Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

No one knows where our secrets go

You’re a treasure no one opened, you’re that diamond no one found.
There’s no casual liaison when you’re heart is in the clouds.
I could have been your bit of style, could have been your bit of grace.
I could have been the way the starlight played upon your face, starlight played upon your face.

Frank’s been watching this ant for about twenty minutes now. There was a scattering of cookie crumbs from his lunch under the desk. Frank couldn’t be bothered to get up and get the broom, so the crumbs just sat there after lunch. He’ll have to sweep up when he closes anyway and it’s just too hot to get up if he doesn’t have to. About a half hour after he finished eating, the ant found the crumbs and began hauling them away, across the small office space and over to the wall where there must be a gap or crevice of some kind under the counter where the ant must live. The ant returns a moment later with a friend. By their third trip hauling the crumbs away, Frank thinks he might not have to sweep the crumbs up after all, since the ants are cleaning them up for him. It’s sort of like how he never has to bother sweeping his kitchen at home after meals because the dogs always just eat up anything he drops.

Frank’s ant fascination is interrupted when his co-worker gives a startling shriek.

“Ants!” she screams. “Step on them, Frank, kill them!”

Frank shrugs. “They aren’t hurting anything.”

“If there are two, there’s bound to be more. I knew I should have put out more ant poison,” Maria grumbles as she grabs the broom from the corner and begins sweeping up the offending mess, ants landing in the dustpan right along with the crumbs before she opens the door and empties the dustpan out into the bushes beside the front steps. “Where were they taking the crumbs? I should spray the whole area with bleach in case there are more living under there.”

Frank sighs and gestures vaguely toward the spot under the counter to where the ants had been absconding with their food.

“I don’t understand how you can sit there passively watching the office be infested with ants and yet you scream and run away if you see a spider,” Maria chides as she sprays down the lower part of the cabinets and the floor in front of the counter with bleach water.

“Spiders are different. Spiders are evil.”

“They are not, either! Spiders are the good ones! They catch and eat the bad bugs like the mosquitoes and the flies and the ants!”

“Aha!” Frank exclaims. “Spiders are mean! They pick on the poor, helpless, smaller bugs!”

Maria rolls her eyes. “Really, Frank? Blood-sucking mosquitoes are poor and helpless?”

Frank scratches his head at that. “Well, no. I guess the spiders can have the mosquitoes.” He pauses. “But they shouldn’t do it around me and I don’t have to like them for it.”

Maria laughs, putting away the bleach water in the cleaning supplies cabinet. “Fair enough,” she says kindly and ruffles Frank’s hair as she walks out of the room calling over her shoulder, “I’m going to bring in kennel two and let kennel three go out for a while.”

Frank nods even though she can’t see him. He hears barking coming from the kennel rooms and the yard as Maria and a couple of volunteers work on rounding up the twenty or so dogs that are outside, and get them settled back in their crates before letting out a new group of dogs.

Frank likes his job at the animal shelter, but he likes it better on days when he gets to mostly work with the dogs. He and Maria switch off and today is a front desk day for him. It’s really fine, but on hot afternoons like this, it can get boring when no one comes in looking for a new pet.

Frank has that thought in mind when the bell over the door rings, letting in a couple of potential customers. There is a familiar looking woman with black hair, tattoos, and a lot of black eyeliner dragging along a bored looking Mikey Way. Frank perks up at this development. “Mikey!” he exclaims, face spreading into a smile as he walks around the counter to give Mikey a hug.

“Hey man,” Mikey says quietly.

Frank bounces out of the hug. It’s been such a boring day he’s thrilled to see a friendly face. “What brings you in? You looking for a dog?!”

Mikey gets a pinched expression as the woman says happily, “Yes! We want a dog, and Mikey said we could only get one from you, since this is the only no-kill shelter in the area.”

Frank beams proudly. “That’s right. All our animals stay with us until they are adopted or have lived out their lives. You made a good decision coming here instead of a pet store.”

Mikey seems to be trying not to roll his eyes, he’s heard this spiel before. “Frank, you remember my wife, Alicia.” Mikey puts his hand on Alicia’s shoulder.

“Oh yeah! It’s been a while, but yeah, I remember now!” Frank says, pulling her in for a quick hug. “What kind of dog are you guys looking for?”

Frank directs the question at Alicia, but Mikey replies before she can say anything, “A small one.”

Alicia nods, still smiling. “Yes, a small one, but other than that, we don’t really care. We aren’t picky.”

This is good news. The fewer stipulations the customer has, the more likely they’ll find a dog they like. “That’s great! I’ll take you into the kennels, so you can meet some of the dogs.”

Frank manages to convince Maria to trade jobs with him for a while, so he can be in back with Mikey and Alicia, while she mans the front desk. He spends over an hour with them, introducing them to all of his favorites of the smaller dogs. Alicia likes so many that it’s hard for her to choose, but after taking several dogs out in the yard to play with, she finally settles on a slightly overweight, approximately three-year-old female named Pebbles.

They think Pebbles is probably part Beagle and part Cardigan Welsh Corgi, but it’s hard to tell with the dogs that come in as strays. When Pebbles arrived at the shelter almost a year ago, she was actually skinny and had parasites that took three courses of medicine to finally kill off. She’s not so skinny any more, though. Perfectly healthy now, she’s the sweetest dog ever. The only problem they’ve ever had with her is that she tends to take food from the other dogs. It’s like she’s afraid each meal might be her last chance to eat for a while, like she’s not convinced that she really will get fed again. Frank’s seen this kind of thing before with dogs who were strays for a long time. They have this survival instinct wired into them and they tend to overeat because they fear each meal may be their last. Some dogs never really get over that. It’s sad, and just one more thing that makes Frank angry at irresponsible pet owners and makes him feel really good about his less-than-glamorous job. It’s certainly not what he would have pictured himself doing at 34, but he does enjoy it and he feels like he’s making a difference.

It takes some time to go over all of the paperwork with Mikey and Alicia. They both have to sign agreements that they’ll provide Pebbles with proper veterinary care and find a new home for her, should they ever have changes in life circumstances that require them to give her up. After the paperwork, all that’s left is for Pebbles to be groomed and have a full physical, and for the vet to sign off on her general health and well being. Then Mikey and Alicia can take her home.

It’s too late in the day for Pebbles to get in to see the vet, so Frank makes her an appointment for first thing in the morning. Alicia is a bit disappointed that they can’t take her home tonight.

“What time does she have to be picked up tomorrow?” Alicia asks.

Frank looks at the day planner on the desk. “Her vet appointment is for 9 AM, so probably any time after 10 would be fine.”

“Hmmm, Mikey and I will both be at work by then. Can we pick her up after work?”

“You can, but tomorrow is our early day, we close at four,” Frank says apologetically. The shelter opens late one day each week and closes early one day to keep employees from having overtime, since everyone works a half-day most weekends.

Alicia frowns and looks at Mikey, “Neither one of us gets off that early…” she trails off.

“It’s no problem for her to stay here an extra night, you guys can come get her on Friday.”

Alicia’s pulling on Mikey’s arm now. “I don’t want to wait that long to take her home, maybe you could take a long lunch and get her during your break?” She’s close to whining now and Mikey pinches the bridge of his nose.

“I can’t tomorrow. I have a lunch meeting with two execs from New York. But maybe…” Mikey scratches his neck. “Could someone else pick her up for us?”

“Oh sure!” Frank nods enthusiastically. “Just let us know who’s coming. You can call if you aren’t sure yet. They’ll need to bring a photo ID and they can take her for you. That’s no problem at all.”

Alicia looks puzzled, but now Mikey looks relieved. “Okay cool,” he says. “Can I call you in the morning to let you know who it’ll be? I think maybe my mom or my brother.”

Alicia cuts him off. “Not Gerard. Mikey, no, he’ll lose her or something.”

Mikey shushes her. “He’ll be fine, he can handle this. And maybe it won’t matter. We’ll ask my mom first.”

Alicia appears to be mollified by this and begins gathering up all of the paperwork.

Mikey gives Frank a quick hug and a ‘thanks man’ before they head out the door. Frank can hear Alicia admonishing him in the parking lot before the door closes completely.

Frank watches them get into the car and ponders the exchange as he begins cleaning up and closing the office. He sticks his head in back to say goodnight to Maria, who’s still closing up the kennels, before heading out to his car. As he crosses the parking lot, he can’t help but admit to himself that he really hopes Mikey’s mom won’t be available tomorrow. He is quite curious to meet the grown man who may not be competent enough to collect a smallish dog from an animal shelter and take it home.

*_*_*

As soon as Frank’s key enters the lock on his apartment door, the barking starts. By the time he gets the door open, little nails are scratching on the wood and then he has three wet noses butting into his belly and hips as his dogs jump up in greeting. He knows he shouldn’t let them jump up like this, but they are just excited, and the warm welcome always makes him feel so nice when he gets home after a long day.

According to his lease agreement, he’s actually only allowed to have two dogs in this building, but when he found Kirby nosing through the dumpsters in the back alley, he just fell in love. He put up signs all around town for weeks, but no one claimed him. Frank should have just brought Kirby in to work. He really couldn’t afford a third dog. But after he had been in the apartment for a week, Frank found that he just couldn’t part with him. Frank had begged his landlord to let him stay, and had ended up getting his way in the end after much hemming and hawing on the landlord’s part. Of course, it does help that his landlord is also his good friend, Ray, whom he’s known since high school and who has never really been able to say no to Frank about anything.

Frank smiles, thinking about Ray and his weak spot for him, as he leashes up the dogs and takes them outside for their evening walk. They all stop to pee before not too long and Frank just watches them fondly as they nose around in the yards on their street, sniffing and looking for good places to do their business. His three best friends, Kirby- the Chihuahua and something mutt, along with Princess- the Basset Hound, and Tigger- the brindle something and pug mutt. The three of them manage to keep Frank pretty busy. Frank found Kirby about six months after his last serious relationship ended.

He pulls his cigarettes out of his pocket and lights one up as he thinks about that. Leslie had been great but… but what? Frank doesn’t know. He never did figure it out. What he remembers the most about the end was that Leslie would complain that he often had to bail out of things because of the dogs. He didn’t like to leave them alone all night, and he liked to go home before going out after work so that he could feed them and let them out. She kept implying somehow that the solution to this problem would be for her to move in with him, so that she could help with the dogs and they could spend their nights together without having to worry about them. When she did sleep over, she didn’t even mind that the dogs slept in the bed with them, though, she did suggest once that when she moved in, they should get a king sized bed to accommodate everyone.

Leslie was great. She was independent about most things. She was happy. She had a great job teaching preschool and she loved it. She supported Frank in everything he did and went to all of his band’s shows whenever she could, but… And Frank still doesn’t know what. All he really knew was that he didn’t want her to move in. But he didn’t want to break up either, the sex was great and he always had fun and felt happy when he was with her. She wasn’t even asking for marriage or kids or anything. She was several years younger than him, so she wasn’t freaking out about that stuff too badly, yet. Frank figures that in the end, she really only wanted to feel settled. And Frank just… didn’t.

Leslie had been accepted to a great grad school program in the city. She had originally planned to commute daily from Jersey, but one day it was like… it was sort of like she just woke up. Actually, she really had just woken up. They were in bed together doing some nice, sweet morning kissing when she pulled back and told him she was moving to New York. That she’d found a job there working with teen moms in Harlem and the hours wouldn’t conflict with her grad school courses, so she was moving. And also she was breaking up with him. Because as much as she loved him, she loved herself more, and if she wasn’t going to be settled with Frank, then she needed to move on with her own life.

Frank thinks about all of this as he heads back to the apartment with the dogs. He makes himself ramen noodle soup for dinner and eats it while watching cartoons on TV. He still talks to Leslie a lot, probably at least once a week. He feels like they really have beaten the odds and managed to stay actual friends. He supposes he should feel good about that and he does. But sometimes he thinks it’s strange that now, almost a year later, he still thinks about her and feels sad that they aren’t together anymore.

Not that Frank is sad, he thinks as he rinses out his bowl and sticks it in the dishwasher. He’s not sad at all. He likes his life. He loves his job. He has great friends. He loves playing in his band. He loves his dogs. His life is great. He has nothing to be sad about. He tells himself this firmly as he goes about preparing a pot of coffee and setting it to start brewing at 7:30 in the morning.

Frank shakes himself out of his reverie, mentally and physically. He looks at the clock to find that it’s not even eight yet. It’s definitely not too late to play his guitar for a while, that always makes him feel better. He plugs in and plays through some silly warm-ups and finger exercises, then does a bunch of his favorite cover songs and even works on some original stuff that Strike the Demons, his band, have been working on. He doesn’t really sing along much, just focuses on playing, and the time flies. He ends up playing until 10:05. For some reason, he always feels the need to push it five minutes past the time he’s technically allowed to play. Of course, Ray is always reminding him that if he’d just play his acoustic in the bathroom (which doesn’t share any walls with other apartments) he could play all night if he wanted to. Right. Frank is going to sit in the bathroom to play his guitar. Not so much. Anyway, sometimes the acoustic just isn’t the same.

*_*_*

When he gets out of the shower in the morning, Frank finds that he has a voicemail from Mikey. Too curious to wait, he listens to it right away.

“Hey Frank, sorry to call so early. I just wanted to let you know that Gerard’s going to be picking up Pebbles today. I honestly have no idea what time he’ll show up, but he knows you close at four so… Anyway, if there’s any issue or anything, call Alicia. She’ll be easier to reach than me. And uh, thanks for all your help yesterday, man. Alicia’s really happy. She’s been bugging me about getting a dog for like, forever. So, I guess I’ll see you at the show Saturday night? Later.”

Frank can’t help but smile. He’s going to get to meet the mysterious and elusive Gerard Way, after all. Mikey has only mentioned him a few times. All Frank really knows is that he’s an artist and he writes comic books. Also, he’s apparently a recluse who rarely leaves his house. During one particularly drunken conversation, Mikey admitted that he used to try to get Gerard to go out all the time. He’d drag him to concerts and parties and Gerard would never have any fun. Frank can still remember the sadness in Mikey’s voice as he trailed off, saying vaguely that something happened with Gerard about five years ago that made Mikey give up on his social life. Apparently Mikey’s just left him alone about it ever since.

*_*_*

Frank ends up having desk duty again that morning. At around 9:30, a group of potential donors comes in for a tour. Maria always does the tours. She’s been here longer and is much better than Frank at talking up the place and selling all the reasons why rich people and organizations should donate money to the shelter.

Frank doesn’t mind the extra desk duty so much today. He’s hoping maybe Gerard will get here early enough that he’ll still be in the office and get a chance to see him when he comes in.

The day is already hot and Frank is sticky with sweat as he tries to get the little desk fan working. He’s on the floor under the desk, wrestling with the plug in the power strip when he hears the bell ring over the door. He jerks up immediately and bangs the top of his head against the underside of the desk.

“Ah, shit! Fuck!” he yells, and rubs his head vigorously as he stands up slowly.

He’s still rubbing his head when his vision stops swimming enough for him to see the man standing just inside the door, looking ill-at-ease. Frank tries to smile, but fears it ends up looking more like a grimace.

The dude just stands there. He’s wearing all black- black jeans, black hoodie (Hoodie? It’s fucking 90 degrees outside!), black hair falling over his face, and black sunglasses. This has got to be Gerard.

Finally, Frank stops rubbing his head, shakes it a little bit and walks around the desk, extending his hand. “Hi, you must be Gerard, I’m Frank.”

Gerard looks at his hand for a minute, considering it, before finally reaching out and shaking it. “Hi,” he says, stiffly. Gerard’s hand is clammy with sweat and he immediately rubs it on his jeans after letting go of Frank’s hand. “I’m sorry I startled you,” he says, gesturing at Frank’s head. “Are- are you okay?” he stutters a bit.

Frank rubs his head and smiles again. “Oh, I’ll be fine. That desk gets me every time. You’d think one day I would learn.”

Gerard just nods and finally pushes his sunglasses up on to the top of his head, pulling the long, black strands out of his face. And that’s when Frank first sees his eyes. All Frank can think is that Gerard Way has the most beautiful eyes he has ever seen. They are a brown/hazel color that is impossible to describe and they are so, so intense, with these big scraggly eyebrows. Now that Frank is really looking, he notices that Gerard has this cute little turned up nose, the kind of nose that you only see in anime drawings because people are not supposed have noses like that in real life, and there’s this one little freckle on the end of it, just off to one side. Then Gerard clears his throat and says, “Uh,” which makes Frank realize that he has no idea how long he’s been staring at Gerard’s face, but he’s certain that it’s been for an inappropriately long amount of time.

Frank backs up a step, remembering to breathe again (when had he started holding his breath?) and rubs his hands together. “So, you’re here for Pebbles!” he finally manages to say.

Gerard looks relieved and nods, “Yeah, yes for Mikey and Alicia. They said she’s not too big.”

“No, she’s not,” Frank assures him, wondering why the Way brothers seem to take issue with large dogs. “And you’re in luck! She just got back from the vet and has been groomed, so she’s all nice and clean and ready to go!”

“Oh good,” Gerard says, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot.

“Okay, I’ll just go and get her,” Frank says, as he heads back into the kennel to get Pebbles.

When he comes back into the office a few minutes later with the dog, he finds Gerard leaning against the counter reading a pamphlet entitled, ‘Adjusting to life with your new pet: ten easy steps.’

“Thinking about getting a dog?” Frank asks.

Gerard drops the pamphlet, apparently startled. “Oh! No, I um, was just curious. Just curious.”

Frank nods, handing the leash over to Gerard, whose hand is shaking a bit. “She’s a really good dog, she never even pulls on the leash, see?” Frank says, trying to be reassuring. “We think whoever owned her at first must have spent a lot of time leash-training her.”

Gerard still looks concerned, but less like he wants to run. “Uh, that’s good. Mikey will be glad. He said Alicia agreed she would walk the dog, but I’m not sure how long that’s going to last.” Something about this thought makes Gerard smile just a little and Frank thinks that Gerard Way has the most beautiful smile he’s ever seen.

Frank gets lost looking at that smile for a moment before Gerard finally coughs and starts looking around anxiously, the hand not holding the leash, scratching absently at his ear. “So, um… is there anything else?”

“Oh!” Frank realizes he’s been staring again. Seriously, what is his deal? “Yeah, I just need you to sign the release, and I need a photo ID, so I know that you really are Mikey’s brother.” Gerard looks at him quizzically, but pulls his driver’s license out of his pocket anyway. Frank feels compelled to explain. “We just need to have the ID on file if anyone other than the owners takes the dog, that’s all. It’s not like I don’t trust you or anything.”

“Fair enough,” Gerard says, shrugging.

Frank copies down Gerard’s license number and has him sign the release. For some reason, as he hands Gerard’s ID back to him, he blurts out, “Aren’t you hot?”

Gerard immediately blushes and drops his license on the floor and Frank feels like the biggest dick on the planet. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” he doesn’t know what he meant.

Gerard manages to pick up his license and gets it back into his pocket after some fumbling. “It’s fine,” he says. “I um, I like to keep the air conditioning pretty cold, so I don’t really tend to notice how hot it is until I go outside, but it’s like, the whole world is air conditioned now, so…” Gerard gestures vaguely with his hands.

Frank is nodding. “Oh yeah, of course, except here where we’re stuck in the dark ages with just a window air conditioner that hardly even works.”

“It’s not so bad,” Gerard says.

“It’s horrible,” Frank argues, “but it’s okay, a little sweat never killed anyone, right?” What is Frank saying? Why is he talking about sweating?

Gerard nods, smiling. “No, I guess not.” He finally starts moving toward the door, Pebbles obediently follows along with him and suddenly Frank realizes they are leaving.

“Wait!” He runs around to the front of the desk and kneels down to talk to Pebbles. He rubs her soft head, smoothing his hands over her silky ears. “Now listen,” he says to her, “You need to be a good girl for Mikey and Alicia.” Frank stares into her deep brown eyes and is certain that she understands. “They are my friends and you need to be a good dog for them, okay?” Once Frank is convinced that Pebbles has agreed to this, he leans down and kisses her on the white spot on top of her head, before slowly standing up. Gerard is smiling at him like he’s a goon and suddenly Frank feels his face heat up and knows he’s gone about six shades redder. Sometimes he forgets that people who don’t have pets might think it’s odd to talk to animals that way. Gerard isn’t laughing at him, though. He actually just looks… well, he looks happy. It’s a good look for him.

Frank shrugs and smiles. “Well, alright then. Take good care getting her home,” he says, finally retreating back behind the desk again.

“I will.” Gerard seems surer of himself, like he’s realized that Pebbles actually is just a nice little dog, not a frightening monster. He turns to leave, but stops when he gets to the door. “Thanks, Frank,” he says, and gives a little wave before walking out, holding the door open for Pebbles as she trails behind him.

“You’re welcome,” Frank breathes, as he watches them walk to the car. Gerard opens the car door and ushers Pebbles into the passenger seat. She gets in willingly, like she knows she’s finally going home. It makes Frank happy, Pebbles deserves a good home, all dogs do.

+ *_*_* +

Gerard isn’t sure what to make of this dog. From the corner of his eye as he’s driving, he can see that she’s sitting up and watching the road in front of them with utmost interest and no apprehension at all whatsoever.

“Why are you so trusting?” he asks her.

She just continues looking out the window, panting softly. They way the sides of her mouth curl up, it almost looks like she’s smiling.

“I could be taking you anywhere, you know? I might not be a nice person. Not all people like dogs.”

Pebbles turns and looks at him, regarding him for a moment and blinking slowly. Gerard feels that she’s trying to bait him and doesn’t take his eyes off the road. He imagines her answer would be something along the lines of, “Frank wouldn’t send me off with someone who would do anything bad to me.”

Gerard huffs and thinks of course he wouldn’t. Frank. Gerard gets stuck on that thought for a moment, long enough for Pebbles’ attention to be drawn to something out the side window.

They are stopped at a red light and Gerard begins chewing on his thumb nail. Frank, at first glance, does not look like the kind of guy who would talk to a dog like it’s a person. All those tattoos. So many that Gerard didn’t even know where to look first. He thinks that Frank is the kind of guy that everyone would assume is really tough, until they see him smile… or talk to a dog.

Gerard pulls a bit too hard at his thumbnail when the car behind him honks, startling him. He realizes the light is green at the same time he sees that he’s bitten his nail down to the quick and it’s bleeding. He sucks on his thumb for the rest of the drive to Mikey and Alicia’s house.

Once he’s parked, he fumbles around for a moment, trying to find the end of Pebbles’ leash. She notices his bleeding finger and begins licking enthusiastically at it, cleaning up the blood. “Oh eww!” he exclaims, “You really don’t have to do that.”

Gerard pulls his finger back, wiping it on his jeans and Pebbles gives him an odd look, as if to say, “Of course I have to do that, you’re bleeding.”

This dog thinks she has it all figured out.

Gerard smokes a cigarette as he walks Pebbles around the front yard for a while, giving her a chance to do her business before finally leading her inside. He promised he wouldn’t leave her alone, so he settles in to wait until Alicia gets home from work. He starts a pot of coffee brewing in the kitchen, turns the television on the Cartoon Network on mute, and then turns the thermostat down to 69 degrees. He’d make it colder, but he knows Mikey will complain about the electric bill and Alicia will complain that it’s freezing. They turn the temperature up to 78 while they’re out of the house during the day at work, Gerard doesn’t get how anyone can stand coming home to a hot house after working all day.

“Pebbles, you have a fur coat,” Gerard remarks, Pebbles looks at him as if he is captain obvious. “You have to tell them that 78 is too hot. You’re going to be too hot if they leave it that high while they’re gone.” Pebbles doesn’t seem particularly concerned, she merely resumes her interested sniffing of her new home.

Once the coffee is brewed, Gerard pours himself a cup and sits down with it and his sketchpad, fully intending to brainstorm story board ideas for his next comic. It seems all he wants to draw is dogs, though, and no story ideas involving dogs come to mind.

After sniffing every room in the small house, Pebbles finally returns to the living room where Gerard is sitting on the couch, drawing. She looks at him and the couch for a moment and then blinks, as though asking permission. Gerard has no idea if she’s allowed on the furniture or not. He decides that since he’s an uncle now, he can make the decision that Pebbles is allowed on the couch, even if only to cuddle with him. He pats the space next to him and she jumps up immediately, turning around in a circle three times before flopping down and falling asleep in about 35 seconds flat. Gerard absently pets her head where it’s resting on his leg and figures she probably is tired. It’s been an exciting day for her, so far.

What Gerard really can’t get over is how soft Pebbles is. He strokes her head over and over with his left hand, while he sketches with his right. He draws Pebbles; her long floppy ears, her wet black nose, the strip of white along the top of her muzzle. He eventually gets bored with detailed drawings and flips to a new page to begin a rough sketch of Pebbles standing in front of the desk at the animal shelter. It doesn’t take him long to get her form drawn and then without really thinking about it, Gerard begins to draw Frank, kneeling down in front of Pebbles, his tattooed hands gently holding either side of her head. Frank is looking into Pebbles’ eyes and from his serious expression you can tell he is saying something gravely important.

Gerard works for a while on Frank’s tattoos, trying his best to remember as many of them as he can. He has no trouble remembering Frank’s face- his freakishly perfect brows; the deep folds of his eyelids; the freckles on his nose; his soft-looking, moist lips. Gerard finishes the drawing of Frank, with wisps of dark brown, almost-black hair falling down to just cover his ears and lay in comma shaped, almost-curls over his forehead, just barely touching his eyebrows.

Gerard considers the drawing for a moment. He can’t figure out what’s missing. Then, he sees it. It’s Pebbles. He adds lines to indicate movement in her tail. Her tail was wagging the whole time Frank was talking to her. As if Frank giving her his devoted attention, even for a moment, made Pebbles feel like the most important dog in the world.

Gerard laughs. “I get it,” he says, looking down at Pebbles, who is stubbornly pretending to still be asleep. “You have a crush on Frank.” Pebbles doesn’t open her eyes to answer him, but Gerard isn’t fooled. “You totally do,” he says fondly, still stroking her soft fur.

+ *_*_* +

By Saturday night, it’s become apparent to Frank that it’s not going to be easy to get Gerard Way out of his head.

Frank’s not even sure exactly what it is that’s got him so fixated. Gerard didn’t do or say anything super cool or funny. Frank doesn’t really even know enough from what Mikey’s told him to be able to say he finds Gerard interesting. After going around in circles in his mind for what seems like forever, Frank has to admit to himself that what keeps sticking in his head is just the gorgeous intensity of Gerard’s eyes and smile. Frank feels that he’d like to spend time in the company of Gerard Way as much as humanly possible, simply in order to be in close proximity to those eyes and that smile.

Realizing it’s that simple is almost disappointing, though, because it makes Frank feel like he’s just infatuated, and he’s always thought of himself as the kind of guy who doesn’t get like that. Not that it’s wrong to find people attractive, but Frank doesn’t like the idea that perhaps he’s become obsessed with someone based purely on what they look like. It all just feels so shallow.

Frank can’t talk himself out of it, though, and by the start of his band’s set on Saturday night, it’s eating at him in a way that has him wanting to crawl out of his skin. What he wants, more than anything, is just to see Gerard again, if only to confirm that he really is stunningly beautiful and that Frank’s response to him wasn’t just some kind of heat-induced delusion.

Strike the Demon’s set is great. The crowd has tons of energy and Frank throws it right back at them, doing more yelling than singing into the microphone. He’s been drinking steadily since before the show, but he seems to sweat most of it out while he’s playing, because he only feels a bit buzzed as he hops off the side of the stage after their final song. He manages to grab the last beer from their stage stash and downs it fast while helping the guys cart all their stuff back to the van. By the time Frank’s wrapping up the last cord and putting it in its crate by the amps, he’s finally starting to feel loose after all the emotion he let go onstage. There’s nothing like the liquid, boneless feeling that comes after a show. It’s like Frank has just sweat out all of the bad toxins and spit out all of the emotional poison that’s been building up inside him since the last show and now he’s clean again.

Once the van is finally all packed up with their equipment, Frank heads back inside the club. He wants to hear the band that’s going on after them and he needs to find Mikey Way. It feels immature, but he wants to talk about Gerard, and the only person Frank can think of who knows him well is Mikey.

Mikey’s at the bar, as Frank had hoped he would be, but he’s busy talking to some guys from the band that played before Strike the Demons. It’s a couple of younger guys, late-teens, early twenties, maybe. Their punk band was good, they have a lot of potential and they seem to have already figured out that Mikey Way is the guy on the scene to talk to if you want to get noticed.

They talk Mikey’s ear off for a good forty minutes about their hopes and dreams and aspirations. Mikey’s a good sport, nodding his head and saying “yeah,” during the appropriate pauses. Frank laughs to himself as he listens. God bless Mikey, he’s heard all this before, dozens of times over in all the years he’s been in this business. At the end of it, Frank knows he’s going to say what he says to all young bands that show potential: Practice hard, be committed, and don’t give up. Then he’s going to do everything he can to help them get exposure. Mikey’s good at what he does, managing young bands who are trying to make it. And he’s a good person, because he’ll do his best to help any band with even an ounce of talent, whether he’s technically ‘managing’ them or not.

Frank’s actually known Mikey for years. They’ve been running in some of the same circles since all the way back when Frank was in Pencey Prep. That was back when Frank had this idea that he was going to be some kind of rock star. He doesn’t like to think about how hard it was for him when Pencey broke up. Frank ended up leaving the scene for a while after that. It was just too hard to be around the shows and the crowds while he was coming to grips with the fact that his life wasn’t going to turn out the way he’d always thought it would.

Frank ponders this over another beer while listening to Mikey in the background, trying to diplomatically wind-up his conversation with the punk kids. It was about three years ago that Frank finally got back into the scene, because of Mike and James. Frank had just moved into his current apartment after Ray bought the building and offered him a good deal on the rent. Mike and James own a bar near the building, and Frank started going there regularly after work. One day over a beer, they all started talking music. Frank learned that they were both musicians in their spare time. Neither one had been in a band for a while, but they were looking to start a new one, something fun and low key; something to do on the weekends, no pressure. It turned out to be exactly what Frank needed. He’d never stopped playing or anything, but it was nice to get back into doing shows and being onstage. It felt good. And they’ve turned out to be really good. For a local band with no real aspirations, they have a decent following of area fans who make every show a blast and really, that’s all Frank needs now. He doesn’t need to be famous.

Playing shows with Strike the Demons is how Frank reconnected with Mikey. But it’s only been in the last year or so that he’d say Mikey’s really become a friend. After getting burned with Pencey, regardless of how many years it’s been, Frank’s been careful about letting his guard down with anyone in the industry. He’s pretty much decided, though, that Mikey Way really is as awesome a dude as he seems to be, which is probably why he’s so universally loved.

Mikey’s finally saying goodnight to the kids and Frank realizes that he has no idea how many beers he’s had. He’s been sitting here for a while, listening and pondering. The band that was on after them has just announced this is their last song and things are beginning to get a bit fuzzy. But Mikey’s finally turning to look at him with a half smile and a hand on his shoulder and saying, “Awesome show, dude, you never disappoint.” And Frank feels happy in his fuzziness.

Frank has pretty much no mouth-to-brain filter at this point and he basically figures, what the hell? He might as well be direct, it’s not like he’s in high school or something here. Frank grips Mikey’s arm, probably a bit too tightly. “Dude,” he says.

Mikey looks at him with amusement, likely realizing how drunk Frank is. “What’s up, man?”

Frank can’t help it, he spits out, “Dude, your brother is fucking gorgeous.”

Mikey’s eyebrows shoot up at this declaration. “Gerard?”

Frank laughs. “Do you have another brother?”

Mikey rolls his eyes. “Really, Frank? I don’t…”

Frank is nodding. “Yeah, it’s just… his eyes and like…” He waves his hand. “I don’t know… his smile.”

“I don’t- wait, you saw Gerard smile?” Mikey asks, incredulous.

“Yeah, man, it was like, blinding. Like looking into the sun.”

Mikey just blinks at Frank for a moment. He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something then closes it again.

Frank finds this to be hilarious and he starts cracking up. “Mikeyway, you are so funny.” He takes a swallow of his beer and thinks of something. “Mikey.” He puts his hands on Mikey’s shoulders and looks at him earnestly. Frank doesn’t know why he didn’t think of this sooner, but he suddenly realizes it’s really important. “Mikey, does Gerard date dudes? Please, please tell me he likes guys.”

Mikey is nodding slowly. “He does.” He stops and sighs. “Yeah, Frank, he likes guys, but he doesn’t really date.”

Frank thinks that’s fair enough. Traditional dating is not for everyone. He finally drops his arms from Mikey’s shoulders when he realizes they’re getting tired. Mikey looks relieved and turns to take a swallow of his beer. “So, okay, so he doesn’t do the ‘dating’ thing, but like… he likes to fuck guys, right?”

Mikey spits out his drink and looks at Frank in mock horror. “Okay, now this,” Mikey wipes at his mouth with the back of his sleeve, “this is getting to be a bit much. Honestly, if you really like him that way, you need to talk to Gerard.”

Frank pouts a bit, leaning his head on his hand on the bar. “But you said he never leaves his house.”

Mikey shrugs. “Well, rarely. He rarely leaves his house if he doesn’t have to. He’s not like, scared to go outside or anything. He just doesn’t like it.” Mikey pauses, apparently considering Gerard’s situation. “It’s a nice house. It’s basically an art studio that he lives in. I mean, I can see why he likes it so much, why he doesn’t feel compelled to go out. Everything he loves is there.”

Frank is intrigued. He finishes drinking what he’s now decided will be his last beer. “That all sounds kinda rehearsed, Mikes. Are these Gerard’s words?” He eyes him critically. “Is that how he tries to convince you he’s okay?”

Mikey looks thoughtful and shakes himself a bit. “Yeah, I suppose I’ve let him convince me,” he says, nodding. “I can’t make him into someone he’s not.”

The club starts to quiet down a bit now as people are leaving now that the last band has finished. Mikey drinks some more of his beer before he continues talking. “Gerard’s 39 years old and he lives like he’s allergic to sunshine. He’s not suicidal. He has a successful career. He just doesn’t like people very much, or noise, or crowded places, or anything unfamiliar. But he’s fine.” Mikey looks directly at Frank now, his expression challenging, almost confrontational.

Frank doesn’t know how to respond to this. He opens his mouth to say something like, “oh, ok” but Mikey cuts him off.

“Frank, you don’t want my brother like that, not like that.”

This annoys Frank. Mikey can’t know what he wants. “How do you know that? Maybe I could fall in love with Gerard?”

Mikey’s expression hardens. It almost resembles… anger? Could that be? Why, though? “Frank, do you even like guys anymore? I don’t remember you dating any guys since Leslie.”

Now Frank feels defensive. “I like guys,” he says softly. “I’ve always liked guys.” His voice starts to rise a bit. “Just because I had a serious girlfriend doesn’t mean I stopped liking guys.”

“No, I know that. I didn’t mean-” Mikey rubs his face, clearly exasperated. “I mean, like, when was the last time you actually slept with a dude?”

Oh, that. Well. “I’ve um, you know, messed around some?” Frank doesn’t think Mikey’s talking about drunken hand jobs or even blowjobs in bathrooms and alleys, right now.

Mikey nods. His voice is quiet and deadly serious when he speaks again. “Yeah, you see, that’s the thing about Gerard. You can’t ‘mess around’ with him. It doesn’t work.” Mikey puts a hand on Frank’s arm and squeezes. Frank suddenly feels very sober. “It’s not like I’m going to forbid you to go after my brother. I know you’re a good guy, Frankie, but Gerard’s kind of a lot to take. For some people… for most people, he’s not really worth it.” Mikey removes his hand. Seemingly certain now that he has Frank’s full attention. “Just don’t rush into anything with him and don’t get your hopes up. He’s not an easy person to love.” Mikey’s quiet for a minute before his expression softens and his mouth turns up a bit at one corner. “Just think about it, what I’ve told you. Give it a week. If you’re still interested, well maybe I can try to get him out of the house again.”

*_*_*

When Mikey first said, "Give it a week," Frank was feeling pretty okay with that. Maybe it was because he was drunk, or maybe because Mikey finally seemed to be done with the silly "my brother is not fit for dating" business, or maybe it was just because a week really isn't that long in the grand scheme of things. Frank's not really sure why, but he certainly wasn't as bothered by the thought of a week then as he is now. Because it turns out that a week is a really fucking long time when you are as obsessed and fixated as Frank is.

It's only Monday evening, but it feels like it's been years since Frank's conversation with Mikey on Saturday night after the show. If Frank was only infatuated with Gerard before talking to Mikey, now he is beyond infatuated. He is like, creepy levels of intrigued and fascinated with the very idea of Gerard Way: the Difficult-to-Love Recluse. Maybe more than simply interested in sleeping with the actual person of Gerard Way: the quiet, but seemingly nice-enough guy who wears hoodies in the summer and may or may not be afraid of big dogs. On top of all of this, and despite how immature and reckless he knows it is, he also feels challenged. He's always been the kind of guy who wants something more when someone tells him he can't have it. Maybe Mikey thought that his seriousness and honesty about Gerard would dissuade Frank from this foolish path of possible courtship. But in reality, it's only made Frank more interested, more determined; because Frank just can't see how anyone as beautiful as Gerard can be so difficult to love that he not only doesn't date, but rarely even leaves his house.

Frank ponders all of this as he folds and puts away all his clean laundry- nice, neat pile of crisp white undershirts, next to all his socks, black and white, rolled up in their little separate piles. Folding soothes the shit out of Frank usually, but it isn't helping today. Mikey's words keep coming back to him and all Frank can figure is that there's simply something about Gerard that people aren't getting- even Mikey, as much as he clearly loves his brother. Frank supposes that now Gerard has become like some kind of puzzle in his mind, he just wants to make the puzzle make sense.

Frank's rational mind knows that this is all ludicrous, of course. He plays Devil's advocate with himself as he lays all of his jeans in a neat pile on the shelf in his closet. He knows that he is setting himself up for disappointment right now. Mikey told him not to get his hopes up. Frank knows that Gerard could turn out to be just a totally weird guy- a creepy, unlovable, socially awkward loser. Yet, as much as Frank tries to warn himself of this possibility, he simply can't be convinced that it's true. He knows he's only met Gerard once, but it was a mostly pleasant meeting. All signs point to Gerard being a perfectly nice, if misunderstood, aloof and artistic type of guy. Frank's dealt with artistic types before. He deals with Ray, who's the most musically artistic person he knows. He's certain he can handle Gerard.

Thinking of Ray gives Frank an idea. He quickly finishes up putting his clothes away and sends Ray a text.

bored out of my mind tonight. What u doing? Want 2 do pizza and Xbox?

Frank's a bit disappointed when Ray doesn't respond right away. He sighs and decides to take the dogs out. It's still sweltering outside, but he knows it's really not fair for him to keep them cooped up inside all the time just because he's a pussy who can't handle a little heat. He gets them all hooked up on their leashes and walks them down the street to the park. There aren't any kids at the playground since it's getting kind of late, so he lets them run around a bit while he sits down on a bench and has a cigarette. Sometimes the neighbors complain that Frank lets the dogs off their leashes too much, but he just can't stand keeping them tethered up all the time. Dogs are meant to run. It's bad enough that Frank doesn't have a yard of his own for them to run around in, and the nearest dog park is two towns away. They’re always good about coming back when Frank calls them, so he figures as long as no one's around to be scared by them, it's really no one else's business.

Frank's phone buzzes in his pocket, startling him out of his internal self-righteously indignant monologue. It's a text from Ray.

just got done w last student. Pizza and Xbox sounds great. 8 ok? Bring beer.

Frank laughs to himself. He owes Ray beer because he let him pay last month’s rent three days late. It's really a nice system they have worked out. Frank gets a flexible rent payment date, and Ray gets free beer. Although, Frank is sure that Ray can afford all the beer he wants at this point. He’s doing well now with the three apartment buildings and two music stores he owns, not to mention all the freelance work he still does teaching guitar lessons and occasionally doing studio work as a session guitarist. Frank's happy for him. Ray's been able to take his great mind for business and his passion for music and run with it, and he's got himself set up really comfortably.

And also now there's Christa. Christa's been living with Ray for almost a month and they’re engaged, and yet Frank still manages to forget about her sometimes, as he does tonight when he knocks on Ray's door and Christa answers it. Even though seeing her surprises him, it's a nice surprise. Christa makes Frank smile because she is the kind of girl who is only supposed to exist in fantasies, not in real life. She's somehow managed to so seamlessly integrate herself into Ray's life and space that it's really easy to just forget that she's there. She is the most unobtrusive, unassuming, gentle, sweet, and kind person Frank has ever met. This, of course, makes her perfect for Ray, because Ray is a lot like that, too.

Right now, Christa’s smiling at Frank and leaning in to give him a hug, "Hey, Frankie," she says, patting his cheek. Then she turns around and calls out, "Frank's here!" before turning back to Frank. "I'm actually leaving," she explains. "Going to the movies with a friend. If you're gone before I get back, be sure and give those dogs kisses for me!" And then she's gone, leaving a scent-trail of some kind of delightful flowery perfume behind her. She always tells him to kiss the dogs for her. It's like, her special goodbye signature just for Frank. Frank doesn’t really understand what it's about, but he finds it adorable, so he doesn't question it.

Frank finds Ray already on the couch getting Red Dead Redemption cued up to the level where they left off the last time they played. "Pizza should be here in about twenty minutes. What kind of beer did you bring me?"

Frank holds up a six pack of Ice House a little sheepishly. This offering is pretty low, even for him. Things were just really tight last month. He had an unexpected car repair.

Ray raises an eyebrow. "Dude, you need to do better than that next time, or I might have to rethink this arrangement."

Frank shakes his head vigorously. "This is a one time only deal, I promise. It was just the car last month-"

Ray waves him off before he can finish. "Sure, sure Iero, excuses, excuses." He's smiling, though.

Frank laughs and grabs for his controller. "Okay, now I'm gonna kick your ass, Toro."

And Frank does, several times, in fact, before the pizza even arrives.

Frank impresses himself by waiting until they've each had a piece before he delves into the reason he thought of hanging out with Ray tonight. He affects as casual a tone as he can. "So, hey, you know anything about Gerard Way?"

Ray looks thoughtful as he finishes chewing his bite and swallows. "Mikey Way's brother?"

Frank nods.

"Yeah, he writes that comic series, it's great, uh..." Ray pauses for a moment, thinking. "Umbrella Academy. It's really pretty awesome, you read it?"

And now Frank feels like an imbecile. Because he has read it. Every issue. He's pretty sure he even has a couple of volumes of it in his apartment mixed in with all his other comics and graphic novels. It's not like, his favorite thing in the world ever, but it is pretty great. And really popular as far as Frank knows, not that he follows comics as much as he used to. He just feels like an idiot because he knew once upon a time that it was Mikey Way's brother who wrote Umbrella Academy, but it never seemed important before. And now here he's been obsessing over Gerard since last Thursday and it didn't even occur to him to go and actually read the comics of this artistic genius that he's supposed to have a mad crush on.

Frank realizes that Ray's looking at him expectantly as he chews, waiting for Frank to answer the question. "Yeah, I've read it. It's good. I was just wondering. Do you know anything else about him?" Frank begins chewing on his thumbnail. He seriously feels like a world-class creeper right now.

Ray doesn't seem creeped-out, though. "I don't know much, really. I met him a few times, back in the day when he used to come out to his boyfriend's shows a lot."

Frank's heart skips a beat. Mikey certainly made it sound like Gerard is single now. But, boyfriend? Back in the day, Gerard had a boyfriend? Who was in a band? "Boyfriend?" is all Frank manages to get out in response to this new bit of information.

Ray nods. "Sure. Bert. Uh, whatshisname... Bert McCracken, you know, from The Used?” Ray pauses, apparently interpreting Frank’s shock as lack of awareness. “Oh well, I guess you were kinda out of the scene at that time."

Frank is offended, he wasn't that aloof. "Fuck, seriously, Ray? The Used? I know who the fuckin’ Used are, they got big for a while!"

Ray shrugs. "Yeah, that's a lot of the time when Gerard and Bert were together. Like, it was at least a couple of years, maybe three, I don't know. It was a long time."

Frank's brain tries to play catch up and process what Ray's telling him. "Wow, I guess I'd heard of Bert, but like,” he waves his hand. “I didn't even know he was gay. Or at least, I mean really gay. You know, not just fun, messing around gay."

"Yup, that was like, part of what ended things, I guess? I mean, I don't really know, it probably isn't right for me to even be saying anything." Ray trails off, looking uneasy.

"But what happened, though?" Frank has to know. "Like, what? Bert changed his mind or something?"

Ray waves his hands dramatically. "Fuck, Frankie, I don't know. I don't know any of those guys that well, you know that.” Ray stops and appears to be considering. “No, I don't think Bert changed his mind, I think he just wasn't as committed or something. You know how it is, relationships end because of that." Ray looks pointedly at Frank, now. "You know exactly what that's like, Frank, when one person isn't as committed, it's not as simple as changing your mind, there's always more to it.”

Ray's right and Frank knows it. He sits back into the couch and begins chewing on his thumbnail again. He briefly ponders just letting the conversation go, but Ray continues speaking. "Anyway, so I guess it was a bad breakup. Gerard took it really hard and he just hasn’t been around again since then." Ray plays absentmindedly with his fro for a minute. "It was kinda sad, actually, because before Bert, Mikey would always drag Gerard out to shows and parties and he'd be miserable and then when he found Bert, it was like he just came out of his shell, you know? He would smile and actually look happy. It was nice." Ray stops for a minute and cracks his neck. "But then once it ended, Gerard just kind of... faded away, I guess. I mean, obviously he still writes his comic books and does art or whatever, but he never comes to shows anymore. I haven't seen him in, oh... it's got to be going on five years now."

Fuck, five years. "That's a long time to stay away."

"Mmmhmmm. I don't think it's like Gerard isn't over Bert or anything. I think he just never liked the scene that much to begin with.” Ray grabs his beer off the coffee table. “And now with no Bert and Mikey leaving him alone about it, I can see where Gerard would feel like there's no reason to try to come back. He's not in a band or anything, so..."

"That makes sense," Frank agrees, nodding absently while his mind reels.

"Sometimes people will ask about him and ask Mikey to try and get him to come out. I mean, dude was a lot of fun. People liked him even though I don't think he ever really understood why." Ray takes a swallow of his beer. "Mikey won't bother him about it anymore, though, I think he feels guilty."

"How come?"

Ray looks thoughtful. "I guess he feels partly responsible for everything that happened, because... well, it was Mikey who set up Bert and Gerard in the first place."

Oh wow, Frank is kind of floored by that. But it definitely explains a lot about why Mikey was acting so weird on Saturday night.

Ray picks up all the napkins from the pizza and the empty beer cans and throws them away. "Why did you want to know all this stuff about Gerard, anyway?" he finally asks.

This startles Frank out of his reverie. "Oh, um, no big reason. I just happened to meet him last week. He came to pick up Mikey's dog at the shelter. I was just curious about him, that's all."

"Ah, ok," Ray says, sitting down and picking up the controller again. "Did he look good when you saw him?"

It takes Frank's brain a moment to process what Ray means by this. "Oh! Yeah, yeah, he looked good."

"That's good," Ray says, smiling. "I always thought he was a pretty good dude who just got a raw deal. Think he deserved better than that. I've always hoped he was doing okay."

"Yeah, I think he is," Frank says, smiling to himself.

Frank dies three times in a row on the next level before he has to admit to himself that he's now too distracted to play Red Dead tonight. He keeps playing for Ray's sake, though. Ray's excitement and glee over beating Frank so many times is just too much fun.

+ *_*_* +

Gerard has never really thought of himself as a dog person. He has no problem at all with dogs. He’s spent plenty of time around them and enjoys playing with his friends’ and relatives’ dogs. He’s just never really desired to have one of his own and he wouldn’t say he’s ever become attached to any one dog in particular. Until now.

He suspects that he might be a dog person and just doesn’t know it. Because he’s become attached. To a dog. Specifically, Pebbles.

Gerard very much enjoyed spending the day with her on Thursday. She was a nice quiet companion for him while he was drawing. She always looked at him and regarded him when he spoke to her or asked her a question. And she communicated well with some kind of brain telepathy because Gerard always seemed to be able to understand what her responses to his questions would be if she were actually able to talk.

For some odd reason, Gerard dreams about her on Tuesday morning and therefore, wakes up thinking about her. Her smiling, panting face, and rotating, wagging tail are stuck in his head all day. He wants to see her again, he wants to draw her and he wants to pet her soft fur. By evening, he finds himself trying to think up excuses to go over to Mikey and Alicia’s house.

It only takes one tour of his house for him to find three different items that technically belong to Mikey and Alicia. He decides to use returning things as an excuse to drop by. Their house is a good fifteen minute drive from his house, though, not exactly convenient for dropping off items that probably are not that important since Gerard has no idea how long they’ve actually been in his house. So he also makes up a story about craving a certain kind of lemon cream donut that’s only available at the bakery by their house. When Alicia answers the door, this is the story that he spins for why he’s dropping by and also he wants to see if he left his favorite black pen here on Thursday.

Alicia stares at him, dumbfounded for a moment, before backing up and letting him into the house. Gerard’s thrilled to discover that Mikey isn’t at home to give him the third degree in an effort to uncover every possible motive for his decision to leave his house twice in one week.

Alicia doesn’t ask questions, but she does stare at him suspiciously when he sets down on the dining room table Mikey’s Lego Hoth set up kit (with all of the pieces carefully returned to the box- so that the full set is there including the characters and their weapons), a blender that Gerard thinks he borrowed from Mikey and Alicia when he was doing a project experimenting with fruit smoothie paint, and Mikey’s VHS copy of The Neverending Story.

Gerard shrugs in response to Alicia’s quizzical expression. “I was cleaning. Also, I got some of those amazing lemon cream donuts, you want one?” He brandishes the box at her. She blinks at him exactly three times before taking one from the box and biting into it.

That’s when Gerard feels something pushing insistently against the side of his leg. He looks down to find Pebbles with her wet, black nose and her mismatched whiskers. Tail wagging gleefully, and tongue hanging out to lick at his hand when he reaches down to pet her.

“Hi Pebbles!” He can’t help the excited tone that escapes with his greeting as he bends down to cuddle her. She nuzzles at his cheek and licks his nose, acting like it hasn’t only been a few days since she’s seen him, but months, and she feared he was never coming back. Gerard isn’t sure exactly how she manages to make him feel so special, but it doesn’t seem put-on or affected. If nothing else, Pebbles is completely genuine, which is something he can’t say for most people.

“Gerard?”

Gerard looks up, startled. “Oh, um, I’m just going to look around a little bit and see if I can find that pen.”

Alicia cocks her head to the side and considers him for a moment before seeming to come to a decision. “Okay, whatever. I’ll be in the office if you need me. I have a game of World of Warcraft going, and we’re raiding, so…”

Gerard waves his hands at her. “Go, go, it’s fine. I know my way around. I’ll just put the donuts in the kitchen.”

Alicia just shakes herself a bit and goes back into the office with her donut.

Gerard looks down at Pebbles as she trails after him into the kitchen. “People will tell you that your parents are weird for playing role play games with strangers on the internet. They are wrong.” Gerard nods, as if that will drive the point home more firmly to the dog. “People who are satisfied to exist only within their own mundane, ordinary lives are the strange ones. They have no imagination, no sense of wonder or desire to dream, no appreciation for the joy of experimenting with the ‘what if’s’ and ‘perhaps this’ and ‘what about’s’ of an alternate identity that is altogether safe to explore with because it isn’t real.” Pebbles is sitting at Gerard’s feet, riveted. “You are lucky, Pebbles. Your parents have imagination.” Pebbles blinks at Gerard exactly three times and seems to say, “Well, of course.” As if she’s figured all this out already about Mikey and Alicia in just four days.

Gerard decides to stay a while, so he brews a pot of coffee. When Alicia comes back into the kitchen an hour later, he hears her words in his head before she speaks them. “You made a full pot of regular coffee at nine-o-clock at night?” They may have had this conversation before.

She comes up behind Gerard where he’s sitting at the table, working on a detailed sketch of Pebbles’ right paw. “Awww, her paws are so cute, aren’t they?”

Gerard nods and ‘hmmms’ and gets up to drain the last cup of coffee from the bottom of the pot. When he turns back toward the table, Alicia’s flipping through his sketch book, looking at all the drawings he’s done of Pebbles in the last few days. She stops when she gets to the sketch with Frank in it.

“Damn, he has a lot of tattoos,” she says, sounding almost in awe.

Gerard walks over and looks at the sketch with her. “Yeah, I know I didn’t remember a lot of them right.”

Alicia touches her index fingernail to the drawing, tapping softly with her nail. “Hmmm. You should go back to get a better look.”

“What? Go back to the animal shelter?” Gerard asks, “Why?”

“To see Frank’s tattoos. You’re an artist Gerard, you can totally use that, you know?” Alicia looks up at him. “Don’t tell me you never thought of doing that before?” She smiles. “People are narcissistic. Tell them you just want to draw them and they’ll let you hang around all you want.”

“But I don’t want- Frank isn’t… He’s not narcissistic.” Gerard isn’t sure why it’s so important to him to say that.

Alicia laughs. “Frank’s a musician. He’s narcissistic, believe me. It’s a requirement for the job.” She closes the sketchbook and starts lining up all of Gerard’s pens and pencils next to it. “Anyway, you should go back to the shelter. You said he was really nice to you on Thursday.”

Gerard scratches the back of his head and makes a sour face. “I’m not going to go around bothering everyone that’s nice to me.”

Alicia gently places her hand on Gerard’s cheek. “He wouldn’t be bothered.” She turns her hand over and rubs the backs of her nails against his stubble, the most disconcerting look on her face for several seconds. She drops her hand abruptly and says, “So, are we digging out the VHS player so we can give the empress a new name, or what?”

+ *_*_* +

Frank doesn’t end up needing to wait a week.

At some point in the future, a small part of him will wish that he’d had more time to process what Ray had told him the night before, but the bigger part of him is just glad that he doesn’t end up having to wait another day. He’s also glad that, in the end, Mikey doesn’t even have to set it up.

Frank isn’t on desk duty on Wednesday afternoon when Gerard comes in. He’s in the back, in the kennel, re-labeling all the crates since they’ve had seven adoptions in the last three days and all the dogs have been shifted around.

When he looks up from where he’s sitting, fighting with the old label-maker, and sees Gerard, he thinks he’s hallucinating, that he’s just been sitting and sweating in this hot kennel for too long. When Gerard stops right in front of him and smiles down at him, pushing his sunglasses up on to the top of his head, he thinks, ‘I’m not delusional, he really is that pretty.’

Frank loses all motor awareness and finds himself smiling back and standing up without actually directing his body to do either of these things. “Hi, Gerard.” Gerard’s smile is so big, it almost looks maniacal. If Frank didn’t know a few things about him already, he might be a bit frightened. “What’s up? Everything okay with Pebbles?”

Gerard looks like he’s about to speak then falters a bit. “Pebbles? Oh, Pebbles is fine. She’s great, actually. She’s a really great dog. You know, I think she understands most of what we say to her? She’s really smart and she’s like, super honest, you know? Like, she couldn’t pretend to be anything other than who she is, even if she wanted to.”

Frank knows, exactly. “Yeah, I know what you mean.” He nods, still smiling, but he’s getting more curious by the second about why Gerard is actually here.

Gerard grins and nods at Frank, then seems to remember something. “Oh! Okay, um, here’s the thing. Uh…” He scratches the back of his neck. “Did you know that I’m an artist?”

“Yeah, Mikey told me.”

“Right, okay, so… So I draw, right? So I’m working on this drawing, I want to um… It’s a drawing of Pebbles? From last week? So I’m going to give it to Mikey and Alicia, you know, like, as a gift? Something they could frame.” Gerard gestures with his hand now, indicating something vaguely frame-shaped, and Frank notices that he’s carrying a notebook of some kind. “Anyway, the thing is I need your help to be able to finish the drawing, because I want it to be good, you know? I want to make sure I get it right.”

Frank is not following this at all. He thinks it must show on his face because Gerard stops and opens up the notebook which Frank can now see is actually a sketchpad. He flips it open to a drawing of Pebbles by the desk in the animal shelter office and Frank sees himself and it suddenly all makes sense. Gerard puts a hand on Frank’s arm gently. “See? I couldn’t remember them all, the tattoos. I just… I just need to make sure I get them right.”

Frank doesn’t know what to do. He only feels the tiniest bit freaked out. Mostly he’s just stunned by how much detail Gerard managed to grasp in their one short meeting. He doesn’t know if this is really just about a drawing or not. It feels like it’s not, but Gerard is a weird enough guy that it could be. Frank decides that he really doesn’t care. He just wants to be around Gerard, the reason isn’t important. “What do you need me to do?”

Gerard grins and Frank is blinded. “You don’t really have to do anything. You can keep working, doing whatever it was you were doing, just… just let me look at you. I don’t think it will take me very long.”

And just like that, Gerard is sitting a few feet away from Frank with his sketchpad open, erasing and scribbling vigorously. Well… Frank’s fairly sure it’s not actually scribbling, it just seems sort of like that with how enthusiastic he’s being about it. After a few minutes of just listening to Gerard work while Frank affixes all the new labels to the crates, Frank starts getting antsy. “Will it distract you if I put on some music?”

“No, not at all,” Gerard answers quickly. Frank gets up to plug his iPod into the speakers he has back here and immediately a Misfits song comes on. Gerard looks up to say, “You have good taste,” before determinedly focusing on drawing again.

Gerard continues to watch from a safe distance as Frank finishes up all the labeling and rotates a new section of dogs from the kennel out into the yard. He makes sure the dogs all have plenty of water and dry bedding and loads a big bunch of towels and sheets into the washing machine. When he turns around, he finds Gerard standing in front of him, smiling.

“I think I’ve got everything.” He holds the drawing up to show Frank. “What do you think?”

Frank thinks… Frank thinks the drawing is amazing. Gerard’s captured that moment as well as a photograph would have, maybe better. He honestly can’t even believe it, how Gerard’s managed to infuse all the seriousness of Frank’s emotions and Pebbles’ excitement into the drawing. Frank doesn’t really know from art, but he is certain that not just anyone can draw like this. “I like it. I… I love it.”

Gerard positively beams at Frank now and Frank feels some kind of compulsion to confess his undying love and devotion or some shit, he doesn’t even know.

“Thanks, Frank. I’m glad.” Gerard puts his hand on Frank’s forearm and squeezes it a bit. “I’m really glad you like it.” And then he’s turning, as if he’s leaving and Frank starts to panic.

“You have to go?” His voice comes out higher than he’d like.

Gerard turns back, looking puzzled. “Well, I’m kinda done.” He gestures with his sketchpad and lets it fall against his thigh.

“No, I know, I just…” Frank’s shoulders drop as he blows out from his lower lip, lifting his bangs off his forehead. He tries not to sound sulky when he continues. “I get off in about twenty minutes and I thought maybe… I was hoping that we could hang out.”

Gerard appears genuinely surprised. “Oh! Oh, um… Well, I guess I don’t see why not, I don’t have any plans.”

“Really?” Frank’s not sure why he’s so surprised, but he’s relieved.

“Sure.” Gerard flaps his arm vaguely. “I can wait around if that’s okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s totally fine. Almost no one ever comes in this late in the day, anyway.”

“Okay, awesome. So I’ll just…” Gerard lifts the sketchpad and waves it toward the office and waiting area.

Frank nods. “Okay, I’ll be up in a little while.”

Frank doesn’t think he’s ever rushed through closing up the kennel so quickly before. He goes through the closing checklist and manages to get everything done in fifteen minutes flat, which is a record for him. Then he grabs his iPod off the speakers and heads up to the office where he finds Maria chatting cheerfully with Gerard.

“You didn’t tell me you knew an artist!” she says with a saucy grin.

“We only met last week.” Frank shrugs.

“Sure, sure, only I don’t believe you. I think you’ve been hiding him from me because he’s so cute and you don’t want me to make a move!” Maria waggles her eyebrows at him.

Frank and Gerard both blush instantly at this and Maria cracks up. Frank looks at Gerard and sees that despite his deep shade of crimson, he is smiling too, and he’s sort of pressed his lips together in a way that is very distracting. Frank lets himself laugh at how easily Maria made them both blush.

After saying goodnight to Maria, Frank and Gerard shuffle out to the parking lot and suddenly Frank doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do. He didn’t have any kind of plan for this at all.

Gerard turns toward him as he pulls his sunglasses down over his eyes. He leans against the side of his car and pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, waving them toward Frank in offering. Frank nods and Gerard lights up a cigarette for himself, before handing the pack and the lighter to Frank.

Frank lights up, hands the pack and lighter back to Gerard and they smoke in silence for a few minutes. Frank wants to invite Gerard somewhere, to do something specific, but his mind is blank. He really doesn’t know what he’s going for here. All he really knew when he mentioned hanging out is that he didn’t want Gerard to leave. And now Gerard’s here and he doesn’t know what to do with him. He knows what he’d like to do with him, but he thinks it would be a little sudden to just push him up against the side of the car, throw both cigarettes away, and start kissing his brains out.

Frank is about ask Gerard what he wants to do, but before he can get the words out, Gerard steps toward him, takes a deep breath, and says, “Okay, I gotta be completely honest here, just so you know what you’re getting into, if we’re going to hang out.” Gerard’s voice is deadly serious.

“Okay.”

Gerard drops his cigarette and stomps it out with his foot. He shoves his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, squares his shoulders and looks at Frank. “I don’t really do public places, if I can help it. So it’s kinda difficult, with me, like… finding places to hang out, unless we go back to one of our houses.” Gerard sighs; it’s a frustrated sound with a frustrated expression. “And I know that totally just makes it sound like I’m only trying to get you alone… which, well, I guess I am. I mean I do want it to just be us, but it’s not like…” He flails his hands around. “Like, this isn’t some excuse to make it easier for me to seduce you or something.” Gerard stops and backs up, leaning against the side of his car again. “So, that’s how it is.” He waves his hands. “I figure it’s only fair to just go ahead and tell you rather than make excuses. At least now you can make an informed decision.”

Frank opens and closes his mouth a couple of times before he finally replies, “Make an informed decision of what?”

“Whether or not you still want to hang out with me.”

“Oh! I do.” Frank shakes his head and smiles. “I definitely still want to hang out with you.”

“Yeah?” Gerard’s genuine insecurity is so adorable Frank could scream.

“Yes, absolutely.” Frank chuckles and steps forward, putting a hand on Gerard’s shoulder. “So, come to my place. You can meet my dogs.” Gerard opens his mouth, but Frank stops him, saying, “They aren’t big.” Gerard looks relieved and Frank lets go of his shoulder. “Okay, so we’ll just drive over? Let me give you my number in case we get separated.”

Gerard holds out his sketchpad and pen and Frank opens it to a blank page and writes down his number. When he gives it back, Gerard writes his number down as well and tears off the corner of the paper to give to Frank. “So, I’ll just follow you?” Gerard asks, turning to get in his car.

“Yeah, perfect.” Perfect, Frank thinks as he gets into his car and starts it up. Perfect. It’s a twenty minute drive to his house from the shelter. He doesn’t have to slow down once to wait for Gerard. He stays right behind Frank the whole way. Perfect.

*_*_*

Gerard is a little overwhelmed by all three dogs greeting them at once, and Frank immediately feels like a jerk for not going inside to settle them down before bringing Gerard in. Gerard doesn’t get upset or anything, though, he just plasters himself against the wall and carefully pats the dogs on the tops of their heads while Frank introduces them and gets them leashed up.

Once Frank has them all corralled, he looks at Gerard standing against the wall breathing carefully. “So I normally take them out for a few minutes when I get home, since they haven’t been out all day. You can come down with us if you want, or just stay up here and wait; it’s up to you.”

Gerard looks into the apartment like he expects something scary to come flying out at any moment. “I’ll come with you,” he answers quickly.

Frank walks out with the dogs and Gerard stays several steps behind them, getting his cigarettes out so that he’s ready to light up as soon as they get out the front door of the building.

He continues to follow behind a few paces as Frank walks the dogs up the street. When the dogs stop to sniff around at a bus stop, Frank turns around and finds Gerard studying him thoughtfully. It makes Frank want to check to see that he doesn’t have anything on his face. He manages to not do this, just barely, but he does look down to make sure he doesn’t have any stains on his shirt that he’s unaware of. He doesn’t.

When he looks up, Gerard is watching the dogs and taking a deep drag on his cigarette. Frank watches his lips curl around the filter and notices a freckle. Gerard has a freckle… on his bottom lip. His lips are slightly cracked and Frank wants to lick them. When the lips curl up into a smile, Frank flits his eyes up to find Gerard staring back at him with a bemused expression. Gerard walks toward him pulling out his cigarettes. He takes one out, sticks it in Frank’s mouth and lights it, holding Frank’s gaze the entire time.

Frank closes his eyes for a moment on the first drag. “Thanks,” he breathes on the exhale.

“No problem,” Gerard says, backing off and looking at the dogs again. “Don’t you have to pick that up?” Gerard asks, nodding toward the ground where all three dogs have pooped.

“Oh yeah, I just,” Frank digs around in his pocket for a bag, “I just scoop it up in the bag and then drop the bags in the dumpster before I go back inside.”

Frank picks up the dog messes and they walk back to the apartment in companionable silence. He finishes his cigarette just as they walk into the building.

They remain silent while Frank refills the dog’s water bowls and feeds them. Gerard looks around the apartment a little, but mostly stays close and watches Frank. Once Frank has run out of routine things to do and the dogs are munching away happily, he finds Gerard examining the titles on one of his bookshelves. Gerard bends down to a low shelf and gently touches the tops of the books. “You have a lot of books,” he says quietly, running his fingertips along the spines of a full set of the Sandman series. Gerard taps twice at the side of the bookcase before he stands up and looks at Frank.

Frank shrugs. “I like books.”

“So is this a bibliophile- compulsive collecting kind of thing- where you like the physical presence of books, their smell and feel, etcetera? Or is it more about wanting to have your own copy of every book you’ve ever read and liked?” Gerard says all of this very quickly and it takes Frank’s brain a moment to catch up.

“Ummm, both? I think? I really like books, like the actual books themselves. But I’ve read most of these.” Frank really hopes this is a good answer.

Gerard simply nods and says, “Hmmmm,” giving him a considering look. So Frank really has no idea. When his stomach grumbles, he welcomes the distraction. “So, are you hungry?”

Gerard makes a face as if he’s actually thinking about this and trying to decide if he’s hungry or not. “Yes. I ate lunch pretty late, I think, but I guess it wasn’t very much. I could eat again.”

“Is pizza good?” Frank asks. “There’s a place not too far from here that will make it cheeseless for me and they deliver.”

“Sure, that’s fine, but why no cheese?”

“Lactose intolerant.”

“Ah, okay.” Gerard nods.

“I’m also a vegetarian, so food can be kinda tough. Hmmm I wonder if I should have mentioned that sooner, you know, so you could make an informed decision about whether or not you want to have dinner with me.” Frank trails off. He hopes the smirk on his face conveys the fondness behind his teasing.

Gerard frowns, but his eyes are clearly amused. “Uhuh,” he says, and lifts his hand up to gently cup the side of Frank’s face. It takes everything Frank has in him to simply let the touch happen and not lean desperately into Gerard’s palm. “So there it is.” Frank doesn’t say anything as Gerard chews on the inside of his cheek a little before he speaks again, thumb stroking Frank’s chin. “You know teasing isn’t very nice.”

“I,” Frank starts to say… something. He’s not sure what, but he’s stopped by Gerard’s thumb planted firmly on his lips.

“It’s okay,” Gerard says. “I was warned. And I know it’s not mean-spirited. I don’t think you have that in you. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here.” Gerard drops his hand abruptly and moves back a step. “So, pizza?”

Frank feels like all the air has been sucked right out of the room and it takes him a moment to respond. “Right. Pizza. I’ll just go call it in. You like veggies on your pizza?”

“Veggies are good.”

“You want cheese on your half?”

“Cheese is good, too.” Frank thinks Gerard must be feeling more at ease now as he’s knelt down to look at Frank’s other bookshelf. He’s carefully pulling books out and flipping through them. Upon finding Frank’s old beat-up paperback copy of The Catcher in the Rye, he sits on the floor to page through it while Frank calls in the pizza.

After he gets off the phone, he comes over to sit down next to Gerard. “I really should get a new copy of that. That one’s falling apart.”

“So this is one of the ones you really did read?”

Frank is slightly offended. “Hell yeah, I read it! It’s one of my favorite books ever.”

“I haven’t read it in years. I used to read it a lot, like probably once a year. Don’t know why I haven’t lately.”

“You should read it again. That shit never gets old.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Gerard carefully places the book back on the shelf where it was. “So hey,” he says, turning to look at Frank.

“Hey,” Frank says back. He turns and scoots forward so that their knees are touching and grabs at one of Gerard’s hands where it’s been sitting in his lap, fingers tapping restlessly on his knee. Frank picks it up and holds it for a moment, stroking the pads of his fingers first over the back of his hand and then the inside. Gerard watches Frank carefully as he does this, but doesn’t say anything. His expression betrays nothing of his thoughts. Frank runs his fingers around Gerard’s wrist, tapping a couple of times over the pulse point, then moves his hand up Gerard’s arm, wrapping his fingers around it, just below his shoulder and tugs on him a little, pulling him closer. “Hey,” he says again, so soft it’s almost a whisper. He looks at Gerard’s lips and leans up, kissing them quickly.

This kiss is just a short little thing. It’s a test kiss. Gerard doesn’t move so Frank leans up and does it again. This time it’s longer and Frank brings his other hand up to the back of Gerard’s neck, fingers tangling in his hair as he pulls him close. Then he’s using his tongue to demand entry and Gerard allows it; letting him in, letting Frank explore his teeth and tongue. Gerard tastes like cigarettes and cinnamon gum and suddenly Gerard is actively kissing Frank back. His tongue pushes against Frank’s insistently, wanting inside his mouth. Frank relaxes to let Gerard in to taste him and stroke along the roof of his mouth. All too soon, Gerard pulls back and runs his tongue along Frank’s lips, first the top and then the bottom. He takes just Frank’s bottom lip into his mouth and pulls on it, teeth tugging gently and reluctantly lets it slip out.

Gerard moves his head back just enough to bring his hand up to Frank’s chin and rubs his thumb across his bottom lip softly, almost reverently. He drops his hand and sits back, slouching. He’s looking up at Frank through his hair, his eyes bright and hopeful. Gerard’s face is flushed, two spots of color bloom high up on his cheeks, and his lips are pink and wet and Frank wants nothing more than to sit here kissing him indefinitely, but then the doorbell rings.

“Pizza?” Gerard says quietly.

“Can’t be, it’s too soon.” Frank stands up and goes to the door. He opens it to find Ray holding up a bag of Frank’s favorite kind of guitar strings.

“They were on clearance at both stores, so I figured I’d grab up a bunch for you before the price went up again.”

Frank takes the bag from Ray. “Thanks, I was starting to run low.”

“Are you doing anything? Christa’s over at a friend’s house and I’m bored.”

“Actually, I kinda am doing something.” Frank runs his hand through his hair a few times. Ray just looks at him like he’s waiting for the punch line. “I have someone over, so…”

Ray looks over Frank’s shoulder and sees Gerard. “Gerard?” Ray walks right around Frank into the apartment. “Gee Way? Is that you?”

Gerard is standing up now with his head bent down a bit like he wishes he actually wasn’t ‘Gee Way’. He scratches the back of his neck and says, “Hey, Ray,” and crosses the room to embrace Ray in a short hug.

“Man, I thought we’d never see you again! We miss you, man. You look good, really good,” Ray gushes.

Gerard blushes and looks down again. “Thanks, it’s good to see you, too.”

“So how did you end up with my man Frankie, here?” Ray asks jovially.

Gerard’s face suddenly pales and he looks at Frank. Frank realizes he has no idea what to say. “He came by the shelter today to ask a favor and I invited him to hang out after work.” Frank claps a hand on Ray’s shoulder and steers him toward the door. “We ordered pizza and I’d invite you to join us, but we only got one.”

Frank knows he’s probably being rude, but he can’t help it. He’s suddenly afraid with every fiber of his being that if Gerard thinks Frank’s apartment is the kind of place where unwanted guests pop in and stick around, then it’s just as bad as any public place and this could end up being Gerard’s one and only visit.

Frank gets Ray out into the hall and leans up to say in an almost-whisper, “Sorry, dude another time.” He hopes the look he gives Ray is enough to communicate the nature of Gerard’s visit.

No look of realization overcomes Ray’s face, but he seems to get it enough to know he needs to go. “It’s cool, no problem. I’ll text you tomorrow maybe.” Ray looks puzzled, but not hurt.

“Yeah, tomorrow. Thanks for the strings, man.” Frank offers as he watches Ray walk down the hall. Ray waves him off with a smile as he turns the corner toward his own place.

As soon as Ray’s out of sight, the buzzer goes off indicating someone is waiting downstairs. Frank walks back inside and hits the intercom, “Pizza?”

“Yup.”

“Come on up, apartment 3B.” Frank hits the button to open the downstairs door and then finally turns back to Gerard. He’s looking at the bag of strings, where Frank dropped them on the table.

“I’d heard you were in a band, but I didn’t know what you played,” Gerard says. “Guitar, huh?” He looks up. He doesn’t appear upset by seeing Ray. “Explains the calluses.”

“Yeah, I sorta sing too.” Frank shrugs.

“I heard it’s more than sorta.”

Franks laughs at that. “I don’t know, man. I don’t think I sing as good as people say I do.”

Gerard gestures behind Frank to where the pizza guy is waiting and Frank turns around to pay him.

Gerard offers to pay, but Frank waves him off, saying he’s the one who invited Gerard to hang out and Gerard can pay next time. Gerard says, “Deal.” Frank’s heart swells like a hormonal teenager’s when he realizes that Gerard intends for there to be a ‘next time’.

They get settled at the table with the pizza and plates and napkins. “I’m sorry about Ray earlier. I really don’t tend to have a lot of people just dropping by.” Frank serves the pizza, putting a slice on a plate for each of them.

“It’s cool.” Gerard waves his hand as if he’s batting at a fly. “Ray’s a good guy. I always liked him. He was always one of the nice ones, you know?” He sits down and looks up at Frank, piercing him with a stare. “I’m glad he didn’t stay, though.”

Frank feels a flutter in his chest at Gerard’s tone and blinks at him a few times. He doesn’t know what to say, so he goes to get a beer from the fridge and asks Gerard if he wants one.

“No thanks, I can’t drink. Do you have soda?”

Frank turns and looks at Gerard questioningly. “Why can’t you drink?” As soon as it’s out, Frank realizes it’s a nosy, personal question and he should have just let it go. He could kick himself when he says shit like that without thinking.

Gerard doesn’t seem upset by the question, though. “I’m an alcoholic.” He says it very matter-of-factly.

“Oh.” Frank turns back to the fridge. “I have Diet DP, Root Beer and Sprite.” Frank takes a Root Beer for himself and turns around to set it on the table.

“Root Beer for me too, thanks,” Gerard says around a mouthful of pizza. After he swallows, he says, “This is good pizza.”

Frank puts a Root Beer in front of Gerard and sits down. “Yeah, it’s only like, three blocks away, and the veggies are always really fresh. I like it.”

Gerard touches Frank’s soda can. “You can have a beer if you want, Frank. I don’t mind.”

“It’s cool. Root Beer is good. I probably should be cutting back on the beer, anyway. I’m starting to feel it in my gut.”

Gerard looks Frank up and down around the side of table like he’s assessing him. “Looks fine to me.”

Frank feels himself go crimson. He has no answer for that, so he just takes a bite of his pizza and considers Gerard for a moment. He decides that Gerard seems like the kind of dude who likes the straightforward approach, so he just asks. “How long have you been sober?”

“Almost seven years.”

“Wow, really? That’s great.”

Gerard nods. “Yup. Most days I can’t really believe it’s been that long. It still feels really recent, sometimes.”

“What happened?” Frank’s curious as hell.

“Well, it’s really a similar story for most drunks, you know?” Gerard turns his head to the side a bit and cracks his neck. “I started drinking as a teenager and kind of managed it for a long time, like, I could still work and stuff. But it basically got progressively worse until it was just all the time.” Gerard stops and closes his eyes for a minute, as if remembering. When he opens them, he says, “The worst was when it got in the way of my work… my art. That was the bottom, when I couldn’t do what I loved anymore. The bottom lasted kind of a long time.” Gerard rubs the back of his neck. Frank’s beginning to recognize this as a nervous habit. He drops his hand onto the table. “It was just ruining my life. I ruined my life. I was drunk all the time. I couldn’t function. I was hurting the people around me. I felt horrible about myself and I wanted to die.” Gerard taps his fingers on the table for a moment. “That’s really about it. That was seven years ago this summer, when I stopped.”

“How did you do it?” Frank puts his hand on the table next to Gerard’s. “How did you stop?”

Gerard looks at Frank’s hand for a minute before putting his in it. “It was like one day, I just… woke up. I realized how miserable I was, how I didn’t want to live anymore if I had to go another day feeling like I did. I knew something had to give or one of these days I was going to go on a bender and pass out and not wake up.”

Frank gives Gerard’s fingers a squeeze. They’re greasy from the pizza. “So how many tries did it take you to get clean?”

“Just one.”

“You got sober on your first try? After drinking your whole life?” Frank is pretty amazed at this.

“Yup, first try. I guess I just kinda knew that it had to work, that if I couldn’t get it right the first time, I never would.” Gerard squeezes Frank’s hand back once more and then drops his hand to his lap. “Hey, can I smoke in here?”

“Sure.”

Gerard lights up and shakes the pack at Frank, offering him one. Frank takes one and lights it. They finish their pizza smoking in silence, but it’s not uncomfortable. It’s actually just really nice. Frank can’t remember the last time he just sat and ate in silence with someone and didn’t feel weird about it. He figures there must have been some nice, quiet times like this with Leslie. But he doesn’t want to think about Leslie right now. This is better than it was with Leslie, because this is now. This is happening and Frank decides that he doesn’t want to think about anything else, he wants to be present for this. He wants to enjoy it. Leslie always used to complain that she felt like Frank wasn’t really there a lot of the time, like his mind was off in another world somewhere. Frank’s not going to make the same mistakes again. Something inside is telling him that Gerard is too important. This is too important to fuck up.

When they finish eating, Frank puts the leftover pizza in a zip-lock bag in the fridge and clears the table.

“You’re a pretty clean guy, huh?” Gerard asks, smirking slightly.

“It’s summer. I don’t really have a problem with bugs, per se, but I don’t tend to make a habit of leaving invitations out for them to set up camp in my house.”

“I don’t know,” Gerard says as they walk into the living room. “That sounds like an excuse. I bet you’re neat like this all the time.” Gerard waves his arms around. “I mean, look at this place. Everything’s so organized.”

“I like to be able to find my shit when I’m looking for it.” Frank feigns defensiveness, but Gerard is smiling at him. He grabs Gerard’s hands and stills them before carefully linking their fingers together. “Hey you,” he says, looking up at Gerard and raising his eyebrows.

“Hey what?” Gerard’s voice is low and his eyes are dark, intense. The atmosphere in room changes just like that, going from teasing to seduction in three seconds flat.

Frank takes Gerard’s hands and places them on the small of his back. Wrapping his fingers around the back of Gerard’s neck, he says, “Hey, I think you should kiss me now.”

Gerard leans down and does just that. The kiss is less tentative than the previous ones. It’s all open mouths and tangling tongues right from the start. Frank pushes himself up into it so that their bodies are pressed together. He turns his mouth to the side for a second to catch his breath and Gerard leans down farther and begins kissing his neck.

He starts with just little kisses. Then he opens his mouth and begins to lick. He licks the side of Frank’s neck, up under his ear and then back around again to the front, over his adams apple and down to the pulse point at the hollow of his throat. Frank tangles his fingers in Gerard’s hair as he begins to nip gently at the sensitive skin. His breath catches and when Gerard sucks the tiniest bit, his whole body shudders.

Gerard finally pulls his mouth off Frank’s tender neck and backs up just enough to speak, his hot breath ghosting over Frank’s skin as he says, “I want to give you a hickey, but it’s summer, so I doubt you’ll be wanting to wear turtlenecks or scarves to hide it.”

Frank laughs as Gerard pulls down carefully on the neck of his t-shirt, apparently looking for skin to mark. “Oh hey,” he says, suddenly pulling back and running his fingers along Frank’s collarbone. “There’s more ink here.” Gerard pulls back and stands up straight, letting his fingers flit down Frank’s chest and sides and then rest at the hem of his shirt. “I want to see.”

Frank nods and lifts his arms up so that Gerard can pull his shirt up over his head and toss it to the floor. “Wow,” Gerard says breathily as he stands back, his eyes running up and down Frank’s chest and stomach. He runs his fingers over the lines of the tattoos then turns Frank around to see his back. His hands rub over the ink there and Frank shivers. “Wow,” he says again. He turns Frank around to face him and places his hands on Frank’s shoulders before leaning down to gently kiss the top of his right shoulder. Soon, he’s not just kissing anymore, and it’s not gentle. Frank shudders and forgets to breathe as Gerard bites and sucks on his skin for what feels like forever, yet not long enough. Gerard backs off to lick over the spot that will surely be an angry purple in a little while and Frank finally remembers to breathe.

“Are you part vampire?” he asks, looking up into Gerard’s dark eyes.

Gerard smiles. “I’ve always thought that if fantasy creatures were real, a vampire is what I’d like to be.” Gerard licks lightly at Frank’s lips and then moves back and says, “Your skin is delicious.”

Frank considers Gerard’s sharp little teeth as he smiles down through his hair. He can’t even take it, he wants to crawl inside Gerard’s skin. He tangles his hands up in Gerard’s hair and pulls his head down hard until their foreheads touch. He pants up into Gerard’s mouth for a moment, their breath hot and heavy, shared between them. Then he finally pushes up for a brutal kiss, teeth clacking together. It’s wet and slippery and sloppy and Frank doesn’t care because Gerard tastes like pizza and smoke and his own flavor that Frank can’t name, but he’s learning to recognize it and he wants to know it forever.

He finally backs off from the kiss when he’s so far gone that he needs to breathe through his mouth or he’ll suffocate. He pulls Gerard with him, backing up into the couch and falling against it ungracefully. He turns sideways and lays back, with his head on the armrest and pulls Gerard down on top of him.

Gerard resists being pulled all the way down. “C’mon, lay on me,” Frank pants.

“I’m heavy.”

“Don’t care, I want to feel you.” Frank finally gets his arms around Gerard’s back and manages to pull him right on top of him. He is heavy, but it’s good. The weight feels hot and delicious and Frank loves it. “C’mon, more kissing.”

Putting his hands on either side of Gerard’s face, he brings him close, rubbing his thumb over Gerard’s lips, over the freckle on the bottom one. Frank sticks his tongue out to lick over his lips very lightly. Gerard shivers and Frank does it again, touching the freckle with just the tip of his tongue. Gerard makes a growling noise in the back of his throat as if he’s had enough teasing and then smashes his mouth against Frank’s. Frank gives back as good as he gets and their kisses disintegrate into something wild and messy and hungry. Soon he feels Gerard hips moving against his thigh, his cock hard through his jeans. Frank decides Gerard is wearing way too many clothes and he needs to correct that immediately.

Reaching down Gerard’s back, Frank pulls up on his hoodie and t-shirt. Gerard lifts up to let him pull them over his head. Frank runs his hands over the flawless, pale skin of Gerard chest before snaking his hands down between their bodies and going to work on Gerard’s belt. Gerard pushes himself up to give him more access as he undoes the button and fly of the too-tight jeans. Then Frank is pushing Gerard’s underwear down and finally his hot heavy dick is in his hands and it feels amazing.

Frank moves his fingers over the warm skin and Gerard instinctively thrusts into his hand. He’s already leaking and Frank swirls the wetness down the shaft and Gerard’s breath catches in his throat. Frank is about to begin pumping his dick in earnest when Gerard says, “Wait,” and moves farther back. “I want to touch you.”

Frank takes his hands off Gerard’s length to help him undo his belt and get his jeans undone and down. Pulling his hands back, he lets Gerard reach into his underwear and slowly push them down to reveal his dick, heavy and hard and straining. Gerard just looks at it for a moment and licks his lips before putting his hand on it. He’s not gentle at all, but it’s not too much, it’s perfect. His strokes are rough at first as he spreads precome around. Then he’s bringing his hand up to his mouth. Frank watches as he spits in his palm and resumes stroking him. It’s better now, wet and slick, and Frank’s eyes roll back in his head as he gets lost in the sensation.

After a moment, he feels Gerard’s mouth on his, not really kissing, just hovering over his mouth and licking inside, tongues just touching as their breath rushes between them. Finally Frank comes back to himself and starts kissing and stroking Gerard again.

Gerard shifts his body so his hip is resting on of Frank’s. It should hurt, but the only thing Frank is really feeling right now is Gerard’s hand on his dick and tongue in his mouth. Gerard is lining up their cocks and putting his hand on top of Frank’s to jerk them off together. It feels so good and Frank can’t breathe, he pushes his head back, arching his neck to gasp in air and Gerard starts licking at his neck. He’s leaving long, wet stripes up and down Frank’s windpipe and Frank has to close his eyes against all the overwhelming stimulation.

He knows he’s letting Gerard do most of the work, just going along with it as he moves their hands up and down their joint hard-ons, but he doesn’t care. It’s too good and Gerard isn’t complaining. They’re both thrusting up into their hands now. The rhythm is perfect, hip bones rubbing together as they meet each other thrust for thrust.

Frank catches his breath and puts his mouth back on Gerard’s, gasping, “So good,” as he delves inside with his tongue.

Gerard moans into Frank’s mouth, his eyes squeezing shut as his rhythm starts to falter. “Close,” he gasps out.

Frank looks down at their cocks sliding together and adds more pressure to his strokes. He feels Gerard’s dick jump in his hand and then Gerard’s whole body stills, going taut before he begins to spill over their stomachs and chests, hot white streams of come covering them both. Frank keeps their hands pumping through it all, through all the aftershocks and it’s only a few seconds before Frank is losing his rhythm and faltering, his grip going slack and he’s coming between them as well. He drops his hand as he comes undone, his spunk spilling out over their hands. Gerard keeps stroking him gently until he’s sure he’s done and then it’s too much and Frank grabs at Gerard’s hand, pulls it up to his mouth and begins licking their conjoined come off of it. It isn’t long before Gerard starts doing the same, licking Frank’s hand clean.

When both their hands are clean, they kiss again, tasting one another in each other’s mouths. It’s salty and sweet and wonderful and for a few minutes, Frank doesn’t even care about the slimy liquid that’s cooling and getting sticky where it still rests between them on their bellies. After a little while, Gerard pulls off Frank’s mouth and scoots down the couch just enough to rest his head against Frank’s shoulder. He stays there quietly for a little while, his breath evening out as he runs his hand up and down Frank’s side. Frank gently brushes his fingertips through Gerard’s hair, ghosting them over his scalp and making him shiver.

Gerard turns his head and smiles up at Frank. “You like my hair, you keep touching it.”

“Mmmhmm, I do.” Frank tugs on a few strands and then moves his hand down to cup his palm over Gerard’s shoulder and squeeze a bit. “I like so many things about you.”

“Mmmm, me too.” Gerard blinks. “I mean, I like you, too.”

Gerard turns his head up just enough, and Frank leans his head down just enough for them to kiss again. It’s soft and chaste, tender and sweet. And Frank thinks his heart is going to burst. He can’t remember ever feeling quite this fragile with anyone after just one hook-up. This isn’t a hook-up, though, he reminds himself. Mikey’s words come rushing back to him, you can’t mess around with Gerard. It doesn’t work. So this isn’t a hook-up and Frank is suddenly scared and he doesn’t know why. When he pulls back from the kiss, Gerard is smiling at him, eyes open and honest. Frank has this amazing, beautiful, naked man on top of him and he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He lets his head fall back onto the armrest again and looks up at the ceiling. He keeps squeezing Gerard’s shoulder like all he knows how to do is hold on.

When he becomes aware that Gerard is trying to lift himself up, Frank lets go of his shoulder and watches as he reaches down into his jeans to pull out his cigarettes. The first one he lights, he puts in Frank’s mouth and then lights one for himself. Frank thinks that Gerard has some kind of philosophy, wherein when he doesn’t know what to do, he smokes. Frank thinks he could get on board with this philosophy.

They smoke in silence until Frank can’t take it anymore. He finally says, “We should get cleaned up.” Gerard nods and sits up so that Frank can move. He goes into the bathroom and comes back with a wet washcloth, carefully wiping himself off before tucking back into his pants and handing the cloth to Gerard to do the same.

After Gerard is cleaned up and dressed again, he hands the cloth back to Frank who tosses it into his dirty clothes pile at the bottom of the linen closet. When he comes back to the couch, Gerard is laughing at him. “Neat freak,” he says under his breath. Frank kicks Gerard as he sits back down on the couch, but Gerard catches his feet and arranges Frank’s legs so that they’re lying across his lap. Gerard reaches under the hems of his jeans and massages Frank’s ankles while he says, “So, tell me about all these dogs of yours.”

And Frank does.

*_*_*

Frank is very tired at work the next day, but it’s the kind of tired where it was worth it, so he doesn’t really care.

Gerard ended up staying until almost midnight. Frank has no idea how it got so late; they just sat on the couch and smoked and drank soda and talked about… well… everything. Frank talked quite a bit more than Gerard. He’s not sure if he should feel embarrassed about this. He kept meaning to ask Gerard things about himself, but Gerard, the fucker, every time there was a break in the conversation, would ask Frank about something else that he really wanted to talk about and Frank would be off on another tangent. He started with the dogs. Frank had no problem at all talking about his dogs for a good half hour- how old they all are, how long he’s had them, what their personalities are like and all that. Then he asked about Frank’s band and what kind of music he likes. He asked about Frank’s job and how long he’s been there and how he likes it. The next question was about Frank’s family- his parents and grandparents. Then it was generic taste questions about movies and video games and what he can eat since he can’t have meat or dairy and the next thing they knew it was midnight.

Frank remembers that he started yawning a lot and Gerard looked at his phone and saw how late it was. Then he was getting up and saying goodnight and leaving. Frank also remembers the searing hot kiss they shared before Gerard walked out the door, whispering, “Goodnight, Frankie” as he left. Those words seemed to hover in the air until Frank got in bed. Despite his tiredness, it took him ages to fall asleep. When he finally did, he must have had good dreams, because he woke up feeling happier than he has in ages.

But he’s also tired. He sits in the yard with the dogs during his lunch break, eating the peanut butter and jelly sandwich he made himself this morning. The weather has finally cooled off a bit and there’s a nice breeze today. It feels good sitting in the shade of the oak tree next to the building.

The morning was actually pretty busy. They had three families come in looking for dogs. But now that Frank finally has a break and some time to think, he feels nervous. He knows it’s silly. He thinks about his conflicting emotions as he munches on carrot sticks and veggie chips. He’s happy because he had a great time with Gerard last night. All signs point to it happening again, but he feels anxious at the same time. Somehow it all feels too easy. He thinks he’s being ridiculous. He doesn’t know why he can’t just relax and enjoy something nice in his life. Why does he have to question and over think everything?

Frank’s biggest concern right now is that he doesn’t know if he should text Gerard or not. And if he does, what should he say? Should he ask Gerard out again? Or is it Gerard’s turn to make plans, since Frank invited last time? Maybe he should just say that he had fun last night? Frank doesn’t know what the rules are about this. It’s been a really fucking long time since he’s actually dated a dude. Frank drains his Dr. Pepper and tries to remember. It’s been like… three years. He can’t really remember what he did before. He thinks it might have been easier in the past because he doesn’t remember caring quite as much about any other guys he dated as he does about Gerard.

He knows he can’t mess around with Gerard, though. He knows that one thing for certain and so he needs to just go ahead and text him. Gerard is probably fine about everything. He’s probably not even awake yet. He’s probably not obsessing over the rules of gay dating, that’s for sure. Frank rolls his eyes at himself and fires off a quick text.

Had a great time yesterday :)

Frank briefly considers saying something sexy like, “I can still taste you” or some shit like that, but then he decides he really doesn’t want to be that guy. And besides, he doesn’t want Gerard to think he’s the kind of guy who’s only about the sex and that he didn’t enjoy all the talking they did.

Gerard doesn’t text back by the time Frank’s lunch is over and he tries to tell himself not to be disappointed by that. He figures Gerard is just busy. He’s making art, or writing his comic, or doing… something else that Frank has no idea about because Frank doesn’t really know what Gerard does all day because Frank is a dick who didn’t ask Gerard any questions about himself last night.

After the busy morning they had, the afternoon turns out to be comparatively boring, so Frank ends up with way too much time to think. By three o’clock it occurs to Frank that his text didn’t really require a response. It’s not like he asked a question or anything. He doesn’t want to send another text with a question in it, because ignoring his text might be some kind of passive-aggressive hint from Gerard that perhaps he didn’t have a great time last night. But then Frank knows that’s crazy, Gerard was happy and affectionate when he left. Frank is being dumb. Maybe Gerard’s phone is just turned down, so he didn’t hear the text alert, and he’s working, so he hasn’t checked his phone for a while. Frank is beginning to feel like the biggest lovesick loser on the planet for obsessing over text messages, when his phone finally buzzes. He almost drops the damn thing in his haste to pull it out of his pocket. It’s a text from Gerard.

I had a great time, too. I want to see you again.

First, Frank’s heart swells to three times its normal size as he allows himself to bask in the fact that the most beautiful man he’s ever known wants to see him again. Then he marvels at the fact that Gerard uses complete sentences, full words, and proper punctuation in his text messages. Huh.

Also Frank has no idea how to respond to that text. He knows it’s obnoxious, but he decides not to reply right away. He figures that since Gerard took hours to reply to his text, he can take hours to reply back. Also, he needs that time to figure out what to say.

*_*_*

Frank isn’t inside his apartment for more than five minutes before Ray knocks. It’s his early day and Ray knows it, so he must have been watching for Frank to get home. The minute Frank gets the door open Ray says with a huge grin, “Dude, you totally hooked up with Gerard Way last night!”

Frank ducks his head and smiles, he can’t help it. “I did.”

“That is so awesome.” Ray hugs Frank. Frank isn’t sure that this is really a hugging occasion, but he goes with it.

“Is it?” Frank can’t hide anything from Ray. His anxiety over Gerard doesn’t stand a chance.

“Yeah, man, Gerard is awesome! He deserves someone like you.” Ray backs out of the hug and Frank stands aside to let him into the apartment.

“Someone like me?” Frank closes the door walks into the kitchen where he’d been about to get himself a beer before Ray knocked

“Yeah, you know, like… someone who won’t treat him like shit.”

Frank hands a beer to Ray before he opens one for himself. “Some might argue that I treated Leslie like shit.”

“Shut up, Iero. You treated that girl like a princess. You guys just wanted different things. It happens.” Ray shrugs. “And in the end you were able to stay friends which really says a lot about what kind of guy you are.”

Frank frowns. “I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t return text messages.”

“Uh oh, why not?” Ray raises his eyebrows.

“I don’t know what to fucking say?” Frank waves his arms in frustration.

“What does that mean?” Ray pushes down on Frank’s arms in a soothing manner. “Just reply, say anything, it doesn’t matter. I mean, he likes you, right?”

“Yeah, he said he had a good time last night.” Frank scowls and takes a drink of his beer.

“Okay, so what’s the problem?”

Frank sighs. “He wants to see me again.”

“That’s good!” Ray rubs his forehead. “I don’t see where the problem is.”

“I just mean I don’t know what to say back.”

“He says he wants to see you again?”

Frank nods.

“Okay” Ray waves a hand. “So you say ‘When?’ ‘Where?’ You make a date, Frank. This isn’t rocket science.”

Franks rubs his hands over his head and tugs on his hair a little bit. “It’s hard with Gerard.”

“Oh really?” Ray does not look convinced. “How come?”

“He has social anxiety? Like, he’s a little bit like… agoraphobic?” Frank sighs and drops his hands. “He doesn’t do public places. He made that very clear last night.”

Ray looks thoughtful as he takes a few swallows of his beer. “Okay, so no public places. So you don’t go out. That’s really not the end of the world, just invite him here again.”

“You think? Even though he was just here yesterday?”

Ray shakes his head dramatically. “Frank, why are you over thinking this? Did he seem to have a problem with your apartment or something?”

Frank whines, “He seemed to think it’s too clean.” He knows he sounds petulant, but he can’t help it.

“Ha!” Ray laughs. “That I believe. Gerard’s never been known for cleanliness.” He leans back against the counter, smiling. “Okay, but aside from the cleanliness, he seems to like your place okay?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Frank shrugs. “But I feel like there should be something more than just, ‘hey, come to my house again so we can make out some more.’” Franks waves his arm vaguely to imply how lame that would be.

Ray ruffles Frank’s hair a bit. “Dude, don’t knock making out. It’s never a bad thing.” Frank laughs at that and Ray continues, “Okay, so just invite him over to do something. Does he like video games? You wanna borrow the Xbox?”

Frank ponders for a minute before answering. “Yeah, I guess he does. We talked about video games a little last night. Well, I talked about them.”

“Hmmm…” Ray has his thinking face on and Frank’s stomach grumbles. He starts rummaging in the cabinet until he finds a box of dairy-free mac & cheese. Ray perks up suddenly. “Frank, you should cook for him!”

“What?” Franks stops and turns toward Ray, clutching the box of pasta.

“You’re a good cook, for a dude, Leslie always used to rave about it.” Ray’s waving his arms. “Christa wouldn’t shut up for like a week after you made that vegetarian chili for us. You should make that for Gerard!”

Frank considers this as he fills a pot with hot water and puts it on the stove to heat. “Really?” he finally says, skeptically.

“Sure, you invite him over for Xbox and homemade vegetarian chili. Who could turn that down? The guy already likes you. Cooking for him, that’s like… romantic even!” Ray pauses and turns to look right at Frank. “I mean, if that’s how you feel about him.” He cocks his head to the side. “Is that how you feel about him, Frankie?”

Frank can’t stop his smile as he looks at Ray to answer. “Yeah,” he says nodding and laughing at himself a tiny bit. “Yeah, it is. Totally is.”

They’re quiet for a few minutes while Frank pulls out his cigarettes and lights one up.

Eventually Ray says, “So that’s why you’re so scared?”

Frank nods but doesn’t say anything. Ray leans forward and puts his hand on Frank’s arm. “Frank, just go for it. I’m telling you, Gerard is a good guy. He could be really good for you.”

Frank is just about to ask Ray what he means by that when two things happen at once. First, the water on the stove starts to boil and second, his phone vibrates. He quickly dumps the box of macaroni into the pot and sets the timer on the stove, then checks his phone. It’s a text from Mikey.

U best b texting my brother back ASAP or I will END you

“Oh shit.”

“What is it?” Frank shows Ray the screen. “Dude, you don’t wanna be pissing off Mikey Way. Text Gerard now.” Ray’s tone is deadly serious.

“Yeah, yeah, okay, hang on.”

Frank brings up the message thread with Gerard and just stares at the screen for a few seconds before typing.

Are you free Saturday night?

He hits send and hands the phone to Ray so he can see the screen. “See how easy that was?” Ray teases and Frank rolls his eyes at him before going to stir the pasta.

They stand in silence for a little bit while Frank smokes. Ray finally breaks the silence when he gets up to open the window over the sink. “If you have to smoke in here, you can at least open a window. It’s not even that hot today.”

Frank just looks at him for a moment and goes back to stirring the pasta.

This time, Gerard texts back after only a few minutes. Frank is glad because he knows the fucker is talking to Mikey about this, so it’s not like he’s busy working right now. He’s freaking out just as much as Frank. He’s got to be. Unless he’s the kind of guy who tells his brother everything, which Frank really hopes is not the case. If Gerard didn’t reply quickly this time, Frank would have to wonder if this is some kind of game; and Frank just can’t handle that. He’s way too old for that shit.

The timer on the stove goes off and Frank takes deep breaths while he drains and rinses the pasta and drops it back in the pot. He mixes in margarine, soy milk, and the fake cheese sauce before he turns, intending to look at his phone where it was sitting on the counter, only to find that Ray’s already looking at it. “Hey!” he yelps.

“He says he’s free.” Ray hands Frank the phone.

Sure enough, when Frank looks, there’s a text from Gerard that simply says. Yup

Frank scratches his head. “Now what?”

Ray rolls his eyes so hard Frank thinks it must be painful. “Dude, why are you making this so much harder than it has to be? Just tell him what time to come over. Say there will be Xbox and veggie chili. Do you have some kind of text message writer’s block?”

Frank does the only thing he can do when he’s being crazy and Ray insists on being practical. He sticks his tongue out at him. Ray laughs and shakes his head, reaching for the phone. Frank shoves it in his pocket. “No way! I’m gonna do it. I just need… a minute.”

Frank gets out bowls and spoons. He fills a bowl for Ray and then one for himself and sits down at the table with it. He blows on his pasta to cool it and waits until he’s had a few bites before he pulls out his phone again. He types and backspaces about a half dozen times before finally settling on his message.

Want 2 come 2 my place around 5 to play Xbox & eat? I’ll make u veggie chili.

Frank hits send and then passes the phone over to Ray who has his hand out, waiting. Ray reads the message, smiles, and hands the phone back. “Looks good,” he says, approvingly.

Frank’s still chewing on his next bite when the phone buzzes again with a reply from Gerard.

Sounds good! See you then!

Frank’s chest feels warm and tight, but he feels relieved, too, like he can finally breathe after worrying all day. It must show on his face because he looks up to find Ray staring at him with his eyebrow raised and a look of bemused concern in his eyes. “Dude, what is your deal? You’re like, stupid over this guy.”

Frank sighs, dropping his spoon and rubs his eyes. “Ray, man, you have no idea. I don’t even know.”

“Wow,” is all Ray says in reply to that.

Frank just laughs at himself and shakes his head. “Yup, that about sums it up.”

+ *_*_* +

Okay, so thinking about it now, Gerard realizes that it probably wasn’t the best decision to start the day out texting Mikey about last night. At the time, he was just excited and the only person he can talk to about Frank is Mikey. Gerard is basically just floating on cloud nine right now. Having hardly dated anyone in years, last night blindsided him completely. He never would have expected someone like Frank to be interested in him. He felt like the creepiest loser on the planet going back to the animal shelter like that. He was glad to have the chance to draw Frank. Of course, he would have been thrilled with just having the chance to look at him again. And then… well… he got so much more than that. He smirks a bit to himself remembering it.

But what Gerard can’t figure out now is how Alicia had known. She’d been so sure that Frank would be happy to see Gerard again and she was right. She even told him a little bit about Frank, about his band and everything, which was nice. But he really did think she was crazy about the whole thing until he got back to the shelter and then… the way Frank looked at him, it was so obvious. And Gerard just went for it. He almost felt like he was living someone else’s life for a little while. Gerard doesn’t just do shit like that. He doesn’t go home with hot guys and eat pizza with them and hook up on their couches.

And so of course today Gerard feels a bit like he’s dreaming and all he wants to do is blab about it to Mikey like a hormonal teenage girl. Looking back at it, he knows that first text was ill-advised, if simply for no other reason than that it was far too vague.

I hooked up with your friend Frank last night.

Mikey’s response had come almost immediately. It made Gerard laugh because he could hear Mikey saying it in his head.

What does that mean?

Gerard’s response didn’t really explain much more, but it seemed important for Mikey to know.

I really like him.

This was, apparently, not the explanation that Mikey was looking for.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

If Gerard was a nice brother, he would have called Mikey at this point and told him all about the evening. But Gerard is not a nice brother and he was having far too much fun teasing. So he texted Mikey again.

I really like Frank a lot.

Mikey didn’t respond after that, which actually disappointed Gerard a bit. He had really wanted to gush about Frank to someone. But he figured maybe Mikey got busy with work or whatever and would just call him tonight when he got home. What he was not expecting was for Mikey to show up at his house after work and demand to know what’s going on.

What’s really unfortunate is that by the time Mikey shows up, it’s right around the time that Gerard is starting to freak out because Frank hasn’t texted him back.

“It’s my fault,” Gerard says, attempting to placate Mikey, who’s been pacing since he walked in the door, muttering under his breath about how he’s going to ‘end’ Frank Iero. “I took a really long time texting him back earlier.”

Mikey stops and pierces Gerard with a glare. “Why did you wait so fucking long?”

“I didn’t mean to,” Gerard whines. “I was just…” he waves an arm, “involved… I was plotting the next issue and I was on a roll. I didn’t realize how much time had passed.”

Mikey runs a hand through his hair. “So that could have made Frank think you’re playing him.”

“I’m not, though!”

“I know that. Frank should know that, I told him… nevermind. He should have texted back by now. I’m going to the bathroom.”

Gerard sighs as Mikey stalks away. Now he feels like a jerk. He shouldn’t have involved Mikey in this. He knows how protective Mikey gets, especially since Bert. Not that Gerard’s done much dating since Bert.

Gerard’s phone vibrates and he looks down to see the text from Frank about Saturday just as Mikey’s walking back from the bathroom. “He wants to know if I’m free Saturday.”

“That’s good.”

“Why not tomorrow, though? I don’t think I can wait.” Gerard feels his voice rising.

Mikey plants a hand on Gerard’s shoulder and gives him the ‘you’re freaking out’ look. “Frank’s band has a show tomorrow night. So unless you want to go to his show, Saturday is the best option.”

“Oh. I’m not going to a show.”

“Okay then.” Mikey takes his hand back. “Did you tell him that you’re free?”

“Oh! No, I will now.” Gerard texts Frank back that he doesn’t have plans and follows Mikey into the kitchen where he’s pulling two cans of Sprite out of the fridge.

Mikey hands one to Gerard and says, “You need to know some things about Frank.”

“I know, Alicia warned me.” Gerard takes the Sprite and opens it. “She said she’s heard that Frank can be kind of obnoxious sometimes.”

“It’s not just that, it’s like… he’s a loose cannon, Gee.” Mikey sits down on one of the stools by the counter. “He’s like the nicest dude ever, but he’s got some real angst in him. I don’t-” he sighs, “I don’t really understand where it comes from.”

Gerard shrugs and says, “I think I can handle that.” Then his phone buzzes with Frank’s message inviting him over for Xbox and chili. He quickly texts back and shows the phone to Mikey.

Mikey reads it and nods. “See, he’s a real person. He’s going to do things that you don’t expect.”

“I know that!” Gerard feels defensive. He knows Mikey means well, but it feels condescending. “Believe me, Mikes, I get that he’s a real person, okay?”

“Okay,” Mikey says easily. “But how exactly did you go from Tuesday night telling Alicia that you ‘don’t want to bother Frank’ to today texting me that you ‘really like him a lot’?”

Gerard smiles, because now he gets to gush. He’s been waiting all day for it and it all comes spilling out of him like a runaway train. “Well, he’s just amazing! You should see him with his dogs…”

+ *_*_* +

Frank has just closed the van door after putting away the last amp and is about to head for his car when he feels a hand curl tightly around his arm and pull him back.

“Leaving so soon, Frank?” Mikey says. His tone is so flat that it makes Frank’s skin crawl.

“I’m pretty tired tonight,” Frank lies.

“Nonsense, you’re never tired after a show. Come back inside and let me buy you a drink. We need to talk.”

Frank doesn’t really have much of a choice as Mikey drags him back inside and up to the bar.

“Whatcha drinkin’ Frankie?”

“Umm, Miller Lite is good.” Frank tugs on his arm until Mikey relents and lets go.

“You might want something stronger for this conversation, man.”

Frank steels his confidence and looks Mikey dead in the eyes. “If it’s going to be about Gerard, I’m sure I can handle it just fine with a Miller Lite.” Whatever it is that’s got Mikey looking so serious, he’s overreacting. He has to be.

Mikey gets Miller Lites for both of them and Frank waits for him to talk about whatever it is that’s so important.

Finally, Mikey asks, “If you’re so sure you can handle it, why were you trying to run out without talking to me earlier?”

“I wasn’t.” Except that Frank totally was. He’d spent the whole time before the show hiding backstage in the hopes that Mikey wouldn’t come looking for him. Frank fixes Mikey with the most honest stare he can muster and tries not to flinch.

Mikey narrows his eyes at Frank before seeming to come to a conclusion. He shakes his head and says, “Frank, why Gerard?” He scratches his neck and tugs on a piece of his hair. “Does it have to be Gerard?”

Frank nods. “It does, Mikes. It really does.” He taps his fingers on the bar. “Anyway, it’s like… too late to take it back now? I can’t do that. I don’t want to. I really like him.”

“Awww, jeez.” Mikey drops his head to the side dramatically for a moment. “Did you guys like, rehearse this or something?”

Frank smiles at that. “Well, we did tell each other that we like each other. That’s good communication, right? That’s getting off to a good start?” Frank asks, hopefully.

Mikey just stares at Frank as if he has so many sarcastic responses to this inane statement that he’s having trouble deciding which one to use.

“I’m sorry about waiting so long to text him yesterday,” Frank says apologetically. “I just wanted to get it right, you know?”

“Okay.” Mikey spreads his hands out in front of him. “That’s the first thing you need to learn if you’re going to date Gerard.” He pauses for emphasis. “Don’t worry about getting it right, because he sure as hell isn’t.” He balls his hands into fists and rubs them on his thighs as he talks. “With Gerard, you have to just go for it. If he thinks you’re worrying about it, that’s going to freak him out.” He takes a deep breath and looks right at Frank. “Frank, he doesn’t give a fuck if things aren’t perfect. You’re going to have to get past that side of yourself if this has even a ghost of a chance of working.”

Frank’s mind mulls over everything Mikey’s just said and all he can say in response is, “Okay.”

That seems to be good enough for Mikey because he continues. “Gerard does this thing when he likes someone. It’s like… like he can’t hold himself back at all. It’s this really overwhelming thing sometimes and it tends to freak people out.” Mikey leans close and puts his hand on Frank’s knee. “Frank, it’s really important that you not freak out.”

Frank feels his eyes get huge. “I- I won’t.”

“I know Gee hasn’t done anything creepy or crazy, yet. I think he’s really trying this time. But…” Mikey sighs and runs his hand through his hair, “you’re kind of skittish.”

“I’m not!” Frank retorts too loudly. He slouches down a bit when the bartender looks up at him, startled. “I’m not. Not this time.”

Mikey snorts and takes a drink of his beer.

They drink in silence for a few moments before Frank asks, “What happened with Bert?”

Mikey just shakes his head.

“Please tell me. I think I should know.”

Mikey stares at the bar. “It’s not up to me to tell.”

Frank scratches his knee. He feels defeated. “I don’t think I’m ready to ask Gerard about it yet…”

“He wouldn’t talk about it, anyway.”

“Right, so there has to be something you can tell me. I just…” Frank rubs at his legs in frustration. “I just don’t want to fuck this up before I even start. I need to know what I’m getting into here.”

Mikey drains his beer and turns his head toward Frank but doesn’t look at him. “Bert was-” Mikey waves his arm, “Bert was like, the boyfriend to end all boyfriends.”

“That sounds a bit melodramatic.”

Mikey raises his eyebrows and looks at Frank through his hair. “This is Gerard we’re talking about. Melodrama is like his standard setting.” Frank just looks at Mikey and waits, tapping his fingers on the bar once more. Mikey sighs and finally speaks again. “So, seriously, that’s how badly Gerard took the breakup, okay? Like, I honestly don’t think it would have surprised anyone if Gerard never dated again.” He puts his hand on Frank’s fingers, stilling them. “I’m like, so fucking proud of him that he’s going for it with you. But I’m terrified, too.” Mikey drops his hand back to his lap. “Fuck, he’s terrified, I’m sure of it. He’s just not showing it, probably not even admitting it to himself.” He looks thoughtful as waves at the bartender to order another beer then he says, “Gerard is super good at hiding things from himself. Like, the whole last year with Bert? Things were really terrible, but Gee just wouldn’t see it, you know?” Mikey waits for Frank to nod before he continues. “He was so in love with Bert. Gerard doesn’t do things half-way. When he falls in love, it’s like… like Bert used to say, it was like the most powerful feelings in the universe, good and bad, all directed at you all at once.”

Frank gets that. Somehow, he totally does. He thinks about how it felt to have Gerard over him, touching him, kissing him, making him feel everything. It was good, though. Why would anyone not want that? “But why did they break up?”

“I guess in the end, Bert just couldn’t handle it. I think it was really easy that first year while Gerard was still drunk all the time.” Mikey stops and seems to consider his words before he continues. “Like, when Gerard drank, he was like the ‘Diet Coke’ of himself. Like the watered down version, so he was easier to handle. Sober Gerard is undiluted. It’s like ‘the real thing’. At max volume. All the time.”

“But it’s good that he’s sober!” Frank is starting to feel really protective of Gerard.

“Oh! Of course it is! I didn’t mean… I mean, I’m glad he’s sober, it’s great. It’s SO much better this way.” Mikey waves his hands to emphasize this point. “Gee is happier sober than he ever was drunk, and his work is so much better. No, he needs to be sober, definitely.” Mikey stops, wrinkling his brow a little bit. “I think… I guess I thought he’d just decided that like… well, in the end I think Gee thought he was having to choose between sobriety and relationships.”

“He doesn’t have to choose!” Frank’s voice rises. “He’s fine sober! There’s nothing wrong with him!”

“Frank.” Mikey grabs Frank’s hand and makes him be still. “You have hung out with him exactly one time. I know you guys hooked up and that’s great. But it was one night, okay?” Frank deflates and nods. Mikey pats his hand. “Of course Gerard doesn’t have to choose between sobriety and relationships, but he thought he did. That’s all I’m saying.” He squeezes Frank’s fingers. “But I’m really glad that he’s changed his mind.”

“Yeah?” Frank’s doesn’t think he’s ever felt so unsure about anything in his life.

“Yeah,” Mikey says firmly, before letting go of Frank’s hand. “Yeah, I really am.”

*_*_*

So Frank is embarrassingly nervous before Gerard comes over on Saturday. It takes everything he has in him to fight his desire to clean the apartment. For a brief, hysterical moment, he considers actually messing it up a bit, but he can’t bring himself to do it.

He spends a lot of the afternoon in the kitchen preparing the chili. Everything’s fresh because he waited until this morning to go to the store for all the ingredients. He actually finds it quite relaxing, chopping up the vegetables, rinsing the beans, and soaking the rice that he always makes to go with the chili. He’s made this recipe dozens of times. It was one of the first things he learned to make when he decided to become a vegetarian. It’s kind of like an old friend. He’s sure Gerard will like it.

Frank texts him about an hour before he’s supposed to get there to ask about spices.

how spicy u like ur chili?

Gerard texts back immediately, which Frank thinks is a good sign.

Spicy!

This makes Frank smile because he likes it spicy too. He goes to town adding black and cracked red pepper, garlic, and chili powder until the whole apartment stinks of it and he has to open a window to air the place out.

He stirs the pot once more before turning it down to simmer until Gerard gets there and they’re ready to eat. Then Frank decides to go ahead and walk the dogs around outside for a while, so he won’t have to worry about them so much once Gerard arrives.

When he gets back, it’s almost five.

He fills the dogs’ water and food bowls, stirs the chili again and lights up a cigarette to smoke while he waits.

At exactly 5:01, the buzzer from downstairs sounds. He jumps up and presses the button, “Gerard?”

“Hi, Frank!”

“Hi! Come on up!” Frank holds the button for the door to open downstairs and then stands in the doorway, waiting. As soon as Gerard rounds the corner from the stairwell, Frank feels his face break into a huge grin. He couldn’t play it cool, even if he tried.

Gerard is grinning, too, by the time he gets to Frank. Frank backs up into the apartment, so Gerard can come in and closes the door behind him. Then he just stands there, smiling like a goon. Gerard stands right in front of him and cocks his head to the side a bit and Frank feels his hand come up to rest on his hip. “Hey, Frankie.”

Frank doesn’t even say hey or hi or whatever, he just goes for it. He’s leaning up with his hand on the back of Gerard’s neck and his tongue in his mouth before he even has time to think about what he’s doing. And it’s good. It’s so good. Gerard tastes like toothpaste and smoke and there’s so much force in the way he’s moving his mouth, it’s like he wants to eat Frank alive.

Frank smiles into the kiss and turns his head to the side to get a better angle. Then Gerard is moaning in his throat and reaching his hand around Frank’s back to pull him in until their bodies are pressed against each other. Frank licks up at the roof of Gerard’s mouth and tilts his head up, panting, while Gerard leans down to lick and nibble at his neck. He trembles and gasps as he feels Gerard’s hand on his ass, massaging and squeezing and it’s all Frank can do not to start humping his leg like a teenager.

Gerard leaves one last, long stripe up his neck and then Frank is turning his head back down and opening his eyes, only to find Gerard’s eyes staring right into his. They touch their foreheads together, panting into each other’s mouths for a few seconds before Frank finally says, “Hey.”

“I missed you.”

“Mmmm, I can tell,” Frank says, nodding, before leaning up to give Gerard’s lips one more firm kiss. He reluctantly backs away and immediately scowls at the carpet where he sees that he’s managed to inadvertently drop ashes in a pile at his feet because he completely forgot about the cigarette he was holding in his left hand while he and Gerard were kissing. “Well, shit.”

Gerard looks at the floor. “Sorry about that. Guess I distracted you.”

“Yes, you did.” Frank tries to feign anger. “Now you have to pay to have my carpet cleaned.”

Gerard just laughs. “Whatever, okay. Totally worth it if I get to have more kisses like that.”

“Oh you’re getting more,” Frank says darkly. He turns around and walks into the kitchen, motioning for Gerard to follow.

Once in the kitchen, Frank notices Gerard has brought his sketchpad with him. He must stare at it a moment too long because Gerard sees and says, “I’m going to draw you later.”

A chill runs up Frank’s spine as Gerard speaks. Something about his tone is not casual at all, and the way he says it, like it’s not even a question or a request, turns Frank on to the point where he’s almost ready to just forget about the fucking chili. Almost.

“Okay, um… the food is ready.” Frank gestures at the stove. “Are you hungry?”

Gerard nods. “Yeah, I didn’t eat lunch. Usually I just forget if I’m busy, but today it was intentional.”

Frank feels himself blush as he gets the bowls down out of the cabinet. “Do you want rice, too, or just the chili?”

“Rice is good.” Frank almost drops the bowls as he realizes Gerard is standing right behind him, putting his hands on his hips under his shirt. “Sorry, it’s just… when you reached up, your shirt rode up and I could see your back and I just had to touch.” Gerard nuzzles his nose down into his neck and inhales and Frank giggles at the feel of it. Gerard’s hands reach around to his stomach, his fingers trailing gently. It tickles and makes Frank shiver as he turns around to face Gerard. Gerard takes his hands off Frank’s waist and brings them up to cup either side of his head and he just looks for the longest time. Just when Frank is beginning to feel like he can’t take it anymore, Gerard says, “Do you have any idea how fucking gorgeous you are?” He says it reverently, like a prayer or something. And Frank feels for a second like he wants to cry.

He doesn’t though. He carefully sets the bowls down on the counter without looking away from Gerard and brings his hands up to place them over Gerard’s. He closes his eyes for a moment and swallows before opening them again. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” Gerard seems like he really doesn’t know.

“Make me feel like that?” Frank takes one of Gerard’s hands and puts it over his heart where it’s beating so hard it should be breaking his ribs. “Feel that?”

Gerard nods and leans down to kiss Frank again. When he pulls back just enough to speak, he smiles and says with the tiniest laugh, “You made me chili.”

“I did.” Frank smiles back. “Did you want to eat that sometime tonight?”

Gerard moves out of Frank’s space and answers with a decisive “Yes,” as he takes a bowl from the counter and fills it with rice and chili.

They don’t talk much while they eat, but it’s okay. It’s more than okay. Gerard does say that the chili is delicious, but Frank thinks that he probably could have offered up dog food at this point and Gerard would eat it without complaining.

After eating, they forego the Xbox when Gerard asks if they can take the dogs for a walk since it’s such a nice evening. They smoke as they walk.

They’ve walked about six blocks when Gerard starts talking. “I miss the seasons a lot.” Frank looks at him questioningly. “I mean, I don’t notice them. Like, I’m inside all the time so I don’t realize the weather’s changing. I keep the house the same temperature all the time and I work from home, so I only pay attention if I go out, which is rare.” Gerard takes a deep drag off his cigarette. “So this is really nice. I mean, it’s nice to have a reason to be outside and notice that it’s summer.”

“I’m glad,” is all Frank can think of to say. He stops to pick up after one of the dogs and finally has to ask, “So how bad is it, really? I mean, you don’t like, really never go out, do you?”

“Before I met you?” Gerard pauses to consider. “I would go out, like, once a month, maybe, at the most.” Gerard lights another cigarette off the one he’s just finished. “And that’s only if I absolutely had to. Like, there had to be no choice, no other option.” Gerard scratches his head for a second, thinking. “I worked with my current editor for almost two years before we actually met in person.”

“That’s insane.”

“It works for me.” Gerard smirks at Frank and grabs his hand that isn’t holding the leashes.

“Okay, but why did you pick up Pebbles? I mean, they could have just waited another day. She didn’t have to be picked up that day.”

“Oh, well, Mikey wanted to stick it to me. We had been fighting the week before. I was… I was supposed to do something for our mom and I just completely forgot. I owed Mikey one, so I couldn’t really say no.” Gerard squeezes Frank’s hand and then lets go to shove his fingers though his hair as they duck under a low tree branch. “Like, when Mikey has something over my head, he almost always will cash in with some way to get me out of the house. It used to make me so mad, but now… I mean, I get it. It’s ‘cause he loves me, you know? He worries about me.”

“Yeah.” Frank nods. He gets it. That Mikey would do that, make Gerard think he didn’t have a choice but to go out. “So when you don’t leave the house ever, do you like, lose track of time? I mean, how do you remember what day it is?”

“Well, I have a calendar and shit.” Gerard laughs. “No, really, I can’t be completely out of touch, because I’m always working. You know, like, deadlines and meetings, I can’t get away from them.”

“But the meetings are like, conference calls?”

“Well yeah, or video chats.”

“Okay, so how do you get food?”

Gerard looks at Frank kind of funny before answering, “I have it delivered.”

“You don’t go to the grocery store?”

Gerard stops suddenly and practically turns green right before Frank’s eyes. “No, never.”

“Never?”

Gerard starts walking on a little ahead of Frank. Frank can barely hear him when he repeats, “Never.”

They don’t talk again until they’re walking back into Frank’s apartment. As soon as they’re inside and the door is shut, Gerard grabs Frank’s face and kisses him hard. When he pulls back, breathless, he says, “I want to draw you now.”

Gerard has Frank take off his shirt and lay on the couch. It takes a good five minutes for Frank to stop laughing and making Titanic jokes before he’s still and calm enough for Gerard to draw him.

“Are you done now?” Gerard asks, bemused, once Frank finally has it all out of his system.

Frank nods and Gerard just shakes his head at him fondly as he begins drawing. Frank watches him. He’s sitting just a few feet away in the brown leather armchair that was Frank’s Grandfather’s. He puts one leg up over the other and balances his sketchpad on it as he draws. Frank watches his face, the way he keeps pulling his lips into his mouth like he’s thinking. He notices the little line the Gerard gets between his eyebrows when he pulls them together in concentration.

Frank is really not good at sitting still. He thinks he makes it about five minutes, maybe ten, before he asks, “Can I have a cigarette while you draw me?”

“Sure.” Gerard hardly even looks up as he tosses the pack to Frank.

Smoking makes it a little bit easier to stay still, but it’s not long before Frank starts absently twirling a finger in his hair. “That’s cute,” Gerard says, suddenly erasing vigorously. “Keep doing that.”

Once he realizes he has permission to fidget a little bit, Frank finally starts to relax. Evening shadows fall across the room. At some point Gerard gets up to turn on a lamp near Frank’s head. While he’s there, he plants a tender kiss on Frank’s forehead, but doesn’t say anything.

Frank has no idea how much time passes. Eventually, he starts to get cold as an evening breeze comes in through the open windows. He’s just started getting goose bumps when Gerard sits down next to him and rubs his warm hands over Frank’s arms. “Cold?”

“A little.”

Gerard pulls Frank up so he’s sitting and puts his arms around him. His body is like a furnace and Frank snuggles in. “I’m finished.” He puts the sketchpad in Frank’s lap and lets him turn through the pages of the drawings he’s done. There are three and they’re all amazing.

Frank doesn’t know what to say. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” Gerard’s voice is right by Frank’s ear and he shivers. Gerard tightens his arms around Frank’s shoulders and asks, “Do you like them?”

“I love them.” Frank nuzzles his head back into the crook of Gerard’s neck. “Can I have one?”

“Of course. Whichever one you want, just tell me.”

“I’ll have to think about it.”

“That’s fine.” Gerard kisses the top of Frank’s head as he closes the sketchpad and sets it on the coffee table.

Frank suddenly gets an idea. He turns around to look at Gerard. “Hey, do you wanna go on the roof?”

“The roof?”

“Yeah, you know, outside.” Frank looks up. “Over our heads.”

“I know what the roof is.” Gerard rolls his eyes. “Why do you want to go up there?”

“Because it’s pretty and I want you to see,” Frank says, standing up and pulling on Gerard’s arms.

“Okay, but you should put a shirt on.”

Frank looks down and realizes he’s still shirtless. “Oh yeah, hang on.”

Frank ends up putting on a hoodie, too, since it’s a cool evening. He insists that they make a bag of microwave popcorn to take up with them. At the last minute, he remembers to grab a blanket to sit on. He thinks he hears Gerard mutter something like, “afraid to get dirty” under his breath.

Once on the roof, they lay the blanket out and get settled, leaning back against the brick wall of the stairwell. Frank sits down and Gerard turns to look at him, but Frank stops him, pointing at the sky. “Look up.”

The sky is full of stars, millions of them. Frank leans back and just stares up at them all. “It makes me feel small, you know? But not in a bad way.”

Gerard takes Frank’s hand in his and laces their fingers together. “Yeah, I know.” He says, reaching his other hand into the bag of popcorn and bringing a handful of it up to Frank’s mouth. Frank laughs as he eats out of Gerard’s hand. “You know, I always used to say that this was part of the reason why I could never move to the city, not being able to see the stars.” Gerard rests his head on top of Frank’s. “But I don’t ever really look at them.” Gerard eats a handful of popcorn himself before he continues. “I don’t think that’s what it’s about, though. I think I just need to know that I could look at them if I wanted to.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Franks grabs a handful of popcorn and holds it up to Gerard’s mouth. He eats it obediently after he’s done giggling. “So this is like, really romantic, huh?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Like a date.”

“This is a date, Frank.” Gerard rubs his thumb over the top of Frank’s hand.

“Yeah.”

They finish the bag of popcorn in silence and rearrange themselves so that they are spooning, with Gerard in the back as the big spoon. Gerard lights a cigarette that he puts in Frank’s mouth, and then lights one for himself. Then he starts talking.

“So I had an anxiety attack in a grocery store.”

“Okay.” Frank starts to say more, but Gerard puts a hand over his mouth.

“I’m going to tell the story. You just have to listen.” Frank nods and Gerard drops his hand. “It was about six months after my last relationship ended. We were pretty serious and I was still kind of a mess. So this would be like… four and a half years ago.” Frank knows he can’t talk, but Gerard didn’t say anything about touching, so he takes Gerard’s hand in his and holds it tightly. Gerard continues, “It was a weeknight, like around eight o’clock. I was really tired. I’d had a meeting in New York about the comic that day. This was before I had enough clout to demand phone conferences and get them.”

Gerard shuffles and brings his leg up to lie on top of Frank’s. “The meeting had been fine, but I was just so tired. And I wanted a drink. I wanted one so badly. I’d been so nervous about the meeting and getting through it was such a relief. It was the kind of night where you go for a drink to help you relax. And it just seemed so unfair that normal people can just go and have a drink.” Gerard takes a drag off his cigarette. “I remember that I was specifically craving sangria that night. Like, I could taste it.” He pauses and scratches his knee. “I really just wanted to go home after that meeting and not be tempted, but there was no food in the house and I knew it. So, I had this cart full of food. I wasn’t looking forward to waiting in line and waiting for it all to get bagged up. I remember for some reason there were so many crabby people at the store that night. I kept seeing moms with kids who were tired and cranky. And it was winter, you know? So that always makes everyone feel like everything is just awful. You know, because you’re always so cold and you just can’t get warm?”

Frank nods and waits a few seconds until Gerard continues. “So I was doing really badly, like the whole time. I was having trouble following my list of what I needed and I couldn’t decide what I wanted to get. I was just putting stuff in the cart, you know, like… I couldn’t make myself concentrate hard enough to choose between two different kinds of frozen pizza.” Gerard takes a final drag off his cigarette and stubs it out. “I felt like… I felt like I was looking at everything through some kind of gauzy film like… like maybe I wasn’t really even there. Like maybe it was just my body that was there, but Gerard was gone? I don’t really know how else to describe it.”

Gerard is silent for a few seconds. Remembering, Frank thinks. Frank squeezes his hand and he shakes himself and scoots back to sit up a bit more, bringing Frank up with him. “So I had almost everything on my list and I was in the pharmacy and all I still needed was toothpaste. I’d been out of toothpaste for like, weeks. I always forget to buy it because I’m not really good about brushing my teeth that often. I like… forget?” Gerard shifts again and Frank rubs his thumb on the top of his hand and hopes it’s soothing and not annoying. “So I was thinking about my teeth which made me think about Bert because of this fight that we’d had just a few weeks before we broke up. He was complaining because the only toothpaste I had at my house was expired. He started in on some rant about how my teeth were going to rot and fall out because I’m so gross and can’t remember to brush my fucking teeth often enough to use up all of the toothpaste before it expires.”

Gerard puts his other hand on top of Frank’s. “So I was standing there, thinking about Bert and looking at this shelf with like, 600 different choices of toothpaste and I had to choose just one and I couldn’t do it. I thought about how I should get one for whitening because I smoke and drink so much coffee and so my teeth are really yellow, but I didn’t know if I needed something special for tartar control. And I didn’t know what brands were good. I thought maybe I should get something for sensitive teeth because sometimes sweet things make my teeth hurt. And that made me think that maybe the enamel is rotting off my teeth or something, like Bert said, because I don’t brush enough.”

Gerard stops and takes several deep breaths. “So I was standing there staring at all the toothpaste, and I was sweating, and my heart was beating so fast, I thought… I thought for a few minutes that I was having a heart attack… and I just left.”

Gerard blows out a long, slow breath. “I left this whole cart full of food right there in the toothpaste aisle. I walked out to my car and called Mikey and told him he needed to come get me because I was too fucked up to drive. And he did. He came and took me home. And that was it. We went back for my car the next day.” Gerard lifts his chin up from Frank’s head and runs his fingers through his hair. “And that’s why I don’t go to grocery stores. It’s still hard enough trying to choose what I want to order online, but at least now I can have the anxiety attack in the safety and comfort of my own home.”

They sit in silence until Frank realizes that he has tears on his cheeks. He untangles his hands from Gerard’s and brings them up to wipe his face. “Can I talk again?”

“Yes.”

Frank turns around to face Gerard and kneels up between his legs. “Who else knows about that?”

“No one. Just Mikey.”

He puts his arms around Gerard’s shoulders and sits up, bringing Gerard’s head in to rest against his collarbone. “I’m okay, now,” Gerard mumbles into his chest, bringing his arms around Frank’s back and pulling him in.

“I know. I just want to hold you.”

“Okay.”

Frank holds Gerard's head to his chest, stroking his hair gently, for as long as he can stand being up on his knees. Then he sinks back to sit on his heels and moves in close so that they're eye-to-eye. "You didn't have to tell me that," he says so softly it’s almost a whisper.

"I wanted you to know. I'm not-" Gerard looks down, "I'm not in the habit of airing all my shit to people, I just…" He tenses his shoulders and then relaxes them again before he looks back up. "I just need to know now if you can't handle my shit. I can't wait to find that out, because... because I'm just all messed up over you." Gerard has an almost desperate look in his eyes and it makes Frank's heart swell and ache.

Frank smiles and brings his hands up to either side of Gerard's face, thumbs stroking slowly down his cheeks. "I'm pretty messed up over you, too," he says, laughing wryly at himself.

Frank feels like Gerard just metaphorically took all his clothes off and now he's naked in Frank's hands and he doesn't even seem afraid. That scares the shit out of Frank, but he's not going to freak out. He's not going to freak out. He's going to kiss this beautiful man who's just bared his soul to him.

When they kiss this time, it's like they’re communicating on some other level that only involves teeth and tongues. Frank is learning Gerard's taste now and his mouth seems to seek it without his brain's permission. Gerard has his arms wrapped around Frank’s middle, tugging him close. He bends Frank backwards, taking control of the kiss. Frank feels vulnerable and he doesn't know why. He isn't the one who just spilled his guts. But now Gerard is slowly lowering Frank down onto his back, moving away just enough to give Frank room to stretch his legs out and Frank forgets about feeling vulnerable because he doesn't want this to stop.

Gerard moves over Frank, stretching out over him and pushing his arms up over his head. He grasps Frank’s hands and holds them to the blanket-covered ground while settling his body atop Frank's. Burying his face in Frank's neck, he inhales deeply, as if he’s cataloging Frank's scent for future reference. Frank shivers as Gerard brings his mouth up to his ear, licking lightly around the outer shell.

Then Gerard's mouth is back over Frank's. He lets go of Frank’s left wrist to bring his hand down to his waist. He snakes his hand up under Frank's shirt and plants it firmly on his belly for a few seconds before dragging it all the way up to his collarbone and then back down to his belt buckle. He leaves his hand to hover there for a moment as he breaks the kiss and whispers "okay?"

Frank nods and grunts, "Yes, okay. More than okay."

Gerard smiles and starts working on Frank's belt, undoing his button and zip as he shifts his body down until his face is over Frank's belly.

"Oh," Frank moans in surprise. "Okay, that's okay, too."

Gerard laughs, burying his face in Frank's stomach and licking at his belly button before following the trail of hair down to his groin. He raises his head and pulls down Frank's underwear and pants. Frank lifts his hips up and kicks off his shoes so that Gerard can remove his pants and underwear completely. For a minute Frank feels silly lying outside on the roof in only his shirt and socks. He giggles nervously and wonders when he regressed to feeling like a fumbling teenager. His self-consciousness is short-lived, though, because the next thing he feels is Gerard's mouth, sucking on his hip, and all thoughts other than ‘yes, good’, and ‘please’ fly from his brain.

Gerard palms Frank's erection with his left hand and uses his right to hold Frank's hip down as he leaves hickeys all over his left hip-bone. Frank shivers and shudders, but he doesn't thrust up. He wants to let Gerard take his time. His self-control reminds him that he is definitely not a teenager. His younger self would never have been able to keep still through this kind of sensory onslaught. The delicious, tingling sensations that Gerard's teeth are sending up his spine are almost more than he can take.

After sucking for several long minutes, Gerard lifts his head up to smile up at Frank through his hair. Frank just stares back. Gerard's face is flushed, his eyes bright and intense, his lips red and puffy, and he hasn't even put his mouth on Frank's cock yet.

"Okay?" he asks again.

Frank can't even stand it. He lets his head fall back, arching his neck. "Yes, yes it's okay. Anything, whatever you want to do, I don't care. Just keep touching me," Frank moans. He knows how wanton he sounds, but he really can't care at this point. He squeezes his eyes shut and just lets himself feel because Gerard's mouth is finally on his dick.

Gerard just licks at the tip for a minute, like it's a lollipop or a popsicle or something. Frank can't help it when his hips jerk up of their own accord, he's beyond holding back now. He hears Gerard laugh, low in his throat and Franks says, "Fucker" and reaches down to put his hand on Gerard's head lightly, urging him on. Gerard doesn't tease much longer. Frank looks down just in time to see his mouth slowly sinking over his shaft. Frank can't believe it as he watches him go down until he's taking almost all of him at once. It's hot and tight and wet and perfect. Gerard pulls all the way off and gasps for breath. He looks up into Frank's eyes and smiles wickedly before sinking back down again.

Gerard gets a rhythm going, his left hand aiding him in jerking Frank off. He reaches up to the hand that Frank still has on his head and intertwines their fingers, bringing their hands down to rest on Frank’s belly. Frank's just starting to get used to the rhythm when Gerard suddenly pulls all the way off. He lifts up Frank's cock and goes down to lick at his balls and Frank's whole body trembles. Gerard does this swirling thing with his tongue, sucks Frank's balls right into his mouth, and massages them with his tongue for what feels like an eternity.

The entire time that Gerard's mouth is doing this, he continues stroking Frank, his thumb running slowly and firmly up and down the vein on the underside. A high pitched noise that Frank has never heard before escapes his throat just as Gerard lets Frank's balls fall out of his mouth and gives them a few last licks before moving back to Frank's hard-on. Gerard sinks down again and doesn't mess around this time. He uses his hand more now so he can speed up his strokes, while still using his mouth to apply delicious wet, hot pressure on the tip. The rhythm becomes impossibly fast and it's not long before Frank is close. He squeezes Gerard's hand and whimpers, "Gee."

Gerard squeezes his hand back and doesn't lessen his strokes. He keeps his mouth on the end of Frank's dick like he's waiting. Frank’s eyes go wide as he realizes what Gerard means to do just as his whole body seizes up, muscles clenching, and he comes. He throws his head back, eyes shut tight as he spills his spunk right down Gerard's throat, feeling him swallow around his over-sensitized cock.

Gerard pulls his mouth off, but continues to stroke Frank right through it until he’s totally spent. They’re still holding hands on Frank’s belly. Gerard moves his thumb around a little in the palm of his hand as he lays his head down on Frank's stomach.

Frank's not really sure, but he thinks it takes a good two or three full minutes before he comes back to himself. He looks down at Gerard, seeing their hands still intertwined and pushes himself up onto his elbow. He tugs his hand free of Gerard's and reaches down to pull him up by his armpit, saying, "C'mere, c'mere," and doesn't stop pulling until he's got Gerard on top of him again. He grabs Gerard's face with both hands, smiles up at him and says, "Hi" before bringing their mouths together for a lazy kiss.

Tasting himself in Gerard’s mouth is all the impetus Frank needs to break the kiss and start pushing Gerard up, saying, “Off, off” and “Where are my pants?” and “We need to get inside!” Gerard finds Frank’s pants and underwear and hands them to him. Frank pulls on his pants, but skips the underwear in favor of carrying it along with his shoes and the blanket in a big bundle in his arms. “Get the popcorn bag,” he directs Gerard and then he pushes him toward the stairs.

On the way down, Gerard asks, “Why are we in such a hurry?”

“Because!” Frank grinds out, exasperated. Once they get to Frank’s floor and are rushing down the hall, he says, “Because you just gave me what was inarguably one of the best blowjobs of my entire life and I have to reciprocate.”

Frank unlocks his door in haste and pushes Gerard inside the apartment, blatantly ignoring the barking dogs and drops everything in his arms in a heap inside the door. He slams the door shut and grabs Gerard, shoving him up against it. “What I need right now is you naked in my bed.” Frank bites at Gerard’s neck and he gasps.

Gerard’s voice is high and tight as he says, “You don’t need to reciprocate.”

Frank sucks on Gerard’s neck long enough to make what he is sure will be a brilliant hickey before pulling his mouth off and wiping his lips. “Oh believe me, this is not about need. This is want.” Frank fixes Gerard with the most seductive glare he can muster. “In fact, I don’t think there is any power in the universe strong enough to keep me from ripping your clothes off right now.”

Gerard cocks his head to the side, smirks and says, “Right now?” The sassy prick.

Frank narrows his eyes and grins wolfishly. “Right. Now.”

Moonlight, be a friend tonight, we're all wrecked up on these dreams.
Holding on a bit too tight, well, I've got splinters from these moonbeams.
If it seems I'm falling down, if it seems we're falling through,
Darling, you know that is nothing, you know that is nothing new.