Work Text:
“Shi Fen?”
Hearing his name being called, the name owner perked up, dark eyes meeting with bright, brown ones. The person before him had his mouth gaping open in surprise, brows furrowing in worry, as if he had just found a shivering kitten on his doorstep. Well, sure, Shi Fen is cold; shuddering under the skin-prickling rain in front of his high school best friend’s house, but obviously, he’s not a kitten.
Shi Fen unclenches his quivering teeth, “Hey, what’s up,” he pauses to swallow, feeling cold water run down his back, “Kai Xin.” His mouth tasted bitter-sweet after calling out that name.
Kai Xin seems like he’s struggling to find the right words, watching how Shi Fen completely changed from his former high school self. He’s always had dead, dark eyes with visible eyebags and a skinny body, but now, he looks altogether... miserable. Kai Xin hated to admit it; especially remembering how he and Shi Fen went way back even before they both learned to write, but he really does look sad now.
Shi Fen is in nothing but a drenched hoodie and a pair of black shorts, both matted to his skin due to the heavy rain. His hair too, is matted to his scalp and the sides of his face, unruly and longer than when Kai Xin last saw him. His whole body was thin, pale skin visibly turning blue, especially on his fingertips and lips. Seeing this, Kai Xin snaps out of his shock and starts to talk.
“You— how did you—" Kai Xin shakes his head, then pulls Shi Fen by the wrist gently. “Never mind that, let’s just go in first.”
Surprisingly docile, Shi Fen nods and welcomes the slight tugging on his wrist by his athlete friend as his eyes fell to the ground, not bothering to say another word. As he enters the house, he left wet footprints on the floor, but he’s too fatigued to care. The warmth from Kai Xin’s hand is too good for him to bother about wet floors.
They arrive in the living room shortly after walking through a long corridor, welcomed by a long couch and a few smaller couches arranged neatly around the big TV on the wall. The room is surprisingly nice and cozy for someone like Kai Xin to be living in, especially knowing how unruly the kid was in high school. But then again, it’s been a few years since they both talked to each other, so it might be possible that Kai Xin has changed since then.
Kai Xin leads Shi Fen to the couch and pushed his shoulder ever so gently to let him know that it’s fine for him to sit down, so he does. In the first time after meeting each other in front of the house, Shi Fen finally looks up again.
“Kai Xin—”
“Wait here.” Kai Xin cuts him off, striding off to somewhere and immediately got back to the living room with towels in his hands.
He hands the towels to Shi Fen and he accepts the warm fabric gladly, rubbing on his hair and neck while warming himself with the freshly dried towel. They both sit in silence as Shi Fen dries himself off, the only sound accompanying them being the rustling sounds from the wet towel.
The silence stretched far enough until finally, “Where have you been?”
The question from Kai Xin causes Shi Fen to flinch, his hands which were working on drying himself coming to a halt. He wraps the towel around himself as he tries his best to curl his lips into a smile.
“It’s been a while, huh,” Shi Fen purses his lips before continuing to talk, “How are you?” He evades Kai Xin’s question with another question, innocently smiling at Kai Xin.
There’s no way Shi Fen could answer Kai Xin’s question about his whereabouts for the last three years after graduating high school, the reason being how incredibly embarrassing it has been. He could be shameless as a teenager—being the laughingstock of the whole school— but now that he’s an adult, he gained a somewhat normal sense of humiliation. It’s a character development for him; not the character development he wanted but it surely is what he needed.
After graduating high school, something happened between them; something that the both of them could never forget, even after all those years of separation.
Kai Xin furrows his eyebrows at the question-evasion. He sits beside Shi Fen, his body radiating warmth next to Shi Fen’s freezing one. Presumably displeased, Kai Xin sighs, putting another towel over Shi Fen’s half dry hair and ruffles the towel roughly.
“Whatever you were doing for the last three years, keep it to yourself,” Kai Xin says, “but at least tell me why you showed up suddenly in front of my doorstep.”
Shameless. Shi Fen showed up to Kai Xin house after all those years because he’s shameless.
With a smirk, Shi Fen answers, “No, it’s okay, I’ll tell you. I have no home, you’re the only person I had in mind, so,” as if their conversation was a casual, light conversation, he chuckles, “here I am.”
Kai Xin carefully listens, eyes intently set on Shi Fen’s.
“I dropped out of college, stumbling on the streets, and I’m too prideful to ask for my little sister’s help.” The words come out of Shi Fen’s mouth too easily and quickly. “I know I fucked up because I treated you like shit back then, but, I—”
“You mean because you rejected me by calling me disgusting?” The pain on Kai Xin’s face matches well with the tone of his voice.
Hearing what Kai Xin says, the memories came back to Shi Fen.
Right after graduating, Shi Fen remembers getting invited by Kai Xin to his home, to celebrate, he said. Of course, Shi Fen accepted easily, although Kai Xin weirdly prevented Wan Sui from coming along with them, which raised suspicion. But he didn’t think much of it and came over anyway.
They talked about some things, reminiscing all the stupid shit they did and how dumb they were back then, until they ran out of topics to talk about and fell into a painful silence. Normally, either Kai Xin or Shi Fen would crack a joke or bring up another topic, but the uneasy expression on Kai Xin’s face prohibited Shi Fen from doing so. He sat quietly, waiting for Kai Xin to spill out whatever he wanted to say.
Then, Kai Xin scooted over closer to him, closing the distance between them. He had a light flush on his cheeks, rosy color tinting his white skin. Shi Fen couldn’t help but to hold his breath as Kai Xin confessed his feelings. He couldn’t remember the exact words Kai Xin had said, but he remembers the way Kai Xin stared at him. It sent shivers down his whole body.
Surprised by the sudden turn of events, Shi Fen was overcome by disgust and blurted out exactly what was on his mind back then. He called his own best friend slurs, insults and the most disgusting nicknames that you could ever think of. After that, Shi Fen immediately ran out of Kai Xin’s house without looking back, and since then, they never contacted each other.
Yet after three years, Shi Fen suddenly shows up at Kai Xin’s doorstep, apparently seeking for shelter.
Shi Fen snaps out of his recollection and faces Kai Xin properly, head still drooping down but his eyes looking up towards his best friend. “Kai Xin, fuck, I know you’ll cringe so hard, but this is probably going to be the sincerest apology that I’ll ever say to you,” not that I’ve ever apologized to you before, He left the last words inside his mind.
Kai Xin doesn’t reply, waiting for Shi Fen to continue talking.
“I was surprised, I wasn’t thinking, and— and,” Shi Fen gulps, “I’m sorry for not contacting you earlier. I’m sorry for treating you like that. I’m— I’m truly sorry.” He finishes his apology, bending his body and lowering his head because he really did feel guilty for ghosting his best friend for years. “Feel free to kick me out, but at least please accept my apology,” he adds.
Silence.
More silence.
Shi Fen slowly lifts his head up, feeling the towel in his hand growing cold from all the water on his body. To his surprise, Kai Xin doesn’t seem mad or disappointed, just maybe, sad? Shi Fen couldn’t tell.
Kai Xin was big, way bigger than Shi Fen, but at that time, he seems so small and vulnerable. His eyes were clouded with tears, threatening to fall out at any moment. A pang of guilt throbbed inside of Shi Fen’s chest yet once again, swirling a painful hurl of stormy clouds.
Shi Fen doesn’t know what to do beside reaching up and wiping the tear from the edge of Kai Xin’s eye. “I’m sorry,” he repeats.
“Will you properly answer to my confession now, at least?” Kai Xin asks carefully, the doubt in his eyes palpable.
Shi Fen is taken aback. His hand froze. “You haven’t moved on from me?” Ah, shit, Shi Fen’s voice accidentally quivers.
“How can I ever forget you?” There’s not a single lie in Kai Xin’s words.
Admittedly, after hearing the confession from Kai Xin, Shi Fen immediately felt disgusted, but that’s only because he didn’t understand how to deal with the situation and the thumping inside his heart. He was afraid of the fact that his heart skipped a beat after Kai Xin confessed, and he vented his confusion towards Kai Xin carelessly, hurting him in the process. It happened too quickly, and Shi Fen didn’t have any time to think rationally about how he truly felt.
After all, suddenly knowing that your best friend has feelings for you is surely a very perplexing concept, especially since that certain best friend is also a man. Homosexuality is considered a taboo in their country, and he was raised with the mindset that heterosexuality is the norm, so it added more weight to his chest.
However, after contemplating for three years, going nowhere with his life, he finally realized how he probably also had affection towards Kai Xin. It wasn’t big enough that he’d notice it immediately, but it was definitely there. The warmth he felt every time he’s with Kai Xin, the wonderful memories they made together, it all made Shi Fen realize that maybe he felt the same.
Although he’s too much of a coward to admit it, Shi Fen has always appreciated Kai Xin’s presence in his life; whether it be when he’s sad or happy, Kai Xin has always been there for him.
His heart flutters.
“If I say that I feel the same, what would you do?” Shi Fen manages to croak out despite the fluttering butterflies inside of his stomach. Red starts to bloom all over his pale skin, making the blush more vivid than it already is.
Kai Xin’s eyes widen, lips slightly parting. “You do?”
The embarrassment finally hits him, and he looks away. “Of course, I do.”
“Well, you did call me homophobic slurs, so—”
Shi Fen immediately roses up and covers Kai Xin’s mouth with both of his palms. “Please don’t remind me again.”
Seeing how his best friend is blushing all over his body, Kai Xin’s gaze softens as he releases Shi Fen’s hands from his lips. Slowly, he leans forward, pushing Shi Fen to lean on the armrest of the couch. He hovers above the smaller-figured man, amused by the amount of blush visible on Shi Fen’s skin. It was pretty, like seeing rose petals fall onto white snow.
Shi Fen feels dizzy under Kai Xin, hazy eyes looking up at Kai Xin’s bigger stature. “What are you doing?”
“Claiming my second kiss from you,” Kai Xin says as he dives in to meet Shi Fen’s cold lips, feeling Shi Fen twitch under him due to the difference of temperature.
Kai Xin’s kisses are like fire on Shi Fen’s snow-cold skin, each skin contact like blooming flames. Shi Fen whines from the rough kisses, his breath hitching and chest heaving quickly.
Breaking the kiss, Shi Fen says, “I’m cold,” he wraps his hands around Kai Xin’s neck, “warm me up?”
Warmth spreads across Kai Xin’s body, but he smirks.
“I already planned to do that.”