” 

“Okay.”

“Take care, Koushi.”

“You too, Take-chan.”

(🌠)

Koushi’s legs still feel like jelly when he exits out of the room and into the living room to meet with Daichi.

The phone conversation with Takeda has weighed on him heavily. The moment that he steps out of Daichi’s apartment, his whole world will have changed. If he decides to go with the first option, he’ll have Daichi and the whole world will know who he is, the whole world will know about the life they’ve created that’s entirely theirs. But he won’t have a career anymore, and that means that Takeda and the rest of his team will be out of jobs too. Too many people are relying on his career and he can’t let them down.

If he chooses the second option, he’ll keep his career and the people relying on him will continue on living as if nothing had happened. But he’ll have to let go of Daichi, he’ll have to live as if he hadn’t had the best month of his life being with Daichi, he’ll have to forget everything that has ever happened during the course of his vacation. He doesn’t even mind being worked to the bone, something that he’s already used to, but what he doesn’t want to happen is to live a life where he isn’t allowed to be with Daichi anymore. 

The least he can do now, really, is to tell Daichi about it. That’s the right thing to do, and even though he’s scared and anxious, even though he’s worried about what Daichi will say or of what Daichi will choose, he has to do the right thing. Daichi deserves the right thing, he deserves to know what’s going on. 

When he finally makes it out of the bedroom, Daichi has set out breakfast on the dining table with the television tuned in to the sports channel. It’s a football game this time, one that Koushi doesn’t understand enough to tune in to but Daichi has always loved any and all kinds of sports. 

As he looks at Daichi, who’s completely unaware of the situation, he almost doesn’t want to do it. He almost wants to run away and tell Daichi to not contact him anymore. He doesn’t want to be a burden to anyone, and doesn't want to burden Daichi with the weight of Koushi’s decisions.

But Daichi is involved in this as much as Koushi is. The love that he has for Daichi is greater than his fears, and that is why he’s going to tell him.

“Daichi,” Koushi calls out to him, hugging himself as he makes his way to the dining area. Daichi spins around, greets him with a big grin and rushes to him midway in order to scoop him up in a hug. In Daichi’s arms like this, Koushi feels the safest.

“Good morning, babe.” Daichi sets him back down on his feet, cupping his cheeks and leaning in to greet him with a good morning kiss but stops when he notices the tear stains on his rosy cheeks. 

Daichi raises a brow, thumbs running across the apples of Koushi’s cheeks. “Is… everything alright, Koushi?” 

Koushi avoids eye contact, choosing instead to stare at the coffee table behind Daichi. “I… no, we need to talk.”

Worry immediately floods Daichi’s expression, his hands drop from Koushi’s cheeks to his waist, his hands big and secure and stable. It grounds Koushi steadily. 

“Okay, we can talk, of course. But let’s sit down by the table and I’ll get you a glass of water first, okay?” 

Koushi nods helplessly and allows Daichi to lead him to the dining table without separating from him. They only part from each other when Daichi has sat Koushi down so that he can grab him a glass of water. Daichi makes him drink, and Koushi does as he’s told obediently. He only has enough energy to talk about the most important matter at hand right now. 

Daichi brings a chair across from him, sits close to him so that their knees are bumping against each other, sits next to him so that he can hold Koushi’s cold hands in his own warm ones. He’s so near to him, sitting at a spot perfectly located to catch Koushi if he falls.

God, can Daichi be any  more perfect? 

“So, what is it you want to talk about, Koushi? I’ll listen.”

Koushi looks at their entwined hands, squeezes tight as he tells Daichi what Takeda’s phone call was about.

He tells him about the photos, tells him about his company’s decision 

He tells him about Takeda’s question to him. Who is Daichi in his life and what he wants to do next. He tells Daichi that these are questions that he needs his help to answer. 

There’s a moment of silence that disperses between them, with Daichi just rubbing his hands over Koushi’s own to warm them, the both of them sit still in thought. 

“Oh,” Daichi lets out when Koushi finishes telling him about what happened, not once did Daichi’s hands fall away from his own, keeping him together until he hears the end of his story.

Carefully, lovingly, Daichi brings up Koushi’s knuckles to his lips—pressing kisses where  Koushi’s fists have gone white. “And… what do you want to do, Koushi?” Daichi finally asks, his voice low and calm, not a hint of disappointment or distaste in them. He isn’t angry, he isn’t sad, Koushi can’t quite understand the tone of Daichi’s voice.

He lets out a shaky breath. “I… I don’t know, Daichi. I want to keep you safe but I don’t want to be away from you, I want to be with you but I don’t want to take away the kind of peaceful, private life that you have now. God knows how much I want to be with you, Daichi—but I don’t want you to suffer the consequences of being in my life.” 

On one hand, he gets to be with Daichi but he sacrifices the life of the people around him. Even the thought of it is too selfish for Koushi to even consider, but his heart wants, craves, desires, and needs to be with Daichi.

How can someone he met only a couple of months ago carve such a permanent place in his heart? He’s certain this is something only Daichi can do.

“That’s why,” Koushi chokes out, he’s trying to speak through the hot tears, “that’s why I told you, Daichi… I can’t make this decision alone… I need you to tell me what you want too, if you want to be with me, or if… if this is all just something we’re doing for a good time, you know?”

Koushi is familiar with commitment, he’s committed to his work, committed to his characters and committed to the stories presented to him by the production team. For almost all of his life, Koushi has known what it is like to be fully committed to something with his entire being, with his entire soul—to be so truly dedicated that it burns his entire soul. Now that he thinks about it, he doesn’t think he can live a life where he can no longer act. 

Koushi had acting even when he had no one—he had his characters to play, he had the scripts to memorize and he had stages to be on. He had acting even when he wasn’t Sugawara Koushi on the billboard, he had acting even if he was just a little side character that played an unimportant role. 

But Daichi has come into his life, bringing in new colors. Daichi filled in the parts of Koushi that were void of light, touched the parts of him that this career couldn’t reach. Daichi gave him something that his work can’t provide, Daichi gave him love and Daichi gave him a new perspective. 

Why does he have to choose? It’s not fair. It’s not fair. 

Daichi intertwines their fingers, palms pressed together until they share Daichi’s warmth⏤enough to battle the sheer cold eating Koushi up from the inside out. 

“Koushi, I’ve known you for such a short time but you’ve changed my life in so many ways. I have something else to look forward to other than work, you make everyday fun and even though I know the time we have together isn’t always going to be like this, I cannot imagine a day where I am no longer allowed to talk to you. In any way or shape or form, I want to get to know you⏤I want to be around you for as long as I am allowed.” Daichi speaks against Koushi’s knuckles, continuously pressing tender kisses there as he talks.

Koushi can’t stop crying now. What is Daichi even talking about? It’s him that doesn’t deserve this, it’s him that doesn’t deserve what they have. Koushi doesn’t deserve Daichi, he doesn’t deserve to hurt Daichi because of his career and because of the path that he has chosen in life. Daichi deserves a happy life, where he can go out on dates without having to worry about people prying into his private life. He deserves a relationship where he can be boasted about, bragged about to their friends and colleagues, announced to the world that he is loved and in love.

Koushi can’t give him any of that. Asking Daichi to stay with him would mean asking Daichi to keep hidden, it would mean asking Daichi to pretend that he doesn’t know Koushi more than the actor that the rest of the world knows.  

“Being with you, here, now⏤it feels like a glimpse of heaven that I shouldn’t deserve. So Koushi, I’m sorry if what I’m going to say is selfish but… even if you are just wanting to have a good time, if you don’t want this to last, that’s fine with me. I like being with you⏤in any way or form that you allow me to be. I would like this to last for as long as you still want me in your life, Koushi. I don’t mind sacrifices, I don’t mind being kept a secret⏤I just... I want to be with you.” 

I want to be with you. 

That’s all it takes. That’s all it takes for the two sides of Koushi to finally choose, that’s all it takes for Koushi to decide what he wants too even if it means that the whole world will be against them.

They’ll have a lot to face, a lot of conversations to have, a lot of compromises to make and a lot of working it out together in order to stay together, but the look Daichi gives him tells Koushi that no matter how hard it gets⏤it’s going to be okay, they’re going to be okay. 

I love you, I want to be with you. The words burn on his tongue, coming from something deeply rooted in his heart. How can he, Sugawara Koushi, fight the heart when it comes to the matters that it deals the best with?  

“Daichi,” he pries his hands away from Daichi’s own, and as they tremble in midair, Koushi cups Daichi’s cheeks with his hands, the gesture full of certainty. If Daichi doesn’t want to let him go, then who is he to let Daichi go? If Daichi tells him that he wants to be with Koushi for as long as Koushi will let him, who is he to give him a deadline? 

Koushi wants Daichi in his life too, for as long as Daichi would like to be in his. 

“Daichi,” he repeats Daichi’s name like a prayer, as if each time he says the syllables of his name , the love he has in his heart will reach the heavens—will tell any god who might be looking on them to guide them in this rocky path, and maybe it is a prayer. 

Maybe it’s a prayer, because maybe at this point he’s asking for a miracle.

“Daichi, I love you—and I want to be with you, that’s really all I want.” He sobs into Daichi’s shoulder as Daichi pulls him into a hug.

“Me too, Koushi. Me too.” Daichi whispers against his hair, pressing kisses at the top of his head as they hold each other like that. “I hope I’m not asking you for too much, I don’t think I can bear a life where I have to pretend I don’t love you. I love you, Koushi. And I’m willing to do anything for you, no matter what it is.”

“No, no,” Koushi stops his train of thought right there, pulls away just enough for him to look Daichi in the eyes, “you’re not asking me for too much. I’m the one who’s asking for too much. You deserve a relationship where you’re not going to be hidden, where you can brag proudly about your partner and not feel scared of doing it. I’m sorry that I’m asking you this, Daichi.”

Daichi presses a palm to the side of his face, cupping his jaw and leans in to kiss him on the lips. Koushi closes his eyes, melts into the kiss  and he can taste the salty tears on their lips. 

Daichi is comfort personified, the only person in this entire world that Koushi can find rest in even just through a single glance. When he looks at Daichi, Koushi feels at ease. When he’s with Daichi, Koushi feels as thought everything is going to turn out good. Even though things might be bad now, Koushi knows that he just has to stick with Daichi and things will eventually get better. 

“Don’t say sorry, I wanted this too. This isn’t your fault, none of it is. You’re just someone who loves and is loved. There’s nothing wrong with that, and Koushi—you’ve got me wrapped around your finger. There’s no way I can go anywhere now that you have me.” Daichi chuckles a little as he speaks, his laughter like a glimpse of sunlight on a cloudy day.

Koushi’s heart is lighter now, and he finds himself smiling too.

He pulls Daichi in another hug, his cheek pressed to Daichi’s heartbeat. It’s steady, strong and loud. Daichi’s heartbeat syncs with his own. 

“I’m going to have to make a phone call… to my manager…” He says slowly, uncertain of how Takeda will take the news that he wants to continue working and wants to be with Daichi. He’s not going to choose one over the other, he doesn’t have to and he wants Takeda to know that he doesn’t want to choose. 

He can both be a superstar actor and a loving boyfriend. It’s going to take a lot to play both roles at the same time but who is Koushi if not a hard worker?

“Put him on speaker then, I’d like to speak to him too.”

(🌠)

Takeda takes it well.

They tell Takeda, hand in hand, that they want to stay together even if it means hiding from the rest of the world. Daichi promises Takeda that he isn’t with Koushi for fame or anything like that, he just wants to be with Koushi because he loves him. With all his dignified stance, Daichi tells Takeda that he’s going to take responsibility if anything goes wrong and that he hopes to be someone Takeda can trust too, knowing that Takeda has been taking care of Koushi for a long time.

Takeda laughs, tells them that he’s going to do his best but Koushi’s vacation would have to be cut short. They have to answer to the company and he’s not leaving Koushi alone in this. Daichi offers to come with, but Takeda said that it’s best that if he and Koushi deal with the company first and Daichi just stay on the downlow for the meantime.

Reluctantly, and because he really doesn’t have much of a choice, Koushi agrees. 

It means that he won’t get to celebrate the holidays like planned, he won’t get to celebrate Daichi’s birthday with him, they won’t get to see the fireworks together for the first time for the new year.

But that’s alright.

It’s going to be okay. It’s really going to be okay.

Talking to Takeda was easy, but talking to Kaori proved to be more of a challenge because Koushi doesn’t want her to worry.  He has already given her so much headache and he feels sorry that his stay with her is going to be cut short.

Telling his mother that he won’t be home for Christmas this year again pains him, and for a second, and only just for a second, Kaori’s expression falters when they tell her together what had happened over the weekend. 

“I hope it goes well, Kou-chan.” She says, patting him on the cheek as he sits with Daichi on the living room couch like scolded elementary school kids, backs straight and fists on their laps. Except Momo has found her rightful spot on Daichi’s lap. “But if it doesn’t, you know that you always have a home to come back to. Let me know if your company gives you a hard time, I’ll show them that they can’t treat Sugawara Kaori’s son like that.”

“‘Kaa-chan,” Koushi laughs weakly, beaming up at his mother as he leans against her touch, “but are you sure you’ll be okay? I feel guilty… I promised that I would be home for—“

“Kou-chan, I told you that I’ll be fine. Right? This is an important time in your life, and I am glad that you are going for what you want so bravely. I couldn’t be prouder of you as my son. Plus, I’ll invite Dai-chan over for the holidays and we’ll video call with you. That sounds good, doesn’t it?”

At his involvement in the intimate conversation between a mother and her child, Daichi jolts, tearing his eyes away from Momo as he has just been staring at her all this time, afraid to overstep his boundary. “Uhm,” Daichi swallows, looking back and forth between Kaori and Koushi who are looking at him expectantly, “uh—yes, of course! That sounds like a good idea, thank you so much for the invitation, Sugawara-san.” 

“Sugawara-san?” Kaori repeats, hand pressed to her heart and Koushi already has his face buried in his hands knowing where this is about to lead. “You came into my son’s life, took care of our little Momo who’s certainly charmed by you, and now you are taking care of my Koushi with all of your heart and you still call me Sugawara-san? I think it’s best that you call me ‘Kaa-chan like how Koushi does. I would very much like that.”

Koushi watches as Daichi blinks slowly at his mother, Momo lets out a loud meow as if an encouragement and they all burst into laughter before Daichi can make his decision.

“Yes, of course, I would love—I would… yes, ‘kaa-chan.” Daichi is red from the tips of his ears down to his neck, and Koushi thinks it’s absolutely cute but he also can’t help but have the need to defend Daichi’s honor. 

He puts his around Daichi, pulls him towards himself and pouts at Kaori. “‘Kaa-chan, don’t bully my boyfriend. And why are you speaking as if you didn’t know he was exactly my type and set me up intentionally, you know this is your fault too!”

Daichi gasps audibly just as Kaori waves her hand away dismissively, acting innocent as if she didn’t play her cards to make sure that Koushi meets Daichi. It still shocks him how Momo has taken part of this scheme, as if she was instructed to do so. Then, Daichi’s question takes Koushi away from his thoughts—brain immediately shutting down when he hears the words from Daichi’s mouth. “I’m your type?” 

It’s Koushi’s turn to flush all over, he’s like a deer caught in headlights at the sudden confession from his own loud mouth. But the mirth in Daichi’s face, his lips tugged up in a smile and his eyes wrinkling with the lines of joy makes his embarrassment worth it. 

“Let’s move on!” Koushi clears his throat, sitting up from the couch. Momo meows angrily at him but he pays her no mind. “Aren’t we supposed to have lunch together? What happened to that, huh?”  

They humor him, with Kaori ruffling his hair and heading off to the kitchen and Daichi grinning at him, pressing a kiss to his cheek and whispering “you’re exactly my type too” just before he follows Kaori to the kitchen to prepare for lunch.

Koushi stands there, in his spot where he can perfectly see his boyfriend standing in the kitchen with his mother as they make lunch together. Momo’s wrapping herself up around Koushi’s ankles, meowing softly. 

Koushi picks up Momo from the floor, smiles at the cat who only blinks slowly at him. As he makes his way to the kitchen to bother Daichi and Kaori, Koushi realizes that in all of his years in this world, he has never felt more complete and happier than he is now. 

(🌠)

Koushi also catches up with Kiyoko right before he leaves for Tokyo.

It’s the day of the high school reunion, the one that he promised Kiyoko that he will think about but due to how his vacation and his life in general went, there hasn’t been a chance for him to thoroughly consider it and now, there really isn’t a chance for him to attend the event. 

Daichi is helping him pack for his trip back to Tokyo, Takeda is coming to pick him up this evening and then he’ll be back to work after lounging around for almost two months. He’s a bit terrified of what’s going to happen, anxious of what the company bosses would have to say to him but it’s okay—he’s going to face all of it with Daichi and of course with Takeda’s endless support too.

He is on a video call with Kiyoko and Ryuunosuke as they prepare Reiko for a sleepover with Kiyoko’s mom for the night. The couple is going around the house packing Reiko’s needs because Kiyoko’s mom is picking her up in an hour so that the couple can have the night for themselves. Kiyoko has her phone with her, bringing Koushi along as she moves and Koushi is lying on his bed while Daichi lines up his bags by the door. 

“I’m really sorry that I won’t be able to come,” Koushi apologizes for the nth time that day, truly feeling sorry that he can’t go with Kiyoko. Truthfully, a part of him considered going with Daichi but of course, that’s the thing of fantasies and of dreams. He can’t come to high school reunions with Daichi on his arm in the near future. He can’t go anywhere with Daichi next to him for a while, that’s for sure. 

Daichi is listening to the conversation, and Koushi lets him. He wants to tell Daichi that if they do stay together for a long time, this is the kind of life that they will have to live, unable to attend social events like normal couples do—unable to tell people from their past and present that they are in a beautiful relationship. It’s a bitter pill that they both would have to swallow.

“It’s fine,” Kiyoko says as she props the phone up somewhere. In the screen, Koushi can see Reiko sitting on Kiyoko’s lap as Ryuunosuke passes by in the background with an iron and their clothes for the reunion. “I told you that you don’t have to come, but I just wanted you to know that they were inviting you. Anyway, this is more important than any reunions, really.” 

Kiyoko is right, and of course she always tells it how it is. She starts to tie Reiko’s hair up in a ponytail, and the kid recognizes Koushi from the screen so she waves at her with a big smile.

“Hi Reiko-chan! Did you miss me?” He asks, distracted now. Reiko babbles incoherently when she hears his voice, waving her hand around excitedly.

Reiko always brings a smile to his face, what a lovely child. He wishes that he could spend more time with her too, be more present as an uncle figure to her as she grows up. It’s just one of the many things that Koushi wants to work on in spite of his career. He hopes that she doesn’t forget about him. 

The space on the bed beside him dips, and he turns his head to meet with Daichi, who lies down next to him—arm outstretched for him to rest his head on. 

So he does, pillows his head over Daichi’s arm and tucks himself next to Daichi. Daichi waves at Kiyoko, who smiles at him warmly. It’s a pity that he hasn’t got to introduce them to each other in real life. 

“Well, you better enjoy that party. Get drunk and have fun!” He says, bringing the topic back to the reunion after Reiko has said her hellos. 

Kiyoko laughs and shakes her head. “I would probably need to stay sober because Ryuu has executively decided that he’s going to party like it’s 2012. But I’ll have fun, you take care too, Koushi. And, you do have to come back—we need to have dinner with Daichi too, all of us.”

Ryuunosuke overhears the conversation, so he pops up behind Kiyoko with a perfectly ironed shirt hanging off his arm. “Hey, I’ve changed—I can’t even drink that much anymore!” He laughs, presses a kiss to Kiyoko’s cheek which Kiyoko chuckles at. “But she’s right, we need to have you and Daichi-san over! It must happen, our home is open for the both of you at anytime.”

“That would be lovely.” Daichi agrees, peeking into the screen with a soft smile. “I would love to have dinner with you guys and meet Reiko-chan too.”

“We look forward to having you both,” Kiyoko says just as the doorbell rings. “Well, seems like my mom’s here. We have to go. Take care, Koushi. Call us whenever! And you too, Daichi. Take care, take care of each other.”

They take a minute to bid their goodbyes, especially since saying goodbye to Reiko is a little difficult as the child insists on giving multiple flying kisses before she allows her mother to drop the call. The call ends eventually, leaving Koushi and Daichi alone just to themselves once again.

When Koushi drops his phone to his side, Daichi rolls over and plants his entire weight over Koushi—clingy.

“Mhm?” Koushi prompts, wrapping his arms and legs around Daichi. The solid weight above him is comforting, it’s rare that Daichi is this clingy—it’s usually him attaching to Daichi like another limb, but considering their situation, considering how they only have a couple of hours left before they have to be separated—Koushi understands why Daichi is being like this. 

Daichi shakes his head, his hair tickling Koushi by the neck. 

“Are you okay, Dai?” He asks, hand soothing Daichi’s back up and down. He tries not to feel bad, to not feel awful but it’s hard knowing what’s about to happen the moment he leaves the door of their house. 

“Of course,” Daichi says, voice muffled, “I just want to make the most of the time that we have together.”

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, so Koushi lets him, idly stroking the hair on the back of Daichi’s head and stroking up and down his back.

They stay like that for a little bit, there’s a conversation shared between loud heartbeats in the silent room—and for Koushi, it’s the most important conversation that he’s had through all this. His heart speaks to Daichi, speaks with Daichi, even without him having to say anything at all. 

He shifts just a little, and he sees his phone light up with a message from Kiyoko—a family photo with Kiyoko and Ryuunosuke dressed up for the reunion while Reiko is ready to stay over at her grandmother’s house. They’re beautiful.

“Daichi,” Koushi calls out to him, and Daichi hums in response.

“You know, this is how life is going to be, right? We won’t be able to attend reunions, and maybe I won’t be able to meet your parents soon, there’s just… so many things that we’ll have to sacrifice—“

“Koushi,” Daichi cuts him off, pulling away and hovering over him.

Koushi blinks up at him, hands fisting the material of Daichi’s shirt. Tenderly, gently, Daichi cups his cheek. “It’s okay. I can deal with not going to reunions, I can handle keeping what we have just to ourselves for now… except, well, you know that I’ve told Yui about us… but that’s all! I already made my promise to you, Koushi and I’m not going to break that. My mind is not going to change, I want to be with you—no matter what it takes, my superstar.”

My superstar. 

Koushi draws him close until he can press their foreheads together, with his eyes closed and heart exploding with the love he has had cultivated for more than two decades, looking for someone to pour it out to—Koushi kisses Daichi. “Thank you, my star. Thank you for everything—for staying even if it gets hard, for not leaving and for trusting me with your heart. I love you. I promise to come visit whenever I have the time.”

Daichi kisses him back, smiling in between the kisses. “And I’ll wait, I’ll wait for you over and over, Koushi. I’ll wait for you until you come home to me.”

They kiss for a while, hands roaming slowly underneath their clothes as they bask in the remaining hours that they have together before life, work and distance take them away from each other. They kiss for what seems like hours, only parting when the bed dips again with the weight of another—but this time, it’s a gray cat who wedges her way in between them.

Lying in his childhood bedroom, with Daichi and Momo, Koushi thinks that no matter what life brings—it’s going to be okay. It’s really all going to be okay.