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The first thing he noticed when he stepped out of the TARDIS was that he was at the side of the road. Not the first time he had seen something like this. But the smell certainly is in the top three of the worst he had experienced so far. And he had been in the Seine in the 17th century. Clara had refused to talk to him for a week after that and that was his old face.
The next thing that he noticed and that was the thing that sent him into a frenzy, running up the road, was the sound of retching and crying.
It sound familiar, because he heard it before.
So without thinking he started running down the alley that stank of piss and thrown up and things he was trying not to think about.
She was right behind a few dumpsters. Shaking like a leaf. He could smell blood on her. His hearts kicked into a staccato immediately. She was hurt and she was afraid.
He had to pass the bodies of two passed out men, but he couldn’t even be bothered to care about them. They were wearing military clothing and one had a badge of the church on his shoulder.
Clara had said this face of him was harsher and colder than another she had met. He hated that he thought about Clara right now. Clara who was leaving, because he had forced her to make a decision. Clara who still couldn’t stop searching for Bowtie in his face. Even after all this time.
So he forced himself to stop thinking about Clara, who started to be less and less of a friend and more grief and pain and stepped closer to the woman he had been looking for.
“Hey,” He said and immediately she tensed up. “Are you ok?” He tried to make his voice softer and to give it a caring tone, but it sounded strange in his ears.
She only turned enough to look at him through the mane of braids. Her dark brown eyes were still frightened, but there was something else there too. Something feral and unnatural. Something that wasn’t really her, but Kovarian’s training.
She turned away from him about three seconds later. It was already too late. He had seen the tears streaming down her face and the pain in her eyes.
“Can I come closer?” He asked, thinking about how Mels had reacted to his last face. Thinking how he, this him, hated having people come close to him uninvited and invade his personal space. When she didn’t react, didn’t refuse; he carefully stepped closer to her. Just one stepp.
She twirled around immediately. For a moment she was nothing, but the assassin she was conditioned to be. Then her dark skin turned ashen and she fell back against the dirty and quite frankly disgusting wall behind her. He jumped forwards reaching out to help her steady herself, only to hesitate.
He thought about how he hated touch. How Clara refused to acknowledge this and how she hugged him again and again and again proclaiming that she would get him to like it one day.
“Can I touch you?” He asked before he could even think about it. She looked at him a bit longer. A bit confused and then after a moment the darkness in her eyes faded. Leaving nothing but a frightened girl behind.
She didn’t react, didn’t nod or shake her head. The Doctor carefully reached out. Slowly and careful to make sure she could see his hand. Could see his every move. He stopped just before he was able to touch her bare arm looking at her. Searching for a sign that she didn’t want to be touched. Something that would tell him he should stop. He looked at her and after a moment she closed her eyes, relaxing a bit.
He brushed over her arm with the tips of his fingers. She tensed immediately and he took his hand back.
“Can I help you somehow?” He asked, but there wasn’t an answer. So he waited, waited for her face to stop looking this sickly ashen. He waited for her tears to dry, not because she was forcing herself to, but because she was really a bit better. He waited for her body to relax.
“I’m John.” He said softly. “I think I understand what just happened.” He looked over his shoulder to the two soldiers. He tried so hard to not think about what just happened in this alley. What could have happened to Mels.
“I have this friend…” He started, unsure how to say it. “She’s been in my life for sometime. I used to be different, touch was easier. I got closer to people without problems.” He said. It felt nice to talk about it. Although he wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to talk about it to Mels of all people.
“There was an accident and now I hate when she touches me.” He laughed a bit self-deprecatingly. “I used to be a social butterfly as she calls it. Now I’m just an ass, if I believe the people.” He sighed and sacked a bit into himself.
“She keeps touching and hugging me.” He explains. His eyes on Mels. Her eyes are still close, but he can see the way her face is tilted towards him. How she is listening intently.
“Like she used to before the accident, but I hate it.” It’s the first time he said it out loud. “I really do, but all she said is ‘I’ll get you to hug me back one day’” He sighed and it felt like every bit of tension left him.
“She’s preparing to leave right now. Leave me alone, because I forced her to make an uncomfortable decision. Told her it wasn’t in my right to make it for her and now she’s mad about it and refused to talk to me.”
When he looks up he meets Mel's eye. She looks broken and sad.
She’s tired, he realized. Really bone deep tired and yet there is a kind of paranoia in her eyes he can’t remember seeing in anyone's eyes, since the day Sandshoes activated the Moment.
“I have this…” She stocked, her voice raw and broken. “Family member.” He knows immediately, about who she’s talking, and his blood starts boiling. “She wants me to do things and…” She sighs and sinks into herself.
“I’ve tried running away so many times, as a child. I begged for help and I ran. Again and again. They keep finding me and drag me back.”
He turned to look at the two idiots on the ground.
“Not them, they are just…” She stocks looking at them.
“Pawns” He offers and she barks a harsh laugh.
“Yeah,” Her voice is soft and broken. “I think maybe I can do it this time. I’ve avoided them for several weeks now and I…” There is a sob springing from her lips.
“Can I touch you?” He asks again and this time she nods. He still reaches out carefully. Still is ready to let go of her at a moment's notice, but he gently wraps her in his arms.
For a moment everything is right. Like he doesn’t know what she will have to go through in the future. Pretends that she will be fine this time.
“Is it stupid that I think you will get away?” He asks and wonders why he can talk to her this easily. How he just knows what to say to her, when everyone else is just so wrong.
She stiffens and he lets go of her. She looks at him funny.
“Yeah. It does.” She says, but she smiles and that is all he needs to see.