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Kang Gook laces his fingers with Han Tae Joo’s as they walk away from the park together. His free hand clutches the suitcase he’d painstakingly packed.
In each hand he holds a future; one he never wanted and one he never dreamed he would get.
They round the corner and Gook sees it.
The hotel.
They’d decided on going back to the hotel room Tae Joo arranged before his flight left. Seeing it, feeling Tae Joo’s hand in his own, feels thrilling and exciting, fills him with equal parts expectation and apprehension.
He sneaks a glance over at the other man and lets himself look for a moment. He still can’t believe this is real, that Tae Joo is really here beside him after all this time.
Tae Joo turns his head and catches Gook’s eye. He smiles the smallest, softest smile, eyes crinkling at the edges, and squeezes his hand.
“See something you like?” He lifts an eyebrow in inquiry, voice soft, teasing, but Gook can tell he’s really asking,
“I do.” Gook says, taking satisfaction in the way Tae Joo ducks his head and swings their joined hands a little. It warms something inside of himself that had long gone cold. A place reserved only for the man walking beside him.
When they finally make it to the hotel and check in, both of them ignoring the looks they were getting, hands still intertwined, eyes only for each other, Tae Joo leads him along up the elevator and through the halls of the hotel until they stop at the room that will be theirs for the night. Gook takes a deep breath and follows him inside.
A shadow, still , he thinks, but there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
He leaves his suitcase by the door.
It’s only then that he realizes Tae Joo doesn’t have a bag. He looks around, wondering if he had it sent up before him, but he can’t see one anywhere.
“Han Tae Joo,” he stops, halting the other man as well. Tae Joo looks back at him, expression soft, “where are your things?”
The other man blinks slowly, then his lips pull once again into a small smile. “I didn’t bring anything with me.”
Gook feels his mouth drop open slightly. “What?”
But Tae Joo just steps closer, dropping Gook’s hand so he can place each hand on one of Gook’s shoulders. “I couldn’t let you go. As soon as I heard you were leaving for Japan, I booked a flight to come here.” Slowly, without hesitation, Tae Joo lifts a hand to cradle Gook’s cheek. “You’re the only thing I need.”
Gook can’t help but to press his face a little more into the other man’s palm. “I packed extra clothes. You can use them.”
Tae Joo’s expression lifts a little from the seriousness it had before. “My Gook-ah, so good to me, still.” He leans in, brushes their lips together.
Gook lets out a shaky breath, reaches down to once again hold one of Tae Joo’s hands in his own. “Everything I have is yours. It always has been.”
An unhappy expression crosses Tae Joo’s face. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for so much…”
But Gook shushes him. “Don’t be. I’m not. Not when I got you in return.” He brings their joined hands up and kisses the back of the other man’s hand.
Tae Joo shivers, his eyes never leaving Gook’s, turning darker with something that ignites a fire deep within him.
“Are you cold?” he asks, stepping a little closer.
Tae Joo still watches him, but nods. “Planes are always so drafty.”
Gook tilts his eyes, eyes trailing all over Tae Joo’s face, searching for the last 3 years on the new lines and wondering what it was like for him to be so far from home and all alone. His eyes linger for a long moment on Tae Joo’s lips before he looks back into his eyes. They, too, seem to be searching for something on Gook’s face.
I wonder what he sees.
“You should take a hot shower to warm up.”
Tae Joo’s mouth parts a little, then he bites at his bottom lip, teeth dragging, leaving them with a shine under the fluorescent hotel light that distracts Gook. So much that he almost misses the next thing the other man says.
“But Gook, how can I wash my hair with one hand?”
Gook locks eyes with his sharply, not even sparing a glance at where Tae Joo has lifted their joined hands as if to say See?
“Won’t you help me?” Tae Joo crowds even closer, until their chests press together. “Won’t you take responsibility?”
Something inside of Gook snaps at that, at the way Tae Joo looks at him, the heat and promise burning in his eyes. He closes the distance between their mouths, wanting, wanting, taking everything he can get from Tae Joo. He drops the other man’s hand to bring his arms around Tae Joo’s waist, pulling him flush against him as he walks the other man back toward the bathroom.
Their kiss grows hungrier, deeper, until it feels like it’s scalding Gook from the inside out. When he finally pulls away, Tae Joo eye’s take a long moment to flutter back open, his cheeks flushed, hair tousled, lips swollen.
He looks good like this, Gook thinks.
He doesn’t hesitate before his hands push the jacket from Tae Joo’s shoulders to drop on the floor. The other man looks almost in a daze, even as Gook’s hands continue to move, slipping up over the waist of the other man’s pants, to trail his fingers over bare skin as he lifts up Tae Joo’s shirt, pulling it over his head and tossing it behind them. He doesn’t let his hands stop moving—ghosting over the planes and dips of Tae Joo’s stomach and chest, taking in every inch of him he can get his hands or eyes on.
Until Tae Joo stops him with a hand on his wrist. “You should shower, too.”
He feels pinned in place by the other man’s eyes. Like a butterfly on display, unable to fly away, but not wanting to. All he can do is nod, letting the other man go so he can turn the water on to warm.
They undress each other slowly, with gentle hands and exploratory touches. Gook feels his finger’s start to shake and presses them a little harder against Tae Joo’s skin just to remind himself that this is real, that he’s really standing here in front of him, giving Gook everything he’s ever wanted.
There’s no shyness between them, no uncertainty, even as they bare themselves completely to the other for the first time. And then Gook follows Tae Joo under the hot spray, the steam already starting to curl around them and filling the small room. He feels flushed from head to toe, can’t help but keep looking between Tae Joo’s smoldering eyes, pink lips, and watching the drops of water trail down his torso—and down and down—
Tae Joo makes a sound and Gook’s eyes snap back up to his.
“When you look at me like that…” He steps closer, reaching a hand up to drag at the lobe of Gook’s ear. Gook inhales sharply in response. “It reminds me of before, of when I wanted you to take care of me so badly. It used to drive me crazy.” He huffs out a small laugh. “I didn’t know that what I really wanted was to feel your hands on me.”
He drags his hand down to grab one of Gook’s, then moves it to press against Tae Joo’s stomach, Gook’s palm flat against his skin while Tae Joo’s hand still covers it—then he slowly starts to move Gook’s hand down, down—until smooth skin gives way to coarse hair, then hot, hard, silky skin.
Tae Joo wraps Gook’s hand around himself. Gook can’t move his eyes away from Tae Joo’s face, from the way his eyes close and he tips his head back into the spray of the water.
I’m not allowed to take my eyes off you, his brain supplies.
But no, that’s not it.
I don’t want to take my eyes off you.
“Touch me, Gook-ah. Please.” His voice gets breathier, his request turning into a beg. “Please.”
Kang Gook has long since learned to obey when Tae Joo asks something of him. Three years has not changed that.
So he does.
He touches Tae Joo.
And touches him and touches him, greedy for the way he feels in Gook’s hand, loving each little sound his touch elicits from the other man, wanting to store them all away, to keep them, to turn them into a piece of art like his wire sculptures.
It takes him by surprise when he feels Tae Joo’s hand suddenly trailing down from his hip to his thigh—and he wonders idly when Tae Joo’s hand stopped guiding his own—but then the other man tentatively reaches between Gook’s legs, to where Gook is hard and aching, and then Gook can’t think anymore.
It’s as though his every nerve is lit up like the end of a cigarette. He feels too hot, the air around them too heavy with steam. Each breath he takes fills him more and more with Tae Joo, until he has to taste his lips again. He backs him up against the shower wall, Tae Joo hissing against Gook’s mouth and dropping his hand as the cold tile presses against his overheated skin.
Gook removes his hand from the other man’s cock as well, his palms gliding over the skin of his hips, down over his ass, then to the backs of his thighs—before lifting Tae Joo up so he can wrap his legs around Gook’s waist.
Their bodies feel even closer together like this. Gook has never been harder in his life, his erection lining up so perfectly with the other man’s that the friction makes spots start to dance behind his eyes, so he closes them for a moment, pressing his face against one of Tae Joo’s strong shoulders.
Until there’s a breath against his ear, then soft wet heat sucking on his earlobe. Gook’s legs shake for a moment, struggling to keep both of them up, and he leans more heavily against Tae Joo, rocking his hips up to grind against the other man, feeling unbearably hot and overwhelmed by the pleasure he’s giving him.
Tae Joo’s hand snakes between their bodies, wrapping around the two of them, pressing slick skin to slick skin.
Tae Joo takes his mouth off of Gook’s ear. “That’s it, just like that, Darling.” His hot breath huffs against the shell of Gook’s ear and it spurs him on, makes him thrust harder against Tae Joo, into the tight clasp of his hand around them. He adjusts Tae Joo’s weight in his arms just enough to move his hands from the other man’s thighs to the swell of his ass. He grips hard, the change in angle somehow even better because the head of his cock brushes against Tae Joo’s abs with every thrust.
“Come on, Gook-ah. You’re so good, so good for me.” Tae Joo croons, voice low and rough, punched out by every rock of Gook’s hips against his. Each word sends a spark of heat to Gook’s stomach and he thinks he might be close, already, just from this. “I’ve wanted this for so long, wanted you…” Gook makes a sound in his throat, moves his face to the crook of Tae Joo’s neck so he can suck at the skin there, needing to taste him.
Tae Joo moves his other hand up into Gook’s hair, grabbing a fistful and pulling lightly. “Just like that, Sweetheart. You feel so damn good... Take what you want from me. I’m yours. I’m yours.”
Gook muffles his cry against Tae Joo’s throat when he finally comes, hot and messy between them. He can feel more than hear the desperate, whining noises Tae Joo makes as he does so, the way his breathing picks up as he releases his grip on Gook’s cock and starts to fist his own erection with Gook’s come slicking the way.
The noises become louder, heard even above the spray of the water. Gook moves his lips to the other side of Tae Joo’s neck, biting gently as he once agains squeezes the other man’s ass. Feeling brave, he spreads the other man’s cheeks a little, just enough to press a finger down, down, against where he’s imagined having Tae Joo so many times before…
Tae Joo gasps his name, his body arching in Gook’s arms. He throws his head back against the tile, whining out little ah! ah! sounds until he goes still, warmth spreading between their bodies, then lax.
He meets Gook’s eyes then with a sleepy, sated expression on his face. Slowly, Gook loosens his grip and lets Tae Joo slide down the wall until he’s back on his feet. He sways forward until he kisses Gook once more—long and languid.
Eventually, they break apart and rinse themselves under the lukewarm spray of the water. Gook has a moment to regret that he doesn’t get to wash Tae Joo’s hair again, but he admits to himself as he watches the suds run down the back of Tae Joo’s body, that if he were to get his hands on the other man again, they wouldn’t make it out of the shower.
They dry off with warm, fluffy towels and leave their discarded clothes on the floor for later, opting for the complimentary white robes offered by the hotel.
Later finds them laying on the bed, bodies intertwined, kissing unhurriedly, until Tae Joo eventually pulls away to look at him. He radiates contentment, and when he smiles, Gook thinks it might be the happiest he’s ever seen Tae Joo.
“What did I do to deserve you?” He asks, reaching up to wrap a strand of Gook’s hair around his finger for a moment.
Gook lifts a hand up to push the wet strands of Tae Joo’s hair from his forehead. “Love isn’t something you have to earn in order to deserve.” He leans in to press a soft kiss to Tae Joo’s forehead. “Just being you has always been more than enough.”
Arms wrap around his waist, eyes gazing into his own. “I’m so in love with you Kang Gook. I’ve missed you every moment of every day.”
Gook pulls him into a hug, like how he used to, like he could somehow protect Tae Joo from the memories of their three years apart.
“You know…” Tae Joo starts, whispering against Gook’s chest, “Ever since my mom died I just wanted someone who made me feel safe. I spent so much time throwing myself into things that would distract me from the truth. Because when I had time to really think,” Tae Joo looks up at him, his eyes a little shiny, “my thoughts always went back to you.”
Tae Joo swallows hard. “It was never really about you reminding me of my mom. It’s just that...you made me feel seen and cared for. I had to always be strong for everyone else, but you let me feel like I was fragile, like you would care if I got broken. With you around, no one could hurt me.”
Gook runs his fingers through Tae Joo’s hair. “No one but me.” The other man nods. “But you had control over every aspect of my life. You wouldn't let me really hurt you.”
Tae Joo takes a deep breath. “I thought controlling you was the only way I could have you. I wanted you to be mine so badly. I still do.”
He looks down at Tae Joo and presses another kiss to his forehead. “I’m yours Han Tae Joo. I have been for eighteen years. I’ve always belonged to you.”
Gook watches an unhappy expression pass over Tae Joo’s face. But before the other man can say anything, Gook rolls them over so Tae Joo is beneath him and Gook straddles his waist. “The difference now is that I chose to give myself to you. I chose you three years ago. I chose you every day since.”
He leans down and presses a soft kiss to the other man’s lips. “I’m yours, and you’re mine.”
Tae Joo melts beneath him. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” Another kiss. “Just promise me that no matter where we go or what we do, you’ll keep your eyes on me.”
Gook smiles and rolls them over once again so he can hold the other man in his arms. “I promise.”
It feels a lot like saying I love you.
Gook looks at Tae Joo, and Tae Joo looks back—and neither one knows what the future holds for them—but both of them know that holding each other like this, right now, is enough.