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After nearly two thousand years of marriage, one would say that their relationship was as sturdy as stone. And the truth is, it was. They trusted each other blindly, and since people didn't need gods anymore, the former crown prince had plenty of time to spend in the warm company of the former ghost king.
But the thing is, 800 years of self-hatred was not something easy to overcome. Especially if you spent most of your childhood being told that you were ugly, useless and a burden. Although Xie Lian had made sure to repeat over and over again that his husband was the most beautiful, loyal and dedicated man had ever met, plus showing him with both big and small gestures of love to reassure that he loved him, Hua Cheng's mind liked to play with his perception of reality, and from time to time a little voice whispered horrible things to him. And after all, it was his own mind, so why Hua Cheng wouldn't believe it? If it said he was the most hideous man who ever inhabited the earth, then it must be true. His husband knew this and of course did all he could; during the two thousand years of their marriage he repeated constantly sweet affirmations and promises, but his efforts were still in vain, as the insecurities always came back from time to time.
This morning, Hua Cheng woke up from a particularly bad dream, and when he realised his lover wasn't by his side, panic took over his body.
“He's tired of you” started the annoying voice.
“SHUT UP” he had promised gege he wouldn't listen to what that voice had to say, and he was really trying, but once it began talking it wouldn't stop easily.
“You're unworthy of his company, he spent the last two thousand years by your side because he was scared you would do something horrendous AGAIN.”
Hua Cheng's only response was a choked sob, full of abandonment and pain. Was he really that awful monster that he even scared His Highness away? He couldn't help but think about how much pain he made Xie Lian suffered just from pretending he liked, no, loved Hua Cheng during all these years, how painful and scary must have been staying close to an extremely dangerous calamity capable of reduce gods to-
“San Lang?” Xie Lian's voice came from the kitchen, worried because of the noise he heard from the bedroom. Soon he came into Hua Cheng's vision, the latter quickly rubbing off his tears and putting on a perfect mask that betrayed nothing, before his husband could see him and ask questions; he wasn't in the mood of being pitiful today.
Luckily for him, the god didn't see his mood change, and after seeing his husband was awake, Xie Lian brought breakfast so the two of them could eat comfortably in their warm bed. After breakfast it was easier to ignore his thoughts, Xie Lian’s food warming his insides and clearing his mind for the time being.
The rest of the morning went smoothly and without more toxic intrusive thoughts; Hua Cheng had managed to hide his feelings (although he knew they needed to discuss it eventually, just not now) and Xie Lian left for work shortly after. With the only company of their cat, the former ghost king tried to distract himself with cleaning the whole apartment, cooking, brushing and playing with Ruoye, and he even tried to sculpt something, but he just couldn't focus and lacked his usual energy to create something beautiful.
At his 5th attempt of sculpting, his thoughts started again, you're so useless, you can't even focus on a simple damn sculpture, I'm sure His Highness will see this and get disappointed of you, you good-for-nothing piece of shi-
He didn't even notice he had started crying, nor the fact that Xie Lian was back from work. As his husband's steps grew closer to his studio, his sobs only grew louder and the tears falling down his face were thicker; Xie Lian found him on the floor (Hua Cheng didn't remember when or how he got in that position), crying and hugging his own knees.
“San Lang?” Xie Lian's voice sounded concerned and close to his ear, shortly followed by strong arms that held him gently but firmly.
Hua Cheng didn't trust his own voice, so he simply returned the hug and buried his face in the crook of his husband's neck until he got tired of crying. Seeing Hua Cheng's tears stopped, Xie Lian gently picked him up while still hugging him, the ghost's legs wrapped around the god's waist instinctively. He carried him while stroking his long hair; once in bed, they both simply lay there, still hugging, too comfortable to change into pyjamas or change position. Right now, neither of them wanted (nor needed) to separate. Without noticing, Xie Lian's breathing became slower as he fell asleep, the love of his life long asleep, and safely protected by his strong arms.
The next morning, Hua Cheng woke up from a peaceful night without nightmares, to his husband quietly playing with his hair and watching him with eyes so full of love it almost hurt.
“Good morning San Lang” Xie Lian's voice was raspy with sleep, but still soft and sweet.
“Morning gege” Hua Cheng snuggled closer as he inhaled the god's sweet smell mixed with his own.
“Are you feeling better now?”
“En, thanks to gege's help.”
“Do you want to talk about last night?” Xie Lian's voice was cautious, he didn't want to push him.
This time, Hua Cheng took his time to answer. Does he really want to bother his god about such insignificant things? Certainly not. But he also had promised that he would express both his feelings and needs, so he didn't really have an option.
“Your Highness, this one…” Xie Lian nodded and reached to take his hand to give it a little squeeze, so he knew he was paying attention. “This one…
Xie Lian’s hand was firm and warm against Hua Cheng’s, giving him the courage he needed.
“Gege” Hua Cheng's voice was almost inaudible, and it took all his mental and physical capacity to say the next words out loud. “Do you still love me?”
Xie Lian immediately froze and frowned, but forced himself to relax so he wouldn’t give Hua Cheng the wrong idea, although his brows stayed knitted.
“San Lang, look at me” he grabbed the other man’s face, and tilted it upward so they were facing each other. He traced the face in front of him with gentle fingers, admiring his beauty. He didn’t spend much time on this though, because he knew that the longer he took to answer, the more insecure and anxious his lover would be. “San Lang, I fall in love with you a little more everyday. You’re an amazing husband” A kiss on the cheek. “I know your all” A kiss on the nose. “I’ll choose you over and over again” Another one on the forehead. ”And I wouldn’t change a single thing about you” Finally, a quick kiss on the lips.
“But…”
“Hm?”
“But aren’t you tired of me?” his voice was still little, although a bit more confident.
“I would never get tired of my husband” this time, Xie Lian pulled Hua Cheng’s face forward so their lips could gently meet.
It was a soft kiss, Xie Lian made sure of pouring all his love, while his hand was caressing Hua Cheng’s face with tenderness. Their kiss didn’t last long, but it was full of love and it was enough for the younger man to push away his insecurity. His gege loved him, he had stayed with him for the last two thousands of years and their love never flickered even once. He also said that he loved him, and who was Hua Cheng to question his god’s words? He knew he now was safe from bad thoughts, and although he didn’t know for how long, he was thankful he had an amazing husband by his side.
After they separated, Hua Cheng hid his face in Xie Lian’s neck again, and the latter started to run his hand up and down his back, tracing illegible doodles and words of love. The weather outside was cold and it looked like it was going to rain soon, so they stayed like that a bit longer, the rest of the world be damned.
Eventually they had to start their day, Hua Cheng clinging koala style to Xie Lian’s back while the former god made breakfast and fed Ruoye. After two thousand years he still wasn’t the best at cooking, but their bodies were immortal and they couldn’t really die of food poisoning, so none of them minded.
Xie Lian had silently made a plan to make sure his beloved felt loved today, so he ordered food from a nearby restaurant and some sweets from the bakery a few blocks away; like this, he could spend as much time cuddling his husband as possible. The only times they separated was when he needed to get the food from the delivery guy, but the rest of the day they were glued together and cuddling nicely on the couch, random movies playing as background noise, none of them really paying attention.
When it came to eating, Hua Cheng didn’t resist when his beloved sat him on his lap and hand fed him his favorite food, jasmine tea and the sweets he bought earlier. His heart and mind were at peace now, the mean voice nowhere to be seen and content to be spoiled rotten by his special someone.
After eating, their bodies decided it was the perfect time for a nap, so Hua Cheng curled against Xie Lian just like he did last night, and let his husband hold him close to keep him both warm and secure. The couch wasn’t that big and the two of them had to lay one on top of the other, but their plan was to squish themselves together anyway. They could’ve gone to their bed and been more comfortable, but they were so cozy they didn’t want to move, especially because that meant Xie Lian had to let go of Hua Cheng for a moment to get up, and leaving his side for even ten seconds was simply not an option given his situation.
They woke up to a very attention deprived Ruoye who was sitting on their faces, the treatment they deserved for not inviting him to cuddle session nor giving him some of their food earlier. So of course the three of them cuddled a bit more on the couch before finally deciding it was time for a shower and sleeping.
In the shower, Xie Lian made sure to wash his husband’s hair carefully and with his favorite products (why did he need that many products? Xie Lian still didn’t see the point of a five step hair routine, but did it anyway because he knew Hua Cheng enjoyed having nice hair and the smell of all his products.) Then, he made sure to wash his body carefully and thoroughly, none of them in the mood of spicing things up; Xie Lian’s own hair routine was much simpler and he didn’t take long, so soon enough they had their warm pyjamas on, and Xie Lian quickly used the hair dryer enough to make his hair damp before turning to his husband and brushing and drying his hair carefully. When he finished, he realized Hua Cheng was almost asleep on the chair, the warm air of the hair dryer combined with the soft motions of the brush against his hair making him sleepy.
“San Lang, let’s go to bed” he whispered
“Mmmh” still with his eyes closed, Hua Cheng did grabby hands at him, a silent sign that he wanted to be carried to bed. And honestly, who was Xie Lian to deny him? He was a weak man after all, and his husband was way too cute to not spoil him.
So, he carefully carried him in a bridal carry and headed to their bedroom. Hua Cheng was in a clingy mood, he wouldn’t let Xie Lian get up to turn off the lights so he turned them off himself on their way to the bed. And once settled, they lay so close their bodies felt like one.
“San Lang, are you feeling better?”
“Yes gege, thank you” he really was thankful, his mood was way better now and he couldn’t feel more in love with his husband.
“I’m glad San Lang told me what was worrying him, so we could work on it together” Xie Lian’s hand was caresing his beloved’s hair and back in a comforting motion.
Hua Cheng was too sleepy to keep their conversation, so he just gave Xie Lian a quick kiss on the neck, hoping that was enough to make clear he didn’t want to talk anymore, and prepared for sleep. Yesterday wasn’t a good day, but they worked on it together and made Hua Cheng feel better, loved and secure.
He knew those awful thoughts would come back at some point, but as they spent more years together the voice became weaker and weaker and only appeared from time to time. Hopefully, this time it’ll take a few centuries until he hears it again. For now, his only thoughts were nuzzling closer to Xie Lian and dozing off to a (hopefully) peaceful night without nightmares.