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"Did you go out like that?" Brian asked.
"Uhm?" Gerard had just walked in the door of his room in yet another shitty motel the band was staying in that night. Brian was staring at him from where he was sitting on the edge of one of the two twin beds squeezed into the room. Gerard shut the door behind him, tilting his head at Brian inquiringly.
"You went out like that." This time it was a statement, so Gerard really wasn't very sure why he was involved in the discussion at all, but he just said, "Well, yeah."
"You – Gerard. You can't just do that." Brian pinched the bridge of his nose, like he was getting a headache. It occurred to Gerard that maybe he was the one giving Brian a headache.
"Why?" He looked down at himself. His skirt – a nice deep rose-colored one, lined and everything - totally went fine with the top. Sure, it was a little snug where it fit close over his hips and thighs, but so were his jeans, usually, and Brian never complained about that.
Brian did that staring thing that he did - usually at Frank, when was acting particularly like an asshole, or Mikey, when he was being particularly distracted - when he just couldn't really fathom why it was you were doing what you were doing, but he would really, really like for you to stop. He usually didn't like to have to explain why, either, which Gerard found weird. Gerard always liked to explain why.
"It's not a good idea," Brian said, but he said it nice, not in the slow, patronizing way he sometimes had, but more in the yes, really, I mean this sort of way. He ran his fingers through his hair. "Not everyone appreciates a guy in a skirt."
Gerard bit his lip, smiling a little. "Not everyone knows I'm a guy. It's pretty easy to pass."
"For you," Brian said, like he couldn't help himself. He shook his head. "So long as you don't talk."
"So long as I don't talk," Gerard agreed. He hadn't even put on that much make-up - he didn't really need to; no one ever looked that close. And he didn’t have all the right curves, sure, but the skirt was tight enough to give his hips definition, and his top was just a black button-down over a black tank top. He thought it might actually be Brian's black button-down; the sleeves were pretty short on him. "No one looks that close, Brian. It's kind of cool that it's so easy to just - " He made a movement with his hands. "Switch."
"People notice," Brian stated flatly, staring at him.
Gerard tilted his head to one side. "You notice," he said archly.
Brian ignored that. "Photographers notice."
"They didn't, though. There weren't any." Gerard was sure of it.
"There could have been." Brian was moving closer, and he still looked - not quite mad, but not particularly happy, either.
Gerard licked his bottom lip and fiddled with the buttons on his shirt. "I was careful."
"I want you to be smart. Not careful." Brian shook his head.
Gerard sighed, settling back against the door, and stepped out of the heels he was wearing. He didn't want to be towering over Brian. "I can be both," he offered, shifting from foot to foot and twirling each ankle, wiggling his toes in relief.
Brian shook his head again, hard. "Gerard," he said, and okay, now he almost sounded angry.
Gerard didn't get that at all. Brian was the one who almost always understood him, who could sometimes explain his actions better than Gerard could himself. This was just – "Brian," he tried. "It's just a skirt. It's just – I don't know, it's something different. It's something to try out." Gerard was still discovering himself. Gerard had layers, and he didn't want to be wrapped up all in one simple package. "I'm exploring, you know? I’m –"
Brian waved his hand a little. "Figuring things out, yes, I know. I do, Gerard – I'm not blowing you off, I do listen to you, you know?" He looked up at Gerard, his eyebrows drawn down, gauging, like he wanted to be sure Gerard believed him.
Gerard smiled at him. He did know that. "So why am I in trouble?" he asked softly.
"You're not in trouble," Brian said, rubbed his palm over the back of his own head, looking at Gerard. "You're just not careful enough, Gee."
Brian almost never called him Gee. Only when he was being really gentle. Gerard kind of loved it when he did it. "No one knows it's me," he said, trying to explain. "It's not me out there, when I'm dressed like this." He swept one hand down over his top, down the snug hip of his skirt. "They're not looking at me, not like that." It was true. Maybe Brian was right that that was risky, but – it wasn't like Gerard was constantly recognized on the street even when he was dressed like himself.
When he went out like this, he could feel guys looking at the curve of his hips, or at the way the high heels made him sway as he walked. They weren't seeing him, they were seeing the - God, he didn't know, the objectification of him, the parts instead of the whole, and it was like Gerard wasn't even part of it. Like he didn't even matter, like it was just his body.
That should have been infuriating, and it was, when he thought about it. That he could be so easily hidden just because they thought he was a girl. That wasn't even close to okay. It had to suck to be classified like that, not even really seen, just because of your gender. Gerard knew that. Only – it was just – "It's like I'm pushing the gender boundaries, even if they don't know it. Like, they're turned on and they don't even know that what they're turned on by isn't what they think they're turned on by. You know?"
Brian pressed his fingers against his eyes, like his head hurt. He sort of did that a lot when Gerard tried to explain things. "Kind of?" he said.
"Like topping from the bottom!" Gerard said brightly. "You think you're going at it from one way, but really, it's a whole different power dynamic."
Brian dropped his hand from his face and looked at Gerard. "Listen," he said. "Could you please just try not to go out dressed like a girl? For me? I just – for me. Just to be on the safe side."
Gerard chewed his lip a little. The lipstick he was wearing tasted sweet, like cherry. Brian was looking pained. "Yeah, okay. I get it, Brian. I won't do go out like this again." He sighed, leaning his head back against the door. "It kind of defeats the purpose though, you know. It doesn't do anything for gender politics if I just dress up like this all on my own." He frowned. "It just makes it a thing."
Brian closed his eyes for longer than a blink.
"You know," Gerard explained. "A kink."
Brian still didn't say anything or even open his eyes.
"Brian?" Gerard pushed himself off the door. "Look, I said I'd stop."
Brian breathed in through his nose and opened his eyes. "No, listen, it's fine."
"But you get it, right?"
"Yes." Brian's voice was tight. "No, I get it."
"What's wrong, then? What are you –"
"Jesus, Gerard." Brian wasn't yelling, because Brian never yelled. His voice just got scary-soft when he was pissed off or something. "Look at yourself. I can't –"
Gerard glanced down, to where the fabric of the skirt pulled tight over his hips, to where it was almost but not entirely – no matter how hard he'd tried – hiding the bulge between his legs. He still thought he looked good. He'd worn stockings and everything. "What?" he said, confused.
Brian stared at him, his eyes wide and desperate, and even then it took until he moved forward and put his hands on Gerard's hips for the penny to drop. Oh. Oh. Gerard was a fucking idiot. "Oh." He shifted his hips a little against Brian's hands, just to test it. Brian's grasp tightened, but he didn't drop his gaze from Gerard's eyes. "Oh," Gerard breathed. "You like me like this."
"Yes, Gerard," and this time Brian was using his patronizing voice, a little. Not that Gerard could particularly blame him right now. "I fucking like you like this."
And – well – gender politics or no, Gerard liked the look in Brian's eyes. He liked how firm Brian's hands felt on his hips, and he liked his sudden realization that something as simple as putting on a skirt made Brian push past all the couldn't shouldn't wouldn't boundaries that he'd apparently been holding onto for so long. Gerard fucking liked that. It felt fucking dirty.
"I – okay," he said, and they weren't touching anywhere except Brian's fingers against his hips, but Gerard rolled his hips forward, where he was standing in his stocking feet, his too-tall high heels pushed aside next to the door, and Brian groaned low in his throat. "Brian," Gerard said softly, ghosting one hand up over the tattoo on the side of Brian's neck.
That was all it took. Brian moved forward, crowding him against the door. He slid one hand up under the skirt, around the back of Gerard's thigh, and lifted Gerard's leg so it wrapped around Brian's waist. The height difference worked for them here – Gerard could lean back against the door and brace himself pretty easily for when Brian's hand slipped up far enough to feel – "Jesus, Gerard," Brian choked out. "Garter belt? Really?"
Gerard shrugged, grinning. "Pantyhose feel weird against my thighs," he explained.
Brian's hand was warm against the curve of Gerard's thigh, his fingers tucked under one strap of the garter belt. He breathed against Gerard's neck as he said, "Oh. That would be what would make the situation weird, huh?"
"Well." Gerard pushed his hips forward, and oh God, yes, that pressed his cock really fucking nicely up against Brian's hip. "Not the only thing weird."
"Jesus, Gee," Brian said, his voice totally wrecked, like he was in this deep, with none of the light well, finally vibe Gerard was feeling . It wasn't often Gerard was the one taking things lightly. He wasn't sure how to handle it.
But he had some ideas. "Brian," he said quietly, and Brian jerked his head up, like Gerard had been the one using his stern voice. "Just –" He put one hand against Brian's cheek, and drew his face up, and kissed him as sweet and hard as he knew how. Because, okay, Brian had apparently been wanting this, and Gerard hadn't known, hadn't noticed. Head in the clouds, and that made him kind of an asshole, didn’t it? Frank was always telling him to pay more attention to things. Man, Frank was going to love this, if Gerard convinced Brian to let him tell Frank about it.
Brian kissed him back, immediate and hot, wrapping himself more tightly around Gerard, his fingers pressing against Gerard's skin under his skirt and oh, Brian was hard against Gerard's hip, and panting against his neck. "Jesus," Gerard breathed out, tilting his head to one side, opening up his throat for Brian. "God, Brian, come on," he said. He wanted Brian to let go, to give it up, to just fucking forget the responsibilities, to forget about being in charge, to not worry for fucking once, to just lose himself in this. Gerard wanted to see what Brian looked like when he let go.
Brian shook his head, but he had his lips up against the skin of Gerard's neck. "Pushy motherfucker," he said tightly, but sort of like it was something endearing. He kissed him there on his neck, then sucked, drawing on the skin, not biting, not quite, but digging in enough that Gerard was up on his toes, his stocking feet looking for purchase on the floor, his whole body looking for more.
"Brian," he gasped again, the back of his head hitting the door, because Jesus Christ, he was hard, and Brian was sucking on his neck like it was his job, and Gerard was going to come right here and ruin his skirt, without Brian ever getting his hand on his cock. "Brian, Jesus, just –" He grabbed Brian's hand, recklessly, and shoved it up under the front of his skirt.
"Fuck," Brian said, pulling back to stare at Gerard as he fit his hand over Gerard's cock. "Are you wearing panties?"
"Well, yes." Gerard shifted, pushing forward into Brian's hand. God, that felt good.
"Lace ones?" Brian was looking down, like he could see through the material of Gerard's skirt.
"Yeah." Gerard couldn't catch his breath, because Brian's hand was moving now, stroking up and over his cock through the lace. It was scratchy against his skin, and it should have been uncomfortable, and usually was, but right now, with Brian's hot hand against it, it was just the perfect fucking friction. "I tried silk ones, at first, but those didn't work so well." Brian was looking at him again, his hand slowing, so Gerard explained, "They slide against you as you walk, and it feels, like, way too good, and there's no real way to hide that when you're in a skirt – well, not a in a tight skirt –"
"Like the one you're wearing," Brian said, his voice tense, his hand moving again over Gerard's cock.
"Yeah." Gerard arched up against his hand, pressing his head back against the door and reaching down to hike his skirt up more. "Like this one."
"Gerard." Brian had his mouth, his teeth against Gerard's neck. "You're trying to fucking kill me."
"No," Gerard said breathlessly. "It's just gender politics," but then Brian had both hands up under Gerard's skirt and he was dragging the panties down, and off, and Gerard was having a hard time forming words.
"Pink," Brian said dazedly, looking down at where the panties were now discarded on the floor.
"Hot pink," Gerard corrected, and Brian groaned, rucking up Gerard's skirt with both hands, roughly, like he was fucking desperate to get full access to Gerard's dick. This was getting really fucking intense. Having the panties off was a relief, and having Brian's hand sliding over his cock was even better. Brian had wrapped his hand around him and was stroking him, hard and fast enough that Gerard was whining, trying to get him to do more, to just keep going. Brian was staring up at him, his gaze flickering from Gerard's lips, to his eyes, then down to where his skirt was pushed up high around his waist, Brian's hand moving fast and hot over his cock.
"Brian," Gerard managed, and Brian's gaze snapped back to Gerard's face. He looked completely fucking caught up in this, dazed and turned on, his face flushed, out of control in a way you pretty much never saw Brian fucking Schechter. Gerard liked that. He – liked that a lot. "Brian," he said again. "Keep doing that." He had his hands on Brian's shoulders now, holding on, holding tight, up on his toes in his stocking feet. "God, your fucking hand, just – don't stop, okay?" He let one hand trace up over the side of Brian's neck, up over his cheek. "Don't stop, I'm – close, I'm fucking close, just –"
Brian was panting, his mouth open, losing it even though he was the one completely put together here, totally dressed, his jeans not even undone. He wasn't even pressing against anything, he was getting no friction. Like he was holding back, just keeping up with his long strokes on Gerard's cock. Gerard was totally slick – he always leaked a lot when he got turned on, he was one messy motherfucker – and thrusting hard into Brian's hand. Some of it was that yes, God, Brian gave a good handjob, but more of it was watching Brian, watching how much Brian got off on Gerard getting off, how Brian was right there with him, panting and gasping like he was the one getting jerked off against the door.
"Fuck, Gerard." Brian's voice was tight, his eyes hot. He sounded fucked up, he sounded wasted. "Keep talking, can you just –"
"Yeah, yeah." Gerard clenched tight around Brian's shoulders again, really letting his hips get into it. God, he didn't want to come yet, didn't want this to be over, but Brian was pushing him towards it with his hand and his breath and his eyes. "Brian, fuck, fucking just - Jesus, you're so good at this, you're so fucking hot like this." He gasped, biting his lip hard as Brian twisted his hand just right, managing to let the tips of his fingers drag lightly against Gerard's balls on the downstroke. "Oh, fuck, yeah, fucking that, Brian, Jesus Christ, you fucker –"
Brian did it again, the long upward stroke followed by the slow downward one that ended , again, with his fingers stroking against Gerard's balls, and, "Oh fuck, that's it, that's motherfucking it, Brian, I – "
"Tell me," Brian said, like anything could get Gerard to shut up at this point. "Tell me," he said again, urgently.
"I’m –" Oh fuck, he needed, he just needed – "I’m gonna – Brian, just please, I'm about to – fuck fuck fuck -" One more stroke and Gerard was coming so fucking hard, clinging to Brian's shoulders and crying out way too loud for these thin, shitty motel walls. He was shaking, it was so fucking good, and he couldn't open his eyes, but he wanted to see, wanted to see Brian's reaction, wanted Brian to be as fucking startled by the intensity as Gerard was.
"Jesus." Brian was breathless. "Jesus Christ."
Gerard opened his eyes, he had to see, and Brian was staring down between them, his hand dripping with come. Gerard had come all over his fist, all over the front of his jeans, a lot of it. "Sorry," he said, but he wasn't. "Sorry," he said again, and slid to the floor, his back against the door. He pushed up onto his knees, reaching with shaky hands to undo Brian's belt, open up his jeans.
"Gerard." Brian was biting out the words, like he was that fucking close. "You –"
"Come on." Gerard pulled Brian's cock out, and oh yeah, Brian was hard and wet and ready. "I want you to."
"Oh," Brian said faintly, leaning forward to rest his hands against the door over Gerard's head. Gerard leaned in and took his cock into his mouth. "Oh fuck, your fucking mouth."
And the best thing about Brian – one of the very best things – was that he knew when enough was too much, and when enough wasn't anywhere close to enough. When Gerard wrapped his hand around the base of Brian's cock, Brian just let go and thrust forward with his hips and fucked his mouth. It was awesome. It was perfect. Gerard's heels were tucked up under him, he could feel the smooth material of the stockings against his thighs, against his ass where his skirt no longer covered it.
Brian was breathing hard, and when Gerard looked up, he was staring down at Gerard as though he wanted to eat him, the muscles in his arms straining as he held himself up against the door. He thrust in hard again, and again, before he gasped out, "Oh fuck, I'm not going to make it – your mouth, I just –" Which was just the warning Gerard needed to pull back, let Brian slide out of his mouth just as he came, shooting hot and wet all over Gerard's mouth and face, just so fucking perfect.
Gerard licked his lips happily. God, he felt so fucking good.
"Jesus." Brian shuddered, staring down at him open-mouthed, like he was shocked, like he was embarrassed, maybe.
"Brian." Gerard leaned back, letting his head fall back against the door. "That was fucking awesome." He knew he was just sitting there gazing at Brian, but he couldn't stop. He'd never seen Brian come apart like that.
"Jesus, Gerard." Brian slowly slid down beside him, turning to rest his back was against the door. Gerard shifted, tugging a little bit at his hem, tucking his legs back next to him primly, his skirt back down around his thighs. He turned his head towards Brian – he knew what he must look like, his hair sweaty and destroyed, his mouth red and fucked, come on his lips, still, and his cheek. He was a mess. He loved it.
Brian tilted his head against the door, staring at Gerard. He shut his eyes for a second, like he couldn't quite take it, and Gerard smiled. Brian liked this look on him.
"Listen," Brian said, opening his eyes, and it was his manager tone, or at least he was going for his manager tone. It didn't quite work – his voice cracked a little, and he paused to lean forward, running one thumb through the mess on Gerard's cheek, wiping him clean.
Gerard nodded encouragingly when Brian took a deep breath, giving Gerard a look that Gerard assumed was meant to be stern. Gerard put a serious face on. "Yes," he said in his listening voice.
"I –" Brian waved his hand at the space between them. "You need to –" He took another breath, as Gerard traced one hand down his own leg. He'd gotten a run in his stocking. Damn.
Brian was just looking at him, and Gerard sat up a little bit. "I need to be careful," he said dutifully, before Brian had to find the words again. "I need to not go out like this."
"Right," said Brian.
"I need to stay in like this with you, sometimes," Gerard said, then, thoughtfully.
"…uhm," said Brian. "I –"
"Because it subverts gender roles," Gerard continued, "And it explores the control issues you have."
Brian frowned a little bit. "I don't have control issues. I just have a difficult job."
"And because you like it," Gerard said, not really listening to him anymore. He adjusted the garter on one of his stockings carefully. He knew Brian liked his job. And he knew that he liked Gerard, especially when Gerard was dressed like this.
"I – yes." Brian nodded helplessly. "Okay. That."
"Awesome." That was good, then. Gerard looked at Brian through his eyelashes, and gave him a little dirty smile, and Brian groaned low in his throat, and leaned in, kissing him hard and messy and just perfect. "Yes," Gerard breathed against his mouth, "that."
the end