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The tap on her window felt so distant in her sleepy state that for a moment Lily thought it was just raining. Then she blinked drowsy because it didn’t make sense for rain to fall in the middle of December.
She opened her eyes, looking around for the source of the sound—and then she had to blink once more and pinch her arm to confirm she wasn’t dreaming. But, no, her boyfriend was really standing outside the window, grinning at her with a confidence that seemed to ignore the fact there was a snow storm outside threatening to drop him out of his broom.
Lily jumped out of bed, opening the window before she could think better, and James flew inside, bringing with him the cold wind and snowflakes to the warm room.
“James!”
“Alright, Evans?” he asked, the smirk on his face losing the intended effect considering his lips were blue and he was shivering.
“No, of course not! How did you get in here?”
He shot a glance at his broomstick to indicate the answer was obvious. “Flying?”
“In this weather? You are crazy, James, look at you!”
“I’d rather look at you,” he assured, lips trembling and teeth chattering loudly in the room.
Lily shook her head, grabbing a blanket from the closest bed and throwing it around him before she cast a Drying Spell.
“What were you thinking?” she asked, holding him close, trying to warm him the best she could. “And don’t say you were thinking about me.”
“See, Lily, you know me all too well,” he replied amusedly, looking at her with his hazel eyes shining. He opened his blanket, pulling her inside so he could hug her properly. “You know all my pick-up lines. It’s getting hard to surprise you.”
Lily laughed, raising her hands to cup his cold face. “I didn’t expect a visit in the middle of the night.”
“I still have a few tricks up my sleeve,” he whispered, bending his head, lips brushing against hers.
“Hmmm, I quite like those tricks,” she purred, and then he tugged at her lower lip, the tip of his tongue asking for entrance and Lily lost herself for a moment, enjoying the feelings that only James could bring her. They had been dating for a couple of months now and yet she felt she would never get truly used with the way he’d kiss her—fervently and carefully as if he still didn’t believe he could kiss her and yet resolved to enjoy every moment of it—and how his presence made warmth spread down her body, her blood boiling as her heart quickened, until she felt connected only to him and nothing else.
And perhaps that distraction—that James Potter distraction—was the reason she only noticed they had moved when she felt the column of her four-poster bed behind her.
She broke away that kiss, her face flushed. James was still close to her, his lips now red and swollen with their kiss—a much better colour—and his hair messier than when he entered the room. It was a sight that always filled Lily with satisfaction.
“So—” she began, trying to gather her thoughts. “You finally managed to find a way to crack the girl’s dormitory restriction.”
“Oh, we've known since Fourth Year,” he replied distractedly. His hand was busy tracing her jawline, holding her neck and then burying his fingers inside her hair so he could comb it. “The founders never thought of protecting the windows outside.”
“That seems like a lousy mistake.”
“I’m glad they did it. Imagine all the possibilities.”
“I don’t think you are thinking of pranks right now.”
“I’m certainly not,” he assured her. “I’d rather—”
“Think about me, yeah, I know.”
He laughed through the nose; with his mouth close to her neck now, his breath made goosebumps arise on her skin and he noticed it—his lips brushed against her skin, tracing the path of her goosebumps, knowing perfectly well he was only helping to make her skin even more sensitive.
“James—”
“Lily,” he replied easily. “This is the first time we are all alone.”
He was right, she knew. Getting a moment alone, without interruption, was incredibly difficult in a school that size. They still had James’ invisibility cloak, but the cloak wasn’t able to cover sounds and after they had been almost caught by a Third Year girl who’d thought she had encountered some distant cousin of Moaning Myrtle, they gave up sneaking around in corridors. The loss of James’ map hadn’t helped either and they both had bad experiences in broom closets that neither would talk about. Lily had ventured into his dorm one afternoon, but his friends knew no boundaries—Sirius had seemed to make a game of how many innuendo jokes he could say before Lily gave up (her record was six, but she had to admit the mood had been broken by the third).
And now she was alone in her dormitory, all her friends gone home for the holidays. It was late night and Lily knew no one would interrupt them this time…
This thought sent both a jolt of discomfort and excitement down her body and she tried to focus on the former. James’ lips were coaching soft moans from her, and she could concentrate on the way he was so warm now, on how she loved smelling his perfume and how once she turned her head, searching for his lips, he acknowledged her request at once, his hands cupping her face as he dedicated himself to kiss her into oblivion.
Her senses only returned by the time she realized they weren’t standing anymore—well, Lily was, sort of. At some point she had pushed him to sit on the bed—her bed—and she was standing between his legs, inclined towards him, her head at the perfect height for James to slide his lips from her mouth back to her neck, nibbling gently at her skin, and then below, his mouth apparently set in joining his hand, carefully busy in tracing her waist beneath her blouse and then up.
She broke away, straightening herself and opening her eyes. James’ face was alight and his eyes burned for her, molten gold with sparkles of dark green that she loved, but she couldn’t concentrate on this now.
“James,” she started again, hating the hesitation that was all over her voice even as her skin reacted to his touch. “I—maybe we should stop.”
He broke away at once, his hands leaving her body in such a hurry that she almost lost balance.
“Am I doing something wrong?” he asked, eyes widened in panic.
“No, no,” she rushed to answer him, holding his hand and hoping he understood the problem wasn’t him. “It was good. I was enjoying it. It’s just…”
Her voice faltered. The words weren’t that complicated and Lily had them ready, and yet they stuck at her mouth, unable to say it, because what if—what if—they were a dealbreaker for him? James had ventured into a snow storm to spend some time alone with her after all.
“Lils?”
She glanced at him. His eyes were still that dark green they only got when they were snogging, but she could see his concern more than any desire, and she tried to let this overcome any fear she harboured.
“I’m not ready to have sex with you.”
James blinked. Twice.
“Oh.”
And then it followed something that Lily dreaded it might happen: a silence. The kind that allowed her to hear the wind howling outside and their short breaths and even the beating of her own heart.
When that beating became too painful, she took a few steps back, leaving the comfort of the blanket.
That made him frown. “Where are you going?”
Lily forces herself to breathe slowly. “I get it if you don’t—I know you—”
“Lily,” he interrupted her softly. “Do you want me to go away?”
Her answer was easy. “No.”
“Because I’m really sorry if… if me showing up here late at night made you feel as if we should or—I don’t want to ever push you—”
“You wouldn’t. I mean.” Lily bit her lip. “I know we wouldn’t do anything I’m not comfortable with.”
“Nobody could ever make you do something you don’t want to,” he whispered, voice heavy now with a fervor that made his eyes shine. He lifted one hand, waiting carefully until Lily nodded to touch her face. “That’s one of the things I most… like about you.”
His gaze faltered for a moment and Lily doubted that he meant just “like”, but she was also glad he opted for that word. That was just another thing she didn’t feel she was ready for—she hoped she would someday.
And of the things she most liked about James was that she knew he would wait if she asked him to.
“Can I still kiss you?” he asked, eyeing her with undisguised mischief. When Lily didn’t answer, he bit the inside of his cheek. “Or not, I can just stay and talk—or, forget it, I will go to my—”
“James,” she interrupted him, mildly exasperated. “I want to kiss you, of course I do. I’m most addicted to your kisses by this point, you know. I—I just don’t want that you expect anything because—”
“Lily, I still go to bed everyday hoping only that you’ll still want to be with me the next day,” he said, pulling her closer for a hug.
She laughed. “We’ve been dating for two months, I think it’s safe to say I won’t change my mind so easily.”
“No,” he disagreed, watching her fondly. “I won’t ever take you for granted.”
And he kissed her softly, his lips moving over hers with a care that hadn’t been there ever since their first kiss.
Lily sighed, breaking away from him once more. “I want you to stay,” she admitted. “But I don’t know if I can ask you to.”
“Well, I was the one that broke into your room, so—” A laugh escaped her lips. James seemed glad with it; she knew he loved to make her laugh. “We can cuddle a bit if you want to. I’m told I’m very warm.”
She lifted one eyebrow. “Who told you that?”
“Sirius, and he was drunk and we all know we can trust a drunk man’s word.”
She giggled once more, accepting his arms. They laid in bed together, her back pressed against his chest and her head over his arm, while his free hand combed her hair softly; he planted small kisses over her neck once in a while, but for all the shivers that ran down her body when he did it, Lily felt this was almost innocent.
“Can I ask you something?” she whispered, the dim light helping with her courage.
“Anything.”
“Have you ever…”
Her voice faded away. James sighed. “No,” he admitted, and something in his voice made her aware that he was flushing, even if she couldn’t see his face. “Does.... does that make a difference for you?”
“No. Yes.” She fidgeted with her hands before locking her fingers with his. “I like that we can discover it together.”
He pulled her closer against his chest, inhaling the scent of her hair. “I want to share everything with you,” he said frankly. “And I think this would be like… like when I kissed someone else. It was good, just not…”
“You,” she agreed, turning to him, their faces inches apart. “Yeah, I think so too.”
James grinned. It was her favourite smile, the one that pulled at the corner of his lips and that lighted his whole face, but somehow it only made her feel strangely heavy.
“I’m sorry we aren’t having sex yet,” she whispered, and the grin was gone from his lips, replaced by a sudden concern. “No, I mean it. I wish we were—I wish I was ready.”
“Hey, hear me out, okay? I’ll wait as long as you need to. Merlin, if you want to wait until we’re married—or after, that’s your call.”
Her lips curled up into a smirk almost against her will. “Married?”
James grimaced. “I swear that was not a proposal.”
“No, of course not. No fanfare, no fireworks? That wouldn’t be your style.”
“You are mocking me, Evans.”
“I thought it was the best way to deal with your impromptu proposal.”
He laughed, his expression relaxing indeed. Lily pressed herself against him and kissed him, letting her worries melt under the strength of his lips and all the feelings he could arise on her. When her lips moved to press soft kisses over his neck, he laughed softly. “Kissing me is an even better way to diffuse the situation.”
She looked at him, urging her courage to not falter her.
“You can touch me,” she said, the words leaving her mouth rather hurriedly. “Above the waist, I mean. If you want to.”
“Of course I want to,” he spluttered, but he didn’t move. “Are you sure?”
She loved him for his concern. “Yeah. Yes. I’ll tell you if I want you to stop… okay?”
“More than okay,” he assured her, pressing his lips against hers once more and it was only by the time that she moaned into his mouth, truly lost in him, that his hands found their way beneath her blouse, feeling her waist and ribs. She sighed, her body contracting for a second before she let herself breath, accepting his touch, letting herself melt into the feeling of his fingers against her skin.
It seemed that only a few seconds had passed when he withdrew his hands, moving them to hold her face.
“I adore your body, you know?”
Lily smiled. “It’s a mutual feeling,” she replied. Her heart was still pounding on her chest and she let its beat fuel her courage once again. “Can I touch you too?”
He blinked, looking more eager than ever, and took out his blouse.
Lily stared at him without hiding her admiration for once (she got tired of admiring him secretly last year), letting her hand trace the muscles of his chest, rolling her fingers around the hair on his chest and following the path to his abdomen, stopping just below his navel and clenching her hand to avoid going further.
She wanted him, that she didn’t doubt for a second.
She lowered her head, placing a kiss over his heart, and accepting his arms when he pulled them around her. His chest smelled like soap and his warmth seemed to burn through her clothes. It was nice.
“Thanks for letting me stay,” James whispered, sounding nothing but grateful for her presence.
“Thanks for coming,” she answered, closing her eyes and allowing herself to sleep with him.