Chapter Text
You failed her. Amity's whole body shakes against the feathery arm keeping her from plummeting to the ground, and it's not because of the cold winds whipping at her face. Luz took a chance on you. She's shown you nothing but love and kindness from the start, and how do you repay her? By coming back empty-handed. She squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head, trying to banish the negative thoughts from her brain, but her girlfriend's last message is burned onto the inside of her eyelids: Come back with results, or we're done. Amity must look as wrecked as she feels, because Ghost is starting to nuzzle against her cheek, almost as if the palisman is telling her to breathe. She doesn't deserve that kindness, though, not after how badly she's messed up. As Eda finally touches down on the grass, she contemplates going back into the tunnels--maybe she can just crawl into that grave the Golden Guard had dug and never come out.
"Well, that was a disaster," the Owl Lady bluntly points out as she deposits Amity and King in front of the Owl House. "Let's go break the bad news."
"You mean us losing the key, or you having the worst breath on the Isles?" King teased. "Seriously, did you have to eat nine of those things?"
Amity can barely hear the two of them as they continue to bicker. She's too busy feeling dwarfed by the front door, replaying all of the comments from earlier in the day in her head:
"I've got to admit, Amity, seeing you around more often is...different." Of course Willow is still uncomfortable with you, what made you think it was okay to start hanging around so much? She was Luz's friend first.
"Feels like just a few months ago you almost got her dissected by your crazy principal." They're never going to let me forget that, are they? No matter how much I've changed, no matter how hard I'm trying, they're always going to think of me as--
"That was a few months ago."
"You coming, Boots?" Eda's question breaks Amity out of her spiral, and she quickly shoves her stained glove into the Owl Lady's claws before backing away.
"There's some Titan's blood on there," she shakily explains before trying to swallow the lump in her throat. "Maybe it'll help."
"Woah, woah, what's the rush, kid?" Eda asks as Amity mounts her staff. "That brat put up a pretty good fight, at least let us check you out before you fly home."
You don't deserve it. "I have to get back fast." I can't face Luz. "Mom and Dad will kill me if they find out I've been sneaking around." King shrugs and says something about how there'll be more hugs for him, but Eda keeps her concerned gaze firmly fixed on Amity as she flies away, and the worry in the Owl Lady's eyes makes her feel even worse, eating at her until she has to focus her attention on sneaking past Ed and Em. That's the easy part--the two of them are so wrapped up in the new episode of Bleeding Hearts that they wouldn't notice if a slitherbeast broke into the manor. The hard part comes after she's locked herself in the bathroom, alone with her very many and very loud fears and insecurities and--
BZZT!
--and her scroll, which was telling her that she had a text from her awesome girlfriend. Oh no, she already knows, she's already breaking up with me, I can't, I'm not ready--
BZZT! Luz has sent her another text. Amity sinks to her knees, gripping the pristine white vanity as she tries to catch her breath.
BRRRING! No, no, no, Luz is calling now. Amity can't lose her, she can't--
BANG! She doesn't realize she's thrown her scroll across the bathroom until it hits the wall and clatters to the floor. The device is mercifully silent after that, giving Amity a chance to strip off her coat and inspect the damage that coven brat had done. There's a smattering of bruises blooming across her knuckles and on her torso. It's not enough, she thinks, reaching into the medicine cabinet and grabbing one of her father's razor blades. You screwed up so bad, you need to be punished.
Amity's cut herself a few times before--after a particularly bad grade, or a truly awful scolding, or a prank that the twins had taken too far. She hasn't done it in a while, though. Not since Luz came into her life. Not since she's befriended Gus. Not since she's started patching things up with Willow. Not since she's become a regular fixture in Eda's house. But you don't have any of that anymore--you lost everything in one night. You have no one. You have nothing. Amity's inner voice just keeps hammering her, mercilessly ripping open all of the wounds she thought had scabbed over...until she presses the cool blade to her skin and drags it in a straight line, exhaling deeply when the physical pain manages to distract her from everything going on in her head. She does it again, and again, and again, and--
"Hey, Mittens! Quit hogging the bathroom!" Edric's shout startles her, causing her to drop the razor blade as she flinches.
"...u-use the one downstairs, Ed," she manages to stammer without sounding as upset as she feels.
"Everything okay in there, Amity?" She can feel her sister's concern from the other side of the door, and it makes her sick, because it's wasted on a failure like her.
"Everything's fine," she insists after forcefully clearing her throat, cleaning up the blood and the blade as quickly and quietly as she can.
"...okay," Emira relents, sounding unconvinced, "but you'd better hurry up in there and get some sleep, we have that stupid company brunch thing tomorrow."
Titan, she'd completely forgotten about her parents' stupid company brunch thing. At least it's an excuse to avoid everyone, she thinks, pulling her sleeves down over the angry red lines on her arms and slipping into her bedroom before the twins can come back upstairs. She throws her scroll into a drawer before it can show her any more missed calls or messages and draws the proper circle to cast a sleep spell. She knows that they can be dangerous, especially when a witch is casting one on herself, but she can't bring herself to care. Maybe if you get lucky, you won't wake up at all.
* * *
"Eda! King! You're okay!"
"Yes! Your mighty ruler has returned from his perilous journey, and he demands huggies!" Luz fondly rolls her eyes before picking up the King of Demons and giving him a warm squeeze. She moves on to Eda next, and it's only after she pulls away that she realizes someone is missing.
"Wait, where's Amity? Is she okay? Did something happen?!"
"Calm down, kid, she had to scram so her parents won't freak out."
"A lot of stuff did happen, though! Everybody sit down so I can recount our heroic exploits!" Luz obliges, plopping down between Willow and Gus and hanging on King's every word as he dramatically describes everything that went down in the tunnels. Her cheeks grow warm when the King of Demons starts re-enacting Amity's battle with Hunter, her heart flutters when he tells them how protective she'd been of Luz, and her chest swells with pride when Eda jumps in and points out her awesome girlfriend's quick thinking in breaking the key before turning it over. And I thought Amity couldn't be any more amazing. How did I get so lucky? Luz doesn't stop grinning even after her friends leave and the rest of the Owl House turns in for the night. She pulls out the scroll Eda had gifted her, tapping on Amity's name and starting a new message:
Luz: AMITY!!! i'm SO happy you all got out of there okay! THANK YOU for getting the titan's blood! that was so smart, i can't believe i have such an awesome girlfriend :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Luz grinned as she laid back on her bed roll, tapping her fingers against the floor as she waited the customary thirty seconds for Amity to reply to her text...but no reply ever came. That's weird, she frowned, moving to type another message, Amity never takes this long to respond to me.
Luz: ARE you okay? eda said you looked fine when you left. did you get hurt?
Luz's fingers start tapping faster as more time passes without so much as a peep from Amity. A pit begins to form in her stomach as she punches the call button, and it only grows when she's sent straight to Amity's voicemail.
Luz: amity, seriously, is everything alright?
Luz: can you send me something to let me know you're okay?
Luz: it doesn't even have to be words
Luz: it can be a manticore emoji or something
Luz: please?
"Lights out, kiddo!" Eda calls from out in the hallway. "We've got a long day of potion deliveries tomorrow!"
"Five more minutes, Eda! I'm trying to check on Amity!"
"Kid, Baby Blight probably hit the sack hours ago, it was a long day for all of us. You two can nauseate me with your lovey-dovey messages in the morning."
Luz lets out a frustrated sigh, but she knows that Eda's probably right, so she sets her scroll down and settles in for the night...but not before sending one more text.
Luz: okay, i'll try you again tomorrow. te quiero, amity <3