Chapter Text
contrary to popular belief, jennie didn’t grew up with a silver spoon and a grade A cotton fibers for a diaper. they weren’t that poor too, so she’d say they were in the middle class. like 'one visit to the hospital and all of their funds are gone' type of middle class. things didn’t used to be like that when her dad was still alive, but when he passed due to a heart problem, it became more challenging. at that time, her sister, jisu, was just a year old, and her mom was working as a junior saleswoman at a small newspaper company. it didn’t pay that much, but it was enough to keep the roof over their heads.
but then the company started to have problems, her mother’s job was hanging on a tightrope. from then on, they were surviving on just a few scraps of money that jennie’s mother had saved. most of it went to her sister’s milk and diapers, while her and her mother were dependent on cheap meals with no nutritional value, but it kept them alive.
there were nights she could hear her mother cry- a single mother living with two daughters in a tiny apartment, keeping her daughters alive check by check. she knew that her mother kept a small amount of money, but it’s for emergencies only. they didn’t have anyone else to lean on either. her grandparents were gone in both sides, and they were estranged from her mother’s siblings for some unknown reasons.
jennie went to an all girls academy with a full scholarship, a small help that she could do at that time. with the academics keeping her busy, she didn’t have the time to make friends or be a normal child who plays outside or shares her toys with the other kids. after school, she’d stop by the library to borrow books that they couldn’t afford, then go straight home to watch over her sister because her mother started picking up night shifts at a drugstore. as sad as it sounds, she became an adult at such a young age.
she didn’t mind it. more so, she can’t complain about their situation because she understands what her eomma had to go through just so they could have something to eat the next day. she was okay with the way things were. she doesn’t like it, but she’d learned to live with it.
the only people that were truly in her life were her family, and her best friend that lived in the upper end of the community.
the first time she met park chaeyoung was at the school library. they both were reaching for the same history book, and that’s when she first saw the new kid. she was thirteen at that time, heard that there was a new student that came from another country, and being her, she didn’t really care much. but she saw the curious pair of eyes staring back at her, she knew it was the new kid.
they didn’t end up being friends immediately after that. she lets her take the book, while she fetched another one, and went away. she thought that was the last time she’d be in the presence of the new kid, but she was wrong.
for some reasons that she couldn’t understand at that time, the new kid forced herself in jennie’s life. how she ignored jennie’s snob remarks was beyond to her, but she was persistent. always following jennie around, picking her as her partner, sharing her lunches with her during break times, going home together.
it was a miracle that chaeyoung stayed despite jennie’s indifference to having friends. and in some way, she was grateful that chaeyoung was hardheaded and stubborn.
from then on, they became best of friends.
there was one time that chaeyoung wanted to visit her house, but jennie was embarrassed. when she went to chaeyoung’s, their whole living room was the size of their apartment, and that included the kitchen and the bathroom. and again, the younger girl was persistent, and that left her with no choice.
again, it was a miracle that chaeyoung stayed.
after that, the visits became more frequent, bond got stronger, to the point where even chaeyoung’s family knew about their situation and even offered to help if her mother asked. jennie's mother thanked them, but refused for any help. a reason that jennie didn't understood at that time, but never questioned.
being chaeyoung’s best friend means she got to learn stuffs about her that she’s sure no one else knew. not even her choir friends. it made her feel special, in sort of way. she learned that chaeyoung’s english name was roseanne park, and only special people can call her ‘rosie’. it was funny at first, calling the younger girl ‘rosie’ instead of ‘chaengie’, but it made her happy. she felt like she was part of a secret club.
(she’s sure that it made rosie happy too, judging by the crinkles in the corners of her eyes.)
she learned that rosie loves music and piano. the first time she heard her playing the big organ in the empty music room at school, she was blown away. it was beautiful. she swore to herself that she has never found anyone as amazing as rosie.
another thing is that rosie wasn’t the biggest fan of avocados. there was a time where she had sandwich for lunch (made for two, of course), and the younger girl almost vomited when she bit the bread. she gave jennie her slices, and explained that eating one feels like eating a wet sock. the way rosie’s face scrunched up in disgust was very memorable to jennie. but rosie, bless her heart, doesn’t have the guts to tell her dad that she hates the taste of the cursed fruit (rosie’s words, not hers) because it was his favourite. thus, jennie became her avocado eater to the point where she was starting to get sick with how much avocados she’d eaten.
though sometimes, she brings it home. and jisu loves it so it’s a win-win for everybody.
another thing, rosie adores jisu as much as she adores her little sister.
she sees it when the younger girl gave away her favourite dog stuffed toy, feeds her when jennie’s too busy doing her homework, plays with her when jennie’s napping, and even reads her stories in english even if the toddler doesn’t understand.
she could go on and on about how rosie is such a big part of her life, and how the very pieces of themselves fit each other so perfectly.
so, it was futile to stop herself from admiring her best friend in secret.
when rosie turned fifteen, she changed significantly, yet she remained the same. she had her growth spurt, much to jennie’s annoyance and to the younger girl’s delight.
(jennie has to stretch her hand to pat chaeyoung’s head. and while it was amusing for the latter to watch the former struggle, she started leaning down her head so her best friend wouldn’t have trouble herself anymore.)
chaeyoung also got prettier. way too pretty for a fifteen year old, if jennie was being honest. with someone as friendly and perky as rosie, it was bound that she will be surrounded with people from all over the school. she was just glad that the younger girl didn’t forget about her.
(that didn’t mean that she gets jealous less often because other people are taking way too much time with her rosie.)
the first time jennie saw her best friend in a different sense, it was a juxtaposition of elation and fear. the moment wasn’t anything special for someone who was looking from the outside, but for jennie, it was bookmarked inside her head for the longest time.
they were in jennie’s room, as usual. the older girl had to rush home because her mother had picked up an earlier shift at the drugstore, and naturally, chaeyoung came along with her. she was sitting in the old desk that came along with the small apartment, doing her homework, while chaeyoung was playing with her keyboard that she brought weeks ago. her baby sister was awake, blurting out random noises, her eyes were on the pink cat that chaeyoung won from the arcade last weekend.
the moment was serene at its best, until she heard chaeyoung sing for the first time.
she felt her world stop. everything was on pause and the only thing she could focus on was her voice and nothing else. she was looking at the mirror in front of her, as the reflection of rosie singing an old song to jisu. she recognised the song, her mother turns on the radio every sunday morning while cleaning, listening to the old songs that was played at the local station. she used to fall asleep at the sound of it, but now? she couldn’t.
she felt like every cell in her body was alert with anticipation. her heart was beating fast that she was scared it could be heard in the tiny room she shared with her baby sister. she felt her breathe stuck at the junction of her throat when rosie started laughing at jisu trying to copy her singing. the corners of her eyes were crinkled with delight as the two year old tried to copy her vocals, and she just remembers how nice would it be if rosie was always by her side.
but, the thought of losing rosie just because she has a crush on her was terrifying
she swore to herself that she’d never do anything that would jeopardise their friendship.
even at the expense of her feelings.
-
“jen? you okay?”
“huh? what do you mean?” she shifted her gaze from the mirror to the half written essay on her desk.
amusement danced behind chaeyoung’s irises, “jisu threw woody at your head, and i heard a thunk.”
jennie touched the back of her head and felt a tender bump, “oh, yeah, that hurt.”
“that was a late reaction,” the younger girl laughed, and reached over with long limb to caress the damage. “you usually tear up when jisu throws you something-“
“i don’t cry, rosie.”
“-but now, you didn’t.” chaeyoung paused, a frown starting to form between her eyebrows. “what were you thinking about?”
“nothing, i’m fine.” jennie awkwardly tapped the cool fingers on her head, but her best friend didn’t look convinced. “i promise, rosie. i’d never lie to you.”
“okay, if you say so.” chaeyoung mumbled, letting her hand fall as she sat again next to the toddler whose wet fingers are now touching the keys. “jisu,, don’t touch- no, no, don’t cry! i’ll sing again, okay? you’ll make your unnie grumpy.”
“i don’t get grumpy.”
“see? now, i gotta give her many hugs and you’ll lose your share because your unnie is too selfish .”
“yah, park chaeyoung-“
“i agree, she looks scary to me too.”
“jisu didn’t even say anything!”
“i think we should kick her out too. we could watch toy story and- yah, jennie kim! no tickling!”
-
jennie once thought that february eleven was a day filled with luck and happiness and all the good things combined. maybe she’s biased about it too because it’s chaeyoung’s birthday. since they became friends, chaeyoung only had one request for jennie on her birthday.
it was just to listen her play piano all day.
that’s it and nothing else.
the first time she celebrated chaeyoung’s birthday, she didn’t give her anything for two reasons. one, she couldn’t afford to buy one. and second, chaeyoung didn’t want any. except for that request. it didn’t bother her at first, since all she has to do was sit beside her and to watch and listen. that counted as a win too because she gets to eat all the ice cream she wants.
but they’ve been friends for a long time, and jennie thought it’d be appropriate if she gave something for her best friend. plus, chaeyoung gave her a bracelet that matches with hers on her birthday. so, with the small amount of money that she saved months ago, she bought her a keychain of theodore from the movie with the chipmunks.
reason? chaeyoung resembled one.
it’s jisu who actually called her that. it was a week after new year’s day and chaeyoung just came back from melbourne with a new cd in her bag. she explained that she saw the movie over christmas and that it’d be fun if she could watch it with the kim sisters too. jennie saw that jisu was hooked with the movie even if she didn’t understand half of it- judging with the way the toddler dances whenever alvin sang.
after the movie, jisu took one long look at rosie, pointed at her and called her “theo”.
the first stroke of luck for chaeyoung's birthday came when she was at a pet shop, looking for a squirrel keychain, when suddenly she was scouted to model the pet shop that she was in. at first, she was skeptical, and even told the manager that she was underaged and was still in high school. the lady manager gave jennie her contact information, and told her that if she ever changed her mind, she knew where to call.
when she told chaeyoung about it, the younger girl jumped in excitement and told her to take the chance. on the other hand, her mother was hesitant. she explained that she didn’t think it was okay for a teenager to work when she’s the parent and she’s the one who should be supporting them. it took a bit of explaining from jennie (and chaeyoung) that all she wanted to do was help, and she doesn’t want to waste any opportunities presented at her.
thankfully, her mother agreed, but under the condition that she was to accompany her on the day of the job.
that pretty much set the whole day into an even more amazing day. after chaeyoung played the piano to her heart’s content while she with milk ice cream, jennie nervously gave chaeyoung her gift. she was scared that maybe she chose the wrong gift to give to her best friend, but when the taller girl gave her a bone crushing hug and a peck on the cheek, she knew that she'd made the right choice.
it was perfect.
she just wished that she’d known that something would always block that small flow of happiness that she had; it might not be today, or it might be next week, but it was always there. snooping like that universe would tell her ‘time’s up, you’ve experienced happiness enough.’; that if she could, she’d stopped herself from getting attached even if it’s impossible.
she wished that she didn’t waste that birthday wish of hers on someone who’ll leave her at some point.
but most of all, she wished that she could say everything that was inside her chest before chaeyoung left.
-
“[HOT TAKE] CHANEL’s House Ambassador, JENNIE, arrived from Paris, France, minutes ago wearing the exclusive Ready-To-Wear Spring/Summer 2021 collection by Virginie Viard.”
“[EXCLUSIVE] JZ Ent.’s top model slash soloist, JENNIE, is said to be preparing for her debut album after months of preparations! Would she finally be releasing the songs that she performed in CHANEL’s afterparty?”
“[+1492, -16] jennie-ssi is the prettiest ever ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ”
“[+708, -12] ah… album.. finally..”
“[+502, -76] she looks so pretty even after her break up with kai.. ㅠㅠ how to be her?”
“[+275, -691] kai is dumb… why would he let go of jennie-ssi when she’s the most perfect idol ever…"
“[+471, -76] u dont know what happened… so shut up"
“[+101, -32] they were so cute too… i hope they’re together again"
“[+321, -112] this post is about jennie-ssi only yet u all managed to make it about her relationship… kekeke that’s why she doesn’t stay in sk too long”
-
“Juilliard alumni, Rosé, finally back in South Korea after finishing her masters in Vienna, Austria. With praises from all around the globe with her alluring and captivating colours of romanticism that she embarks with her piano, she is expected to bring the country in tears as she holds an open concert. And it’s for free? [Read more.]”
“World class pianist, Rosé, is set to perform at Seoul Performing Arts Centre three weeks from now! With high remarks from famous classical musicians, she is now ready to share her vicarious talent in public for free! [Read more…]”
“[+1082, -23] im not a fan of snob music, but i love it if Rose is the one performing”
“[+1001, -12] i like rosé style when she plays piano… i watched her perform once… made me cry ㅠㅠ… she’s talented so go see her!”
“[+924, -233] daebak… a free concert at spac? does she need a boyfriend ?”
“[+772, -309] i heard she’s engaged already ?"
“[+255, -4] ㅠㅠ yah… i feel my heart breaking…"
“[+16, -85] thats not true ! she said it’s not real! she told me just now!!”
“[+57, -23] ur crazy… get a job…”
-
jennie feels her breathe got knocked out of her chest as she continues to take in what’s in front of her- well, a few meters away from her. out of all places that she’d see her, it had to be here.
in a library.
high school library.
seven years of silence, and she’s back.
park chaeyoung is back.
rosie.
as if the other sensed her presence, the taller girl turns and sees her.
jennie thinks her heart is going to jump out of her chest. she always thought that chaeyoung was pretty when they were kids but now, she’s absolutely gorgeous. even with blonde hair, she still looks like she’s been sculpted by the gods themselves, took their time to perfect the slope of her cheekbones, to smoothen out every part of her skin, to paint her eyes with the prettiest shade of brown.
the blonde approaches with careful strides, as if she’s reading her. looking at her strangely. as if, she’s a stranger.
the thought of it burns jennie’s chest, and her friend of seven years comes resurfacing.
raw, red, anger fills up her insides.
her feelings are confusing. while she’s incredibly angry that chaeyoung never looked back after leaving her, she had the audacity to pretend like she’s someone who wasn’t a part of her life for four years.
like she didn’t matter.
jennie wants to run away, but her soles are stuck at the floor. she holds her breathe and sees chaeyoung stop five steps away from her. she hides her shaking fist behind her back, puts on her work face, and stares back at the blonde.
god, it’s like the first time they looked at each other after their first kiss.
it’s addicting and breathtaking and electric.
she feels her face warm at the memory of their teenaged selves staring at each other after the kiss. she wills it away, trying to keep her resolve strong. right, she was supposed to be mad because chaeyoung went away without so much of a proper goodbye.
jennie thinks she might be going crazy. the silence was deafening, yet it was overflowing with tension. she needs chaeyoung to say something, or else, she might do something stupid like, kiss her. and she isn’t supposed to do that because she is furious for the seven years of no calls, no letters, no anything.
plus, it gives her time to prepare for the long rant she had stored in her head for seven years.
what she didn’t expect was that chaeyoung would say such words.
“i’m sorry, do we know each other?”
now, jennie is extremely angry. is this- is she being for real?
“ah, i just feel like i’ve seen you from somewhere. i-“ chaeyoung pauses, as if debating if she should speak more. “i had an accident years ago, and i lost half of my memories. that’s why i’m back here in korea so i could learn more about my family and please don’t say anything to the press.”
jennie takes a step back, the heaviness on chest makes it hard for her to speak, but she pushes through.
"what did you just say?"