Chapter Text
Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
If she had envisioned her death before it had been vague and far off, with her young and powerful on a battlefield; or very old, surrounded by people she loves. Not sobbing in the snow while her family sits at home, stewing in the knowledge that their daughter has been denatured.
Angrily, she flings a pebble off the edge of the icy cliff, watches it ricochet on the jagged rocks below into the bubbling ocean.
It makes sense. It makes a lot of sense. An avatar who can't bend can't protect anyone and Korra couldn't even protect herself. And the only way to replace an avatar -
- well.
She's thought about it. She thought about little else on her journey to the South Pole. One last sacrifice.
She wonders who her successor will be - some earth kingdom child, not yet born.
The snow creaks under her boots and she takes a ragged breath, wiping her eyes on the furry cuff of her parka. The cold air stings her lungs.
"Korra!"
A voice carries to her through the biting wind. Feminine and sophisticated and hoarse from trekking across the tundra.
She turns and sees Asami plunging towards her through the deep snow, her cheeks bitten pink by the wind.
Korra pulls back from the edge and plunges her hands into her pockets. "What are you doing here?" she asks, too tired to be polite.
Asami gives her a pitying look. "I was worried," she says, and she sounds genuine. "I thought you shouldn't be alone."
Korra wants to pretend she doesn't understand but as she sees the pure concern in Asami's face something inside her breaks. That someone cares - even if it's Asami, not exactly her biggest fan - it's just too much. Her face crumples and she gives in.
Asami immediately pulls her into a hug, letting Korra tuck her head under the taller girl's chin. It feels like her emotions are being wrung out of her.
"I have to," she chokes out. "As long as I'm alive, there's no avatar."
Asami squeezes her tighter.
"You are the avatar," she says firmly, her cold fingers digging into Korra's shoulders. "Nothing can change that. Not Amon, not anyone."
She sags into the other girl's grip, wanting desperately to believe that it's true, but how can it be? Her whole life she's been learning to master the elements and now... she has nothing.
"I don't know if I can live like this," she whispers, half hoping the wind carries her words away. Wanting to die from a sense of duty is one thing, but actually wanting it, she doesn't want to admit to that.
Asami pushes her away, keeping her hands firmly on her shoulders so she can look her straight in the eye.
"You'll only find out if you try," she says fiercely, her eyes bright with tears.
One overflows and runs down her cheek gracefully. Trust Asami to even cry in a photogenic way.
It seems wrong to let Asami cry over her. She raises a hand to brush it away but the other girl drops her hands from Korra's shoulders and recoils, wiping her face on the cuff of her coat.
Korra steps back, unsure what made her make such an intimate gesture.
"So are we going back?" Asami asks.
She nods wearily and the other girl's shoulders sag. Together they trudge through the track their steps cut.
Korra looks back over her shoulder to the cliff and the water beyond it, her heart tugging in her chest.
::
As the compound comes into view Korra is struck with a terror - people are already treating her gingerly, if they knew what she'd been about to do they'd never let her out of their sight. After months of freedom in Republic City she can't imagine being bricked in again.
The idea of anyone knowing makes a tight, hot shame bubble up in her stomach. Her parents...
"Please don't tell anyone what... where I was," she says quietly as they pass under the arched gate of the White Lotus compound.
"Don't worry," Asami says. "Your secret is safe with me."
The strange thing is, Korra believes her.
::
She wakes up and for the second morning remembers that Amon took her bending away. Getting out of bed seems pointless - normally she would stretch and go through her forms, maybe do a little more in-depth practice if it was a big day. Now, well. What do non-benders do for exercise anyway?
She burrows deeper in her blankets, trying to delay going out into the world a little longer. She'll have to face it soon enough but right now she just wants to cry into her pillow.
The world doesn't seem to be willing to give her that, though. Her door opens and Tenzin swishes into her room.
"Are you awake yet Korra?"
She gives a little grunt of reply. Tenzin knows her too well to be offended.
"We're setting off soon, I thought you'd like the chance to say goodbye."
She sits bolt upright. "What? You're all leaving me here?"
It makes sense, she supposes, she was only in Republic City to learn airbending, and she won't be a Fire Ferret any more.
"We thought you would want to stay here with your family while you recover." He sounds sympathetic. And also like he desperately doesn't want to be having this conversation.
"But all my friends..."
She doesn't have friends here. There were a few boys and girls she'd known when she was little but they've all moved on, built lives from themselves while she had been increasingly stifled by the White Lotus. Some of her masters had children her age but they're long gone.
She has to go back to Republic City.
"I'm coming back with you," she blurts out, hoping it sounds firm.
"Korra, I really don't think that's what's best for you right now."
"Tenzin, please!"
He considers her for a moment, his face pained.
"Come downstairs once you're dressed, we can talk about it together."
He leaves and Korra staggers out of her bed and into yesterday's clothes.
::
Gathered downstairs are all the people most important to her: her parents, Katara, Tenzin, Lin Beifong, Mako, Bolin and Asami. They look tired and drawn, and as she emerges in the doorway their conversation stops abruptly. Korra has the uncomfortable feeling she knows who they were discussing.
The silence drags on and the assembled crowd glance around each other, no one sure what to say. Korra supposes she should be the one to break it.
"I want to go back to Republic City with you."
Their faces take on a mixture of worry and surprise. Her mother, her eyes red and shadowed, is the first to speak.
"Korra, have you thought about this? It's not safe there, and now even less! We should think about this."
"I agree," Tenzin weighs in solemnly. "You need time to think, Korra, and to come to terms with what's happened."
The group stares at her and she feels more than ever like a bug under a microscope. Even when she was doing interviews, speaking to hoardes of pushy journalists, it hadn't felt like this, like everyone was waiting for her to fall to pieces.
The only person who won't look at her is Mako. He stares at his hands clasped in front of him.
She doesn't know what to say.
"I want - "
"They're right, Korra," Mako cuts her off, still staring straight ahead. "It's not safe for you there."
It's too much. She's angry but all her body seems to want to do these days is cry and the tears are right there, ready to start falling. Her cheeks burn.
"If Korra wants to stay in Republic City, then that's what she'll do."
Everyone turns to look at Lin. She's sitting ramrod straight and she ignores their stares and meet Korra's eyes dead on. "Amon took her bending, we can't take her life."
The other adults shift uncomfortably. Tenzin opens his mouth, ready to argue but she cuts him off sharply.
"I'm in the same boat, remember, and I can still wake up and tie my shoelaces. Don't presume to tell Korra she can't."
"I agree with Lin," Asami speaks up. Everyone seems to be surprised to hear her speak. Mako's glare intensifies. "As the only non-bender here I think I'm qualified to say that it doesn't mean she has to hide away."
Attention turns to Korra, looking to see what she'll do next. She's trembling but she won't let them see. She sets her jaw and summons every ounce of authority she learned as the avatar.
"I'm coming to Republic City and that's final. I'll go pack my things so we can be on our way."
She turns and flees to her room as soon as she's said the last word. The sound of tightly controlled arguing follows her upstairs.
When she's alone she can't stop the tears. She's never cried so much in so little time but they won't stop, as intractable as rain.
She knows she still looks tear tracked and puffy when she goes out to the courtyard with her few possessions packed but she tries not to care. Everyone is loading onto the ship and saying their farewells.
Senna hugs her daughter tightly. She pulls back a little to look Korra in the face.
"Are you sure, darling? You can stay here, with people who love you."
"I'm sure mum," she says, trying to sound reassuring. "I'll be fine."
"That Mako is a nice boy, are you interested - "
Oh, not this. "Maybe, mum."
She doesn't feel like kissing her goodbye any more.
She hugs her father and Katara and then boards the ship, reminded of her last voyage north when things were much simpler.
As they take off and the waving figures of her family recede into the distance she feels something like relief in her chest.