Chapter Text
He woke up with a sense of unease, the feeling of something missing.
He was lying on a soft surface, and a harsh light filtered beyond his eyelids, hurting his sensitive eyes. Where was he… ? Vader forced his sluggish mind to work.
His body felt sore and numb, the slow, hushed, hiss of a respirator accompanying his every breath, and the smell of antiseptic permeating the air. A medbay, then. Had he gone back to Coruscant for maintenance… ?
Yes, he remembered. He had been injured in his mission, and the Emperor had ordered his immediate return... but… the answer felt wrong, somehow. The place felt too empty, too safe, to be Vader's dedicated ‘healing’ hall.
Furthermore, from his memory, his wounds were deep, but not enough that he wasn’t functional. He should have been able to walk to his medics droids by himself, after his report.
Something was wrong…
As his mind slowly awakened, he finally grasped what was missing.
The pain.
For the first time in two long years, Darth Vader felt no pain.
Well, sure, his body was sore, and there still was the familiar ache of limbs missing…
But the true pain, the fire that always burned under his skin despite Vader having left Mustafar long ago, the agony that ravaged him day and night, hindering his thoughts, plunging his world into a never-ending hell…
That agony was gone.
He blinked, confused. It wasn’t normal… Sith found their strength in pain, and… Palpatine made sure Vader’s drugs always kept him awake and feeling, even when plunged in the worst of his suffering.
Vader knew it was a punishment for having lost the fight against Kenobi, but he let him. Let Sidious fit him in a torturous prison he could almost never escape from, let him make the human inside disappear - kill Skywalker - ceding place to a well-known monster - Darth Vader.
After all, he deserved to be punished.
It made the absence of pain so strange… and so was the absence of any living being… Usually, even droids had a muted but still existing presence in the Force.
He blinked again, trying to force his eyes to focus. A large spot moved in front of his vision. « Hello, Skyguy. »
… Ahsoka ?
No, that couldn’t be true.
The lighting decreased, and Vader finally managed to adjust his poor sight. His vision went blurry beyond one meter or so, but… he could still perfectly see the familiar (albeit slightly older) Togruta standing in front of him.
Nevertheless, it wasn't possible. Skywalker’s Padawan had died in the Purges, like many others. Vader had retrieved her lightsaber himself. (Yet there had been no body).
He ignored the pang in his chest at the memory. Anakin Skywalker was dead, like everyone and everything he loved. He was gone, and he would stay so.
This… apparition, had to be some kind of hallucination.
Maybe Sidious was testing new drugs and there had been a mistake in the mix ? It would explain the lack of pain instead of its amplification, as well as the strange feeling of absence and the various hallucinations coming from the past to haunt him… yes, that must be that.
(And yet, even far away or under mind-altering substances… he could always feel the Emperor’s cold presence through their bond. So why was it gone ?)
He addressed the ghost, hoping to chase it away. « You… are not… real... ». His voice was weak, only a hoarse whisper without the modulator.
The ‘ghost’s’ eyes narrowed. « Why wouldn’t I be ? »
Vader glared at it. « You… are... Dead. »
The apparition smiled. « No I’m not, Skyguy. Despite your Empire’s best efforts… I survived. »
Vader turned away. The hallucinations could believe whatever it wanted, he knew the truth. The past was gone, and nothing would bring it back. Ever.
« Is it because you can’t feel me ? » the familiar tone wondered.
Suddenly, there was a hand on his cheek, and it felt warm… so warm… pins and needles blooming around the point of contact.
Had sentient touch always felt so good ?
So focused on the novel, amazing sensation was he, that it took him a while to register the new presence in the Force. He froze.
How could it be possible ?
Here, at the edge of his senses, was Ahsoka’s light, timidly nudging his mental shields. His own darkness automatically gathered protectively around her, as if to welcome an old friend.
He reigned it in and strengthened his shields, throwing her away.
Vader studied the currents of the energy surrounding him. Someone couldn’t just appear out of thin air, the Force didn’t work like that ! Had she simply hidden her presence until now… ?
That’s when he noticed… how quiet it was.
As the Chosen One, Vader had always found the Force too loud. Where others had to strain their ears to listen, he just heard it howl in his mind. After the Purge… it had become quieter. But there always was some kind of background noise buzzing, the currents of the Force slowly moving…
Now, though…
Now he could hear nothing.
His eyes widened, a rush of adrenaline waking him up. He jerked back from the (nice, warm) hand holding him, and growled at the Togruta: « What… have you… done… ? »
She just smiled back sadly, infuriating Vader further. « I’m sorry, Skyguy… But given your reputation these past few years… We needed to take precautions. At least to ensure you wouldn’t kill us on sight once awake. »
Precautions ?
What did she mean ?
Had they truly… did they think blocking his access to the Force would stop him !??
Of course, Anakin Skywalker’s Padawan would betray (abandon) him. Fine. He was not him anyway. And if that remnant of the past chose to be against him… then she shall be destroyed !
Vader snarled, and threw himself on the unsuspecting (ex)Jedi. Only to be stopped short as soft cords of metal and leather kept him back on the bed.
Binds.
Enclosing each of his prosthetics, a larger one circling around his torso. Immobilizing him.
He growled and willed his limbs to move. He wouldn’t be stopped by mere… !
The restraints held on. Vader fell back, panting.
A hand settled heavily on his chest, making his nerves go crazy with the foreign sensation. « Calm down, Anakin. You just got out of surgery, your body needs rest. »
Vader half-gasped, half-scoffed. Calm down ? She wasn’t the one tied to a bed at the mercy of… of Enemies. Furthermore… surgery ? A shiver ran along his spine. What had they done ?
He struggled against the binds, uncaring of the various alarms it raised inside his body. Noticed worriedly his prosthetics were weaker than usual, the heavy metal refusing to use all its strength. Had they touched it as well ?
« Anakin ! Calm down ! » He snarled back and wildly fought against the two (burning, soothing) hands placed on his shoulder, blue wings cautiously raised outside of Vader’s reach as Ahsoka tried to keep him down (And wow, those were new. Curses he had never heard before came out of the Togruta’s mouth). He was a Sith !
Something snapped, and he fell back, momentarily blinded as a white, piercing pain filled his brain.
Stunningly looked down as red began to bloom on his chest, painting the simple clothing.
Ahsoka’s exasperated sigh faintly reached him. « Told you ! Arrgh, Kix is going to kill me ! He made me promise to stop exactly that ! »
His brain sagged with relief (and longing) as the hands left his chest, leaving a phantom imprint behind them. Ahsoka’s vague silhouette disappeared, her footsteps echoing as she walked away from the bed.
He panted, weak. His short attempt had been enough to use up the little energy he had. Why was the Dark not coming ? Tears of frustration welled up in his eyes, and wasn’t that strange ? His tear ducts were supposed to be burnt.
Ahsoka came back, and opened his robe. Vader was tempted to struggle once more but the warning glare she sent him made him reconsider. (He remembered that look, from… Before.)
She relaxed slightly as he stayed calm, and applied some kind of green paste on the huge bleeding scar sculpting his skin where the Control Box had been. He turned away, embarrassed to let his- Skywalker’s Padawan see his broken body. Unwilling to see her judging stare as she took in the traces left by fire and lightning.
The coated fingers ignited a trail on his skin, shudders racking his body. When was the last time he had been touched without intent to harm ?
The contact somehow allowed Ahsoka in the empty bubble of Force he was trapped in (and now he could feel the collar restraining him), confusing him further as feelings of warmth and love and hope flowed encouragingly towards him.
The Light side of the Force battled the Dark remaining in his body to heal him. He instinctively tried to stop the Light but failed, his muscle uselessly tensing against the ties keeping him down.
« It’s not the first time I have to heal you from one of your reckless injuries, Skyguy. No need to be so shy. »
Vader wanted to deny this name, burn it to ashes on Mustafar’s shores and leave it there like he had been, but he couldn’t. Not when Ahsoka was right there, the hated-loved touch shutting any thought down, the sky wings protectively enclosing them in an echo of the golden ones that had once been his own.
The hole on his back that replaced the missing appendages burned at the reminder.
As he stubbornly stayed silent and turned away, a brick-orange hand gently directed him to face the clear blue eyes, the contact making more pins and needles bloom on his skins. « What happened to you, Anakin ? »
He died.
Vader bared his teeth « Do not… call me that. »
« Why ? » she tilted her head.
« Anakin Skywalker… is dead... »
« This again ? » Her hand paused, and Vader couldn’t stop a spike of longing for it to continue to stroke him. Ahsoka complied. « Tell me, Skyguy, if you are dead, then who exactly has been answering my calls in the Force ? »
Vader (not Anakin !) bit the inside of his cheek, choosing not to answer.
He remembered very well the lessons (threats) Sidious had drilled into him, one of the notorious one… The consequences that would befall him were he to give information upon capture.
Ahsoka gently caressed his forehead, like she used to do when he was stuck in the medbay from his last feat. Memories of past missions and caring echoed between them in the Force, Vader (too weak) unwilling to send them away.
A white feather nudged his wrist, and the memory of the three of them, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka and him smiling, relaxing into each other’s care as they groomed their wings imposed itself on his mind. It had happened only once in the Clone War… an island of peace among the blood and death overwhelming them.
The perfect picture of what could never be (of all he had lost).
Vader jerked back and growled, baring his teeth. « Stop touching me. »
Ahsoka raised her head, surprised by the sudden change « Why ? You like it. » her presence gently nudged his retreating presence in the Force bubble.
He reinforced his leaking shields. « I don’t. »
The lie became quite apparent when the shields crumbled under Ahsoka’s next caress, his head instinctively leaning against her hand.
She smiled. « Very convincing, Skyguy. » Her warm presence enveloped him once more, soaking them both in memories, and Vader had to actively resist not to be lulled back to (happier) dead times.
Vader was a Sith. Passion was strength, but he wasn’t supposed to just… melt, under the first person’s touch ! Much less captured and at the enemy’s mercy !
So why… why did he want to trust Ahsoka ? Despite Sidious’ lessons… Despite his knowledge that Skywalker would never be enough… Why did he want to trust that this time, she wouldn’t leave him ?
He reigned the thought in. Anakin Skywalker is dead. He had to be !
« Say, Anakin, where are your wings ? » Ahsoka’s voice broke through his musings.
He tensed.
« I know you didn’t lose them at the same time as… everything else. They were torn away, not burned. Plus, Force sensitive wings normally regrow. So, where are they ? »
Ocean eyes stared into his soul, and Vader couldn’t escape. The slow, careful touch encouraged him to talk.
Saying it wouldn’t hurt, right ? It wasn’t as if it was a secret. « Sith… tradition. »
« Really ? » Ahsoka’s eyebrow markings raised. « I never heard about such a tradition. Maul had wings. »
He scoffed (though it came out more as a cough) « Maul was not a true Apprentice. »
« And you are ? »
Of course he was ! (Wasn’t he ?)
« I am… Darth Vader. »
« Right, that fancy name. » Distaste permeated her voice. « Did you choose it ? »
He growled back. « It is mine. »
Ahsoka sighed. « You know… you always sucked at lying, Skyguy. »
He remained silent, unwilling to answer. She would see the truth soon enough.
None of them made another attempt at conversation, and Vader found himself slowly lulled by the peaceful mending Light coursing through him. Safe and peace echoing through the Force as (wrong) wings cocooned him.
Go on, Anakin. Sleep. There was a squeeze on his wrist, accompanied by a quiet whisper « I won’t leave you... Not this time. »
The darkness embraced him.