Work Text:
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]
Subject: THIS AMC GIRL
SHE IS SPARKLY AND DOES HUMOROUS PHOTOSTREAMS WITH PICTURES OF THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION SHE'S PRETTY PERFECT IF MY HEART WAS NOT ALREADY PLEDGED TO ANOTHER I'D TURN ON THE CHARM IN THE MEANTIME I SAY WE HOOK HER UP WITH RACHEL WHO'S WITH ME
Stephen with a ph
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: THIS AMC GIRL
The last thing Rachel needs is your help getting a date, Colbert. She is perfectly capable of picking out her own company and it is absurd of you to think otherwise. That you and Stewart come as a set is the only explanation I can find for your continued presence in my life.
K. Olbermann
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: THIS AMC GIRL
WHATEVER KO I SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER THAN TO ENLIST YOU IN AN AFFAIR OF THE HEART CONSIDERING YOU DON'T HAVE ONE
Stephen with a ph
ps don't be fooled by my hate you are good with the baseball and the liberal rage so bonus points
pps and jon and i don't come as a set but if we did i'd be the salt and he'd totally be the pepper because he's ~*~spicy~*~
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: THIS AMC GIRL
This is an automatic reply.
hey if you e-mailed me and are reading this message it means i'm not back from overseas yet. busy filming. i'll try to remember to get back to you when i get back but you may be better off waiting until i get back before telling me anything else.
ttyl
Anderson
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: THIS AMC GIRL
WHY ARE YOU NEVER IN THE STATES MAN SERIOUSLY YOUR DOG IS GOING TO FORGET YOU AND EVERYTHING THEN I CAN STEAL HER AND HAVE HER UNCONDITIONAL PUPPY LOVE FOR MYSELF
Stephen with a ph
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: THIS AMC GIRL
This is an automatic reply.
hey if you e-mailed me and are reading this message it means i'm not back from overseas yet. busy filming. i'll try to remember to get back to you when i get back but you may be better off waiting until i get back before telling me anything else.
ttyl
Anderson
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: THIS AMC GIRL
Stephen Rachel already knows Ana Marie, what are you talking about.
J-Stew
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: THIS AMC GIRL
DO NOT LET LOGIC GET IN THE WAY OF MY GRAND PLANS CLEARLY RACHEL IS JUST BEING TOO SLOW AND WE NEED TO HELP THINGS ALONG ARE YOU WITH ME OR ARE YOU AGAINST ME JON
Stephen with a ph
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: THIS AMC GIRL
Since when has Rachel ever been slow?
And I would so not be the pepper.
J-Stew
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: THIS AMC GIRL
WHAT THE HELL JON
WHAT
THE
HELL
ARE YOU TALKING TO KEITH ABOUT ME IN YOUR SPARE TIME WHAT WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TWO HANGING OUT DISCUSSING ME OF ALL THINGS i mean besides my intrinsic awesomeness
you would too be the pepper
spicy
Stephen with a ph
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: THIS AMC GIRL
You missed lunch. Rachel asked about you and Keith said you were out with a case of insanity.
Then he started cracking up when I tried to get him to pass me the salt and pepper for my food. I had to eat an unseasoned sandwich.
J-Stew
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: THIS AMC GIRL
D: WHY DIDN'T ANY OF YOU CALL ME I GOT SO WRAPPED UP I FORGOT TO EAT NOW I WILL WITHER AWAY INTO NOTHING
NOTHING
UNLESS I RESORT TO CANNIBALISM BUT THEY GOT MAD THE LAST TIME I STARTED MUNCHING ON THE INTERNS
I SUPPOSE I WILL HAVE TO COME UP WITH MY OWN WACKY SCHEME ALL BY MY LONESOME SELF
Stephen with a ph
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: THIS AMC GIRL
Good luck.
J-Stew
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: CAROUSING
SO EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT THE BEST NEWS ANCHORS IN THE CITY GO OUT FOR SOME DRINKS IT'S LIKE A SECRET CABAL ONLY WE DON'T ACTUALLY CONTROL ANYTHING BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, PRODUCERS AND SHIT
IT'S ME AND J-STEW WHO YOU HAVE PROFESSED FAMILIARITY WITH IN THE PAST AND A COOPS WHEN HE'S ACTUALLY IN THE CITY AND KEITH OLBERMANN UNFORTUNATELY MISS MADDOW INSISTS BUT ANYWAY YOU KNOW HER TOO
ON BEHALF OF ALL OF US I WOULD LIKE TO EXTEND AN INVITATION TO OUR FRIENDLY NEWS COMMENTATOR TO JOIN IN THE FUN THIS SATURDAY YOU WOULD NOT EVEN HAVE TO BE A DESIGNATED DRIVER WE ALL GET CABS
BE THERE OR BE A FOUR-SIDED POLYGON
Stephen with a ph
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: CAROUSING
You know Rachel warned me I might be getting an e-mail from you but she didn't warn me about the caps lock. Also kudos on finding my address so quickly.
Shhh don't tell anyone I'm coming it can be a surprise ;)
A don't forget the M C
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: CAROUSING
I SWEAR I SHALL KEEP OUR SECRET SILENT MY LADY FAIR
Stephen with a ph
ps i think rachel has a crush on you just sayin
---
Rachel wet her thumb and peeled apart some particularly stubborn magazine pages, rolling her eyes when all that she found was a pharmaceutical ad. The magazine went back on the table next to her, where she'd found it in the first place and where no one seemed to notice its absence or return, and she settled back into her chair to wait.
She knew it was raining, but this was getting ridiculous. She'd been waiting for twenty minutes and she was starting to get looks from groups who were crammed in at tables meant for two. (On second thought, she pulled the magazine back over to her and slapped it down on the other side of the table, claiming those chairs too.)
Stephen had an excuse, because his place was farthest from the bar, and Jon had an excuse because, well, he had to bring Stephen with him, but Keith had absolutely no reason not to be there by now. Sighing, Rachel leaned back, stretching her legs out and dropping her feet into the chair directly across form her. By now Anderson would usually have been there and she'd have someone to commiserate with about their friends' inability to walk or hail cabs.
"You look like you could use a drink."
"The ones here aren't all that good," Rachel admitted, tilting her head back so the lights glared off her glasses. Ana Marie squinted and Rachel tugged her glasses down by the bridge. "But the staff are all fans and we get half-price sometimes."
Tapping her umbrella on the back of a chair, Ana Marie sprinkled water all over where Keith would want to sit. Rachel didn't move, and watched the umbrella drop onto the seat. Ana Marie stuck her hands into the pockets of her white rain jacket and didn't try to sit down in any of the four chairs Rachel had been glaring empty for the past twenty minutes. Oh. Four chairs.
Rachel tilted her head to one side. "Hey, I didn't know you were coming tonight."
"Stephen graciously invited me," Ana Marie said, wiggling her fingers in her pockets. Water was sliding down the creases in her white raincoat, leftover rain clinging to the big colored polka dots scattered across the material.
"He found your e-mail? That was fast."
"You should've told me he writes in all caps."
Rachel blinked and was laughing when Ana Marie sat down next to her, where Jon usually huddled when Anderson wasn't around -- their table dynamics generally depending on Keith's moods. She tilted her chin back and hit the table, lightly, her martini sloshing in its glass. Ana Marie grabbed the stem and pulled it over, sipping at it for half a second before launching into a cough.
And as Rachel didn't think laughing breathlessly was an excuse for not warning her about the tasteless amalgamation in her glass, she just rubbed between Ana Marie's shoulder blades until the coughing was finished.
"I totally forget about that," she said by way of apology. "He just -- you get used to it. After a while it seems weirder if he uses proper capitalization."
"Does he usually set you up like this?"
"What?"
Ana Marie tipped the glass towards the other half of the table, which was remarkably free of flames considering all the glares aimed in their direction. Rachel admitted that two people at elbows with each other and an umbrella across from them was not the most economical use of seats when people were drinking standing up, but they were waiting on more. Really! Plus, everyone coming (besides Ana Marie) had their own television show. That should swing something in their favor.
"They're late every week," she said.
"Does Stephen sort through old forwards of yours to find random women's e-mail addresses so he can invite them drinking every week, too?" Ana Marie asked. She grinned and stretched out her legs to put her feet in Stephen's chair. "I think they ditched us. Or they're hiding at the bar."
Rachel snorted. "Keith is over six three, the bartender has a crush on Jon, and Stephen is … Stephen. They're not hiding, they're just late."
"I say we leave," Ana Marie said, setting the glass at the center of the table. "Especially if that's what the martinis taste like here."
Glancing at the clock on the wall, Rachel tried to imagine the boys' faces when they walked in and found it was standing room only, with no table saved on their behalf. Stephen would probably count it as some sort of triumph, which, yeah, she could live with.
"How hard is it coming down?" she asked, and got a grimace in response. She shrugged back into her jacket and Ana Marie scuttled up to grab her umbrella, spraying water all over the floor in the process. Rachel flipped her hood up before they got to the door but flinched anyway when Ana Marie pushed it open, enough water getting past her auto-open umbrella to render Rachel's glasses useless.
Which explained, of course, why she had to huddle so close to Ana Marie as they walked down the sidewalk. Neverminding the rain, she'd trip and fall if she hadn't had a shoulder to lean on.
Keith had shown her Stephen's e-mails after the pepper incident at lunch, and no, she absolutely hadn't started thinking about taking Ana Marie out on a date. Just because Stephen thought that they should try it out didn't mean she was going to listen to him.
Besides, it was Ana Marie's turn to arrange something.
"You should come back when Anderson is in town," Rachel said into her ear. She could feel rain pattering against her back, flying nearly sideways under the umbrella. "They're much better behaved when he's there to mope at the bickering."
"I'll keep that in mind," Ana Marie said. "But we're going to have to go somewhere with better drinks."
"The bartender tonight was sub-par," Rachel agreed. She inhaled cold air and what felt like half a gallon of rainwater. "I know a place that doesn't let anyone on the floor until they're properly trained."
"Ah," Ana Marie said, lifting a finger, "but do they have dim lighting and intimate seating?"
"Yes."
"Sounds good," Ana Marie said, kissing the corner of her mouth. Rachel waited to kiss back until they were warm and dry inside the bar.
(Rachel reasoned that eventually someone besides Stephen would figure it out.)
---
"I blame you for this," Keith snapped, zipping his jacket back up.
"That is a totally unreasonable and baseless accusation, and I resent it," Stephen puffed, the words falling out without Keith's really going through his ears. Gears clicked into place and he added, "Besides, you didn't have to share a cab with us."
He was rocking back and forth on his feet, eyes hopping around the bar just in case they'd been shoved to a bad table, but, no. And Rachel wouldn't skip out on them just for being late, she was too nice for that and he'd promised to pay for her drinks tonight anyway. Which meant Ana Marie had gotten there early and corrupted Rachel (not that she needed that much corrupting (not that Stephen would ever ever say that to her face)) and they'd left to paint the town various shades of red in other places.
When he looked over at Keith to gloat there was only a puddle on the floor.
Sighing, he turned all the way around to find Jon, who'd sidled up to the bar in case Rachel had left them a message -- Stephen reasoned that she hadn't -- and was having a considerably tougher time sidling away. Stephen grinned and crept up behind him, ducking down between taller people whenever Jon cast frantic glances looking for potential rescues.
"--don't know where they went, but they have to be here somewhere," Jon was protesting. "I'll just go find them on my own. I mean, I have my cell phone."
Stephen clamped both his hands down on Jon's shoulders and Jon jumped about six inches, which was pretty impressive considering -- oh, no, the bartender with the crush had let go of his wrist. Stephen ducked around his side and grinned at the kid, who flushed from head to toe.
"I'm just gonna borrow him for the night," he said, tucking an arm around Jon's stomach and holding it tightly enough that Jon couldn't bat it away. He dragged Jon backwards, away from the bar, and called out, "Looks like we're on our own."
"I will get you for this," Jon hissed, shoving at Stephen's arms.
"I saved you from Octopus Hands, you owe me," Stephen said.
He was pretty sure he'd be able to drag Jon all the way to the dance area in front of the stereo before the man figured out what was going on. Later he'd have to call Rachel and Ana Marie. Right now, their song was coming on.
Who can explain it? Who can tell you why? --
---
--Fools give you reasons, Wise men never try.
Ana Marie tapped her hands against the bar top in time with the music, absolutely not singing a word underneath her breath. She didn't want to miss anything Rachel was saying. She'd been promised a quiz later, and she was pretty sure by the end of the night Rachel would remember to ask her at least one question.
Sitting one stool over, Rachel had about ten glasses out in front of her and was slowly mixing together a cocktail that Ana Marie had missed the name of, hands fairly flying over the glasses. Ana Marie was content to watch and wait for the first sip -- which she had heard promised to her -- while the bartender kept his arms folded on the bar and watched intently.
"You have to make sure to mix them in order," Rachel was saying, "or else the flavor will be off."
The bartender nodded like she'd just explained wormhole theory.
Ana Marie put her elbows on the table and cupped her chin in her hands, squinting as Rachel carefully stirred the last of the ingredients together. One of these days she was going to memorize some hopelessly complicated mix just to bust it out one night and see Rachel's eyes go all wide behind her glasses.
"Now," Rachel said, grinning. She leaned back and put both her hands down on the bar, on either side of the glass. "It's done."
The drink was pink with little red dots in it and Ana Marie thought she'd seen it go into the blender, though at one point she'd been paying more attention to the dance floor than the bar. Rachel's eyes were sparkling when she turned to face Ana Marie, and she nudged the glass towards her. It left wet little streaks behind and Ana Marie gingerly wrapped around the stem.
"Am I going to get a taste of that?" the bartender asked wistfully.
Rachel gestured at the glass and looked sideways at the kid behind the bar. "In a minute."
Ana Marie touched the glass to her mouth and tilted it back, shivering a little when the concoction splashed onto her tongue. It tasted sweet and just a bit minty and she took a long gulp to show Rachel her approval. Rachel's grin got wider and she spun back to face the bar head-on and fix the bartender a new one, having him list off all the steps as she went to make sure he could make it on his own.
By the time she was done with her glass her head was spinning just a bit, and she hardly noticed Rachel's flailing at all when she linked her arms around Rachel's waist and dragged her backwards off her stool.
"What are you doing, he was going to show me--"
Ana Marie marched backwards all the way to the stereo, which was repeating the same song it'd been playing a few minutes ago. Across a crowded room, Then fly to her side… Rachel squawked a bit but held still when Ana Marie stepped in front of her and put her head on Rachel's shoulder.
"Oh," Rachel said, smiling.
She put her hands on Ana Marie's hips and Ana Marie wound her arms around her shoulders, and they wove through the crowd with no one giving them a second glance. Spinning once, Ana Marie thought she saw the bartender passing out more of the drinks Rachel had just taught him to make. The music faded and changed and about twenty minutes later came back to the same song, falling over the same beats, and she and Rachel both snickered and hoped whatever lovesick kid stuck on stereo duty would get the girl.
"You should start copyrighting drinks before you hand them out," Ana Marie said, nodding at the bar.
Rachel shook her head. "No, it's fine. Great cocktails yearn to be free. And I'd rather be over here than up there collecting tips -- I sure don't need them."
"Hmm." Ana Marie thought for a moment. "You're going to have to show me how to make it at home."
"This weekend.."
"All right."
Their shoes left streaks of rainwater behind as they moved over the floor.
---
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: THIS AMC GIRL
what you can't take my dog stephen molly doesn't even know you
Anderson