Chapter Text
His fingers traced the contours of her cheek gently which pulled a smile out of her.
Drawing closer she rested her head on his chest, feeling the thrumming of his heartbeat.
Thump thump
This right here meant the most important thing to her in the world. Him being alive right by her side for as long as he could.
Four years.
She tried not to ponder on that fact much and focus on the moment right then. If they hadn’t run away few months ago then who knew if she would even have that much time with him.
“I wish this was real…”
Huh? What was he talking about? It was real, wasn’t it? They were together in the cottage far away from their enemies. Safe and sound.
“We have to kill him.”
She frowned sitting up and wondering where that voice came from? Kill who? She was done with that life.
Her surroundings began to disappear in a vortex of color as her eyes widened with fear. What was happening? She looked down and he was no longer by her side and she was on some battlefield now surrounded by some people whose faces she couldn’t make out.
No. No. No. No.
She had to go back.
“Mikasa, snap out of it.”
Tears were streaming down her face. She wanted to go home. Go back to him.
“Forget about me…Be free...
You have a long life ahead of you, Mikasa
Please forget about me. “
No.
She wouldn’t.
She—
Mikasa furrowed her brows trying to concentrate but she drew a blank after that.
That was all she could remember from last night.
Faceless people and dreadful fate and him.
Someone who she knew by his touch, and smell and voice and laugh but not how he looked like.
She was going crazy. There was no other explanation to it.
Her dark acrylic nails rummaged through the page absentmindedly as she tried her best to keep her thoughts at bay.
Mikasa never did drugs or took any kind of medication which could elicit such hallucinations or vivid dreams from her. If it was only once or twice she would have understood that, but she saw them like three times a week. The same thing over and over. Everything was so jumbled up that she couldn’t make sense of it. Only thing she had managed to make out was that she was supposedly in love with a man but circumstances drove them apart. It was really weird seeing herself so enamoured by someone when in reality she hadn’t been big on dating scene much less fallen in love.
But she wouldn’t lie and say that this dream man of hers didn’t fill her with strange longing and warmth one whose likes she had never experienced in her life.
It was official. She was a certified lunatic.
Frustrated she closed the book and decided to head off the library. It wasn’t like she was going to get much done here anyways.
.
.
.
Berlin was a beautiful city. Much different from the small town she had inhabited for seventeen years of her life. When she had first come to city to attend the university everything had been so overwhelming for her. The people, the culture, the noise, the routine but eventually after two years she had gotten used to it somewhat.
Unfortunately this was also where those dreams of hers had started perpetrating. In the beginning it was only once or twice a month but now it haunted her more often than that. She hated the feeling of emptiness and pain which came with it.
This terrible yearning for someone namely him remained unsaid as she trotted down the street aimlessly. The only time she felt comfort and whole in those dreams was when he was by her side. When they caught fish, and cooked, and laughed and hugged and–
Her cheeks turned red as she remembered all the other intimate things they did. Something which she was yet to partake in her real life. It was so vivid that she could feel him all around her as if it had been real.
Ok.
She definitely needed to make that psychiatrist appointment she had put on hold for past two weeks.
The weather was fairly cold and the strong wind forced a shiver out of her being as she pulled the jacket closer to her. She should have bought her muffler. Her fingers were getting relatively colder now so Mikasa decided to buy some coffee before heading back to the dorm. Thankfully the concierge shop was right around the corner as she increased her pace.
A sigh of relief escaped her lips as she entered the cozy place and walked over to the counter line. She rubbed her hands to generate some heat as she waited for her turn. Mikasa reminisced how she was more of a tea person when she first came to college but pulling an all nighter due to assignments and exams had her relying on coffee more often and now she couldn’t function without one. She ordered her regular hot chocolate before heading to the sitting area in hopes of finding an empty spot.
Ahh there it is.
She flopped down on the cushioned seat in the corner before anyone else could and started rubbing her hands again to get some warmth. Her inability to bear cold had always been her weakness. Maybe it stemmed from her japanese roots. Were they more prone to cold? But then again her mother had no such problem so maybe it was only her thing.
Naturally an observant person, her eyes started wandering around the room taking in various people and their orders. Most of them came in pairs and group and then there was her. Well she wasn’t alone, there was also this guy at—
She froze on the spot.
The noises around her grew distant and fainter as she felt herself getting lost in a trance. That weird feeling in her chest was back and somehow increased to tenfold as she grabbed at the edge of the table to compose herself. Why now?
Why?
The stranger chose that moment to look right at her and she felt her lips trembling as she felt like she had waited for this for a long long time.
Too lost in that thought she didn’t notice when the stranger got up from his seat and was in front of her in mere seconds saying something she couldn’t make sense of. She saw him pick up a tissue paper and hold it out to her but she couldn’t move a muscle as she felt a tremble go through her whole body. She was shaking.
And then she felt it.
The rough expanse of his finger as he held her hand in his and started rubbing it, speaking something which she couldn’t make sense of. Nothing made sense to her except that touch. Because she remembered it. It was the same.
It was his touch.
It was him.
And then Mikasa broke down.
.
.
.
Sipping on her coffee silently, she kept staring at the spot on the table, trying not make eye contact with the handsome stranger who had helped her out before.
“Want some more?” That eerily familiar voice asked holding out some tissue papers as she shook her head in a quick no. Thankfully her tears had stopped finally along with her running nose.
How embarrassing!
She slurped on her coffee faster than before eager to get out of that place and away from his cautious eyes. This behaviour wasn’t normal. Everyone had thought that she was having some sort of a panic attack and came to her aid and now there was all this unwanted attention on her. The shop owner had even vouched to call for an ambulance but she had snapped out of it by then and told him she was ok.
“Are you feeling better now?”
She managed to nod a yes and felt him adjust to sit straight in the seat next to her. Her heartbeat was yet to return to normal but she also felt somewhat comforted at his presence. Maybe because he had been kind enough to calm her down and sit by her side until she was feeling like herself, unaware of the fact that she was drawing similarities between him and her dream guy.
Mikasa couldn’t remember the tone of his voice but that touch. It had been the exact same feeling she got everytime the man in her dreams held her hands. It was one thing thinking of it and whole other making a stranger the figment of those imagination.
Clearing her throat she got his attention as she felt those brilliant green eyes on her.
“I am sorry for giving you so much trouble. I don’t know what came over me. I am not usually like this.” He shook his head as a wide grin spread on his face and Mikasa felt this was how butterflies and whatever shit that floated in one’s stomach was born.
“Happens to the best of us sometimes no worries. I am a medical student so this was my solemn duty.” He raised a hand to his heart in a salute— the silly gesture making her smile as she nodded.
“Still…thank you for everything.”
“Don’t mention it.” He sat straight, his shoulder brushing hers as she tried to calm her racing heart. What the hell was wrong with her?
Sure he was attractive with those chiseled face and full lips and entrancing eyes but he wasn’t one of a kind, was he? She had met and known a lot of handsome guys some who even hit on her but she had never felt this way with anyone before. Ever.
And then she realised she had been staring too hard and he was looking right at her and oh god she just wanted to get rid of this strange feeling but couldn’t as she forced a smile and gulped down the rest of the content in one go.
Her throat burned up then but she didn’t care. She had to get away from him. Immediately.
And so she got up and noticed his eyes widening just slightly at her action, following after her as she picked up her purse.
“I should get going…I..umm thank you once again for your help.” She didn’t want to go no not yet but she needed to tone down her crazy and that was the only way.
“I will walk you out.” He announced and she was unable to refuse because deep down she wanted to spend more time with him and it was totally insane but for some reason she couldn’t help it. The silence loomed upon them as she wasn’t much of a talker and he had done his fair share of one sided talking but Mikasa couldn’t for the life of her bring herself to make small talk. That was not her strong suit at all. If it had been Sasha or Hitch they would be having a breezy conversation by now but no poor guy got stuck with her.
The grass crunched under the sole of her shoes and the nipping breeze was making her ears hurt now as she stepped behind him.
“You are shivering.” He stated to which she just shrugged awkwardly because this was one thing she couldn’t train her body against.
“I am not a big fan of winter.” Her admittance had his face masking in a foreign expression and Mikasa had to wonder if he was tired of her just yet. There was a pause before he was pulling out the muffler from around his neck and handing it to her.
“Here. You need it more than me.”
She laughed nervously as it wasn’t usually she got caught in such situation, and shook her head because it was ridiculous. She didn’t even know his name, how could she borrow something from him? She told him so which had him smiling cheekily. That only caused the butterflies in her stomach to flutter more enthusiastically than before. Shit.
“Eren Jaeger.”
That name....
She was hit by a strong sense of déjà vu right then as she tried to form words but they wouldn’t come out at all.
Eren
Jeager
Eren Jaeger
Why did it seem like she had always known these two words? Something that was lost in the wind ages ago.
She could feel the tears pooling in her eyes again but blinked them away and tried to pull her cheeks in a smile.
“Mikasa Ackerman.”
His hands were suddenly around her neck and she realised that he was adjusting her scarf to give coverage to her ear, and couldn’t help but smile at the kind gesture once again.
“Thank you.”
“You have got to stop saying that.” His nose had turned a little pink and his eyes crinkled at corner and she was unable to pull her gaze away from him. He was so alluring.
“I should go.”
“How...uhh if you don’t mind me asking how are you heading out?”
“Walking.”
“In this weather?” He gestured with his fingers frowning in disapproval which had her shrugging.
“Its only ten minute walk from here.”
“Then let me drop you.”
Ok. No matter how much she was charmed by him there was no way in hell she would ride with a stranger.
“No. I will be fine.”
He didn’t seem too impressed by her answer as he pulled out some keys and pointed to what seemed to be a black ranger bike a few meters ahead.
“I insist.”
“No. I take this route everyday. Don’t sweat it.”
That had him pausing for a moment, and there was a weak smile on his face as he blinked rapidly looking at the ground and then back at her before nodding in understanding.
For some reason she wanted him to argue and couldn’t help but feel a pang of disappointment at that. She didn’t want this to be over yet, and so the next thing she knew she was asking for his number something which she had never done before but in the pretense of returning his scarf she managed to say that out loud, and was pleasantly surprised when he returned her enthusiasm.
“Of course.”
She passed him her cell phone as he typed with nimble hands she couldn’t help but admire. Once he was done he placed it in her palm, his hand squeezing hers a little tightly as a jolt of electricity went up her spine and she felt her knees weakened. Closing her eyes momentarily, she tried to keep up whatever semblance of dignity she still had left.
Go. Leave now.
And with a nod and a smile she bid him goodbye and darted away from him as fast as possible.
.
.
.
Mikasa stretched her legs as far as she could in the comforter, barely paying attention to the episode of Friends as her hand unconsciously kept fiddling with the hem of her scarf which she had yet to take off. She felt an odd sense of warmth from that fabric and wanted to relish in it as long as she could.
She was going to wash and return it the next day anyways provided that Eren had time.
Screw it.
She closed the Netflix app and opened the messenger as her finger lingered on his name in her contact. It wasn’t like she was being too needy. It had been three hours already and she was only doing what any responsible person would do in her situation.
M: Hey. It’s Mikasa here. The girl from the coffee shop. I was wondering if you were free tomorrow and how can I reach you to return your scarf?
She opened YouTube in the meantime pretending that she wasn’t on the edge of her seat waiting for his reply. Thankfully she didn’t have to wait for too long as barely few minutes later his reply popped up.
E: Hey. You can meet me at the same coffee shop in the evening if that’s ok with you. I will text you the exact time tomorrow.
M: Ok. Sounds great.
There was no reply from him for a while and Mikasa thought that was it but then her phone vibrated again making her almost giddy with excitement.
E : Here’s a funny thought: If you had agreed to let me drop you, you could have returned the scarf right then and there will be no need of this.
Oh.
OH..
Now she felt stupid. But she couldn’t let him know that.
M: Ok maybe but giving out a phone number and meeting you on my term is much safer and sensible than letting you give me a ride in your vehicle. Safety rule 102.
Mikasa knew she just blurted out nonsensical things but she couldn’t make a bigger fool out of herself in front of him anymore.
E: Safety rule 102? Are you in some kind of defense class?
M: As a matter of fact, yes. I teach young girls judo on weekends.
E: That’s impressive. Remind me to never piss you off.
If it had been someone else, she would have dropped the conversation right then and there and went on with her errands but she couldn’t say goodbye to him. Not yet. And so she began typing a fitting response to his message.
.
.
.
She could still smell the fresh blood of the people buried under the debris as her gut churned up at that. Hundreds of bodies on sight men, women and children alike laid motionless crushed on the ground as her heart dropped at the sight. She hated the war, their circumstances, everything about this. How many more lives would be taken before this fighting would stop? But in that moment surrounded by death and destruction the one thing she wanted more than anything was for him to come back to her.
“Eren, please come home…”