Archive of Our Own

Darcy Lewis mostly loved her job as a bartender but some nights it sucked major balls. And not in a good way. It seemed lately that the sleazy jerks who were only interested in her assets were coming out of the woodwork and she is so not here for it.

Don't get her wrong she's all for self-confidence and shooting your shot – but there is a line dammit! And these jerk bags keep crossing it.

Luckily for her, there is a group of girls taking up most of her bar section which kept those creeps away.

"Excuse me, sweetheart. Whenever you get a chance." A fine-looking bald man greets while she fills some orders. Something about him, maybe some of the leftover training from being surrounded by superheroes, catches her attention, him and that cute ass nerdy professor next to him. And this isn’t just attraction, she used to be surrounded by the best looking (super)people in the world she can see past hotness… when she feels like it.

Quickly finishing the latest order, she turns her attention to hot and hotter, "Hi. What can I get you?"

They step up to the bar as she leans on crossed arms, conveniently putting her hand near the nifty little taser Ex-Bossman made for his Double-D.

"Hi." The hotter of the equation, no offence baldy, greets, "We're with the FBI." He stutters sweetly.

Well shit! Hottie she could see as FBI if he was in one of those secret agent suits they all seem so fond of. But Hotter? No way, that man belongs in a university lecturing or maybe as a researcher for something, but FBI, damn. Luckily her time with superheroes has messed up her radar of what certain people should look like, so it doesn't surprise her for too long. Nerdy flips open his badge and Darcy leans closer to carefully examine it – Clint was a damn good teacher when he wasn't being a royal pain, and her time as a bartender has helped sharpen her eye for common mistakes on fake badges.

"We're looking for this man. Does he look at all familiar to you?" He says while sliding one of those shitty police sketches across the bar to her.

"Eh, it's not much of a picture."

Agent Nerdy reaches into his bag while responding, "I-I know. You know what might help, actually, is uhm." He has a pen in his hand now and holds up the sketch, "He has a scar, on his eye right" the pen punches through the paper, "about there."

"We also know that he's taken classes where he's learned how to distracccttt," he moves the pen through the paper like magic. It's pretty damn impressive, though some of that excitement is probably because, unless her little heart deceives her, Agent Nerdy is flirting. With her!

"and charm, his victim" he moves the pen through and then out of the paper while leaving it spotless.

Darcy can't help but laugh, he's cute, awkwardly charming, and can do magic tricks. He's the whole damn package.

"Okay, how'd you do that? I've got to know!" She smiles

"That's a that's privileged information," that shouldn't be as attractive as it is.

"Huh," the two smile at each other, "So, what do I do if I see him?"

"You should call us. A- Even if you just think you see him, you should definitely call us." This man, stuttering and doing magic while hunting for a serial killer is beyond cute, beyond hot! This man is dreamy.

It's time to make her move, "And if I don't see him?" at his puzzled look she continues, "can I still call you?" Agent Nerdy gets a surprised look on his face before quickly morphing into a pleased one as he nods.

"Yeah. Yeah. You can call me. Yeah," Darcy knows she's not ugly, okay she knows that, really, most of the time. But this guy he's not staring at her tits or trying to get her into bed ASAP. He actually seems to care about the words leaving her mouth and the rest of her. She knows she's not as thin as other women, and even when she does the same workouts as some girls at the bar and eats the same food, she'll never be as thin as them, never shed her curves and belly and cellulite and all those other "undesirable" things. She knows that's not a bad thing, but it's nice for a random good looking guy to flirt with her because he's attracted to her and her brain (from what little he's seen of it)

"Okay, cool" He turns and begins walking away.

"Wait!" thank god he turns back around, "I don't have your number!"

"Oh, uh, It's behind your barrette." He gestures to where it would be on his own head. And lo and behold magic man actually put his card there, "Bye," and he walks over to Agent Baldy who claps him on the shoulder and herds him away. Darcy has a feeling from her days as a scientist wrangler that Agent Sexy Nerd needs to be herded like a cat more often than not. All those scientist types give off the same vibe – "Help! I'm smart but stupid and will die unless someone wrangles me to food and sleep!" and once again Darcy is helpless to ignore it, like her own personal brand of kryptonite. Though hopefully with him being in the FBI and everything he'll be more self-carey than her other scientists.

Darcy focused her attention back on the bar. She’ll have to call cutie later, maybe tomorrow. The rest of her shift passes slowly like all her energy is spent thinking about the FBI agent.

A warm cup of coffee and a muffin complete her morning routine, the morning sun shines through her living room window lightly warming her as she slowly wakes herself up. One good thing about being a bartender is no early mornings. And after her years with Jane, Darcy is well adjusted to late nights.

I wonder if Agent Nerdy drinks a lot of coffee, those nerdy types typically do… but nothing about Agent Magic seems ordinary, everything about him interests me even the basic things. Fuck. I’ve got it bad. For a guy I've barely met.

“I guess Janey is right” Darcy mimics Jane's voice, “Darcy, you’re such a romantic. You fall faster than I fell for Thor!”

She shakes her head and finishes the dregs of her sweet, sweet coffee, and hits play on her trusty iPod jamming along to her Immaculate Vibes playlist.

Spencer could not get the bartender out of his head. He was focused on the case of course, but every time he took a moment to fill his coffee or eat his mind returned to her big expressive eyes and her sweet smile. Luckily though his brain, as Penelope would say, has the processing speed of a million supercomputers so he could think about the bartender and the serial killer at the same time without his team noticing his slight distraction (hopefully).

They spend the rest of the day narrowing down the profile.

How the hell does this keeps happening is the first thought that crosses Darcy’s mind when she wakes up tied up in a stranger’s captivity. The night quickly returns to her, the creepy man, the girl she spilled her drink on to help, calling Agent Nerdy, or Dr. Spencer Reid, FBI, BAU as his magic card informed her.

Darcy takes a slow breath, calming her racing heart, and takes stock of herself, a headache, which is to be expected, her phone is nowhere to be found, the comfortable weight of her taser is missing from its place at her side, but her back up (See Jane, she did learn something from her many kidnappings!) is still in place strapped to her thigh, and her uber tiny knife from Natasha is still hidden as a necklace. It will never not be cool that the Black Widow gave her a knife necklace! (and not that Natasha will ever find out but Darcy calls it her Widow Blade cause how fucking cool is that!?) Jewelry that can kill a man, every woman’s dream! Duct tape is tight around her wrists but unlike that one time, in Utah of all places, her hands are tied in front of her, not behind her back. So overall, not bad all things considered.

The room is clearly not a hotel room, judging by the family pictures decorating the walls and the frankly hideous throw blanket on the lumpy couch. Okay, that’s better luck than she normally has, if this is the mega creep’s house and the BAU are on his tail and Spencer knows she’s in danger because of her interrupted call to him, then they’ll know she’s with the wacko and will be able to narrow down where she’s being held. So, unlike those times in Utah and France (and Sweden, and Ireland, and Brazil) people actually know she’s missing! Her luck is strangely not terrible, which considering her track record is high praise.

Just like Agent Arms, aka Clint “Human Disaster” Barton, taught her she makes sure she’s alone before quietly working on the bindings. Lucky, it’s only duct tape and it’s only around her wrists, she’s not tied to anything, and she’s alone. This guy might be a crazy serial killer but he’s definitely not the brightest.

Thank god all her accessories are weapons of some kind or another, thanks, Avengers! Slowly Darcy reaches up, and tugs on the Widow Blade.

Snap

The Widow Blade detaches from the chain around her neck. Carefully Darcy maneuvers the blade and starts sawing at her bindings. The blade cuts through the tape like a knife through hard butter.

Creak.

The sound of footsteps. Darcy quickly freezes, doing her best to look disorientated and still recovering from the punch from earlier.

“You made a mess, and now you’re gonna clean it up,” Wacko says from behind her.

Darcy flinches as though surprised by his sudden appearance, doubling over as though shielding herself from him. While moving, she twists her hand and manages to get a hold of her taser.

Creak.

He moves closer, finally entering her line of sight. He looks like the kind of mega creep that would kidnap and kill women, and the shitty police sketch Agent Hottie showed her actually isn’t far off from what he really looks like – so the not-so-shitty police sketch. Darcy mentally shakes her head clearing her mind of all distractions. She only has one chance to get him, and she can’t afford to mess it up, her life quite literally depends on that.

“I’ll do whatever you want. Please just let me go.” Never let it be said Darcy is above begging for her life to distract a psycho and buy time.

“The help doesn’t speak!” In his rage, he begins pacing, the knife in his hand gleaming in the dim light. The help? Seriously dude! No need to be rude. Darcy slowly straightens up clearing her mind from her running commentary, positioning herself as best she can while concealing the taser.

She makes eye contact and nods vigorously.

“Good. You can be taught. Now,” He turns away.

Darcy doesn’t give him a moment she fully straightens out, aims, and shoots.

Two prongs shoot out of the black device and hit the man in the centre of his back. With a clang the knife he was holding hits the floor, the man joining it a moment later. Ha! That should teach him a lesson on being a mega dick.

As soon as he goes down, Darcy leaps up and rushes to his side. He convulses as the electricity courses through his body. Her eyes dart around the room, she needs something to hold him before she does anything else. Bleach, garbage bags and duct tape. Luck is on her side tonight!

She snatches up the knife, and with her free hand grabs the tape. Slowly the convulsions stop but Double D is ready, duct tape in hand she wrangles his limp limbs into place and tightly ties his arms and legs together in a hogtie, Bird brain really did teach her a surprisingly useful variety of skills. Once wacko is secured Darcy quickly searches his prone body, other than the knife he dropped he’s unarmed and has no phone.

Knife in hand she rises once again, now taking the time to look around, hoping her luck lasts and she can find a phone. While she wants to find a way out of here, she has no idea where this house is located and getting lost in the woods sounds about as fun as Steve’s “Cold Cure” which really has all the makings of a 1940’s cold cure… to this day Darcy doesn’t know what’s in it and she’s perfectly okay living in ignorance.

“Let’s see…” she mumbles to herself, carefully moving around the living room. Her eyes scan the room searching for a phone or something else that will be useful, “Okay, no phone,” The brunette moves through the only doorway into the kitchen. This room also lacks a phone, “Shit I bet wacko got rid of all phones while I was out. Fuck, okay it’s okay. I’m Darcy Lewis and can do this! I’ve got this.” Darcy takes a deep breath and knife held at the ready walks carefully through the doorway on her left, “Oh thank god!” it’s not a phone, but since wacko seems to have gotten rid of all electronics, it’ll have to do. Darcy isn’t looking forward to whatever lays outside that door, but it’s all she’s got. And never let it be said that Darcy Lewis doesn’t take chances!

Quickly summoning her courage, she slides open the chain lock, turns the deadbolt, and opens the solid wooden door.

It’s night but she can see dim lights.

She’s free.

The rush to get to the (cute) bartender is like a blur, he knows exactly what happened, but it’s like his mind can’t focus itself on the past 15 minutes. The mad drive to the bar, the sinking feeling in his gut when he realized the unsub had her, the bartender. No, not the bartender, Darcy. The team narrowing in on the unsub, Garcia getting his address, planning their infiltration, which luckily was Morgan and Hotch’s domain so Spencer had very little to do with that, god knows he wouldn’t be much use in this panicked state.

They’re gathered outside the unsub, Robert C. Parker’s house. The atmosphere is tense, they know he has a hostage and his mother might also be home and become another possible hostage or collateral if he doesn’t come quietly. They’ve planned for that and are ready to enter the house with SWAT, when through the curtains they can see the silhouette of someone come into view, pause, walk for a moment, then suddenly drop to the floor.

The assembled FBI, SWAT and police hush, all straining to see what happens next. Then another figure, shorter than the first, gets up, walks quickly to the left before once again disappearing from view.

“Did Darcy manage to do something to Parker?” Morgan quickly asks the team, “The height difference would match.” He adds.

“It looks like he went down hard, she might have gotten free?” Emily suggests.

“Wait, look!” JJ whisper-shouts, drawing the team and SWAT’s attention to the silhouetted figure in the window once again rising and walking slowly around the room.

“Okay, we don’t know what’s going on in there, we need to reconsider our plan,” Hotch instructs, “Let's do a soft entry and be aware, if the victim is free that she may attack us out in fear, and we don’t know if Parker is still in play.” With quick nods of agreement, they move towards the door.

The first SWAT officer is only 3 feet from the door when it slowly opens. Instantly everyone’s guns and flashlights raise and point to the figure in the doorway.

The shadows disappear to their flashlights and the short brunette is revealed.

“Wait! Don’t shoot! My name is Darcy Lewis and I was kidnapped!” She shouts out, “I have a knife in my hand that I took from the wacko,” She informs them, “I’m going to put it down and then get the hell away from this house.”

“Okay Ms. Lewis,” Hotch okay’s her and makes his way to the front door. She deliberately puts the knife on the porch in front of her and then quickly runs down the steps. Spencer feels as if his strings have been cut, nearly sagging with relief, luckily everyone else is focused on Darcy Lewis and misses his moment. With a deep breath, Spencer focuses on Prentiss and JJ who quickly make their way to Darcy.

The two female agents quickly herd Darcy towards the waiting ambulance.

“Ms. Lewis, are you okay?” Emily asks when they get her seated on the back of the bus.

“Yeah, I tasered his ass before he could do anything, the worst damage I’ve got is rug burn on my knees and some raw skin from the duct tape.”

She appears surprisingly flippant about the whole affair, but she’s still obviously shaken.

“Heart rate’s elevated, but considering adrenalin that’s not surprising.” One of the paramedics tells the other.

“Pupil dilation is normal, Ma’am were you hurt in any way?” The Asian medic, Han judging by his name tag, asks after checking her eyes.

“Uh, he punched me, which knocked me out, I can’t tell how long I was out. He duct-taped my wrists and I was kneeling on the carpet floor. He didn’t do anything while I was awake, but I don’t know about when I was unconscious.”

“Okay, can you tell me your name, where we are, and the year?” The black woman who was previously getting her blood pressure and heart rate asks, coming around to face her, her name tag reads Wilson.

“Yeah, my name’s Darcy Lewis, we’re in Atlanta, and it’s 2008.”

“Good, no signs of head trauma.”

“Okay, Darcy, we’re going to transport you to the hospital. Okay?”

“Yeah. Shit, today sucks.” The two paramedics laugh lightly. Han gently has her stand and get into the ambulance properly.

“Let’s move Diaz!” He instructs loud enough for the driver to hear.

“Reid” He answers the phone stepping to the side of the conference room.

“Hi, it’s Darcy, I am kind of wondering if you’re team needs to interview me or anything? I just got a clean bill of health from the doctor.”

“Darcy, I’m glad to hear you’re okay.” Spencer knows the relief in his voice is as clear as day but can’t find it in himself to care, “Give me a second, I’ll see what my boss wants to do.” He quickly makes his way back to where the rest of his team are sitting.

“Hotch, Darcy’s calling, she wants to know if we want to interview her.”

“Yes, I think it would be good to interview her, Strauss says we can leave tomorrow, so let's talk with Darcy tonight.”

“Okay,” Reid raises his phone, “Darcy, are you still at the hospital?”

“No, I headed home, is that okay?”

“That’s not a problem, do you feel up to driving to the station?”

“Yeah, can you send me the address?”

“On its way to you now.”

“Perfect, thanks! I should be there in… 20 minutes according to my GPS.”

“Okay, see you then Darcy.”

“By Doc!” Click.

“Pretty Boy, is there something going on with Ms. Lewis?”

“What? No! We’re on a case, Morgan!”

“I know, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want something to happen.” The older agent waggles his eyebrow suggestively.

“It’s nothing!”

“Mmkay, but remember kid, we’re not going to be on the case forever.”

“Shut up,” Reid grumbles, all too aware of the fact.

“Okay everyone, before we interview Ms. Lewis I want to get some background on her, not many people, let alone unprepared bartenders, are able to incapacitate an unsub and tie him up like that.” Hotch draws their attention back to the job.

“When she was getting checked out by the EMT’s I noticed that she was fairly calm, noticed the same thing when she was at the door,” Prentiss mentions.

“Yeah, one of them said her heartbeat was elevated but other than that she had very little external reaction to what happened to her.” JJ agrees.

“Shock?” Reid suggests

“But remember what she said at the door? She immediately announced herself, told us she had a weapon, and slowly put it on the ground,” counters Morgan, checking them off on his fingers, “That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.”

“Most civilians don’t know that, or can be calm enough to remember them after being abducted by a serial killer.” Agrees Rossi.

“Let me get Garcia on it, we need to know more about her background,” Hotch adds in, texting the blonde to come to the conference room

“Greetings from the oracle of knowledge!” she exclaims entering the room.

“Garcia, we’re interviewing Robert Parker’s last victim, Darcy Lewis, and need some background information on her.” She nods, placing her laptop on the table and typing away.

“Darcy Lewis… Okay, there are two in Atlanta, a retired teacher, 55, or a high school senior, 16?”

“Neither, she’s mid to late 20’s bartender.” Reid adds, “I have her phone number if that helps?”

“Oh, yes please good doctor!” the aforementioned doctor quickly recites a phone number.

“Hm, that’s strange… the area code is from New York, and it’s listed under Stark Industries.”

“Well, she might just be new to Atlanta and kept her work phone after quitting.” JJ slows the team’s racing thoughts.

“Okay, Garcia see if you can find any Darcy Lewis that worked for Stark Industries, open up the search nationwide,” Rossi instructs

The clacking of the keyboard fills the silence for a long moment.

“Kay, I have a Darcy Lewis, but something’s off she shows up as a SI employee… and I have records of her employment, her address, her taxes, the normal stuff.”

“So, what’s wrong with it? Do the ages not match again? Why is she not the Darcy we’re looking for?”

“I don’t know sir, I’ve looked at a lot of personal information and something about it isn’t adding up. It says she went to Culver University, got her degree in political science, and ended up getting a job with Stark after she took an internship with one of their remote facilities in order to fulfill the science credit requirement… Then she worked as a personal assistant for some scientist, then she quit last year… the records indicate a change in name and address, but the records with that information seem to be lost in the system… I can’t find them.”

“Okay, don’t worry Garcia, sometimes records get mixed up and lost and stuff, we’ll talk with Ms. Lewis and see what we come up with.”

“She’s here,” Reid announces.

“Okay, Garcia, don’t dig anymore, we might be looking into a comply unrelated person and we don’t need Stark Industries or the brass coming down on us,” Rossi instructs.

“Okay, I’ll be waiting and ready if you have anything else for me!” She smiles at the agents, taking a sip of a coffee cup.

“Rossi and I are going to interview her. There’s something not quite right here. I want you all listening and fact-checking with Garcia as needed,” Hotch instructs, “How do you want to do this Dave?”

“Let's take her into a private meeting room, and have the team watch in. Just because she’s suspicious doesn’t mean she’s done anything wrong.”

“Agreed.” The senior agents make their way to the meeting room to prepare. They have a third chair brought in for Ms. Lewis, the evidence box that contains things found at the scene, a carafe of coffee, sugar and creamer, and a bottle of water.

A knock on the door alerts the two, “Come in.”

“Darcy Lewis, these are agents Rossi and Hotchner, they’ll be conducting your interview.” Spencer introduces the short brunette.

“Thanks, Dr. Reid.” She smiles at the man before making her way into the room and closing the door behind herself.

“Hi, uh, as Dr. Reid said I’m Darcy Lewis.”

“Agent Rossi, good to meet you.”

“Agent Hotchner.” They shake hands and take their seats, “Would you like anything to drink, coffee, tea, water?”

“Sure,” She smiles lightly, “A coffee would be great, two sugar, two creams please.”

A moment of silence as Hotch prepares her drink, “Thanks.” She takes a sip, places the drink down and looks at the two men.

“So, what do you need to know?”

“We just want to go over what you remember, just walk us through the events as you remember them. With you’re permission we’re going to tape this for use during prosecution.”

“Okay, yeah you can tape this,” She takes a shaky breath, Hotch turns on the recording device.

“November 30^th, 2008. Supervisory Special Agent Hotchner and Supervisory Special Agent Rossi victim interview of Darcy Lewis. Please state your name for the record.”

“Darcy Lewis. Also known as Darcy Maxwell.”

“Okay Ms. Lewis, we’re going to walk through the events of last night.”

“Okay, call me Darcy please,” She pauses summoning her courage, and begins, “I was working the bar, gave a girl her last drink before I was going to cut her off, and a man and woman come up to my section. I recognized wacko from the sketch Dr. Reid showed me the other day. I think I heard him ask if the woman wanted to go somewhere, it was kinda hard to hear him though… I uh spilled a drink on her dress, told her I had something to make sure it didn’t stain. Then I brought her to the back room. I stepped outside to call Dr. Reid. Then he was right in front of me. I saw his fist coming towards me but I was too slow to react.”

“That was smart thinking to get the woman away from him,” Rossi compliments, allowing Darcy a moment to breath.

“Thanks, it was the first thing I thought of. She’s okay, the woman?”

“Local officers tracked her down for a statement, she’s okay, and sends her thanks.”

“Good, I’m glad she’s okay.”

“Okay, let’s get back into it. Did you wake up while he was transporting you?” Hotch redirects after Darcy takes a sip of her coffee.

“No, I woke up in his house. I was alone. My wrists were duct-taped in front of me.” Darcy demonstrates how her hands were taped.

“Were you bound anywhere else?” Hotch prompts

“No, only my wrists. Since I was alone I grabbed the knife attached to my necklace.”

“You had a knife attached to your necklace?” Rossi asks.

“Uh yeah, it was a gift from a friend, it’s dangerous to be a woman.” She explains, but both Rossi and Hotch catch her lie but decide to leave it for now.

“Okay, so you used the knife?”

“Yeah, it’s a small blade thing, you probably found it at the scene, I think I dropped it in the living room.”

“I’ll check the evidence later to make sure we got it,” Hotch assures her.

“I uh sawed at the tape, which was kinda awkward with the angle, but I managed to saw completely through it. I heard his footsteps behind me so I froze. He said something about a mess and that I’m gonna clean it up. I pretended to flinch and doubled over so I was like protecting myself from him cause my backup taser was strapped to my thigh. So, I grabbed it. He moved so he was facing me. I wanted to buy time so I said I would do whatever he wanted, begged him to let me go. He yelled at me for that, called me the Help, said the Help doesn’t speak and started pacing. So, I straightened up so I could tase his ass. Made sure sparky was hidden. I nodded as soon as he looked at me. He said I could be taught… then he turned away. And I tased his creepy ass.” She smiles lightly at the last bit, transforming her face away from the terrifying kind of focused that masked her brightness while she spoke.

“You said it was your backup taser?”

“Yeah, I have two, one I keep at my waist, the other is in a thigh holster.”

“Why do you have two tasers and a knife necklace? I can understand one but two?” Rossi asks.

“My- I have a bad habit of getting into bad situations,” She stutters, “I used to only carry one taser, then I was, uh, mugged, and one guy grabbed my taser before I could use it. So then uh, I got a second taser and a friend gave me the knife.”

“Okay, let’s refocus. You tased him, then what happened.”

“I got up, grabbed the knife he dropped. And waited for him to stop shaking.”

“Was that the knife you had when you came outside?” Hotch asks.

“Yeah, I took it with me,” She pauses, “So I grabbed the knife and when he stopped shaking used the duct tape he had in the living room to tie his arms and legs in a hogtie. Then I started looking for a phone or a way out. He didn’t have his phone or my own on him, and there was no landline that I could find. I looked in the living room, then the kitchen, then I found the front entrance and went outside.”

“You announced yourself well.”

“Yeah, when I opened the door and stepped outside I saw- a bunch of flashlights raised so I kinda guessed it was the cops, I was kinda blinded by all the light so I just shouted to make sure no one shot me.”

“Still, I’m impressed, I’ve worked for the FBI for a long time, no victim has ever announced themselves so well.” Rossi pushes subtlety.

“Thanks, I- oh. Wait. You’re suspicious, aren’t you?” She quickly puts together the questions.

“Why would we be suspicious?” Rossi asks.

“The knife necklace, the tasers, announcing myself. Not normal things for a bartender to do.”

“Admittedly they are not common.” Hotch agrees.

“You’re not going to accept my answers, are you?”

“No, Ms. Lewis, we don’t want to accuse you of anything, but we want Robert Parker to go away for a long time, and in order for that to happen we can’t have any holes in your story.”

“Shit. Okay, uh, listen I need to make a call… You’re with the BAU right?”

“Yes, The Behavioural Analysis Unit, Team 1.”

“Okay, I’m sorry, could I have somewhere private to make this call? Where there’s no recording devices?” She looks pointedly at the running recorder.

“We can leave you in the office and take the recorder with us.” Rossi offers.

“Thank you.” The three stand, the two agents make their way out of the room, and Darcy closes it behind them.

“Shit,” She mumbles to herself, pacing the room, “Okay…” She takes a deep breath and pulls her phone out of her pocket. Darcy quickly swipes through her contacts before landing on the one she needs. She continues to pace as the phone rings.

“Hello?” the familiar voice greets her.

“Hey Tony, it’s Darcy.”

“Double D! What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“I’m doing great! Got kidnapped by a serial killer, escaped, and now the FBI’s questioning me because my story doesn’t add up!”

“You got what!?!”

“Kidnapped by a serial killer. Yeah.”

“Are you okay? I can be there in an hour.”

“I’m not hurt, the worst damage is sore wrists from duct tape. I tased his ass before he could do anything. Thanks by the way for Sparky the Second.”

“Okay, okay, okay. What do you need? You said the FBI doesn’t believe you?”

“Yeah, the Behavioural Analysis Unit from the FBI is here, they want to make sure they have a slam dunk conviction on the wacko.”

“Which is why they need to know why you’re story doesn’t add up.”

“Yeah… I can't be the reason he gets off. I can’t- Tony, I need him to go away for life.”

“Okay. You said the BAU right?” Darcy could hear background murmurs from his line.

“Yeah, team one I think?”

“With Unit Chief Hotchner, Agents Rossi, Morgan, Prentiss, Jareau, Doctor Reid and Technical Analyst Garcia?”

“Yup, that’s them.”

“Okay, good news is they have pretty high security clearances… No red flags… nothing to show they’re dirty… Okay, we have two choices: One you can say the reason you’re story doesn’t add up is classified and they’ll get an official note that you cannot talk about it and a similar notice will go to the local cops, the prosecutor, and so on.”

“Okay, what’s the other option?”

“I send them a big stack of NDA’s, and read them into parts of the story.”

“Wha- Why can we read them in?”

“The team is really good. Like revolutionized profiling, hostage negotiation, victim interviews, and a ton of other things. Basically, they’re a very helpful group of people to be able to call on, and if we read them in now, we can make use of their skills in the future without wasting time reading them in.”

“I like the sound of that tin can, but they’ll know why we’re choosing to read them in right?”

“For sure, I’ll make sure the NDA is clear about our motives in reading them in and that we’ll make sure their higher-ups can’t put them in a difficult situation.”

“Shit, am I really doing this? Is this crazy?”

“Of course it’s crazy Double D, it’s us!”

“Okay, okay, how do we do this?”

“First gather the team, and go somewhere private. I’ll send the NDA’s to them directly so they know it's real. Then I’ll make sure the room is not monitored in any way, I’ll send you an overview of what you can tell them.”

“So the explanation is all on me?”

“Yup!”

“Sweet! I’ve always wanted to be part of the Big Reveal!”

“Get moving! I’ll do everything on my side, just text me when you’re ready!”

“On it Ex-Bossman.” She hangs up.

Darcy takes a deep breath, stretches, and smiles lightly to herself, “The Big Reveal!” She whisper-shouts to herself.

Composing herself she grabs her coffee and makes her way out of the room. The hustle and bustle of a busy precinct greets her, her eyes scan the area looking for the suits she needs to talk to. There! Across the bullpen, is a conference room with its window’s open showing the 6 agents she’s familiar with and a brightly dressed blonde woman.

Darcy moves slowly through the chaos, taking her time to ensure she doesn’t spill her coffee or end up knocked on her ass.

“Ms. Lewis,” The blonde agent who took her to the ambulance last night greets.

“Hi, so I called uh- someone and they got approval to tell you some things. But we need to go somewhere private, where no one will be listening in.” She can see some of the agents exchange looks. God! What if they think I’ve gone off the deep end!? “Listen, I know I must sound kind of crazy but I swear it’ll make sense! We just need to be somewhere private.”

“We’ll hear you out.” Agent Hotchner agrees, “We can close the blinds in the conference room.”

“Sweet.” Darcy agrees pulling out her phone and quickly typing.

“Okay, so you should be receiving some NDAs.”

“How-“ Agent baldy is cut off when the laptop sitting on the table dings.

“Oh!” The blonde in the patterned dress exclaims taking a seat in front of the laptop, “I’ve got 7 NDAs… from the Director!”

“Dope! You got them.” Darcy smiles, “If you could print them out- sorry I never got your name.” She trails off looking at the blonde.

“Penelope Garcia, the hunk next to me is Derek Morgan,” she points at baldy

“And, let’s see if I got this right… the one who looks like an agent out of a TV show is Hotchner, the guy who’s giving off rich Italian guy vibes is Rossi, Tall Dorky and Handsom is Doctor Reid… hm, I know I met you two, but considering last night, I don’t actually remember your names.” She smiles bashfully at the two female agents.

“Agent Prentiss,” The brunette introduces shaking her hand.

“Agent Jareau, I’m the team’s press liaison.”

“Cool, nice to meet you, Darcy Lewis as I’m sure you know.” She smiles.

“The NDAs have printed!” Garcia tells them, refocusing them on the matter at hand.

“Right, okay! So read through them, and read carefully, this is a big deal so if you don’t want to know, then just say so. These are the sort of secrets that are secrets for a reason. If you have any doubt you can keep quiet then don’t sign, or you’ll end up disappeared into a deep dark hole for the rest of your life.”

“We do know what confidential means Ms. Lewis,” Baldy says.

“I’m sure you do. But this is a different level. Trust me, I’m sure you know all sorts of things I should never know but this- this is a league of its own.”

“Anything in these you want to point out?” the handsome doctor asks, eyes moving over the NDA in hyper speed.

“Yeah, it should say something about being asked to do profiles for future events. And I can't stress this enough, you can’t say a word, you can’t hint at it, you can’t slip up, nothing.” Darcy takes a moment to look at the assembled people. Morgan’s jaw is clenched and overall tense. Jareau looks nervous but determined. Prentiss is looking resolutely at the NDA. Garcia is the most outwardly nervous, eyes darting between Darcy and the stack of paper. Hotch and Rossi both have stoic expressions, not letting anything through. Reid has finished reading and is now looking straight back at Darcy (it would be hot if the situation wasn’t so serious.)

“Listen, I’ll try to answer any reservations you have before signing. But unless you sign I can’t say much.”

“If we don’t sign what happens with the case, any defence attorney with a brain will see the holes in you’re story, and will use it to Parker’s benefit.”

“Everyone involved, the FBI, the police, the prosecutor, the defence, and the judge will receive letters that explicitly state that I cannot reveal why I acted the way I did, that I cannot explain why I had the weapons on me. Nothing. They will be instructed to disregard any mention of my behaviour. That if I testify I cannot be compelled to answer any questions I believe could compromise the information.” Darcy explains, reading off points from her phone. Thank god Tin Man (or the infinitely better JARVIS) is listening in on the conversation and sending her relevant information.

“Who’s sending this letter? And do they have the power to promise that?”

“Trust me they’ll have more than enough power.” Her phone flashes, “Ah, perfect looks like it will be coming from the Sec- Woah! The Secretary of Defence.”

“The-!”

“Yeah, holy shit. J works fast!” Her phone flashes again,

OF COURSE, HE DOES. HE’S MINE. BUT TO BE CLEAR DOUBLE D THIS IS ALL ME.

She smothers a smile and looks back up, “I am sure that you signing or not signing will have no impact on the case. This is completely a personal choice.”

The silence stretches long, while the rest of them read over the papers, then slowly start pointing things out to each other and discussing things. Darcy relaxes into the silence, normally she’s not the biggest on quiet but it’s giving her time to prepare her speech and read over the points Tony sends her, plus the coffee isn’t as bad as some of the dregs she’s had in Janey’s lab (Puente Antiguo really did not have great coffee choices.)

“You weren’t kidding about a deep dark hole,” Rossi says when their discussions peter off.

“Nope!”

“This seems like it’ll be crazy,” Prentiss adds.

“Way more than you can dream of!”

“Can someone pass a pen?” Reid simply asks, smiling in thanks when Garcia hands him a purple pen with a fuzzy pink ball at the top. Slowly each of them sign.

“Pass them back please,” Darcy requests collecting the mountain of paper in front of her. Examining the signatures.

“Okay. Looks like we’re good!” She places her phone face up in the middle of the table.

“J, Activate Mega Secure Privacy Protocol.”

“Activating. All electronics have been shut down and all passive communication and transmissions have been halted.” JARVIS’s voice sounds from her phone speakers.

“What? The hell was that?” Morgan asks, checking to see his phone is not turning on, “How!”

“Agent Morgan this is JARVIS, Mr. Stark’s personal assistant. On second thought J, I think I’ll need some visuals,” Darcy smiles lightly.

“Mr. Stark!? What?” Garcia exclaims.

“Pleasure to meet you all. I will be assisting Ms. Lewis with her explanation. Of course Ms. Lewis, the television display is on. I will follow with images as needed.”

“Okay, focus, please. You’re in for a bumpy ride, if that’s you’re reaction to everything.” She smiles once again, it really is fun to be on this side of The Big Reveal.

“You all know superheroes exist. That is not a question. You’ve seen the news, know some of the story. But what you don’t know is how powerful they are, where they are really from, and what that means for Earth. So, I’m going to start at the beginning,” Darcy takes a deep breath, and stands, really getting into Presenter Mode, “I was a political science student at Culver university, I was ready to graduate but I needed six science credits so I applied to intern for some astrophysicists. Dr. Jane Foster accepted my application and the two of us and Dr. Erik Selvig went to New Mexico to look at anomalies she thought were connected to her theory.” JARVIS puts up images of Jane and Erik on the screen.

“Dr. Foster the Nobel?”

“Yes, but this is before any of her theories were proven correct, she was seen as a quack.” Darcy continues explaining her first meeting with Thor, his true origins, the Destroyer, Loki, and brings them up to the Battle of New York.

“Jane and I were invited to an isolated research post right before the Battle of New York. We saw it on the news just like everyone else. We managed to get Stark to bring us back to New York four days later. Jane got her big reunion with Thor, he called me his Lightning Sister and nearly squashed me in a hug and I got to meet the rest of the Avengers.”

“Lightning Sister?” Jareau asks looking like she’s in shock

“Yeah, I tased him when he was mortal, knocked his ass out. Since I used part of his domain against him he considers me his Lightning Sister. Which might be my greatest accomplishment in life.” She smiles.

Darcy refills her coffee allowing them to take a moment to think.

“So the Battle finished, Thor had to return to Asguard with Loki, so Jane and I are thinking we’re going to leave and continue her research. But then Tony Stark offers us both a job, with so much funding that we couldn’t say no. Since Stark and the Avengers need to know as much as they can about what Loki did, they can basically funnel unlimited money into astrophysics. So, we hang around New York, get as much information from the wormhole as possible. Now, remember I’m Jane’s assistant but I’m not a scientist, so I ended up having a lot of free time now that Jane was surrounded by people who actually understand what she’s talking about. So, I have a lot of free time and for months the area around the tower isn’t safe so I’m largely stuck in there. So, I end up spending a lot of time hanging out with superheroes.”

“That is so cool,” Garcia whispers to herself.

“Right! It’s super cool! Now Rossi and Hotchner, you remember how I said my knife necklace I used to get out of the duct tape around my wrists was a gift?”

“Yes,” Rossi replies.

“That’s not necessarily a lie… The Black Widow is a friend.” J helpfully pulls up a picture of Natasha from the Battle, mid-attack on an alien.

“The- The Black Widow!”

“Yup! She’s so cool, she taught me some self-defence with a knife and then gave this to me.”

“Oh my god.” Prentiss murmurs

“Right so I’m at the tower for a couple months, and at this point, I’m pretty close with everyone, cause the tower is their HQ. Eventually, Janey and I leave, you know, start travelling around, and just living normally-ish again, and that’s when shit gets kinda difficult for us. Like now we had a rep and funding so we could do a lot more, but cause Jane’s rep came from her proving the Einstein-Rosen Bridge theory and she like pretty publicly kissed Thor, well… We started getting kidnapped. Like a lot! Anyone who paid enough attention to the Avengers would notice our connection to them, and unlike everyone else, we had no powers or serious training. So as the weak links,” She spits the word, clearly quoting someone, “We were taken for Janey’s brain, our relationship with Thor, the other Avengers, Stark, and so on. Eventually, Jane got harder to kidnap so then I got kidnapped.”

“Which explains why you were so calm.” Hotchner puts it together.

“Calm? I was calm? I was pretty freaked out!”

“You were, but you also acted rationally,” He counters.

“Yeah well, he didn’t exactly do a good job! He barely restrained me, didn’t check me for weapons, and was alone! He was practically asking me to escape!” Morgan, Prentiss and Jareau laugh lightly at her indigitation.

“So, I was talking to Tony and he said since you are all such good profilers,”

AND PENELOPE GARCIA = LEGEND. WANTED TO RECRUIT – FBI BEAT ME TO IT.

“And Tony says Penelope Garcia is a Legend, and he wanted to recruit her, but the Feebs beat him to it.”

“Oh my god! Really? Dr. Tony Start said that about me?” The blonde demands excitedly.

“J put it on the screen please.” Darcy requests as her answer and the message from the Tin Man appears.

“This is so cool!” She mutters to herself bouncing in her seat.

“Anywho! Basically, since you are like super awesome profilers with pretty high security clearances anyways the Avengers decided it was better to read you in now so if shit goes down they can call on you for help.”

“Help to profile supervillains?” Morgan questions.

“Pretty much, I mean you guys have the freedom to say no, but if we knew what they were thinking, their next moves, that sort of thing, it could do a lot of good.”

The group sits in silence as the profilers think about what Darcy and the Avengers want from them.

“We have no profile to base it on,” Rossi says, “We can't guarantee we will be right. We’ll develop them as we go on, but we get things wrong.”

“Yeah.” She peeks at her phone, “Tony says he’ll give you limited access to the current information about who we’ve faced so far. Give you a chance to start somewhere, plus, a lot of who we’re facing are aliens so the culture and stuff are completely different. So I figure that would change the profile right?”

“It would.” Prentiss sounds somewhat impressed.

“Thought so. And uh, even if you guys get things wrong it will give the team something to work with, and over time you’ll be able to you know get better, that sort of thing. Which is one of the reasons we’re reading you in now, to give you some time before the next big bad appears to get familiar with stuff.” She explains.

“Yeah, okay. I’m in.” Hotchner agrees after a moment of thinking.

“I think I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t at least try,” Reid adds.

“We will still be able to do our normal jobs though right?” JJ ensures.

“Yeah, this is kinda like a side project I think. Unless something is going down then you’d just carry on as normal with some access to our info. As long as you keep quiet you can stop at any point, change jobs, live life, whatever, but you will be monitored for the rest of your lives…” She warns, trying to both comfort them of their freedom while making sure they get that they will never be able to reveal anything.

“Yeah. We got a lot of things to take with us to our graves.” Rossi says with a glance at Prentiss.

They chat for a little longer, going over some details, getting an idea of when they can access the info and anything else they need to know. Darcy invites them to her apartment to eat and go over some questions they’ll think of in the time before supper.

“Darc- Ms. Lewis.” Reid catches her attention as she leaves the station.

“Yeah, TDH?” She says before realizing what she said and blushing bright red.

“I was- You have my number.” He says, “Call it?”

“I will.” She smiles brightly, “I’ll definitely be doing that Dr. Reid.”

“Spencer. Call me Spencer.”

“Call me Darcy, cutie.” This definitely won't be the last time she sees the attractive genius magician and she’s pretty excited to see where it goes.