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Bucky came out of the bathroom after brushing his teeth to find Sam about to climb in bed. He pushed down whatever part of him that was thinking too hard about this, about what it could mean, about possibilities. It was just two nights until Sam’s cousin, Ernie, went back home. He could share a bed with Sam for two nights. Not a big deal.
Bucky walked over to the bed and pushed the covers aside.
“You don’t snore do you?” he asked as he climbed into bed.
Sam huffed. “Please, I do not snore.”
“Hope not.” Bucky eased down on the pillow, fluffing it once with his metal hand.
Sam eased down beside him. “If you snore though, I’m gonna kick you out. Don’t all old people snore?”
“You know what–”
“At 106 you definitely count as old. Don’t argue.” Sam flicked off the lights and laid down on his pillow.
“I don’t snore.”
Sam huffed out a laugh.
“And physically I’m like thirty-something.”
“Anybody at any age can snore. But you are old and you’re the snoring type.”
“There’s a snoring type?” Bucky asks in disbelief.
“Yes, there is. All old people are snoring types, but people with small noses and poor posture also count–”
“Poor posture?” Bucky turned on his back, tilting his head to give Sam a look.
“Yes, poor posture. Think about it. Bad posture is just constraining your lungs.”
“It’s a good thing you’re not a doctor.”
“What, like you have any more medical knowledge?”
“I do actually.”
“Not field medicine.”
Bucky huffed. “Taking care of Stevie wasn’t a walk in the park.”
“Yeah, Steve mentioned that.” A pause, a softer tone. “He was a real sickly kid huh?”
“Yeah.” Bucky smiled, remembering the good memories that always showed up in the bad. Yeah, Steve was sick a lot, but those were also the times Bucky felt most needed. Steve didn’t like anyone to see him vulnerable, but he trusted Bucky when he was. Bucky missed that, having someone to be vulnerable with and to return that vulnerability. Hard for someone to trust the Winter Soldier. “Allergies, pneumonia, you name it, Steve caught it. And of course, the kid had asthma too, so spring was the worst. I got really good at making soup.”
“Strange to think about Steve like that.”
“Yeah. Weird to see him as an old man too.” Bucky ignored the pang that thought caused and brought the conversation back to something more positive. “Now he definitely snored. Even as a kid he snored.”
“He did not.”
“He did. Loud too for a guy as scrawny as him.”
A silence fell for a moment, and Bucky could tell Sam was about to say something with weight behind it.
“Steve talked about you a lot. Back when we were looking for you.”
“He always did love to run his mouth.”
“I didn’t understand why he cared so much about this. I thought it was just because you were a piece of his past. But it was clearly more than that. You were worth saving for you. Not because of what you mean to anyone else.”
Bucky let the silence hang between them as Sam’s words rang in his ears. You were worth saving. Sam was someone Bucky could have that vulnerability with. Sam could be trusted and trusted him in return. That’s the part that Bucky could barely believe on his bad days. Sam trusted him. Sam let him stay here with his family. And Sam had seen him as the Winter Soldier. Hell, the Winter Soldier had tried to kill Sam, and still, Sam trusted Bucky now. Sam let Bucky into his life and seemed to enjoy it.
“Night, Buck.”
The sound of Sam moving could be heard as Bucky swallowed. “Yeah, goodnight.”
Sam chuckled, and his light punch to Bucky’s arm came as a surprise.
“Stop thinking so loud and get some sleep.”
Bucky huffed and turned on his side, facing Sam. He made a face before he closed his eyes causing Sam to laugh again, that sound putting that warm feeling back in Bucky’s chest.
***
The morning came with the fuzzy memories of another nightmare and a warm body pressed against his.
“You good?” There was a hand on his arm, and Sam blinked open his eyes. Sam found Bucky pressed against him and staring at him intently. Damn him and his stupid stare. There were half a dozen purposes for Bucky’s stare, and this was Sam’s least favorite, when Bucky was trying to figure him out. Though the stare had softened into something else lately, more caring instead of analytical. But still, Sam didn’t want to talk about the nightmare he barely remembered but could still feel the drag of negative emotions from. Sam rolled onto his back, forcing Bucky to ease back.
“I’m good. Just a nightmare.” He stared up at the ceiling and focused on the familiarity around him. His ceiling, his bed, Bucky’s breathing, Bucky’s hand on his arm, the smell of bacon coming from downstairs.
Bucky huffed. “Just a nightmare, huh?”
“Don’t even remember most of it. Kinda wish I would. Then I’d know what my mind is freaking out about.” Sam breathed deeply. In and out. In and out.
“Yeah.” Bucky squeezed his arm. It was a grounding reminder that those emotions didn’t have a hold over him if he didn’t let them. There was nothing to fear here in his own home. And even if there was, Bucky would fight that terror in a heartbeat. Sam found Bucky’s eyes and allowed himself a moment to get lost in them. Just one moment. He’s safe here. The nightmare was just a figment of his mind. Bucky’s right here, solid and real with blue eyes that speak compassion and warmth. Bucky has nightmares too, the memories that plague, so it was easy for Sam to find comfort in his concerned gaze because it’s not sympathy or pity there but understanding.
Sam moved to a sitting position and got out of bed; he missed the feel of Bucky’s hand on his arm, strangely enough.
“Think Sarah would be mad at me if I went down for bacon in my pjs?”
Sam laughed as he grabbed his clothes. He shot Bucky a glance, taking in his sleep ruffled appearance. “No, but she would have something to say about that bed head of yours.”
Bucky’s face scrunched up, and his hand went to his hair. “My hair doesn’t do that anymore.”
Sam pointed to the mirror. “Don’t believe me?”
Bucky huffed and got up and walked over to the mirror. His face fell when he saw the condition of his hair. Sam thought it was adorable. But Bucky was always adorable when he wasn’t in Soldier mode. “Guess I need a haircut.”
“You just need a brush.” Sam couldn’t resist running a hand through Bucky’s hair and messing it up more. Was it just him or did Bucky lean into the touch for a moment? Bucky had been more tactile since moving in with them, but Sam could never tell the reasoning behind that.
Bucky slapped his hand away. “Stop that. You’ll make it worse.”
Sam laughed and then headed toward the bathroom to get ready for the day.
***
Bucky had tamed his hair and brushed his teeth in the guest bathroom before heading downstairs. He’d left the pajama pants Sam gave him on because they were soft and comforting and they used to belong to Sam.
“Morning, Bucky,” Sarah greeted as he came into the kitchen. He zeroed in on the bacon sitting on the counter.
“I could smell your delicious cooking from a mile away, Sarah.”
Sarah laughed. “You certainly look like you just stumbled right out of bed.”
“Hey, at least my hair looks nice.”
Sarah laughed and reached up to ruffle his hair. He ducked away. He frowned at her to express his displeasure, though he had to wonder why her touch felt different than Sam’s and why it elicited a different reaction from him. She only laughed more. “It looks like you just ran a comb through it.”
“I did.” And what was so wrong with that? Shouldn’t his hair look brushed instead of unbrushed?
“Sit. I’ll make both you and Sam a plate. Ernie and the boys are eating outside on the boat.”
“We’ll join them.”
“And where is my brother?”
“Couldn’t be seen in his pjs.”
Sarah laughed. “Maybe he actually took the time to do his hair.”
Bucky huffed. “My hair is fine.”
Sarah placed two plates in front of him. “Coffee?”
“I can make it.”
“Last time you said that you busted my second favorite mug.”
“And fixed it,” Bucky said with a hint of embarrassment. “It won’t happen again.” Bucky stood and went to grab a mug out of the cabinet.
“Of course not. You have your own designated mug now.” Sarah smirked and Bucky couldn’t figure out why.
“You said to buy new–”
“And you just had to get the set of Captain America mugs, didn’t you?”
Bucky looked down at the white mug with the shield on it and then back at Sarah with a grin. “Seemed fitting.”
“I guess it is.” She smiled and then her eyes flicked over his shoulder. “Coffee?”
“Yes, please,” Sam’s voice answered, and Bucky turned back to the cabinets and grabbed the second Captain America mug. The one Sam only used when Bucky was the one to make him coffee because Bucky always picked it.
“I made you a plate. The boys decided we’re eating on the boat this morning.”
“This smells delicious, Sarah.” Sam snagged a piece of bacon off his plate and took a bite. “Tastes delicious too.”
Bucky filled their coffee cups and reached in the fridge for creamer. Sam came around him and grabbed the sugar and dumped a huge amount in his mug and a smaller amount in Bucky’s. They both liked their coffee sweet. Bucky hadn’t at first; the flavor had been too much for him, so he added plain creamer or milk most of the time. Then Sam introduced him to flavored creamer and that was how Bucky found the perfect sweetness balance. Sam’s insistence on adding even more sugar was something Bucky found crazy at first, but now the sweetness was nice on his tongue. A positive on the mornings after nightmares.
Sam took hold of both their plates and followed Sarah out the door. Bucky stirred each of their coffee mugs before following them out to the boat.
The morning sun was bright in his eyes, and he regretted not bringing his sunglasses but the sound of Sam’s nephews' laughter eased the regret. Sam’s whole family eased all his regrets. Eased something inside of him that made it easier to breathe.
He sat beside Sam on the boat and the air was filled with happy conversations and laughter as they ate. He almost didn’t need the coffee to wake up when he was surrounded by these people. People that cared about him and that he cared about in return. People that he felt completely and wholly safe around.
Sam nudged him with his arm and Bucky focused back in on the conversation only to see that AJ had snuck a piece of bacon off his plate. Well, he couldn't let that stand now could he?
“Hey. Someone stole my bacon.” He turned to AJ. the warmth of the sun cascaded along Bucky’s back and he set his plate in Sam’s lap and stood as Sam sputtered a protest.
“I’m a growing kid.” AJ stood and crossed his arms. “I need the food.”
“You’re a menace.” Bucky stalked forward with a grin and AJ darted past him.
Cass jumped up and joined the chase even as Sarah called out, “Don’t you dare push my kids into the water. We are not going for another swim.”
“But today’s the perfect weather for a swim, Sarah” Bucky laughed as he chased the kids down the pier. He didn’t think he’d ever lived like this before, so free and uncontrolled and safe. The feeling in his heart was warmer than the sun beating down on him, and here he finally felt really and truly alive.