Chapter Text
I love you.
Yours always,
Wei Ying.
His signature more smeared than the rest, the lines more shaky as exhaustion must have crippled his hand when writing. Lan Wangji stared at the name and the three words above it.
Love?
~
The letter had arrived early this morning. Lan Wangji had tucked it in his sleeve on his way to breakfast, deciding to save it for a quieter time later in the day.
Breakfast had been the same. Uneventful as always.
Bland Wei Ying would call it, a little voice reminded him. A small smile tugged at his lips.
It had been a while since the last letter he had received from Wei Ying.
It was not unusual for there to pass some time between their correspondence. Sometimes the breaks in the flow of letters would be extensive; nothing of import in need of being reported to the other.
He wondered what news this letter would bring him.
He enjoyed getting word from Wei Ying, no matter how inconsequential. Their exchange mostly revolved around his problems with the major sects and the issues of the Wen clan’s survival. They would exchange ideas on how to solve a given situation, lighten a blow, or simply keep the other informed.
But sometimes little nuggets of Wei Ying’s everyday life would sneak themselves into the letters.
Lan Wangji looked forward to these the most.
He had long ago accepted his feelings for the man. What else could he do? Only a fool would deny it, especially when the evidence was so strong, its existence so overwhelming. And Lan Wangji was many things, but a fool was not one of them. A river runs. The sun shines. Lan Wangji loves Wei Wuxian. It was simply one of the many truths of the world. Another factual drop in the vast ocean of reality.
As was the fact that this same love was not reciprocated.
Lan Wangji knew this, had accepted it, too, when he had come to terms with the affliction that ailed him whenever he would be assaulted with blinding smiles and pealing laughter.
It was the nature of it all. Of their relationship. And one does not simply go against their nature.
So Lan Wangji continued to love, and the river continued to run, both nodding at the other and acknowledging their place in the world.
However, the letter hidden in his sleeve was a special treat for Lan Wangji. Especially tailored and meant just for him.
The day was dragging. As if sensing his excitement, it had slowed down, prolonging his pain and trying his patience.
Lan Wangji huffed, a rare show of his impatience and displeasure surfacing.
It was his own fault for delaying opening the letter. But experience told him it was better to wait until no one was expecting him for the rest of the day. The risk of interruptions diminished.
He had once brought one of the letters on one of his walks, intending to read it with the rippling water as company, only to be interrupted by his brother. Lan Xichen had snuck up on Lan Wangji unintentionally, but effectively none the less, catching him unawares as he had been too engrossed in Wei Ying’s elaborate story telling. The pages had flown out of his hands and only just missed the wet embrace of the river. Lan Xichen had helped collect the stray papers, but to this day would still chuckle behind his sleeves at the memory of the frantic Lan Wangji, trying to salvage the letter.
At another memorable instance Lan Wangji had brought a letter to the library pavilion to read before his studies. His Uncle had come across another scrap of paper, innocent enough in its appearance, but harmful in its content to Lan Qiren’s blood pressure. Wangji had been in a hurry to pack up, his mind in a flurry as he heard approaching footsteps outside the pavilion as he had been reading the most recent missive from Wei Ying. In his fluster a page had drifted to the floor and gotten lodged beneath the table. He had only just managed to free it and slam the paper within a book as Lan Qiren had rounded the corner and entered. About to greet Lan Wangji, he had spotted a piece of paper slowly drifting along the floorboards in the late evening breeze. Bending to pick it up, he had frozen in abject fury, staring at the missing corner of Lan Wangji’s hidden letter. The scrawl loudly proclaiming Wei Wuxian’s name.
From then on he had learned his lesson; the correspondence was to be kept out of others’ watchful eyes. Especially his uncle’s.
Another reason was that Lan Wangji had found he often needed some time to himself to process the contents.
Sometimes their issues needed mulling over, other times he simply needed a moment from the small fact of receiving word from Wei Ying.
No matter their subject Wei Ying’s letters would always be packed with his unmistakable spirit.
Reading them was like having him with Lan Wangji there in the room. His excitement or worry spilling through the words and leaping of the page, betraying the calm he would sometimes display.
It made the longing all the harder.
Lan Wangji would often get lost in thought after having read them. Sitting in his room staring out the opened window of the Jingshi as he processed the contents and the man.
As such, absolute quiet and privacy was needed.
And so he ground his teeth together and waded through the remainder of the day.