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He looked at the sky, it was the prettiest thing he had ever seen. Blue, full of white, fluffy clouds . He loved the sky. Why was he here?
The pain makes him curl. Yeah, right. They stabbed him.
“Cap?” Someone’s voice sounded in his ear.
“Hey cap, you copy?” Nat. It’s nat voice. She had a really nice voice, raspy.
“I copy” he tried to stand up, but hissed at the explosion of pain in his lower abdomen.
“You okay there?” Now it was tony. He did sound like Howard, not sure why he insisted on denying it.
“Cap? Does anyone has visual on cap?” Who was that? He didn’t recognize it, sounded like morita. “We done, search for cap”
His brain forced him to press his side, making him lucid. He looked down to his hands and -oh god- there was a big hole in his stomach pouring his blood on the ground. There was so, so much of the red liquid. He doesn’t get it, he was fine a second ago. Gabe gave him a cup with hot water, dum-dum was telling a story from his childhood and Bucky-wait Bucky. Where was Bucky?-
“Cap, cap. Common man, give us a sign.” There’s the voice, Sam. Yeah, he met Sam in D.C. he was running and there he was, trying to keep up with him. The thought made him laugh but it came out more like a whine. Apparently that was all they needed.
“Steve, focus. We can’t find you if you don’t give us something” ah, good old Bucky. Always looking out for him. His mother loved Bucky, she really did. Sometimes it made him sad to think that there was a small probability that his mother preferred his friend because he was healthy. Healthy and strong and good and loving and caring and-he felt like throwing up- he spat down the liquid in mouth. It was not bile, it was blood.
“Steve? Guys I don’t think we can get him to talk. Thor I need you in the air, nat west, Barton you go east. Sam and Wanda south. Barnes with me, we are going north. Common” Tony was good at this, giving orders and taking control just like Peggy. She was a tough girl, she had to be.
Oh man, he was cold. He hates the cold, which makes him feel trapped in the ice. He never told anyone but he remembers waking once in his freezing days. He remembers the pressure in his chest, the numbness in his whole body and the desperation that crept into his mind. He doesn’t want to live that again.
He pressed harder into the wound. It was useless. He had already lost the amount of blood that would make a normal human die. It wouldn’t be long before he goes too. He giggled, a stab would be the death of him. A stab. Not pneumonia, not the winter of ‘32, not asthma, not the death of his mother, not ice, not war, not aliens, not robots, not Bucky not even his own goddamn mind. A stab.
Hilarious. Really, the universe had quite dark humor.
Huh, every time he was in near death situations he was with someone, his mother was the first. Jesus, how much he missed his ma. She was the light of his eyes for almost eighteen years. Ocean blue eyes, golden hair, a petite woman with nothing but love and kindness in her heart. Before the serum he used to draw her all the time, afraid that he would forget her features but after project rebirth he hasn’t drawn anything at all. She would be sad and that made him sad. It was unfair, she died because she helped people, he kills people with the lie that is for a greater good. He thinks what she would say now that he’s not a catholic and a killer. Perhaps she would accept it, perhaps she would hate him. Steve came to the conclusion that either way, he would be pleased to hear her voice again, only once.
He spit more blood. He felt dizzy. He took off his helmet, the thing was crushing his skull. The sky was so pretty, one of the clouds had a turtle form, he smiled and tried to find another one with an exotic form. He turned around to see if Bucky was doing the same, he was. Sokovia had a similar sky. Nat liked it. What did she say? Ah, No, it was something like < There’s worst ways to go> yeah that. Nat would be sad, she said she owed him one, he knew she would blame herself, she already has a ton of guilt. She’s good. She thinks she’s not but he knows better, she wants to clean her ledger. She can’t. That doesn’t mean she’s bad, she changed for good, that’ll be enough.
This hurt like a bitch. He looked at his hand. It was covered in red and he frowned, he was with Wanda. Playing some card game, poor kid. She has lost a lot. Her parents, her childhood, her country and she almost loses her brother. She was too young to be here. He should’ve told her she wasn’t ready. Just like he did with Pietro. They weren’t ready. This is his mistake.
He saw the glint of the red, blue and white disc. His shield. The thing that made him respected, his death sentence. Howard did an amazing job with the colors. Sam would be great with it. He was a good man. Eirskane said good becomes great, Sam is already great. He only needs the shield. Steve is going to give him the shield.
“Cap?” Howard. He needs to tell him to be good, to forget him. He needs to be there for his son, be a good father so Tony can be at peace. Howard needs to know that Steve is fine with him leaving him in the ocean. Doesn’t matter. Howard has to live a fulfilling life. He has to.
He was so tired. So, so tired. Maybe he could close his eyes for a minute and come back. Bucky always says to sleep, that it was good for you. He should listen to Bucky. Bucky is smart, he knows what he's doing. He would never hurt him. Never. That voice. He missed Bucky a lot on his first years in the twenty first century, he was the only thing he had left; when he woke up Bucky wasn’t there. He was alone. Just like now.
He wants to close his eyes, he needs to sleep before school starts.
“Steve. Common pal, don’t close those eyes” Bucky? Was that Bucky?
“Yeah. It’s Bucky and tony. Open your eyes” he tried to. It hurts.
“Common grandpa, open those eyes” Why is Howard talking to him?
“Not Howard. Tony. I’m Tony” ah Tony, he liked Tony. He was funny.
“Yeah-no-hurry-“ he tried again, with more determination this time.
“That’s it. See? It wasn’t that difficult” It wasn’t.
“Hi” he breathed.
They smiled.
“Hey” both men said.
“We are here-Jesus fucking Christ-“ he turned to the sudden voices. It was his team. He tried to smile.
“A stab?” Nat's voice was the first one to break the silence.
“Deep one,” Tony said. He looked again at the hole. He gasped.
“Calm down, Steve” His ma.
He breathed down slowly. Just like they taught him.
“Apply pressure” he felt bigger hands on his side. Maybe Thor. He was a god from space. Pa would go nuts. He never met his pa. Maybe he could now.
“Steve. We need you to keep breathing” Clint.
“Hm?” Steve opened his eyes again, he doesn’t remember closing them.
“Focus, soldier” he raised his head. Poor kid, she was watching.
“Don’t- Wanda. Too-young” he knew the words came out as mumbling. She understood.
“I- it’s okay. I can do it” she smiled.
He turned to Bucky, he had a sad face. Why? He was fine.
“Buck- no. No. Breath Steve” He was breathing.
“We can’t-we need medical-he won’t make it-like hell he’ll do-Bucky-no-Tony we can’t- we aren’t losing him-I can make it better-Wanda-how did-a stab-fucking stupid-“ we’re they talking about him?
He tried to sit more straight, his butt started to ache.
“ ‘m fine” There was silence. A horrible silence.
“Bucky?”
“Yeah, pal?”
They made a decision.
“ ‘m telling ma I met a god” he tried to laugh, in result he spit more blood.
“She’s whooping your ass for blasphemy” Bucky sniffed.
“ ‘s okay. I miss her” he saw some tears.
He had too much to say yet, his tongue was refusing to work. He couldn’t go like this. Not without talking.
“Tony?”
“Right here, popsicle”
“Howard was bad. Sorry.”
“Not your fault” He deserved an apology.
“You’ good”
“I’ll tell people you are flirting with me, cap. Can’t lie it’s a complement but I’m already taken, lucky for the next one” his voice was wary. He smiled.
“Nat.”
“Not saying goodbye” she was determined that’s why he liked her.
“Fi-ne. I’ll say it. You-he gasped for more air-you don’t owe me anymore” she didn’t, she paid him with her trust and friendship. She’ll continue to pay him if she continues to help.
“I owe you everything, Steve” she touched his cheek and gave a warm kiss. How nice.
He felt himself starting to drift away. There was another one, this one had the form of a half moon.
“Sam” he touched the disc. Good man, good heart he tried to push the shield back to Sam, it was too heavy for him.
“I’ll make sure it gets to good hands, cap. Don’t worry” No. he didn’t need anyone else.
“Yours” he breathed.
“You piece-of-thank you” Sam took the shield and tossed it in the back. It was not important.
“I can do it better, Steve. Just ask” Wanda kneeled in front of him, her hands in his head. Her face was wet.
“You can’t save everyone. No one can” he gave her his best smile he could pull off at the moment. Wanda broke down and cried in his neck. His heart broke at the sound.
“I’ll make it better. Promise” he said nothing.
Silence. His life was full of noise, it was nice to not hear anything but his breathing. It was very peaceful. And the sky. Wow. The sky looked wonderful.
“Buck-“ his lungs were collapsing, he knew that.
“Right here, Stevie”
Steve felt like crying, he was leaving just when they got home. He was a cruel monster.
“Sorry” he touched his hand and Bucky fell into his frame.
“It’s fine, punk. I’ll be fine” he whispered. It wasn’t enough.
“Miss you” he was going to miss everyone.
“I’ll miss you too. Don’t worry about that.” Again, a caring person.
“Miss all-you” he turned his head to the sky. He wanted to see the amazing sky.
Everyone saw the last silent tear that rolled down Steve Rogers face. Their hearts ached.
“Close your eyes, Steve. We’ll be fine.” He wasn’t sure whose voice was that, the idea of resting sounded like heaven. He would listen to them. They wouldn’t hurt him. Not in a million years.
He knew it was the end. He finally gets to close his eyes.
“Welcome home, golden boy!” She is so pretty.
The end