Chapter Text
Mingyu does not know if anyone has ever noticed that Sunday's sun always seemed a little bit different, especially the way it beams on a children's park filled with picnic mats with giggles and laughs resonating through the crisp autumn breeze fluttering around. There's definitely something about the way it shines through smiles making Mingyu feel warm inside, contrary to the chill the weather has brought, as his heart swells, a feeling he ultimately has yearned for so long.
"Hey." He looked up and met brown orbs, like that of the sun, glowing, but incomparable. Mingyu smiled.
"You're deep in thought, my love." Wonwoo commented as he leaned down to Mingyu.
Mingyu blinked, shook his head, but smiled more towards his husband. "Nothing, I'm just... appreciating, yeah, that is."
"The view?"
Mingyu chuckled. "Yeah, the view." And reached out his hand to Wonwoo's face, gently caressing the alpha's cheek trying to transfer the warmth he is feeling. "I love you."
The alpha smirks but kissed the omega's palm as he sat down beside the omega on the picnic mat, hands immediately wrapping its way around the omega's waist. Mingyu leaned to Wonwoo's chest like it's second-nature.
"That was corny, I admit." Wonwoo said after kissing the top of Mingyu's head. "I love you, too."
Mingyu hummed as the wind kissed his golden skin and tousled his hair. Wonwoo held him tighter as they basked in the autumn air and sun in the silence, but actually Mingyu’s mind has been running with thoughts.
Wonwoo is warmer.
The alpha has always been. Born in the summer, the alpha has always smelled like clean sheets washed with lavender fabric conditioner billowing in the summer sun and breeze, and when you wrap yourself around the sheets, you feel calm and safe and home. Wonwoo is home.
“Sofi, baby, no!”
Mingyu got up from leaning on to his alpha and turned around to meet a giggling little ball of sunshine before it hit Wonwoo’s back. The giggles just got louder as Sofi swayed like losing balance, Wonwoo is quick to catch the little one into his arms.
“Wow, Sofi is walking!” Wonwoo exclaimed as he lifts the baby into the air.
Mingyu smiled holding onto Sofi’s little hand. “Such a good girl.”
“I am beyond tired!” Joshua, Mingyu’s omega friend, huffed before sitting down beside Mingyu on the mat. “Ever since she has started learning how to walk, I feel like I have never rested my hips and legs in following her around.”
“Sure that ain’t from your nightly activities with your alpha?” Mingyu smirked.
“Mingyu!” Joshua exclaimed, acting scandalized. “We don’t just do it at night, duh.” Joshua laughed seeing Mingyu’s reaction, genuinely scandalized.
“TMI, Shua-hyung.” Wonwoo laughs. “We have our fair share.”
“Wonwoo!” Now Mingyu’s cheeks are suddenly dusted in pink like that of his favorite flower. Wonwoo’s nose scrunched from laughing at his omega, whilst Sofi is playing with the alpha’s polo shirt buttons and laughing back like she was part of the adult conversation. “Sofi is listening.”
“Duh, she doesn’t understand that,” Joshua answered while reaching a bib to wipe his daughter’s drools. Wonwoo helped in doing so.
“Where is Cheol-hyung, by the way?” Mingyu inquired.
“Getting cotton candy for his princess. Sofi was too impatient to even wait for our turn on the line, she dashed right away after pointing and crying she wants one.” Mingyu nodded before reaching out to hold Sofi’s hand again.
“Hey, Mingyu.” Joshua called his attention. Mingyu just hummed to encourage him to continue talking. “Thank you.”
“For?” Mingyu is looking at the older omega now.
“For today.” Joshua beamed his infamous eye smile to his friend and reached out to hold Mingyu’s hands. “I know how hard it must’ve been for you to allow yourself to be here with us and around Sofi. So, thank you.”
“Hyung…” Mingyu paused but squeezed his hyung’s hands back. “Sofi… she’s such a wonderful baby. Can’t imagine not being around her as her uncle. And also, fatherhood looks good on you and Cheol-hyung. You’re made for it.” Mingyu smiled though Joshua knew it did not really reach the younger omega’s eyes. If only he could say the right words to console his dear friend, but Joshua didn’t say anything else and hummed before muttering another sincere thank you.
The sun was setting as Mingyu and Wonwoo was going home from the picnic trip, with the car’s stereo faintly playing one of those movie soundtrack playlist that Mingyu has always loved.
“Mingyu?”
Mingyu hummed in response without getting his eyes off the sunset’s view as they’re passing the bridge. No answer from his husband came but he felt his familiar warmth engulfing his left hand. Wonwoo held and kissed his hand while driving, a gesture that never got old to make Mingyu feel just as soft when Wonwoo first did it to him.
Oh how much he loves this man.
Mingyu giggled before turning to look at Wonwoo, the older’s eyes were on the road without breaking its lips from Mingyu’s knuckles.
“You’re happy.”
“I am happy, my love.” Mingyu answered still giggling because of Wonwoo’s feathering kisses on his knuckles. “Enough… my knuckles are all wet, yuck.” He joked to Wonwoo earning him a glare, more like a fond glare if that’s possible.
“Hey, what do you think about ordering chicken for dinner?” Mingyu asked while scrolling on his phone using one hand because few minutes after and his left hand was still held by Wonwoo.
“I was actually thinking about cooking tonight.” Wonwoo answered smiling.
“Oh!” Mingyu exclaimed and looked at Wonwoo. “Then, order chicken it is.”
Wonwoo was quick to look at him making Mingyu laugh. “Eyes on the road, love.” Mingyu reminded him still while laughing.
“Hey, my cooking isn’t so bad, baby.” Wonwoo whined.
“I didn’t say that.” Mingyu feigned innocence.
“You implied it, you big baby.” Wonwoo scoffed before attacking Mingyu’s knuckles again with kisses. The car filled with music and laughter and kisses as they’re a few meters away from home.
Mingyu still ordered chicken while waiting for Wonwoo’s kimchi stew to cook. He wanted to help but his husband was adamant on letting him do all the kitchen works this time, giving Mingyu a break after today’s picnic. That gave Mingyu the freedom to spend time browsing the photos he took from today, and more time for thinking.
Lately, he just seems to do a lot of thinking. His mind going back to certain time frames he actually most dread to go back to, before. Actually, he still dread thinking about it but at least the breakdowns aren’t there anymore, the constant blaming, the regrets, the self-hatred, all of it gone. But the longing, the yearning, the sadness, the pain, the hurt, is still there and like the famous quote from one of his favorite movies, all of it demands to be felt.
Mingyu smiled swiping to see the next photo of Sofi smiling at Wonwoo while Sofi is reaching out to catch the bubble blown by Wonwoo.
He should’ve been of the same age.
It’s the “should’ve beens” that constantly give him pain, it’s the “should’ve been” thoughts that makes everything hurt, that makes him still cry in the wee hours of day, before going to sleep, in the bathroom, and at random times he sees a baby.
Like when he saw Sofi for the very first time on her 100th day celebration. He was hurt, in pain, envious of his friend—Joshua ‘cause they got pregnant at around the same time, blaming himself, regretting, questioning, and he can’t even hold Sofi in his arms by then, can’t even afford to take another look longer than ten seconds ‘cause he remembers his own, the one he carried on his womb for six months that he has never seen the smile of, has never held its warmth of, but he loved and loves with his whole life and whole being.
That was six months of his life having another life reside within him, why can’t the universe give him more time? He just needed three more months for the world to see the beautiful fruition of him and Wonwoo’s love, but the universe denied them of that.
Like the happiness when they knew Mingyu was carrying weren’t meant to be theirs, like everything were borrowed and their intense joy should be paid with the same amount of grief.
“You’re crying.”
Mingyu’s train of thought came to a halt upon hearing his mate’s voice, immediately feeling the tears staining his cheeks. He was indeed crying while thinking.
“Would you like to tell me what’s wrong?” Wonwoo inquired softly, kneeling on the floor facing the couch Mingyu was seated on.
Mingyu shook his head while wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand like a child, Wonwoo immediately helping him do so before clasping their hands together.
“Was it about today? Sofi?”
“No, of course not. She’s an angel, love. Nothing is wrong with her.” His voice groggy. “B-But…” He deeply sighed before averting his gaze away from Wonwoo. “I would be lying if I say I don’t envy Shua-hyung. I would always envy him. And it’s the ‘what ifs’ and ‘should’ve beens’ again flooding my thoughts. And that I miss him.”
“I miss him too, baby.”
“So much that it hurts?”
“So much that it hurts.”
Mingyu teared up some more upon hearing Wonwoo’s answer. His alpha immediately holding him into his arms making him straddle the alpha’s lap on the carpet of their living room. Mingyu’s always taller but makes himself small when he snuggled on the column of Wonwoo’s neck, nosing the mark he made on his husband, Wonwoo’s scent like a drug making him instantly calm and collected.
Few more minutes passed by as Mingyu was being rocked by Wonwoo like a baby on his arms, his embrace getting warmer by each second, and his pats on Mingyu’s back following a rhythm that is Oh so familiar, the omega thinks.
“Wonwoo.” Mingyu called without lifting his head up from Wonwoo’s neck.
“Yes, Mingyu?” The alpha’s softest voice was used making Mingyu giggle softly.
With determination to voice out what he was thinking of the most these days, Mingyu faced Wonwoo and cupped the older’s face. “I want to try again.”
Wonwoo was smiling, fond and encouraging even, as Mingyu caressed his jaw.
“Do you think it’s time we try again? To have a baby? It has been more than a year and…” we have long forgiven ourselves. Mingyu wanted to add but hesitated before Wonwoo planted a kiss on his forehead.
“I think it is time, if you are ready to try again, Mingyu. What happened took a toll on you and your body, and who am I, but a mere alpha, to have a say on what you want for you.”
Mingyu closed his eyes before leaning his forehead on Wonwoo’s. “I want it, Wonwoo. I want it so much.” His voice breathy but determined. “I want it with you. I’ve always wanted a family with you, my alpha.”
“I want a family with you, too, Mingyu.”