Hailey and Jay sat across from each other at the high-top table, tucked away in the back of the bar. They weren’t at Molly’s, rather choosing the little dive by Jay’s building. Hailey bought their first round, as promised as they walked away in sync from the mosque.

She had told Adam that she wasn’t feeling up to any company, but the truth was, she wanted to stay with her partner and make sure he was okay. Hailey shut off her phone, making sure nothing would interrupt them doing their thing. Cases involving the military or war vets affected Jay that much more, and she understood why. But after everything that happened the year before, with Camilla and Luis, Hailey was determined to make sure the same thing didn’t happen with Jake Miller.

Their thing, which started a few months back after the case with Booth, was something the pair had come to heavily rely on. One of them would buy the other a drink, let the other one vent, and make sure they each got home okay and were ready to go to work the next day.

Jay silently drank his whiskey, watching the traffic go by,

“If I think hard enough, I can see the face of every innocent bystander I’ve killed, trying to get to one specific target, with the mindset that they were all the same.”

Hailey locked her eyes on him, seeing the faraway look there, as he continued speaking without looking at her,  

“I know I said that the war was a part of my life, and it’s not who I am anymore. And it’s not.”

Hailey nodded, unsure of where he was going with this,

“I know, Jay. It’s part of what makes you, you.”

Jay shot her his famous half smile, the smile that has come to make her heart skip a beat, a fact that she has been trying to ignore as of late, and file into the very back of her thoughts.

“All the terrible things that happened there, as much work as I put into managing the stress and the triggers, I didn’t actually understand that I still carried that bias with me…until today.”

He dropped his head down, in shame or maybe, because he was embarrassed, but Hailey was having none of that. She reached across the table on instinct and put her hand on his forearm, squeezing for a second before rubbing light circles with her fingertips.

“Jay…you walked in there today, and you stopped Jake from murdering thirty innocent people. Thirty innocent children, fathers, brothers, husbands…you did that. You stopped him from ruining someone’s family, from taking away someone’s father, from making today someone’s worst day. You should be so proud. Because I know I am.”

Hailey kept her hand on Jay’s arm and he looked up at her, the look on her face making his pulse quicken. There was no judgement there, only calmness and understanding. She was looking at him so intensely, he felt like he could drown in the blues of her eyes. She smiled at him and squeezed one more time before moving her hand back into her own space.

“Thank you, Hails.”

That simple statement held so much impact for Hailey, making her wonder if he ever felt safe enough with anyone to talk about all that happened, all that he deals with and all the work he puts in to be the good man he is today.

 “Wanna walk back to my place? This stool is killing me.”

Hailey laughed and stood up, reaching into her coat pocket for a few bills to cover their tab. Jay opened his mouth to protest, but she beat him to it,

“Hush. You got that very expensive bottle of whiskey after the whole Devin thing. Least I can do.” She waved her hand at the table littered with their handful of whiskey glasses.

Jay chuckled and put his hand on the small of her back, leading her to the door. They walked out, the cool fall air smacking them in the face. When Hailey stepped closer to Jay to escape the gust of wind, he didn’t say anything. And when Jay threw his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him, she didn’t say anything either.

The pair were quiet on the short walk back to Jay’s building, where both of their cars were parked, enjoying the calmness of the night and the company they were offering each other. As they got closer to his door, he realized he didn’t want her to go just yet,

“So...I don’t know if you have plans for the rest of the night, but I kinda want to show you something.”

Hailey looked up at him and shook her head,

“Nope. No plans.”

Jay smiled down at her, just as she lifted her eyes to smile at him. Realizing his arm was still around her shoulder, he was suddenly filled with a boost of confidence, so he looped his other arm around her, pulling her into his chest.

He felt her tense for a second before relaxing into his embrace, wrapping her arms around his torso and squeezing. Not realizing how small she actually was until this moment, Jay leaned his head down and inhaled the sweet smell of her hair, before whispering into her ear,

“Thank you. I really don’t know what I would do without you.”

As he pulled away, Jay pressed a quick kiss to the side of her temple. Hailey felt her eyes burn at his statement, so she nodded her head into his chest and rubbed her hands up and down his back, feeling his solid form under her palms. He tightened his hold on her for a few seconds longer before reluctantly pulling away from and opening the door for her.

Jay handed her a beer before walking away from her and into his bedroom.

Hailey sat down on his couch and curled her legs under her, trying to calm her heart rate after that hug. She was creating quite the mess for herself right now, and was unsure on how to get out of it.

Torn from her thoughts as she felt the couch dip next to her, Jay returned with a worn leather box in his hands,

“What’s that?”

Jay smiled at her,

“My mom always had this thing about keeping the little, important things. I’m pretty sure she saved every art project Will and I ever gave her.”

Jay paused to look at her and Hailey shot him a smile, resting a hand on his shoulder, never really having heard him speak about his mom more than just in passing.

“When I came back from my first tour, she was pretty sick and needed a lot of help. Will was who knows where and my dad…he was barely functioning. So to drown out all that happened over there, I dove in to taking care of her 24/7.”

Hailey rubbed his shoulder lightly at that remark,

“I’m sorry, Jay.”

Jay nodded and kept going,

“So eventually, after her asking me a thousand times, I told her a little bit about Afghanistan. Only the good things though…like how the sky at night was so clear so you could see every star, how the kids would come play soccer with us and we’d try to teach them English.”

Hailey nodded and squeezed his shoulder this time,

“I’m sure she loved that.”

Jay shook his head, biting his emotions down and chuckled,

“You know, she did love that. She said that she’d watch the news every day, and she knew about all the awful things that were happening around that time. She was a teacher before she had to retire early, and I can so clearly remember the way she smiled when I told her we were teaching those kids English.”

Hailey could see the tears building in his eyes and heard the way his voice was cracking, so she tapped the top of the box lightly, giving Jay a moment to gather himself,

“So, what’s in there?”

Jay handed her the box, grateful for the out she just gave him.

“You can look through it.”

Hailey looked at him, with her own tears ready to fall after listening to him talk about his mom so openly,

“You sure?”

Jay sniffled and nodded, and then got up to grab them each another beer. No one had ever looked through that box, let alone knew that it existed. He never wanted to talk about his time overseas, never mind opening the box and being reminded of all that he lost at such a young age. But with Hailey, he wanted to show her, to tell her; it was just different with her.

He tapped her knee with the cold bottle, setting it on the coffee table in front of them,

“You can ask whatever you want. After this case, after the day I raised my gun at you last year, I think I owe you that much.”

Hailey nodded and opened the box. The lid was lined with a few metals, one of them she recognized immediately,

“Jay, you have a Purple Heart?”

He nodded,

“I got that after my first tour, for distinct service and greatly sacrificing myself.”

His hand floated up to his collarbone, his thumb absentmindedly running over the scar there.

“The non-gory version of the story is my unit was sent into a village to do a raid at night. Was supposed to be in and out, grab what we were after and head back to base. We were all expected to ship out and come home two days after that. On our way out of the village, on the road between there and base, we ran over an IED. I just happened to be sitting on the outer edge of the Hum-V, and I took shrapnel to my neck.”

Hailey nodded and reached her hand out, pulling at the collar of his henley,

“That’s what this is from?”

She ran her thumb over the skin there, years of healing having smoothed the skin down, but the pink mark was still visible. Jay started to speak again, Hailey feeling his throat constrict as he spoke as her thumb was still resting over the scar,

“We started taking heavy fire. In between fighting back, I pulled out my whole unit and protected what we were sent in to get. Me and one other guy, Mouse. We pulled them down an embankment so we could try to help them, until we realized that limbs were missing and half their blood volume was gone, so we sat with them so they weren’t alone as they died. I was so hyped on adrenaline that I didn’t even realize I was hurt myself. We started that mission with eight guys, eight of us who should have gone home in two days. We ended it with two.”

Hailey shook her head,

“You and Mouse?”

Jay nodded.

“Jay…I…thank you for telling me. I really can’t even imagine all that you went through.”

She glanced over at him and saw a few tears roll down his face, so she decided to move on, and ask about another medal; a red, white, and blue one with a thick gold border. She ran her finger over the material,

“What’s this one?”

Jay lifted his head and saw which one she was pointing at. This medal held the most painful memory for Jay, and was the reason why he was honorably discharged.

“That’s the Army Valorous Unit Citation Award.”

Hailey looked at him with a look of confusion on her face,

“Never heard of that one before.”

Jay smiled,

“Yeah, most people don’t. It’s awarded for extraordinary heroism in action against an armed enemy of the US.”

Hailey knew there must be a pretty intense story behind that, so she again gave him an out, not wanting to drag up all these bad memories.

“Jay, you don’t have to tell me how you got this one.”

Jay shook his head,

“It’s sad to think about, but in a weird way, talking about it helps, kind of feels good. You’re the first person, besides my therapist, to hear these stories, and the first person to see this box.”

Hailey’s eyes widened at that,

“Jay, wow, I’m honored…really. Thank you.”

Jay went on to tell her about their base being raided, fighting off the Taliban while again protecting the injured members of his unit. How they were able to get to their helicopter, but it was shot down and the next thing he knew, he was in a hospital with doctors hovering over him, slicing off his fatigues, sticking him with needles and shoving IV’s in his arms.

Hailey sat back on the couch and let out a long breath. She wasn’t sure what to say right now, so she opted to sit in silence for a few minutes, allowing them both a second to gather their thoughts.

“So that’s why you hate hospitals, and needles?”

Jay nodded,

“Exactly. I don’t think they gave me a strong enough sedative. I was in the weird state of awake and knocked out, I could feel what they were doing and I could hear their voices, but my eyes were closed. It was terrifying.”

Hailey inched closer to him on the couch and put her hand on his knee,

“What you said earlier…it feels better to talk about it? I’m always here to listen, Jay. This is a lot to deal with, to think about, to be reminded of when a case like Miller comes up; so if you let me, I’ll help you carry some of it. You’re not alone here.”

Jay just nodded at her, his throat thick with emotion after reliving some of his worst moments, but also at her words; her selfless, non-judgmental statement that meant more to him than he could ever begin to tell her. 

He placed his hand over hers and squeezed her fingers,

“Thank you, Hailey, really. You don’t know how much that means.”

She flipped her palm so it was facing up and she laced her fingers through his, squeezing back,

“What are partners for, right?”

She cleared her throat and unlaced her hand from his and continued to flip through the contents of the box. Jay showed her pictures of his first unit, the one he lost, all of them not even legally able to drink a beer, but off to fight in the middle of a war.

He showed her pictures of some of the kids he taught to speak English, pictures of his boot camp graduation with his mom and Will; all of them showing a younger Jay, freckled face and eager, and so innocent, and handsome as hell in his Ranger fatigues, she thought, keeping that to herself.

She pointed back to the photo of Jay and Will with their mom, Will standing next to Jay, and Jay’s arm around the shoulders of his mom, her staring into the camera with a wide, proud smile,

“She was beautiful. She looked so proud of you.”

Jay smiled and ran his thumb along the corner of the picture, 

“She was so pretty. Obviously, I get my looks from her.”

Hailey chuckled at his joke,

“You obviously did not get any humbleness from your mom.”

He laughed with her and the continued to go through what was left in the box. When they were done, they put it on the coffee table, and sat back against the couch again. Jay let out a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair, Hailey letting out another chuckle at that. He raised his brows at her,

“What’s funny, Upton?”

Hailey smiled and laughed harder,

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you touch your hair, it’s always perfectly coifed back.”

Jay shook his head at her and laughed alone side her, feeling like some of the weight had been lifted from his chest.

“Well, consider yourself part of the inner circle. I don’t mess with the hair for just anyone.”

Hailey was almost snorting with laughter at that comment and she shook her head in response, putting her hand on her chest in mock flattery,

“I’m so flattered, really.”

Jay stood up and collected their empty bottles, grabbing the box as well, and putting it back in its spot in his bedroom. Coming back to the kitchen, he called out to Hailey,

“Another beer?”

Glancing quickly at the clock, seeing it was already 10:30 and knowing she should be heading out, something inside her told her to stay, that she needed to keep an eye on her partner, on her friend.

“Yeah, sure!”

She leaned forward and grabbed the remote from the coffee table, clicking on the TV and seeing there was a Friends marathon on some random channel. Jay sat down and chuckled at what he saw playing, quoting along with the show,

“PIVOT. PIVOT.”

Hailey let out another deep laugh and Jay couldn’t help but notice the way her eyes shined and her dimples popped out when she thought something was really funny. She ran a hand through her hair and looked over when she felt his eyes on her,

“What?”

You’re gorgeous when you laugh. Well, you’re gorgeous all the time, but especially when you laugh.

He shook his head, pushing that though back, and focused his eyes on the tv in front of them,

“Nothing.”

He glanced back over at her again and saw her still looking at him with her brows raised,

“I uh…just thanks again, for hearing me out with all that.”

Hailey shifted on the couch so she could see him easier, their knees touching slightly,

“You don’t have to thank me, Jay. Whenever you need someone to talk to or whatever, you know where to find me…all part of the thing that works.”

She shot him a smile and nudged her knee into his, shifting her focus back to the show. Jay sat back into the couch, throwing his legs up on the coffee table and they fell into a comfortable silence, letting out chuckles here and there as they watched.

Hailey startled herself awake, slowly blinking her eyes to take in her surroundings.

This isn’t my bed.

And why am I still wearing my jeans…?

Then suddenly she remembers she’s at Jay’s apartment; where she must have fallen asleep while watching Friends. She also realizes her shoes are off and she has a pillow behind her head and a knitted throw blanket over her body.

Jay must have moved and covered me.

Is this a partner thing? Are we crossing lines here?

No – he’s my friend, my best friend, who had a rough day and needed some company.

I’m on the couch…it’s fine. We’re doing nothing wrong.

Hailey was pulled from her thoughts as she heard a noise coming from Jay’s bedroom. She stopped moving and listened intently, and the next sound she heard was a yell and then something that sounded like a sob.

She vaguely remembers Adam telling her about a time last year where he found Jay sleeping on the breakroom couch, and when he tried waking him, Jay almost knocked him out. She hears another sob, and walked closer to his bedroom door, pushing it open slightly, peeking her head in.

What she sees shatters her insides. Jay is laying on his back, his hands twitching and mumbling something, words she can’t make out. With the streetlight pouring in through his curtains, she can see a layer of sweat on his forehead. Taking a few steps closer, she sits on the edge of his bed and places her hand on his calf, over the sheet, rubbing softly,

“Jay…”

He doesn’t react to her hand on his leg, so she waits a few moments, and when she notices the twitching has subsided in his hands, she makes her way further up the bed, closer to his face. This time she places her hand on his chest, and she can feel his heart racing under her palm,

“Jay. You’re okay.”

Her voice a little firmer this time, she rubs his chest, trying to get him to come to and escape what’s happening behind his closed eyes.

She watches his face contort in what looks like pain, his brows furrowed together, so she places her palm on his cheek and strokes his cheekbone, willing to try anything to wake him at this point. Her other arm is at her hip, ready to brace herself in case he doesn’t react well to her presence.

“Hey, Jay…wake up. It’s okay.”

At the feel of her palm on his face, his eyes shoot open and he sits up, almost knocking her off the bed. Hailey removes her hand instantly and looks at him, seeing a mix of embarrassment and fear displayed on his face. She smiles at him, and lowers both her arms,

“Hey. You okay?”

Jay looks down at his lap, taking deep breaths to calm his racing heart. He doesn’t answer her for a few moments, his eyes locked on the sheets, not wanting to meet her gaze. Hailey seems to understand that this isn’t something new to happen to him, but that it still pains him all the same, so she doesn’t force him to talk, instead moving herself from the edge of the bed to sit back against the headboard, her legs stretched out next to his.

She reaches over to take one of his hands, and laces her fingers through his, feeling her heartbreak when she realizes he’s trembling. Running her thumb over his knuckles, she finally decides to speak,

“You don’t have to tell me, but you’re also not alone.”

She sees his head glance over at her from the corner of her eye,

“Did I hurt you?”

Hailey shook her head,

“Not in the slightest. I know you’d never hurt me.”

Jay nodded,

“Did I scare you?”

She finally turned her head to look at him,

“No. I get it…the nightmares. Happened to me a few times.”

Jay nodded at her again and sidled over to make more space for her,

“Uhh…usually what helps is if someone just stays with me, or holds my hand – something to ground me, ya know. And your hand is much softer then Will’s.”

Hailey laughed at that and squeezed his hand again,

“Whatever you need.”

Jay scooched himself down and rested his head against her forearm, holding onto her hand like it was a lifeline, and inhaling the smell of her shampoo from her hair and the scent of her perfume on her sweater,

“Is this okay?”

Hailey felt tears come to her eyes, all Jay wanted was someone to be there. Swallowing against the lump in her throat she answered him,

“Yeah, Jay. It’s okay.”

She found herself again wondering how long it had been since someone had actually been there, holding his hand through the night, listening to his stories, letting him get it all out. She was happy he trusted her enough to show her this other side of him. So, when she felt his breathing even out some, and his grip on her hand loosen, she raised her right hand and ran it through his curls, surprised at how soft his hair was. She leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead and leaned her head against his, closing her eyes and letting the sound of his breathing lull her back to sleep.

Jay woke up at 6:30 the next morning and adjusted his eyes to the sunlight pouring in through the window. Realizing how he fell asleep; his head on her arm and their fingers laced together – he risked a glance at his partner who was still sound asleep, her head tilted back, soft snores coming from her mouth.

He chuckled, never having taken her for a snorer. Unwinding their fingers and sitting up a little, he gently shook her shoulder to wake her up, as she’d have to go home for new clothes for the day,

“Hails…”

She moved slightly and rolled her head to the side, burrowing further into Jay’s pillow. Jay laughed to himself, she was clearly not a morning person. A strand of hair fell in her face as she moved and he gently brushed it back behind her ear. With that, he saw her eyes flutter open, taking in where she was and seeing a look of confusion pass over her face. She glanced over and gave Jay a small smile, running a hand through her hair in an effort to smooth it down,

“Hey.”

Jay smiled back at her,

“Good morning.”

Hailey sat up and stretched, pulling down her sweater that shifted up her back as they slept, and she glanced at the clock, seeing it was almost 7.

“Bed’s pretty comfy, Halstead. But I should get going, gotta change.”

Jay stood up and laughed, leading them out of his bedroom. Hailey followed behind him, rolling out her shoulders and laughing with him. She slipped on her shoes and took her coat from Jay as he passed it over to her,

“Hailey, thank you again, really appreciate it.”

She nudged her shoulder against his arm,

“What are partners for. You don’t have to thank me Jay, like I said, whatever you need you know where to find me.”

Jay pulled her into his side for a quick hug,

“Coffee and breakfast on me. See you in a bit, partner.”

Hailey grinned up at him,

“Sounds good to me. See you in a little while, Jay.”

Hailey made her way out of Jay’s building and into her Jeep, lost in her thoughts of everything Jay told her, how all he wanted was a little human contact and a shoulder to lean on.  As she climbed into her Jeep, she reached into the pocket of her jacket to turn her phone on. Her screen lit up and she saw a handful of missed texts and calls from Adam. Groaning under her breath, she read through them,

8:23 pm: Hey darlin’, up for some company?

10:07 pm: Hailey, you awake? Miss you girl.

12:47 am: Guess you fell asleep pretty early. Meet you with coffee and a ride to work in the morning?

6:49 am: Morning darlin’! See you in a few?

Glancing at the clock, she noticed it was almost 7:30 at this point. Rolling her eyes, she quickly connected her phone to car play and returned Adam’s multiple phone calls. She was never the type of girl to attach herself to someone like this, to constantly be in communication with who she was dating, although she wasn’t even sure what her and Adam were doing could be considered dating. Again, thoughts of this messy web she was weaving tangled her thoughts, but she was interrupted as Adam’s voice boomed through her speakers,

“There you are! Missed you last night.”

Hailey chuckled,

“Hey. Yeah, sorry about that. Just needed some time to decompress after that case ya know. It was a wild one.”

Adam hummed his agreement,

“So do you want me to swing by, I’m actually on my way right now.”

Hailey’s eyes widened, glancing down at her clothes from yesterday and her somewhat messy curls from sleeping,

“I actually overslept a little and am running into the shower right now. You go in, I’ll see you soon.”

Hailey felt slightly bad at the fib she just told, but she really did not feel like explaining where she was to Adam, nor did she really feel like seeing him at this moment.

“Okay. Guess I’ll see you in a bit.”

Hailey swung into her driveway just as she was wrapping up the call,

“Sounds good, bye Adam.”

Adam opened his mouth to ask if she still wanted a coffee, but Hailey cut him off with her goodbye. As she pressed the end call button on her steering wheel, she heard him still speaking to her on the other end of the line, but she really did need to get a move on.

Hailey ran in to her condo, toed off her boots and stripped off her clothes from the day before as she went up her stairs. Pulling her hair back so it wouldn’t get soaked in her five minute shower, she let the hot water roll off her back, loosening up her stiff muscles. She pressed her forehead to the cool tile of her shower walls, trying to understand these new feelings that have been surfacing for Jay, as well as trying to comprehend what the hell her and Adam were doing.

Hailey buzzed herself up after chatting with Trudy for a second, bouncing up the stairs, unsure of where her bought of energy came from.

Jay is bringing coffee and breakfast. I slept at Jay’s apartment, after he opened up to me about the war.

He trusts me enough to show me those pictures.

As she ascended the top step, she paused, feeling like the air was sucked out of her. She suddenly realized that she was far over the line of partners and best friends with Jay, the weird feelings she’d been having, those were thoughts and feelings related to Jay.

Holy shit. What am I doing. Oh my god.

Now it all suddenly makes sense. Shit.

She was again interrupted from her thoughts as Jay rounded the corner from the breakroom,

“Morning.”

Hailey smiled at him and fell into step with him as they made their way to their joined desks,

“Good morning.”

As she sat down, she saw two large coffees and two bags on his desk. Jay nodded towards the goods,

“As promised. They had one of those blueberry muffins with the sugar crystals on top, you love those right? And there’s also an egg white wrap in there, ya know for actual fuel.”

Hailey chuckled with him, as he always made fun of her for having a pretty intense sweet tooth,

“I do love those, thank you.”

He passed her the cup and the bag, their fingers brushing. Hailey squeezed his fingers and looked up at him, softly whispering,

“Are you okay?”

Jay squeezed back quickly and glanced up, as they heard footsteps on the stairs,

“I am. All thanks to you really.”

Hailey smiled and nodded, taking the bag from him and sat down. He shot her his smirky, half smile that made her stomach do somersaults, as she opened the bag and was greeted with the sweet smell of the muffin, she wondered how Jay knew those were her favorite.

Jay just knew. He was her partner, her best friend.

He was Jay. And Hailey was pretty sure she was falling in love with him.