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all bright lights
Several years after their first meeting, Mark tells Donghyuck about what it was like walking into the sun.
“You were nothing like how I thought you’d be.”
And Donghyuck doesn’t doubt it.
When 13-year-old Donghyuck first enters the SM practice room, he is met with silence, safe for a few quiet whispers here and there. He’s a child prodigy - he hears them say, but he wasn’t quite sure what that meant.
The staff asks him to introduce himself, and so he does. He sings the chorus of his favourite song, darting his eyes around the room in an attempt to avoid looking at the wide-eyed trainees staring back at him.
He’s amazing - he hears them talk - he came through the Saturday open. He bows his head when he finishes singing, and everyone applauds him. But the whispering doesn’t stop - I heard the CEO approved of his arrival personally.
Donghyuck tries to ignore the quickening pace of his heart as he roams the corners of the practice room. He places his bag on one of the benches and scans the room, looking for something to occupy himself with.
“Make sure to make good friends,” his mother had said before he left, “good friends can get you through anything.”
Donghyuck looks into the grimy practice room mirror and spots the reflection of a young boy. He looks to his left and recognizes the boy as one of the many faces watching him sing just now. He couldn’t be that much older than Donghyuck, nor that much taller.
Donghyuck takes a closer look at the boy. His red cap sits sideways on his head, and his shoes look like they’re two sizes too big for his feet. He looks, well, like a dork - Donghyuck thinks to himself. But he thinks that’s what makes him the most approachable person here, so Donghyuck takes a deep breath in and walks towards him.
“Hello! I’m uh,- Donghyuck. Nice to meet you.” Donghyuck keeps a smile plastered on his face.
The boy looks up at him with sparkly eyes, and his lips curl up into a hesitant smile.
“Hi Donghyuck, I’m Mark. It’s nice to meet you too!”
There was nothing out of the ordinary about how they met. No meet-cute, no flirting, nothing. But looking back at it now, Donghyuck wonders how nobody noticed the universe shift over their heads. Two stars, fated to meet, colliding with a force so strong that Donghyuck forgets how to breathe. You would have thought someone would’ve noticed.
“What did you think I was gonna be like?”
“I don’t know, really. I guess,” Mark tries to gather his thoughts, “I guess I didn’t think you’d be so warm.”
But as he talks to Mark now, he thinks maybe they were the only two in that room who saw it coming.
there’s just something about you
Mark and Donghyuck. Two names that, on their own, are perfectly fine. But once Taeyong says- Mark and Donghyuck are coming-, it's rarely a positive reaction that follows. It's usually just teasing, but everyone knows that Mark and Donghyuck are a dangerous pair.
Both are almost opposites of each other, they drive each other up the wall, while simultaneously bringing out each other's emotions tenfold.
So when both are excited, they're really excited, jumping around the practice room together when they heard they'd be getting a pre-debut performance. And when they're angry, the room goes red, and everyone around them knows not to interfere. And when they're happy, content with each other, the whole room lets out a sigh of relief. Because that's when both of them are the calmest, the most relaxed, the quietest.
But no matter what mood they're in, one thing stays the same, they never leave each other's sight for too long. No matter how annoyed one is at the other, no matter what they fought about, Donghyuck looks for Mark just like Mark looks for Donghyuck.
And the rest of the trainees watch, like they’re observing a psychological mystery. Why do two people, who say they hate each other, stay stuck together for the better half of every day?
Mark and Donghyuck don't have an answer to this question, either. But Donghyuck thinks they've got a pretty good system going. You can say you hate me all you want, but I know you don't.
"Hyuck seriously, get out of my room."
Mark half-heartedly tries to nudge Donghyuck off his single-sized bed.
"Shut up, I know you like the fault in our stars."
Donghyuck leans his head on Mark's shoulder, only for Mark to nudge him off again.
"We've watched this movie twice now," Mark complains, "and anyway, it's not the movie that's the problem, it's you."
They've been through this before. Donghyuck knows that with enough persistence - and copious amounts of whining- he will get his way.
"C'mon Mark, can't I watch a movie with my best friend without being pushed off his bed?"
Mark scoffs at this, "best friend my ass."
Donghyuck, being Donghyuck, is usually prepared for any comeback or snarky comment thrown his way. Although, whether he wants to admit it or not, this one caught him by surprise.
He's not hurt, not exactly. They never outright said they were best friends, nor did they say they were even friends in the first place, for that matter. So he guesses he's not hurt, but he does feel a weird pang in his heart.
Donghyuck tries not to dwell on it, but he thinks the feeling - whatever feeling it is - is showing on his face. The playful fire in Mark's eyes seems to have been put out, replaced by something softer and lighter.
He doesn't exactly know where to place Mark's reaction. Pity? Regret? Maybe both? He considers asking but doesn't know if he wants to know the answer.
Before he can say anything, though, Mark is leaning forward and setting up his laptop on the edge of his bed.
Wordlessly, Mark scoots back to where Donghyuck is resting and slumps down next to him, pulling up his blanket and covering both himself and Donghyuck.
He then brings the computer up to his knees and rests it there, looks to Donghyuck, and asks "You sure you wanna watch this movie again? We can watch something else, you know."
Donghyuck pulls his lips into a tight smile, "I like this movie."
Mark smiles back and whispers a soft okay before pressing the play button.
all lights go out
When 15-year-old Donghyuck first comes out as gay, nobody really batted an eye - Proud of you, kid- they’d said.
He remembers Johnny and Doyoung, unsure of how to show their support, buying him a rainbow ice-cream cake for supper that night. It was corny, but he appreciated it nonetheless.
That night, Donghyuck retired to his room at 1 in the morning after obliterating Jaehyun and Johnny at Mario Kart. When he enters his room, he doesn’t expect to see Mark hunched over, sitting on the side of his bed.
“Mark?” Donghyuck takes a step towards him, “how long have you been in here?”
“Not long.”
Mark bows his head and stares at the floorboard. Donghyuck can tell that something is wrong, but can’t tell what exactly that something is.
“Did you - uh,” he hesitates, “did you come here for something?”
Everything pauses for a while, Mark looks like he’s stopped breathing. He’s nervous- Donghyuck’s brain supplies him.
“You never told me you were-, you know…” Donghyuck decides to wait for Mark to finish his sentence, “I didn’t know you were gay.”
“Was I supposed to tell you?”
Mark looks up, eyes darting from the floor to Donghyuck’s eyes, then back to the floor again.
“No, I just,- I don't know, Hyuck.”
And there it is, the kicker. The punchline.
“What do you mean ‘you don’t know’ ?”
Donghyuck doesn’t want to raise his voice, but he can’t help it.
“I just didn’t see it coming,” Mark fumbles with his words, “I didn’t know you would be -, like that.”
Except the punchline doesn’t make Donghyuck laugh.
“Do you have a problem with me being like that?”
Mark stands up and reaches his arms out, but makes no attempt to hold onto him.
“No, I didn’t say that- I just,” Donghyuck’s chest feels heavy, “we’ve cuddled, and stuff? And the whole time, you were-"
It’s not funny. It hurts.
“So if you knew I was gay, you wouldn’t have done it?”
Donghyuck can’t tell if he wants to cry or laugh hysterically.
“I don't know?”
It’s too much.
“Get out of my room, Mark.”
That night, 15-year-old Donghyuck cries until 2:30 in the morning, before his brain betrays him and his eyelids start to feel heavy. He falls asleep, and all the lights in the universe start to diminish.
when he shines, he shines bright
19-year-old Donghyuck finds it funny, now that he thinks about it. All that drama, and for what? He’d end up here all the same.
“What are you smiling at?” Mark looks down at him.
“Doesn’t matter,” he directs his smile at Mark this time.
Mark raises a brow, “then perhaps you’d like to - uh, continue?”
Donghyuck laughs, and leans into Mark’s thigh, “impatient, are we?”
“Can’t help it,” Mark throws his head back a little when Donghyuck mouths directly on his crotch, “you look so fucking good right now.”
Donghyuck hums.
He knows he looks good. He and Mark haven’t been doing this for long, but they’ve known each other long enough for him to know how to push Mark’s buttons.
So - as slowly as humanly possible - Donghyuck brings Mark’s jean zipper down with his teeth. As expected, Mark groans above him in annoyance.
“Could you go any slower?” Mark breathes out sarcastically as Donghyuck unbuttons his jeans and maneuvers his cock out of his boxers.
“I could, actually.” Donghyuck gingerly wraps his hand around the base of Mark’s cock and Mark lets out a hiss.
He lets his hand sit there for a while, before gently squeezing and slowly bringing his hand from the base to the head of Mark’s cock. He looks up to watch Mark arch his back, keening.
Beautiful - Donghyuck thinks, slightly delirious.
Donghyuck has been on his knees for the last 5 minutes now, he can tell because he's starting to feel a dull ache on his knees. But he figures that's the price he pays to have Mark's dick this close to his face.
So Donghyuck ignores it, in favour of swiping his thumb under the head of Mark's cock. This time, Donghyuck gets a half-broken moan out of his partner.
The sound fills the room and almost distracts Donghyuck from the task at hand, but he quickly sets his head on straight, more concerned about getting Mark to make more of those beautiful sounds.
So he swipes his thumb over the slit of Mark's dick once, twice, three times and is rewarded by another broken moan.
"Please, Hyuck, just -," Mark's hands find purchase on the wall behind him.
Normally, Donghyuck would either give it another 10 minutes before he gives in, or he'd wait for Mark to snap and take control. Both are things Donghyuck enjoys, but tonight he feels different.
He knows that very soon Mark will be going off to the US with the rest of Super M for their tour, and he has no idea how he's going to handle being away from Mark for so long. It's not that they haven't been away from each other for long periods of time, but this is different. This time he's not saying goodbye to his best friend Mark, but his boyfriend Mark. The realization makes Donghyuck pause.
"Hyuck? You alright?" He hears Mark ask, feels a hand come under his chin and his head goes limp as he lets Mark guide him.
He meets Mark's eyes, can see the desperation in them, but he appreciates Mark's attempt at controlling himself. Donghyuck smiles up at Mark and nods his head, I'm fine - he doesn't say, but thinks Mark understands anyway.
Donghyuck has always been good at switching the mood of any room to fit his agenda, and with Mark, it always works in his favour. With Mark's hand still on his chin, worried eyes looking down at him, Donghyuck wraps his lips around Mark's cock and goes down as far as he can go. He stops a little more than mid-way down Mark's shaft before he looks up to catch Mark's reaction.
Mark looks like he's a mixture of shocked and relieved, his eyes are wide and his mouth agape as he throws his head back.
"Jesus, fuck-"
Unsatisfied by his own performance, Donghyuck lifts off of Mark's dick and takes a deep, preparatory breath. Mark catches on and brings his hand to the back of Donghyuck’s head, gently tugging on his hair just like he likes it. So Donghyuck dives in, takes Mark all the way, lips reaching the base of his cock. Mark lets out a guttural moan.
Donghyuck tries not to move from this position, wants to feel Mark's dick on the back of his throat for as long as possible, but it gets harder to breathe the longer he stays. That's what it's like being with Mark - being underwater, holding your breath, just for him to catch you and bring you back to the surface. And that's just what he does.
Mark tugs a little harsher at Donghyuck’s hair, trying to get Donghyuck to come up for air. Donghyuck, breathless, lets himself be pulled off, doesn't realise how badly he needed to breathe till he inhales.
"Breathe, love," Mark whispers as he pets the back of Donghyuck's head to make up for the harsh tug.
He gives Donghyuck time to catch his breath. When Donghyuck's lungs fill with air, he looks up at Mark, eyes filled with renewed fervour. And Mark knows this looks, knows it well, knows he's in for it now. Mark takes a big breath himself, in preparation. Donghyuck smiles up at Mark.
"Ready?"
Before Mark can answer, Donghyuck once again takes a mouthful of Mark's cock, setting a dangerously fast pace.
Donghyuck prides himself on being a quick learner. It took him less than 2 hours to learn all the basics of trigonometry, less than 3 days to learn to play the guitar, and less than 2 months to learn what drives Mark crazy.
He goes down as far as he can, and then flattens his tongue on the underside of Mark's dick, drags his tongue from base to head over and over again.
"Oh-, oh fuck, Hyuck-," Mark sounds so far gone. Donghyuck keeps sucking, bobbing his up and down Mark's cock. "Shit, Hyuck-, you gotta stop, I'm gonna-,"
Donghyuck adapts, focusing his efforts directly onto Mark's cockhead. It requires less movement, so Donghyuck picks up the pace, and feels Mark jerk in his mouth. Donghyuck tastes Mark's pre-cum, realising that Mark is closer than he thought.
Donghyuck would usually have Mark cum in his mouth so that he doesn't have to clean up dried cum afterward. But today, he wants Mark to cum on him, he wants to be marked. He wants to remember how it feels, before Mark leaves in the morning.
Mark's breathing is unsteady, and Donghyuck knows he's not going to last. So he pulls off Mark's dick, quickly replacing his mouth with his hands.
"God, Hyuck, shit!" Mark's full-on moaning now.
"Wanna cum on my face, big boy?" Donghyuck teases.
"Yes, yes, oh my god-," Mark's knees buckle, and Donghyuck does his best to aim Mark's cock towards his face.
"Do it, then."
Mark cums faster than Donghyuck thought he would, feels Mark's cum on his face, and thanks every God in the world that none of it ended up in his eyes. They both catch their breath this time, and realisation dawns on Donghyuck - I'm gonna have to clean this up. Donghyuck sighs.
But then he feels Mark’s hand on his cheek. Donghyuck looks up at his boyfriend, catches the little smug grin on his face, before Mark bends down a little further and places a kiss on Donghyuck’s forehead.
It's worth the clean up - Donghyuck thinks - This is worth everything I have.
two is better than one
Since the incident with Mark, Donghyuck never spoke about his homosexuality ever again. The morning after the night that Mark crushed 15-year-old Donghyuck’s entire being, Mark apologised profusely. He basically begged Donghyuck to forgive him, and Donghyuck, just wanting to go back to normal, agreed to forgive.
It became very obvious to Donghyuck that Mark was still unsure of how to act around him, Mark looked like he was constantly stepping on eggshells whenever Donghyuck touched him. Which is why it came as a surprise to Donghyuck when 18-year-old Mark sat the dreamies down at 12am to tell them “something important”.
"I think I might be bi." Mark refuses to look any of them in the eye.
"That's great, man!" Renjun gets up and pats Mark on the back, and the rest follow suit.
"Our baby Mark is growing up!" Chenle sits down next to Mark and buries his head in the side of Mark's neck, dramatically wiping a fake tear from his eye.
In the chaos that is being with the dreamies, nobody notices Donghyuck sitting there, unmoved. He doesn't know how to feel. He realises, belatedly, that this seems to happen a lot when he's with Mark. Not knowing how to feel. Not knowing why he feels the way he does.
And, as usual, Mark notices first, catches Donghyuck staring at the wall behind him. But then the rest settle down again, Renjun puts an arm around Donghyuck, which snaps him out of whatever trance he was in. And all goes back to normal.
Until around 2am, when their manager looks into the dorm living room and notices Donghyuck and Mark, who definitely do not live there, still in there playing FIFA.
Come on, time to go - a sleepy Donghyuck hears. He then feels his manager gently pull him up by his arm, so he gives the rest a "g'night" as he and Mark get dragged out of the dorm.
The dream dorm isn't far from 127's dorm, but Donghyuck doesn't know how long he can last with Mark, alone, in the van. He knows Mark saw his reaction. To be honest, even if Mark did ask him why he reacted that way, Donghyuck wouldn't have a solid answer to give him.
Fortunately, the car ride was silent, save for the quiet music from the van radio. It's not their usual, comfortable silence, though, which is why Donghyuck feels like he's being caged. The silence is painful, like both of them have so much to say but neither want to go first.
The manager drops them off at the door and tells them to go up and get some rest. They walk up to their apartment door and Donghyuck watches Mark search for the keys. After a little digging, Mark pulls the keys out. He brings his hand forward to put the key into the keyhole, when he pauses.
He stays paused for a couple of seconds, and Donghyuck thinks he can see the gears turning in his head.
Mark turns on his heel to face Donghyuck, "are you mad at me?"
Mark looks expectant, but Donghyuck honestly doesn't know.
"No." He chooses to say.
"Then please talk to me," Donghyuck rarely hears Mark beg for things, especially not when it concerns Donghyuck, "I can't stand not talking to you."
The honesty throws Donghyuck off, "I... God, Mark, I don't know what I'm feeling."
Mark pauses, like he's giving both of them space to think.
"I'm sorry about the things I said, Hyuck."
"That was a long time ago."
"Still..." Mark lets out a sigh, "I think it was just, I don't know... my way of deflecting everything?"
Donghyuck hums in agreement, "could be..."
"I just... never had someone close to me come out before," Mark continues, "I was surprised when you just, said it so easily, that you were gay."
Donghyuck recalls when Mark gifted him a Bible for christmas. Guess it would have been hard for him - Donghyuck thinks.
"I've already forgiven you for that, Mark, it's alright."
"But I haven't really forgiven...myself?" Mark says, "Even after that night, it still felt wrong. Not you, me. What I wanted felt... wrong."
"What did you want?"
Mark shrugs, "I don't know."
And once again there's silence. Donghyuck almost forgot that they've been standing in the hallway outside of their apartment, and he thinks Mark starts to notice too, because he moves to put the key into the keyhole.
Mark unlocks the door and both of them shuffle into the dorm as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake the rest up. They chuck off their shoes and make it into the living room, and they stand there for a little while.
Mark turns to walk towards his room. But Donghyuck realises he's not ready for this conversation to be done just yet, so with a sudden surge of confidence, Donghyuck grabs onto Mark's forearm and pulls him back.
Mark yelps, and both of them wait in silence, partly to give Mark time to regain his balance, but mostly to make sure no one wakes up.
"Nothing about how you feel about, you know... guys... is wrong." Donghyuck says, hopes he's getting his message across, "it's okay to like men."
"Thank you, Hyuck." Mark smiles and Donghyuck thinks he might melt, "I'm sorry I took it out on you."
And that's how the night ends. Mark tells 127 not too long after, and the boys huddle into a group hug before going on with the rest of their day. But even after their talk, the weird knot in Donghyuck’s heart doesn’t go away.
In fact, it feels like it gets tighter and tighter every time he’s with Mark. But Donghyuck doesn’t want to acknowledge it. He decides that he’ll sit on the feeling, till he grows numb and he stops feeling it. And it works.
until it doesn’t
To Donghyuck’s credit, it worked for a very long time. Donghyuck consciously decided that, if he didn’t think about it, it would go away. Donghyuck thinks he read it online once, your brain is the most powerful tool you have, and it is yours to control.
“So, what, your feelings for Mark will just...stop?” Renjun’s half listening to Donghyuck, half cleaning up the kitchen counter.
“Yup,” Donghyuck replies proudly, “ I just have to tell myself to stop, and one day my brain will stop for me.”
“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Renjun turns on the tap and begins washing the dishes, “I think you’re giving your brain a little too much credit.”
“Hey, my brain is incredibly powerful.”
Renjun sighs, knowing it’s best to just let Donghyuck have it.
“Aren’t you afraid you’ll, like, develop a pavlovian response to Mark?”
“Even better,” Donghyuck sits on the counter, “maybe I’ll condition myself to run away when he’s within a 1 metre radius from me.”
Renjun snickers, “if it works let me know, I’ve been trying to get away from you for years.”
And so Donghyuck tries. Donghyuck tries his best to ignore Mark’s hearty laugh when someone makes a joke, tries to ignore the stars in his eyes when he talks about the lyrics he’s working on, tries to ignore when he strokes the nape of Donghyuck’s neck and smiles at him.
He’s just a friend - Donghyuck tells himself - you like him as a friend.
It worked for years. Around 5 years, to be exact. Even Renjun acknowledged Donghyuck’s incredible feat.
Which is why Donghyuck has no idea how he got into the situation he’s found himself in right now.
5 minutes ago, 18-year-old Donghyuck sat down on the couch next to Mark. He, as per usual, leans into Mark’s shoulders and asks him what he’s watching. Mark utters something in response, probably the movie title, but it’s in English. Donghyuck doesn’t bother asking Mark to repeat himself, instead moving downwards to rest his head on Mark’s thigh.
“Mark,” Donghyuck says quietly. He doesn’t get a response, so he says it again “Mark.”
He knows Mark can hear him, he’s simply choosing not to answer.
“Mark if you don’t reply I’m going to turn off the TV.”
Mark chuckles, “You don’t know how to turn it off, Hyuck.”
At this, Donghyuck whips his head up and out of Mark’s lap.
“Yes I do, Yuta taught me how to yesterday,” and so Donghyuck frenzies around trying to find the remote.
Once he finds it, he aims it towards the TV and, “Wait, it's the second button from the top, right?”
He fiddles with the remote, “No… yes? I’m pretty sure it was?”
Upon further inspection, perhaps Donghyuck doesn’t know how to turn the TV off.
“Mark, my guy, you could just put me out of my misery right now and reply to me.”
“I have been replying to you, though?” At this, Donghyuck sags his shoulders and pouts.
Mark giggles. He giggles.
“God, Hyuck, you’re so cute,” Mark pets the back of Donghyuck’s head.
And that’s how Donghyuck ended up here. Blanked out, wondering why the alarms in his brain aren’t going off as per usual.
He thinks I’m cute? That’s new. Donghyuck can feel his cheeks burning and instinctively turns away from Mark.
If I don't think about it, it’s not there.
But, oh, it’s still very much there. Mark hasn’t stopped petting him. In fact, he’s now actively playing with the strands of Donghyuck’s hair.
“Hyuck, look at me,” Mark says softly , “your hair is a mess.”
It worked for so long, Donghyuck thinks to himself, why isn’t it working now?
Donghyuck decides that maybe if he acts normal, Mark won’t notice. So he looks up, hoping the low light means Mark can’t see the redness in his cheeks.
Mark pushes a few stray strands back, eyebrows scrunched up as he focuses on styling Donghyucks hair.
He’s your best friend.
Donghyuck looks into Mark’s eyes. Mark isn’t looking back, of course, too focused on fixing his hair.
Don’t do anything stupid.
It seems Mark is done, because his eyebrows relax and he pulls his head back a little to admire his work. His lips pull into a small, satisfied smile.
You don’t like him like that.
“Yo, I think I should have been a hairstylist.” Mark says proudly.
Donghyuck doesn’t reply. Mark notices the silence.
Stop looking at him like that.
And then Mark brings his eyes down, stares straight back into Donghyuck’s eyes. It seems that Mark has only now realised that Donghyuck has been staring at him the whole time.
“Hyuck?” Mark doesn’t break eye contact, “you alright?”
Mark looks worried. No, he looks… confused? Donghyuck can’t tell.
He’s gonna catch on.
And then it’s all too loud. The alarms go off in Donghyuck’s head, all at once. Like they had been silenced for too long. Donghyuck feels the panic coursing through his body. It’s nothing like he’s ever felt before.
Run away.
He feels Mark tapping his arm, like he’s trying to wake Donghyuck up from sleep, or whatever nightmare situation he’s in right now.
Run
Donghyuck doesn’t know that he’s standing up until he feels Mark trying to pull him back. He feels himself taking steps back. He feels his legs moving.
He’s running away.
light me up, make me burn
“You trying to run away, love?” Mark chuckles tauntingly. On any other occasion, Donghyuck would spit something sarcastic back at him. Mark is well aware that Donghyuck won’t be running anywhere any time soon.
Because right now, Donghyuck is fully naked, wrists and ankles laced with rope, attached to the hooks on Mark’s wall.
Donghyuck remembers how embarrassing it was for Mark to explain to their manager why they needed four metal hooks attached to the wall. It’s for my bags, he’d said. Donghyuck’s sure that Mark has yet to use the hooks for any of his bags.
Donghyuck squirms, moving his wrists and ankles around in a struggle to escape. He’s instead met with rope digging insistently into his skin. Dripping in frustration, Donghyuck lifts his head and glares daggers into Mark.
And Mark looks straight back at him, looking on in amusement.
“The hooks are pretty sturdy, huh?” Mark walks towards Donghyuck and tugs at the rope, “I guess we picked the right ones.”
The indifference in Mark’s voice shouldn’t turn Donghyuck on as much as it does. Mark steps back and grabs his phone from his bed, bringing the phone closer to his face.
“It’s only been 10 minutes, Hyuck.” Mark tosses his phone back onto the bed and walks towards Donghyuck, “you’re not an amateur, are you?”
Anger bubbles in Donghyuck’s chest, he wants to bite back so badly. But then his cock twitches, against his will, and Mark scoffs.
And then, without warning, Mark swipes his thumb on the underside of Donghyuck’s cockhead, slowing down as he reaches the slit.
“Fuck, Mark-” Donghyuck’s body jerks at the sudden touch, head hung in shame.
“Pathetic,” Mark traces his index finger down Donghyuck’s cock, “what happened to all that confidence you had, baby?”
Donghyuck remembers. You don’t scare me, Mark. At the time, he had relished in Mark’s reaction. I could go on for hours and you know it. He makes a mental note to never challenge Mark again.
Mark’s finger reaches the base of Donghyuck’s cock. He wraps his hand around the base and brings his hand back up to the head, slowly tightening his hold as he goes up. When he reaches the head again, more pre-cum begins to trickle out and drip to the floor.
“You’re making such a mess,” Mark comments.
Donghyuck let’s Mark trail his fingers down his cock a couple more times, breath hitching everytime he feels a finger playing with his tip.
Mark is mean. Donghyuck knows this. Normal, everyday Mark is one of the nicest guys Donghyuck has ever met, but when it’s just the two of them like this? Mark changes, absorbed into a headspace that Donghyuck seeks and fears at the same time.
Mark reaches for the bottle of lube and squeezes more onto his fingers and his palm. He spreads the lube evenly across his palm, and the squelching sound fills Donghyuck’s ears.
Without hesitation, Mark goes right back to business, gripping Donghyuck’s cock firmly in his hand. Donghyuck’s whole body jerks in response, still sensitive from the last few denied orgasms.
But Mark jerks him off for real this time, putting more strength into the upstroke as he sets a slow but steady pace. It worries and excites Donghyuck that Mark hasn’t touched himself once, despite the obvious bulge in his shorts, still fully-clothed.
Donghyuck, on the other hand, has long abandoned his pride, letting out a wail so loud that he’s sure the next block heard it.
“Mark please, I can’t fucking-” Donghyuck pants.
“You can’t what, baby?”
“Oh - oh god Mark-,” Donghyuck’s hand scramble to grab onto the rope, “I can’t hold it- oh fuck- I can’t- I can’t, please”
Donghyuck is now clawing at the rope attached to his wrists, trying to find literally anything, any sensation to distract him from Mark's insistent hand on his cock.
And as if to take pity on him, Mark lets go. But as the haze in his brain clears up after being denied yet another orgasm, Donghyuck realizes that it was anything but pity.
“Mark,”
“Hm?”
“Please,”
“Please what?”
Donghyuck doesn’t even remember what he’s begging for anymore, has to take a moment to recollect his thoughts. He swallows and speaks.
“Touch me, please-”
“I have been, though?”
Mark turns back to glance at Donghyuck, and Donghyuck belatedly realizes that Mark has been coating his fingers in lube.
Donghyuck whines, and Mark replies in an exasperated sigh as he drops the lube bottle onto the bed.
“So ungrateful,” Mark tuts, “you should be thanking me.”
“Mark,”
Mark scoffs, “and to think I actually believed that you’d last longer than 30 minutes.”
Sometimes Donghyuck says things for the sake of saying them. Donghyuck is witty, but when he’s put in a situation where he feels he’s unheard, he makes sure you hear him.
Donghyuck doesn’t register the words that come out of his mouth until he’s already said them.
“Fuck off.”
Shit.
Silence.
Usually, this would earn him a slap, or a spank, or literally any other ungodly punishment Mark can think up. Donghyuck tenses up in fear.
But Mark doesn’t say anything, doesn’t glare at him, doesn’t hit him, nothing. He thinks he’s gotten away with it, and closes his eyes in relief.
That is, until Donghyuck is greeted with a cold finger rubbing circles around his rim. And then it’s two fingers, prodding at his entrance.
And then without warning, or any prior preparations, both of Mark’s fingers enter his hole.
Donghyuck tries his best to relax into it, letting go of a breath he didn’t realise he had been holding. Thankfully, Mark seems to be feeling kind, letting Donghyuck adjust to the change in pressure.
The kindness doesn’t last for long, though. Mark seems to completely forgo the idea of foreplay, immediately curling his fingers in search of Donghyuck’s prostate.
And when he finds it, Donghyuck opens his mouth in a silent scream, back arching off the wall in another fruitless attempt to escape Mark’s fingers.
“Here I am,” Mark’s voice sounds so distant, “putting in all this effort,”
Mark starts moving his fingers again, mercilessly toying with the small ball of nerves. Donghyuck screams.
“To tie you up, to get you off…”
“Mark,”
“And the only thanks I get is a ‘fuck off’?”
“Mark please-“
“And not a single fucking apology since.”
“Mark, I’m sorry- I’m-“ Donghyuck feels a hand wrap around his cock, “fuck- oh god- I’m so sorry- please please please Mark-“
“You’re only sorry when you want something.”
“No, no - no please,”
Mark twists his hand around the tip of Donghyuck’s cock, and Donghyuck lolls his head back, feeling another pathetic load of pre-cum trickle out.
The fingers inside Donghyuck haven’t let up, either. Mark’s always been good at multitasking, much to Donghyuck’s dismay (or pleasure).
“You’re getting close again, hm?”
“Yes, yes - faster, please - Mark I can’t -“
Mark opens his mouth to say something, and then all the sounds in the room are interrupted.
Donghyuck’s brain tries to center itself.
Mark’s phone is ringing.
Donghyuck picks his head up to stare at the phone on his bed, and doesn’t think much of it until his horny monkey brain realises that Mark has to deny him another orgasm to go check it.
Donghyuck’s head pounds.
“Mark, no - please, wanna cum so bad -”
Mark raises an eyebrow.
“You were pretty adamant about me fucking off just now.”
Donghyuck doesn’t know what he’s saying anymore, a litany of no’s and please’s and Mark’s spilling past his lips.
And then Mark looks him dead in the eyes and smiles a godless smile. And then Donghyuck knows it’s over. He’s lost.
Mark removes his hands from Donghyuck, and rubs the excess lube on Donghyuck’s thigh.
Donghyuck lets out a high whine as he feels the knot in his tummy slowly going away. His hole clenches around nothing as he tries to steady his staggered breaths.
As Mark walks over to the bed to pick up his phone, he grins.
“It’s been 30 minutes.”
Donghyuck can’t remember the last time he’s been this happy about an alarm. He lets out a sigh of relief.
“Congratulations.” Mark smiles, but there’s no kindness behind it.
Mark looks like he’s about to start another round, as he starts lubing his fingers up again. Donghyuck keeps his head hung in exhaustion, his body starting to ache a little.
Then, the squelching of the lube Mark’s hands stops and the room goes silent. Donghyuck, confused by the sudden silence, flicks his eyes up, slowly bringing his head up as well. Mark has stopped moving.
The Mark that he sees is completely different from the one he’d just been tortured by for the past 30 minutes. But it’s familiar. It’s the Mark that buys Donghyuck kimchi jiggae even though he’s sick of it, the Mark that plays the guitar for Donghyuck even when it hurts his fingers. The Mark that reminds him of a simpler time.
“Hyuck?”
Donghyuck brings himself out of his thoughts.
“Hm?”
“You feeling okay?”
He can feel Mark’s breath on his cheeks, a hand on his waist. Donghyuck doesn’t know when Mark got this close to his face.
”Yes, Mark please.”
“Okay, okay baby. I got you.”
Mark presses a chaste kiss on Donghyuck’s lips. And then eases two not-so-chaste fingers back into Donghyuck’s hole. They slip in easily.
Once again, the fingers move around until they find his prostate, and Donghyuck is, once again, rendered useless.
His prostate feels so abused, it hurts almost as much as it gives. Donghyuck writhes and wriggles around as much as the rope allows him to, head thrown back in pleasure, loud moans bouncing from one wall to another. Until all you can hear is the sound of Donghyuck screams.
And then they begin.
The last thing Donghyuck remembers is Mark sinking to his knees. Once Donghyuck realises what’s happening, it was already too late.
First, it’s the heat. The feeling of the tip of his cock engulfed in Mark’s warm, damp mouth is overwhelming. It takes over all his senses, his vision starts blurring and his ears are ringing.
Then, Mark swipes his tongue on the underside of Donghyuck’s cockhead, toying with the slit. Any sound Donghyuck attempted to make comes out broken.
Lastly, with his tongue flat and jutted out a little, Mark takes a deep breath in and sinks down. Donghyuck let’s out the loudest sob he’s ever made.
“Holy shit, fuck-“
Another slew of curses escape Donghyuck’s lips as Mark comes back up, and then sinks back down again.
“Please Mark, I’m not gonna - fuck -, I’m not gonna last,”
Mark hums around his cock in agreement, and Donghyuck keens at the vibration. After what feels like forever, Mark finally comes up for a breath of air.
Donghyuck tries to steady his breath as well, but it seems Mark has other plans. He feels the fingers inside him curl again, and Donghyuck lets out a pained moan as Mark abuses his already abused prostate.
And then Mark takes his cock back into his mouth and sucks. Hard.
Donghyuck wonders if heaven can hear him when he screams. He wants God and all his angels to know that the kind, dorky, Christian boy they’ve sent to earth is currently sucking the soul out of him. He wants them to know that from now on, the only God Donghyuck will worship is the one on his knees in front of him right now.
“Mark, I’m gonna cum - please -“
Mark looks up at him as he bobs his head up and down on Donghyuck’s cock. Donghyuck squeezes his eyes shut.
“Oh god, oh god - oh!”
Mark swallows. It’s over.
Everything goes white. His body shakes as it jerks off the wall, hands scrunched up into a fist, toes curled.
Donghyuck thinks he feels years of tension get released into Mark’s mouth, as the last spurts of cum shoot directly down his throat.
And when it’s done, he lets go of everything, feels his body go limp. The rope tugs at his wrists and Donghyuck lets out a quiet whine.
The pain doesn’t last for long, though. He feels the heat of Mark’s body next to him, feels Mark’s hand on his waist as Mark straightens him out.
Donghyuck must be coming in and out of consciousness at this point, because when he finally comes to his senses, he’s already completely untied, standing in Mark’s arms.
Mark is whispering soft praises into Donghyuck’s hair as he rubs his back soothingly, slowly leading both of them into bed.
“Such a good boy, Donghyuck. You did so well for me.”
Donghyuck sits on the bed, lets Mark maneuver him onto the pillows. Once Donghyuck is lying down, Mark sits up and pulls the blanket over the both of them, leaving his hand over Donghyuck’s waist.
“Mark.”
“Hm?”
“You didn’t cum.”
Mark blinks at him.
“It’s alright baby, you made me feel good anyway.”
Donghyuck let’s the words sink in.
“Mark.”
“Hm?”
“Thank you.”
Mark smiles. This time, it’s bright and genuine. Hopeful.
“Thank you, too,” Mark leans in and places a kiss on Donghyuck’s forehead, “get some rest, my love.”
And Donghyuck sleeps, warm, happy, and loved.
you’re my fuel
Usually when they fight, Taeyong takes the initiative to fix it. And by fixing it, Taeyong means locking them both up in a room and telling them not to come out until they’ve talked it out. It might sound juvenile, but it’s worked countless times, even with the older members.
In typical Donghyuck and Mark fashion, they haven’t talked since Donghyuck basically ran away from Mark. Mark made a few attempts at reaching out, but Donghyuck has avoided him like the plague anytime it’s just the two of them.
“You know the drill. Don’t kill each other, I don’t know how I’d explain that to the managers.”
And with that, Taeyong closes the door behind him, leaving Donghyuck and Mark in their room. Alone.
As expected, the both of them sit in silence, staring at the floor. Donghyuck hears Mark take in a breath, as if to say something, but he stops himself.
Donghyuck looks up expectantly, encouraging Mark to say something. Mark takes in another breath.
“I don’t know what I did wrong.”
Donghyuck doesn’t know what to say. Mark continues.
“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, maybe I was being too touchy? I don’t know,”
Mark’s doing that thing that he does when he’s nervous, rambling to himself.
“I kept thinking about it, I don’t know what I did, Hyuck.”
Mark’s getting flushed, breathing deeper. Almost like he’s, panicking?
“I promise I’ll never do it again, just please tell me what I did wrong.”
Donghyuck feels his heart breaking into a million pieces as he watches Mark berate every action he made that day.
“Was it the movie? If you didn’t like it we could have changed it.”
Mark is tapping his fingers nervously against his thigh. He’s so panicked that he’s fumbling with his Korean, occasionally speaking out English sentences and having to correct himself.
“I’m so sorry, Hyuck. I’ll be better about it next time, I-“
He doesn’t stop, recounting every moment of that night, was it the remote thing? and did you not want me to touch your hair?
“I won’t touch your hair like that anymore if you don’t like it-“
And all this time, Donghyuck stands in front of him in silence, watching the boy he loves apologise over and over for something that isn’t his fault in the first place.
“ - I can teach you how to use the remote if it’s the TV thing, and… and…” Mark sighs.
It seems he’s given up trying to guess what went wrong.
Donghyuck’s breaths are going shallow, he can feel the lump in his throat, his whole body pulsating.
Mark makes a final attempt.
“I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me.”
I could never.
Except he doesn’t say anything. Instead, Donghyuck steps forward until he’s right in front of Mark, and wraps his hand around the back of Mark’s neck.
And then he pulls Mark as close to him as possible and presses his lips against his. Mark’s lips are soft against his. They’re perfect, as is the rest of Mark.
2, 3 seconds pass and Donghyuck lets out a breath as he pulls away. As he does, he looks at Mark.
The way Mark looks at that moment is almost completely foreign to him. He’s wide-eyed, mouth slightly agape, ears red as anything. Completely frozen in place.
Only then does Donghyuck realise what he’s just done.
“Holy shit,” Donghyuck backs up, “holy shit, Mark, I’m so sorry.”
Mark is blinking rapidly like his brain is trying to compute something.
“I shouldn’t have done that, I’m so sorry. Mark please-“
“Do you regret it?”
It comes out soft, Donghyuck almost couldn’t hear him.
Donghyuck is about to ask him what he means by that, but stops himself. Because he already knows the answer.
“No, I don’t.”
Mark nods.
“I am sorry, though,” Donghyuck continues, “for making you uncomfortable.”
It seems it’s his turn to panic.
“I just -, the reason I ran away, that day,”
Mark hasn’t moved an inch.
“I ran away because I was scared.”
“Of what?”
Mark’s voice is barely above a whisper. Donghyuck matches his tone.
“I was scared that you’d realise how badly I wanted to kiss you.”
Mark’s eyes relax, and widen a little. And then he looks up at Donghyuck with a look that Donghyuck couldn’t quite pinpoint.
And then, before Donghyuck’s brain can register it, Mark closes the distance between them, leans in, and kisses Donghyuck.
Donghyuck realises this is the second time today he’s kissed Mark. His heart beats faster, so fast that he’s pretty sure Mark can feel him pulsating.
Donghyuck shakes off the shock in favour of kissing back. It’s uncoordinated, too much spit and too much tongue. But it’s the best kiss Donghyuck has had in his life.
In fact, Donghyuck wonders how he’s survived the last 18 years of his life without kissing Mark.
Mark’s hands have found their way to Donghyuck’s waist, pulling their bodies closer together (which Donghyuck thought was impossible, considering how close they already were).
So naturally, Donghyuck lifts his arms and places them on Mark’s shoulders, tilting his head to the side to give Mark room to work.
They kiss for what seems like forever, until they eventually have to pull away to breathe. By the end of it, both of them are practically heaving, taking in deep breaths and trying to wrap their brains around what just happened.
meeting you was like walking into the sun
Needless to say, Taeyong was shocked to find Mark and Donghyuck out of the room after less than 20 minutes, with Mark’s arm wrapped around Donghyuck’s waist as they prepared sandwiches in the kitchen.
“So uh, everything’s good now?”
Taeyong seemed apprehensive, almost like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. To be fair, the last time Mark and Donghyuck were subject to the lock-them-in-a-room treatment, they’d been in there for 3 hours.
“Yep, all’s good.” Mark chirps over Donghyuck’s shoulder.
Taeyong, now visibly confused, nods and walks away. Donghyuck giggles as Mark presses kisses on his neck, slowly moving towards his shoulder blade.
“You’ve never been this touchy before,” Donghyuck remarks.
Mark hums.
“When we were younger, I used to wonder how you could be so affectionate with me,” Mark admits, “I thought maybe I was the only one with butterflies in my tummy.”
Donghyuck huffs out a little laugh.
“Younger Donghyuck was too much for you, huh?”
“Younger Donghyuck was a little shit.”
“Was?”
Mark smiles and kisses him on the cheek. Donghyuck thinks he could get used to this.
“I don’t know, I always thought people felt this when they were around you,” Mark continues, “turns out it was just me.”
“What did it feel like?” Donghyuck turns around to face Mark, “meeting me?”
Mark looks to the floor.
“It felt like walking into the sun.”
Donghyuck scoffs, because that’s exactly the kind of corny, straight-out-of-a-storybook kind of line that Mark would use.
“And I didn’t know it, at first,” Mark continues, “but the more time I spent with you, the more I realised how bright you were. Almost overwhelmingly so.”
Donghyuck can hear the genuine tilt in his voice.
“You were big and bright and golden.”
Mark looks at him, with the wide, glassy, star-filled eyes that Mark gets when he talks about music. Except now, he’s talking about Donghyuck.
“I couldn’t comprehend it, I just wanted to be with you.”
Donghyuck pulls him in, nuzzles his face into Mark’s neck as Mark rubs soothing circles on Donghyuck’s back.
The sun can’t survive without his fire, and Donghyuck wants to tell Mark that he is his fuel.
my sun shines in the moonlight
You know how sometimes you can tell someone is looking at you, even when they aren’t in your peripheral vision? It’s a biological phenomenon that follows the belief that humans are sensitive to each other, that we know instinctively, almost intuitively, when someone is looking at us.
If there’s anyone in the world with good intuition, it’s Donghyuck.
Donghyuck feels the warm weight of a blanket on him, his baby hairs tickling his face as a result of the fan spinning above him. He also feels his face heating up. Not because the room is warm though, it’s the type of heat that comes when you feel someone gazes burning through you.
Even with his eyes closed, heavy with sleep, Donghyuck wills himself awake. When he does open his eyes, he’s greeted with Mark’s eyes, very much open, staring right back at him.
The room is dark, Donghyuck thinks it must be past midnight by now, judging by the streaks of moonlight he spots in the gaps of their blinds.
Mark, unlike the moon, is unmoving. Neither of them have said a word, even though both are equally aware of the other. Donghyuck is confused.
“Mark?”
Mark blinks back at him. And then he’s awkwardly shifting atop the bedsheets, inching himself closer and closer to Donghyuck. Donghyuck stays put, almost curious to see where this is going.
He feels Mark’s hand find sliding to his waist, resting his hand there gently. Mark looks at Donghyuck for a couple seconds, nose to nose, before moving in to kiss him.
Except it’s completely different from any kiss they’ve ever had. Mark kisses him, close-mouthed on the lips. It’s just a peck, but it last much longer than a peck usually does.
It’s almost like Mark just wants to leave his lips there, on Donghyuck’s lips. When he does pull away, both of them take in a quiet breath. Mark looks up into Donghyuck’s eyes again, and then down to his lips.
He leans in once more, and presses another kiss onto Donghyuck’s lips. For the first time, Donghyuck notices how nice it is to not be in a rush.
The kisses they share are always amazing, groundbreaking if Donghyuck would say so himself. They’re full of tension, youth, and passion.
But this kiss has by far been the most overwhelming. Because there’s no tension, no rush, no grabbing-on-for-dear-life. It’s just them. Donghyuck and Mark. Like it’s always been.
When Mark pulls away, Donghyuck wants to thank every God in the world for bringing Mark to him. He wants to sing praises, he wants to jump for joy and scream to the world. Share his light.
“Happy 3 years, my love.”
Mark rubs his nose into Donghyuck’s cheek. Donghyuck hums in acknowledgment and smiles.
“To many more.”
So the sun shines on.