Archive of Our Own

Taehyung is in his bed resting his head against Jungkook's bed post as he languidly strokes Jungkook's hair, eyes skimming over what looks like some traveller's blog .
He can sense what's coming even before Taehyung has moved his lips.
After years of hard work and no proper rest they were suddenly given an extended break of whole 8 weeks. And nobody saw it coming and definitely nobody's complaining because this was much needed.
Jungkook has been growing up with this company and these 6 people for almost 10 years now. He has completely encapsulated his routine, his entire life around them and even though they do get to have breaks in between their tour destinations and several schedules, it's always filled with practices, not much of a change or rest. Jungkook's other idol friends always had to tell stories of how much it sucks to constantly be with same people, same places hardly getting to do anything for themselves but Jungkook ? Jungkook has never felt like that. Heck the first thought that crossed his mind after the meeting where the vacation was discussed, was that he is gonna miss everyone. It's been two days since the meeting and everyone is ecstatic and Jungkook has been playing "I'm so excited too" card around them. Not even Taehyung has noticed his reluctance. Yet.
Taehyung.
Taehyung has always been a constant in Jungkook's life. Taehyung is Jungkook's safe place but safe places are just that. Safe places. When Jungkook sneaks moments for himself in these two passing days amidst last minute photoshoots, he is often wondering what exactly will he do in the vacation. It's not like he has never made any plans for ocassions like such. But he hardly ever thought about a week without his familiar routine. No matter however much he dreams with Taehyung of traveling together. They never had the chance. Never had chance to do alot of things. Oh well.
So when he talked with Yugyeom the afternoon, that this is his chance to explore more. Get away from the hustling and bustling of idol life, to enjoy what feels like normal 22 year old guy's day, Jungkook thought it was a nice idea. If he keeps being protected in his safe place he will never be able to accept changes. And Jungkook knows till now he has been very lucky for this life, he is beyond grateful but it's too much, too tight sometimes. And Jungkook who loves routine from his singing classes to dance practices, from his workout to editing, working for GCF, writing melodies, making music, wants to change something. Anything. Is he ready ? He doesn't know but he has been given this opportunity to experiment. Experiment not being in same repetitive routine.
Routine. Routine. Routine.

"Jungkook-ah look at this."
Taehyung nudges Jungkook's side. "We should visit here and I checked its a perfect place for your next GCF ". He has a smile on his face as he lifts his eyes from his phone to meet Jungkook's. Tilting the screen so he can see it too.
Jungkook knew what was coming.
Taehyung hasn't discussed his plans for vacation but Jungkook knew it will include him. And he would be so happy that he will get to be on a vacation free of cameras, free of restrictions of a single room, with Taehyung. Alone.
But Jungkook is also given only one chance to live his life the way he wants. Like Yugyeom said he could totally use this to get away from the daily grind. With routine comes Taehyung. Taehyung is also a routine that comes with his daily life.
Kissing him behind closed doors, open doors when they are free of their managers in their dorm, eating together, watching shows, taking warm baths together and making each other come in the running water, during most nights of a week, waking up to Taehyung's warm body pressed on his side. It's a routine that Jungkook likes. He just likes routine. He would like a change.

"Which place is it?" He replies to Taehyung's prying gaze.

"Venice. Babe I can just imagine having so much fun there. Alone. I'm sick of cameras and eyes constantly following us. It's perfect just like you said that-"

Jungkook gulps his discomfort visible on his face and Taehyung notices it, ofcourse he does.

"Guk what happened?"
Jungkook doesn't know either. He gulps again. Sitting across Taehyung who has slight worry on his face. He is so pretty-

"Hyung I don't wanna go to Italy."
He finally manages to say it. He can see Taehyung's eyes falling a bit.
"Oh I thought you would like it. We can look into more places. This blog is really nice and informative."

Jungkook wants to say many things but he just hums and leans to kiss Taehyung's full lips. God he just loves kissing him more than anything. He loves letting his lips fit into all of Taehyung's curves. Everything about him screams soft, soft and nice, nice and comfortable. Comfortable and safe.
Safe. Safe. Safe.

XXXXXXX

If Taehyung notices Jungkook's aloofness he doesn't say anything and Jungkook is grateful for that. Currently his mind is either crammed up with thoughts or completely blanked out. Last evening when he had Taehyung in his bed he let himself imagine their trip together. The unspoken words between each touch of the tongues. Dreams of being in free air, wandering while holding hands and kissing each other for moments that will seem like forever in new, foreign lights. Like a daydream, he will capture Taehyung in his film and maybe, maybe he will let the world know their relationship through his eyes, his lens. And he forgets whatever he thought about changes for the night as he falls into a slumber, Taehyung on his side.

When Jungkook wakes up next day Taehyung isn't in his bed. He checks his phone from the side table opens text messages from his 97liner kakaotalk gc :

MINGYU : gguk still sleeping ?

YUG : he prolly is lol

EUNWOO : guys he is finally gotten a break in forever let him sleep

YUG : ugh if I had this break I will definitely get away from this tiring routine

BAM2 : same

MINGYU : bro fuck I will do anything for a whole 2 months break

All Jungkook read is routine and it all comes back into his mind. He got comfortable last night. It's scary to think how he can't even go a single day without involving Taehyung in his life.

' Good morning to you too'

Jungkook texts a quick response. Overwhelmed first thing in the morning is not a nice feeling.
Two days from now they will free. He gets ready for the day as they still have some last minute stuff to go through before the vacation. When he enters the kitchen to make himself a quick breakfast Taehyung is there too, engrossed in his phone .

Jungkook's throat feels dry. Should he ? His shakes his head. No not so early in the morning. So he goes to the counter trying to make himself as unnoticeable as possible and opens the fridge for milk. Questioning his own actions.

"Hi"
Jungkook almost jumps out of his skin at Taehyung's chirpy voice.

"Hi. Umm- did you eat already?"

"No. I was waiting for you" he says as he walks up to counter and reaches for the shelf where the cereals are kept

"You want banana one or honey one?"

"Anything's fine" Jungkook replies. They set their bowls together as Jungkook pours them milk and cereal.

"Everyone except Jiminie left for the building we should hurry up"
Taehyung says but he is still scrolling through his phone
"You shouldn't have waited Tae"

"I wanted to" comes the quick reply. Another unspoken promise of 'I will always be there.'

Talking to Taehyung was never hard for Jungkook. Actually initiating anything with Taehyung was never a task for him. Not even when they both were both teenage strangers. Not when they were crushing hard after eachother, oblivious of each of their mutual pining. Before anything Taehyung was Jungkook's bestfriend. Soul twin. So he doesn't understands when the car ride is filled with silence. If Taehyung isn't saying anything then Jungkook should but words don't come to him, he opts to mindlessly scroll through his phone just like the guy sitting beside him.

Their photoshoot for the ad is just as expected. Good. Filled with retakes. Break for snacks. Restroom breaks. Makeup touchups. Costume changes. Seokjin's contagious laughter. Hoseok and Yoongi teasing eachother. Jimin by Jungkook's side as they try different funny faces for the camera, fooling around. Namjoon is watching something with Taehyung on his phone. Taehyung who hasn't once approached Jungkook the entire time and it's not usual. But neither has Jungkook. He can feel Taehyung's gaze on him but he never returns it to his direction. He tries not to.

They are all tired when they get back to dorms not trying to drown themselves in sleep because they will have plenty of time to do that in next few days so when Namjoon calls everyone for a small meeting, nobody whines. Seokjin orders food and drinks and they are all seated in the couch in living room.

"So everyone, as we know we will be on break starting on 11th that's day after tomorrow I'm asked to let you guys know few stuff umm
We have to vlog our vacation"

The room is instantly filled with Ughs whats Nos

"I know I know but the company thinks we need to give a sneak peak of what we did in the vacation for the armys because they wouldn't have much content and it's kinda personal".

"I guess it's not that bad " says Hoseok.

"Here i thought I will be getting away from cameras "Jimin's body visibly sulks.

"It sucks but let's not think too much and film what you feel like showing. Like we can always just film one or two days no heavy editing and get with it yeah?" Namjoon's trying to make it sounds easy.

"Have you guys planned stuff?" Seokjin asks to everyone.

"Hyung and I are going on fishing trips" Yoongi replies pointing at Seokjin.

"I will be busy with my project" comes Hoseok's reply

"Hyung that's nice you will have plenty to show to armys in the vlog then" Jimin says "I feel like I'm the only one with no plans right now. How about you Tae? You decided on anything?" but he's looking at Jungkook.

Jungkook shifts his eyes towards Taehyung.
He is about to reply when Namjoon interrupts him
"These two have probably planned a trip like this since forever" he says pointing his fingers towards Jungkook and Taehyung. Whatever Taehyung was gonna say he drops it. His eyes on Jungkook with a question in it. Jungkook breaks the eye contact quickly not liking the muted interrogation sent his way.

"Couples are gross" Yoongi says scrunching his nose. And the room is filled with laughter.

They eat alot that evening. As long as Jungkook doesn't look at Taehyung. He feels fine. It's a nice evening. The food is good and conversations easy .

"Okay before we go to sleep let's keep in touch during the vacation. And most importantly let's try to not mess up anything okay especially since we will be left alone we have to be bit more careful yeah?"

A collective chatter of 'you dont have to say it' and 'yeah' fills the air and they slowly disappear to their rooms.

Taehyung almost always visits Jungkook in his room at nights. It's nothing new. But when Taehyung enters his room that night Jungkook body becomes heavy with anticipation. They have to talk and Jungkook has something to say.

"Were you going to sleep?" Taehyung asks as he sits on corner of the bed.

"No."
If Jungkook has something to say he is not quite sure but he is sure Taehyung has something to say but he isn't. Jungkook isn't either.

"Do you want to look at the blog I was reading for umm you know ...the vacation?" Taehyung finally says, the hesitation in his voice thin but it doesn't go unnoticed.

They are looking at eachother. It what it seems but Jungkook is looking at a question he doesn't has answer for. Not now.

"Gukkie?"

"Uh yeah about that Tae I haven't thought about the vacation yet"

Jungkook's lying. Past three days all he has done is think about the vacation, nothing of what he would do but he has been thinking about it and it hasn't been an excited topic for him as it was for others. The more he thought the more he was confused.
Taehyung's features morph from curiousity to something akin to nothing on his face until he starts speaking again

"Oh I understand Guk sorry I got little carried away just yesterday I was talking with Jimin and he recommended me this blog and I got excited because it's a good piece of information like-

"Tae you don't have to be sorry I- its just I haven't let it sink in yet" he says. "Come here" he lightly prods Taehyung's arm to sit beside him. Is this guilt making him feel like this? Guilt? Lying? Taehyung doesn't really ask him anything after that.
They don't do much that night but having Taehyung in his arms after a long day is all Jungkook needs. Taehyung's malleable body against him, legs tangled into eachother is nice. Nice feeling.

Jungkook wakes up to Taehyung pressed on side of his body. Always. His long lashes almost touching his cheeks and the mole on his nose enticing Jungkook to kiss him a good morning. He is so used to watching Taehyung sleep. Reading his face and his features unique to his eyes. Always lingering on lips. Lips that are familiar.
He has to tell Taehyung today. Last day before the vacation starts.

When Taehyung wakes up it's past 10 am and Jungkook has already showered as he sits on the bed reading an article on his phone.

"You smell nice, c'mere" comes Taehyung's muffled voice.

"Good morning your highness. Now would you like your breakfast in bed ?"

Taehyung let's out a giggle at that.

"Yes please my knight in shining armour."
The smile on his face makes Jungkook almost back padal. He makes Taehyung some pancakes and when he goes back to his room Taehyung has already freshen up. He hums a sweet delight after taking the first bite and Jungkook thinks- He can't think. He can't remember what he had to say.

"Is there something on my face?" Taehyung ask him shaking him up from his headspace.

"Yes actually" and Jungkook leans to steal a quick kiss from corner of Taehyung's mouth. Kissing Taehyung is a habit.
Habit. Habit. Habit.

"Ewww that was so cheesy Jeon Jungkook. I didn't know you had it in you." Taehyung is smiling up to him.

Now or never.

"Umm hyung is it okay if" Jungkook isn't so sure anymore, and Taehyung looks intrigued at sudden change of atmosphere around Jungkook "if I make my own plans for the vacation...I mean can we not do the trip-"
Taehyung's face show no reaction at that, he chews on the pancake silently

"Is something wrong?" Is what Taehyung replies, "you know it was your plan to roam around the world together, do you remember?"

Jungkook does. Because even before lovers, are they lovers? they are best friends who often dreamt of traveling the world together. He remembers. Does he now?

"I am really sorry Tae I just- it's gotten alot weird and i don't know how to say this-
Taehyung's face becomes impossibly unreadable .

"Go on Guk. What is it? What's gotten weird?"

Jungkook let's out all of that he wanted to say

"Hyung you know how this works the routine? Im tired of it. The same thing daily. Its gotten weird. I'm not saying I wouldn't like a trip together that would be amazing really but lately my mind is full of stuff. And I feel like I can use this break to change something around me. Like explore myself as me and not BTS, You understand right? I want to break free of the routine. It sounds weird but I could use a change of scene ....from- from all of this."
Jungkook finally let's himself breath properly. He just hopes he worded that perfectly because judging by Taehyung's face he can't say anything.

"Why didn't you said so earlier Jungkook ?"

XXXXXXX

'Earlier when I was acting like excited puppy around you and everyone about the vacation, the trip, reading abd asking people for good places, surprises and plans' is what Taehyung doesn't mentions.
Jungkook wants to use this vacation to explore himself there's nothing wrong with that but what's with this anxiety in his eyes? A routine ? Is Taehyung a routine too? What does he mean by getting away from all of this? What does it mean. All of this? Does it include him too?
He noticed Jungkook being little out of it for last two days. He notices. He always does and if it was about this fucking vacation then how much of a fool Taehyung made out of himself in front of him. Others. When he shared his plans with Namjoon during the shoot, when he kept glancing towards Jungkook who never once returned the gesture. He feels embarrassed for himself.

"Hyung I was so confused. I wanted the trip too. I wanted to be with you the entire time but I think we always got each other's back I think it's time to get ourselves a break don't you agree? I have been a whole mess since the meeting and I kept thinking about us but I also kept thinking about me. When will we ever get this chance again. It's been 10 years I think we both- we all can appreciate it."

Jungkook is confusing him. It's not like Taehyung pressured him into this then why is he acting like he actually did? He could have simply talked about it and it would have been fine but why does it not feel fine? Not atleast to Taehyung. There was no need to fret like this. They are friends before everything aren't they? And why does it feel like Taehyung is reading between lines Jungkook isn't saying?
In a way Taehyung understands Jungkook. They all needed this . But Taehyung is a bit hurt . Why? Because he thought they could use a break, together.

"...and it's not like we don't meet other guys right ? We can meet others. You and I can spend somedays together too like my birthday is there."

His birthday. Taehyung has been over the moon when he found out that they will get to celebrate Jungkook's 22nd birthday free of schedule. It would be special to celebrate it somewhere they are free and are able to do whatever they wanted. Was Taehyung the only one with these expectations?
Taehyung is having a hard time trying to find words.

"It's alright Jungkook. I wish you had told me this earlier. And it's nice that you want the time to explore yourself. It's a nice idea actually. Maybe I will do the same".
He looks up at Jungkook whose face looks relieved after hearing him. And it doesn't makes Taehyung feel nice. Nor does the words that comes after that:

"Hyung I need this. Y-you need this too."

That's the last of Jungkook Taehyung heard. He left the room after their conversation, cold pancakes soggy on his plate and looking every bit inedible. The sweet taste replaced by Jungkook's words sitting on his tongue like coarse sand.

He needs this too? Taehyung's angry at those foul words. Was Taehyung right? Jungkook really needed that break from everything? Including him?
Taehyung realizes that he is part of the routine as well.
Jungkook likes routine. Jungkook also started liking change.

He didn't give Jungkook any chance to say goodbye before he left the dorm.
It's been a week since their vacation started. And Taehyung had a hard time trying to let go of the (one sided ) plans he made. All the energy and thoughts he put into their time together turned out be nothing but his failed imagination. He is currently visiting his home. A week for parents and family and rest of time travelling the world together. That's what Jungkook has said when he proposed the idea of travelling. It was Jungkook-
Taehyung stops himself from completing the train of thought. This is not it. If everyones doing their own thing Taehyung can too. He has his own friends. He can always join Jimin or Seokjin or anyone else and he can always take that trip by himself.
No.

After much thinking and no thinking at all he decides to take it easy. He will have a nice time just like everyone else. That one text from Jungkook sitting on his phone heavy in his hand

Gukkie : have a nice time :heart:

Taehyung doesn't reply.

XXXXXXX

The first thing Jungkook does is try to avoid the hollowness in his life. The absence of routine is strong. First few days he was excited. He didn't have to wakeup up on time. Didn't have to worry about hurried showers, sleep, caked makeup, studio lights, closed vans and cameras. He didn't had to be conscious of time. He spent those days at his parents at leisure of home cooked food and ggureum.
And his body is thankful for it.
First few days.
He is back in Seoul now. And that's when it hits him hard. The absence. Not just the things that annoy him but the members. And Taehyung. And absence of any sort of contact from him. Absence of reply for the text he sent few days back. After giving it much thought, he finds himself at the tattoo parlour Yugyeom had gotten his from. He has known the tattoo artist since his friend gotten it and since then Jungkook always wanted to come back. The said friend seated in his car chatting languidly and whining how Jungkook gets two months of break and he only has today.
He has always wanted tattoos. His tattoos are his idea and his vision. His want and his need. And he even got permission from the company. He understands tattoos are like taboo in Korea but his fans have always been supporting of him. And things need to change right? Tattoos are another form of art and it shouldn't be considered anything less.
They are welcomed by the shop who promised a fully private session and Jungkook is happy that they will be left unbothered and get his tattoos done faster.
He has even discussed his tattoos with the artist he knew since before. A girl who seemed chill and really cool with her art and drawings. She even encouraged Jungkook to make his own sketches seeing he can draw really well. They have been keeping in touch with each other. She is the one attending him today in the interior that's not too shabby. He is kinda nervous as his skin gets prepped for the process.

First prick of the needle is painful rest is beautiful.

He has successfully tatted his knuckles and back of the palm with initials of the members and then ARMY. Yugyeom said his idea was really good. Incorporating the letters ARMY together with members name although he also said he didn't expect he will get his fans name tatted on his hand. Jungkook can try to explain but he can't. His fans are an essential part of his life. Words fail him. He looks at his throbbing hand, crown on his first finger, an emoji on second, army logo at the very end.
A pretty purple heart under /\
His first ever real ink art and it look absolutely beautiful on span of his skin.
And he has more. Way more to do.
So he keeps coming back to the parlour especially when he knows the ink is slowly making him feel like himself. Like Jungkook. A 22 year old guy.

And when the pain subsides? When he stops tracing the red along his freshly wounded forearm, he misses Taehyung. He misses everyone. But he misses Taehyung the most. Almost as much as he misses seeing unscarred, un-inked skin on his arm.
He made two very important decisions in last few weeks. One of which he regrets. One he doesn't. And Jungkook stops thinking about him. He tries to.

He keeps in touch with everyone except him. Jimin has been constantly on foot. One country to other. Same with Namjoon. Yoongi and Seokjin living their best lives while going on fishing trips and Hoseok was busy with his solo project. He itches to know what Taehyung is doing and somehow Jimin knows that. Because he always mentions Taehyung whenever he calls Jungkook, telling him how Taehyung is with his wooga squad going on small picnics and trips with family and friends, how he's keeping in touch with everyone.
Everyone but him.

Its not like they broke up. Then why is Taehyung behaving like that. It's been almost 3 weeks. His calls go unanswered for first few times Jungkook tries and then he doesn't anymore. He doesn't understand this. Doesn't want to.

Breakup? That's a weird word. When they have never asked eachother to be boyfriends?
They never did "hey! be my boyfriend" instead they did awkward "hey you can hug me while sleeping if you want to".
It's only natural for Jungkook to miss Taehyung afterall they used to be together all day and almost all night long. He misses others too. It's nothing different, he just doesn't want to miss Taehyung. So much.
He sleeps after a full dinner his muscles begging to rest after a heavy workout. His skin red with anger because it misses the unmarked skin. Another tattoo.

Next day the redness goes away. The pain never does.
Pain. Pain. Pain.

He went back to Busan for the special day. Its almost midnight. Almost his birthday and his phone chimes a text message from Seokjin

JINNIE HYUNG: Happy Birthday Jaykay.

I wished you first I know it ;-)

And after that the calls and texts keep coming one after another. His birthday. His parents and few relatives come around with a pretty cake to celebrate. His mom's eyes little moist. He lets them dot on him as much as they want until he says he is tired and they should sleep, everyone agrees. Each one of them leaves with hugs and kisses on his forehead and a licks from ggureum who's staying the night beside Jungkook's bed.
He gets calls from most of the members, all of them telling him that they miss him and asking how he is doing, long calls get longer except Jimin and Taehyung. They never called.

Next morning his friends pester him to come back to Seoul so they could go party and properly celebrate his birthday. Honestly he wants to ignore them but Hoseok is back in Seoul too and he was excited to meet Jungkook later in the evening. He sees all the wishes pour in from fans his heart overwhelmed with feelings and love that he sometimes feels undeserving of. Members have posted on twitter and Jimin even made him a video greeting from wherever in the world he was. Love. Overwhelm.
He gets several gifts delivered to his address from his friends and Yoongi sent him an expensive wine bottle apologizing that he couldn't meet him for his day but promised to make it up when they get back.
When they do. Get Back.

Few minutes of scrolling through twitter trying to feel past the hollowness in his chest his phone rings. Hoseok called saying he has arrived outside his apartment.
He isn't ready for it.
He is seeing one of them for the first time in 3 weeks. But he was pleasantly surprised to see not only Hoseok but Jimin too.
They hug eachother. Falling into the comfortable chit chat of what have you been doing. You look like you gained some kilos. Wow your tattoos look real good. Happy birthday Jungkookie our Maknae. Our baby.
He still can't believe Jimin flew back to Seoul to meet him. He is so relieved to have them here. The two of them filling up the emptiness inside him one by one.
They cut a cake with party hats and carnations and flower bouquets and what not. With love. They drink together making Jungkook feel like they have been apart for years and not just few days. It's so easy to cling in to this scene. To Jungkook this is so normal. Almost normal to the point he forgets about Ta-
and Hoseok is out in first three shots. He is now scrolling through Jimin's gallery trying to keep up with Jimin's talk, looking at pictures laughing easy. Easy until he can feel the envy set in him that it's not his phone that's crowded with pictures of different skyscrapers, nature little more vibrant than where he lives, the colourful art painted on walls, the street glistening orange with evening sun, nameless crowd in background that makes the pictures look more interesting than they actually are. That reminded him of his own camera.
Feeling little dejected at his own train of thoughts he goes to his balcony to get fresh air closely followed by Jimin swaying in his feet, tipsy.
They look out of the railings toward multiple buildings, blocks, lights, alot of lights. The cool breeze making Jungkook sober up quickly . Its one of those times his hands are itching to just call him. Or see him. Do something about the urges. The silence is broken of its stupor when Jimin speaks

"He had planned a ten times better birthday than this"

Jungkook doesn't respond.

"What happened Jungkook? Why are you guys not talking to each other? You thought I wouldn't know? Everyone knows.
You guys are friends before anything else right.
And least you could do is talk to him" his tone accusatory always being a step closee to his soulmate than Jungkook himself.

"Hyung you think I didn't try?"

"Then you probably didn't try enough." comes the curt reply.

"I did. He didn't even say goodbye before leaving for fucks sake. And he seemed okay with cancelling the plan too okay. I'm sure he told you why I'm here and not in some other country right now"
His temper is knocking at his doors.

"And you did what Guk..." Jimin's voice is soft almost wet
"told him you wanted a change?" "Ever sit back and thought how does that sound to your ear? To Taehyung?" the wet tremble in the voice making Jungkook feel grounded, almost sinking to the concrete. Is Jimin crying? He doesn't dare to look.

"Hyung, you out of all people should know I didn't mean it like that. I explained him everything. It was hard for me too. but I said we will meet eacho-

"Did you though?"

"HE NEVER ANSWERED MY CALLS"

Saying it out loud was a truth that drops in Jungkook's chest like needles. Not the nice prickly tiny ones.

"Did you ever- " Jimin comes uncomfortably close to him cupping his left cheek into his hand "look at me" Jungkook does and Jimin is crying. Fuck. "Gukkie he was gonna p-propose to you", his skin erupts in goosebumps, "I can't believe I'm really here telling you this, you know how you always said you guys never really labelled the relationship because Taehyung seemed chill with whatever it was, how you complained that it felt like you were always the one too into it? Taehyung was same Guk. He always thought he was too into the feels. But Namjoon hyung told him to not worry so much. He suggested the idea to Taehyung. You always talked about trips with him and everybody knew that and Tae thought that it would be the perfect opportunity-" Jimin suddenly drops his hand from his cheek, tear drops falling down his full cheeks, "...h-he was gonna fucking ask you to be his boyfriend. A proper confession, cheesy shit like that. Today. Jungkook. On your birthday. He would have given you so much better than this. He would have given you what you wanted all along."
The chills never leave Jungkook's body. But Jimin does as he stands alone, ince again. Feeling too small too vulnerable in the cold night. Suddenly Seoul seems so big, Jungkook wishes he never came here.
He stares hard at the lights, his eyes screaming for something, anything and gets no reply from them. A lonely night. Jungkook feels absolutely lonely on his 22nd birthday.

Jimin leaves the first thing in the morning because he is flying again with quick text that read

JIMINIE : I'm sorry for ruining your birthday Guk. I truly am and pls don't tell Taehyung he will kill me. Not kidding.

Don't.

I will see you soon
Take care.

Minutes later he sees Jimin's post with a picture of birthday celebration last night. #HappyBirthday. Indeed.

Jungkook looks at the drawing he made for his next ink. It's what he does the best. Ignore. Ignore whatever Jimin said because it never makes sense to him. It doesn't makes sense that Jungkook is officially the worst friend ever.

It's a tattoo of his birth flower Tiger lily. A beautiful flower which symbolizes need for love. He is back in the parlour and this time everything hurts. Each puncture feels like a sharp knife on his skin.
Over the shadowy ink of the flower on his forearm it reads 'please love me'. And Jungkook cries.
It was the most intricate one. Intricate and painful, so painful it was unimaginable. Unimaginable and unreal.
Unreal. Unreal. Unreal.

XXXXXXX

Instead of calling Jungkook like he should, to wish him a happy birthday, he dials Jimin's number. It's past 12am no more September 1st and he knows Jimin is at Jungkook's place. His fingers itched so bad all day.
He is met with a what sounds like Jimin crying. Hiccupping? Crying? That alarms Taehyung.
"Hey Chim what happened?"

"Uh-nothing Tae I think something went into my eyes, we have been drinking. How are you doing?"
Fake laugh.
How are you doing today? Today of all days.

"I'm good Chim you alright? Can't you come meet me up too?"

"Sorry Tae I have to fly back tomorrow morning but I will be back soon", pause "...or you can just join me you know?"

Taehyung ignores the last question.
"Thought I was your favourite?" Taehyung tries to not pucker a pout on his lips

"Birthday privileges Tae"

A silence falls over the line until

" Did you really not wish him Tae? You know you should. He is your fr-

"I know Jimin. I wanted to but I was caught up I will make it upto him somehow I promise" I don't.

"I can put him on for you now"

"Thanks Chim but I'm really sleepy I'm sure he might be busy too anyway I can't wait to meet you, you cheater"

"You know I will be gone tomorrow but im always by your side , you know that right Tae?"

" I promise im fine Jimin I was just kidding about you not meeting me. "

"okay then. Sleep well. I will call you tomorrow okay , love you."

"Okay"

Nothing is okay. He tried. Taehyung tried to look past his hurt, tried to text a simple birthday message, hell he even tried to post it on twitter instead but he couldn't. He really tried to not feel abandoned. Three weeks ago. Three weeks later. Today. Yesterday. Tomorrow. He tried. He reasoned with himself, chastised himself for being selfish in his anger and hurt, his disappointment. Much to Taehyung's charging the feeling kept growing into more, something bigger. To Taehyung or to Jimin or to Namjoon, Jungkook's words seemed like 'I need space' yeah that's not too bad. But that changed from slightly upset to slightly hurt more hurt more anger more despair. More memories more of everything. More and more of feeling worthless for having such feelings. Feelings for Jungkook who abandoned him.
He didn't really but Taehyung's mind is a pitless overthinker. How hard was it to text a simple happy birthday. Very. Impossible even.
When he thinks about his chat between him and Namjoon who told him they should concrete the bond between Jungkook and him so nobody has to feel uncertain and then come whining to their hyungs, that was a surprise, it's been like what an year? Year since Jungkook started talking dreamily to Taehyung about world. World and travelling together. Exploring the world and each other. He looked so good and sincere. Taehyung thought people probably speak truth after fucking senseless and riding away the exhilarating, exhausting orgasms. He let himself drown over his words. Travelling nice, trips nice, travelling and trips with Jungkook. Nice.
For last half an year Taehyung wrecked his brain for ideas. After confirmation from Namjoon, he let himself believe that Jungkook shared the same insecurities as him, feeling too much. But now Taehyung will give them what both of them wanted. Security and reassurance of feeling too much but the feeling is mutual. On his birthday.

On his birthday Taehyung didn't even call him. He is upset with Jungkook but he is more upset with himself. The selfish prick.
Selfish. Selfish. Selfish.

For his vlog Taehyung decided on a simple day to day log where he will show Yeontan and him playing together maybe a bit about when his hyungs will be in his apartment later. That sounds doable. The last time he recorded himself on a proper camera was their last ad shoot. Same day he sensed Jungkook's changed demeanor.
Taehyung's crazy monster is back in his stomach.
Ugh. Taehyung will take it easy. Just film Yeontan and edit it as less as possible and send it to the company. Simple.
Taehyung's thankful of his family who stays in Seoul these days and his friends who never leave him alone. Well Taehyung always finds way to feel lonely but that's not what he is gonna think about today. He will try to let go of the pent up frustration and hurt. He will try to enjoy his vacation just like how everyone else seem to.
Especially people getting tattoos.
Pretty tattoos on pretty skin. Everything pretty. Jimin has sent him string of pictures from the birthday night. Pictures where Taehyung can makeout the tattoos. He wants to see it from his own eyes. Jungkook would look so nice. He always wanted those and he finally did them. Art for another art. And they look good really good-
And then why just why does everything has to come back to certain Jeon Jungkook. Why. Wasn't he supposed to record the vlog. Then why. Fuck him. Fuck Park Jimin. He is no longer his best friend.
:Send me more:

CHIM : ಡ ͜ ʖ ಡ no:

As he said fuck Park Jimin and fuck Kim Taehyung as well.
Jimin is away for weeks now. He can't really kill him. Or cry with him.

XXXXXXX

It bleeds. In his dream his flower bleeds daily. But in reality it's there. Black ink, not red.
The redness always goes away. Pain never does.
And since then Jungkook has felt like crying everyday. His tattoo hurts, his skin hurts more.
His eyes burn, his tears burn more.
His chest feels constricted, his heart-

Jungkook feels like yanking his hair out. Why does it hurts so much. Everywhere. It hurts. Each time he inhales it hurts and each time he exhales it hurts more.
Should he call Namjoon? Yoongi? Jimin? No not Jimin. Not his tear streaked face and soothing voice trying to tear Jungkook's heart from his flesh. His words.
He just doesn't knows what to do next. He has ignored calls from his friends for past three days. They don't know, don't need to know. Just trying and trying to stay sober.
His phone rings up at the exact minute. JINNIE HYUNG flashing in big letters. Some sort of fated strings ?

"Hello"
"Jaykay what are you doing? Hyung's here for a bit. Wanna catchup?"
Jungkook is so relieved at that suggestion.
"Sure hyung where are you?"

"I will text you the address. See you in 30."

The address followed after a minute reads a restaurant that's new to him.
It takes Jungkook almost 50 minutes to reach the place, traffic picking at his nerves.
He is parking his car trying to find spot easy enough to retrive and that's when he sees him. He halts his breaks forcefully. Is that him? He can recognize that silhouette anywhere even with his eyes closed. That's him looking as gorgeous as ever though his face is covered by a mask and his head by a cap but getting inside that car is Taehyung. Jungkook freezes no Jungkook wants to shout his name. Call him. Back. But he doesn't. He couldn't. He watches Taehyung. Leave.
He slowly peels his eyes away from the empty spot where the car just left. Empty outside. Empty inside.
He is brought back to his senses when Seokjin calls him asking if he reached the place.
He quickly parks and goes inside, the restaurant is new to Jungkook although he is sure it's safe knowing Seokjin has chosen it. He spots the man in lobby with worry itched on his face. He looks over Jungkook and there's his reassuring smile Jungkook missed watching. His longing is increased when Seokjin engulfs him in his arms. Jungkook welcomes the comfort.

"Yah why are you so late? This was a bad idea I knew it. First Kim Taehyung that dick walks out on me then you come almost 30 minutes late."
A pause. "Say something. Cat got your tongue?"

"Hyung you saw Tae- hyung" he quietly adds.

"Stupid bunch of fucking teenagers, I planned this whole thing so you guys can like suck faces or whatever or shit I don't care but all I get is you guys wasting my time, yah brat you think I have time to play kiss and makeup"
Seokjin's speech is almost funny. He has missed this. Alot. The banter. The scolding. Seokjin's soft eyes.

"Really sorry hyung I will treat you to this meal b- but what happened with Taehyung hyung? And what's with kiss and makeup-"

"Jungkook-ah you know I'm an angel in disguise right. I thought whatever lovers spat you guys had going I will solve this out, all you had to do was come sooner before Tae realized I'm trying to set you guys up but fucking fuck y'all dont-

"Hyung- hyung what ? We are not having a lovers spat. You don't have to do anything for us. I mean-. I'm sorry for causing you trouble"
Seokjin's face softens at that.
"And here I thought you genuinely wanted to meet me" Jungkook puts on his best bambi eyes pouty lips look on his face. Seokjin's a sucker for that.
"I did Gukkie. I just- i had this feeling and I thought it was the perfect opportunity."

"Let's just eat, I'm starving" for all he knows he is anything but hungry right now, no ounce of appetite found its way back to his mouth after watching Taehyung.

"They looked amazing in pictures but it looks so good in real. The tattoos. You finally got yourself what you wanted"

What he wanted.

"Did it hurt alot?"

Did it hurt alot?

He wanted and it hurt alot.

Their lunch is just chatter of this and that. Seokjin talks about his vlogs and how he caught fishes and stuff. That he is writing music these days, inspired by Yoongi. He advices Jungkook to not worry too much and just film whatever he wants. He never mentions Taehyung again.
Until "I will you soon. Take care." And a 'please talk' muttered softly in his ear as they hug for the last time.

Crazy how Jungkook who wanted a bit of change in his life succumbs to yet another routine. Missing. Its been 5 weeks and he misses it. Them. Him. Everything. Fuck this and fuck everything.
He goes back to Yugyeom. Asking him to keep him company. And to Yugyeom it looks like Jungkook is quite tired of the break. Just as tired as he was with his work.

"Dude you gotta chill tf out 'kay"
"Hmmmm" Jungkook drawls.

"I'm serious dude. You only got what? 2 more weeks before you have to go back directly into filming. That's gotta be stressful"

"We will be going to New Zealand." Jungkook feels like he can't listen anymore. Maybe his friend is right. Maybe Jungkook's mind likes to torture itself.

"yeah thats great and all. All the more reason to live up to this free weeks better- man you zoning out on me again. You alright?"

"Im alright Yug. Just thinking." Not thinking at all.

When he leaves Yugyeom's place that night,slightly drunk, he decides it's time to finally film his vlog. According to others he is quite late. Unlike others he didn't go to places. He didn't go fishing. He can't show his tattoos on camera, well atleast not now. He isn't sure if if he will like to publicly explain his tattoos ever but for now he is fine with showing his knuckles. As few people already seen them if the photos circulating on sns is anything to go by.
The next best thing is going on a short trip and make a GCF like video. He doesn't.
Instead he records himself in gym, his workout routine. Hiding his tattoos with long sleeved t- shirt.
When he sets to edit the video footage on his laptop, trying hard to let the video be natural and not like how he usually edits in a very Jungkook-way, he is reminded of words "it's perfect place for your next GCF- no no no Jungkook will not let his mind wander in that direction. That's off limits. He doesn't want to miss.
He seriously needs to stop thinking about him. But he can't stop since he has seen him in the parking lot, Seokjin's soft murmur making him feel more and more agitated. It doesn't hurt to try does it?
That's how Jungkook finds himself perched on his balcony ditching all his plans and his friends for the evening and praying hoping praying to all the gods that Taehyung picks up his call. He waits with a bated breath.
Please. Please. Please.

He doesn't. And that shouldn't break Jungkook like it does. The tattoos on his skin bleeding again but he is not dreaming. Not sleeping. His eyes not closed. It hurts. Taehyung hurts. And Jungkook hurts. With what seems a battle to himself so he doesn't cry again Jungkook let's himself not feel, just feel the air, free and flowing, touching his face, stinging his eyes, really trying its best to draw moisture out from them. Jungkook let's out an irritated huff. Let him live. Please. His cellphone buzzes loudly in his hands making him almost drop it out of the railings.
He comes back to his senses. When he turns the screen towards him to see who is calling him he almost loses it again. Is his eyes tricking him? He squints and shakes his head to get a clearer view. The un-shed tears making it hard to look clearly but Jungkook, Jungkook could never mistake that name.
Ringing loudly on his right palm blinking up at him is 8 letters of
T A E H Y U N G

If there was someone present with him right now he would have asked them to slap him pinch him whatever just whatever but there's no one so Jungkook has to do it himself before he misses the call.
He takes a deep breath but it doesn't help pace his squirming insides at all.
He slides the green up and brings the phone to his ear
Nothing. For first few seconds theres no voice from the other side making Jungkook feel like the call was disconnected. Was he late

"You called?" draws Taehyung's deep voice.

Jungkook's gotten lucky. He is lucky.

"Hello.
Hyung
I- yeah I called. Are you busy rn?"

He can't believe it.

"No I'm free right now. What is it?" asks the voice

"Can we uh can we talk I mean I wanted to talk to you"

He can't believe it.

"We are talking now aren't we?" A laugh

Jungkook feels sheepish why is he so nervous

"How have you been hyung?"

He can't believe it.

"I'm doing good Jungkook. How are you?" Taehyung's voice is so fucking sweet Jungkook wants to forget his nervousness and just make himself sit and curl onto himself, he missed this. He missed his voice. It's like his brain has been given what it wanted like a drug but in large doses. All at once. All in one breath. One shot. Spiking up his blood making his brain feel fuzzy and his mouth a little dry.

"Tae- Taehyung I want us to go to the trip" like we planned.

He can't believe it.

His brain to mouth filter literally went out of the drain. He slaps his hand on his mouth. What the actual fuck Jungkook.
Silence. Please don't, don't just don't go. Jungkook doesn't dare to breathe doesn't has the heart to bring his phone to his eyes to check if it was disconnected for the second time in last five minutes.

"Jungkook what? What are you saying?" there's question in the voice, the tone taken aback.

"Tae- shit I didn't mean that..." oh fuck "...I mean I would like to, not saying I don't want to. I want to. We have one and half weeks left we can- just I'm sor-"

"Jungkook? Are you alright? I don't understand what you are saying exactly but I just left the country yesterday." The voice cuts of Jungkook's rambling.
He is not here. He is out? On a trip?
His blood that was running too warm seconds ago turns icy.

"Oh I didn't knew that hyung. Don't mind me I was just I thought if you'd like to join me and my friends..." lies "... enjoy your trip"

He can't believe it.

The line cuts off after a quick okay see you soon.

He got more than what he asked for.
He will berate himself later for spewing nonsense to Taehyung. Right now he just needs a drink. A strong one. 'The fuck was that' he keeps asking himself.

He can't believe it.

XXXXXXX

"Oh I didn't knew that hyung. Don't mind me I was just I figured you'd like to join me and my friends enjoy your trip."

Okay. See you soon.
And Taehyung ended the call. Not only did he not expect a call from him but then Jungkook started talking weirdly. Trip? Now after 5 weeks of Taehyung trying to forget about the promises, his own dumb expectations and the hurt that he let grow into despair? Now of all times when he decided that he can't do much at home and decided to board the flight to Venice with Hyungshik. He was grateful he had a company. Can't even start imagining staying alone here and let himself get addicted with less of what he has now and more of what he could have had.
He came here so he can get away with constant nagging from Jimin and Seokjin and Yoongi trying to subtly (not so subtly) to set up a meeting between Jungkook and himself. He can't bear watching Jungkook right now and he can't stand watching his hyungs losing their precious time over them. He feels sorry that he came out on Seokjin few days ago. But he was just angry.

The timing fit perfectly. Hyungshik was free and Taehyung could use this to get away from the mess he created for himself.
So here he is now. Not alone but alone in Venice. Standing across a cafe trying not to let the heat get up to him in 12 pm Italian sun, with Hyungshik waiting for their brunch inside.
When he received the call he had an instant verge to shut his cellphone off but he let the ring die on its own. 5 weeks of no contact between them. None. Zero. Taehyung didn't let himself. But Hyungshik has noticed the call and the look of annoyance on his face. He had this questioning gaze on his eyes but he didn't say anything. Instead he flicked his chin towards the exit.

When he dialled the missed call he let himself believe that the sun was too hot and it's nothing else. Definitely not his heartbeat rising up a notch.
Jungkook's voice ...his voice alone was enough for Taehyung to run back to the cafe and cool himself in the air-conditioning. Cut the call. But Taehyung's anything but a coward. Okay he admits he didn't attend Jungkook's call earlier and the weeks back either. Okay. But here he is with Jungkook on other side of the line. And he is talking about trip.
Taehyung roots his feet to stay where they are. Do not run he says. Do not snap. He keeps telling himself.
He needs this. And Jungkook does too. The distance as he said. And it's nothing special Taehyung keeps repeating. It was trip between friends and maybe Jungkook taken some pity on him, maybe he remembered all of Taehyung's nervous but excited antics right before the vacation started, when he kept talking about places to Jungkook who obviously didn't want to hear about it. Taehyung is a fool. Pitiful. Good thing he ditched Korea and is far away from the said subject who makes Taehyung question everything. Even the most truthful words he let the man speak all seemed like a lie to make Taehyung fall harder. Taehyung. A fool. He let himself fall not expecting that there will be no one to catch him.
Get a grip he tells himself.
The heat is getting under his skin. He enter sthe cafe again. The cool air and his friend giving him the distraction he wanted.
For now he will let the new city curb his heart and he will forget everything about back home. He has to go back, sure.
Things can wait.
That's how Taehyung spends all of his stay at Venice. A full week in city built on water. Like a dream. No cars no street not really only bridges and canals and intimate restaurants. Architecture reminding him of a mix of Renaissance the Byzantine the Baroque culture, coming together to make it as romantic as it sounds in its characters. The bohemian city has unusual spots and even more unusual names. Very dream like indeed. The art calling for Taehyung to grab his film and his camera. Venice's authenticity is a welcome guest in Taehyung's busy boring life.
Changes. Taehyung concludes.

His return to Korea is uneventful. He has 4 four more day before their break ends and he has decided to stay home with his parents. Maybe do some last minute shopping with them. Just let the loss of Venice air sink in. Let it be replaced by Seoul's polluted one.

He has woken up to constant buzz of his cellphone beside his head. His lockscreen filled with multiple notifications. He opens the one from his manager .
MANAGER 2 : stay away from sns. Call me or Namjoon as soon as you see this.

That's seemed urgent. Before he lets the panic in his chest rise he dials Namjoon.

"Hyung what's going on- yes w-what cctv what? Okay please do. I will yes. Don't worry. I'm oka- hyung take care please. Don't overthink it. Yes please. Call me as soon as possible yeah-" and the line goes dead.
His heart is almost in his mouth. He quickly opens his kakaotalk where he was sent some pictures by Namjoon. And it seems like Jungkook? And a girl? Jungkook's arms around a girl. Jungkook's arms around a girl caught in cctv footage. A leaked cctv footage now circulating all over the media. Jungkook and his girlfriend it says.
He reads next string of messages
JOON HYUNG: tae you know how this works right ?
Company's trying to get hold of the tattoo parlour owner.
It would be nice if you didn't look up to sns .

They write nasty things.
I will get back with you and others soon.

Okay...

Okay? Not okay. No. A dating scandal from BTS. Jungkook? Taehyung knows better but his mind is crazy. Did Jungkook?
.
.
.
Did Jungkook really abandon him in the name of change?
Will Jungkook do that?
Did he really change? How can someone change so much in in span of 8 weeks or was it that Taehyung never knew Jungkook?
Horrified at the way his thoughts seems to go, berserk. Taehyung slaps himself. Once. Twice. Get a grip Taehyung. This is not the time.
Jungkook's your friend he is your bandmate. The first thing you should do is checkup on him not sit in the bed having weird thoughts. Disgusting.

XXXXXXX

Jungkook is not ready to go back. Not quite. Jimin has called him that he had just landed back and that he is too tired to face cameras the very next day. Jungkook's skin itches with curiousity. He will have to see Taehyung again. No he will finally get to see Taehyung again. Whatever happened in last 10 days were a like a blurr he can't care to elaborate on. All Jungkook did last two months is watch his life turn upside down and it was Jungkook's doing. He rubs at his knuckles, his ink constant reminder of the very fact, of the journey.
Just one more day. One more day of missing Taehyung so much that it physically hurt his chest.

One more day and as if the universe wasn't quite done playing with him and a day is enough. To make things out of control once again. He asked for changes.
His life changed but for worse.

His manager knocked at his door after telling him he is going to come over. Frantic.
Letting him know that some photos from cctv footage of him at the tattoo parlor has been leaked. And more photos of him with his friends out on a lunch date.
There's one photo a blurry one.
His arms half encircling his friend. The tattoo artist.
Funny how a single photo causes so much chaos inside him, outside him.
His reaction at first is what's the big deal until he sees the look on his manager's face. A dating scandal on brewing.
How is Jungkook supposed to take the responsibility if that's not even remotely true?
All he has done is get tattoos and spend time with his friends.
And that's all manager had to listen to before he contacts the company letting the real thing to be known. The entire day passes on a worry of unknown. Namjoon calls Jimin calls, all of them telling him it's going to be alright. He was adviced to not be on social media and it's would be nice if he kept the whole thing to himself for now.

Following headlines read :

"Member of famous group BTS Jeon Jungkook caught on cam with alleged girlfriend"
He hadn't heed to his manager's advice
And the comments under the articles were ugly.
He let those words touch him shake him make him feel guilty of the mistake he didn't commit.
He doesn't knows how to handle this how to feel. He felt helpless.
That's all he has felt. The entire time. And tomorrow he has to be with the crew...in their dorm with the members filming for the first day of new season of Bon Voyage. The thought keeps coming back to him every next minute. The words keep coming back too. Making him feel miserable. More and more.
What have I done? The comments making his gut twist in ways it's probably not possible.

When Taehyung calls him Jungkook doesn't have the energy to act like a nervous bunch like he would instead he quietly accepts the call and let his mind wander away from his vile thoughts for a bit.

"Hello Jungkook?" the voice heavy with worry.

"Hello"

"You alright?" the voice heavy with worry.

"Yeah I am-
......not"

"Gukkie" Taehyung's voice almost whiny "....we are here with you. Please don't let the situation get a hold on yourself and please don't go reading the articles and comments. We are here. I'm here and we are gonna take care of this together. Okay

...Jungkook please say something" voice heavy with worry.

"Hyung I'm sorry... I promise it's not what it seems like..."

"Baby I know I know. Please just do what the manager said. It's going to be fine. It will go down soon" a lie.
....do- do you want me to come over your place? If that's alright?"

Does Jungkook deserves this kindness? No, he thinks.

But 'Yes, please' he says.

He forgets his manager is still there in the living room. But he wasn't specifically asked to not let the members not visit him today. He won't mind right? Is this another mistake? Is he keep going to cause trouble for the company to keep wiping out the mess he creates ?

But the manager seems to not mind when Taehyung knocks on his door. It seems like he already talked to the manager before coming over letting himself known that it was alright.
He lets his eyes wander over Taehyung's face when he removes his mask. It feels like ages and if Jungkook was in his right mind he would have kissed Taehyung right then and there, pressed against the door frame letting him know how much he missed Taehyung. His face. Body. Taehyung. He would say everything without once removing his mouth from his.
But Jungkook isn't in his right mind and neither is the situation.
When he catches Taehyung coming over to the couch, he allows himself to feel jittery. Like he should if it wasn't this situation. He watches Taehyung talking to the manager. He nods his mouth going O his eyebrows bunched up in middle his nervous hand trying to placate itself by brushing his hair and then bowing to excuse himself.
Jungkook watches the exchange without blinking.

He lets Taehyung come over to him, lets him take his hand and urge him to stand-up. He lets him guide towards his bedroom. He lets Taehyung do whatever he wants without registering the fact that he is now sitting on his bed. Taehyung right by his side.
Always.
His deep voice shaking him off his reverie-

"Are you alright?" He asks

"No" let's be honest.

"Come here" he says as he lets his body face Jungkook's own. Hugging him from this position should not be comfortable but it is. He lets Taehyung engulf him in his arms. Jungkook body having its own mind decides to make itself face Taehyung so it can be hugged better and when Taehyung's arms encircle him fully when he lets his body pressed against that familiar woody scent, the warmth, Jungkook looses it. He really does. Things that he has been holding all day long come crushing into his hands which have now bunched up in Taehyung's shirt on his back. Tightly. He has Taehyung right here in his arms making him feel better than he did all these weeks combined. His tattoos not looking as red as it used to be.
He lets Taehyung nuzzle the crook of his neck. In turn Taehyung let's him soak his shoulders in tears. He didn't realize he was crying. His body shaking with quiet sobs and Taehyung's voice shushing at him continuosly, raking his palm over his back.
An eternity passes between them no words were spoken and Jungkook remembers feeling dizzy and tired his forehead resting on Taehyung's shoulder.
He remembers Taehyung's presence around him until he no longer can feel it. He is tired. Let's be honest.
Tired. Tired. Tired.

It's 7 am when his manager wakes him up asking him to pack his bags and then they gotta leave for their dorms for more packing before the cameras starts rolling.
He almost forgot it's supposed to be day 1 of BV.
He doesn't feel any better. Actually it's worse because now not only does he has to face the camera but everyone else and pretend to be okay. Put that nothing bad happened act for the camera. When everything's bad.
He didn't wake up to Taehyung, that's bad too.

Have a nice time :heart:

TAEHYUNG : I had to go back for packing.

Please don't think too much.
I will see you soon.

So Jungkook hasn't dreamt of Taehyung coming to meet him last night. The hug was real. It was all real and not just a figment of his imagination. Last night's event come to him like some blurry pictures slowly transforming itself into his vivid imagination where he didn't cry and Taehyung hasn't come to meet him because things were fucked up for them but because he wanted to like Jungkook wanted him to. Like Jungkook wanted to kiss him. Kiss him until he forgets his own name. Until his lungs burn with lack of oxygen, begging for him to stop but Jungkook wouldn't stop. No not when it's all he wanted to do to. Kiss him until they forget everything including Jungkook's stupid decision.
He gets ready for the day with that thought popping everytime Jungkook looks at his bed. When did he leave?
Whatever excitement Jungkook had a day ago, getting to meet the members exchange their vacation experiences letting them see and touch his tattoos planning for New Zealand, all left him. He will be a subject of prying eyes questioning glares some even painfully curious and judging. He is not ready.
But BTS is not his family if they weren't there to support him. Atleast those 6 people don't judge him don't question him about the recent events instead they make Jungkook feel at ease. A bit. All of them trying to act as normal as possible. The living room littered with multiple bags and open suitcases. The cameras will start rolling anytime now.
And Jungkook has to gulp down this uncomfortable feeling and start putting on a show for the world to see. Everything's fine when nothing actually is.
He hasn't really paid attention to Taehyung. Constant reminder of the reality around him. All of them are suddenly put back together into his life and there's Taehyung who hasn't looked his way atleast not the ones Jungkook hasn't noticed. Not that Jungkook has been noticing. Afterall all he has left right now is his act and no words.
He knows he has alot of stuff to say but not now. Deja Vu much?

He tries to engage in conversations tries to act normal without seeming like he was forced to act. And just like that he also had to talk everyone including Taehyung. Maybe no-one noticed but Taehyung has ignored him. His pathetic excuse of trying to engage him in conversation or getting a reply from him. He hopes his face doesn't shows the sudden onset of jittery nerves of his body. Hopes for a reply. And so much more.
Hope. Hope. Hope.

XXXXXXX

Taehyung is aware. He is aware of the cameras and aware of Jungkook. Last night he went to meet him in a fit of worry not letting his previous thoughts hinder him from being a friend. To Jungkook.
God Taehyung hates himself for being selfish hates himself for the feeling in his stomach like jealousy and want and want and need. When he looked at Jungkook he looked broken and that's all what Taehyung needed to get back on track. What he came for. He came here to check up on him. It's important he knows everyone knows Jungkook gets affected by words the most and if Taehyung had allowed himself to check sns he saw the ugly comments on articles reporting the "scandal".
He came to check up on him and not to check up on how Jungkook's eyes didn't go big like they usually do or when he approached him he didn't do anything. Not until Taehyung spoke to him sitting side by side.
He doesn't wanna admit but he missed this. He missed having Jungkook in his arms. But with that realization came his hesitations. What is he supposed to say. Instead he lets Jungkook cry on him.

He left around 2 in the morning making sure Jungkook was sleeping and not before raking his eyes up his face, the longer hair, his nose, lips. His lips. Not before he steals a glance at his right arm. Ink peeping out of his sleeve. Hating the length of it.

This right here his thoughts crazy strings tugging at his nerves constantly, this is why he avoids talking to Jungkook the whole time. It's the last thing he should do but if he allowed himself even the tiniest of hope it will all come tumbling down on him like a broken wall of bricks. It will be accompanied by his anger his hurt his disappointment his frustration his need for a closure and clarification, excuses or anything that will make him feel... well not like this. Abandoned. Alone.
So Taehyung tries his hardest to avoid Jungkook.
And to his surprise it's not as hard as he thought because they had to film constantly and board the flight the same day, their first public attendance in 8 weeks that's gotta keep Taehyung busy. The bus ride is filled with a little interview of what they did and them acting like they didn't already knew what others did.
The airport is crowded with people less of passengers more of fans and paparazzi. Welcome back to your world Taehyung notes.
There's some issues with Seokjin's passport which the company had missed to cross check given how busy they were with everything so he had to board another flight alone with his own crew. All of this keeps Taehyung and everyone else occupied. His mind still not being able to register that Bon Voyage has already started. Well until they set foot in Christchurch and from there they get to Britz to rent some cars some of which they will have to drive themselves like the white campervan and the red SUV.

"We just go straight until we reach the destination" he says not looking at Jungkook but at the GPS on his phone .

"Okay! That's a relief " comes from the driver aka Jungkook. Together with Hoseok Jimin and Jungkook taking up the campervan, the other duo taking selfies and pictures from the backseat. Meanwhile the remaining members travel through SUV and quite frankly Taehyung would have preferred to be in the other car and not sitting beside Jungkook pretending to be excited.

"I'm finally getting used to this" the voice continues as they reach the parking area for lunch at some restaurant.

"... that was as smooth as smoothie"

"Park it here " comes Hoseok's reply to Jungkook who helps him park the van in the slot and Taehyung wonders if he is imagining it but he hopes nobody notices how hard Jungkook's trying to sound normal.

He feels a bit better after getting off the van and goes directly to the car which just arrived. They all complain about being thirsty and hungry as they enter a restaurant. Around this time Taehyung decides that he has been too quiet for the cameras. So he quickly jumps into the ongoing discussion about what to order from the menu and hopes that this could cover his body being guarded off by directly beside Jungkook for the second time in the entire process.

"Okay okay then it settled. One carbonara, two fish and chips two Korean fried chicken and tow orders for steak. Thats perfect, it makes 7 orders" he summarizes the orders.

"A chicken salad" adds Namjoon.

The food is nice and he was angry. They all were judging by how they collectively whine when Hoseok stops them from eating before taking pictures of the food on the table. The table is filled with light chatter, a carbonara-largebolala joke and Jungkook dropping his meat into his glass. Taehyung doesn't even notice it until everyone on the table is laughing and he lets out a quite giggle too, a genuine one this time.

"Raise your hand if you feel like something is missing" Jimin asks the table.

"Isn't it enough" comes Hoseok reply.

"I feel completely stuffed" Jungkook comments.

"You can order more if you feel like it" Yoongi ever the reasonable one.

"Do you want to share it with me. I eat like pig these days anyway" Taehyung says and they end up ordering more servings.

"Jungkook-sshi let's switch up our seats" Jimin says as he gets up from his seat so they can share the plate together.

"But I'm eating too" comes Jungkook's reply when he had just said that he feels stuffed. In any other context Taehyung would have found it funny how he refused to switch the seats but right now it only makes Taehyung a little annoyed, if you will, because not only does that cause the others to notice the obvious panic in Jungkook's voice but Taehyung is sure by now even fans could make it if they tried. He hopes the footage is edited out. Along with him trying not look at the uncovered tattoed knuckles beside him.

"You are?" Jimin replies just as confused as anyone who witnessed the whole thing as he downs himself back on his chair "... We thought you were full so we ordered only two" the teasing remark, obvious.

"But I never said I wasn't going to eat." So fucking obvious.

"You should have told us. Tell us next time" comes Taehyung reply not even looking at him and just digging into the new plate of food.

The weather it seems was much colder than they expected which then takes them to the shopping mall around the area hunting for a warmer jackets and clothes.
When they reach their accomodations later in the evening. He can't help but feel relaxed for the first time as he hopes the cameras won't follow him to his bed. It's almost reaching midnight on verge of falling asleep when he gets a call from Jimin who asks him to meet in the living room.
He finds Jimin already sitting in the couch scrolling through his phone. Taehyung quietly pads across the living area joining Jimin.

"Did I disturb you Tae? And thanks for coming."

"I was about to sleep this better be something important Jimin"

"Oh it is" he reaches his hand to Taehyung making him sit alongside him. "Look at this..." Jimin hands his phone. A headline reads:

"They are just close friends, BigHit denies the rumours of dating scandal of Jungkook"
Following group's extended break, the said member was reportedly seen with a girl alleged to be his girlfriend but the company officially denies all the rumours and says "we respect our artists' privacy and we wish people could do the same". After the fans......

Taehyung stops reading further, a questioning glance directed towards the owner of phone.

"Jimin...."

"Tae I know but this is not why I asked for you. You need to talk to him. You think we wouldn't notice? Or the fans? You know They notice everything."

...

"This news right here is huge relief for all of us. To Jungkook to the company, the group our fans, you"

"Jimin can you get to the point please"

"I know you Tae. You are my closest friend. I know you had your doubts we all had but I can understand how different it would have been for you. The whole thing. No don't talk just listen okay. I agree Gguk fucked up with whatever shit he pulled before the vacation but you guys need to talk and Jungkook's trying and you are not giving him the chance. I'm sure he has realized his mistake"

"I don't know how to feel Jimin, I'm on edge all the time for some reason. I let myself feel things that aren't real. But I can't get past it" Taehyung's is trying to process this conversation and it doesn't comes easy. Not as easy as Jimin finds his way to scoot closer to him, making him feel braver than he usually would be.

"This is not the first time the group is facing an issue, but I'm not sure if we will be able to help you guys out because it's not our business but you know one step at a time right? You are allowed to feel the hurt Tae it's valid but this will keep growing into big and bigger if you wouldn't let yourself get over it. Talk to him? Please?"

"You are right. I- I will talk to him. Try to behave normal as much as I can. I don't wanna ruin this show for us"

"No Tae. You gotta do it for you guys and for you and you only. Where's the friendship?
It pains me to see you hurt. And he is hurt too"

Taehyung thinks, is it that easy? Talking to Jungkook, looking past his own grudges. Can he do that now? He nods

"And stop staring at his tats it's so obvious" Jimin laughs

"Shut up I haven't even looked once"

"Sure. Keep telling yourself that."

XXXXXXX

It was stressful. Trying to fool his crew it was stressful. When Jungkook finally gets the news from his manager in a quick call that the company has officially released a statement of denying any dating rumours, that he should enjoy his trip and not worry about fans, he feels like a weight has been lifted off his chest.

"I hope you are relaxed now Guk" Hoseok says as he lets the light from his phone die down.

Jungkook doesn't reply. But he lets the dinner they had earlier make him feel almost content. Finally.
The cute dogs the nice cutlery nice food snacks and his group's chatter lulling him to sleep.

Not before letting an image of Taehyung pasted on back of his eyelids make him curl into a ball. Cold.

He wakes up with a fresh start in the morning quite early than anyone else not even the camera crew who was supposed to follow their each move. Perfect. He needed a time off. To think about last week last night. To let everything sink in. And what better than to let the foot deep snow, snow covered trail that led to a far far mountain enticing Jungkook a promise of solitude. He jogs up to the mountain letting the cold but fresh but cold breeze steal away the sleep from his eyes and the tension from his body. The feeling is so welcoming Jungkook almost sinks to the floor and let himself soaked upto his core. The trail to the mountain seems alot longer than he expected and he is sure the crew would start looking for him as he came here without informing anyone. When he stops at the footing he touches the snow, melting at the slightest of heat in his palm. Cold. It reminds him of Taehyung. And he wants to go back. Back in time 2 months ago. He misses him and Taehyung's right there but he misses him. Soon enough he can feel his phone vibrate asking him of where he is so they can accompany him back.
Relieved yet not quite there.

When he spots the camera man from afar he feels slightly apologetic for making the man walk so early in the morning. He picks up a snow boulder and walks to meet the camera letting people know he came here to visit the snow because it's been a while.
What he doesn't expect it Taehyung in the front yard of the house looking at him with worry itched in his face as he gets a closer look. Worry that slowly melts into nothing and the snow is slipping from his hand.

"Are you alright?"

"What?"

"Are you alright" Taehyung repeats.

"Yes"

"What did you bring?"

"Snow"

"Did you go up there?" He asks pointing towards the mountain.

"I didn't get all the way to where I wanted to go"

"Did you make that yourself..." a smile in his words "...or just break off a piece?"

"I broke it off"

"Really" the smile is a laugh now.
....that's so cool"

Jungkook laughs and puts the snow on the bench. Taehyung is smiling laughing almost as he walks beside him and whips out his phone to take pictures of the snow. Jungkook is confused but he isn't complaining. Taehyung's smiling he is smiling. The snow is melting and so is Jungkook's insides. Almost like a skit they often do together.
"See if I can break it by my palm" he says.
Smack!
A familiar laughter is filled up in the air, air not so cold anymore.
The heat makes a way upto his cheeks he quickly leaves to freshen up for the day.

"Jungkook tell us about your hair?" Jin asks him at the table they gathered for breakfast.

"This is I don't know I just..."

"Who did it for you?"

"I did it myself" he put his hair in two tiny pigtails because it was getting in his way as it's longer now.

"Can you show it to the camera?"

"Isn't he cute" and Jungkook is little startled cause Jin has directed that towards Taehyung sitting on the corner of the table.

"Aren't I pretty?" He says cheekily to not let them pickup on his sudden nervousness.

"Jungkook used to be so cute" still looking at Taehyung.

"What? He is still cute" chips in Hoseok.

"What did you say?"

"He is cute. All right." And suddenly Jungkook doesn't regrets putting his hair in pigtails because of his words. Taehyung hasn't once stopped looking at him.
Or does he? Because something changed overnight. Taehyung isn't avoiding him as harshly and obviously as he did last day.
His day keeps getting better and better as he can see Taehyung relaxing to him more and more. When he asks Jungkook to click pictures of him, when they shoot tiktok videos for cns promotion with Hoseok. When he dances in the cold weather, sings in the cold weather, giggling in the cold weather grinning at him. Being himself around Jungkook in the cold weather. Not so cold weather.
His days are filled with energy melting into exhaustion each night.
And when Taehyung's weight dips into his bed, making it crack a bit. When Taehyung touches his face slowly, making it crack a bit. When he lets out a soft 'Jungkook I missed you', making it crack a bit. When he finally, finally kisses Jungkook's lips. Jungkook lips on Taehyung. Taehyung's lips on Jungkook, a delicious tingle runs down his entire body. He misses Taehyung and his body misses him even more.
And then he wakes up the following morning, making it crack a bit.