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Sunshine warms the back of Sara's neck as she wanders through the Tavetaan, her stomach churning. The email had been short, curt, exactly what she'd expect from Evfra de Tershaav - but the message itself had surprised her.
Be in the Tavetaan today, will transmit time shortly. Social obligation.
The leader of the Resistance had been slightly more helpful and less rude since she killed the Archon, but she hadn't gotten the impression that he was interested in getting to know her outside of work. She had almost wanted to ask Jaal if she was walking into some sort of ambush, and had seriously considered bringing Vetra or Drack along for company, but decided last minute against it. She was the Pathfinder, and if she was going to be taken seriously, she needed to do things on her own from time to time, without a squad backing her up.
With everything that had happened, you'd think she was more experienced with getting out of her comfort zone. But as she walked through the Tavetaan and her eyes scanned the bar for any sign of Evfra, she felt a familiar nervousness in the pit of her belly.
Evfra certainly made her nervous, but it wouldn't be right to say that he was handsome - he was brutish and unapproachable and not her usual type, but unfortunately, she couldn't deny that there was something attractive about him. She supposed it was the allure of the unattainable - or just his broad shoulders and surly attitude.
"Ryder," she hears a familiar gruff voice from behind her. "You're late."
Evfra towered above her like most angara, but there was something about him that made him more imposing than the angara she was familiar with, like Jaal. Maybe it was the way people whispered around him, the way younger angara kept their distance but threw him looks of deference. Whatever it was, Sara felt like it would be a long time before people treated her the way with the kind of respect they gave Evfra. Part of her was almost jealous.
"Sorry," she said, smiling politely. "How are you?"
He blinked, as if he didn't quite understand her attempt to make small talk. "Fine," he said tersely. "Anyways, we might as well get on with it."
"On with what, exactly?" Sara's eyes drifted towards the length of the bar, looking for some clue as to why he had called her here.
He sighed. "The Aayaan. I assumed you would have asked Jaal."
"The what?" she felt suddenly foolish for not telling anyone about him asking her here.
"Angaran tradition. I told the Moshae that it was unnecessary," he said, as though he wanted to make it explicitly clear that this was not his idea. "But she seems to think that war doesn't warrant putting off our traditions."
She should have known this was cooked up by the Moshae, who had been slightly sore with Evfra since finding out that he'd kept Vehn Terev's betrayal from her. Perhaps this was his punishment, Sara thought. Hanging out with me.
"So - uh - what exactly is this tradition?"
"War-bonding. It's a tradition of drinking with comrades in arms after a victory - typically performed right after battle, but considering today is the first time you've been to Aya since you found your Meridian, I supposed this is a delayed Aayaan."
Why was it, she thought to herself, that he constantly sounded frustrated?
If ever there was a man who needed to unwind, it was definitely Evfra de Tershaav. There was something slightly unnerving about the way he looked at her, as though he was probing her for a weakness or trying to see some underlying motivation. She'd felt that he was constantly looking for a reason not to trust her, as though expecting the Initiative to turn on him at any moment.
After the stories Jaal had told her about the commander, she wasn't sure she fully blamed him. She could endure the harsh gaze, at least for an afternoon.
"I'd be honored to participate in your tradition," she said gravely.
He snorted. "It's not that serious, Ryder. Just have a few drinks with me, or at least be seen with me for a few minutes. The Moshae wants my people to trust yours."
"And do you trust us yet, Evfra?" she asked him, knowing full well what his answer would be.
"I don't trust anyone, Ryder," he said matter-of-factly. "Least of all, outsiders."
Of course, she thought to herself. He was may be moody and withdrawn, but he was nothing if not predictable.
"I look forward to a day where that answer changes, Evfra. I don't care if I'm old and wrinkled when it happens, but you'll trust us yet."
"What a luxury you afford yourself, Ryder. That you imagine yourself growing old. Like most Resistance fighters, I don't see myself making it through the next fifty years."
She ignored his snarky response. They had made their way to the bar, where the bartender was glancing over at them nervously. She knew it wasn't because she was there, but because Evfra - who, by all accounts, rarely left his office - was gracing his bar. They weren't sitting for more than a minute before Evfra turned to her.
"The Aayaan isn't necessarily a formal ceremony, but it cements two warriors as one of the same blood...or some such nonsense. So Ryder -"
He paused and a pained expression crossed his face. He took a deep breath before continuing.
"My people are...spirited, and a great deal more comfortable with physical proximity than yours. We can't perform the Aayaan when you're sitting as far away from me as possible."
Had she been? She naturally gave Evfra a wide berth - as, it seemed, every other angara did. Though Jaal was warm and free with his affections, she'd assumed that Evfra was an exception to the typical angaran temperament.
She inched her stool closer to his, cautious. "Like this?" she asked.
He snorted. "If anyone watching us were to report this back to the Moshae, they'd say we were enemies. No, Ryder, like this."
He pulled her stool towards him in a fluid motion, and she clutched onto the top to avoid falling off. He stopped when she was so close to him that their arms were touching, and she could feel a slight twitch of electricity between them. Her face was hot, and she struggled to keep her voice even.
"I - ah, I see. Sorry, I didn't take you as the type to be...comfortable with physical proximity."
He was frowning. "I'm not with most. But it's important to the Moshae that your people be seen as our allies, especially amongst the Resistance. If we're going to do the Aayaan, we should do it properly."
They had gotten curious glances from the angara nearby, and Sara hoped she didn't look too flustered. At that moment, mercifully, the bartender chose to walk over with two drinks in tow.
"Ryder, Evfra," he said, averting eye contact and placing a drink in front of her. When he got to Evfra, he placed the drink carefully and quickly made his way to the opposite end of the bar. She noticed that nobody called Evfra by his surname, but somehow everyone seemed to call him reverently regardless. She wondered if there was anyone on Aya who could speak casually with him, and the thought made her slightly sad.
"Why does it seem like everyone here is scared of you?" she asked him. He looked at her sharply.
"Because I'm not their friend," he said. "Unlike you, I don't have the liberty of fraternizing with my subordinates."
"I think we may just have different management styles," she said nervously, unsure how to respond to the underlying hostility in his voice.
"No, you just haven't experienced loss yet, Pathfinder. You've been lucky so far. You don't know what it's like to lose a friend, or to know that your actions will get people killed."
She bit back the urge to remind him that she'd lost her father and nearly lost her brother. Instead, she carefully considered her words and tried to think diplomatically - a bad habit she'd picked up since becoming Pathfinder. "I understand," she said slowly. "If that works for you, then fine. But I like to know the people who I trust to have my back. Any one of my crew would lay down their lives for mine."
"Fair enough," he turned away from her, towards the bar, but nothing in his voice indicated that he was agreeing with her. "Let's say you're not asking one of them to die to save your life. You're asking one of them to put themselves in a situation where they are definitely going to die, in order to protect a group of civilians they've never met. Confident you'd get the same response?"
Ryder opened her mouth to speak and then closed it, trying to imagine Peebee or Vetra laying down their lives for strangers. There's no way in hell, she thought to herself.
Reading her hesitation correctly, Evfra smirked and took a deep swig of the drink in front of him. When he spoke again, his voice was smug. "That's the difference between you and me, Ryder. Your people would lay down their lives for you, but don't fool yourself into thinking they give a damn about the Initiative. I train soldiers, not hobbyists. My people would do anything for me, and our cause. They don't need a friend - they need a leader."
If there was one thing Sara hated, it was being so easily proven wrong. But there was something almost admirable in the way he spoke of the angara under his command, the pride so evident in his voice. Something strangely attractive, a kind of rugged allure that she couldn't quite understand.
Sara blinked as she catalogued the thoughts racing through her mind. Damn it. Haven't even started drinking and I'm daydreaming like an idiot. She took a wary sip of the drink, which tasted surprisingly delicious. A thought occurred to her.
"Hey, what makes you think you know my squad so well?" she asked. "You haven't even spoken to them outside of Jaal. Is he the one who's told you so much about them?"
Evfra scoffed. "Jaal's not exactly a great judge of character. Haven't you noticed? His reports about your crew were essentially useless, just gushing testimonials."
Feeling a sudden surge of appreciation for her teammate, she asked, "Then what makes you think you know any of them?"
"Two things, Ryder. Intuition and word of mouth. You've built quite a reputation for yourself so far, but you're not the only one - every angara on every outpost is watching you and the people you bring with you. You learn a lot through what they have to say."
"And the other part?" she asked, intrigued. "Intuition, you said? What are you, some kind of expert at reading people?"
He hesitated, as though he wasn't sure if he should let her know exactly how much he knew about them - or how closely he'd been watching. "I have to be. I need to know which soldiers I can trust, and I need to know quickly - I can pick up how capable my people are after speaking to them for five minutes, or watching them fight. I've seen vids of your team in action, and learned everything I need to know about them."
"Now you've piqued my interest," she took a longer sip of her drink and turned her whole body to face him. "Tell me what you know, or what you think you know, about my crew. I'm very interested to find out if you're as good as you think you are."
She threw in that last bit to challenge him a little, guessing that he was the type of man who wouldn't back down. True enough, any caution he'd had seemed to evaporate - and the drink he'd been rapidly emptying likely didn't hurt her cause. "
Alright," he began, a smile playing at the corner of his lips. "The very large one - the krogan - I'd be willing to bet he's very old, and very battle-hardened. I've seen vids of him in action, security footage across our outposts, and he has a methodical grace in battle. You only see that in older veterans."
"I think that's the first time anyone's described Drack as graceful, I'll be sure to let him know," she said. "But that's pretty easy. Come on then, I know you can do better."
She wonders if the last bit is laying it on too thick, but Evfra doesn't seem to notice. "The one you call Peebee - I've been told she spends most of her time on Aya in the repository, or drinking. In combat she moves erratically, attacking from a distance, but you can spot the errors in her form very easily - and she wears no armor. I'm guessing she's no seasoned warrior - maybe a scientist, or a student. Either way, not my first choice to bring into a fight, but to each their own."
"Very good," she makes sure to indulge him a little, and she can almost see him puffing up in response to her praise. There was a satisfied expression playing across his face, as though he was glad to have proven how clever he is, and Ryder decided that a more difficult challenge was in order. "Tell me about Vetra, my turian crew mate. What do you think?"
"Ah, you thought she'd be difficult?" he sounded so self-satisfied she nearly rolled her eyes. "She is the easiest of all. She watches you like a hawk, constantly hovering around you and coming to your aide, even if it's unnecessary. She will jeopardize her own position to cover yours every time. She is most definitely the maternal type, yes? But no mother would jeopardize their own safety so recklessly. There is someone else - a brother, or a sister, perhaps - who she takes care of. And she loves you, in a similar way."
Ryder takes a moment to process everything he's said. "There's no way," she said slowly. "No way you can tell all that just by watching us fight. You've read her personnel file."
"What makes you think I'd have access to that?" Maybe it was just her imagination, but the smirk across his face seemed to be growing. This was the most she'd ever seen the man smile before, and of course it was at her expense. "I haven't read your personnel file either, but I know everything about you."
She hadn't really wanted to hear this - his interpretation of her was likely to be unflattering. Nothing about their previous interactions suggested that he saw her as anything but a reckless subordinate who was thrust into a position of power she hadn't deserved. Deep down, she was frightened that he might tell her that to her face, invalidating her past successes as the result of luck and the skill of her team. But it was clear that Evfra, who may or may not be slightly intoxicated, was going to barrel ahead and let her know what he thought of her regardless.
"You're reckless in battle. You use your abilities - biotics, you call them? You use them to get close to your enemies and shotgun them away. You have no defensive abilities, and you charge ahead without communicating to your team. In short, you are a reckless leader in combat, taking risks unnecessarily. Call it youthful arrogance, or misplaced affection."
The criticism had been exactly what she expected, but his last sentence surprised her. "What do you mean, misplaced affection?"
He looked at her as though the meaning was obvious. "You love them. It's written across your face, and across the way you move in battle. The way you rush forward and engage first, no matter what the situation. You take pains to ensure that you bear the brunt of damage. Everything you do for them to ensure you have their loyalty - you are no commander, Ryder. You're a good leader, but you wear your heart on your sleeve in every battle, and one of these days, you'll get hurt."
Reeling from his words and the almost tender way he had articulated his assessment, Ryder was stunned into silence. This was something she certainly hadn't expected from him - for a moment, it almost sounded like a compliment. "So you're saying I'm good?" she asked hesitantly, curious now.
He sighed. "I'm saying you're good, but that you won't last. What happens when one of them dies? You'll be heartbroken. You won't know how to go on. You think you can protect them forever, and it's admirable, but inevitably naive. To be honest, you remind me of the way I was, before...everything."
The smug bastard who she had been speaking to five minutes ago seemed to be replaced with someone else, and in that moment Ryder could see the weight of command as well as the trauma of what he had endured. He had to know that Jaal had told her about his family being kidnapped by the kett, but somehow Sara realized that comforting him and letting him know that she knew might embarrass or upset him more than it would make him feel better. She resisted the sudden impulse she felt to put an arm around him.
They sat in silence for a moment, his eyes trained on his drink. As she wracked her brain looking for something more casual to say, he interrupted her. "Anyways, it doesn't matter. My past is long behind me...all I can do is give the next generation a better future."
"And you can't make the hard choices when you're emotionally invested." She couldn't imagine the pain he'd gone through, but she could understand why he was so insufferable. "So you keep everyone at arm's length."
He lifted his glass in a mocking toast. "Congratulations, Ryder. You've figured me out."
They said nothing for a moment, both polishing off their respective drinks. Her cheeks were warm, and she wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol or just being so physically close to him. Or the fact that their conversation had become a lot more personal than she'd ever expect from the Resistance Leader.
"Evfra," she began cautiously. "If you ever want someone to talk to...you can vent to me."
She'd expected him to laugh in her face, but his expression was forlorn. "Really? What would you know about any of the decisions I have to make?"
"Nothing," she admitted. "I can't pretend to know what you struggle with. I'm not saying that I'll relate, but I'm saying that I can listen."
She considered going on, but stopped herself. She felt like she was walking a thin line, and realized that he could easily throw the offer back in her face if he felt like it was coming from a place of pity. In truth, she could sense that Evfra was a man who shouldered many burdens, and had been doing so alone for a long time.
She had been lucky: she had Scott to confide in, Peebee to laugh with, Vetra and Liam to vent to, and a whole crew willing to lend her an ear whenever. Evfra, it seemed, had no one.
She expected him to make a sarcastic remark. Instead, he surprised her yet again.
He nodded slightly, and turned back to his drink. They finished in silence, shoulder to shoulder. She wondered if she had spoiled everything, made it awkward.
When he finally moved away from her to get up, she was startled. Was he just going to wordlessly walk back to Resistance HQ, with not even a goodbye? Had she offended him that much?
"Ryder."
He stood by the stool, arms crossed over his chest.
"Thank you. The Aayaan was not...altogether unpleasant."
She was shocked. This was the closest he'd gotten to a compliment, and she understood it was his way of saying he'd enjoyed spending time with her.
"The next time you come to Aya, stop by Resistance HQ. I'd like to discuss tactical deployments for your military that could assist the Resistance."
"Of course," she said. "Although...if you want to talk business, we could just do a vidcall."
"No. I think it would be good - for optics - to have my people see you more often."
She read between the lines, and smiled. "Of course, for the optics. Well...I suppose I could make another trip to Aya in...hmm, a week or so?"
"Good," he grunted. He seemed pleased, but not in his usual smug way - almost as if he was relieved that she accepted his offer. And with that, he turned on his heel and walked away, and Sara was left at the bar with a goofy grin spreading across her face.
It wasn't a date, not by a long shot. But it was a start.