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From the tallest building in Blüdhaven, the city was completely different. Damian sat, dangling and swinging his legs, as the sun rose and shone off of the water in the bay. Up close, Damian knew, the water was murky and clogged with bobbing debris, but the glint of the sun hid that from him when he saw it from all the way up here. It was quiet; the noise of the streets didn’t reach up here—the workers cleaning the streets, the screeching of the metro, the shouting.
Grayson had taught him to love places like this. Up high, everything was different. Grayson had called it “a clearer perspective.” He’d told Damian, “I come up here to re-orient myself. You know, Robin, when you’re down there, everything is so up-close and you’re right in the thick of it. The buildings are taller than you, you get shoved and pushed in the crowd, and the streetlamps are just bright enough to show you all the rats crawling out of the sewers.” He’d taken off Batman’s cowl then, and ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s the same thing with being Robin. You have to look at it like this. That way, instead of showing you the rats, the streetlights are like stars.”
Damian had scoffed. At the time, he didn’t believe anything Grayson told him: he wasn’t Damian’s father; his father was dead, and Grayson thought he could replace him. Now, though, he felt like Grayson’s words had seeped down into his bones.
That was good, because Grayson probably wouldn’t be saying any more of that; it was Damian’s duty now to hold onto as much of him as he could. Just after Damian thought he had his brother back, KGBeast had shot him in the head, and he was gone again. That was what brought him up here: he needed a clearer perspective. He itched to kill KGBeast. It scraped at his every thought. He couldn’t go a day without rage crawling in him.
How was any of this fair? First, Damian had died. Then, he came back to life, but Grayson was dead. They’d been reunited and things had miraculously worked out, and Damian had been almost ready to believe that the world was a genuinely good place. But after all that, after things aligning so well, finding hope, KGBeast had ruined it. Grayson deserved better, and KGBeast deserved worse.
Damian kicked his legs harder against the concrete of the building. Above the city like this was the perfect place to make his choice.
Grayson was the one who’d taught him the value of life. He would be disappointed in Damian if he killed the KGBeast. Damian could already picture the look: Grayson standing sternly with his hands on his hips, but sadness and pity in his eyes. Grayson would never make that look again. Grayson was no longer Grayson.
Something had to be done. The world was unfair, and Damian wasn’t going to wait for it to take away the only good things he had left. Grayson was gone and Ric wouldn’t care; Ric didn’t even like Damian.
Earlier that day, when they were finally allowed into the hospital after the surgery, Damian planned to tell Grayson about the animals. He always liked hearing about them; he would smile, ask questions, and try to ruffle Damian’s hair, so Damian hoped that it would distract him from the possibility of forced retirement from Nightwing.
“I am teaching Ace how to open doors, he is progressing very quickly. He now fetches my blades for me, even when my door is closed. It was a brilliant-”
“Look. Kid. I’m sorry, I don’t know you, I don’t know your dog, and I don’t care. I’m not Dick. I need you to leave me alone.”
“Do you remember Pennyworth? Last week, he caught Alfred, the cat, in the-”
“What part of leave me alone don’t you understand? I. Don’t. Know. You. I can’t babysit, God, I’m strapped to a hospital bed! Get! Out!”
Damian had stormed out and come directly to Blüdhaven to get above and away from everything. The tear tracks on his face had long since dried, but he didn’t think he could face everything yet, so even as the sun rose, he stayed. The sunrise was beautiful but cruel. He couldn’t start another day with his family, he could never adjust himself to "Ric" in Grayson’s stead.
The world was horrible, and killing KGBeast wouldn’t fix the damage he had done, but the world would be slightly better with him gone. Damian was already a killer; he’d killed more people than he could count, not that he’d ever bothered to keep track. One more wouldn’t make a difference.
When the sun rises above the waterline completely, he thought, I’ll leave, and I’ll track him down and kill him.
Until then, he looked out over the city and tried to find what Grayson saw.
Damian could almost hear him saying, Don’t worry so much about it, Little D. The point is to not worry.
“Tt. Nonsensical as always,” he replied to the voice in his head. Then, “I,” he started. He quickly looked around, just to double check that he really was alone up here. “I miss you already,” he whispered. He felt the beginning of tears and snot, so he sniffed and blinked until they left.
When the sun left the water, he stood up and turned around to leave, only to see someone else on the other end of the roof.
“Damian,” Drake called.
“Turn around and jump off, Drake,” Damian called back. He stood with his arms crossed. Had Drake followed him there? Was he going to lecture him? Did his father send him?
“I just talked to Dick,” Drake said, walking closer. That gave Damian pause—did Grayson send Drake? “He told me to leave him alone.” With every word, he stepped forward and he didn’t have to yell so loud to be heard. “And, he told me that he sent you away and that he wasn’t a damn babysitter.”
Drake sounded bitter, so for once they had something in common.
“Tt,” is all Damian could say, unable to even come up with an insult for Drake.
Drake sat down where Damian had been sitting just barely watching the sunrise and patted the concrete next him, motioning for Damian to sit. Damian did not.
“Dick loved to climb up high,” Drake said. “I think it made him feel at home, plus, he always said something about perspective.” He heaved a sigh and craned his head back to look at Damian. The sun glistened off tears in his eyes. “You and I both know that the Dick we saw today was not Dick. One day, he may make it back to himself, but for now… I think it’ll be a bit.” He pulled one leg to his chest and let the other dangle off the edge as he continued, “I know he loved you a lot. I can’t figure out why- I’m sorry, forget I said that last bit. What I’m saying is, even though we haven’t ever gotten along, I want to try. For Dick.”
“Tt.” Damian took a hesitating step toward Drake, then lowered himself down to sit next to him. He refused to look at him, though, eyes on the horizon. Drake moved to pat his shoulder, but Damian grabbed his hand and twisted. “If you try to touch me again, I throw you off.”
“Ha! So endearing. I see now why Dick likes you so much.”
After that comment, they sat in silence for a while. Drake swung his legs like Damian was doing earlier, so Damian very pointedly did not kick or swing his own.
“You know,” Drake said, glancing at Damian from the side of his eye, “I don’t think I ever quite understood Jason until today. Dick was shot, and Bruce does nothing? Weak. Doesn’t Dick deserve more than that, after everything?”
“My father-” Damian starts, defensively, but Drake doesn’t stop at the interruption.
“Then, I realized, I get it. Bruce is right. If we went and killed the KGBeast, that would just continue a cycle of violence. It would just go from generation to generation. Bruce passes it to us, just like Talia passed it to you.”
“My mother-”
“Changing the world isn’t easy, Damian. Especially for us. It always starts with little things like this. If we killed KGBeast, why don’t we kill every criminal? It would be unfair to only kill criminals who only hurt us personally.”
Damian agreed. If he killed the KGBeast, he would have to kill most criminals he met. For the sake of justice and fairness.
Drake sighed and turned his head to Damian, trying to look him in the eyes. Damian still refused to look back, gazing out over the city.
“Not every criminal, not even every murderer, deserves to die,” Drake said. “I stick by this more than ever. I need to, for Dick. God, Damian, when you first showed up, I thought you were hopeless and that we either needed to send you back to Talia or lock you up. You had killed people, and, sorry, but you were an insufferable brat.” He huffed a short laugh. “Still are sometimes.”
“I will push you off.”
“Wait, Damian. Listen, for once. It took years to convince me. Dick kept telling me that it wasn’t really your fault and that I just had to give you a chance. I never really did, and I’m sorry for that.” He took a deep breath. “That’s his legacy. His legacy is you. He loved you and was so proud of you, Damian. And he was right. I hate to say this, but I just needed to give you a chance. What do you say? Will you give me a chance?”
“Tt.”
Drake laughed, a little teary. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
They sat in silence as the sun climbed the sky and the shadows shortened. Damian still itched to kill the KGBeast, but maybe that wouldn’t be justice after all. He had been just about to leave and hunt him down when Drake showed up, but now, he’d thought better of it.
“Drake,” he said.
“Hm?”
“I don’t need babysitting. Tell that to Grayson when you see him next. And, also tell him that... he was right about perspective.”