Chapter Text
~Prologue - The World Tour Encore Show, Seoul~
Hyungu wasn’t sure why he agreed to step outside and talk to his ex. Maybe he expected Amanda to provide a little closure for him. She took him out behind the venue and leaned against the wall, not making eye contact. Her hands rested softly against her stomach. Hyungu stood in front of her, patience slowly draining away. “Are you going to say anything to me?” he finally asked.
“I’m sorry, Hyungu,” Amanda said, still not meeting his eyes. The last time she started a conversation with those words, he didn’t have a girlfriend anymore when it ended. He folded his arms across his chest and waited for her to continue. “I never had a girlfriend. I lied.”
“Why?” Hyungu growled. Amanda shrank, wrapping her arms around herself. Hyungu knew he was being cold.
“I… I thought it would be better for you if you had a reason to break up with me. I couldn’t just end it all without giving you a reason. And I knew if I told you the real reason you’d insist on staying, but I was so afraid of ruining your reputation.”
“Having a girlfriend wouldn’t ruin my reputation,” Hyungu said. “You know that. It might piss a few hundred people off, but who cares? Fuck them. So, what are you here for? You think you can just come back and apologize for lying and everything will be fine again?”
“No, Hyungu. Nothing like that.” Amanda bit her bottom lip. “I just… I realized this isn’t something I can do on my own. I think I need you. We don’t ever have to get back together if you don’t want to. But you should know that I’m pregnant.”
Hyungu felt his heart skip. He turned cold with fear. “Are you sure?”
“I’ve seen a doctor about it,” Amanda said. “I’m… let me think… about ten weeks? Give or take a few days. As I said, we never have to date again. I just don’t want to do this alone. And I think this baby deserves to know their father.”
“I… I need some time,” Hyungu breathed. He let his arms drop to his sides. “I’m going back in to pack up. You should go home. Get there safely.”
“Do you still want to date me?” Hyungu mumbled against Yonghoon’s bare chest. The fingers carding through his hair paused. “I mean, now that Amanda came back and told the truth. I wouldn’t want to be with me if I were you.”
“I still want to be with you,” Yonghoon said, resuming running his fingers through Hyungu’s hair at a soothing pace. “I do think you need to figure out what happens when Amanda graduates and goes home. How much are you actually going to see your kid after that?”
“I don’t know.” Hyungu squeezed his eyes shut. Yonghoon pulled the blanket up, covering Hyungu’s shoulder. He held on tightly. Hyungu had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to leave Yonghoon’s bed that night if he wanted to. “We didn’t talk about any of that. I just told her I needed some time to think about it all. I don’t know what to do, hyung.”
“You want to be a dad, don’t you?” Yonghoon asked. Hyungu nodded. “Then you should talk things out with Amanda.”
“How do I trust her after she lied about something so big?”
Yonghoon shrugged. “Maybe you never will. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be civil and raise your child if that’s what you want to do.”
“All I want to do right now is sleep,” Hyungu mumbled.
Amanda had suggested meeting up for tea in a café. Hyungu had to insist on her meeting him at the band’s apartment. It wasn’t a conversation they could have in public. He could still make her a cup of tea if she wanted one so badly.
Hyungu’s own turmoil felt at odds with the generally happy mood in the apartment lately, sparked by Giwook and Dongmyeong’s upcoming wedding. He was excited for them, but the worry and anger and pain all seemed to fight against his excitement. So when Dongmyeong told Hyungu there would be an appointment the Wednesday before the wedding to have everyone’s suits fitted, all he could do was close his eyes, sigh, and nod.
He made a pot of tea when Amanda arrived, setting the tea and cups on a tray and carrying it to the table in the living room. He poured her cup first, before serving himself. He drank deeply, focusing on the earthy flavor of the tea, the heat as it trickled down his throat and into his stomach, and the warmth that spread throughout his body. Opening his eyes again, Hyungu turned to look Amanda in the eyes for the first time since the world tour began. “I want to be there,” he said. “I want to raise my child.”
“Good,” Amanda said.
“What happens when you finish college and go home?”
“I don’t think I’m going home.” Amanda shrugged, pulling into herself more. She had never been so shy and uncomfortable around Hyungu and it scared him a little. “I mean, if you want to do this, I want them to be as close to their father as possible. So I might see if there’s a way for me to stay here. I’m sure it’ll be an easier process when I’m the mother of a native-born Korean.” She smiled slightly and sipped her tea. “I want you to name them. They’ll be mixed. It’ll be hard to fit in with an English name. So I want you to name them. Give them your family name, if it’s not too much to ask for. And choose a beautiful Korean name.”
“I can choose a name,” Hyungu said. “I don’t know about using my family name. I know it’s traditional for a baby to be registered under the father’s family name. I don’t trust you, Amanda.”
“I understand why you wouldn’t trust me,” she said. “Do what you want. Just as long as you’re here. I think I’d like to alternate weeks with you. Like, starting a few months after the baby is born. So I’ll have them for a week and you’ll take them for a week and we’ll just go back and forth like that.”
“That sounds kind of jarring for a baby,” Hyungu said. “I guess we’ll just have to see what works out. Is there anything you need from me right now?”
“Well, I have my twelve-week checkup on Saturday. I’d like you to come along if you can.”
“We’re babysitting Seungjin’s kids this weekend.” Hyungu refilled his teacup. “I’ll go, but I can’t be gone all day. And I have to be really careful about it. A few years ago, maybe I could walk into a hospital with someone and few people would take any notice. Not anymore. So, what happens at this checkup?”
“We’ll get to see the baby and hear their heartbeat.”
Hyungu poured more tea in Amanda’s cup. “I’ll make sure I can be there.”