Archive of Our Own

There was something amazing about the way that one little small lie could completely spiral out of control.

For example, during his college orientation Katsuki had pretended he couldn’t hear anyone so he didn’t have to listen to that four-eyed rich kid prattle on about every little fun fact about the campus, the programs, the buildings, the kinds of trees that grew in the quad…  Add in the fact that he’d learned sign language when he was younger and had grown to be damn near fluent, and he’d easily been able to convince the entire group that he was Deaf and couldn’t hear or talk to them.

Unfortunately, that glasses guy and his holier-than-thou attitude had taken it upon himself to ensure that the entire housing office knew and so did everyone in their major.  Because of course they shared a major.  Within the course of a week, just about everyone Katsuki would be interacting with in his first year of college had been informed that he was Deaf.

He’d considered coming clean and admitting he just didn’t want to talk to any of those assholes, but that would involve a) letting four-eyes have leverage over him or some sort of power that Katsuki didn’t care for and b) admitting that he could in fact hear his classmates and open himself up the potential risk of socializing.  Both were things he didn’t care for.

On the other hand, playing along for the next four years (three if he could finish early, which he probably could) would mean avoiding the one person he knew at that school already, Deku, which he’d already planned on doing, and not talking to anyone the entire time.

Weighing the pros and cons, Katsuki decided that keeping quiet was his best bet.

Especially considering he’d be living in the dorms in close quarters with someone, he figured it would be better if they didn’t know he could hear and talk to them.  He really wasn’t in the mood to get chummy with anyone.  But of course, he wouldn’t be so lucky.

“Hey there!” his new roommate signed to him on move-in day.  “I’m Kirishima Eijirou!  I heard from Iida that you were Deaf, so your assigned roommate and I switched places since I know sign language!”

Of course fucking Four-Eyes had managed to find one of the few people on campus that was fluent in sign.

Katsuki had been angry at first, but he was surprised to find that he didn’t mind having Kirishima around.  He was loud, but he couldn’t react to that without giving himself away.  Besides, it wasn’t necessarily in an unpleasant way.  He was just enthusiastic.  He was always smiling and optimistic.  There was just something about his toothy smile and exuberance that balanced well with Katsuki’s pessimism.

Before, Katsuki had only made friends with people that looked up to him.  He was athletic, smart, objectively good-looking and people seemed to like that.  They followed him despite his attitude.  Katsuki hadn’t minded because that kind of worship did something to his ego, but all of his relationships felt sort of flat because of it.  Meeting Kirishima made him realize that he might have been missing something all along.

Whenever Katsuki tried to hide away in their dorm room, Kirishima was always there to drag him out.  To the dining hall, football games, movies, it didn’t matter.  But there was something about the way that Kirishima smiled at him that made him feel like Kirishima didn’t want Katsuki there because being around him made him feel cool, but because he genuinely wanted to spend time with him.

Katsuki didn’t understand it, but it was kind of nice.

“I learned sign language because there was a girl in my elementary school that was Deaf,” Kirishima explained one day.  He’d dragged Katsuki down the dining hall, interrupting his study session.  Katsuki had been mad at first since it was mid-terms, but all Katsuki had done all week was study.  It turned out that taking a break to get food and listen to Kirishima prattle on about his day was exactly the break he’d needed.

Kirishima always seemed to know what Katsuki needed.

So, he’d asked him why he’d learned sign language in the first place.

“You seriously learned another fucking language because you had a crush on a stupid girl?” Katsuki shot back.

“No,” Kirishima signed, smiling shyly.  “I’d never really thought of her that way.  Or any girl, really.  Just, uh, she looked lonely, you know?  Nobody ever bothered to try to talk to her because they couldn’t understand her and she couldn’t understand them, so she was always left out.  Nobody even tried to meet her on her level.  So, I decided to learn so she wouldn’t be lonely anymore.”

“Oh,” was all Katsuki was able to muster.

“Yeah.  We were really good friends for a while, but we ended up going to different middle schools.  I wonder how she’s doing now…”

Adding to Katsuki’s list of reasons why he couldn’t admit he wasn’t deaf: for some stupid fucking reason, he’d feel bad about lying to Kirishima.  The dumbass thought he was a prickly asshole because he was cut off from people.  He didn’t know how to explain that he’d made this whole lie up because he was, in fact, just a prickly asshole.

And so time went on, passed between midnight convenience store runs and finals weeks running on more anxiety than sleep and Saturday night subtitled movies that ended with Kirishima passed out in Katsuki’s bed or vice versa.  It was a delicate kind of peace and a special kind of comfort that made Katsuki wonder why he’d been so keen on avoiding people in the first place.

Well, almost.  It was easy to remember when Kirishima brought around some of his other non-signing friends.  Especially the Pikachu Wannabe that accidentally blew a fuse in a physics lab by plugging a multimeter into the wall socket (he wanted to test the voltage, apparently), the Soy Sauce Face that was found taped to the ceiling of the commons (some dare that almost definitely had alcohol involved in it, although the RA’s never found any), and the Pink Haired Idiot that could barely tie her shoes but somehow managed to be passably decent at chemistry (she’d mixed a bunch of acids together as a kid and melted a hole in a table and thought they were the coolest thing since).  They were also very loud and very friendly, but lacked a certain finesse that made it acceptable for Kirishima to act that way.

It was Pinky most of all that pissed off Katsuki, although he couldn’t understand quite why.  Maybe it was the way she seemed to drape herself over Kirishima whenever she got the chance or stole his food and drinks or wore his sweaters around.  She just had no sense of personal space and that’s what bothered Katsuki.  No other reason.

Kirishima only laughed when Katsuki mentioned it.

“Dude, if I didn’t know better, I would think you were jealous,” he signed while doubled over laughing.

“Why the fuck would I be jealous?”

“Because it sounds like you’re pissed that Ashido acts like we’re dating.”

Katsuki blinked.  He wasn’t jealous…  No, he definitely wasn’t.  That would be stupid.  Why would he be jealous of his friend roommate dating someone?

“Well, are you?” he asked bluntly.  His heart raced in his chest, anxious to hear the answer.

“Are we what?”

“Dating,” Katsuki rolled his eyes, telling himself that he didn’t care but caring way too much about the answer nonetheless.

“Oh, no!” Kirishima laughed again, but this time seemed a bit nervous.  “Uh, I mentioned before that I’ve never really liked girls, right?”

Katsuki nodded, “Yeah, and?”

“Well…  I sort of like guys?  I’m sorry if that’s weird for you!  I know we’ve been living together for a while now and I’ve definitely seen you in your underwear a lot and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable!”

“Oh, so you’re gay,” Katsuki stated, shrugging.  “Ok.”

“Ok?” Kirishima signed sheepishly.

“Yeah?  I’ll keep barely tolerating you either way, dumbass.”

Kirishima grinned happily back at him.  He didn’t need to say anything else because everything else he wanted to say was in that smile.  It said, “thank you for accepting me.”  It said, “I’m glad you’re not uncomfortable with it.”  It said, “I know you love having me around, but you’re too shy to say it.”

Nothing really changed between them after that.

That was a lie.

They didn’t change, but Katsuki couldn’t help but notice certain things.  Like the way Kirishima liked to cuddle something when he slept, whether that was a pillow, his favorite shark plushy, or a person.  Or the way Kirishima always chewed on straws until they were barely recognizable.  Or the way he always mouthed words when he signed.  Or the way his mouth moved as he was silently reading when they studied.

Katsuki wasn’t going to think too much about how much time he spent looking at Kirishima’s mouth.  Nope, he definitely didn’t need to dwell on that particular thought.

Other than Katsuki’s newfound hypervigilance, they stayed the same.  Kirishima was an idiot, Katsuki put up with him anyway, and they shared hours of silent conversation like they were living in a world entirely of their own.  Like nothing and no one else mattered.  Katsuki wouldn’t have it any other way.

It happened suddenly, but that was the way these things generally did.  Nothing big or spectacular happened; it just an accumulation of a million little things converging on an instant moment where everything clicked.  And Kirishima had always been the type to say what was on his mind.

They were in their dorm room, studying in theory but actually spending more time joking around.  Finally, Katsuki put his foot down and hurled his pillow and Kirishima’s face.

“Oi, that’s it!  You’re working on your fucking essay and I’m gonna fucking study.  And you better be done with that draft by the time I’m done reviewing slides, or I’m not proofreading your shit for you,” Katsuki signed while trying to look stern.  He failed at doing so.

“Come on, Katsuki, you wouldn’t leave me high and dry like that!  I’m pretty sure you’re the only reason I’m passing this class,” Kirishima whined.

“Damn right I am,” he smirked.  “But if you’re not gonna put in the effort, I ain’t helping you anymore.  Got it?”

“Ok, ok!  I’m working!” he laughed.  “Don’t need to be so mean about it!”

“You fucking love it, don’t lie.  You’d fucking die without me,” Katsuki rolled his eyes and ducked behind his laptop screen, intent on focusing and ignoring anything else Kirishima tried to sign at him.  There was a moment of silence where the only sound was the occasional click of a computer mouse before Kirishima spoke.

“Yeah…,” he breathed.  “I do love it…  Because…  I love you.”

Katsuki froze, keeping his eyes glued to his screen.

“And I think I would die without you.  I don’t know how I lived without you before, but I never want to find out if I can do it again.”

The room was silent again before Katsuki remembered he was supposed to at least look like he was reading something and clicked a button on his computer.

“Right!” Kirishima jumped suddenly, grabbing his own laptop in a fury.  “I’m gonna finish this essay and I’ll make you proud, even if you never feel the same way!”

He started typing furiously, leaving Katsuki to dwell on his thoughts in relative silence.

There was no way he’d be able to unhear what he’d just heard.  Kirishima had spoken, assuming that Katsuki couldn’t hear it and admitting that he had would mean admitting that he’d been lying to Kirishima for almost six months.  Besides the blow to his own dignity, Katsuki couldn’t bear to see the look of complete and utter betrayal of trust on Kirishima’s face.  He didn’t even want to begin to think about how hurt he would be if he found out that Katsuki had been lying to him this entire time.  Any love Kirishima felt for him, any semblance of friendship or something more would be gone in an instant.  Katsuki knew that breaking something like that would mean breaking it forever and never being able to undo it.

But why did Katsuki care so much about what Kirishima thought or felt?  When had he ever cared about anyone’s feelings this much before?

Katsuki stared blankly at his computer screen as he tried to find the answer to his questions.  There was just something about Kirishima that made him different.  He was good and kind.  But then again, the same could be said for Deku and Katsuki really didn’t give a rat’s ass about hurting his feelings.  Maybe it was because Kirishima had done so much to include and accommodate Katsuki, going so far as to act as a translator for him whenever anybody around them was talking.  But once again, that wasn’t something exclusive to Kirishima.  The entire reason he was in this mess to begin with was because fucking Iida Tenya had decided to try to help Katsuki without asking if his help was even wanted.  And once again, Katsuki really could not care less about what Iida thought.  In fact, he’d long since stopped caring about what Iida thought.  He had mostly been keeping up his charade as a Deaf student to avoid talking to people whenever possible and because it seemed to mean so much to Kirishima.

So that left Katsuki to wonder once more what made Kirishima so special.  So special to him.

It shouldn’t be that hard of a question.  There were a lot of special things about Kirishima.

Kirishima could out eat just about anyone in the cafeteria, which was saying something.  He had a weird affinity for sharks because he also had weirdly sharp teeth and thought that made them similar.  He was extremely social, much to Katsuki’s annoyance, and seemed to know everyone on campus.  He was a little scared of the dark and didn’t like scary movies, but watched them because Katsuki liked them.  He had no sense of style and would try to wear two different kinds of animal print at once with crocs if nobody stopped him.  He snored softly, but only if he was really tired.  He was a bit of a slob, but was meticulous about cleaning equipment at the gym.

He was unyieldingly kind.  He was insecure and often worried that he wasn’t smart enough to be at a university.  He wanted to do something that would help people someday, but he didn’t know what.  He always seemed to know exactly what people needed before they knew themselves.

Kirishima was the only person Katsuki had ever known that actually knew how to deal with his shit attitude when he was upset.  Kirishima was tough enough to take Katsuki’s explosive temper, but soft enough to be there to talk things through with him.  He always let Katsuki take things at his own pace, no matter how long it took.

To Katsuki, Kirishima felt safe and comfortable.  He felt like home.

He made him feel like…

Like he had no idea how he’d lived without him before.  And like he didn’t ever want to try to find out.

…

Oh.

Oh.

Fuck.

That one little confession to deaf ears must have done something for Kirishima because that was not the last time Katsuki found himself overhearing something he wasn’t meant to.

It happened a week later when Katsuki was sitting on his bed scrolling through his phone.  He would have preferred to be listening to music, but of course he couldn’t without giving up the lie.  It was a side affect he hadn’t anticipated when he’d decided to keep living this way.

“You really are so pretty,” Kirishima spoke, his voice barely a whisper.  Katsuki steeled his emotions, doing everything he could to keep from reacting.

“You really are,” Kirishima continued.  “You’re just sitting there and you’re so pretty to look at.  Fuck, what am I doing…”

Kirishima groaned and flopped back on his bed while Katsuki kept scrolling, unable to process the words on the screen as he tried to process what he’d just heard.

A few days later, they were studying in the library.  Katsuki furiously scribbled in his notebook as he tried to puzzle out equations, but nothing was clicking quite right.  He wasn’t sure exactly what he’d done wrong, but he knew he was doing something wrong.  Rather than erasing the problem, Katsuki scratching it out with vengeance before flipping to the next page and starting over.

“God, I love the face you make when you’re concentrating,” Kirishima sighed dreamily.  Katsuki scowled at his worksheet.  “I know you know you’re smart, but I’m so damn obsessed with your brain.  You really are incredible, Katsuki.”

Katsuki began working on the problem once again, trying to focus on solving it rather than what Kirishima had said.

Five minutes, he scribbled it out again and started over again.

A part of Katsuki loved to hear these little confessions.  They slowly but surely became near daily affirmations.  Katsuki loved the praise, but more than that, he was addicted to the way it made his chest ache.  He yearned for more, more of the sound of Kirishima’s voice speaking his name in that tender way, more of his sincere feelings that could only be shared with Katsuki.  He wanted more.

Then again, that was also the problem.  As much as Kirishima’s confessions professed his love for Katsuki, they also made Katsuki painfully aware of how he felt about Kirishima and how powerless he was to do anything about it.  Sure, he could confess in sign language and they could try to build a relationship from there, but it would be built entirely on a lie.  Katsuki knew that wouldn’t be right or fair.  He could come clean, but then he would risk losing Kirishima forever.  His friendship and feelings that could never be reciprocated was better than not having him at all.

It was a fucking mess, a Jenga tower just waiting to topple over if it was knocked wrong.  Deep down, Katsuki knew it was really only a matter of time before it did happen but he’d try to keep it up as long as possible.  If he was lucky, he might be able to keep it up until the end of the school year.

But of course, if Katsuki was anything, he most certainly wasn’t lucky.

__________

“Ok, I get what you mean about black coffee being manly and all, but it just tastes so bad!” Kirishima signed fervently.

“Just admit you’re not manly enough to handle it and shut up,” Katsuki shot back.  The two were standing in one of the coffee shops on campus.  A certain somebody had insisted that they stay up late watching movies, which meant they’d woken up late and missed breakfast hours at the school cafeteria.  Which also meant Katsuki hadn’t been able to grab any coffee, which meant Kirishima had about an hour to get caffeine into his system before his life was in danger.  So naturally, Kirishima had offered to get them both coffee and breakfast and Katsuki’s favorite coffee shop.

Which was something they did together a lot, Katsuki reminded himself.  It definitely wasn’t a date.

“Hey, man, that’s not very nice!” Kirishima signed.

“I’m not very nice.”

“That’s not true,” Kirishima laughed.  “You’re just…  A bit rough around the edges.  It’s part of why I like you.”

Katsuki’s breath hitched in his throat.  Could this be it…?  A confession he was allowed to understand?

“Anyway, I think it’s manly to be able to admit what you like and don’t like.  And I happen to like coffee that doesn’t taste like coffee,” Kirishima signed quickly.

Katsuki rolled his eyes, letting his shoulders droop.  Of course, Kirishima wouldn’t say anything.  He knew they couldn’t make it work.  He knew that and it was stupid to get his hopes up.

“Whatever you fucking say.  Just go order,” he signed, pushing Kirishima playfully toward the register.

Even if nothing else happened, this was still nice.  Everything was fine as long as nothing changed.

“Kacchan?”

Fuck.

He’d gone months on this damned campus avoiding the one person that knew the truth.  Months avoiding one person.  Of all the times, of all the people he could have been with, why then?  Why when he was with Kirishima?  Why?

Katsuki swallowed hard, keeping his eyes straight ahead.  If he could keep a poker face during Kirishima’s love confessions, he could sure as fuck keep it up when fucking Deku of all people tried to talk to him.

“Kacchan, is that you?” Deku repeated, tapping him on the shoulder.

“Huh?” Kirishima perked up, noticing the movement from the corner of his eye.

Katsuki bit his tongue.  He was fucked.

“Kacchan…?” Kirishima questioned.  “Oh!  You must mean Bakugou!”

“Er, yeah, sorry, I know it’s kind of confusing.  It’s just what I’ve called him since we were kids…  You must be a friend of his.  I’m Midoriya Izuku, by the way.”

“Kirishima Eijirou!” he beamed.  “Nice to meet you.  And nice to know Bakugou has other friends.”

Katsuki reached over and tugged on Kirishima’s sleeve, until Kirishima looked over at him.  He quickly signed that they should go, but Kirishima only responded with a look of confusion.

“I’m surprised we haven’t bumped into each other already, Kacchan.  My mom had mentioned that your mom told her we’d be at the same university, so I was hoping we’d run into each other at some point.  I guess we’ve both been busy, though,” Deku rambled on.

Kirishima shot Katsuki a look that told him he could tell he was uncomfortable with Deku around, but for entirely the wrong reasons.  It didn’t matter though as long as they could get the fuck out of there.  The last thing Katsuki needed was Kirishima asking questions.

“Sorry, I’m mumbling again,” Deku apologized, fidgeting with his fingers.  “Just, uh, it’s nice to see you and all, even if we aren’t really friends or anything…”

“Dude, don’t take this the wrong way, but can you stop?  Or like, slow down or something?” Kirishima interrupted.

Katsuki tugged at his sleeve again, shooting a glare saying his way, but Kirishima shrugged it off.

“I’m…  Sorry?” Deku said, taken aback.

“Just, dude, you know Bakugou, right?  Like, come on.  Only like, 30% of words can be accurately lipread, so if you’re gonna make him lipread instead of signing or writing at least take it slow.”

Katsuki grabbed Kirishima and yanked him backwards.  If Kirishima wouldn’t leave the conversation, Katsuki would remove him by force.  Kirishima was having none of it.

“No, Bakugou,” Kirishima signed at him furiously.  “You shouldn’t have to put up with stuff like this.  You might be used to it, but you deserve better.  People should be more considerate and it should be on them to change, not on you to deal with it.”

“Just fucking leave it,” Katsuki signed back, but Kirishima had already turned back to Deku.

“I’m sorry,” Deku apologized fervently, “But why is Kacchan lipreading?”

“Because he’s Deaf, dude,” Kirishima signed and spoke simultaneously.  “If you two are old buddies or whatever, you should know that.  Like, I get that your first instinct is to fall back on speaking to talk to someone and that you two haven’t seen each other in a while, but still.  You gotta stop and think these things through.  Can’t you see how uncomfortable he is by it?  Not to be rude or anything, but I don’t blame him for not trying to find you on campus this entire time.”

Deku blinked dumbly at the tirade Kirishima had just unleashed on him, glancing back and forth between the two of them as he processed the information.  Katsuki could only freeze, debating whether or not tackling Deku through the café window would make matters better or worse.

“But…  But Kacchan’s not deaf,” Deku said, dumbfounded.

“What do you mean he’s not Deaf?” Kirishima quirked an eyebrow.  “Of course he’s Deaf!”

“But…  He’s not?” Deku said.  “Kacchan’s always had perfect hearing.”

“What?” Kirishima looked back at Katsuki, questioningly.

“I mean, he did learn sign language back in elementary school so he could swear at the teacher without getting in trouble.  But that doesn’t mean he’s deaf.”

Kirishima furrowed his brow, looking from Katsuki to Deku and back again.

“But…  But everyone knows he’s Deaf…,” he said and signed.  “Right, Bakugou?  You really are Deaf, right?”

In that moment, Katsuki forgot how to breathe, letting his lungs empty like old birthday party balloons.  Yes, he could deny everything the Deku said and try to go back to the way things had been.  But with Kirishima looking at him like that…  Could he really lie to him?  When he’d spent so long lying to him?  Could he really justify continuing to lie to him like that?

Katsuki didn’t know.

Unfortunately, his silence had become enough of an answer.

Kirishima’s face went through confusion to denial to understanding to horrifying realization to anger and embarrassment.  And all Katsuki could do was watch.

“You…  You lied to me…?” he breathed, dropping his hands by his side.  “All this time, you’ve been lying to me?”

Katsuki brought his hands up out of instinct before dropping them back down again.

“Kirishima…” he started.  His voice trembled and cracked from underuse.

Kirishima’s head snapped to attention at the sound of Katsuki’s voice and suddenly everything came crashing together in a moment.  Tears filled his eyes as he glared daggers at Katsuki’s head.

“I can’t believe you.”

Without another word, he stormed out of the café.  All Katsuki could do was watch him disappear down the street with the knowledge that he had deserved that reaction.

“Kacchan…”

“Don’t!” Katsuki snapped.  “Just…  Fucking leave me alone, Deku.”

He shoved past him and out the door, hoping in vain that he would find Kirishima while not knowing what he would say to him, leaving a very confused Deku and an even more confused barista behind him.

In the end, he didn’t find Kirishima and ended up going back to their dorm room.  He wasn’t surprised that he wasn’t there, either.

It then occurred to him that he still hadn’t eaten yet.

But Kirishima was bound to come back eventually, right?

Katsuki lay on his bed, watching the door and waiting.

The weekend came and went.  No sign of Kirishima.  He definitely hadn’t come back to the dorm.  Katsuki would have known if he had.  He only left to use the bathroom and survived off of a stash of granola bars and uncooked ramen noodles he’d stored under his bed.  He couldn’t risk losing a chance to explain himself to Kirishima.

But when Monday rolled around the corner, Katsuki knew he couldn’t sit around the dorm any longer.  While he was technically doing fine in all of his classes and could probably miss a lecture or two without failing anything, he wasn’t willing to jeopardize his 4.0 GPA for it.  So begrudgingly, he pulled himself together and left for his morning lecture.

It was at some point that morning between grabbing a hot meal from the dining hall and sitting in his lecture that he realized he saw the exact same people every morning.  All of the exact same people at the same times in the same places.  Everyone had a routine and they stuck to it.

Katsuki knew Kirishima’s routine by heart.  If he didn’t, the idiot would probably forget to go to a class or some shit.

In theory, he should be able to trace Kirishima’s usual steps to find him.

Between classes, Katsuki spent all of his free time circling around to places where Kirishima would typically be.  Not a single flash of red hair or toothy smiles was to be found anywhere.  By the time Katsuki called it quits for the night, it was already late and well past his usual bed time for a school night.

Coming back to the room, he noticed that some of Kirishima’s belongings had been moved around.  Of course, if Katsuki knew Kirishima’s schedule, Kirishima knew his as well.  He’d waited until he knew for a fact that Katsuki wouldn’t be in the room to come grab some of his things, also knowing that Katsuki wouldn’t risk missing a class.

He knew him well enough that he wouldn’t risk that.

Katsuki slumped over his desk, wondering what to do.  He clenched his teeth and grimaced.

This was exactly why he didn’t like people in the first place.  He didn’t have the time or energy to be worried about some idiot’s feelings or trying to get them to talk to him.  He was Bakugou fucking Katsuki and he was meant for more than that.  He was going to do something significant.  Something important.  And he couldn’t let any distractions or useless extras get in the way of that.

He didn’t need anyone.

He had always been fine on his own.  He was good at being alone.  He didn’t need Kirishima or fucking anyone.

Katsuki pulled out his notebooks and slammed them down on his desk.  While he was running around looking for Kirishima, he’d neglected to do his homework for the next day.  Time to crank that out and not think about Kirishima anymore.

Katsuki awoke to a silent room and a still empty bed across the room from him and a mess that still littered the floor belonging to someone else.  He grumbled and got out of bed.

After showering, a second alarm began to vibrate on his phone.  Instinctively, he turned to shove his roommate out of bed so he wouldn't be late for class, only to remember there was no one there.

In the afternoon, Katsuki made his way to the library and sat down at his usual table and got out his books.  For the next twenty minutes, he kept anxiously looking up to the door as if waiting for someone.  It took a while for him to realize that he had been, but nobody was coming.

He scowled and tried to focus on his books.

Katsuki stretched his arms and laid down on the weight bench in the gym, adjusting his grip on the bar above him.  He looked up, silently reassuring that his spotter was there.  He didn’t need to.  He could always trust his spotter.

Except he wasn’t there anymore.

Right.

With a huff, he picked up the bar and hoped he didn’t drop it on himself.

The washing machines whirred sadly from inside the laundry room as Katsuki punched in numbers on the vending machine.  He grabbed the two snacks with a huff before marching back to his room with his laundry detergent in hand.  Stashing that away, he tossed the pack of beef jerky at the other bed.  Only, there was no one there to catch it.  Instead, the bag smacked against the wall before falling lamely on the bed.

Katsuki sighed, debating whether or not he should just toss the damn thing.  He didn’t even like the stuff.  He only ever bought it because Kirishima had mentioned it was his favorite.

In the end, Katsuki just left it where it was.  If Kirishima came back, maybe he’d think it was a peace offering or something.

Not that he cared what Kirishima thought.

He didn’t need him.

He didn’t want him.

He just needed himself.  The same as always.

He just needed to keep fighting the feeling that the same as always wasn’t the same anymore and never would be again.

A week had passed since Kirishima had learned the truth and Katsuki found himself back at the same café.  Not that he was hoping to run into Kirishima or anything.  He’d given up on that.  He’d just decided that after the week he’d had, he needed a decent cup of coffee and the brown water the dining hall called coffee simply wasn’t going to cut it.

He’d barely sat down with his mug and a sandwich when he spotted a familiar mess of green.

“Deku,” he growled, glaring over his cup.

“Oh!  H-Hey, Kacchan…” Deku replied nervously.  He stood frozen in place, unsure if Katsuki was greeting him or threatening him.  Given their history, the later was more likely.

But that all had happened a long time ago.  While Deku wasn’t sure if he’d forgiven Katsuki and he certainly hadn’t forgotten, he’d come to accept that they were both different people.  He was no longer the scared little kid that let himself get bullied and Katsuki was no longer the insecure show off that needed to prove he was better than everyone else.  Even if they weren’t close like they were when they were younger, they certainly weren’t enemies.

“I’m sorry,” Deku started tentatively.  “About last week, I mean.  Sorry that all happened.”

Katsuki only sighed, “’S fine.”

“Um, if you don’t mind me asking,” Deku said, inching forward.  “What exactly did happen?”

Katsuki looked him up and down before dropping his shoulders.  He hated to admit it, but did feel good to actually talk to someone again.

Not that he was lonely.  No.  Just using his voice felt good rather than signing all of the time.

“Everyone here thinks I’m Deaf.  I just never told them any different.”

“I’m sorry, what?  How?  Why?”

“Shut the fuck up, it was an accident!” Katsuki snapped.  “I told exactly one person in my orientation group that I was deaf so I wouldn’t have to fucking talk to him and then next thing I knew, everyone ‘knew’ I was deaf, and that fucking Four-Eyed Asshole had taken the liberty of getting me a different roommate that knew sign language so I’d have someone to talk to or some shit, but now that dumbass is all pissed that I didn’t tell him I could hear and he won’t fucking talk to me.”

Katsuki stopped to catch his breath, looking over at Deku who was somewhere between flabbergasted and laughing.

“Wait, was it Iida that told everyone you were Deaf?”

“I don’t fucking know his name.  Does he look like a fucking giant Lego man with a god complex?”

“Uh, I guess so?  He moves his hands like this when he talks,” Deku demonstrated, mimicking robot-like hand gestures.

“That’s the fucker.”

“Ah, yeah.  He’s a friend of mine, but I can definitely see how the two of you wouldn’t get along.  Iida can be a bit…  Much.”

“No shit,” Katsuki huffed.

“And I’m sorry about your friend, too.  He might just need some time to process that before he’s ready to talk about it.”

“’S fine.  I don’t fucking need him anyway.  And he’s not my fucking friend.  Just my roommate.”

Deku looked at him incredulously before finally pulling out the seat across from Katsuki and taking a seat.

“Did I say you could sit, Deku?”

He winced slightly at the nickname, but didn’t budge.

“Kacchan, I’m going to be very blunt with you.  And I’m going to be blunt with you because I’m not scared of you anymore.”

“Well maybe you fucking should be,” Katsuki spat.  He definitely didn’t like this newfound confidence in Deku.  Something about it was…  Unnerving to say the least.

“Well, I’m not.  Because I’ve realized you’re not mean.  You’re scared.”

Katsuki stared in confusion and shock for a moment as Deku’s words washed over him.

“Why you…”

“No, hear me out,” Deku said, coolly blocking Katsuki half-assed attempt at threatening him with a straw.  “I’m saying this because I’ve known you the longest and whether either of us likes it or not, I know you better than almost anyone just like you know me better than anyone.  You can say otherwise, but I know it’s true.”

Katsuki crossed his arms, but didn’t argue.

“Look, Kacchan, I know that you’re really amazing and independent and you don’t need other people’s validation to feel confident in yourself.  That’s something I’ve always admired about you.  But you always take that to such an extreme level.  You’ve never let anyone get close to you, not since we were old enough to know that some people are better at things than others.  That’s why you and I stopped being friends.  Because we can stand on similar ground and you wanted to be above me.”

Katsuki opened his mouth to speak, but shut it again.

“I know that you’re not really a people person and that’s totally fine!  It’s totally fine to not want a lot of friends and to like spending time on your own, but if you want to have any friendships at all, you need to put some effort in.  So, your roommate is mad at you for lying.  He’ll get over it if he’s really your friend if you put in the effort for a proper apology.  I mean, it didn’t really hurt anyone, right?  It was just a lie that went out of control.”

“He, uh, he might have…  Said some things…  I wasn’t supposed to hear…”

Deku raised a suspicious eyebrow, but didn’t push the matter.

“The point is, if the two of you are, uh, close and you want to stay that way or more or-or not!  Th-then you have to try.”

“Can’t.  Fucker won’t talk to me.  Haven’t seen him since last week.”

“Oh…  Well…  I might be able to help you find him.”

Deku pulled out his phone and started typing.

“Deku, I swear to fucking god if you put my shit on blast, I will melt you down with the acids in the chem lab and…”

“I’m just asking a friend if she knows your roommate!” Deku said defensively.  “What’s his name again?”

“Kirishima.  Kirishima Eijirou,” Katsuki answered doubtfully.

“Right.  Well, my friend Uraraka knows a lot of people around campus, so she might know or she might know someone that knows,” Deku explained as he typed.  “So, I’m just asking her if she knows him and who he hangs out with…  Oh, she doesn’t but she’s asking a friend of hers…  She says he’s been staying with her friend Ashido Mina?  Do you know who that is?”

“Fucking Pinky,” Katsuki snapped to attention.  Of course, he hadn’t thought about trying to get ahold of Kirishima’s other friends.  Because, as Deku so kindly pointed out, he didn’t really get how friendships worked.

He jumped to his feet, running out the door.

“Wait, Kacchan!  Your food…”

But he was already gone, sprinting across campus to Ashido’s dorm room.

Kirishima had always been trying to get Katsuki to “break out of his shell” or something like that and dragged him around to hang out with his friends.  Katsuki hadn’t wanted to go because he tolerated Kirishima’s friends at best, but he did like spending time with Kirishima so he’d gone along.  Luckily for him, he remembered where their dorms were.  He’d never been happier to have been dragged along somewhere against his will.

He managed to just barely slip into the door of Ashido’s building after someone and took the stairs two at a time, too impatient to wait for the elevator until he was standing in front of her dorm room.  It was only then that he hesitated.  What was he supposed to say?  He really hadn’t thought this through.

But he had to say something.  That was the whole point.

If he left now to think about it, he’d just get mad all over again.  At Kirishima, at himself, at fucking Deku for talking him into this in the first place.  If he left, he’d never come back.

Without another moment of hesitation, he banged on the door.

“Who…?” Ashido questioned before throwing the door open.  “Oh.”

Katsuki stared at her in silence, unsure of what to say.

“I know you can hear me.  Kiri told me everything,” she said sternly.  Katsuki got the impression he was supposed to be intimidated, but something about her bubblegum pink hair and usual lack of brain cells made that difficult.  Still, she was the last thing standing between him and Kirishima.  And if Katsuki had managed to knock his own damned pride out of the way, Pinky didn’t really stand much of a chance of being that last barrier.

“Please,” he whispered, his voice hoarse and pleading, “Let me talk to him.”

“Mina?  Who’s…?  Oh.”

Katsuki glanced over to see Kirishima peering over Ashido’s shoulder.  His hair was down and ungelled like he usually wore on the weekends, his roots freshly dyed, probably courtesy of Ashido.  He looked…  Surprised to see Katsuki there.  Not angry, just surprised.  Katsuki dared to hope that that was a good thing.

“Kirishima,” Katsuki said, his name feeling foreign on his tongue.  “Can…  Can we talk?”

“Oh, so you’re doing that now?”

Katsuki bit his lip.  He knew he deserved that.

“Please.  I…  I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry.”

“Uh, I’m gonna leave you two to this,” Ashido said cheekily.  In a swift motion, she grabbed the front of Katsuki’s shirt and threw him into the room before slipping out the door and slamming it shut, leaving the two boys alone in the room.

Katsuki glanced around the room, thankful once again that Ashido’s roommate was apparently non-existent.  For all of the times that Kirishima had dragged him over there, he wasn’t sure he’d seen her even once.  She could be invisible for all he knew.

“So now you’re sorry?” Kirishima said, but there was no bite in his voice.  Just pain.

“I’ve been sorry,” Katsuki said, clenching his fists at his side.  Signing to Kirishima felt like second nature, but it would probably just be like rubbing salt in the wound at this point.

“Then why didn’t you tell me earlier?  Why did you lie?”

“Oi, I never actually told you I was deaf,” Katsuki defended.

“Yeah, and?  Iida told me everything,” Kirishima said.  He crossed his arms in front of his chest defensively.

“Who I only told because I didn’t want to fucking talk to him at orientation.  It’s not my fault he went and told our entire fucking class.”

“Wait, what?” Kirishima said, surprised.

“So, if anything, this whole thing is fucking Four-Eyes’ fault.  And yeah, maybe I should’ve said something sooner, but I didn’t think I was gonna fucking like you either and I just wanted to ignore you when we first met because I thought you were gonna be just another fucking annoying extra, but then you weren’t.  You were…  I don’t know, you’re fucking cool, ok?  And then I guess we were friends, but at that point I couldn’t tell you because it was a couple months in and what the fuck was I supposed to say?  ‘Oh hey, I’m not actually Deaf, I’m just an asshole.’  But then you’d fucking hate me, which you still should.  Actually, you really should because you and I both know you said some shit I wasn’t supposed to hear and still didn’t say anything because I’m a fucking asshole and I didn’t know how to fucking say it back, but it wouldn’t fucking matter because the entire reason we’re f-friends in the first place is a fucking lie and it’s fucking goody-two shoes Four-Eyes’ fault.”

Katsuki stopped for a breath.  Great, he sounded like fucking Deku.  Probably a side effect of not talking to anybody for almost an entire year.

“Wait…  What?”

“I…” Katsuki started.  “Yeah, that’s all I had to fucking say.  Would’ve said it earlier if you hadn’t been avoiding me.”

He stepped back, leaning against the door.

“I’m sorry, that’s just a lot to take in,” Kirishima huffed taking a seat on Ashido’s bed.  “Wow.”

“Sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry,” Kirishima rubbed his temples.  “I’ve known you for a year and you’ve never said sorry once.  Honestly, it’s throwing me off more than hearing your voice.”

“Well then, shit, I’m not sorry,” Katsuki smirked.

“Don’t be.  It’s fine.  It’s nice to hear you’re sorry.  And uh, it’s nice to hear your voice.  It’s, uh, it’s a good voice.”

Katsuki stayed still, unsure of what to say.

“I don’t know what to say, dude.  When that Midoriya dude said all of that, I don’t know, man.  I was hurt?  And made, definitely mad that you didn’t say anything and I didn’t really know what to think?  So, I guess I’m sorry if I’ve been avoiding you.  I just needed space.”

“Yeah, I guess I get that,” Katsuki said cautiously.  This was what Deku had told him to do, isn’t it?  Listen and be a friend or whatever?

“And fuck, shit man, I said some embarrassing stuff, dude!  I-I know you said you weren’t uncomfortable when I told you I was gay, but like…  I mean…” Kirishima drifted off.  “Wait, what did you mean you didn’t know how to say it back?”

Katsuki tensed up, trying to find anything else to look at besides Kirishima.

“Uh…  I meant I didn’t know how to say it the fuck back.”

“What does that mean?”

Katsuki swallowed hard.  Apologizing was one thing.  This was something else.

But fuck, Kirishima had said it first, hadn’t he?

“It means when you said that shit…  That I, you know,” Katsuki could feel his blush warming up his skin.  “I fucking…  I like you, too.”

Kirishima stared up at him, eyes wide.

“No, fuck you.  You said it and I’m not a coward so I’m fucking saying it to.  I love you, ok?  I fucking love you and you made me want to fucking love someone.  As long as it was you.  Kirishima, are you fucking crying?”

“You love me?” Kirishima cried.  He didn’t bother to wipe the tears from his eyes.

“That’s what I fucking said, isn’t it?” Katsuki smiled, stepping forward until he was directly in front of him.  “You know what?  Fuck it.”

Katsuki pointed to himself.  I

He crossed his arms in front of his torso.  Love

Finally, he pointed to Kirishima, planting his finger firmly on his chest.  You

“You love me,” Kirishima smiled.

“Y-Yeah?” Katsuki blushed, staring at Kirishima and waiting for him to say something.

But Kirishima didn’t say anything.  He didn’t need to.  As Kirishima pulled him down and let his lips meet Katsuki’s, he found that somethings transcend language altogether.  And Katsuki found himself once again falling deeper in love with him in blissful silence.

[8:06pm]

From: Deku

Hey, Kacchan, it’s me.  I heard that you and Kirishima talked!  But Ashido is wondering when she’s going to be able to come into her room again?

[8:25pm]

From: Deku

Kacchan?

[10:47pm]

From: Deku

Never mind!  Congrats, I guess?

Katsuki blushed furiously as Kirishima’s grip around his hand tightened as they walked through campus.  Apparently, confessing his feelings and getting Kirishima back as a friend came with a lot more add-ons than he had anticipated.  Like the fact that Kirishima wasn’t his friend anymore.  He was his boyfriend.  And he wasn’t just Kirishima, he was Eijirou.

His Eijirou.  His boyfriend.

It took some getting used to.  Both of them were still instinctively using sign language with each other rather than talking, but Katsuki didn’t mind.  It was like they had their own little world, their own little language.

They made it to the dining hall, alternating between sign and speaking as they grabbed lunch and ate.  That was an advantage they still had over others; they could talk and eat at the same time.  Not that Katsuki was ever talkative, but he loved listening to Eijirou talk about his day.  Or maybe he just loved listening to Eijirou.

Or just loved Eijirou.

Either way.

“Kirishima!” a loud voice boomed.  “I thought that was you.  I haven’t seen you much since last semester!”

Katsuki groaned.

“Oh, hey there, Iida!” Eijirou waved.  Katsuki crossed his arms and ducked his head into his food.

“I had been hoping your roommate arrangement was going smoothly,” Iida articulated, gesticulating wildly as he did, “So I’m happy to see you two are close.  When I met Bakugou at orientation, I had worried that he would have a difficult time making friends with his hearing impairment.  It’s good that you’re around to help him out.

Katsuki twitched.

“Uh, that’s not really…  Uh, the right way to phrase that…” Eijirou offered.

Katsuki bit his cheek.  With all of the talking the two of them had been doing, they hadn’t actually talked about how to go about telling other people the truth about Katsuki’s hearing status.

“I still find it very admirable that you were willing to volunteer to be his roommate.  It would have been unfortunate for Bakugou to spend the school year alone and isolated with no way to talk to others.  You should have seen how stand-offish he was at orientation.  But you’re really doing such a wonderful deed by choosing to help him out this way.”

Katsuki threw down his chopsticks.

“Ok, that’s fucking it,” Katsuki yelled.  Iida jumped back.

“Katsuki,” Eijirou signed.  Katsuki ignored him.

“First of all, jackass, I’m not Deaf.  Never was.  I just didn’t want to talk to your dumb pretentious ass,” Katsuki ranted.  “Second of all, don’t call Deaf people hearing impaired, you shitbag.  It’s fucking insulting and if you’re gonna insult somebody, do it without being an ableist asshole.  Third of all, Deaf people aren’t fucking charity cases, so get off your high horse.”

Iida gaped at him, flailing as he tried to find words to say but failing.

“Iida!  What’s going…  Oh, hi Kacchan!”

“Fucking Deku,” Katsuki growled in greeting.  He nodded slightly in acknowledgment, but a slight glare.

Deku nodded back and gulped.  He’d known Katsuki long enough to know that look meant “if you tell anybody what we talked about, I’ll rip your spine out.”  In other words, it was almost a sign of affection.

“You two know each other?  What?  Wait!” Iida scrambled, trying to get an answer out of Katsuki, but he’d already pushed himself up from the table with Eijirou in tow.

“That was harsh, dude,” Eijirou laughed as they stacked their dishes.

“Fucking maybe, but I’ve been holding that back since the school year started.  Do you want me to apologize?”

“Would you?”

“No.”

Eijirou laughed and grabbed Katsuki’s hand, leading him outside once more.

“The way I see it, Iida was the one that started this whole mess of everyone thinking I’m Deaf in the first place.  Now he can go blab to everyone and undo it all.”

“You’re still mad at him?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Katsuki huffed.

“Well, it didn’t all turn out bad, did it?”

Eijirou stopped and turned to face Katsuki.  A gentle smile spread across his face.  Katsuki looked away scowling.

“I guess not…”

Eijirou leaned forward, planting a quick kiss on Katsuki’s lips.

“Fine, I guess it turned out alright.”

There really was something amazing about the way that one little small lie could completely spiral out of control.  But that small little lie had led him to a pretty amazing place.