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Julian was running late— horribly and inexcusably late. This was not something uncommon for him, considering just how much the hospital was understaffed and just how needed his expertise was, but today was about the worst day in all the galaxy to be late.
The hot and unrelenting cardassian sun shone down on him as he forged every excuse he could think of, but he knew none of them would really matter. Thick beads of sweat dripped down his cheeks and into the thin scruff that he had begun to grow out in the last month or so. He liked the way facial hair looked on him, making him look older, more mature than the clean-shaven babyface he was known for. Though, with today’s heat, he was really regretting that decision.
He all but sprinted under the overhang of his front steps, taking less than a moment to breathe before hurling himself into what he knew was about to come.
“Do you have any idea what time it is?” Garak all but yelled at him, stepping out from the washroom. He had his hands slick with hair cream and was beginning to rake it through his roots. He was wearing nice, yet casual clothing that Julian noticed made his figure seem slimmer around the middle. More notably though, was his expression. The face he wore revealed absolutely nothing to how he was feeling, which Julian knew meant that he was thoroughly pissed.
“I’m sorry, the hospital needed me there and I—”
“While I understand you are a great doctor and asset to our medical facilities, I do believe cardassian medicine has withstood for centuries without your presence. Therefore, I fail to find the reason that all should now come apart at the seams given that you need to leave, perhaps, on time?” He snarked in a way that was almost condescending. On a normal day, Julian would have taken the bait, but not today. He hadn’t the time for anything but apologies.
“I know, Garak. I know and I’m sorry.” He flung off his shoes at the door and began to haphazardly step out of his pants on the way to the washroom. Despite his apparent anger, Garak allowed Julian to press a kiss to the turn of his jaw as he passed him.
“Please do tell me you intend on washing yourself before our guests arrive. I’m afraid they may deem us unfit by your scent alone.”
“If they were going to deny us, they would have done so the second you opened your mouth.” Garak only smiled back at his remark.
“That did not answer my question.”
“Seriously Garak? I haven’t the time!” He said exasperated.
“My dear, we will make the time.” Garak pressed a hand on the cusp of Julian’s shoulder before letting go and making his way into their kitchen to make dinner.
“Fine, fine.” Julian conceded. He hurriedly pulled his last bits of clothing off and flung himself into the shower. With all of the water rationed after the war, one would think that sonic showers would fall into popularity but that simply wasn’t the case. Cardassia hadn’t the resources to spare and it was easier to take shorter and less frequent showers than it was to install new equipment into each home and public housing facility. Or perhaps, easier for cardassians that is.
Julian likely took the brunt of this blow, as, despite all of the medications and years spent on the planet, he still smoldered the heat of a cardassian summer. Even the little time that he spent outside during these hot days was enough to leave him dripping. He took but a few moments, letting himself be doused in the cool water before scrubbing the rest of his body raw.
“I wouldn’t dally if I were you, doctor!” He heard Garak call from the kitchen. Begrudgingly, he turned off the water.
“Really? Because I was really thinking about installing a chair in there. I thought I could lounge in there a while.”
“I know that cardassians do age somewhat slowly when compared to humans but I hadn’t thought you that decrypted yet, my dear.”
Julian pulled a towel around his waist and headed through the hallway to their bedroom, stopping for just a moment to snip back at Garak.
“I’ve told you time and time again that just because you say ‘my dear’ at the end of an insult doesn’t make it any less of one.”
“Had I conveyed that I was intending it to?” Garak asked coyly and Julian couldn’t help but just roll his eyes.
Had any rational person happen to listen in to their conversations, they would think that the two men hated each other. Though, that perhaps couldn’t have been further from the truth. It was common among cardassians to argue with those who they held dear and, at times, even seen as flirtatious to do so. Not only this, but Julian himself valued the intellectual banter that the two of them had. It was enticing, like solving a never-ending riddle. They never really meant half the bickering they said to one another.
This fact was shown clearly by how Garak had lain out clothes for Julian on their bed. He smiled to himself, feeling that warm tenderness that he had become accustomed to over the years. Layed out for him were a pair of fairly plain looking pants and a dark blue tunic. For as much effort as Garak had been putting into all of this, Julian would have thought he’d been forced to wear something a little more flashy. Though, his clothing was one point he had learned not to argue.
He slipped into the clothes, taking a moment to size himself up in the mirror and running a hand through his damp hair. He liked the look of it and decided to just dry it lightly with the towel before leaving their room. As he opened the door he could smell the beginning of their dinner being made. Something in him couldn’t help but look at the other bedroom that sat empty at the end of the hall. Not much longer now.
Garak stood at their stove, stirring a pot of something vaguely reddish-orange. Julian snuck up behind him, slipping his arms around his waist in that familiar way he always did when Garak cooked them food. He didn’t move, just hummed in contentment and began to shake something earthy smelling into the pot.
“Are you nervous?” Julian asked.
“Never.” Julian just ignored him and carried on.
“Well, I am.”
“That much is evident, my dear.”
“Are you sure that we have everything?”
“Yes.”
“Positive?”
“Completely.”
Julian huffed. “Well, what if—”
He didn’t have to ponder that question for long as a loud chime came from their door.
There was a beat before both he and Garak alike scrambled to collect themselves. It was a race to see who would make it to the door first, but Garak had managed to grab the handle before Julian could. A quick breath in and then—
“Hello, hello!” Naymar pushed past the two men and into the small home. While Naymar was a sweet young woman, she was quite a force, bursting into every room she entered. Still, perhaps that was what made her perfect for the job she had. They both greeted her kindly but both men were more interested in the little creature trailing behind her.
Falling tight to her hip was a tiny, round-eyed cardassian girl. She was seven years old, but you wouldn’t know it. Due to malnourishment in her early years, she was short and skinny and entirely too small for any young girl her age. Julian watched the way she stalked into the room, clearly on edge and holding tight to the hem of Naymar’s skirt.
“Say hello Ildina.” The little girl just gawked, looking about the room and avoiding eye contact with either of them. She didn’t say anything and Naymar shook her head. “I’m sorry about her, she doesn’t do well with talking with new people, or any people for that matter.”
Julian just smiled, he didn’t mind in the slightest. “Oh, I assure you that’s quite alright.” He then bent down to the girl’s eye-level. “It is nice to see you again, Ildina.”
He and Garak had met her once before at the group home, but it wasn’t for very long at all. That day they were mostly filling out paperwork and talking with the caretakers, so they only really were able to see her for a moment. It was a new experience for all of them and she was likely the most anxious out of anyone else.
“Here, let’s move from the doorway, hm?” Garak suggested, telling Naymar where to put Ildina’s bag and leading the small group into the living area. The house itself wasn’t necessarily large, but it was bigger than most were accustomed to now after the war. Many of the larger buildings and neighborhoods in the capital had been completely wiped out. Though, Garak, an influential leader, and Julian, a head doctor, were considered important enough to warrant such housing as this. While they thought it unnecessary, they were grateful.
In the next room, both Garak and Naymar were somehow already chatting about local funding while Garak poured tea. Julian, of course, took this opportunity to socialize with Ildina. He once again bent down to talk with her.
“Would you like to play? We can color if you’d like?” The girl looked at him this time, and her eyes clearly showed her interest. Julian was grateful for all the effort he had put in attempting to read Garak’s emotions because now, he was quite adept at reading a face.
“Yes?” He asked again and Ildina nodded.
In the corner of the room was a small woven basket with a few toys in it. He pulled out a few sheets of paper and the bulky colored crayons. Sitting with the girl on the carpet, he divvied up the supplies and began to draw. He wasn’t the best at it, not that he was really trying all that hard, but at the very least it was recognizable.
“Is that Terok Nor?” He hadn’t realized that Naymar had walked over and was watching the two of them draw.
“It is indeed, or Deep Space Nine as we called it. That is where Garak and I had met.”
“Oh? And what was your business there?”
“Well I was a member of Starfleet at the time and Garak—”
“Was merely a simple tailor.” Garak had cut him off, balancing three cups of tea in his hands.
“Now I wouldn’t say that.” Julian teased.
“Oh is that so?”
“I would say you were more than a simple tailor. You were a very fine tailor if memory serves.” Garak bent down, both to hand him his drink and to inspect his and Ildina’s drawings.
“You flatter me.” He mused and turned to Ildina.“Would you like a glass of tea? I assure you it’s not very hot.”
She tentatively nodded and took the cup from Garak’s grasp. Julian watched as she leaned forward, sniffing the cup and when it was seemingly deemed adequate, taking a small drink. And then another and another until the whole thing was gone.
“I quite like tarkalean tea as well. It’s quite good with honey.” Julian told her.
She tilted her head at the honey part.
“Do you know what honey is?” She shook her head. “Ah, well, it’s something we eat on Earth. It's sort of this sweet, sticky substance made from pollen. The pollen is collected from plants by insects and turned into honey.” She wrinkled her nose. “I guess when I put it like that, it doesn’t sound all appetizing does it?”
Ildina shook her head in response and went back to finishing up her picture.
Julian couldn’t really make out what it was supposed to be. There was clearly some sort of structure to it, but what that structure was attempting to depict, he hadn’t the slightest idea. Sweeping grey and orange lines overtop of a box-like shape. It looked vaguely familiar to Julian but that was all.
Garak, on the other hand, seemed to recognize the picture almost immediately.
“Ah! That is a remarkable depiction, Ildina.”
Julian shifted his head near where Garak was sitting but that didn’t seem to clear it up either. He looked at Garak, hoping that he would illuminate it for the rest of them. Even Ildina didn’t seem convinced that he really knew what it was.
“Well, it is a picture of the Lakat Medical Center. Is it not?” At this, her eyes lit up, clearly giddy that someone had recognized her drawing. Garak was right, once he knew what it was, it wasn’t difficult to see it at all. The swooping, wave-like structure was the roof adornment and the squares and rectangles were the windows and walls. Around the ground were small bushes and flowers. The medical center was one of the few places in the city which still had any sort of landscaping or grounds, any other park or place for recreation had turned to rubble after the war. He wondered of all the things, why was it the hospital that she chose to draw? Naymar beat Julian to the question.
“Why’d you draw that?” She asked. Ildina looked around at their faces for a moment before pausing on Julian.
“You’re a doctor.” Her voice was light and sweet, like the song of a small bird. The moment she spoke Julian’s heart instantly melted and, if he hadn’t known it already, he knew then it was all too late.
“That’s right, I am a doctor at the hospital.”
“You’re human.” She responded.
“Right again. I was born on Earth but I’ve spent a lot of time in space, most of my life really. Though, Cardassia is my home now. I’m very happy to be here.” She seemed content with that answer and flipped over her drawing, now doodling a new picture.
Naymar turned to the two of them and tilted her head to the hallway.
“Would you mind if I spoke with you two a moment?”
“Not at all.” Garak stood and held a hand out to help up his husband.
“I’ll be right back,” Julian told Ildina before taking the hand and heading into the connecting hallway.
“She seems to like you two,” she began once out of earshot. “I was planning on staying for dinner, you know, to help her adjust. Now though, I was thinking that it perhaps might be better if I make a quick exit. You can, of course, call the center if there are any major problems but, as of right now, she’s all yours.”
Julian felt his stomach sink with both excitement and fear.
“So soon?” Garak asked, clearly just as taken aback as Julian was. It wasn’t that they weren’t happy, but this all seemed to be going fairly fast.
“Well, to be honest with you two, there are just so many children who are now looking for homes after the war. We are doing the best we can, caring for them and encouraging people to reach out, but there is only so much we can do. It’s a rare opportunity to see parents as qualified as you two are. I mean, you are both very important people in our community. I thought, why wait?” Naymar looked between the both of them, her face showing the slightest bit of concern. “Unless, of course, you are already reconsidering?”
“Oh no!”
“Of course not.” They both said on top of each other and perhaps too rushed. Julian poked his head in the living room to see Ildina, still trucking away at her drawings and seemingly paying no mind to the adults that had left the room. He then turned back to her.
“I guess the two of us are just nervous is all.”
“That is completely normal with new parents! I promise you two will do wonderful!”
A look passed between the two men and Garak placed a soft hand to Julian’s forearm in comfort. They could do this, they just had to jump.
Naymar then went back into the room. “Ildina?” The girl looked up. “I’m going to be leaving now. You’re going to be staying with Doctor Bashir and Minister Garak, just like we talked about, okay?”
“For tonight?” She asked.
“Yes, and after that too.” The girl’s eye-ridges knitted together as if contemplating the implications of that. It was likely she wouldn’t really understand the full meaning of her staying here until much later. But then, they would have to deal with that later now wouldn’t they?
“Okay.” She said finally, standing up to say goodbye to her caretaker.
“Goodbye for now. Don’t worry, I’ll be back to check on you every now and again to see how you're adjusting.”
“Goodbye miss Naymar.” She patted the girl’s head and turned to Julian and Garak who were following close behind.
“I left her bag by the door. Good luck you two.” She said, lips spreading wide with apparent giddiness.
And then, just like that, the door was shut and they were alone.
Ildina looked at the blank space where Naymar was for some time, unmoving and seemingly trying to come to terms with her absence. After a minute, Julian thought it best to talk with her.
“Hey,” he started, softly. “How about we head into the kitchen?”
She didn’t move, so Garak tried.
“I made dinner for us. Would you like to go eat?” When she turned to face the two of them, her tiny hand gripped onto the hem of Julian’s tunic. She looked somewhat solum, being left alone in this strange place.
But as for Julian, he was practically beaming at the small gesture. He tried to conceal his joy and looked at Garak for guidance. His husband just shrugged in an amusing manner and motioned for Julian to follow him into the kitchen. Ildina was unrelenting in her grip on his shirt but he couldn’t seem to mind. “Where would you like to sit?”
She didn’t say anything.
“Well, you can sit anywhere you like.” She moved to sit, dragging Julian along and into the seat next to her. Garak began to scoop them bowls of the food he had made, putting chunks of what looked like bread into the liquid that was almost immediately soaked up. Julian, while he loved food of all sorts, still had no idea what anything Garak made was. It smelled good though, so that was a start.
“You’ve lived in space?” Ildina asked as Julian was busy watching Garak. She had let go of his shirt and was pulling on the ends of her hair.
“Yes. I worked at a space station for a number of years.”
“Deep Space Nine.”
“That’s right. I was chief medical officer there.”
“Did you like it there?”
“Very much. That’s where I met many of my friends and Garak too.”
She paused, taking a moment to find the right words.
“I thought that people from space were bad.”
Julian’s eyes darted up to Garak who had stopped what he was doing as well. Of course she would think people from space were bad. Ildina’s whole life, she knew nothing but the aftermath of war. They knew little of the details of her life before, the horrors of what she could have lived through. It was likely that most, if not all, of her family was dead. Ildina was too small to understand who or what the Dominion were, but she knew what they had done. They were just people from the stars— people who had hurt her home.
Julian had to choose his words carefully.
“Well, I guess some can be. But the galaxy is full of all sorts of people, with different worlds and cultures and ideas. When I was in space, I did meet a lot of bad people, a lot of people who wanted to hurt me or those that I cared about. But I also made a lot of friends. They are all wonderful people. They are scientists and explorers and leaders and parents. And I would wager that, deep down, there’s more good than bad in the galaxy.”
“Or perhaps there is no good and bad, and that such thoughts are merely subjective.” Garak chimed in, setting their meals down on the table. Julian batted at him.
“Garak, let’s not get philosophical right now. It’s likely been a long day for everyone already.”
He grinned at the girl as if the two of them now shared a new secret. “A conversation for another time then.”
The food was, unsurprisingly, very good despite not having too many ingredients. Garak thought it best not to choose anything too different as neither of them knew what Ildina would or would not like. Thankfully, she seemed to have no problem as she ate the food with no complaints.
Julian and Garak chatted idly as they ate, Ildina just listening quietly. Julian assumed that she might have been a tad overstimulated by all the new things happening to her, so he took to not asking her too many more questions. He figured that she would talk if she wanted to.
When they had finished, Julian cleaned their dishes from the table. When he came back he found Garak chatting softly with the girl.
“—and that was when Julian fell down an entire flight of stairs in front of ten important federation diplomats.”
“You do realize I can hear you?”
“Ah yes! Your human hearing must have slipped my mind.”
“I’m sure it did.” He said sarcastically.
Ildina giggled at this, though her laughs quickly turned into a yawn. Her eyelids fluttered and lashes fell heavy on her cheeks in the most adorable fashion that Julian had to try hard to not swoon.
“How about we show you your room? Would you like that?”
Ildina nodded, getting up from her seat and latching onto Garak’s shirt. Julian walked over to the door and grabbed the girl’s bag that was surprisingly light. Her whole life, everything she had until now, was able to be shoved into this tiny backpack.
Julian and Garak had spent weeks turning her room from an unused office to something a little girl would like. Garak had assured him several times that cardassian children typically had very plain rooms, so they were seen as a place to sleep and not to play. Julian still wanted it to feel like home to her, somewhere that was just hers. Miles and Keiko had sent them some children’s things that Molly had grown out of and the others had sent a few things here and there as well.
Garak had personally put pots lining her windows with all sorts of different plants. They really made the room pop and Ildina immediately were drawn to them once entering.
“Do you like them?” She nodded, cradling a red leaf in her palm. “That one is a Makenth. It only holds that vibrant red color in hot weather, when it becomes cool it will turn a lovely shade of violet.”
She pointed to a plant with small, yellow flowers. “And that is Nhemeni. It typically blooms in spring and will hold those flowers until late summer.”
She then gently motioned to the plant next to it and looked at Garak expectantly. The plant had dozens of tiny leafed vines that willowed loosely down the side of the planter. “That, my dear, is the plant Ildina, known for its healing properties and calming scent.”
Her face burst into joy and confusion. “Ildina?” She asked, holding the plant as though it was something precious.
“Yes, it’s called Ildina, the same as your name. It is very beautiful.”
“Beautiful.” She said the word to herself, turning the leaves over in her palm. Julian wished at this moment that he wouldn’t have turned on his universal translator. He had been contemplating whether his Kardasi was good enough to not use it, but ultimately he had decided to do so to avoid confusion. Now though, he wondered what form of “beautiful” they were actually using.
Julian took the backpack that was slung over his shoulder and gave it to the girl. She took the bag but did not open it.
“Here, you can go get washed up before bed.” The three of them moved to the bathroom. “You have your own little shelf over here for all your things.” He motioned to a basket filled with hair ties, a toothbrush, soaps, and all sorts of things she may need.
“We made sure to provide you with all your basic necessities, but if you find yourself needing anything else, do not hesitate to ask.” She nodded, sifting through all of the things they had gotten her.
“We’ll be in the other room if you need anything, alright?” She nodded and the two of them stepped out of the doorway and shut the door. Garak had assured Julian that cardassian children were extremely independent and prided themselves on such things. Children as young as four would walk to and from school by themselves and parents were expected to give them this freedom. The thought made Julian nervous but he understood where they were coming from.
He and Garak walked into the living room, Julian bending down to put the coloring back in the basket and Garak grabbing the cups they had used for tea earlier to bring to the kitchen.
“How are you holding up?” Julian asked, coming up from behind Garak to set his head on his shoulder.
“Referring to?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Stress? Fatigue? Being a new parent isn’t necessarily easy, Garak.”
“It is only the first night of many, my dear.”
“I know that. I just want to make a good impression is all. It’s not like she got to choose us.”
“Nor did either of us choose our parents.”
“Yeah, we might have been better off if we did.” Julian thought of all the things that the two of them had to endure throughout their respective childhoods. Neither he nor Garak was ever seen as good enough for their parents; they both were imperfect things that needed to be molded, changed into whatever versions of themselves that their parents wanted them to be.
Perhaps that was why Julian was so anxious, he wanted to make sure that Ildina knew that whoever she was or wanted to become, he would gladly accept and love her.
As if sensing Julian’s persistent unease, Garak turned and lightly tapped a kiss against Julian’s cheekbone, right underneath his eye. He slipped his chin off of Garak’s shoulder.
“Thank you.” And he returned the favor, tenderly kissing him on the lips. In a moment Julian was being heaved off the ground, Garak’s arms around his waist, lifting him higher for yet another kiss. Their lips met between smiles, both feeling light. “Woah, don’t go straining yourself,” Julian laughed.
“I assure you, doctor, lifting your weight is of no effort to me.”
“Are you saying I’m small?” He teased.
“In some aspects, I suppose.”
“Now what are you trying to imply?”
“Well surely, by comparison, you are considerably thinner.”
“I’m sure that’s what you meant.” And despite his words, Julian closed his eyes, ready for another kiss.
“Doctor Julian?”
Ildina’s voice broke the two of them apart, Julian quickly attempting to brush off the embarrassment of being caught already.
“Oh, I’m sorry Ildina. Are you all ready for bed?” Her hair was down, her face still damp from washing, and her clothes were now loose pajamas.
“Mhm,” She agreed and trotted to her bedroom, bare feet tapping against the tile floors. Julian turned to Garak and just shrugged helplessly. Together, they followed the girl to her room where she was already getting nestled into the bed that was much too big for her.
Ildina had pulled what looked like a small animal doll from her bag. It was clearly quite old and Julian had no idea what it was supposed to be. It kind of looked like a mouse, but then again, he wasn’t all too familiar with cardassian pets.
“Would you like us to leave a light on?” Julian asked, but Ildina just shook her head.
“Are you sure? It can get quite dark.”
“Mhm.”
“Do you need anything else before you go to bed then?”
“I’m okay.” She said confidently.
“Are you sure? I could get—” Garak cut him off with a hand on the shoulder.
“I believe it is time that we let her get some sleep, my dear.”
“Oh,” Julian realized he must have been coddling her. “I guess Garak’s right. But if you need anything throughout the night, you can wake us up at any time. Okay?”
“Okay.” She yawned.
“Alright. Well, goodnight Ildina.”
“Goodnight Doctor Julian.”
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight Mister Garak.”
Julian shut off the light and moved through the doorway as Garak shut the door behind him. Together, they went to their own room and prepared for bed. Though this was their usual nightly routine of washing and changing, it all felt strange.
“It all feels rather rehearsed doesn’t it?” Julian asked when he finally cuddled on top of the bed. It was much too hot for him to use the blanket, and so he typically just slept on it with Garak tucked in. Garak, who was sitting on the edge and still brushing through his hair, turned to him.
“Hm?”
“It feels like we’re newlyweds again, doesn’t it? Like everything is new again.”
Garak mulled this over. “Perhaps that is why couples often choose to have so many children.”
Julian just hummed in response, clearly contemplating something. It wasn’t until Garak had laid down next to him and gotten situated under the covers that he finally asked, “Would you or I have the baby?”
“Excuse me?”
“If we were to have a baby, which one of us do you think would carry it?”
Garak was at a complete loss for words. “I hate to inform you of this Doctor, but seeing as we are both men—”
“Yes, yes, I know! I’m just speculating. Like if we could conceive a child together, which one of us would get knocked up.”
“I fail to see the point in such speculation.” Garak rolled over as if to end the conversation but then in a moment remarked. “Though, I hardly doubt that I would carry it.”
“Well, I wouldn’t carry it either.”
“Is it not convenient then that neither of us can bear children?”
“Yeah, I guess we are pretty lucky.”
“We are indeed. Ildina is a lovely girl." Garak paused to yawn, "Goodnight, my dear.” He said before kissing Julian's cheek.
“Goodnight.”
Despite all the anxiety that had plagued him, at this moment, Julian knew that it was going to be okay.