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Starscream stared at the mission brief Megatron had just dropped in the centre of his lab table with a jolting slap incredulously.
"Intelligence work?" He exclaimed.
"I realise 'intelligence' is somewhat of a stretch for an idiot like you, yes," Megatron effortlessly verbally backhanded him with a self-satisfied smirk. "But Soundwave has run the numbers and you're the most successful candidate for the job."
Starscream didn't bother looking past the title page, snatching the data-pad up and smacking it against Megatron's chest. "Tell Soundwave to include himself in his statistics next time. Intel is his job. I'm busy-"
"Doing what?" Megatron cast a judgmental eye over his equipment strewn table. "Making slime?"
Starscream swept up a beaker full of a viscous green substance and brandished it threateningly, "How dare you. This may very well be what wins us the war!"
"What does it do?"
"I haven't figured that out yet," Starscream turned around quickly and set the beaker back down. "Now unless you're volunteering to be my first live test subject-"
A hand slapped to his wing and swung him around. Starscream sullenly met Megatron's glare when the briefing was pushed back into his hands. "The slime will be here after you're back from your mission. And from what I've heard of your reputation, it won't take you long..."
Suspicious of his meaning, Starscream's optics frantically searched the briefing: coast of California - Long Beach- study required - Autobot patrols -- -potential in Prime's noted interest in flight frames - -
Interest in flightframes?! Who's flight frame?! Surely not -
Starscream could see where this was going.
"You're pimping me out for intel?!" He roared at Megatron's retreating back, filled with indignant fury.
Megatron glanced back over his shoulder. "Of course not," he snorted, palming the door panel. "Soundwave is."
"This is a new low," Starscream said quietly. "Even for you. Pimping me out to Prime?!"
"Stop saying 'pimping'," Megatron sounded annoyed.
"To Prime?!"
"There are worse Autobots to service, Starscream-"
Starscream glanced around the empty room in shock, but there was no one else present to witness Megatron's shameless audacity. "So you actually expect me to interface with him?!"
Megatron sighed wearily, "I don't expect it, seeker, it's simply a matter of Soundwave's calculations presenting it as the most likely outcome should you be successful."
Starscream's mouth was hanging open. Soundwave adjusted his calculations to take into account that he was, apparently, on paper, a slut.
"If you want someone to frag Prime so badly, why don't you do it?!" He demanded, stamping a pede.
Megatron actually smirked. "I'm afraid I'm not his type."
Could have fooled Starscream.
The worse part about it all -never mind that Megatron viewed him as little more than an expendable tool to weaponise whichever way he liked- was that Prime was really rather attractive.
That attractiveness was often undercut by a sickening self-righteousness, an imbecilic sense of humour and worst of all, his foolish beliefs about equally, so Starscream had never really needed to worry much about losing the tentative hold on his self control and flinging himself at the Prime whenever he witnessed the glory that was the powerful Autobot leader punching Megatron hard enough to knock a few of his datachips out of function.
Well, on the bright side at least he wouldn't have to fake his attraction to make this work. Though he did wonder how much access to his processor Soundwave had had before running these statistics and choosing him as the most likely to succeed at such a task. Skywarp was a far bigger tease than he was. And he hadn't been considered at all.
At any rate, he thought to himself as he deliberately scuffed up his armour to make it look like he'd narrowly escaped a harrowing experience so to play on Prime's inflated empathy, he might not even have to pop his panels. Megatron only wanted to know if there were any regular Autobot patrols near a potential energy target. The hard part would be wheedling that information out of Prime through entirely innocent, although seductive conversation. But he already had a plan. One that would hopefully allow him to return to base unsullied by Autobots paws.
He flew out alone, ignoring the Conehead's last few shouted jests and 'suggestions' -why the operation was base-wide knowledge seemed to defeat the point of it being a classified intel mission- and made sure to position himself directly along Prime's known travelling route. There was a sad little human educational establishment, something called a 'sch-ool' where adults dumped their spawn during the day cycle, where the Prime frequently visited to ingratiate himself with the local populace. As if simply burning the entire town down wouldn't be a more time effective method when the end goal was to avoid friction between the two species. Can't fight with humans if there are no humans.
He might be generous and mention that to Prime, if this all went well.
The benefit of choosing such a time and place meant Prime was much more likely to be in a good (and therefore patient and susceptible) mood. Besides, if he could see the benefit in the company of small, sticky, screaming children then Starscream should have no problem.
He wasn't as conspicuous in a residential area as say Motormaster and his ilk, or even the Constructicons barging about the human cities with their wrecking balls and crane hooks swinging, so his presence in one half empty, sprawling parking lot drew something of a crowd. He wanted Prime to notice him, of course, but as stupid as humans were they did possess eyes, and sadly had the processing capability to realise it was a little odd for a fighter jet to be sat parked across six disabled parking spaces.
"Do you mind?!" He snarled through his radio when a curious human wandered under his wing and rudely looked up at his underbelly. She shouted and darted away.
He overheard a few humans talking, some of them offering to find a pay phone and call nine one one. Starscream rolled his optics. Somehow he didn't think the local cops would be able to squeeze him in the back of their patrol car.
There was a low rev of a large engine, and Starscream relaxed on his tense landing gear as a Peterbilt truck turned into the parking lot and accelerated in his direction. The humans were familiar with Prime's alt-mode, and took it as confirmation as to identify of the badly parked jet. They wisely moved away, taking shelter along the side of the store.
"Starscream," Prime called to him, his suspension hissing as he rolled to a stop in front of him.
"Oh, hello Prime," Starscream purred, forcing himself to sound surprised.
"What are you doing here?" Prime rumbled ominously.
Starscream felt a twinge of annoyance at how accurate Soundwave's findings had been. Prime could be soft sparked and easily manipulated at times, but generally when it came to Decepticons, particularly the dangerous ones, he shot first and asked questions later.
With a sigh at how fragging predictable grounders could be around a sleek pair of wings, Starscream -bravely- turned on his landing gear, presenting Prime with his rear left, so the truck could get a nice long look at his afterburner.
"Why, I'm taking in the sights, Prime," he said whimsically, sensors directed towards the two dozen humans peaking out at him from behind rows of shopping carts.
"This is a Walmart," tarmac crunched softly under Primes's wheels as he politely drove forwards to be level with Starscream, rather than taking the opportunity to stare right down his thrusters like any other self-respecting pervert might. "You'll find nothing of worth to Megatron here. Leave these people alone."
"Maybe I came to see the people," Starscream eyed one up in particular, an infant squirming in restraints, trapped in a bright pink baby carriage and protesting such an affront loudly. Humans were so uncivilised and cruel. "Fascinating, aren't they?"
There was a pause as Prime mulled over his response, his engine idling.
"If you've come here to seek me out in the hopes that you can seduce information out of me-"
Starscream activated his transformation cog, twisting and unfolding into his intimidating bipedal form. The humans at the front of the store began making noise again. Starscream rolled his optics. Honestly, it was like they'd never seen a Decepticon before. Didn't they own a tv?!
"Wonderful," he dropped the farce and threw up his hands, "How did you find out this time? Has that elitist tower mech been snooping around our base again?!"
He stepped back with his arms folded interrogatively as Prime began to transform, taking his sweet time about it. Starscream didn't dare glance back at the humans for fear of seeing the utter awe in their expressions at the sight of the glorious Prime. Optimus rose to his full impressive height, optics glinting above the mirror shined battle-mask.
"It was a guess, actually," he admitted amusedly.
Starscream could see his own twitching optics glowing in the reflection of Prime's mask.
"It's not your fault Megatron is so predictable," Prime said graciously.
"It was Soundwave's idea," Starscream wasn't going to let the communications officer escape this with a pristine reputation. "Did you know you have a 'noted interest' in flight-frames?" He prodded, hoping to inspire at least an embarrassed blush out of the Autobot, so he wouldn't leave entirely empty handed.
Optimus disappointed him with a wry twinkle of his optics and sure nod, "Is that how they phrased it?"
Annoyed, Starscream squinted at him, "Have you been ogling my air-force, Autobot?"
"No," Optimus's optics never strayed from his face. "Just you."
Oh. Oh. Starscream had miscalculated. Heat filled his face as he realised he was blushing now. He twisted away quickly, but was presented with an entire audience of eavesdropping humans, staring open mouthed in their direction. He hissed, wings fanning forwards and up to widen his silhouette so they would flinch in fright and duck with terrified cries.
"Starscream please, this is a parking lot. Can we take this somewhere else?"
"Take what somewhere else?!" Starscream whirled on him. "You think I'm going to bother fucking you now? You're not going to tell me anything."
Prime's head tipped to the side, his optics reproachfully narrowing, "Careful. The humans-"
"Oh, they don't know what we're talking about," Starscream flapped a hand in their direction.
"Seeing as they invented the word 'fuck'-" Optimus began.
It was so harrowing hearing such a vile organic term from the mouth of the saintly, righteous Prime, and in such a smooth rolling baritone that Starscream felt his blush resurfacing. Against his better judgment, he became flustered again,
"Enough of this. I'm leaving. I can't be seen talking to you-"
"On the contrary," Prime took one sure step towards him. "You were sent here to talk to me."
Starscream took a step back to maintain the distance between them, only for his thruster to land in the centre of a carelessly discarded shopping cart. His weight buckled it and he stumbled with a gasp, the wheels of the cart still functioning well enough to send it shooting forward, taking Starscream's pede with it. He would have landed hard on his aft in front of two dozen fleshbag witnesses, had a strong hand not shot out and caught him by the wrist.
He was hauled upright and quickly kicked the offending wreckage of warped metal away with a snarl. When he looked up, he realised he was standing in Prime's impressive shadow, his hand encased in thick warm fingers. Starscream blinked, the moisture in his mouth abruptly drying out.
Prime leaned in like he was going to kiss him. Starscream's spark thunk-thunked loudly in it's chamber. His vents caught.
Optimus's mask was warm against Starscream's cheek, "Shall we take this elsewhere?" His breath tickled sensitive armour.
Starscream's ventilations restarted with a shudder, a sound like, "Sure," rushing out of his mouth before logical processing could stop him.
Prime, ever the romantic, the pillar of Autobot chicanery and charm, took him around the back of the building.
Well, at least there weren't any humans.
Optimus kissed him. Right up against the metal exterior of the building, his wings creating an audial piercing shriek of metal on metal, spitting up sparks that must have burnt Optimus's fingers fondling his ailerons.
Starscream was ashamed of the noise he made. Desperate. Needy. Shrill. Optimus pushed against him, wanting to get closer, his weight crushing Starscream against the wall. He could tell it wasn't strong enough to bear their full weight, and he hummed in amusement between breathless kisses at the thought of crushing the entire store structure and flattening all the voyeuristic humans inside.
Prime revved his engine as his mouth shifted down to kiss his neck indulgently, laving every cable with attention, leaving them slick with oral lubricants and sore from nipping teeth. Starscream tipped his helm all the way back and groaned. He couldn't remember the last time someone had bothered-
He could stand slumped and weak kneed against the old building for centuries, letting Optimus worship his keyed-up frame, keeping him on the edge - the cusp of abandoning the remnants of inhibition and begging for it, so thoroughly seduced by the skills of his tongue and lips and-
There was a siren in the distance, edging closer, and somehow Starscream knew it was to do with him. He should have shot those miserable humans. One of them must have gotten to the pay phone.
"Hurry," he snapped, lifting a leg and bracing it atop an unattended forklift's roof. His snapped his panel open, baring himself to the world. The chill of the mild spring weather tingled the dampened mesh.
Optimus lifted his head from his neck, optics icy and keen, and looked Starscream in the face when he licked two fingers and reached between their frames to-
Starscream's cries drowned out the sounds of the approaching authorities. Optimus did sinfully talented stroking, plunging, swirling things to him, bullying overwrought sensors into a premature overload that left Starscream's throat raw from shouts and his spark burning with fire.
Optimus withdrew his fingers and focused attention on his anterior node, pressing his thumb to it. Starscream whined, oversensitive to the point where it hurt. He squirmed, needing a moment to gather himself, "Wait-"
"We don't have time," Optimus said, but paused. In the brief moment of stillness the sirens now felt deafening, almost like they were on the otherwise of the building now. "You should flee."
He still had his fingers on Starscream's valve, lubricant dropping between the joints.
But the virtue of being a seeker meant he could do things fast. And Prime's spike was already straining stiffly against his hip, so overloading their systems wasn't likely to be a problem for Prime. And Starscream was particularly talented at ruining a mech's ...stamina.
It was rough, messy, raw, and amazing. Optimus slipped into him and his breath caught at the sensation, spike sinking an extra inch deeper, the mesh of Starscream's valve swallowing him welcomingly.
Starscream clenched down on him, chest blooming with pride at the reaction he had managed to draw out the reserved Prime. With a hand slapped to Optimus's aft, Starscream squeezed and encouraged him to move. Staggered thrusts turned into frantic bucks, and before long the rhythmic clanging of his frame against the side of the building was joined by his building cries.
Optimus's back hunched, his frame tensing, and Starscream felt the delicious pinch of teeth in his neck cabling when Prime overloaded with a snarl and bit him, slowing his movements to savour the last precious few seconds they had.
Car doors slammed. Blue lights were flashing.
Starscream wasn't scared of humans, or their reaction to what this had been. And he'd quite happily shoot them all to remain in his moment of humid, tingling bliss just a little while longer. But Prime was unlikely to forgive him for exterminating his beloved insects right in front of him.
"This was nice," Prime murmured, voice deepened and relaxed. He stepped back, slipping from inside Starscream, and glanced over his shoulder.
Starscream shook out a stiff leg, feeling a shift of deposited materials inside him. The sensation didn't disgust him as much as it had in the past. But, then he hadn't been fragged like that since-
He didn't want to think about it actually.
"Same time next week?" He offered.
Prime looked stunned, '...In a parking lot?"
"I said same time, not same place-"
Running footsteps grew louder. Starscream rolled his optics.
He was about to ignite his thrusters and take to the sky, when a thought came to him. Almost too bold to possibly work. But he tried it anyway. Perhaps 'facing disturbed the Prime's logical processing just enough.
"What about Long beach?" He asked innocently, slyly mentioning the location of Megatron's next raid target. "Unless you have any Autobot patrols we would need to avoid-?"
Optimus shook his helm, "No, no patrols, I-"
Starscream grinned. Mission accomplished. He ignited his thrusters with a roaring rush of smoke and air, delighting in the utterly dishevelled state he had left the Prime in. Optimus stood back, watching his ascent, growing smaller and smaller on the ground below, slightly puzzled, mostly dazed.
"See you Prime!" Starscream called cheerfully, emboldened by both the glorious afterglow and his unexpected success.
Soundwave had clearly been onto something.