Chapter Text
The general of the southeast, Nan Yang, stepped over and between the three trussed-up deputy officials in their black and blue robes.
He was impressed. More than anything, Feng Xin was confused, but he was impressed, too. It took a lot of guts to attack him.
Mu Qing! Where the fuck are you?
Three of Mu Qing's disciples—his top three disciples actually—had snuck into his palace at night and attacked him where he slept. Tried to kill him. They'd had a little plan with talismans and seals and stuff, a whole complicated plot.
Mu Qing, seriously, what the fuck is going on? Are you asleep?
He wasn't answering.
Weren't they past this? Things had been going so well! And now this nonsense?!
Mu Qing’s three deputies weren't talking, either, just glaring and cursing at him like outraged cats.
“Get fucked, my Lord!”
“Fuck you, General, sir!”
What was he supposed to do?
He dropped his hand from his temple, realizing the furious deputy officials and the silence in his and Mu Qing's communication array might be connected.
“...did something happen to General Xuan Zhen?"
Three days ago:
“He's really different...” said Feng Xin, returning Mu Qing’s nervous little wave of greeting from the balcony with a real one.
“I'll be right down!” Mu Qing called down to them with an awkward but honest smile. “I have to do a couple things, just wait!”
Xie Lian smiled a little sadly. “He was always this way, I guess. Underneath. He just needed a little room.”
Feng Xin felt a plunge of regret. Looking back now, all the misunderstandings were obvious. If you didn't think Mu Qing was a little asshole then everything looked different.
“Idiot,” mumbled Feng Xin. “If we didn't like him, would we have taken him along all the time?” But he knew why he thought that way now. Mu Qing thought Xie Lian only had him around out of pity, wanting to show off how charitable he was. It was both maddening and heartbreaking at the same time. It was equal parts “how could he think that” and “of course he thought that”.
But now that the air was cleared, after eight-hundred years, Mu Qing was so easy to get along with. They'd been fine enough growing up but now it was like a Mu Qing translator had unlocked. Where before Feng Xin would have tension headaches thinking about Xie Lian or Mu Qing, now he never felt stronger than when they were together. Even just one of them was invigorating, but two and it felt... incredible. Xie Lian had noticed too, thinking maybe a bit of qi had been blocked between them. Just like he and Hua Cheng were a powerful pair, it seemed the three of them were a heavenly trio.
They were going to play cuju* today. They'd gone hunting the day before. Hua Cheng had been a little fussy about it at first, not wanting to share, but Xie Lian was so obviously happy he about-faced, and now did everything to support them.
Like setting up a cuju field for a bunch of Heavenly Officials and Ghosts to play in.
Mu Qing was plainly still nervous, afraid of ruining it, breaking them apart. And now that they knew what his reactions were (again, so obvious!), they could be quick to reassure, to communicate, apologize.
Now when Feng Xin saw his fingers fidgeting and pulling on each other he could grip his shoulder, smile at him. And the reward was breathtaking. Mu Qing’s eyes would light up and the tension would melt. And he smiled. The look of relief broke Feng Xin’s heart. How easy it could have been...
It was him and Mu Qing more than all three of them, just due to Xie Lian’s marriage situation. And it worked. It was incredible not to need his Highness to mediate.
“Um. I won't be in tonight,” Mu Qing told Feng Xin in between rounds. That was kind of cute. He was trying to make conversation. The other general was fiddling with the ends of his long ponytail. Had he always done that?
The two of them sat in one of the red pavilions that looked over the pitch watching other Heavenly Officials yell and argue with the ghost referee. Deputy Cangshui was taking this really seriously in particular with a lot of pointing and yelling. Cangshui, according to gossip, could be the next Lightning Master. The previous one had been lost in the mess with Hua Cheng and the 33 Officials, and only a few months ago had they finally gotten a new contender.
Losing the Water, Wind, and Earth Masters in one go had been rough, and everyone felt like something might happen to the young Cangshui if he finally took the role. The positions seemed cursed. That didn’t make sense as the Rain Master was fine, but they were gods so of course everyone was superstitious about it.
Hua Cheng had really gone all out. Aside from the generous pavilions stocked with cooled drinks and treats, he'd surrounded the entire place with seating in case they wanted an audience and provided a team of ghosts to play against or fill in spots. Ghosts were lighter than living people so they had certain advantages, it wasn’t easy.
“Oh yeah? Where are you going?”
“Oh um, just that lightning spirit again.”
Again? Had they talked about that before? Shit, he didn't remember at all...! He was going to get mad if it seemed like he hadn’t been paying attention.
“Do you want help with it?”
“No, it's not a big deal. It’s not hard, just tedious. But, um, thanks,” he mumbled. He was already flushed from the game but his white cheeks pinked even more now.
Feng Xin’s heart squeezed the way it did when he saw a puppy. This feeling wasn’t just guilt, was it?
Growing up, lots of girls had thought Mu Qing was handsome, but he’d turned them down (which had just made them crazier). Even after ascending, he broke goddesses’ hearts. It was that icy, aloofness. The ‘forbidden fruit’ thing added to it, too. Mu Qing had the same cultivation path as his Highness, which meant no sexy business even if he wanted to.
So Feng Xin knew, theoretically, that Mu Qing was attractive. But it was like knowing your aunt was pretty. Just something you filed under their description, nothing to do with you.
But right now, this second, Mu Qing was being...a different kind of attractive. It wasn’t like his face had changed, what was the difference?
“What is it?” Mu Qing asked, instantly nervous again and Feng Xin realized he’d been staring at him.
“No, nothing bad,” Feng Xin said hurriedly, smiling. He reached over and grasped the other’s face, making his lips pooch out. Later he would realize that this action, in the past, would have gotten him murdered on the spot, but now Mu Qing just went still. Feng Xin pooched his lips too as he spoke. “I was just thinking how cute you are,” he laughed. “Look at that face!”
He released him, but Mu Qing stared at him with wide eyes.
Feng Xin continued. “You would have been swarmed even harder if we’d figured this mess out eight-hundred years ago. Cute little QingQing.” He sat back. “Do you ever think about that? If you hadn’t...you know, gone down that cultivation path? Getting married or something?”
Mu Qing swallowed visibly. Feng Xin felt like he’d said something bad, maybe?
“Sorry, was that...wrong to say?” he offered. This was basically a mantra for dealing with Mu Qing now.
“No. Um,” Mu Qing’s thin fingers touched his cheeks where Feng Xin had grabbed him.
“Did that hurt?” Feng Xin asked, alarmed.
“No! No,” Mu Qing insisted. “I think about it. Sometimes. But it’s sort of like...there’s nothing there. I guess.”
“Nothing there?”
Looking away, Mu Qing took down his hair and then started to put it up again, wrapping it more, working it into a bun with those quick fingers. “There’s no one to imagine,” he said in a breath. “There wasn’t a Jian Lan or anyone. You didn’t feel a strain, right? Until you met her?”
Feng Xin nodded, thinking back. It was true. There’d never been anything pulling him from his Highness before then. Without a plain example of this is what you could have, there wasn’t anything to think of. He guessed he was the same kind of person.
“Yeah so...if I pictured marriage, there was no depth or detail to the concept. When I think about not going down this path, I think I would have been a scholar or something. I used to think about the alternative occupations, not who I’d be with...” his voice trailed off and Feng Xin followed his line of sight. Hua Cheng was holding his Highness by the waist, trying to get him to drink something and making a joke about it.
“It must not matter if it’s a guy,” Feng Xin said.
“What?”
Feng Xin jerked his chin at the pair. “His Highness has the same cultivation method as you. But he’s stronger than ever.” He still hadn’t figured out how that worked but now he thought it must have something to do with Hua Cheng being a guy. “Or maybe because he’s a ghost...”
When he glanced back, Mu Qing was staring at him. “Are you really that dumb...”
Somehow getting insulted was just funny now. “Fuck off,” he laughed. “What? You know what’s happening? Tell me.”
Mu Qing explained, both of them red by the end of it.
It really wasn’t okay if it was a guy or ghost. Xie Lian’s cultivation was completely wrecked! It was just that Hua Cheng was stuffing him full of spiritual powers. While...stuffing him the other way.
“Well!” Feng Xin said loudly, trying to recover his soul. “Then! So you could? I guess? As long as the other person was a Heavenly Official?” He tried to make it all sound academic.
“Hua Cheng’s a limitless monster,” Mu Qing said, making an illegible face. “A Heavenly Official would be ruined by giving someone else that much power. No one would do that.”
Feng Xin lifted his brows, still watching Xie Lian and Hua Cheng. “Well...if you’re in love, it’s fine, right? Giving up anything is fine if you're in love.”
Mu Qing finished with his hair, and Feng Xin grinned and touched the exposed length of skin on the back of his neck.
Mu Qing jerked, scarlet now. “What are you doing?!” It wasn't a yell, it was a breathless whisper.
“The nape of your neck, I haven't seen it in a million years. I was just thinking ‘this is the southwest general's most forbidden territory’.”
Mu Qing hesitated and Feng Xin thought he'd better say ‘sorry’ for whatever it was but suddenly he bent his head.
He's letting me see it...
He hadn't meant ‘give it here’ by saying all of that, but he wasn't going to miss the opportunity.
It was really just like a woman's! He was smart enough not to say that. The sheen of sweat was making the skin prettier somehow, like an afterglow. He touched with the side of his finger and got a tremor out of the other that he thought signaled an explosion and immediately stopped. The tremor stopped too, and in profile he could see Mu Qing let out a tiny choked gasp.
“Did it tickle?” Feng Xin asked, not sure why he was whispering but it felt like he should?
“Y-yeah.” After admitting this, Mu Qing pressed his lips together resolutely like he was bearing an incredible pain.
“Oh! The forbidden territory!” said Xie Lian, head popping over the pavilion banister.
“Don't call it that!” Mu Qing said, sitting upright again.
His Highness was staring at it and though it looked like a nothing expression, Feng Xin could read it clearly: I wanted to touch it, too...
“You can touch mine,” Hua Cheng said teasingly, also able to read that face. “I keep telling you to be careful about touching things, your Highness.”
“No one is touching it!” Mu Qing bolted up and stomped off though who knew where he could even go.
Xie Lian watched him leave. “But Feng Xin already got to...”
—-
By the time Feng Xin came to his window again three nights after the Cuju game, Mu Qing was vibrating with anticipation. For some time now, Feng Xin came by most nights to play games or bring him treats or just talk. He didn’t even know what they talked about most of the time, it was a blur. Afterward, all he had was a sunburned, sensitive feeling in his chest, something that needed a salve that only being around Feng Xin provided.
And every night it was...more.
Last time, Feng Xin would graze his bare wrist with the side of his finger, catching his eyes.
What would happen this time?
He didn't let himself think about what he wanted to happen, that was too dangerous.
Tonight Feng Xin brought him a bowl of lychees and a dice game and Mu Qing didn’t even get annoyed when he offered him booze. How many times did he have to be reminded he couldn’t drink? But Feng Xin being stupid and forgetful was...it was fine, really. Why had little things made him so mad before? Xie Lian was right. They were all such small things.
Between dice throws, their hands kept bumping when they went for the bowl, the contact electric, making his heart leap every time.
And then somehow...Feng Xin was pressing a wet lychee to his lips and Mu Qing froze.
After what felt like centuries, he parted his lips to accept it, leaving one of Feng Xin’s fingers resting lightly between them, their eyes locked. Feng Xin’s fingertip traced over Mu Qing’s lips, his cheeks, trailing juice as Mu Qing mindlessly ate the fruit.
“You’re getting my face messy,” Mu Qing heard himself say vapidly.
Feng Xin smiled and pressed that worn finger past his lips. Wouldn’t Mu Qing lick his fingers clean, then?
The question shook something in Mu Qing, shook it hard. Something precious and fragile.
He didn't even know how to lick fingers in a sexy way he thought frantically but then fingers became lips and tongue and Mu Qing felt so warm and relaxed. For a moment he was not afraid, not panicking.
Falling asleep and drowning in a bath, he thought for some reason.
Everything was so blurry but his awareness sharpened when he felt Feng Xin’s hands on his thighs rubbing them up and down. One grabbed his ass, kneading.
“I...I can’t,” Mu Qing said. “Please don’t ask me. I can’t.”
One of Feng Xin’s hands was in his robes as he assured him it was okay. He called him A-Qing as he pet a nipple.
Something in him screamed to scramble away but instead tears slid from Mu Qing’s heavy lashes. “I can’t. I’ll lose everything.”
No, he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t lose Feng Xin. He’d take care of him. They’d be like Xie Lian and Hua Cheng. Just the same.
“They’re...they’re different. They’re...they’re meant for each other,” Mu Qing’s chest hurt so much.
Weren’t they? asked Feng Xin.
“You...you feel that way about me?”
Of course. Couldn’t he tell?
“I...I didn't know...” Mu Qing said, apologetic. “When...when did you...?”
Forever. Since always.
“You...but you never...” Mu Qing racked his brain. Had there ever been an indication? A suggestion of that? It was so hard to think when he was being pressed down on.
Feng Xin kissed his hands, into sensitive palms, coaxing.
“I can’t,” Mu Qing said again, more scared than he’d ever been in his life. Something was terrifying about this but he couldn't understand what.
Feng Xin looked hurt and Mu Qing wanted to die. Mu Qing didn’t like him?
“No! No, I do, I just...can’t we not...do we have to?” Couldn’t they just be a couple? He grasped for anything that would let him protect that tender thing shaking in him.
Mu Qing didn’t find him attractive? Feng Xin looked devastated. He understood, Mu Qing was just playing with his feelings. He didn't feel the same.
He shook his head. “No! No, I do. I’m sorry I’m having a hard time saying it. It’s so...it’s so hot in here. I’m just, I’m not good at this. I'm sorry, Feng Xin, please. Don’t go. I’m sorry,” he babbled. “I'm sorry.”
Then they could sleep together? He could have him? He wanted him. Feng Xin was dying to have him, to feel him. He'd been dreaming about him. He told him how when he tried to sleep, his fingers would find their way between his thighs and touch. And he always thought of Mu Qing. Always.
The god of the southwest trembled, feeling that thing inside him, like the most thin, delicate chain of gold, quake as Feng Xin pulled his robes down his shoulders, leaving kisses that burned his nerves.
Didn't this feel good?
“Yes, but—” Mu Qing struggled to put it into words. He didn't want to have to rely on someone else that way. He'd worked so hard. But that sounded so selfish and petty and cold, he knew it sounded that way. If he was a good person, if he was like his Highness, he wouldn't feel conflicted at all.
It was okay, Feng Xin assured him over and over. It was alright, he said as he kissed his wrist. Feng Xin wanted him. Wouldn't Mu Qing let him have him? Let him have everything?
Since they were meant for each other.
Mu Qing touched his fist to his mouth, staring up at his bedroom ceiling.
He nodded.
He said yes.
He didn't remember anything but sobbing through it all.