Work Text:
David knew it was a horrible idea, the moment Jimmy announced that he wasn’t joining them for drinks that night, he knew. When he drinks, he loses control, everything changes, when he drinks, he’d fuck anyone for nothing. But when Jimmy’s there and he’s drinking, Jimmy keeps him in line, with little touches and little kisses and whispered promises of what will come if he stays faithful, not to mention the way Jimmy tugs him away from potential affairs. But when Jimmy said he wasn’t going, David knew he should have thrown in the towel, but he didn’t.
He pulled Jimmy into an empty room where they’d have privacy and he kissed him, whispering that he’d be home later and that Jimmy shouldn’t wait up for him because he’d have to make sure everyone else had Taxis first and then he’d gone. Jimmy watched him go, a sense of foreboding in his gut but he’d shaken it off and headed to his car, this was his test for David and he had complete trust in David to remain faithful.
—
It comes as no surprise to David when he finds himself being tugged into the back of a Taxi with a pretty blonde who’s name he can’t even pronounce let alone remember. Somehow they manage to pay the driver and tell him exactly where to go, her apartment, he can’t go home, but just at this moment he can’t quite remember just why that is…
He doesn’t think twice when she pulls him through the door, or when he’s shoving her against the wall and kissing her like there’s no tomorrow, like he’s not in a committed relationship. He doesn’t think twice as they fall onto her bed and the clothes start coming off. He doesn’t think twice when he falls asleep with her in his arms a last whispered proclamation of love he doesn’t feel slipping from his lips.
—
Waking up to find it’s 4:30 in the morning in an unfamiliar bed with a strange blonde whose name he doesn’t even know shocks him and he scrambles to his feet, throwing on his clothes and dashing from the apartment, he manages to get a Taxi and when he crawls into bed beside Jimmy, he wraps his arms around him and whispers that he’s sorry. It’s the way Jimmy rolls away from him, still sleeping, that has him asking himself why he jeopardized everything.
—
When David wakes 3 hours later it’s to an empty bed and the sound of things being moved in the kitchen. He groans as he tries to ignore the headache pounding in his head and he gets out of bed. When he finds Jimmy in the kitchen, already dressed and swearing over the lack of milk in the fridge, he wraps his arms around him and whispers an apology into his ear. Jimmy turns to face him, a frown on his face.
“Do I want to know what you’re apologizing for, David?” he asks, looking into his eyes. David tries not to wince and ever so slowly allows his arms to fall away from his lover.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to stay out so late.” David can’t bring himself to say it, to admit that he cheated, to admit that he fucked everything up because he couldn’t turn down a drink. But Jimmy can see it in his eyes, Jimmy knows what he’s not saying.
“Have a nice day, David…” Jimmy says, grabbing his keys and his wallet from the table and he walks out the door, slamming it behind him, David jumps and tries not to whimper at the noise. He doesn’t try to find anything to calm his aching brain, he feels the pain is too kind a punishment for the crime he has committed.
—
David haunts the apartment all day, waiting for Jimmy to come back, and nursing his hangover, or not so much nursing as trying to ignore. So when Jimmy walks through the door, David pounces, he wraps his arms around Jimmy and slams the door with his foot.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t… it was a mistake, Jimmy. I promise it won’t happen again. I’ll stop drinking. I won’t drink again, ever, not even if you begged me too. I won’t touch another drink in my life… I didn’t mean…” David’s not even sure what he’s saying anymore, he’s just holding tight to Jimmy and spouting whatever pops into his head because he’s so afraid that if he lets go, if he stops talking, Jimmy’s just going to leave and never speak to him again. Jimmy remains expressionless throughout except for the minor scowl that crossed his face when David wrapped his arms around him, limiting his movement severely.
“David, let go. I just came to get my stuff. I’m actually going to start using my apartment from now on so you can bring your fucks back here. Don’t make this harder on the both of us…” David’s arms fall away and he stumbles backwards, into the door, his thoughts swirling through his head but not being recognized.
‘You-you're moving out? Jimmy… it was a mistake, I didn’t… I didn’t mean it… don’t… please don’t go…” David’s only half aware that he’s begging. Jimmy closes his eyes and takes a deep breath in before heading to the bedroom and grabbing a suitcase out.
“I’m sorry, David, you made your choice, now I’m making mine, you’re just going to have to live with it, like I’m going to have to live with not being able to trust you.” Jimmy says, regretting the punch he knows he’s just landed against David’s already wounded heart. He hears the broken sob from David and he feels his heart break, but then he remembers that David’s the one who betrayed him, not the other way around, and he shoves his clothes into the suitcase and starts collecting all of his effects, all the while trying to ignore David crying in the other room.
—
David’s mind is whirling, he’s trying to pinpoint the exact moment when he went astray, he thinks it’s the moment he didn’t say no to the night out drinking, but then he realizes that, really, he screwed everything up when he got into that taxi with that girl. He doesn’t know what’s worse, the fact that he cheated on Jimmy or the fact that he cheated on Jimmy with a girl whose name he can’t even remember, whose face he can’t recall. In the end he thinks he just fucks everything up and it doesn’t matter how or when or why, all that matters is what he’s going to do about it now. But then he hears Jimmy say that he can’t be trusted and everything shatters. He knows he shouldn’t have expected any different but actually hearing Jimmy say it, it’s just unbearable and he can’t…
—
Jimmy walks out of the bedroom, dragging his suitcase behind him, that’s when he sees David; leaning against the front door, hugging his legs with his head on his knees. Jimmy can hear the muffled sobbing coming from his former love and he fights against the urges to wrap his arms around him and soothe him, promise him he’s not leaving, promise that no matter what happens, he won’t go. But he can’t promise that, he’s not like David, he can’t make promises that he knows he can’t keep. He sighs.
“David… I just need some space… this is not… I don’t… I just need some space. I think we should both just… take a break from each other, alright?” it’s the shuddering gasp from David that tells Jimmy David’s getting himself far too worked up about this, but the nod that follows tells him David’s listening. “Now, you’re blocking the door, please move.” he knows it’s a low blow, but it’s not as packed a punch as the blow that comes when David just… crawls away from the door, refusing to look Jimmy in the eye, refusing to say anything, but Jimmy can see the way he’s shaking as he moves, Jimmy can tell that he’s still crying. That hits Jimmy hard because he’s the one who was cheated on by David but David’s the one acting like he’s the victim. “Jesus, David, you’re the one who’s in the wrong here. I’m the one who should be on the floor making a fool out of myself. Man up and stop being mental.” then he leaves the apartment, slamming the door behind him for the second time that day. Had he known how those last words would affect the broken man he left behind, he never would have said them.
—
It’s not until a week later that Jimmy realizes that in the days leading up to David cheating, David had been getting progressively more quiet, odd and agitated over the little things. Jimmy had put this down to David just being David, now he thinks that maybe it was something more. He remembers the way David used to have a beer or two before clambering into bed beside him, he remembers the way David told him it was ‘so he had a dreamless sleep’ and the haunted look in his eyes as he’d said it. Jimmy remembers the way he used to wake up every morning to find David clinging possessively to him in his sleep, and how when he slipped away from him every morning, David woke up in a panic to find him sneaking out the door, Jimmy remembers the way David would follow him out to the kitchen, watching him as if he expected him to just disappear right before his eyes. Jimmy realizes that something about him was scaring David or upsetting him, and he thinks he knows exactly what it was.
—
When Jimmy arrives at the apartment, he uses his key to let himself in and he doesn’t like what he sees. The entire apartment is dark and there’s clothes and books and dish-ware lying all around the kitchen and the living room floor but no David. Jimmy frowns as he heads towards the bedroom, where there’s the soft glow of the moon lighting up the room. He reaches the bedroom and his heart feels like it’s leaping into his throat as he sees David, lying unconscious on the floor, his wrists cut open, a razor blade sitting discarded and bloody on the floor beside him. Jimmy dives towards David, tears strips from his shirt and starts wrapping David’s wrists to stop the bleeding.
“Oh David…” he whispers, fighting against the tears. He notices as he’s sorting out David’s wrists that the cuts are not fatal and that the bleeding had already started to slow down by the time he arrived. He ties off the last strip of cloth on David’s left wrist and then pulls him into his arms, holding him close. “Oh David, I’m so sorry.” David moans and his eyes flutter open, a small smile graces his face when he sees Jimmy.
“Jimmy… I’ sorry… I didn’t mean to cheat… I didn’t mean. I’ sorry, so sorry… was mistake… lost you… sorry… didn’t mean…” Jimmy can tell that David’s drunk and he sighs, David reeks of alcohol, how could he have missed that? He just rocks them side to side and rests his cheek against the top of David’s head.
“It’s alright, it’s alright. I forgive you. I forgive you. I’m sorry I left, I'm sorry! I didn't... I didn't know you were... I didn't know you were worried I was going to leave you... I didn't know you were losing control. I'm sorry, David. I'm so sorry... I didn't... you cheated and I couldn't... I’m sorry, David. I promise I won’t leave you again… I promise…” and it’s the small giggle and grin that David gives Jimmy that makes him see that no matter what, he was always going to have ended up back with David, and he thinks that maybe he should have realized that sooner… maybe then the floor in their bedroom wouldn’t be stained with David’s blood.
“Love you, Jimmy…” David slurs at him as his eyes close. Jimmy just smiles.
“I love you too, David, and I’m going to have some fun with that hangover you’re going to have when you wake up tomorrow…” he says, but David’s already fallen asleep, and Jimmy’s just a little disappointed by that fact as he slowly moves away from David to find clothes to change him into so he can put him to bed. He won’t admit it but he missed being able to watch David sleep, to see the smile on his face that was so genuine and so soft, so David.
—
After getting David changed and tucked into bed, Jimmy sets about cleaning the apartment. First he manages to soak the bloodstains out of the carpet and then he moves on to the rest of the apartment but as he turns on the lights in the kitchen and living room to finally gauge the damage, he sighs, it was going to be an incredibly long night…