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jeongguk is satisfied with his life.
he doesn't know who his parents were, or where they are now. he doesn't know where he came from, if he's from a prestigious family. he doesn't know why his parents decided to leave him on the street when he was four years old.
but he lives with two kind men who took him in, gave him a job and a roof over his head and made sure that he never went hungry. namjoon and seokjin own an inn (well, it’s actually namjoon's, passed down from generation to generation, and seokjin is namjoon's lover.) most of the travellers and warriors passing by their city stay there. jeongguk cooks with seokjin and cleans the rooms and helps namjoon with other small tasks in exchange for three meals a day and a room of his own to sleep in. technically, namjoon is his employer, but jeongguk is cared for with him and seokjin.
he has two friends that he grew up with. they played together and pranked the neighbours together and got scolded for it together. they know him even better than he knows himself. jimin and taehyung's love eventually took a different form than their love for jeongguk, but they still spend nearly every day together, looking at the stars from namjoon's courtyard when night falls.
jeongguk doesn't have a family, but he's had a happy childhood, and he's satisfied. he has four wonderful people as constants in his life.
his life doesn't change, and he likes it.
well, his life didn't change, up until the day he made a bet with jimin and taehyung. it’s another one of their stupid shenanigans that seokjin would disapprove of. he'd probably even drag jeongguk into the house by the ear, it’s that bad.
jimin and taehyung are making jeongguk sneak up to the grand prince's castle.
there are rumours around town that the grand prince is a ghost. or a cursed being — something hideous that has to be hidden away from the world — because no one has seen him. ever. jeongguk has heard of people seeing the princess and even the crown prince on occasion, and the king himself steps out of the main palace every year. but no one has yet laid eyes upon the grand prince. some notorious boys have broken into his castle, but they haven't been seen ever again either. people suspect they died upon seeing the grand prince's cursed form, or they were executed for trespassing. it's one of the two.
and now jeongguk is about to do the same thing. he's going to climb the ridiculously high wall surrounding the grand prince's castle and see the grand prince, and escape , so he can prove to jimin and taehyung that the grand prince does actually exist.
now, why would jeongguk do that? it’s because he lost their game of heads or tails. (jeongguk thinks it's unfair, because taehyung and jimin were a team and he was alone.)
"are you really sure we want to send him in there?" jimin asks, wringing his hands together. "jeonggukkie isn't a human sacrifice."
they're standing in front of the high wall of the grand prince's palace, looking both ways for people passing by while taehyung fixes a ladder for jeongguk to climb. no one has come to chop their heads off yet, so jeongguk assumes that the guards here are either really lazy, or that there are no guards. he hopes it’s the latter.
“he’ll be fine,” taehyung says, waving jimin off. “have you seen those muscles of his? they’ll scare off anybody in a ten-mile radius.”
jeongguk blushes and rubs a hand over his bicep, proud of himself for having built up his body with all the manual labour at the inn. he’s in charge of most of the heavy lifting, including drunk patrons who can’t make it to their rooms by themselves.
“well, i can’t argue with that, but —”
“hyung, i’ll be fine.” jeongguk interrupts jimin, grinning. “we’re just having fun.”
jimin presses his lips together, but says nothing else. he's the one who started it, getting too drunk and claiming he was bored, and that he wanted to do something dangerous tonight and — here they are. taehyung steps back, gesturing for jeongguk to climb the ladder that he has placed.
jeongguk takes a breath and starts climbing. it's just a stupid bet, he tells himself. if kim yugyeom can sneak into a nobleman's house nearly every night for seven years without getting caught, surely jeongguk can do it once. it's just a stupid bet anyway.
the bamboo creaks as he goes higher, and with taehyung and jimin cheering in whispers, jeongguk makes it to the top.
the palace looks...normal.
it's huge, with a fancy roof and walls that display beautiful patterns. several smaller buildings are surrounding the large one, as is the case with the main palace, which jeongguk has caught a peek of from the woods. it's beautiful, radiating a graceful, untouchable aura that reminds him of how out of place he is here. jeongguk isn’t sure what exactly he expected — probably a tortured soul tied up in the middle of the courtyard, or something similar — but the grounds are empty stretching on in all directions. he can’t see even a single person, let alone the grand prince.
“jeongguk!” taehyung whispers.
jeongguk looks beneath him, where taehyung is holding the ladder and grinning. he loves this — making trouble, toeing the lines, pulling pranks. this is his fun pastime. and he probably has a lot more to lose than them. he's the nobleman's son who is studying for the civil service examination so that he gets to work for the king — the highest honour in their society. disrespecting the royal family might not be the best thing to do. but well, taehyung is just like that. a little weird, a little childish, but ridiculously intelligent at the same time. and also jeongguk's best friend.
“what?” jeongguk whispers back.
“do you see him?”
jeongguk shakes his head. “no. should i get back down?”
“no!” taehyung whispers. “jump.”
jeongguk raises his eyebrows. that wasn’t part of the deal.
if jeongguk jumps inside, he might never come back out. but , he’s a bit cocky and a bit arrogant and all too competitive, so he's obviously not going to back down from a challenge. now that he’s already up here, he’s not going to back down. that would be unacceptable. so, jeongguk makes an affirmative gesture to jimin and taehyung, and jumps over the wall.
it does not feel as heroic as the stories make it sound. it takes barely a second for him to land. his knees buckle when he reaches the ground and he ends up crouching awkwardly for a few seconds, heart pounding loud in his ears as he scans for big, scary men with weapons. there are, surprisingly, none. jeongguk stands up, brushing his robes.
well, he’s here. and he’s not dead.
jeongguk doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do next.
there’s no way he’s actually breaking into the palace. jeongguk might be competitive, but he’s not keen on dying so young. he still has so many things to do — like, restock the pantry and make the best seaweed soup for namjoon’s birthday and help seokjin in the kitchen tomorrow. so, jeongguk decides that he’s just going to stand here for a while and then go back, so he can tell taehyung and jimin that he met the grand prince. who cares if it’s not the truth? it’s not like they’re going to ever actually see the grand price.
he taps his foot against the ground, counting the seconds in his head. five minutes should be enough.
a minute in, though, he gets bored. his eyes stray to the row of bushes lining the other wall, which have a bunch of flowers blooming on them. they’re beautiful.
jeongguk hasn't ever seen these flowers around the town, so they might be some fancy foreign species that were gifted to the grand prince. and if they're blooming like this even tonight, entrancingly pretty in the moonlight, someone is obviously tending to them. this is proof enough for jimin and taehyung, jeongguk decides.
he looks around the empty palace with its cold walls and closed door, and when he discovers no one around, he carefully tiptoes to the bushes, hushing his footsteps by walking on his tippy toes.
closer now, he can see the flowers clearly. the white petals of the flowers are shimmering, giving off a soft glow in the moonlight. jeongguk thinks about jimin, who loves flowers and butterflies and all the shiny, pretty things in the world. he’ll appreciate these. jeongguk can take just one.
jeongguk reaches out. his finger touches the stem.
and cold metal touches his neck.
"let go."
a brick drops in his gut and jeongguk freezes.
the voice is gravelly, as if the person just woke up, or hasn’t spoken in a long time. the cold metal of what jeongguk assumes is a sword digs into his neck, resting against his fluttering pulse. jeongguk can see its deadly glint out of the corner of his eye, blindingly life-threatening.
his body won’t cooperate. jeongguk remains frozen, his fingers hovering inches from the stem of the beautiful flower. he can hear his roaring heartbeat in his ears.
he's going to die. he was so stupid, so cocky — thinking he could march into the fucking palace and leave unscathed. now, some guard is holding him at swordpoint and jeongguk's bravado vanishes. he's scared . the fear wraps around his lungs around his limbs. he doesn't want to die.
and then the weight of the sword disappears from his neck. the raspy voice speaks again.
“turn around. face me.”
spurred into action by the fear curling into his gut, jeongguk scrambles up. his feet are shaky, knees knocking into each other as he turns and –
jeongguk wasn’t prepared for the sight before him.
the man in front of him is regal . he’s holding the sword high, still pointing it at jeongguk, but jeongguk can barely see it anymore. with long, pale hair that’s half-tied up, dark robes lined with gold, and sharp eyes that bore into jeongguk’s, the man is too captivating. and then jeongguk sees the rest of his face. soft, pink lips, a small nose, sculpted eyebrows, and —
and a scar.
a long scar that stretches from above the man’s left eyebrow to halfway down his cheek. it slices through his eyelid, making his eye look sharper. it screams danger .
jeongguk wants to run away. he wants to run far, far away and never look back.
“your name?” the man rasps, short and sharp.
it takes a second for jeongguk's tongue to unglue.
“jeon j-jeongguk.” he stutters. “i — i’m sorry, i ended up here by accident, i swear, i —”
“you jumped over the wall.” the man says, fixing him with a blank look that's somehow more intimidating than the previous frown over his face, and jeongguk stares.
“i —” jeongguk starts, and then stops.
what can he even say? beg for mercy after he trespassed on royal property? try to bribe this man into silence? jeongguk doubts he can give this man anything worth more than he already owns. the gold of the man’s robes flashes in the moonlight. jeongguk certainly doesn't own anything as expensive as that.
in the end, what comes out is, “please don’t kill me.”
the man’s lips curl into the slightest hint of a smirk. “jeon jeongguk, you said?”
"y-yes. i — i have a," i have a family, he wants to say, but he hesitates. "i have people waiting for me back home. i sincerely apologise for causing trouble. please let me go home. and —" it might be an ostentatious request, but he’s desperate, so he can try. "and i would really, truly appreciate it if you didn't let the grand prince know about me."
the man smirks, and he looks dangerous. "i think it might be a little too late for that, jeon jeongguk."
jeongguk blinks, confused. "w-why?"
"because you're standing in front of the grand prince."
it takes a second to sink in, but when jeongguk realises what the man — the grand prince — means, his heart drops down to the ground. he follows a second layer, sinking into a full bow. he feels his wobbling hope of getting out of here fade away in an instant.
"i — your highness, i — i apologise for my disrespect." he mumbles, a bit desperately. "i didn't realise i was in — in your presence."
"stop with that bullshit." the grand prince cuts him off.
the sword touches his chin, pressing under it, leaving jeongguk with no choice but to tip his head up and meet the grand prince's glinting eyes. his breath escapes him, heart lurching as the grand prince crouches down, movements calm and smooth, sword still held under jeongguk’s chin, pressing incessantly.
“i should kill you, but —” the grand prince murmurs. he tilts his head, as if jeongguk is a particularly interesting animal that he’s examining. “hmm. i don’t want to.”
it’s getting harder to breathe from the fear clouding his mind. he blinks up at the grand prince, tears blurring his vision. the sword presses harder, and he tilts his head up farther. the grand prince’s eyes bore into his. a knot of emotion is lodged in his throat, holding his chest in a vice grip. he can’t form a single coherent thought. he wants to cry.
“listen, jeon jeongguk,” the grand prince says, voice low and cold. “i’ll let you go.”
jeongguk’s eyes widen, lips starting to curve into a grateful smile when he’s interrupted by the grand prince.
“— only if you promise to come back.”
“come back?” jeongguk echoes. “why?”
the grand prince blinks lazily for a few seconds. out of the corner of his eyes, jeongguk sees taehyung on top of the ladder he climbed a few minutes ago, and his gut twists itself up at the thought of him being caught too. he glues his eyes to grand prince’s. he doesn't want him to find taehyung too. he doesn't want to drag taehyung into this mess with him.
the grand prince smirks again. “just consider it as something you owe me for letting you go tonight. you don’t want to be killed, do you?”
jeongguk shakes his head frantically.
“good. then you’ll be back when the moon is the exact same size as today.” the grand prince drawls. “which is a month from now.”
jeongguk nods, barely coherent enough to understand what he’s agreeing to. the fear and the hope of escape have consumed his mind. all he can think of going back home and collapsing in his bed.
“you’ll come, won’t you, jeongguk?” the grand prince asks in a low drawl, like he's taunting jeongguk. "promise me."
jeongguk stares into the cold eyes lined by the deadly-looking scar, and nods. he doesn't really have a choice anyway. it's either agree to whatever the grand prince says, or be killed. and jeongguk will choose the former in a heartbeat.
“i — i will, your highness. i promise.”
“you better keep that promise, jeon jeongguk.”
the sword disappears from under his chin, and he runs.
when jeongguk wakes the next morning, he washes away the single drop of dried blood on the side of his neck and dismisses the night as a fever dream. seokjin is already in the kitchen when jeongguk enters, moving around swiftly, doing multiple things at once. he fixes jeongguk with a disappointed look.
“where were you last night?” seokjin asks, his hands moving swiftly to slice vegetables.
jeongguk wrings his hands. “i was — out. with taehyung and jimin.”
“and what did you do?” seokjin asks, and then seems to think better of it. “actually, just tell me if someone’s going to come to make you pay for breaking their priceless vases. if not, i don’t want to know what you did.”
“no one’s going to come to make me pay for anything , hyung.” jeongguk says. “we were just playing stupid games.”
stupid games that involved going over the wall of the grand prince’s castle and almost getting killed. jeongguk wonders, once again, what today would have been like if the grand prince had decided to slice his head off. would seokjin cry? would namjoon?
“alright, then. come and help me.” seokjin says, gesturing to the counter. “we have five guests to feed today. i think that’s the highest number we’ve had in a while.”
jeongguk dips his head in agreement and goes to help seokjin.
the rest of the month goes by in a flash.
there isn’t much of a change in jeongguk’s life, except for the first night, when jimin and taehyung apologise endlessly for almost getting him killed, and he waves them off.
jeongguk manages to get his mind off the grand prince’s strange request in the day, when he has a long list of tasks to finish and people to talk to. but, at night, when he’s lying on his mattress and staring at the constantly-changing moon from his window, he can’t quite manage it. his mind drifts to the grand prince — his cold, dangerous eyes, his menacing scar, his gold-lined robes, and his words.
you’ll be back when the moon is the exact same size as today.
jeongguk refuses to think of the reason why the grand prince made such a request, but he finds himself asking himself the same question every night. is he walking towards his death by going back to the grand prince? does he have to go? yes, he does. he doesn’t doubt that the grand prince has ways of getting jeongguk into that palace if he really wants to. avoiding his promise will only cause more problems.
but he doesn't want to. he likes his life, and he likes being alive. he likes being surrounded by people, even though he feels lonely with them, like there’s an invisible barrier he knows he can’t cross. but, he doesn’t feel lonely enough to walk away from the life he’s lucked into. and this promise to the grand prince feels a lot like agreeing to his own death.
(is it even a promise if jeongguk had no choice but to agree? isn’t that more of an order?)
the day before the full moon, jeongguk wakes up in cold sweat and decides that he needs expert advice on his troubles. so, he goes to the person who always has the answers to his every question — namjoon.
namjoon is bent over their garden, tending to his flowers and trees, talking to them in a soft voice like they can actually hear him. jeongguk thinks of the flowers in the grand prince’s castle. who tends after those plants? the grand prince? jeongguk can’t imagine him watering his plants and talking to them.
“jeongguk?” namjoon asks, pulling jeongguk out of his thoughts. he tries to smile. he has no idea what to say to namjoon. how do you say 'a member of the royal family is out to get me because i trespassed on his land. he told me to come to him, probably so he can kill me, but i don't want to go. what do i do?'
“namjoon-hyung, how — how are you?” he asks instead.
namjoon chuckles, turning back to his plants. “i’m alright. what about you?”
“i have a question.” jeongguk blurts.
“hm,” namjoon says. “alright. what is it?”
jeongguk wonders how he should phrase it so he doesn’t give anything away. namjoon keeps watering his plants, pulling out dried leaves and cooing to the flowers, telling them to grow well.
“um, well, if —” jeongguk pauses, takes a deep breath. “okay, so if someone asked you to promise them something, and you had absolutely no choice but to agree, so you promised it to them, but you didn’t really want to agree. would you still fulfil that promise, then?”
namjoon is quiet for so long that jeongguk begins to think he’s not going to answer, but then he turns and looks at jeongguk.
“i would,” he says simply. “no matter what the circumstances, if you promise something, you should fulfil it.”
jeongguk chews on his lower lip. he knows he should fulfil his promise, but he doesn’t want to. not when he knows what lies at the end of it all.
“this is just something among you, jimin and taehyung, right, jeongguk-ah?” namjoon asks, eyes serious but inviting. he looks worried. “you’re not in any trouble?”
“no, no trouble at all! you know me, namjoon-hyung, i’m an honest citizen of this land.” jeongguk says, voice shrill and high. he clears his throat. “there’s no trouble at all.”
namjoon narrows his eyes but doesn’t say anything else. jeongguk is thankful that he doesn’t pry. it’s one of his favourite things about namjoon. he’s always giving advice, always staying by jeongguk’s side, always taking care of jeongguk, without asking for anything back.
“uh, do you...need help with anything?” jeongguk asks quickly.
“not really, but you can help, if you want to.”
jeongguk hurries to namjoon’s side, listening intently as he tells him what to do. he might have just today with him. tonight, jeongguk is going to walk to his death.
when the moon rises, full and bright, jeongguk throws his blankets away and slinks out of the inn, taking the twisting route to the grand prince’s palace. as he walks, he prepares himself to accept death. he’s had a nice life. short, but nice. twenty-two years is a long time to be alive. he’s made nice friends, he’s helped a few people. he likes to think he’s a good person. that’s enough. he can die peacefully. that doesn’t stop his knees from wobbling and his hands from shaking.
jeongguk doesn’t have a ladder with him today, and the one he used to climb over the wall the other day has disappeared. before he can use that as an excuse and run away, though, the man leaning against the wall speaks.
“jeon jeongguk?”
jeongguk gulps.
the man straightens up and glares at him. jeongguk hadn’t even seen him lingering in the shadows, but now he stands tall and threatening. he’s — sharp. his jawline is sharp, his long nose is sharp, even his shoulders are sharp. his long fingers are holding a set of keys.
the man saunters over to him, looking mildly annoyed. he stands right in front of jeongguk, and then — breaks into a smile. it changes his aura entirely, making him look like a bright shining sun in the middle of the dark street. jeongguk takes a step back, confused.
“y-yes?” he squeaks.
“come with me,” the man says, and then turns on his heel, walking away gracefully.
jeongguk stumbles after him, wringing his hands and stealing glances at the man. he doesn’t look like a nobleman. he looks — like jeongguk. like a commoner who has no business being here. he’s wearing beige coloured robes and cheap sandals, but he throws open the small door beside the main entrance and strolls into the palace as if he owns it. jeongguk follows, apprehensive.
“are — are you the person who kills people?” jeongguk asks, just in case. no has come to capture him, or handcuff him, or execute him yet. it’s confusing.
“no, that’s the executioner.” the man replies. “i’m just the cook.”
“the...cook?” he repeats incredulously.
“you know, a cook . the person who makes food and stuff. vegetable choppy-choppy, soup stirry-stirry, food makey-makey.” the man mimes the actions as he talks, like he’s speaking to a two-year-old.
maybe it’s the intense fear that’s taken over him, or the absurd situation, but the cook’s words have jeongguk laughing loudly. the man looks on with a strange fondness in his eyes, a soft smile taking over his features.
“i know what a cook is!” jeongguk says through his chuckles. “i meant, why would the grand prince send a cook to…”
“escort you?” the man finishes.
jeongguk shrugs.
the cook shugs as well. “well, let’s say i’m one of his most trusted men.”
jeongguk nods. “well, mr. cook —”
“hoseok. that’s my name.” the man interrupts.
“well, hoseok-ssi,” jeongguk begins again. “is the grand prince going to, you know, have me executed?”
before the fear can return and take up any space in jeongguk’s chest, hoseok laughs, throwing his head back. “not really. if he wanted to kill you, he'd have done it the first time.”
“then, why did he…?”
“you’ll come to know.” hoseok says, and then stops abruptly, turning to face jeongguk. they’re standing in front of the large entrance that leads to the courtyard of the palace, two staircases on either side of them.
hoseok pats jeongguk’s head. “he was right, though. you are worth it.”
“worth what?”
“nothing.” hoseok says, and pats jeongguk’s head again. “wait here.”
and then he leaves. just like that.
jeongguk is left alone facing the courtyard where he almost lost his life, but escaped by some miracle. the flowers are still blooming along the wall, bright and beautiful, but jeongguk doesn't spare them a second glance.
he said his sorrys and goodbyes to namjoon and seokjin and taehyung and jimin privately, promising that he’d try to be a better person in his next life, but now he's not sure if he's here to die. right as that thought hits him, a sword lands at his neck.
jeongguk freezes.
he should never ever think happy thoughts. they always backfire on him.
"well, this is a surprise. i didn't think you'd come back." jeongguk immediately identifies the voice as the grand prince's raspy drawl, and gulps. "i was preparing to send a couple of guards to arrest you tomorrow."
"i — i didn't do — didn't intend to do anything wrong that night, your highness." jeongguk stutters. "i was — it was a stupid game. i realize that i committed a grave crime —"
"turn around. face me." the grand prince interrupts, an echo of what he had said to jeongguk the last time. a second later, the sword disappears from his neck. jeongguk takes it as his permission to turn, and whirls on his heel, feeling all too small and big for his body at the same time. he keeps his hands at his side even though he wants to do something with them — fiddle with his robes or bite his nails or wring his hands to ease the nervousness in the pit of his stomach.
the grand prince looks no different from the past time — gold-lined robes and hair held up with a sangtuwan , dark and cold that bore into jeongguk's, and the scar stretching proud over his face. jeongguk discovers, with a hint of amusement, that the grand prince is shorter than him.
"jeon jeongguk." the grand prince says. "it's a pleasure to meet you again."
jeongguk ducks his head, but he's not sure if he's supposed to say ' nice to meet you too '. it doesn't seem like something a person would say to a member of the royal family. but jeongguk says it anyway, and his nervous squeak sends the grand prince into a fit of laughter.
it a whispery laugh — jeongguk doesn't even realise the grand prince is laughing until he sneaks a glance and sees the grin over his face, showing his gums and lightning up his face. his shoulders shake with his silent laugh, and jeongguk finds himself staring at the new version of the grand prince he seems to have come across. this can't be the same man that threatened him at swordpoint and made him fear for his life. whoever said that the grand prince was a hideous, cursed person who hid from the world might just be wrong. the man in front of him doesn’t seem ugly at all. actually, he looks good. he's is kind of small, and has a laugh that takes over his entire body and lights up his face and makes him look almost...endearing.
when the grand prince's laughter fades off, his eyes don't seem as cold anymore. he sheaths his sword and turns his eyes to jeongguk.
"jeon jeongguk." the grand prince says again — and then falters, almost as if he's fumbling for words.
"you — you seemed to like the flowers, the last time.” he finally chokes out. “come, i'll show them to you."
jeongguk has no choice but to follow as the grand prince walks over to the flowers and begins telling him about them. as jeongguk suspected, they're not from around the town, but a rare species gifted to the grand prince by an official from china. the grand prince doesn't look terribly interested while talking about the flowers, not like namjoon does — namjoon's eyes twinkle and his words are endless. he looks like he’d rather do anything else than be here, but he keeps telling jeongguk about the flower’s specialities like he’s reciting them from a book.
in the end, he reaches over and plucks one off the bush, handing it to a frozen jeongguk.
"for you," he mumbles.
jeongguk keeps staring with wide eyes, but he takes the flower and clutches it to his chest.
the grand prince keeps looking between him and the flower, his eyebrows furrowed a little as if he's thinking hard about something. and then he coughs loudly before turning around and striding away, leaving jeongguk to jog awkwardly to catch up.
the grand prince stops at the gate where the cook dropped jeongguk off, and jeongguk catches up to him a few seconds later, still holding the flower gingerly, afraid that if he damages it, the grand prince might get angry at him.
“your highness,” jeongguk says hesitantly. “i’m sorry, i’m a bit confused.”
“confused.” the grand prince repeats.
“i don’t —” jeongguk pauses and steels himself. “why did you call me back?” he says it in the most formal way he can muster, but the grand prince’s eyes still narrow dangerously.
“i wanted to see you again, jeongguk.” he says. “that’s why i called you back. i hope that answers your question. now, follow me”
no, it does not answer jeongguk's question. instead, it just serves to confuse him more. but, the grand prince is walking away already, so jeongguk shuts up and follows him.
they walk around the palace, the grand prince telling jeongguk stories about the trinkets and paintings they pass. he seems to be engrossed in his own words, gesturing with his hands as he tells jeongguk about how the painting in front of them was done with a special stroke technique. he turns and glances at jeongguk — who is looking at the painting with awe and wishing he had the skills to create something like this — and then moves on to the next painting.
by the time they’ve walked around the lowest floor, jeongguk is exhausted. maybe it’s from learning all these new things and seeing all those masterpieces, but he feels like he's filled to the brim with knowledge and awe, and emotions that swirl inside him and threaten to bubble out.
the grand prince leads them to the steps in front of the gate and sits down, patting the space next to him as if inviting jeongguk to sit. jeongguk doesn’t move, because the thought of sitting beside the grand prince feels absurd to him, despite having spent hours walking by his side.
“what?” the grand prince asks, when he sees that jeongguk hasn’t moved. “what are you waiting for?”
“i shouldn’t.” jeongguk protests meekly. “it’s not proper.”
“fuck being proper.” the grand prince spits, and jeongguk’s head whips up. “sit down.”
so, he does.
it still feels weird. he doesn’t know what to do with his hands, unlike the grand prince, who leans back on his elbows and tilts his head up to face the sky. jeongguk settles for folding his hands in his lap and staring at the grand prince.
he thinks of the grand prince's answer to his question. he said he called jeongguk back because he wanted to see him again. but why would the grand prince want to see a nobody like jeongguk when he has all this wealth and art and this whole huge castle with a pretty garden to look at? jeongguk would be content to just roam the halls of this palace every waking moment. he'd never get bored if he could surround himself with art and learn as many things as he wanted to.
the grand prince glances over at jeongguk once in a while, and gestures for him to watch the sky. jeongguk tries — he counts the stars and tries to find shapes in the few grey clouds passing over the sky — but a question nags at his mind.
will i be going home tonight?
he resists asking the question for about an hour, but he starts to get nervous after a while of just sitting around and doing nothing. the grand prince seems to be at ease, his eyes closed and face peaceful, and jeongguk doesn't want to disturb him.
jeongguk can't take it anymore. he sits up.
"your highness —"
"yoongi." the grand prince interrupts, blearily opening his eyes.
jeongguk blinks. "huh?"
"that's my name. yoongi." the grand prince says, finally looking jeongguk's way.
jeongguk doesn't know what he's supposed to do with that information. surely the grand prince doesn't expect jeongguk to call him by his name . that would be absurd.
"well?" the grand prince prods, sitting up and raising an eyebrow. his scar stretches with it, and jeongguk stares.
"i, uh —" he pauses. "yoongi...-nim?"
the name feels heavy on his tongue. jeongguk wonders for a moment if the cook — hoseok — knows the grand prince's name. he wonders why the grand prince wants him to address him without his title. everything about this man is confusing.
the grand prince leans back on his elbows again. "that's better. go on."
"uh, when can i…leave?" jeongguk asks, voice fading into a whisper as the grand prince's eyes snap open.
yoongi-nim narrows his eyes at jeongguk, looking over at him inquisitively. he seems to be searching for something, staring at jeongguk's face as if expecting to find the answer there if he stares for long enough. jeongguk hunches over himself in fear, averting his eyes to the flower in his hand. if he's angered the grand prince...
finally, yoongi-nim huffs and looks away. "you can leave whenever you want to, jeongguk."
jeongguk's eyes go wide. "really?"
yoongi-nim hums grudgingly, eyes turned away from jeongguk as if he's trying to express his annoyance without making it obvious (but making it very obvious at the same time.)
but when jeongguk moves to stand up, yoongi-nim's sword — which was resting against the steps up until now — lands at his neck.
he freezes.
"you'll come back, won't you, jeon jeongguk?"
"y-yes, your highness." he stutters, itching to get away from the cold touch of the sword. this time, though, jeongguk doesn't think the grand prince is threatening him. it sounds like a request. a harshly spoken request with a weapon pointed at him — but still, it's not an order.
"yoongi." the grand prince corrects.
"yes, yoongi-nim." jeongguk amends.
the grand prince hums, seemingly satisfied with jeongguk's response. the sword disappears from jeongguk's neck, and he's free to go.
as the grand prince asked him to, jeongguk goes back to him again. and then again. and again.
it becomes routine. he finishes his chores, waits for namjoon and seokjin to fall asleep, takes the lazy walk from the inn to the palace and steps into the courtyard, where the grand prince is usually waiting for him, his sword pointed at jeongguk (it stopped being threatening a long while ago). they walk around the palace and its premises, usually ending up sitting at the front steps, the grand prince staring at the stars and jeongguk at him. sometimes, jeongguk falls asleep leaning against one of the pillars that frame either side of the stairs. once, he feels yoongi running his hands through his hair when he thinks jeongguk is asleep. it — does things to him. jeongguk goes from wanting to leave as quickly as he can to wanting to stay for as long as he can, and he can’t understand that change in his heart.
as the days pass, yoongi gets more talkative — telling jeongguk about a book he read or a dish he tasted recently, all in great detail. jeongguk notes, almost fondly, that yoongi gets this small smile on his face when he talks about things he’s passionate about. his lips curve up just a little, and he waves his hands a lot, his words fast as if he can’t wait to tell jeongguk everything.
jeongguk rarely has things to say in return. he lives a fairly monotonous life, and he can’t read exquisite books or go on grand adventures. sometimes, he talks about something namjoon taught him, or he talks about the time seokjin caught him climbing in through his window once and jeongguk almost thought he’d find everything out — the precious moments with the grand prince that jeongguk keeps close to his heart — and how he had panicked.
“you live with them? namjoon-ssi and seokjin-ssi?” yoongi asks. jeongguk nods. “why?”
“i don’t have anywhere else to live.” jeongguk says simply, shrugging.
“your family?”
“the last time i saw them, i was four.” jeongguk says. “my father said he couldn’t take care of me for a while. left me with the neighbours one night, and the next morning, our house was empty. i don’t know what happened, exactly. people said my father did something terrible, and he had to run away from it.”
he shifts, uncomfortable under yoongi’s gaze.
“my neighbour kicked me out eventually. i lived on the streets for a while. seokjin and namjoon found me when i was twelve, and i’ve lived with them ever since.”
he isn’t bitter about it anymore. he used to be — as a child, when he literally slept in an alley, beside another young kid who offered to share his ragged blanket with jeongguk — but he’s not anymore. maybe his father did do something terrible and wanted to protect jeongguk from its aftermath, or maybe he just didn’t want jeongguk. he doesn’t mind it anymore. he’s got people who want him now. namjoon, and seokjin, and jimin and taehyung, and maybe — maybe even yoongi.
yoongi doesn’t say anything. eventually, his hand comes to rest on jeongguk’s head, almost hesitantly. he pats his head once and withdraws. a ghost of a touch. it has jeongguk reeling, his heart jolting from its place. his stomach twists into knots. this is uncharted territory. he doesn't know what he's supposed to do now.
luckily, yoongi saves him from having to know by tilting his head up to the sky.
"it's almost dawn," he says, sounding wistful. is it because yoongi knows jeongguk will leave at dawn and wants to delay it?
"i should…go." jeongguk says. it sounds sad to his own ears.
he stands up and turns to yoongi, expecting him to lay his sword on jeongguk's neck as he always does. he doesn’t know if it’s because yoongi thinks jeongguk won’t come back unless threatened. jeongguk wants to tell him that he will. he likes yoongi’s company, likes listening to him talk, like watching the small smile spread over his lips as he gets excited. he doesn’t think anyone else gets to see this soft, endearing side of the grand prince. yoongi stands up and gives jeongguk a lazy smile.
"i'll be expecting you," he says.
"what? no sword tonight, yoongi-nim?" jeongguk asks, letting a teasing lilt slip into his words.
"i don't need to threaten you. i know you'll come anyway," yoongi says, voice low and quiet, but it's not his usual drawl. it's just quiet, hesitant, especially when he adds — "won't you, jeongguk-ah?"
something flips in jeongguk’s heart. his breath stutters at it — the close proximity, the look in yoongi's eyes, the little nickname. a rush of feeling overtakes him and it's too quick, like a dam breaking and letting all the water gush out. he can't tell what he's feeling, just that it's there and it's a lot. a lot. yoongi keeps looking at him, his eyes expectant and warm, and the storm inside jeongguk's heart starts churning harder.
i'll do anything you want , he wants to say. it scares him, that all these feelings have descended upon him so suddenly. he doesn't know what to do with them.
"y-yeah." he gets out. "i'll see you later."
yoongi smiles. "later, then."
jeongguk is convinced that seokjin is magical.
he has somehow sensed jeongguk climbing in through his window and is now whacking his ankle with their broomstick.
“wait, i’m coming down!” jeongguk cries out. “wait! hyung! stop hitting me!”
seokjin does not relent until jeongguk lands in their backyard with a dull thump , and even then, he leans his arm over the broomstick and glares at jeongguk.
“what. did. you. do?” he hisses, his eyes narrow and his mouth pulled back in a comical snarl. he looks like a cat.
“i didn’t do anything.” jeongguk protests.
“ lies ! i know you’ve been sneaking in through your window for a month!” seokjin screeches. jeongguk might have laughed at him if he didn’t fear getting whacked with the broom again.
he could tell seokjin about the grand prince, because jeongguk is terrible at keeping secrets. he talks about everything with his friends, with namjoon and seokjin. he's done that ever since he was a twelve-year-old with scraped knees and a stinging cheek from a lady when he asked for food — because they're the only ones who have listened.
and he really wants to tell someone about the strange night he's had. maybe namjoon would have answers to all the questions the grand prince has left jeongguk with. maybe he'll know why yoongi makes his heart flutter and his stomach churn, and why jeongguk feels like he’s being turned over and over like the water-wheel.
he stands up, brushing the blades of grass off his clothes. “i, um — you have to promise to believe me first.”
seokjin rolls his eyes. “alright, i promise. why? is it something unbelievable? did you meet a fairy?”
" hyung! " jeongguk whines. "it wasn't a fairy. it was the grand prince."
nothing really happens for a good two minutes. seokjin keeps blinking at jeongguk, eyebrows raised expectantly like he’s waiting for the punch line of a joke, and jeongguk blinks back.
“...so.” seokjin says finally. “the grand prince. is that something a gambler called himself?”
“i haven’t been gambling!” jeongguk huffs. “i really did meet the grand prince. i snuck into his castle. remember that night when you asked where i went with jimin and taehyung?”
he proceeds to narrate the whole story in extremely vivid detail, telling seokjin about the first time he met the grand prince, and then how he went back to his castle and how they walked around and had a long conversation, and then had more long conversations. he talks so much the seokjin abandons the broom and plops down on the grass, pulling jeongguk down with him as well. by the end of jeongguk’s story, the sun is already up in the sky and seokjin looks like he just discovered that man can make fire.
"so, let me just confirm this," seokjin says in a daze, holding up a hand. "you...snuck into a royal palace and tried to steal something and the grand prince tried to kill you but didn't. and then you went back like a fucking idiot and the prince still didn't kill you. and now you're in love with him?"
"wait, i never said that last part!" jeongguk protests in a yell.
"you said you like his eyes and his smile and you want to listen to him talk for hours."
jeongguk coughs. "it's not like that."
seokjin shakes his head. "alright, kid. whatever you say."
and then he gets up and walks away, leaving jeongguk still confused, but now he's terrified as well.
and now you're in love with him?
is he? is that the whirlwind of emotions that feels like a looming thunderstorm? it's true that he likes yoongi's eyes and his smile and he wants to listen to him talk for hours, but is that love? if it is, jeongguk is in trouble. yoongi isn't namjoon — a commoner who runs a small in with no prying eyes — he's the grand prince. he's a member of the royal family. no matter how scary, how cold, how uninterested he seems, there must be some nobleman's daughter, some princess out there who wants the position of the grand prince's wife. yoongi will fulfil his duties soon and marry someone. jeongguk will never fit in that equation.
and now you're in love with him?
the longer he thinks about it, the more it starts to sound like an accusation.
“here,” yoongi says, nudging jeongguk. he’s holding a calligraphy brush in his hand as he finishes up writing a character for jeongguk to practice.
“what does this mean?” jeongguk asks, peering at the character.
yoongi scratches his nose with his pinky finger, staring intently at the paper. “it means love .”
“oh.”
there’s that word. the word that jeongguk doesn’t want to think about. it makes the mess of emotions in his chest feel all too real and he doesn’t know how to deal with that.
he’s not — he’s not unfamiliar with the idea of men being in love with each other. he’s not unfamiliar with the notion of love, either. but, to put two and two together would make him have to do something about it, and he really doesn’t want to do that.
so, instead, he spends his nights wandering with yoongi, talking to yoongi, eating with yoongi and hoseok. keeps shoving away all the feelings that poke and prod at his heart, demanding attention that jeongguk is unwilling to give.
the lines blur as days pass. yoongi is as gentle, as hesitant as ever — barely ever touching jeongguk. but he lets him wander further, opening different doors for him every day and letting jeongguk see more of his life — his study with the big books, his closet, where jeongguk gets to put on a gold-lined hanbok and gets told that he looks pretty. yoongi’s bed-chamber, where a bed covered with the finest silks lies against a wall, with large windows on both sides of it that look over the city. jeongguk points out namjoon’s inn, and jimin’s house, and taehyung’s house, and the street that jeongguk used to live on as a child. eventually, they stop sitting on the stairs at all and instead migrate to yoongi’s bed-chamber when they get tired of walking.
one night, jeongguk confesses to yoongi that he can’t read. he’s had neither the time nor a reason to learn. he’s not really meant to take the civil servant’s examination, and he doesn’t know why else he would bother to learn to read. this seems to offend yoongi, who makes it his personal mission to teach jeongguk to read and write. jeongguk’s nights are then spent practising strokes and then moving on to simple characters that yoongi teaches him. he’d be lying if he said it doesn’t send a thrill down his spine every time he sees something he can read — mostly just simple numbers at this point.
the feeling in jeongguk’s chest continues to bloom, his heart growing fonder the deeper he falls into yoongi’s warm brown eyes and his tiny, hesitant smiles. he thinks of how he used to find yoongi confusing because he looked dangerous and powerful and like someone who could hurt him with no second thought, but didn’t ever act like it. and now jeongguk wonders how his brain ever made that connection between yoongi and dangerous . of course, he wasn’t wrong. yoongi is dangerous. yoongi kills people — jeongguk has seen blood in the courtyard, has seen blood on yoongi’s robes on occasion. but, when yoongi is with him, he’s just soft. he’s kind of small, and kind of endearing and he makes jeongguk smile. he likes to think that yoongi drops his exterior around him — the carefully crafted persona of the cold, mad prince that he has adopted — and lets jeongguk see the real him underneath it all, and isn’t that beautiful?
jeongguk wants to tell yoongi this, that he thinks he’s beautiful, inside and out. that he thinks that yoongi has the prettiest smiles, and the prettiest eyes, and the prettiest words. he wants to say so much that it gets tangled up in his throat and the words run too fast for him to catch them and say them out loud. there’s so much that he feels that he isn’t sure what he should say first, how much he should say in one go. it’s all confusing and overwhelming and whenever all those emotions take over him, jeongguk just drops his head on yoongi’s shoulder and breathes. maybe if he does that enough times, yoongi will be able to hear his thoughts that are too fast for him to comprehend, and he’ll understand. he’ll know everything jeongguk wants to tell him.
he doesn’t, though. and it frustrates jeongguk to no end.
yoongi, who has been quiet this whole time while jeongguk stares at the paper and gets lost in his thoughts, now speaks up.
“is it too complicated?” yoongi asks, and for a second, jeongguk thinks he’s read his mind and is asking about his feelings.
“what is?”
“the character.” yoongi says. “it has a lot of strokes, and we haven’t worked our way up to writing it yet, so it might be a little complicated.”
“no, i — i’ll try my best.” jeongguk says, and he doesn’t know if he’s talking about writing the character, or loving yoongi.
with a smile, yoongi hands him the brush and scoots back so jeongguk can take his place in front of the paper.
willing his fingers not to tremble, jeongguk copies the strokes that yoongi made on the paper. the character takes shape, albeit a bit shaky and uneven because of jeongguk’s inexperience.
jeongguk’s love takes shape with it.
jeongguk is in the palace today, and yet, there’s no sign of yoongi. he passes by several servants instead, who bow to him as they would to a person of authority, and it scares him. waiting on the front steps has him restless and pacing after the first few minutes, and chewing on his nails and lips after nearly an hour has passed.
where is yoongi?
usually, he’s waiting at the door to the palace, looking regal as he watches jeongguk enter through the small side door that is left open for him, and then his face breaks out into a smile that shows off his gums before he invites jeongguk in and they take the staircase up to his quarters. jeongguk has never taken the liberty to invite himself in, and he’s not about to start now. but it worries him. has yoongi finally realised that jeongguk’s place is far below him and that he doesn’t need to spare him so much of his time? jeongguk gulps down the rush of panic he feels at that thought.
but then, like a ray of sunshine, hoseok steps out of the palace.
he seems surprised to see jeongguk, even if it’s only for a second before he hastily rearranges his features into the bright smile he usually wears and rushes down the few steps to get to jeongguk’s side.
hoseok’s hands find the nape of his neck, and he starts massaging there as if he’s barely giving it a thought. “why are you here tonight?”
“to meet yoongi-nim.” jeongguk says, closing his eyes at the wonderful feeling of hoseok’s fingers working away the tension in his muscles.
“oh? he didn’t tell you?” hoseok asks, stopping the blissful motions of jeongguk’s neck. “he went to the main palace tonight.”
“why?”
“the crown prince is about to be coronated. they’re talking about it.” hoseok tells him. “and that means yoongi is required to be there during those talks. it’s cruel, honestly, after everything.”
“everything?” jeongguk repeats, feeling out of his depth. every time he thinks he knows yoongi, there’s still more that he finds out.
now, hoseok bites his lip, looking down at his feet. “i don’t know if….”
fear grips his heart. “what? did something happen?”
“well, something did happen,” hoseok says, and at jeongguk’s panicked face, rushes to add, “not now. it happened a long time ago. let’s sit in the kitchen, shall we? i’ll tell you more.” hoseok asks, inclining his head toward the direction of the kitchen.
jeongguk nods, feeling a little panicked, and follows hoseok to the kitchen. it’s a room lit up with numerous lamps, but still dark at the edges. the counters are arranged in the shape of the character dāo, with several things covering them from the meal that the staff must have cooked. he is served a big bowl of rice and several side dishes and large pieces of meat. it’s probably a meal meant for yoongi, jeongguk assumes, as he and hoseok dig in.
“so, about yoongi-nim,” jeongguk prompts after his first bite. he doesn’t particularly care about the food right now.
“it’s just — yoongi-hyung is the grand prince now because he’s not going to be crowned, right?” hoseok says. “but, when he was a kid, he was the only heir to the throne. which meant that he would be the future king. however, he wasn’t….what they expected the prince to be. yoongi-hyung is eccentric by nature, and he was interested in everything except what he was supposed to be interested in. little yoongi was a menace. he was very picky with food and people, and he used to run away from his lessons. that’s how we met, actually. he ran away from his writing lesson and came to the kitchen, where my mother worked, and we’ve been friends ever since.”
“the royal family had no choice but to tolerate yoongi's antics, though, so yoongi enjoyed a lot of freedom when we were kids. but, when yoongi-hyung was seven, his younger brother was born, and someone from the family, um, tried to have him assassinated.” hoseok pokes his chopsticks into his food, frowning. “yoongi-hyung escaped from the assassin with — i don't even know, sheer will i guess — but he got that scar on his eye that night. it was just one more reason not to crown him as the king anymore. and just like that, no one really paid any attention to him anymore, and he was moved into this castle when he was thirteen.”
“and you moved with him.”
“of course. yoongi-hyung is my closest friend. i wasn’t just going to let him be lonely. and well, it’s my duty to serve the royal family, after all.” hoseok says, shrugging. he shovels some rice into his mouth.
“and now yoongi-hyung’s brother is being crowned king?” jeongguk asks. “why? is his highness unwell?”
hoseok blinks. “no. he’s just stepping down, although i have no idea why. it must be palace politics of some kind. but, yoongi has to be careful now. he’s nothing but a threat in their eyes, and i won’t be surprised if someone tries to harm him in some way.”
“oh.” jeongguk says, and stares at hoseok as he eats the food in front of him.
jeongguk doesn’t return to the palace for a few days. instead, he spends his time hanging out with jimin and taehyung.
it almost feels like he’s meeting them after years. he finds that nothing much has happened in his absence, but also a lot has. taehyung’s family is adamant about his marriage to eunseo, some other nobleman’s daughter. jeongguk doesn’t know which nobleman it is. he just knows that it upsets both jimin and taehyung, so they don’t talk about it. instead, taehyung buries himself in his studies for the state civil servant examination, and jeongguk occasionally manages to drag jimin out of his house to skip rocks at the river and talk.
eventually, he tells them about yoongi — everything that happened since that night when he first met him.
their reactions are the same, but completely different:
taehyung slams his book shut and crawls in jeongguk’s direction, his eyes wide and yet shining with pride, like jeongguk is his child who just did something so valiant that it's unbelievable.
“jeongguk-ah,” he says, cupping jeongguk’s face with his hands a little too hard, so that his mouth puckers up a bit. “do you know how proud i am? do you know how happy i am? do you know how rich you could be?”
“wait, what?”
“rich!” tae repeats. “the man — what’s his name? yoongi? — he’s literally the grand prince, jeongguk-ah! he’d be drowning in wealth. you’d be so rich! and you could live in the palace!”
jeongguk laughs at taehyung’s excitement.
and jimin:
jimin’s rock goes sinking into the river as jeongguk finally gets the courage to blurt out ‘ i love the grand prince!’ as jimin is about to skip a rock. for a second, they both just stare at each other, wide-eyed and confused, until a bird flies over their heads, chirping loudly.
that seems to break jimin out of his trance.
“you…” he starts, his eyes widening and taking on an expression akin to pity. “the grand prince? does he...know?”
“of course not.” jeongguk says, half annoyed at jimin and half at himself.
he wants to have the courage to say those words to yoongi. he wants to throw caution to the wind and just capture yoongi in a kiss, so he doesn’t have to say anything and he’ll get the message across. but he’s afraid — of making yoongi angry, of getting hurt by his words of rejection, of having to forget all the moments of affection he’s gotten.
jimin sighs, skipping another rock into the river. this one goes far before sinking.
“jeongguk-ah, i don’t mean this in a bad way, but maybe,” jimin takes in a cautious breath, like he's afraid of startling jeongguk. “maybe you should let it remain that way.”
“...what?” jeongguk says, confusion morphing into hurt and then into anger. “i can’t believe you, of all people, would say that.”
“it’s just —” jimin sighs. “love doesn’t always last, jeongguk-ah. i know that you must have considered the possibility at least once.”
“which possibility?”
“of him not reciprocating it.”
jeongguk stops before he can even think of forming a response.
it’s been his biggest fear lately. every time he’s with yoongi, he wants to be brave, be bold, and just blurt out of his feelings without hesitation. but then he thinks about what will happen next.
in the next second, maybe yoongi will be confused, maybe he won’t realize just what jeongguk is talking about. in the next minute, though, he will. in the next hour, he’ll yell at jeongguk and storm away, or perhaps drag him to the courtyard and make him beg for mercy as he holds his sword at jeongguk’s neck. and jeongguk wouldn’t even try to stop him from driving it into his heart, because he doesn’t want to imagine what will come after, if yoongi lets him live.
and so, jeongguk stays quiet, and keeps his heart in check whenever he’s around yoongi. it’s better to have the grand prince think of him as a companion to drive away his loneliness than to have yoongi hate him.
“i — i have, of course.” he breathes, an answer to jimin’s question. “but i still think he should know. i’m just...scared.”
jimin sits on a rock near the riverbank and pats the spot next to him. jeongguk goes, lowering himself beside jimin and staring out at the water.
“i’m scared too.” jimin whispers. “i’m scared of losing my first love.”
taehyung. he’s talking about taehyung, who they’ve rarely seen these days. jeongguk wants to offer comfort, but he’s not sure if he can. tae is bound by his family’s will and jimin is bound by the responsibility to care for his siblings and his mother. they aren’t free to leave, and yet they can’t stay and watch each other slowly unwind the destiny their thought was intertwined.
in the end, he settles for pulling jimin close and letting him shed a few tears on his shoulder. he stares at the river in front of him. it’s flowing steadily, with barely any obstructions in its path as far as jeongguk can see. the water sounds happy as it bubbles past him, and jeongguk wishes to be that river. at least then his life would be free of obstacles. at least then he wouldn’t hesitate.
there's something strange about yoongi today.
it wasn't very noticeable when he came to the palace, but jeongguk gets sure of it with every passing second. the reasons?
one, yoongi asks if they can go to his bed-chamber directly, instead of taking their usual trip around the palace. there's a protective glint in his eyes as they roam over jeongguk's form, and then scan the palace walls like he's afraid someone's going to suddenly appear there.
two, yoongi fidgets the whole time they try to read, his attention stuck somewhere else. jeongguk is beginning to get the hang of reading characters by sight, but he purposely messes up a few times and waits for yoongi's gentle tone of correction, but he never says anything.
jeongguk thinks that he’s caught on to what jeongguk has been trying to show him for the past few months. that he’s finally realized jeongguk’s feelings, and now he’s disgusted with him. that he wants him to be gone from his palace, from his life. it’s an irrational thought, but it strikes fear in his heart.
“jeongguk?”
he looks up, startled. yoongi hasn’t spoken a lot today and it’s jarring to hear his voice after a silence so long.
“yes, yoongi-nim?”
yoongi’s eyes are intense as he fixes his gaze on jeongguk. it looks like he’s searching for something, with the way he’s looking at him. jeongguk takes a deep breath and hopes his eyes convey whatever yoongi is looking for.
finally, yoongi speaks again.
“i have to tell you something,” he says. pauses. screws his eyes shut, breathes, and open them again. and this time, they are hopeful. “i...have to tell you something.”
“alright. go on.” jeongguk breathes, unsure if he should be eager to hear whatever yoongi has to say, considering the obvious hesitation in the other man’s voice.
“alright,” yoongi repeats, and then takes a few more breaths, as if trying to prepare himself. “i — i’ve been wanting to tell you this for a long time, but i could never find the perfect moment for it, and now i’m worried there might never be one, because i think i’ve run out of time.”
yoongi pauses, and it seems the world has come to a standstill.
jeongguk waits, breath held, because if he’s right about where this is going, if yoongi’s heart goes in the same direction as his, then he doesn’t want anything to shatter this moment. not even himself.
yoongi looks right at him. “i love you.”
the world stutters to a stop.
jeongguk takes it in. takes in the low tone of yoongi's voice, raspy as always but laced with so much emotion. takes in yoongi's gaze that is so intense that it feels like looking directly at the sun. takes in the worried set of his mouth, as if he's afraid jeongguk’s answer might be anything other than to say those words in return. as if he thinks jeongguk isn't just as gone for yoongi as yoongi is for him.
jeongguk’s breath rushes out of his lungs in a relieved sigh. in that moment, he doesn’t know why he was so afraid, why he didn’t just be brave and lay his heart in front of yoongi. but he’s not afraid now. he’s nervous, and excited, and giddy from the realization that yoongi loves him. loves him.
it doesn’t feel like a surprise. maybe jeongguk knew somewhere in his heart, all along, that they would end up here. that all those nights of wandering, all those words and smiles and glances exchanged between them would lead right up to this moment when jeongguk will whisper out an ‘ i love you too’, and rush forward to capture yoongi’s lips.
jeongguk smiles, raising up on his knees to stand up, mouth opening to say the words that have made a home in his heart, but —
but the moment shatters before it even starts. yoongi reaches out to him, suddenly frenzied, and grabs onto jeongguk’s arms. jeongguk blinks in confusion, catching yoongi as he all but throws his weight onto jeongguk’s forearms.
“i love you,” yoongi whispers, hurried. “and i had to tell you this at least once before — before —”
a brick drops in jeongguk’s gut. he swallows. “before what?”
yoongi’s gaze fixes on something behind jeongguk’s shoulder. jeongguk gives him a shake, but his eyes are stuck at the spot.
“before what , yoongi-nim?”
“leave.”
jeongguk recoils. “ what ?”
“leave. you have to leave,” yoongi says, his eyes still fixed at something behind jeongguk.
he tries to turn to see whatever it is, his heart beating loud in his ears, but yoongi’s hand shoots out and cups his cheek, keeping him in place. there are tears lining his eyes. one of them makes its way down his cheek. he looks scared.
jeongguk didn’t even know yoongi could ever be scared, but he is.
“run as far as you can, alright?” yoongi says, speaking in a rushed whisper now, his fingers digging into jeongguk’s forearm, desperate. the tears are rolling in thick rivulets from his eyes. “you have to promise me, jeongguk-ah. don’t look back. just run. and don’t come back here. promise me.”
“yoongi-nim, i —”
“ promise me! ”
jeongguk flinches. “i promise. i promise.”
“okay. okay, that’s —” yoongi stands up, pulling jeongguk up with him, his hands still stopping him from turning around. “leave now, jeongguk. and don’t — don’t look back, alright?”
“w-what? i —”
“i love you.” yoongi whispers. “go.”
and jeongguk does.
he dashes out of the room and down the stairs, mind muddled and barely working. there's a nagging thought at the back of his mind that he should turn around and go to yoongi. that he should go back and take yoongi with him.
as he stumbles out into the courtyard, he hears the unmistakable sound of a sword striking another, and comes to a sudden realization.
“someone from the family tried to have him assassinated.”
“he’s nothing but a threat in their eyes, and i won’t be surprised if someone tries to harm him in some way.”
“ i think i’ve run out of time.”
“i had to tell you this at least once before —”
“yoongi.” he breathes.
yoongi is in trouble.
yoongi’s life is in danger.
jeongguk skids to a stop in the middle of the courtyard, chest heaving, and turns around to go back the way he came.
his heart pounds in his chest, threatening to rise louder than the still echoing sounds of swords. he runs up the stairs, breath caught in his throat, one thought echoing loud over the others: yoongi. yoongi could be hurt, could be dead , all because jeongguk left him alone to face whatever danger is in the room with him.
suddenly, the sounds of the swordfight cease, and a hush falls over the entire palace. jeongguk freezes in his tracks, scared of what that might mean.
please , he thinks desperately, please be okay.
the amount of time it takes for him to get to yoongi’s door is unbearably long, but then he's standing in front of him and —
what if yoongi is —?
no, he's not, jeongguk tells himself. he slams into the door, which gives away under the force, and barrels into the room. his eyes search desperately for yoongi, yoongi, yoongi —
there he is.
yoongi is pressed to the wall, a man standing in front of him, hands on his throat, squeezing without mercy.
jeongguk sees red.
his eyes focus on the man's bloody hands around yoongi's throat, and he doesn't know what comes over him. he stumbles towards the man, nearly tripping over the sheets which have been pulled from the bed, and latches on to him, wrenching his head back with one hand fisted in his hair and the other grabbing the back of his neck.
the man jerks back under jeongguk's hold, startled, and jeongguk takes the opportunity to drag him further, as far away from yoongi as he can get. he needs to keep yoongi safe, needs to get him out of harm’s way. it’s the only thing that he can think of.
with the pressure on his neck gone, yoongi slides down the wall, coughing and sputtering. there’s a wound on his arm, gushing blood over his robes.
the man — the assassin — recovers from his shock, grabbing onto jeongguk’s hand which is in his hair and pulling. jeongguk feels his body twist painfully before he lands on the floor, the wind knocked out of him. the man climbs on top of his chest, a glint in his eyes as his hands snake over jeongguk’s throat and squeeze hard.
jeongguk feels himself start to choke. he claws at the man’s hands, afraid that he’s going to die right now, and he doesn’t want to die, he doesn’t, he wants —
“ yoongi! ” he screams. his voice sounds choked.
the man hisses something under his breath, but jeongguk can’t hear him over the sound of his own jack-rabbitting heart. black spots start to cloud his vision. he claws harder at the man’s arms, trying to reach his face, but the pressure on his throat increases.
he’s going to die. he’s going to die right now.
jeongguk gurgles as feels his life slipping away from him, limbs thrashing weakly in a last attempt to save himself. this can’t be it. he can’t die. he doesn’t want to die.
“yoongi.” he thinks he says, but he’s not sure if he says it out loud.
i love you, yoongi.
his vision goes dark.
jeongguk wakes up.
for a second, he isn’t sure if he’s dead. there’s no white glow of heaven, nor a fiery red pit of hell in front of him. instead, there’s an intricate pattern of gold and blue in front of his eyes, which he identifies as the ceiling of yoongi’s bed-chamber.
jeongguk shoots up, flinging away the sheets around him. he’s in yoongi’s bed, he realises, and yoongi is —
where is yoongi?
jeongguk’s head whips around, searching for a sign of yoongi, but he doesn’t find him. he turns to get down from the bed, to run out ot look for him, to make sure he’s okay —
yoongi is sitting on the floor right beside the bed.
his head rests against the side of the bed, eyes closed and hand clutching a fistful of jeongguk’s robes. there’s a ring of bruises around his neck, no doubt mirroring the one’s jeongguk probably has as well. his arm, however, is covered with white fabric, stained with red in a few places. his hair is coming loose, a couple of strands hanging right in front of his face and fluttering slightly with every breath he takes.
he needs a few seconds to process the fact that he didn’t die . he didn’t die and neither did yoongi, and the assassin isn’t here, which means he’s either dead or being punished somewhere for his crimes.
jeongguk sighs, immeasurable relief flooding through his veins, and slumps against the headboard. yoongi is alive. jeongguk is alive. they’re both alright.
he lays there for a while, staring at the ceiling and feeling his robes being stretched over his torso because of yoongi’s grip on them. and he just breathes, soaking in the beauty of the room. and the morning light streaming in through the windows. and the distant sound of the servants chattering as they start working.
he’s so glad that he’s alive. and that yoongi’s alive. and he’s glad that the grip on his robes loosens and instead, yoongi’s head peeks up over the bedframe. jeongguk smiles at him, soaking up his beauty.
“jeongguk.”
yoongi scrambles onto the bed, hands fluttering about an inch above jeongguk’s skin as he moves them over his torso, his eyes roaming over him as if scanning for injury.
“yoongi-nim.” jeongguk whispers, grabbing yoongi’s wrists and pulling him closer, suddenly feeling brave with the knowledge that yoongi loves him, that he will allow this because of it.
yoongi’s eyes snap to his face, brows furrowed in obvious concern. he looks soft like this — with messy hair and a slightly puffy face, his lips jutting out in a pout — and jeongguk is incredibly endeared. the smile takes over his face without him even realizing it.
“i’m right here,” he says. “and i have something to tell you. something i didn’t get to say last night.”
yoongi’s gaze roams over his face. he’s holding his breath, just like jeongguk had held his last night. anticipating.
“i love you, min yoongi.”
jeongguk watches the coil of yoongi’s eyebrows ease out and the pout on his face be replaced by a gentle smile and his shoulder’s relaxed and thinks — i love him. i love love love him.
he can’t believe he gets to say that.
“jeongguk-ah, do me a favour,” yoongi says, voice all quiet and shy like it is when he admits something to him. “say it once again.”
so jeongguk does.
and then leans forward — it’s a bit painful because his sides hurt and one of his palms has a cut on it that hurts when he puts pressure on it — but he gets to see the pretty blush on yoongi’s cheeks and then the moment he closes his eyes and leans in, and then feel yoongi’s lips pressing against his, gentle but insistent. hesitant. sweet.
jeongguk’s eyes slip closed, and his lips move of their own accord. he barely registers sliding an arm around yoongi’s waist and pulling him close. there’s a rush of incoherent thoughts in his head, but most of all, there’s yoongi. and yoongi’s lips. and yoongi’s small laugh, which escapes him as jeongguk deepens the kiss. he could stay like this for an eternity, he thinks. he needs nothing else.
but in the next moment, his body betrays his mind by making him pull back to gasp for air, mind still addled by the fog that took over him the moment yoongi’s lips touched his.
yoongi seems just as affected by it as jeongguk feels. he’s blushing red all the way to the tips of his ears, mouth slightly open and eyes still closed as he breathes hard. his hands — one of them clutching jeongguk’s robe, the other one on his shoulder — clench into fists before he lets go and sits back, finally opening his eyes. and they’re just as intense as they always were, but this is intense happiness. it’s euphoria.
jeongguk wants to give him the whole world.
but —
“jeongguk-ah, we — we can’t.” yoongi says, ducking his head. “we can’t. i can’t.”
“w-what?”
yoongi is staring at his hands and shaking his head and jeongguk feels his world start to crumble.
“the — the king, he, he wants me dead.” yoongi whispers. “and i can’t stop him. but, but, i’m okay with that. i knew it was coming. but, jeongguk he — he knows. abut you. about us. and he’ll hurt you too. i can’t let that happen.”
“i don’t care about that.” jeongguk says, firm. he doesn’t. he’ll protect yoongi for the rest of his life if he has to.
“you could die,” yoongi says, and then looks up at him with rage blazing in his eyes. “no, you will die. the king will make sure of it.”
“then you go and become king.” jeongguk says, and he knows it’s foolish. yoongi can’t be the king. he has a scar and a whole royal family that hates him enough to want him dead. but jeongguk will do anything to keep yoongi at his side, even if it involves making childish demands.
yoongi sighs. "i wish it were that easy."
"yoongi…"
yoongi shakes his head, screwing his eyes shut. "i can't put you in danger, jeongguk."
"you're not doing anything. i chose this. i chose you."
"it doesn't matter."
"then why did you say it in the first place?!" jeongguk snaps. "it would have been better to let me remain unaware. you can't expect me to know that we love each other and still keep myself away."
"jeongguk —"
" no, yoongi-nim!" jeongguk yells. "we'll fix this. we will."
"what are you going to do? fight the royal army?"
"if i have to do it, i will."
if yoongi was by his side, jeongguk could fight the whole world if he had to. maybe he was being a bit unrealistic, but jeongguk was sure that they could figure something out together. he didn't want to let go of yoongi before he even got him back.
"jeongguk, i…"
"let's give it one try. please. for us." jeongguk says. "we'll figure it out."
"alright. one try."
three years later
jeongguk stands at the door of the cottage, watching the long road leading to it, separating it enough from the town that it's quiet and no one disturbs them, but close enough that they aren't completely excluded from the town.
today is the day that seokjin and namjoon are coming over.
days like these don't come too frequently, but between taehyung, jimin, hoseok, seokjin and namjoon, they get enough visitors that it feels like a regular occurrence.
yoongi is working — he has gotten a job as a tutor for a nobleman's son, and he enjoys it a lot, always coming home with stories about the little boy and his antics. it makes jeongguk's heart fonder.
and jeongguk — well, he doesn’t really have one job. he works as a cook in one of the town's restaurants, but he also helps with odd jobs around town, and some days, he just stays at home and reads. yoongi tells him that he doesn't need to work at all, but jeongguk feels strange leaving all the work to yoongi, and his employer is nice, so he goes to work every morning.
except for today, because seokjin and namjoon are coming over.
a figure appears at the end of the long road, and jeongguk smiles. yoongi walks towards him, a similar grin taking over his face. jeongguk can never get tired of this sight — yoongi walking home from work with his beige coloured robes and his gummy smile directed at jeongguk.
as he reaches the threshold of the cottage, jeongguk pushes himself off the doorframe and goes to embrace him.
"i'm home." yoongi says.
it's unnecessary, because jeongguk already knows this, but yoongi says it every day.
"i missed you." jeongguk whispers, before leaning in for a quick kiss.
yoongi chuckles. "missed you too, gguk-ah."
before he can say anything else, they hear the tell-tale sound of the horse carriage, and seokjin's yells of their names, and they break away. jeongguk smiles and waves at seokjin, who is half-hanging out of the carriage, namjoon's hand on his robes trying to pull him back inside.
yoongi laughs. "hyung never gets quieter, does he?"
"he wouldn't be seokjin if he did."
they both stand at the door as the carriage comes closer, yoongi sliding a hand around his waist as jeongguk beams and yells a greeting back at seokjin.
"let's go welcome our guests, shall we?" yoongi asks.
jeongguk nods, and they start walking.
seokjin and namjoon are bickering loudly about something, but they stop as jeongguk and yoongi approach.
"jeongguk-ah!" seokjin says as he gets down from the carriage, launching himself at jeongguk and cupping his cheeks. "you've gotten thinner! yah, yoongi, feed him more, will you?!"
"i do!"
namjoon smiles at them. "hello, jeongguk-ah, yoongi-hyung."
seokjin is still berating yoongi as they enter the house, and jeongguk just stops at the threshold.
it's been years, but there hasn't been a day that jeongguk isn't struck by this — the surreal feeling of living a life with the person he loves. every day, he finds a new reason to fall in love with yoongi, marvelling over the fact that he gets to have this. seokjin and namjoon feel like family, and so does yoongi, and jeongguk tries to soak up this moment.
jeongguk watches them from the door as they bicker, all with wide smiles on their faces and thinks —
he's satisfied with his life.