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Leonard was between Penny's legs, doing that thing he'd googled and doing it very well. She was almost there, a pillow jammed to her mouth so as not to wake...
Knock, knock, knock.
"Leonard and Penny!"
Leonard stopped what he was doing.
Knock, knock, knock.
"Leonard and Penny!"
"Why are you stopping? Don't stop now!" Penny whispered, a little frantic.
Knock, knock, knock.
"Leonard and Penny!"
"He won't go away!" Leonard whispered back, tossing a blanket over Penny's naked form before yelling, "What the hell do you want?"
Sheldon walked in the door. Penny glared at Leonard.
"Do you ever lock the door?"
"Leonard knows better than to try and keep me out," chipped in Sheldon, "I had a bad dream."
"This is a really bad time," snapped Penny, more than a little frustrated.
Sheldon took a seat at the bottom of the bed, Leonard dropped his head into his hands. It had been weeks since the break-in and Sheldon's ill-fated attempt to find somewhere safer to live and he was still being extra needy. Needier than the baseline Sheldon was pretty damn needy.
"Why don't you go make yourself a cup of warm milk and watch some Star Trek?" suggested Leonard in a gentle voice. Penny smiled at Leonard's paternal tone. Such a sensitive man with such a talented mouth.
"Go away, Sheldon!" she snapped.
Sheldon looked put out, as though she were the intruder in the situation. No doubt that was exactly how he saw their situation.
"It's scary in the living room."
"Then watch TV in your room," proffered Leonard, only a slight edge to his voice.
"It's scary in my room."
"It's about to get scary in this room," threatened Penny, ineffectively.
"Are you saying you want to sleep here?" asked Leonard, in no way making an invitation.
"That's a capital idea!" Sheldon jumped under the covers next to Leonard. Penny felt like her eyes were going to fall out. No one... NO ONE is that thick!
Even Leonard was gobsmacked, "Sheldon... you can't sleep here. There are already two of us in the bed."
"The two of you are tiny, you won't be in my way."
"Sheldon, sweetie," Penny tried to sound gentle, "you need to get the fuck out of this room now. We're busy."
"Doing what? Oh. Oh!"
Sheldon looked horrified but he didn't get out of bed. He must have had a hell of a dream. Normally the hint of sex sent him running.
"Yes, we were in the middle of 'oh' and I was about ten seconds from getting my 'o' and I'm going to get VERY cranky if you do not get out of this room!"
"You're going to 'get' cranky?"
Penny sat up and dropped her blanket. That shut him up. But it did not scare him away. Now he was just lying there with his eyes closed.
"Leonard and I are going to start having sex on the count of three."
Leonard raised his eyebrows.
"1... 2... 2½... fuck it, 3."
Penny pushed Leonard down on his back and climbed on top.
Penny was kissing her way down his chest and working his erection with her hand. It was getting harder and harder to be the sensible one.
"Penny, I'm sure if we just, oh god, talk to Sheldon..."
She started pulling down his boxers. Leonard grabbed the blanket and pulled it over him, Penny knocked it back off.
"Sheldon, just give us twenty minutes and I'll come watch TV with you until you fall, oh fuck, asleep."
"Why? Penny's fine mating in the open like a hippy? We'll have a good old fashioned love in?"
"Sheldon, you can't be that stubborn!"
"You continue to underestimate me," Sheldon snapped, opening his eyes to meet Leonard's. Penny took that opportunity to take Leonard into her mouth. Leonard closed his eyes and moaned. He'd tried. If Penny and Sheldon wanted to duke it out for most stubborn human being alive, it was their own look out.
For seven years, Sheldon had stifled any sexual thoughts about his roommate. Seven years undone by this corn-husking goddess. Her golden hair brushed against Leonard's stomach as she licked and sucked him senseless. Leonard's face was contorted in pleasure, his hands gripping the sheets. Penny raised her green eyes to Sheldon, her gaze triumphant. Sheldon told Leonard not to speak to her! She'd brought nothing but chaos into their lives with her beauty and her kindness and her disturbing lack of shame regarding sexual congress. How could Leonard tolerate someone so stubborn? Sheldon sat up, and turned to sit cross-legged and watch as Penny fellated his best friend. This was the line in the sand. He was tired of adapting to Penny. It was his apartment and his friend.
Penny worked Leonard’s cock with her mouth until he seemed to forget to be uncomfortable. She glanced at Sheldon and was surprised when he not only met her gaze but began to openly and pointedly watch. She hadn't expected that.
She wasn't about to back out now. Sheldon wanted to play hardball? She knew for a fact she was the only person in the room who didn't throw like a girl.
Penny teased the tip of Leonard's penis with her tongue, little flicks and kisses before taking his entire length. Both men groaned. That was a point to Penny. She worked the shaft hard, moaning like a porn star. As she checked in on Sheldon, she noticed his eyes spent as much time on Leonard as they did on her. It didn't come as a big surprise but she was suddenly filled with all kinds of naughty ideas.
Penny pushed past Sheldon to grab the box of condoms from the nightstand. She used her mouth to slide the condom down Leonard's shaft. It was one of the few things she'd learned in community college that she'd found useful in real life. If more guest speakers had been like that, she'd have graduated. Penny straddled Leonard's waist and slowly lowered herself until he was deep inside of her, staring into Sheldon's eyes the entire time. She moaned and arched her back, giving Sheldon plenty to fill his pretty blue eyes before she began to move. Leonard was biting his lip the way he did when he was trying to be quiet because Sheldon was in the next room.
She dropped her head so she could whisper into his ear, "You can make noise, sweetie, I'm pretty sure Sheldon knows what we're doing."
That earned her two glares. Both sets of eyes followed her hand and she reached for Sheldon's hand and brought it between her legs. Sheldon stared at his hand like it was a foreign object, something totally unconnected to his body. She showed him how to work her clitoris until his long fingers began to move of their own accord. He was a fast learner. She was barely moving but Leonard was digging his fingers into her thighs.
"Sheldon, sweetie, you're about to make us both come. Just with your hand..."
He was watching his hand, hypnotized.
"A little faster, sweetie... that's perfect, perfect."
She began to ride Leonard harder.
"Almost there, don't stop," she moaned at both men. The moment her body clenched in orgasm, Leonard followed her. Sheldon's hand remained between her legs but still. His cheeks were red and he was panting. She could see his erection through his pajama bottoms. The man wore a lot of clothes just to sleep.
Now it was Sheldon's turn.
Leonard was panting from what had been a simply mind-blowing orgasm. Leonard Leakey Hofstadter in a (sort of) three way! Penny had introduced him to a world of blatant carnality that never ceased to amaze him and now she was bringing Sheldon along for the ride. As the blood began to flow back to his brain, so did reason. This was a dangerous game.
Sheldon was still gently moving his hand between Penny's legs, only stopping when she carefully climbed off of Leonard. He debated going to the bathroom to clean up but opted to just throw the condom in his waste basket. He didn't dare leave the room.
His roommate's eyes were wide and his face was pale other than his flushed cheeks. Horny Sheldon, a creature he had come to think was as mythical as unicorns and true love. He knew Sheldon jerked off, normally from 9-9:15 varying around what was on tv, but it had always seemed perfunctory. A part of Sheldon's schedule.
Now he was sitting cross legged, his plaid pajamas tented, staring at Leonard's girlfriend. Penny, naturally, was showing off her body to its best advantage. She loved her body and loved being admired. Even post-coital and exhausted, Leonard felt a need to touch her, to kneel behind her and caress her hips and breasts, be part of her eternal sunshine. Sheldon watched Leonard's hands as they explored the petite blonde thoroughly. Leonard moved his hand between her legs and slid two fingers inside of her. She leaned back into him, wrapping her arms over her head and around his neck, offering her perky and perfect breasts to be admired. More than admired but Sheldon wasn't taking the bait. He remained in place like he was frozen.
Leonard had enjoyed fucking Penny in front of Sheldon. He wanted to watch Penny with Sheldon. He'd imagined Penny with other men.
He'd also imagined Sheldon with women. Imagined his roommate losing himself deep inside someone, becoming a "man". Man of course being a term that described an adult male who lived his life around getting laid as often as possible.
He worked his fingers in and out of Penny while she moaned. She was always a moaner but he knew she liked to amp it up for Sheldon, knew it got her off to imagine his staid roommate trying to block out the noise. In her apartment, she groaned and yelled her explicit instructions but only in Leonard's bedroom (when Sheldon was in the other room) did she give a running commentary.
"I love riding your big cock."
"That's it, fuck me hard from behind."
"I love feeling your tongue deep inside of me."
Most of the time he tried to muffle her, sometimes begging her to be quiet. Sometimes, usually after some drinks or when Sheldon was especially annoying, he just let himself enjoy it. He always felt guilty the next morning. Guilty and horny.
"Do you want to fuck me, Sheldon? Do you want to put your cock inside me?"
Leonard laughed at the prudish look on Sheldon's face but the Texan wasn't saying no. He kept working his fingers in and out as Penny pulled Sheldon in for a kiss. It was a kiss so sweet and gentle it was at complete odds with the rest of the situation. It was a tender love scene in the middle of a porn. Leonard was already getting turned on again. The blood was once again diverting from his brain and taking reason with it. He welcomed the loss. He was finding reason to be highly over rated.
Sheldon responded to a softer approach. Salty language may curl Leonard's hair (well, in his case straighten) but she got the feeling it was too much for Sheldon. She tested her theory with a light and gentle kiss and soon found Sheldon's tongue in her mouth. Just that simple. Form a hypothesis and test it. Leonard had his experiments and she had hers.
When she'd joked about her "conclusive" experiment proving neurotic over-achieving physicists got off on being tied up, Leonard had pointed out she needed a control group. She suggested they bring in Sheldon. It had been a joke. (The kind of joke you make to test the waters and see what your partner might be willing to try.) Leonard had been stern and adamant that she shouldn't even mention his roommate while they were in bed but she could tell it turned him on. Who wouldn't be a freak in the bedroom with a mother like Beverly Hofstadter?
Now, Sheldon was a different story. He'd had a loving and warm mother and good Christian upbringing. He wanted to make love to her. And to Leonard.
She could feel Leonard starting to harden again as he pressed behind her. It would take him a while to recover fully, she had some time.
She pulled Sheldon's long fingered hands to her breasts. Leonard was working his fingers in and out of her in a gentle rhythm. She was tempted to replace his fingers with Sheldon's longer digits but she had a feeling Leonard would orchestrate the trade off if she let him. He just needed time.
Sheldon's hands were gentle as he explored her breasts just as his one hand had been gentle when he thought he was cupping her elbow. When she thought about that day (and she frequently thought about that day) she edited out the excruciating pain and gave the events a very different ending. She liked to imagine guiding Sheldon, clueless and beautiful, through his first sexual experience. Sometimes she imagined being the gentle teacher, sometimes she just jumped his bones and blew his mind.
In reality, it looked like gentle teacher was going to win out.
She had to physically guide his mouth to her breasts but once his mouth was in place, it was delightfully eager. She felt Leonard's fingers slide free and she smiled as his fingers wrapped around Sheldon's wrist, guiding his hand down. Another hypothesis proven. Sheldon's fingers were obscenely long. She hoped this wasn't going to be a one time thing. She could spend a month on those fingers alone.
Leonard was kissing her shoulder, sliding his hands along her hips. That was his special little kink. He wasn't so much an assman as a hipman. He'd laughed when she pointed it out saying it was the first time anyone used his name in connection with the words "hip man". He always made those self-deprecating remarks, reminding them both they were "Beauty and the Geek" lest one of them forget and think they were "Community school drop-out and the genius". They certainly didn't want to be "Waitress and guy with a real career", not since Beverly had unintentionally pointed out that fun similarity between Leonard and his father.
Penny wasn't a genius but she wasn't responsible for her own orgasms. She had two of the finest minds in the country working on that. She had leadership skills.
"Take your clothes off for me, sweetie. I want to see you."
Those blue eyes reflected such vulnerability and arousal, she had to kiss him again and whisper, "We want to see you." Those eyes darted towards Leonard and while she couldn't see the other man's response, she knew that what she said was true. Leonard must have nodded the go ahead because Sheldon pulled his wonderful fingers away and began to disrobe. He took his time, unbuttoning each button, folding his clothing neatly. He was relentlessly Sheldon.
Penny encouraged Sheldon to lie down on the bed. He was outwardly compliant but she could see he was chaffing at being told what to do. Sheldon didn't like not being good at things or needing others. She kissed his lips and his jaw and his long neck. His hands were glued to his sides, his hands balled into fists. He (Sheldon!) was completely silent. Penny took it as a challenge. She continued to kiss her way to his chest, running her mouth along his rib cage. He was so skinny for a man who lived on take-out food and avoided all non-Wii related physical activity. She shot a glance over her shoulder at Leonard who was sitting naked, cross-legged and with his glasses on. His head was titled thoughtfully as he surveyed the scene of his girlfriend getting ready to go down on his best friend with a certain detachment. If Sheldon was being quiet and Leonard was capable of forming thoughts, she was not performing up to her full potential.
Penny took her time kissing Sheldon's stomach and thighs, avoiding her final destination until both her boys were panting audibly. That was better. She took Sheldon deep in her throat and his entire body curled in shocked pleasure. That's how they do it in Nebraska.
Among the things Sheldon liked least in the world were: birds, illogical actions, feeling out of his element, being exposed to the bodily fluids of others, being touched, and nakedness (his or others). Look at what happened when you let Penny into your apartment and your life. Chaos!
Now he was whimpering and gripping the sheets and trying desperately to hold off his orgasm for a few more minutes as Penny worked him hard and fast with her talented mouth. Things were almost dire enough for him to think about baseball.
Her hair was tickling his stomach and thighs. He hesitantly reached out to stroke the blonde locks. Today she had worn her hair straight and it slipped easily through his hands like water. He wondered what Penny's hair looked like when it wasn't treated. You could never really tell from the roots. He tried to imagine her with darker hair.
Her lips were touching his scrotum.
The stars at night are big and bright...
He didn't want this to end.
Deep in the heart of Texas...
He wanted to do it again. Right away. Everyday for the rest of his life.
That's why he should have never started on this path. This slippery, slippery, wet... slope.
"I'm going to ejaculate."
Penny's muffled chuckle vibrated like a cannon blast through his body and he was done for. He'd never had a chance. Penny was kissing him again.
It was a slippery slope.
Penny was kissing him again and Leonard felt like he was losing his mind. Penny couldn't be real! Women like this only existed in magazines and fuzzy TV stations or (with the addition of visible scars) on the internet. This was the kind of woman normal mothers warned you to stay away from. What did Leonard's mom say about women like Penny?
"Keep your eye on your wallet and do not give her your birthday or my maiden name. And quit using the same password on all your accounts, Kal-el."
Penny had turned Sheldon into a panting animal. She was a wicked woman for sure.
She was stroking his cock and he was ready to go but he knew she had a plan. She always had a plan.
"You should teach Sheldon that thing you googled... It might come in handy in the future."
Leonard tossed his glasses on the bedside table, tossed Penny down beside Sheldon and dove between her legs. In minutes she was wrapping her legs around his neck and pulling his hair.
"Oh, fuck yeah. That's it. Right there." Without his glasses he could only see a fuzzy outline of Sheldon as he kissed Penny's breasts. He hadn't run screaming, he hadn't gone catatonic. He hadn't even washed his hands. Howard was right, the only thing wrong with Sheldon was he needed to get laid. Occam’s razor. The simplest answer is usually correct.
Penny announced a position change with a clap of her hands like they were on a film set. Leonard was now on his back with Penny straddling his face (facing Sheldon) and working Leonard's erection with her hand. He didn't question the move, he had faith in Penny's decisions. She thought he questioned her intelligence but he knew when to defer to the wisdom of others.
"Sheldon, sweetie, why don't you give me a hand," she purred. Leonard couldn't see what she was doing but he noticed when her hand suddenly got a hell of a lot bigger. He didn't really want to think about it. It was better not to think. Penny was right, the bedroom was no place for thinking and he wasn't sure whose mouth was currently tasting the tip of his cock.
Okay, that was Penny. He'd know that mouth anywhere. And then the lips were gone.
And that was not Penny, oh good god, that was not Penny running those lips up and down so gently. He could have questioned her but his mouth was otherwise occupied. He moaned into Penny, it was good. It wasn't skilled but it was surprisingly eager and it was so very good. How was he ever going to look Sheldon in the eye again?
Penny was dying. Leonard was killing her with his tongue and fingers and Sheldon was killing her with the most amazing blow job she'd ever seen. She'd always wanted to see two guys go at it but this was beyond anything she'd ever imagined. He didn't have the skill or diffused gag reflex of a, well a Penny, but he was eager and thorough and he was making Leonard moan between her legs. She'd never made Leonard moan like that and god knows she'd tried. Now she knew the trick to getting Leonard to finally and truly let go in the bedroom, Sheldon.
Penny stroked his short dark hair and he worked his roommate's shaft and whispered suggestions.
"Work the base with your hand. Try to keep two separate rhythms."
Leonard groaned.
"Don't forget the step children."
Sheldon looked baffled.
She tried to remember the correct term. Scrotum? Fuck it.
"Lick his balls."
Only Sheldon could manage a prudish look with a dick in his mouth.
"If being a theoretical physicist doesn't work out for you, sweetie, you could become a porn star."
That did it.
"Penny, I hardly think someone of my intellect and with my propensity for hygienic..."
Leonard was also yelling at her but she couldn't understand it (though it felt pretty good). This could quickly descend into, what was a good antiquated Sheldon word?, tomfoolery.
"Calm down Martin and Lewis, we've got a show to do."
Penny, reluctantly climbed off of Leonard and laid down after tossing Sheldon a condom. After all that he'd already been through, the lanky Texan still managed to look shocked. Penny wondered if she had ever been that much of an innocent.
Sheldon read the directions on the packet before extracting and utilizing the contents.
Penny opened her legs in clear invitation and Leonard was watching with his mouth open.
Sheldon licked his lips nervously, "Penny, I haven't until this occasion participated in the act of..."
Penny cut him off, "There's a first time for everything, sweetie."
"While that is true to a degree..."
"You're with your best friend and the hussy next door. What could be a more ideal situation?"
Sheldon grimaced, "I don't think of you as a hussy, Penny."
She felt oddly moved and said thank you.
As Sheldon positioned himself between her legs he added, "I imagine many other people might use such derogatory terms to describe your promiscuity but I... Ow! Leonard, you hit me."
"I barely touched you, now shuuuut up!"
Penny grabbed Leonard by the hair and pulled him down for a kiss before turning her attention back to Sheldon.
Sheldon was immediately overwhelmed by the sensation of Penny. He had thought his recent orgasm and the latex sheath would offer him a degree of control.
He was wrong.
Penny was groaning beneath him. Leonard was breathing heavily beside him. His olfactory senses were being assaulted with a myriad of unfamiliar scents. His penis was twitching with every movement from Penny, even when he held perfectly still. He realized belatedly she was speaking to him. He'd been trying so hard to block everything out...
"...you feel so good inside me. Just relax. You're doing so good..."
That was not helpful. He thought about church. He imagined the oppressive heat and the illusion of a breeze from the ceiling fan and his mother pinching him for 'fidgeting'.
Sheldon began thrusting. It was amazing, it was overwhelmingly good, it was... too much. He stopped again and breathed and thought of church and Kripke and Babylon 5.
He felt a hand on his waist, both of Penny's hands were on his shoulders. The hand was moving in small circles.
People touching his food, riding the bus, pop psychologists.
The hand moved down, caressing his buttocks.
Birds. Birds touching his food. Riding a bus full of birds.
A drizzle of cool liquid, lubricant between his cheeks. The strange sensation helped. He began to move.
The finger pressing inside didn't hurt but it was strange and he wasn't sure he liked it. Then the finger was moving in time with his thrusts.
Turbriskefil. Three tined forks. People who pronounced the t in often.
By the third finger, he knew why men were so desirous of having their prostate stimulated, he was panting and there were tears on his cheeks from squeezing his eyes shut so tightly and Penny was probably drawing blood with her long fingernails digging into his shoulders. He was out of upsetting images. He was down to the fact Pluto was no longer classified as a planet. Oh wait, Goofy. That would by him a few more minutes. Goofy... and his hat!
Leonard was behind him now. He wasn't going to... He couldn't possibly be planning to... He was working his way inside. Sheldon stopped moving and found Leonard was propelling them both.
Penny was cursing like a sailor, apparently pleased with her machinations. Sheldon stopped thinking entirely. He at long last gave in. He was a fool to try and fight when Penny had a plan.
Leonard ran his hands lightly over his best friend's hips. This was insane. More than that, it was impossible. Sheldon was making primal noises and Penny was turning the air blue. Leonard was the only one keeping quiet, keeping some iota of control. He wanted this to be good. He wanted this to be the beginning of something, not the end. Sheldon was thrusting back into Leonard and letting himself be thrust into Penny. They were working as a team.
Sheldon was so tight and responsive and Penny was so beautiful and such a dirty girl and watching them together had been... He felt ill-equipped to deal with the emotions he was feeling. It was a depraved threesome and it was the closest thing he'd ever felt to a religious experience. He felt like he was a part of something bigger. Penny was right, he thought too much in bed. He closed his eyes and gave over to the feeling of Sheldon clenching him like a vice and the sounds of ecstasy that filled the room.
Penny had long believed that really crazy hot sex was the best medicine for whatever ailed you. She wouldn't be able to walk tomorrow but she would damn sure be in a good mood. Sheldon moaned in her ear as he came. She could barely see his choir boy face contort into that pleasure/pain grimace but it was all in his voice. He remained trapped between them as Leonard's thrusts turned rough and ragged. Penny was able to orgasm one more time before Leonard buried his face in his friend's back and it was all over.
"Penny. Sheldon. Penny. Sheldon." He was mumbling under his breath and it sounded like a prayer.
Sheldon's hair was dark with sweat and his eyes were wide and unblinking. He looked feral. Penny kissed him deeply and he looked a little more... Sheldony.
Leonard was the responsible one as always, making sure everyone disengaged safely. Wouldn't want to end up pregnant in a threesome with your boyfriend's bestie.
Although it would be a good way to get her own reality show.
Penny was sore and dehydrated and said so to Leonard who provided a mini bottle of water and Tylenol from his bedside drawer. It would take more than one crazy orgy to change Leonard.
Sheldon got up and announced he was going to take a shower and that NO ONE had better talk to him through the door!
He seemed unchanged.
Penny started wondering how she could orchestrate another encounter. Give Sheldon a chance to fuck Leonard.
She certainly hadn't changed. No harm, no foul.