Chapter Text
“What’d you say your name was again, love?”
He chuckles, shaking their hand coolly. “Gakuto. Gakuto Gotake. It’s a pleasure to work with you, ah…”
“Merlin, though I imagine you’re having a bit of fun with me.” They smile at him, and his heart skips a beat.
"Haha, yeah, I have a couple posters at home, I'm kind of a fan," he technically doesn’t lie. It’s an easy thing to say. Practiced. They’ll never know.
“Kind of a fan? And now you’ve got the opportunity to work with me yourself. Dream come true?” they ask with a hint of a chuckle.
“Something like that, heh. I’ve always thought you could use...you know. A more experienced sound guy. I’ve been doing this for a long time, now.”
“Have you?” They’re so good at making their small talk seem like they’re engaged. It only makes his smile grow.
“Since middle school. Call it almost fifteen years now, I think.”
“I guess we’ll see how we sound together, then! Maybe I’ll see you after, hon, they’re waiting for me onstage.” Merlin touches his arm as they depart, leaving him to his mixing.
It is the single greatest performance Merlin Chun has ever given to date. He makes sure of that. Maybe the plebeian crowd isn’t able to tell, but he knows, and that’s what matters. He isn’t doing it for other people. Just for himself...and for Merlin. He’s utterly entranced by his own work, the pure perfection coming through his headset. As much as he wants to say he’s outdone himself, he knows the truth: it’s all them. It always has been.
Everything is over far too soon. He knew it would be like this, but it doesn’t make it any better. But it’s fine. He shows his face at the afterparty, as much as anybody notices a tech, as much as anyone pays attention to another nobody with a camera. He’s got a lanyard, he looks official. This time, he even is.
They’re close, nursing a drink, red in the cheeks. That laugh he’s heard so many times before, just a little too loud, a little too fake. Not that whoever’s telling the joke will notice. They never do. It’s so charming how they put up these little masks around these people. None of them ever get the chance to see the real Merlin, the Merlin he sees when no one else is watching. When even Merlin doesn’t know he’s watching.
He snaps a photo as the laugh dies down, discreet as can be. It’s a practiced motion. He wants to catch that single frame between the false laugh and the false smile. The truest expression they wear at these parties. It’s engraved into his memory, but he wants it immortalized on film. He hasn’t managed it yet. Maybe tonight.
Merlin makes eye contact with him. Not tonight at all, then.
“Gakuto!” they call, a glimmer of recognition in their eyes after a long moment of searching through the fog in their brain for information from hours ago. “Gakuto, love, come sit!” He can’t ignore an invitation from them. They rest a hand on his arm when he does finally sit with them. “This, this man here… This man is to thank for the, the wonderful concert tonight!” He’s never been quite close enough to smell the whiskey before.
They do brief, but irrelevant introductions. His smiles are easier than Merlin’s, and a touch less fake besides. None of these people will remember his name—let alone his face—in the morning. No one ever does. It’s why he doesn’t bother with a fake identity. He’s stage crew, so to the unwashed masses, he may as well not exist. The socialites will never even think twice about him.
But Merlin? Merlin rests their hand on his knee.
He knows how these parties go by now. One or two drinks, enough for a pleasant buzz, and then the effort of pretending to sip away at a third as the night stretches on. People filter in and out of the party, and though Merlin’s hand has long since left his leg, his own replaced it, savoring the feeling. He stays by their side, and he participates in the conversation as it makes its way around to him. It’s all pointless small talk anyway. At least until they catch his eye and murmur, “D’you think it’s about time we got out of here, hon?”
“We, huh?” he breathes.
“You don’t want to?”
“I never said that.”
“There’s a good answer,” says Merlin, draining the watered-down whiskey from their glass. Then, to the small crowd gathered around them, “Terribly sorry to disappoint, but I think I’m all partied out for tonight! Lovely seeing you all again!” They get to their feet, swaying a little where they stand. “Gakuto, love, could I have your arm?”
“Yeah, of course,” he answers automatically, offering it to them as he joins them in standing. They cling to it like it’s the only thing keeping them remotely upright, then wave goodnight, tugging him ever so slightly toward the door. He obliges them, casting a careless wave over his shoulder.
Outside, however, is a different story. Merlin stands up under their own power, with not even a hint of wobble. They do, though, keep hold of his arm. “You drive yourself?”
“Mhm, sure did. I’m parked right over here. I’m not gonna chance taking my gear in a cab, you know?” He opens the passenger door for them, wearing a kind smile.
“Smart man.” Merlin smirks as they take their seat. He shuts the door and walks around the back of the car, exulting in even that scant bit of praise. His celebration ends by the time he sits behind the wheel.
“Hotel, then? Somewhere nice and impersonal?” The key turns in the ignition; the car roars to life.
“Are you looking for impersonal, Gakuto?” His name rolls off their tongue with a teasing lilt.
“Not if I can help it.”
“It’s cute, yeah? How cool you’re being.” They chuckle to themself, a soft, throaty thing. Once they’re sure they have his attention, their tongue peeks out, piercing caught between their teeth. “Makes me want to take you home even more.”
“Heh, alright then. That where we’re heading?” He puts the car in drive and eases onto the road.
“Don’t tell me you know the way already, love.” They’re teasing. He knows it, but it still makes his heart skip a beat, the thought that they already know. As far as he’s aware, Merlin’s not even aware they have a stalker, even after all these years.
“Of course not,” he answers smoothly. “I said I was a fan, doesn’t mean I pay attention to gossip rags or anything like that. I just wanted to get moving.”
They rap him on the arm with a knuckle. “You’re just full of ‘em, eh, coolguy? Good answers galore, coming out of you. Ah, turn here, yeah?” They motion with their finger. Of course it’s unnecessary; he knows exactly where he’s going. But he’s more than happy to let them give him directions. Anything to hear their voice. Anything to preserve his illusion.
The next fifteen minutes pass in relative silence, aside from Merlin’s instructions. Ironically, the building is easier for him to find in the dark; he’s spent more time here at night anyway. “That it? The, uh...boxy-looking one?”
“Mm. Parking’s right around there, you can’t miss it.” He pulls into the indicated garage, coming to a stop in the spot Merlin identifies as theirs. He knew that too. The thought of them paying for parking just for other people is almost enough to make him sick, but he keeps his composure. Tonight, it belongs to him.
He opens the door and pops the trunk, glancing over at the other seat, and Merlin already getting out. “Hey, you mind if I bring my stuff inside? I don’t feel comfortable leaving it in the car overnight.”
“Of course I don’t mind , love,” they drawl, leaning down so he can see them smile. “Your equipment’s important. Little bold to assume you’re spending the night though, isn’t it?”
He snorts and climbs out of the car, walking back to the trunk. “You know what they say about fortune and favor, right?” Gingerly, he places his camera back into his road case and pulls it out of the trunk. “Seriously, though, I didn’t mean to sound like I was assuming something like that.”
“Didn’t mean to sound like it? So you were,” they tease, taking a few steps toward the building.
“Yeah, okay, guilty as charged.” He waves his free hand, grinning back at them. “All of a sudden you don’t need help walking, huh?”
They look pointedly back at him, hand on the door. “Darling. If I needed help walking, you wouldn’t be here.”
“Point taken.” He strolls through the door into the lounge, waiting for them to take the lead again. “It’s a nice place,” he says, glancing around.
“At least wait until you’re in my apartment to start flattering me,” they say breezily, making for the elevator. “It’s not like I designed the place.”
He joins them in the elevator, watches them press the button as though he doesn’t already know they’re headed for the fifth floor. An interested hum, to keep the conversation going. “Not a penthouse kind of guy?”
“More like Xiǎoxuě isn’t a penthouse kind of girl,” they lie easily. “Surprised?”
He shrugs as the elevator comes to a stop. “Just making conversation. It’s my first time at a celebrity’s place, you know?”
They scoff at the c-word. “Okay, none of that. Just pretend this is a normal one-night stand or something.”
He grins roguishly. “Alright, then. Just making conversation. It’s my first time at a one-night stand.” That earns him a swat on the arm.
“You’re lucky you’re as hot as you are,” they admonish. “It means you can stop playing so cute.”
“Loud and clear. So, which one’s yours?”
Merlin walks to a door and produces their key with a flourish. With surprising alacrity—they really must not have had as much to drink as he thought—the door is unlocked, and he’s able to see into the apartment like a proper guest for once. Really, he wasn’t missing much. He kicks his shoes off in the entryway as Merlin calls out, “I’m home!” only to be met with a protracted meow.
“Yes, I’m late.” Meow. “I brought company home.” Meow. “Oh, I know, you’re so mistreated.” Meowwww. They turn to him, dramatically shaking their head. “You see what I have to put up with?”
“She doesn’t like being alone? Poor thing, cooped up in here all by her lonesome…”
“You’re taking her side.”
“I am, I’m taking her side.”
“You like cats, then?” They ask, ushering him into the apartment proper. He leaves his road case near the door; it’s not like he’ll be needing it. Plus it gives him time to ponder the question.
He leads with a shrug. “I don’t mind them. Never had one of my own, but I had a friend a while back who kept a whole army of them.”
“Had, hon?” It’s obvious they’re only asking to be polite, maintain the conversation.
“Nothing bad. You know how things go after high school. People drift apart, interests change…”
“Mm, shame.” They’re leading away from the bedroom, toward the kitchen. “Did you want anything to drink, love? Catch you up now you don’t have to drive?”
He wanders slowly after them, trying not to seem too eager. It’s easy to disguise in taking in the sights of their apartment for the first time. From this angle, at least. “Uh. Yeah, sure. Hell with it, right? Tonight’s about fun.”
“Hear fuckin’ hear!” they call back to him. “What’s your poison, darling?”
He joins them in the kitchen in time for them to pour themself a whiskey. “I’ll have one of the same, if you’re offering.”
“Ugh, Gakuto, the good whiskey? If I’m offering, honestly…” They gripe and groan as they fix him a glass as well. “You’ve got good taste.”
“I came home with you, didn’t I?” he says, an earnest note creeping into his voice. Damn, too much. He reaches for the glass they offer. “Heh, sorry. I just say shit when I’m nervous.”
“Can’t relate, hon, I’ve never said a damn word in my life.” They don’t stop to savor the alcohol; it’s down the hatch in the blink of an eye. Good. That means they feel safe around him. He chuckles into his glass at the joke, taking his drink slower.
“Could’ve had me fooled, the way you were talking at the party.”
They snort. “Pulling receipts on me? Gakuto,” they say reproachfully, “I’ll have you know that’s slander.”
He shrugs coolly. “What’s a little slander between friends?”
“Ugh, you’re so damn quick on your feet. I don’t know who thought it was a good idea to make you this cute and this clever, but I won’t stand for it.” He opens his mouth to respond, but they cut him off. “And if you tell me to sit, you can get right out.”
“Maybe you should stop saying stuff that makes me say stupid stuff, Mer.” They narrow their eyes at him and pour themself another drink, without breaking eye contact. It’s a little heavy-handed this time. “Right, right, I don’t need to be so cute. It’s a curse, really.”
“Mhm,” they hum disbelievingly. At least the expression on their face is amused. He hasn’t screwed up too badly yet. “Didn’t you say you were nervous?” They motion to the drink in his hand. “Or are you just going to leave me to drink alone, hon?”
He gulps what he has down, nodding. “Yeah, okay. You said you wanted to catch me up, right?” The smirk on his face stays there as he offers Merlin his glass. “You’re not worried I’m going to drink up too much of your good stuff?”
Merlin responds simply by topping up his glass. Then, as if to keep him on his toes, they go traipsing right back through the kitchen door. It takes him another hard swallow before he figures out he’s expected to follow across the hall to their bedroom. “So soon?”
“Are you complaining? What did you think you were here for?” They ease themself down onto the bed, and as if she was called, their cat pushes her way into their lap.
He smirks at the both of them. “Hey now, that’s my spot.”
“Arguing with my cat, Gakuto?” They take a drink, maintaining eye contact.
He shrugs. “Just giving her a heads up. Or down, I guess, as the case may be.”
They raise their eyebrows. “That a fact, love?”
“Well, come on, Mer. Tonight’s been all about what you can do with your mouth. I figured I could show you what I do with mine.” He empties his glass and sets it on a nightstand, joining them on the bed. Xiǎoxuě gives him a plaintive mrow for his trouble. “Nah, sorry, like I said: ‘s my spot. You’re gonna hafta move.”
“Gakuto.”
“Mm?”
“Could you not babytalk at the cat about going down on me?”
He chuckles. “Look, I’d just do it, but she’s kind of in the way. So, if you want to move her...” He trails off, shucking his black work shirt, letting it drop to the floor. Like it’s a beacon calling her, the cat jumps off Merlin’s lap to nest in the shirt. “...good thing I’m not allergic, because I bet she sheds.”
Merlin fairly cackles, laying back on the bed. “I was, I was just about to ask you, hon, and then you just went for it...!”
He presses this advantage, getting on top of them, straddling their hips. It’s not just the liquor that burns in his veins as he takes them in. He’s dreamed of this moment for years. His heart hammers in his chest. This is it.
God, he wishes he had his camera right now.
“Something the matter, love? Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts now .” They grin up at him, infuriatingly charming as always. “If you are—” Their words are cut off by him feverishly pressing his lips to theirs. As if he’s going to sit and listen to them tell him it’s okay to be too nervous when they’re right there for the taking. They kiss back, full of passion, catching his bottom lip between their teeth.
The time for words is over.
He all but loses himself in the kiss. His hands, meanwhile, roam southward, searching out their waist. Deftly, even tipsy as he is, he unfastens their pants. One hand slips below the waistband of their underwear, creeping toward the center of their thighs. His tongue pushes between their teeth, into that mouth that has haunted his every thought. At the same time, he slicks a finger in their wet and teases around their entrance. It earns his bottom lip another nip.
“That’s a...mmh, funny way of doing it with your mouth...” they murmur into his jaw. “Don’t get me wrong, darling, you’re a great kisser, but.”
“But you wanna get off. That’s fine.” He presses his lips to their neck, giving them a love bite for good measure. “Glad you know what you want.”
He backs off, trailing kisses down their front, breathing them in. Their scent is heady, addictive. He slides off their bed and onto the floor in a fluid motion, never breaking contact. When he reaches the apex of their thighs, he eases their underwear down. Glancing up at them, he presses a kiss to their mound, watching them sip their drink now that he’s not occupying their mouth.
Down their legs he goes, alternating sloppy kisses and neat, sharp, little bites, marking them up for his own pleasure. He’s possessed by the freedom of finally claiming them as his. Once his own desire is satisfied, he goes right back to their slit. A single, feather-soft kiss alights on their lips, and he groans deep in his throat. They envelop his head so sweetly with their thighs. Now’s not the time to deny them.
His tongue parts their lips a second time as he wraps his arms around their legs, holding himself in place. Long, slow licks, tasting them, savoring them. Drowning in them with every sense. His head’s prison grows tighter when he caresses that little bundle of nerves, screaming for release. And in response, he chuckles. If they’re that needy, of course he can oblige them. He kisses them deeply, digging into their thighs with his fingernails. A hand comes down to nestle into his hair. Pets for being a good boy, he thinks idly, amused.
His tongue makes its way back to their clit achingly slowly. Those fingers curl in, pressing into his scalp. A little whimper, muffled by the booze they’d decided to swallow rather than spill, escapes their throat. He circles that button, letting his tongue graze it teasingly, almost accidentally. Not refusing them what they want, just teasing them with it.
Until the knuckles pressed tight against his skull draw him closer, insistent. The choice isn’t his any longer. So much the better, allowing them this bit of power. He laps at their clit dutifully, as though he was born to do it. At the same time, he unhooks one of his arms from their leg. His fingers join his mouth in their worship of them, spreading them, gouging deep as he lavishes their pleasure center with attention.
When they cum, it’s a quiet affair. They tense and grunt, squeeze his head so tightly between their thighs he thinks it’ll pop. He’s okay with that, now. That’s why he doesn’t stop until they pull on his hair sharply, letting out ragged pants. “One’s...one’s good for now, love,” they gasp out, releasing him and rubbing his scalp to soothe the ache they caused.
He grins up at them. “So I guess I did a decent job, then.”
“Now? Y’wanna be cute now ?” They roll their eyes. “Jesus Christ. Get up here, would you?”
“Gladly, heh.” He climbs up onto the bed as they lay back. “What now, my turn?”
“Give me half a second to catch my breath! You’re a little eager, yeah?”
“Mer, it was a joke, come on. You’ll get me back next time.” He brushes some hair out of their face. Picture perfect.
They swat at his hand playfully. “You really think you were good enough for a repeat performance?”
“Heh, I could repeat my audition right now, if you want. But, uh…” He shrugs and rolls onto his back next to them. “Yeah, I’m pretty confident in my skills.”
They puff out a gentle laugh. “You are, aren’t you? God...and you should be, is the thing.”
“Yeah?” he interrupts, letting his head roll over to look at them, smile unmoving as though it were carved into his face. “I guess I’ve had a bit of practice.”
“And the thing is, love, is so have I!” They rest a hand on his chest, the single laugh from before turning into a series of chuckles. That’s good; it means they don’t notice the disgust on his face. Not at them, of course, never at them, but at their previous partners, thinking they deserved them. “Tonight just felt...”
He barely keeps the smugness out of his voice when he offers, “Different?” as an answer. “I mean, if that’s your way of telling me you felt a spark, or something...”
They hum, musing, as they gently rake their nails across his chest. “You’re gonna be insufferable if I say you’re right, aren’t you, darling?”
“Nah, cross my heart,” he replies, and they do just that. Adorable. “Heh, okay. But no, I’m not that kinda guy. I can keep things casual,” he lies.
That gets an interested noise out of them. “Well, that’s good to know. I’m not really looking to commit to anything too real, but casual...mm, now that’s my speed.”
“Yeah, you know. Coffee, lunch, throw in a little sex here and there because I’m just so damn good at it…” He smirks, and Merlin lazily tries to slap it off his face.
“Love? Shut up.”
“Gonna make me?”
Stifling a yawn, they answer, “Gonna pass out, is what I’m gonna.”
He stretches and sits up while they unbutton their shirt. “Before you do that, point me to your toilet? First time here an’ all.”
They flick a hand in the direction of the bedroom door. “Back out, ‘cross the way from the front door. Think you left your gear ‘round there?”
He nods his thanks and stands, looking down at his shirt. Xiǎoxuě is still lounging on it, which he notes with a chuckle. “Mm...okay, no big deal. Stay comfy; guess it’s a tits out night.” Merlin laughs behind him, clearly enjoying the way he talks to the cat. He’ll definitely keep doing it, in that case.
As he steps out of the room, he hears shifting on the bed and takes a second to listen to the cooing within. “Oh, I know. He’s dumb, but he’s sweet, and he’s hot. Can you really judge me?” Meow. “‘m never gonna figure out your standards, y’know.”
While Merlin’s doting on their cat, he opens his gear case. A quick check to make sure his camera’s on top, and he leaves it alone. It’s flawless, really. Now he can sneak out and grab it after they fall asleep and get the closest, most candid picture yet.
He takes a minute to duck into the bathroom and wash his face, grinning at himself in the mirror. “If I needed help walking, you wouldn’t be here,” he repeats to himself with a dark chuckle. It’s a miracle he doesn’t burst into full-bodied laughter. It’s hilarious just how easy everything was tonight. Meeting them, getting them to take him home... “Not like you had any trouble drinking more once we got inside, huh?”
By the time he swaggers back into the bedroom, most of the smug washed off his face, he finds Merlin dozing where he left them. The opportunity is there, so tempting, but he can wait. He gives their shoulder a half-hearted shake, and they startle awake, eyes unfocused. “Wasn’ sleeping,” they protest, voice still thick with sleep.
“Of course you weren’t. You haven’t even gotten changed yet. You need any help with that?”
“Pft,” they say, managing to sit themself up. “You haven’t gotten me out of enough clothes for your taste, love?”
“Aw, Mer, you wound me.” The roguish grin on his face says otherwise. “I just wanted you to get comfy for bed, that’s all.”
They scoff again and repeat, “That’s all,” as they rise from the bed. “Oh, I’m sure.” Off comes the shirt, right in front of the window. They sashay their way to their closet, bared to the world.
“You, uh, always undress where people can see?”
“Mm? Wasn’t really bothered, considering we’re...what’s it, five stories up? But thank you for thinking of my modesty , Gakuto.”
“You’d be surprised what people would do,” says he, being exactly that kind of person. He’s taken more than a few balcony shots without them noticing. How could he resist, when they offered them up so freely?
“Mm,” is their response. They pick something light and sheer, wandering back toward the bed. “Lucky I’ve got you around then, yeah? Maybe it’ll keep those types away.”
“Maybe,” he says with a shrug. “Provided you want to hang around with me that much.”
They lie down, patting the bed next to them invitingly. “Come here, darling. Come.” He almost keeps from cracking a smile at their daring little demand. He acquiesces, lying down next to them. He at least tries to wipe the grin off his face. “I’ll think about it. If you stop being so damn cute about everything, maybe.” They bat at his chest with a hand, so very obviously tired.
“Mm… Yeah, I’ll see what I can do on that front. Fair warning, it might be terminal.” He laughs, to put them at ease. “I didn’t realize how hard it was to turn it off.” All he gets in response is an exhausted burble from Merlin’s direction. Propping himself up on his arm, he watches them fall asleep closer than he’s ever been able to.
Everything is right in the world. They belong to him, not only in this too-vulnerable moment, but for the foreseeable future. He resists the urge to run his thumb across those soft lips, or kiss those eyelashes. Instead he watches, eyes wide, as the sleep claims them once more. A soft kiss for their forehead, barely touching, and he climbs back out of bed.
Xiǎoxuě’s watchful eye trains on him as he pads toward the door, and he gives her a smile and whispers, “Wouldn’t want to wake them up, right?” as though she can understand him. It doesn’t matter; it’s not like Merlin can understand her, either. He slips into the hall and grabs his camera as quickly as possible, heart pounding in his ears. No flash. Shutter sound off. Night vision. All set to capture perfection.
He has to be fast. The longer he takes, the more likely they’ll catch him in his voyeuristic act. Back into the bedroom he goes, kneeling by the side of the bed once more. He gets the camera inches from them—from that sleeping, cherubic face—and focuses it himself. He’d long since stopped relying on autofocus for important photos like this.
No click. No flash. Just a dozen shots of them sleeping, breathing, being this close to him for the first time. It’s nearly enough to make him weep. Only his sense of duty to his self-assigned mission prevents it. He licks his lips, going over the shots, transfixed. It takes a short meow to remind him that he’s still knelt there, camera in hand, guilty as sin. Back into the case goes his camera, and he leans over to give Xiǎoxuě pets for her good job playing lookout.
He regrets it instantly.
He hears the low hiss before he feels her claws sink into his arm. Fine, she doesn’t like him. She doesn’t need to. He shakes her off and squints at his arm in the dark. Not enough blood to be a concern. Easy enough to explain away. Back into bed with Merlin he goes. Another kiss for their forehead, a pause to breathe in their scent. Perfect end to a perfect day in a perfect ten year era of stalking.
Put simply? He wins.
But a simple victory is boring. A simple victory does not a compelling story make. And this is not a story of contentment.