Archive of Our Own

College is not a good look for Soobin, Yeonjun decides.

“Just look at him,” he grumbles, glaring at the source of his problems, currently frolicking with a small group of girls outside the main building.

“What’s wrong now?” His friend, Changbin, sitting across from him on one of the outdoor tables on campus, sighs deeply. His gaze follows along Yeonjun’s line of sight until it lands on the object of Yeonjun’s ire.

“He’s all … popular now,” Yeonjun whines, wringing his hands, struggling to express the right words. “Now all these hyenas are chasing after him and batting their fake lashes at him.”

It wasn’t always like this. Soobin used to be all shy and timid, and wouldn't talk in a group unless directly spoken to. How many times did Yeonjun have to snap at the other student council members in high school for trying to take advantage of Soobin’s inability to say no by pushing their workload onto him. Ever since entering college though, Soobin seemed to be gradually growing out of his shell, becoming more expressive and less awkward.

Then, bam, a few weeks ago, he underwent some sort of makeover. Wearing better fitted clothes with a revamped fashion style, he went from zip-up hoodies and ratty T-shirts to slacks and smart-looking coats that complemented his height (someone obviously helped him with it. Yeonjun is deeply offended that Soobin didn’t come to him for fashion advice.) He somehow grew even taller, or maybe he just stopped slouching, and started using gel to style his thick, dark hair. 

Gel. It’s like Yeonjun doesn’t even know him anymore.

Soobin has always been good-looking, no doubt about that. But with the added confidence, he became ten times more attractive and suddenly the whole school population started pouncing on him.

“Do you like him or something?” Changbin asks sharply, smirking mysteriously like he knows something Yeonjun doesn’t.

“What? No! He’s just so different. Have I told you what he was like before?”

“Only a thousand times,” Changbin deadpans.

“He was so cute,” Yeonjun gushes, ignoring him. “Cute and pudgy. He used to be all starry-eyed and listened to everything I said like a puppy. Now look what he has become,” he laments, gesturing vaguely in the direction of Soobin disappointedly. 

Changbin hums at him disdainfully. “Sounds a lot like he used to be all over you. And now that he’s paying you less attention, you’re jealous.”

“I am not!” Yeonjun cries hotly. “This is just the feeling parents have when they see their child all grown up.”

Whatever it was that he said makes Changbing suck in a breath, wincing. “Son-zoned? Better not let Soobin hear you say that.”

Yeonjun frowns at him. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Do you seriously not see?” Changbin asks, aghast, shaking his head in disbelief. “He totally has a crush on you.”

“He does not,” Yeonjun scoffs immediately, staring at the other in judgement. “I’m just a really cool hyung to him.”

Equally agitated, Changbin leans forward to get his point across. “The kid’s whole face literally lights up when he’s with you. And I’m basically always ignored when he comes over to talk to you.”

“Maybe because no one wants to talk to you?”

Ignoring his jab, Changbin smirks. 

“Don’t believe me? Watch,” he says, before turning in his seat. Yeonjun registers what he’s about to do a second too late. Changbin is already calling Soobin’s name.

Perking up like a meerkat, Soobin finds them easily, a bright grin stretching across his face as he waves at them. He turns back to the three girls with him to say something to them and then he’s jogging over to Yeonjun’s table.

“You see now?” Changbin asks smugly, crossing his arms and leaning back triumphantly. And no, Yeonjun does not see.

“I do not see,” he hisses back. “Stop filling my head with your lies.”  He, joyfully, gets to have the last word, because Soobin arrives just then and Changbin is forced to bite back whatever stupid conspiracy he was about to say.

“Hi, hyungs!” Soobin greets excitedly, standing next to the table. “I just finished my last lecture. Are you guys having a break now?”

“I’m waiting for my next class, which starts in-” Yeonjun glances down at his watch, “ten minutes. I should go now.” Swinging his bag over his shoulders, he makes his way to leave.

“I’ll walk you,” Soobin replies quickly, making Yeonjun beam at him warmly. The kid is still as sweet as ever. The heartwarming moment is shattered when he accidentally catches sight of Changbin.

He’s whipped, his friend mouths behind Soobin’s back and Yeonjun fights the urge to throttle him. 

And yet, that is all Yeonjun can think about as they make their way into the building together. He peeks at Soobin next to him surreptitiously, gears in his brain turning. If the kid still acted jittery and nervous around him, like he did in the past, Yeonjun might actually believe Changbin. But Soobin’s behaviour around him has been nothing out of the ordinary. There’s no way he likes him, right?

On the way up the staircase, Yeonjun remains silent, listening to Soobin animatedly complain about one of his professors. When the taller pauses in between his rant to smile and greet some of his fellow students, Yeonjun can’t stop his chest from swelling in pride.

Despite what he said earlier, he can’t actually be mad at Soobin for being popular. Not when he still remembers the tears in the other’s eyes when he confessed years ago to Yeonjun that he found it difficult to make friends.

“Are you even listening to me?” Soobin grumbles. With a start, Yeonjun jerks out of his thoughts, realising he’d just been smiling at the other goofily. They’ve already reached his floor.

Almost automatically, Yeonjun’s hand raises to ruffle the taller’s locks fondly. “I’m really glad you’re opening up to others, Soobinnie.”

Sniffing haughtily, Soobin looks displeased by the action but doesn’t shy away from the touch. Yeonjun giggles at the expression.

“I’ll see you around then,” he says, patting the taller once on the shoulder and walking away. Soobin, bless that kid, lingers at the stairway as Yeonjun travels down the hallway. Pausing just outside the lecture room, he turns to wave one last goodbye at the boy still waiting for him, before stepping into the room.

“You and your boyfriend are cute,” the girl who entered right after him comments casually, making Yeonjun whip around in shock.

“But we’re not boyfriends?” Yeonjun exclaims, voice high-pitched. The girl, to her credit, looks embarrassed by her mistake.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I always see you guys on campus together, being all lovey-dovey, so I just assumed- my bad,” she says hurriedly, before brushing past him to go to her seat.

Yeonjun blinks after her cluelessly. First Changbin, now this? Is Yeonjun missing something?

An energetic pop beat pumps out through the speakers over the screams and chatters of the party. Standing next to the dresser beside the staircase, Yeonjun relays all of what Changbin said today to his other friend, Wooyoung.

“Then he said Soobin likes me. Like what?” Yeonjun recounts the ludicrous tale. “Tell me he’s crazy.”

“He’s crazy,” Wooyoung obliges after taking a thoughtful sip from his cup.

“Thank you.”

“For not waiting for me to tell you together!” the shorter snaps suddenly. Yeonjun flinches at the outburst.

“I wanted to tell you! Speed things up a little,” Wooyoung groans, genuinely frustrated. On the other hand, Yeonjun is still blindsided by this revelation.

“But Changbin was all like: ‘No, let him figure it out himself’,” he continues in a mocking, nasal tone. “And then he goes ahead without letting me in on it.”

“Wait,” Yeonjun says loudly, holding up two palms. His head is swimming with information he doesn't know what to do with. “Both of you think Soobin likes me? Why on earth…”

The end of his sentence dies off because his eyes chose that very moment to glance past Wooyoung at the door to the house, just in time to see an unwelcome face walk in. Yeonjun’s heart sinks to his toes. All of a sudden, the Soobin issue didn’t seem very important anymore.

Swiftly, he grabs Wooyoung by the shoulders and spins them around so that they’ve swapped places and Yeonjun’s back is now the one facing the living room.

Cringing into himself, Yeonjun mutters, ““Don’t look, but my ex just walked in.”

Wooyoung stands on his tiptoes to peer behind Yeonjun. “The one that cheated on you?”

“Thank you for the reminder,” Yeonjun grits out through clenched teeth, contemplating if he’s desperate enough to hide in some closet somewhere until the party is over.

“Uh oh,” Wooyoung gasps, facing Yeonjun again, dread written all over his face. “He just looked our way.”

Yeonjun blanches.

“Okay, now he’s walking over,” Wooyoung reports and alarm bells go off in Yeonjun’s head.

“What? What does he want after all this time? What do I do?”

Wooyoung makes an executive decision. “Quick! Make out with me. Make him think you’ve moved on.”

“No! He knows we’re best friends!” Yeonjun cries frantically. He isn't actually still hung up on that scumbag, but he just knows he’ll make Yeonjun feel small and pathetic again if he comes over. And Yeonjun really wants to avoid ruining his night.

“Make out with someone else,” Wooyoung supplies helpfully.

“Why is that your only solution?” Yeonjun hisses, glancing furtively around the room for a possible escape route. “And I can’t just go up to someone and ask to kiss them?”

“You’re hot. They’ll be happy to kiss you.”

He doesn’t bother glorifying that with an answer because at that moment, he notices a familiar tall figure alone by the drinks table, pouring himself a drink. He has a brief moment of surprise of even seeing Soobin at a party. Though with all the drastic changes happening recently, why wouldn’t he find Soobin here? 

Right now though, Yeonjun couldn’t be more relieved. He was planning on making a break for it and dashing out of the house faster than his ex-boyfriend could catch him, but this could work out for the better. Making up his mind in the span of milliseconds, he marches his way over to the kitchen island. Of course, doing so forces him to cross paths with his ex, but at least he’s prepared when the brunette stops him with a hand on Yeonjun’s elbow.

“Yeonjun, can we talk?”

“Minhyuck,” he greets curtly, pulling his arm free. Minhyuck is alone this time, he realises, not accompanied by whomever he cheated on Yeonjun with. But Yeonjun doesn’t care to know what happened, or what he has to say to him. 

“No, my boyfriend is waiting for me,” he says flippantly and stalks off quickly. 

“Hey, wait!”

Sighing in dread, Yeonjun quickens his pace, zipping and squeezing in between groups of people to widen the gap between them. He was hoping that that explanation would be enough reason for Minhyuck to leave him alone, but his calls to wait and the sounds of footsteps behind Yeonjun prove otherwise.

The moment he steps close to Soobin, Yeonjun gets straight to the point because he only has a few seconds before Minhyuck reaches them. Seeing him approaching, Soobin turns around, a smile ready on his lips and opens his mouth to say something but Yeonjun beats him to it.

“Remember how I helped you with your kissing problem?” He says brazenly, too urgent to feel any embarrassment.

Immediately, Soobin starts spluttering but Yeonjun doesn’t have time for that.

“Yeah, I’m going to need you to return the favour,” he blurts before cradling both of Soobin’s cheeks between his hands and tip-toeing slightly to press their lips together.

Yeonjun feels Soobin’s whole body tense up under his touch. With wide eyes, Soobin stares down cross-eyed at Yeonyun in shock. In that split second, Yeonjun regrets not giving him any explanation beforehand. He sincerely prays that the other won’t panic and push him away. If his whole fib falls apart in front of Minhyuck, he’d never be able to live the embarrassment down.

Thankfully, after a pregnant pause, Soobin relaxes, arms coming up around Yeonjun’s waist. That’s all the sign Yeonjun needs as his own hands slide forward to hook around the taller’s neck. This is different from the last time, he thinks belatedly as his eyes flutter shut, easing into the kiss.

For one, Soobin is kissing him back. Their lips move against each other in sync, perfectly moulded together as if they fit. The grip on Yeonjun’s hips tighten, tugging him closer till he is pressed flush against Soobin’s chest, the action sending fireworks down his spine. Soobin tilts his head and the kiss deepens. 

And suddenly, Yeonjun’s senses are bombarded with everything Soobin. The sweet scent of Soobin’s cologne, the warm touch of Soobin’s hands on him, the way Soobin’s teeth graze over Yeonjun’s bottom lip, making his stomach coil like a spring. Everything else fades away into the background.

He is violently brought back to reality by someone clearing their throat. He feels Soobin pull away first, forcing Yeonjun to open his eyes slowly. His lips are tingling as he gazes dazedly up at Soobin, but the other is staring at something behind Yeonjun.

Oh right. Minhyuck.

Brushing the hair out of his eyes flusteredly, Yeonjun quickly tries to compose himself, swivelling around to face his ex-boyfriend, who for some reason, is still here.

“What?” he snaps, mood souring instantly just by looking. The lines of Minhyuck’s face are tense with barely constrained anger.

“You know, you gave me so much shit for cheating on you, but you sure found someone quickly,” he sneers, hands clenched into fists by his side. “Looks like I wasn’t the only unfaithful one.”

Yeonjun blinks, confusion replacing his earlier hostility. What?

“You must have been happy to push all the blame onto me and make me the bad guy. Then you’re free to whore around with everyone,” Minhyuck continues mocking, tone scathing.

Understanding sinks in and Yeonjun bristles at the insinuation. The audacity of this guy. Part of him hates how he’s still so easily riled up by someone who isn’t even worth his time, but he’s not going to sit back and take this.

“Excuse you -” Yeonjun hisses, advancing forward dangerously, fully prepared to start a fight right here, right now, but is promptly stopped by a hand around his waist, pulling him back. Soobin steps in front of Yeonjun a little, almost protectively. Train of thought cut off abruptly, Yeonjun glances up at Soobin in slight confusion.

“Please don’t talk about Yeonjun that way,” Soobin says, tone the most frigid Yeonjun has ever heard him in. “He’s not that kind of person. You’re the one who blew your chance to treat him right. You don’t get to talk to him like that now.”

Shock would be an understatement to how Yeonjun is feeling. Who is this guy standing next to him and what has he done to Soobin? Soobin, the sweet, timid guy who would much rather swallow his own complaints than confront others, just stood up for Yeonjun?

Too busy gaping at the taller, he only realises his ex-boyfriend has stormed off when Soobin glances down at him, the glare melting into a concerned look.

“Are you ok, hyung?” he asks and Yeonjun belatedly takes note of the arm still around his waist, holding them close together. Face hot for some reason, he steps back just as quickly and Soobin’s arm falls to his side.

“Yeah. Sorry for springing that on you. I was hoping he’d leave me alone if it looked like I had a boyfriend,” Yeonjun replies flusteredly, retucking the ends of his white shirt into his pants just to have something to do with his hands. 

Soobin really has changed a lot. From his personality to his wardrobe, Yeonjun observes, eyes travelling over Soobin’s leather jacket and black jeans. Even his kissing has gotten better.

Wait.

Yeonjun gasps loudly, hand jumping to cover his mouth, visibly startling Soobin. “Please tell me you’re not in a relationship!”

Oh god. Oh dear god. Yeonjun’s a homewrecker. Soobin must have a girlfriend or boyfriend for his kissing to have improved. That’s the only explanation.

“No?” Soobin says, lips quirking up in amusement and Yeonjun sags in relief. “I mean, I dated this girl who asked me out in the beginning of the semester, but we broke it off a few weeks ago.”

“Oh. Why?” Yeonjun asks curiously, half proud of Soobin for managing to get a girlfriend and half berating himself for not noticing. They don’t really talk about their relationships much. Well, to be fair, Soobin used to only hang out with the same two friends in the past, so Yeonjun just assumed he never dated. And Soobin never asked about Yeonjun’s boyfriends either.

Soobin shrugs nonchalantly. “I tried to like her, but it didn’t work,” he says, sounding far too indifferent. In fact, Soobin is being way too calm about everything. Shouldn’t he be the one freaking out about the kiss, instead of Yeonjun? When had their roles reversed?

Itching to get away from this weirdness, he blurts loudly. “Let’s dance.”

Instantly, Soobin’s face pinches in worry. “Hyung, I can’t dance.”

Yeonjun snorts. That’s more like the Soobin he knows. Grabbing his wrist lightly, he drags a very reluctant Soobin to the dance floor in the living room, squeezing them closer to the amplifiers in hopes that the loud bass would drown out his thoughts. And it works. The music beats along to his heartbeat, louder than his own voice. It kind of hurts his ears a little, truth be told, but that’s better than allowing his thoughts to run free.

Soobin stands there unmoving like a fish out of water, out of place amongst the throngs of people throwing it back. Yeonjun’s guffaw is lost in the music as he watches Soobin scratch his neck awkwardly, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else other than here. Taking pity on him, Yeonjun tries teaching him some moves and Soobin follows them, albeit more sloppily. Yeonjun grins at him encouragingly, having to squint slightly in the strobing lights.

Two songs later and Soobin begins to let loose. The both of them are lost in moment, just bouncing along to the beat, not caring how stupid they look, taking turns to cackle at each other as they move their bodies wildly and comically. Yeonjun’s not doing one of his suave, sexy dance moves. He’s not trying to impress anyone this time, just simply having fun with a friend.

Several more songs go by and Yeonjun’s starting to work up a sweat. Halfway into a heavy EDM beat drop, Soobin stops dancing suddenly, choosing to lean closer, naturally supporting his hands on Yeonjun’s hips. The unexpected contact makes him freeze up. Yeonjun glances down once at the hands on his sides before looking up again, wide-eyed, and Soobin is all of a sudden very near.

For a split second, he thinks Soobin is going to kiss him again, but then Soobin moves to the left to say something to Yeonjun. Lips brush against the shell of his ears and Yeonjun’s breath hitches without warning. Moving back, Soobin looks at him as if waiting for an answer. Oh shit, Yeonjun totally missed what he said.

“What?” he shouts back over the music. He regrets it almost immediately when Soobin comes closer again, making the hairs on the back of his neck rise.

“Do you want to take a break?” Soobin repeats right next to his ear. Yeonjun nods hastily and quickly follows the other to a more quiet area of the house, grateful that Soobin is no longer touching him.

“Do you want a drink, hyung?” Soobin asks over his shoulder, not having to raise his volume to be heard anymore.

Yeonjun’s skin is still buzzing with what? he doesn’t know. Not knowing if he’ll be able to survive a conversation alone with the other, he refuses instinctively, “Actually, I have to find Wooyoung. Your friends are probably waiting for you too.”

“Have fun then!” he says with a forced cheer. Without waiting to hear what Soobin has to say, he flees the scene, trying to stamp down the flow of blood to his face. 

Seriously, what is wrong with him today?

After the kiss, he expected things to be weird. But Soobin acts perfectly normal in school next week. If anything, it’s Yeonjun who’s behaving strangely.

He starts to notice the little things. Soobin would occasionally brush something off Yeonjun’s lips during a meal without so much as batting an eyelid, and Yeonjun would have to pretend to be unaffected. Or he would rearrange Yeonjun’s fringe or tuck loose strands of his hair away from his eyes for no apparent reason while Yeonjun was in the middle of talking, making him stutter and lose focus briefly.

Or, he would do sweet gestures like pulling Yeonjun towards the inner side of the pavement when they’re walking next to the road, or opening the bottle cap first before handing a drink to Yeonjun, or wordlessly taking the books from Yeonjun’s arms and helping to carry them. And the thing is, Soobin has been doing this - taking care of him through subtle actions - since forever. Except now it’s like Yeonjun can’t stop noticing it. It’s driving him crazy.

“Do I like him? Or do I think I like him?” Yeonjun wonders out loud. He’s spending his Wednesday afternoon in a cafe near campus, next to Wooyoung and Changbin, hoping to get some work done, but his mind is the furthest thing away from that.

“Aren’t those the same things?” Wooyoung says, sipping on his caffeine.

Yeonjun closes his laptop shut - work can wait -, leaning forward urgently. “Am I just attracted to him because he suddenly became more good looking and popular? Was I always this shallow?”

Changbin doesn’t bother looking up from his laptop, continuing to type away, so Yeonjun proceeds to close his laptop too.

“Or am I just looking at him differently because I know he likes me,” Yeonjun presses on earnestly, the need for answers overwhelming. “Does he even like me though?”

“If I had known telling you would lead to this, I would have just kept my mouth shut,” Changbin groans.

“What’s up with you anyways?” Wooyoung asks, peering at Yeonjun judgementally. “You’re not one to overthink things usually.”

He’s right. Yeonjun never cares this much normally. If he’s attracted to someone, he’ll ask them out. If someone asks him out, he’ll usually give them a chance. If it doesn’t work, they’ll break it off. Simple.

“This is Soobin we’re talking about!” he sighs, slumping into his chair like he’s trying to melt into it. “I can’t make a wrong choice and hurt him.”

“Well, we’re ninety-nine percent sure he likes you. You don’t have to worry about that part,” Wooyoung chimes in.

Yeonjun points an accusing finger at the other. “Aha! What I’m hearing is, you guys aren’t a hundred and one percent sure.”

Rolling his eyes, Changbin sighs like he’s dealing with a child. “Besides, I don’t think that's shallow. It’s natural to be attracted to someone good-looking. Or maybe his looks have matured and you’ve just stopped seeing him as a younger kid.”

Yeonjun nods his head slowly. Those are all valid points.

“Either way,” Changbin says seriously, “Who cares about the reason why. All you have to do is figure out your feelings for him.”

Easier said than done. Yeonjun tries to, he swears. He’s spent the whole week mulling over it but he still can’t come to a conclusion. 

He’s always had a soft spot for Soobin and adored him as a junior. How is he supposed to tell if what he is feeling now is something more than that? He tries to use his imagination next. 

The idea of dating Soobin isn’t totally repelling, but that’s probably because Soobin is super sweet and caring and made of excellent boyfriend material. That doesn’t mean Yeonjun likes him. And he doesn’t cringe when thinking about kissing Soobin, but that’s also most likely because they’ve already done it twice. Then he tries to think about Soobin dating other people. Granted, that doesn’t sit completely right with him, but what if that’s because like what Changbin said, he’s jealous that the attention is no longer on him?

What the hell is Yeonjun supposed to do about this? He just wishes someone could dig into his brain and find the answer for him. Even now, as Yeonjun is staring unblinkingly at his phone, at the selfie of the two of them he had just taken, or rather, at Soobin’s smiling face, he tries to test whether his heart is racing or not.

“Hyung?” A voice says to his right, and Yeonjun finally glances up from his phone. Oops, he has kind of been ignoring Soobin.

“Something wrong with the picture?”

Yeonjun shakes his head hurriedly, pocketing his phone. They lapse into a comfortable silence as he turns his gaze upwards to clear sky. His brain hurts from thinking so much. They’re both seated out on the open grass patch, in a shady spot under a tree, killing time together before the next lecture starts.

From the corner of his eyes, he feels Soobin’s gaze on him. The younger’s lips are pursed, dimples poking out cutely, obviously wanting to say something but is holding back for some reason. Not wanting to rush him, Yeonjun waits quietly.

After another minute of stalling, Soobin hesitantly starts, “About your ex-boyfriend…” 

Ah, that’s what this is about. Yeonjun turns to face him, eyebrows raising in inquiry.

“He didn’t- he’s not still bothering you, is he?”

Yeonjun can’t control the scoff that escapes his lips. Kissing Soobin was certainly effective in deterring his ex-boyfriend. After the party, Minhyuck never came looking for him again. So much so that Yeonjun completely forgot his existence until Soobin brought it up.

“No, he’s not. He’s not with that girl he cheated on me with either. He must have come crawling back to me after she dumped his sorry ass,” Yeonjun says, grimacing in disdain. What did Yeonjun ever see in that guy?

Frown deepening, Soobin adds, tone uncertain, “Was...was your breakup recent? I’m here if you want to talk about it?”

Yeonjun shakes his head, shooting the other a relaxed grin. “Nah, it was months ago. Before you even entered university.”

Having this conversation is making him think back on their time together and how he ran into Minhyuck at a shopping mall, with his arms around a girl, kissing her cheek. The more he thinks about it, the more his blood boils.

“And he was the one who asked me out! Can you believe it?” Yeonjun huffs, sitting up straighter.

When Soobin’s face darkens at his story, Yeonjun rushes to reassure him,  “Don’t worry, I wasn’t that heartbroken. I was more humiliated and angry. But then around that time, you sent me a message telling me you got into this university and we started hanging out more. That really helped take my mind off things.”

The scowl on Soobin’s face doesn’t go away. If anything, he’s glaring harder at his clenched fists on his lap.

“It’s okay , Soobinnie!” Yeonjun chuckles brightly, patting the other’s head. “It’s all in the past.”

Soobin looks at him frustratedly, like he wants to do something about it. Yeonjun just gives him an affectionate smile, hoping to convey how unbothered he is by the matter. Really, Yeonjun is glad that Soobin is angry on his behalf, but he doesn’t want the other to go confronting Minhyuck again like at the party.

With a sigh, Soobin’s expression softens, and his fists unclench slowly. Just when Yeonjun thinks that’s the end of it, Soobin’s right hand raises to cup Yeonjun’s cheek and Yeonjun’s brain sputters to a stop.

This is oddly intimate, he thinks at the back of his mind, staring at the other like a deer in headlights.

“How could anyone ever cheat on you?” Soobin says softly, thumb grazing lightly over Yeonjun’s cheekbone. His stare never leaves Yeonjun, expression unreadable. The intensity of it makes Yeonjun want to shrivel and hide.

The touch lasts at most two seconds, but Yeonjun’s face is burning when Soobin finally lowers his hand. Struggling to maintain the conversation, he plays it cool, shrugging indifferently. “He didn’t think I was good enough, as usual.”

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say because Soobin's eyebrows quickly furrow once again. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, you know,” Yeonjun says airily, slowly regretting opening this can of worms, “lots of people want to date me because I seem so cool and all. Then they get disappointed when they get to know me.”

“That makes absolutely no sense,” Soobin counters, sounding almost snappish.

“You know how annoying I am,” Yeonjun says wryly, rubbing at the spot between Soobin’s eyebrows to try and ease the frown off his face. Such a cute face shouldn’t have such an unhappy expression.

“I’m whiny, clingy and dramatic. I say dad jokes. I’m a glutton,” he lists off casually. With every word out of his mouth, Soobin’s expression grows more stormy. It makes him look like an angry bunny.

Yeonjun bursts into laughter. “It’s really alright, Soobin.” 

Ever since middle school, countless people had broken up with him. And the number one reason was: You’re kind of different from what I thought. Evidently they had fallen for whatever image of him they had built in their minds. Frankly, it bothered him at the start, but now Yeonjun doesn’t let it get to him. He has resigned himself to the fact that it’s just one of those problems that comes with being so devilishly handsome.

“Did you know I joined the student council because of you?” Soobin says suddenly. “Back in freshman year of high school, you were helping out with the orientation. I thought you were a really cool senior and wanted to be like you. For the first time, I stepped out of my comfort zone.”

Yeonjun blinks in surprise. He didn’t know that.

“And you were the best mentor I could possibly ask for,” Soobin continues. “You didn’t laugh when I stuttered or turned red. You didn’t get mad when I spoke too quietly. You were patient and always stood up for me.”

Oh. Wow. The praise is making Yeonjun blush. Soobin is painting him out to be like some sort of saint, which he most definitely isn't.

“Your exes totally suck. Sure, you’re really good looking and cool on the outside, but when we became closer, you were all these other things too!” Soobin insists. “Those traits you just mentioned? They’re cute! But more importantly, you’re also funny and confident and kind.” 

“It’s what made me f-” he cuts off abruptly, glancing to the side, cheeks slightly pink. Yeonjun cocks his head curiously. Made him what?

“Made me look up to you,” Soobin answers finally after a moment’s pause.

Mind reeling from the onslaught of praises, Yeonjun closes his mouth when he realises it’s been hanging slightly open for a while. It wasn’t even a serious matter to begin with but Soobin is being uncharacteristically earnest. How does one respond in this situation? Yeonjun was always bad at receiving compliments.

The silence drags on until the embarrassment seems to start creeping up on Soobin. Shit, Yeonjun should probably say something.

“You think I’m funny?” Is what he comes up with.

“That’s what you got from the whole speech?” Soobin groans. The spell breaks as they both laugh.

Yeonjun scoots closer to the other teasingly and simpers. “All those times you sighed at my jokes…, you secretly liked them, didn’t you?”

“What have I done?” Soobin moans to himself, horrified.

“All you had to do was ask, Soobin,” Yeojun gloats smugly, swinging an arm around the other’s shoulder obnoxiously. “I’ve got loads more from where they came from.” 

“Nope. I’m leaving. Goodbye,” Soobin says, actually scrambling to his feet. Yeonjun cackles loudly at his leaving back, heart warm and fuzzy. He honestly hadn’t cared that much before, but hearing Soobin say all that, it makes him want to do something stupid like skip all the way to his next class.

Ah, crap. Now he’s even more confused.

Much to the exasperation of Changbin and Wooyoung, Yeonjun isn’t able to give them an answer when they confront him about the Soobin matter.

A few weeks go by, and then Yeonjun doesn’t have the luxury to dwell on this matter anymore because midterms start drawing nearer. Diving deep into revision mode, his days are spent mostly in the library, some with Soobin, others with his two friends, trying to absorb as much information as he can. Exams come and go. Yeonjun’s eyebags grow longer and longer with each passing day. Too preoccupied with his studies, the whole feelings for Soobin issue hardly comes up in his mind again.

On the last night of revision, a knock on Yeonjun’s door breaks him out of his concentration. He finds said junior on the other side of the door, all smiles. Pushing his metal-rimmed spectacles up his nose, Yeonjun appraises him in displeasure.

“Did you come here to gloat?” he grumbles, opening the door and stepping to the side to let Soobin through. Soobin had finished his midterms days ago, much to his chagrin. Yeonjun, on the other hand, has one final exam left to go tomorrow.

“I brought food,” Soobin says, raising a white plastic bag of take-out to the side of his head. “You haven’t been eating your meals properly, have you?”

Yeonjun’s stomach responds for him, choosing that moment to growl audibly. He is just now reminded of the fact that he had skipped dinner.

Nine o’clock in the night is definitely late for dinner, but Yeonjun doesn’t complain now that his hunger is made apparent. He pulls out his folding table and waits while Soobin lays down the food. The aroma of meat wafts into the air temptingly as he opens up the styrofoam containers.

Yeonjun wastes no time digging in, cramming his mouth full with vegetables and pork belly. Soobin quietly moves more meat atop of Yeonjun’s rice with his chopsticks, watching how Yeonjun’s eyes are glued to his cue cards in his hand whilst eating.

“You should take a break, hyung,” he says after a while, long fingers coming up to wrap around Yeonjun’s wrist to gently lower the hand holding the notes.

“Sorry,” Yeonjun apologises tiredly, putting the cards down. “Tomorrow’s subject is a hard one.”

“You worked hard. I’m sure you’ll do well, hyung.”

“That makes one of us,” Yeonjun mumbles through a mouthful of food. “I just can’t wait for it to be over.”

“How about we do something tomorrow after your exam?” Soobin suggests. “Let’s go bowling or something to celebrate.”

Ignoring the tiny voice in his head calling it a date, Yeonjun agrees, because it does sound fun. So what? Two friends could bowl together without it being a date.

The food is wolfed down pretty quickly as they continue to chat. After all the containers have been cleared, Yeonjun goes back to studying at his desk while Soobin clears the table. He tried to help but Soobin insisted he’ll take care of the cleaning, and who is Yeonjun to say no.

When the rustling quietens down, he sees Soobin sit on his bed from the corner of his eyes and turns to face him.

“You’re not going back?” he asks.

Soobin shakes his head. “Thought I’d keep you company. But I can go if you want?”

“No, it’s fine. It’s just going to be boring,” Yeonjun says, his focus returning to his notes.

Soobin seems perfectly content to just be there with Yeonjun. The only sounds in the air are their breathing and the scratching of pencil against paper. Yeonjun must admit, the sense of solidarity is nice. He doesn’t feel so alone studying in the middle of the night. 

He glances to his side every now and then just to check up on the younger, but Soobin continues to lie on the bed, scrolling through his phone without complaining, making Yeonjun smile to himself.

An hour and a half goes by and Yeonjun starts to feel sleepy. Having just filled his stomach with food is making him floaty and his eyelids heavy. He only has half a chapter to go, so he supposes he could take a short break. Taking off his glasses, he rests his head in his arms on the table, eyes closing pliantly. He’ll just relax for five minutes.

Surprise, surprise. Yeonjun falls asleep.

He only realises this when he is roughly awoken by an alarm. Jerking upright, Yeonjun hurriedly turns off the blaring sound from his phone, seeing that it’s two in the morning. That’s strange, he doesn’t remember setting an alarm. The blanket around his shoulders slides off onto the floor as he stretches lazily. He pauses halfway into a yawn, blinking owlishly at the piece of cloth pooling around his chair in confusion, before looking around the room for some sort of explanation. 

The few hours of nap definitely made him more refreshed, he notes belatedly. Soobin is no longer here (he would be surprised if he was) and there’s a small bottle of banana milk and a chocolate bar on his desk that weren’t there before. Still puzzled, Yeonjun nimbly plucks off the small note attached to the drink.

‘Sorry for not waking you up! You looked so tired I thought I’d let you sleep for a few hours. Don’t push yourself too hard!’

Butterflies are flapping maniacally in his stomach as Yeonjun re-reads the note in Soobin’s handwriting, staring at the cute emoji with pumped fists drawn at the end and feels his heart swell enormously.

Oh. 

He gets it now.

“I’m so screwed.” Is the first thing Yeonjun laments as he sinks into the seat next to Wooyoung and Changbin in their usual cafe.

“Yeah, I think I flunked too,” Wooyoung answers apathetically.

“What? No, I aced the exam. I’m talking about Soobin.”

Both his friends perk up at the news. Yeonjun waits till he has their rapt attention before taking in a deep breath and confesses, “I like him.”

Their reactions are instantaneous. Wooyoung stands up at once, knocking his chair back, whooping shrilly. Changbin gives an exasperated smile, slow clapping as he groans, “Finally.”

After a few stink eyes from the other customers, Wooyoung sits back down, eagerly addressing Yeonjun, “Now you can confess and all the painful pining can stop.”

“I can’t.”

“What now?” Wooyoung scowls.

“Are you sure he even likes me back?” Yeonjun whines petulantly, slumping over the coffee table.

Rolling his eyes so hard Yeonjun is half-worried they’re going to pop out, Changbin groans and rubs at the spot between his eyebrows. “Not this again.”

“Oh, like you two are soo good at relationships,” Yeonjun bursts out, crossing his arms. “How can I believe what you say?”

Wooyoung scoffs incredulously, “Please. That boy is so obvious with his heart eyes, it was honestly giving me cavities. No one could miss it. Except you, apparently.”

“Surely you must notice how sweet he is to you,” Changbin says frustratedly, borderline pleading.

“But he’s sweet to everyone,” Yeonjun mutters dejectedly.

“Uh, that’s literally not true. It’s different when it’s you, to the point of making us feel like the third and fourth wheel,” Wooyoung cuts in.

“The way he looks at you and the things he does for you? You don’t just do that to anyone unless you like them,” Changbin adds.

Yeonjun stares back and forth between the other two suspiciously, gaze roving over their extremely serious expressions.

“Okay, let’s say he likes me too,” he relents. “What if one day we break up? What’s going to happen to our friendship?” 

The question sounds stupid when he says it out loud but it’s too late to take it back. Yeonjun is surprisingly inexperienced when it comes to this matter. He’s never had a friend become a lover before, having always gotten to know the person through dates. The thought of never speaking to Soobin again after a breakup scares him more than he’d like to admit.

Wooyoung and Changbin don’t laugh at his rare display of vulnerability, and instead ponder over his question silently.

After a slight hesitation, Wooyoung says, “But you both like each other-”

“Allegedly.”

“Do you really want to just do nothing about it?”

Yeonjun casts his eyes downwards, heart heavy. No, not at all. He wants to go on dates with Soobin and hold his hand. He wants to cuddle with him in bed just before going to sleep and kiss him whenever he feels like it. He wants to shower Soobin with as much love as the other has been showing him.

“You’ll regret it if you don’t give it a try,” Changbin adds not unkindly. “It could be the best thing to happen to you.”

Yeonjun lets out a deep sigh. “I don’t know what to do. And I have plans with Soobin later. How do I act around him?”

Speak of the devil, the doorbell to the cafe chimes as the door swings open to reveal Soobin. Spotting them, he comes over to sit at their table, all smiley and cute.

“Hi, guys! How was your exam, hyung?”

Not saying anything, Yeonjun pouts miserably at the other. Technically, this is all Soobin’s fault.

The smile slowly slides off Soobin’s face as he looks to Changbin and Wooyoung questioningly. The latter steps up to Yeonjun’s defense.

“Don’t be fooled by that face. He aced his exam.”

“Oh. Then ... should we go?” Soobin directs the question to Yeonjun, not looking totally convinced. Yeonjun might as well. There’s no use sulking anyways, so he stands up to leave but is stopped by a hand placed over his.

“You got this. Don’t think too much,” Wooyoung implores, both hands encasing Yeonjun’s, sounding like he’s sending his son off to war.

“Follow your heart,” Changbin adds, thumping his hand over his chest twice. The embarrassment is what finally kicks Yeonjun into motion as he tugs his hand free, and pulls a befuddled Soobin out.

Meeting Soobin so soon after his revelation probably isn’t a good idea. Yeonjun remains uncharacteristically silent as they walk across the campus grounds, letting Soobin do most of the talking, until even Soobin notices something is off.

“Are you alright, hyung?” Soobin asks, bending his head to look closely at Yeonjun’s face, eyes round in worry. Blushing, Yeonjun quickly turns his gaze to the side. He’s definitely not making this easy for him.

“I’m fine,” he coughs abashedly.

“Was it your midterms after all?” Soobin asks carefully.

Yeonjun shakes his head. “Just tired mentally, I guess.”

Biting his lips, Soobin contemplates for a moment, before making a suggestion. “How about we forget bowling and just chill at my place?”

Yeonjun doesn’t have the right energy for bowling now anyway, so he nods in agreement. That’s how he finds himself sitting awkwardly at the table while Soobin fumbles around in the kitchen after insisting that Yeonjun should relax.

After the third crash of something falling, Yeonjun can’t take it anymore. Shooing Soobin to the side, he takes the reins.

“Is this all you have?” he says warily, eyeing the sad pile of ingredients laid out on the kitchen counter.

“I wasn’t expecting guests,” Soobin retorts defensively.

“Have you been eating properly?” Yeonjun asks, handing the other a second chopping board to cut a few measly mushrooms.

“Of course! Don’t worry, my roommate usually cooks. It’s just now that he’s gone home for spring break, I’ve been eating out more than usual,” Soobin says, shrugging nonchalantly.

Yeonjun stops chopping the garlic to raise his head and glare at the other. “That’s not good. You’re a growing boy.”

“Stop treating me like a child,” Soobin huffs exasperatedly, focused on the task of cutting vegetables.

Yeonjun looks away from him quickly, not wanting to respond to that. If only Soobin knew how wrong he was. Maybe Yeonjun had once upon a time viewed him as some sort of baby duckling that needed to be guided and taken care of. But that is proving harder and harder to do these days, with how much Soobin has grown up and how often Yeonjun is imagining what dating the other would be like.

The sounds of knives against the chopping board fill the room as Yeonjun racks his brain for a conversation topic. He needs to get his act together before Soobin figures out why he’s been acting so weird.

“So… how’s life?” Yeonjun rambles aimlessly. “You interested in anybody?”

Someone should really just sew his lips shut. Why on earth did he ask that?

“No, not really,” Soobin replies distractedly, still concentrating on the task at hand. Yeonjun hums with a forced casualness, trying not to read into Soobin’s every remark. Was Soobin being honest or did he just become better at lying?

“...You?” Soobin asks after a moment’s pause, finally looking up at Yeonjun. This time, it’s Yeonjun who refuses to meet his gaze.

“Same,” he says lamely, scratching at the itch in his eye.

A bad decision, considering he’s been handling chilli peppers. The burn hits almost immediately, making him gasp loudly.

“Shit, shit, shit, that burns,” Yeonjun curses, squeezing his left eye shut in pain.

“What? What's wrong?”

“I got chilli in my eye!” he wails, pacing around in circles.

“Well, rinse it out!” He hears Soobin say and feels two hands on his shoulders, guiding him to the sink.

Sticking his head under the tap, he lets the cool water run over his eye, cursing the universe for letting this happen. Why does he have to make a fool of himself around Soobin of all people?

After a minute or two, he thankfully gets a little relief and straightens back up, his entire face wet. The slight burn that lingers is making him tear up, so he continues standing there with his head lowered, letting the tears wash the rest of the pain away, hoping that in the meantime, the ground will open up and swallow him whole.

“Are you okay, hyung?” Soobin asks from behind him.

Slowly blinking his eyes and testing them out, Yeonjun chuckles dryly, “I’m so stupid.”

“What’s new?” Soobin snorts, turning Yeonjun around by the shoulders to face him. “Here, let me see.”

“Brat,” Yeonjun mutters half-heartedly, blinking the tears away as his vision refocuses bit by bit.

He wishes it didn’t, because he comes to the startling realisation that their faces are just inches away. Soobin is holding onto one side of his head with his hand, bending down slightly to stare at Yeonjun unblinkingly.

“It’s slightly red, but doesn’t look too bad,” Soobin concludes after a few long seconds of observing. “How do you feel?”

Having Soobin this near is making his brain malfunction. Words don’t come to him as he stares up at the other, mouth slightly agape, completely forgetting about the pain. Not getting a response, Soobin stops examining Yeonjun’s red eye and shifts his gaze over to the rest of Yeonjun’s face, pausing when he seems to only then realise their proximity.

Neither of them utter a word as they continue to stare at each other in shock. Yeonjun wants to back away but the hardness of the kitchen counter digging into his lower back reminds him that he’s trapped. And it doesn’t seem like Soobin is planning on moving away anytime soon.

The air between them is stretched thin as the seconds tick on. Yeonjun forgets to breathe, fearing that the sound of his rapid heartbeat would give him away. They're so close ... how easy would it be to just lean forward and kiss him?

Soobin takes in a shuddering breath, and then his gaze drops to his lips. Before Yeonjun can have a full blown heart attack, Soobin releases the hand that’s been grasping onto Yeonjun’s face. Instead, he raises his other hand holding a towel.

“Your shirt is going to get wet, hyung,” he comments calmly, dabbing at the water droplets on Yeonjun’s chin and neck.

Oh. Yeonjun blinks quickly, willing his face to not turn red. Did he imagine that? Placing a hand over Soobin’s chest, Yeonjun gently pushes the other away to create some distance.

“Thanks,” he says quietly, taking the towel and busying himself with wiping his face dry. Soobin shuffles back to his cutting board, looking much more composed than Yeonjun.

Thankfully, after an initial awkwardness, mostly on Yeonjun’s part, conversation returns naturally and dinner passes by without any weirdness. Yeonjun thinks he does a pretty decent job of acting normally and not betraying the chaos going on in his heart.

Two hours later, they're squeezed onto Soobin’s bed under the blanket, their backs propped up by a multitude of pillows against the headboard. Sides pressed flushed together, Yeonjun can feel the heat emanating from Soobin’s body, as they watch some movie playing on Soobin’s laptop currently balancing on their laps.

In hindsight, whatever that was in the kitchen, was a clear sign Yeonjun should have just gone home right away. He hopes Soobin doesn’t notice how Yeonjun isn’t paying attention to the movie at all. He doesn’t even have an inkling on what it’s about. His state of mind is currently in tatters, too busy thinking about everything at once.

Like how Yeonjun seemed to be the only one affected by what happened earlier. Or how Soobin seemed to be telling the truth about not liking anyone. Or how Yeonjun could potentially ruin four years of friendship if he makes a wrong move. The conversation from earlier in the cafe enters his mind. Yeonjun sighs quietly. His friends were probably right. Overthinking things isn’t like him. Maybe he should start listening to his gut.

Turning his head to his left, he lets his gaze trail over Soobin’s face. They had dimmed the lights earlier, leaving only the warm glow of the lamp on. Yeonjun observes, almost mesmerised, at how the orange-yellow light falls over his face, illuminating his soft features. Soobin is fixated on the screen, and Yeonjun takes the time to note how long his eyelashes are, before lowering his eyes onto Soobin’s lips.

Feeling his gaze on him, Soobin turns his head towards Yeonjun, unintentionally bringing their faces close together, and watches him questioningly with doe-eyes. Yeonjun doesn’t bother to hide his staring, not when he knows his answer already, and flits his gaze back up with renewed confidence.

“Kiss me,” Yeonjun whispers, staring straight into Soobin’s eyes.

Soobin freezes for the briefest of moments, only made obvious by the tiniest widening of his eyes, before surging forward to capture Yeonjun’s lips as if he’s been waiting his whole life to do it.

Turning his body towards Yeonjun, Soobin lifts a hand to cradle Yeonjun’s right cheek, the fingertips resting along Yeonjun’s neck searing into his skin. Soft lips are pressed against his, the urgency of it forcing his head to sink further back into the pillow. Yeonjun responds just as eagerly, heat pooling in his chest from the intensity of it all.

Planting his other palm down onto the bed for support, Soobin props his body further up to lean over Yeonjun, and the laptop slides off their laps and crashes onto the floor but he doesn’t seem to care, not with how hungrily he is kissing Yeonjun. Yeonjun hardly even notices the fallen device, too busy revelling at the way Soobin licks and tugs at his bottom lip. 

Time seems to slow down as the air around them becomes charged with electricity, making his toes curl. The hand, previously holding his cheek, slides down lower as Soobin hooks two fingers under Yeonjun’s chin, tilting his head back, and Yeonjun parts his lips.

Shudders run down his spine as Soobin slides his tongue in, exploring his mouth sensually, leaving Yeonjun lightheaded. Unconsciously, his hand comes up to cling at the other's sleeve, fingers digging into Soobin’s forearm as their tongues swirl together intoxicatingly.

They break apart moments later when oxygen starts running out, both panting slightly. Yeonjun swipes his tongue across his lips numbly as he catches his breath, trying to clear his head. Wow, that was… wow…

After a few seconds of neither of them talking, Yeonjun looks over to find Soobin watching him with flushed cheeks, unable to hide the apprehension on his face as he waits for him to speak.

“I really like you,” Yeonjun says simply. “And I’m hoping you like me too.”

The reaction is not quite what he expected. Soobin flops back onto his back against the pillows, swiping a hand over his face as he groans, “Are you crazy, hyung?”

Despite the fact that they just made out, the sliver of doubt begins trickling in Yeonjun’s head. He knew it. Soobin didn’t like him. He is so going to rub this in Wooyoung and Changbin’s faces. After maybe crying his eyes out.

Soobin looks back at him, eyes twinkling and Yeonjun stops spiralling just like that.

“Of course I like you,” Soobin huffs, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. “I’ve always liked you. I like you so much I think I’m going to burst.”

“Oh,” Yeonjun says dumbly, flushing. Heart swelling up like a balloon, he doesn’t hold himself back as he leans over to give the other a chaste kiss, their noses brushing.

Soobin’s jerks forward when Yeonjun pulls back, chasing after his lips, but Yeonjun just sits back, giggling giddily. Arms come up to wrap around Yeonjun, yanking him down to lay on top of Soobin with an oof.

“I can’t believe this is real,” Soobin murmurs, burrowing his head into Yeonjun’s shoulder, voice muffled against his shirt. “I’ve been dreaming about this day since high school.”

Yeonjun pushes himself up onto his palms, watching Soobin lying underneath him fondly. His cheeks hurt from smiling so much. Soobin can’t seem to stop grinning either as he gazes at Yeonjun in wonderment, his fingers tracing along Yeonjun’s eyebrow and down his cheek with a featherlight touch.

“I’m going to make you so happy, hyung,” Soobin breathes out, making Yeonjun’s heart do somersaults.

He can’t believe he was doubting this. All of his earlier worries vanish instantly. Being here with Soobin, it just feels so perfect, Yeonjun knows it’s going to be alright.