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Voices…muffled…
Be quiet…please…it’s too noisy. You’re being too noisy.
Donghyuck raised his arms to cover his ears, brows furrowed as his temples throbbed in a steady pulsating rhythm. It took him two seconds to realize the act had been unsuccessful, his limbs heavy like lead where they awkwardly outstretched to his right side.
“He’s conscious!” Someone had yelled to close to his ears, making him wince. “He’s responding!”
Responding?
As if his mind was a rubber band released after being pulled taunt, the memories came swarming back, almost making him black out from the intensity. There had been a knock, hadn’t there? Someone…Taeyong…had run up to the door and peeked through the hole to see who it was only to have the door slammed open, knocking him against the wall.
The rest was a murky mess.
He remembered the shine of blades and screams of familiar voices. He remembered gunshots going off as if their dorm was a battlefield. For minutes that seemed like seconds, it was. Donghyuck remembered the hand that belonged to Johnny desperately grasp his wrist before pushing him to the closet in an attempt to hide him.
It had failed.
Noise. Screaming. Noise. Hands wrapping around his waist. Noise. Screaming. Noise. Pulled apart. Noise. A flash of blade. Noise. Tears salty on his tongue. Noise. Something flashing. Noise. Pain-
Donghyuck screamed as the last of his post-concussion daze left his mind, leaving him curled up as agony ripped through his abdomen. Pain. Something…no…someone was pulling his hands away from clutching at his stomach. His back arched but his waist was pushed down. Something twisted in his gut and Donghyuck let out a strained gurgle before choking out bile that had risen in his throat.
“How long has it been in there?”
“That’s not the point! There’s multiple stab wounds already. He’s losing too much blood!”
…Stab…blood?...
“How are the rest of them?!”
The rest of them…the other members…his hyungs…
The last time he had had been clear minded enough to comprehend the chaos that had happened moments ago, he had seen Yuta fall to the ground after. He had seen Jaehyun attempt to tackle one of the men as Mark phoned the police. He had seen Taeyong collapsed by the door, a red spot on the wall that streaked downwards to where his head was leaned.
Donghyuck forced open his eyes, his vision swimming in front of him. Splodges of colour were the only things he could make out behind the blurriness. “H…hyung”
A hand pushed his damp strands of hair away from his eyes, a smudge of brown making its way into his vision. “Hey, kiddo…your hyung’s are under good hands. Let’s focus on you, yeah?”
His vision cleared as he blinked away the tears that had formed in his eyes, enabling him to see the faces of the paramedics bent over his body. The back of his clothes felt damp, and his fingers were sticky from where they uselessly lay
He recognised the room he was in, his and Johnny’s shared room. Johnny…where was Johnny? There had been a blade and a familiar voice screaming and yelling and-
“Hey, hey…calm down, kid. You’re safe…they’re safe –“
A tsunami of agony wrecked his nerves from where pressure had been applied at his cut up torso. Once again, hands pressed against his waist and shoulders, securing his position as he longed to curl in on himself, away from the pain. He couldn’t bear to look down at the sharp object impaling his abdomen. The world was spinning, suddenly not making any sense as he fought for breath between panicked gasps of pain.
“HE’S LOSING BLOOD! HIS OXYGEN LEVELS ARE GOING DOWN!”
“Come on, kid! Keep your eyes open!”
Donghyuck wanted to laugh, to tell them he’d rather be sent to dreamland than endure their ministrations. The lights had gotten brighter, turning his vision white as if the sun had embraced the world. Surrounded by warmth of his own lifeline bleeding out and a daze as his brain refused to function, Donghyuck let himself fall asleep.
-
“Open your eyes, Hyuckie”
The voice was familiar. Soft and gentle, as if wrapped in cotton. Donghyuck pried his eyelids open and sat up, shaking his daze away. The world around him cleared, giving him a clear view of what seemed to be a field of long grass that swayed with the gentle breeze. A hand settled on his own, and Donghyuck turned his head to see Doyoung smiling at him with his beautiful gummy smile.
“Where are we, hyung?” came the question which Doyoung was clearly waiting for. The elder boy, however, simply shrugged and shaded his eyes from the warm sunlight that pressed against their skin. “Are we in dead, then? I mean…I’d think Heaven would be rather crammed and this place looks so empty –“
“Perhaps it’s a dream,” Doyoung interrupted, sending Donghyuck a knowing glance. “We lose our sense of reality when we dream.”
“But it happened, didn’t it? Someone broke into our dorm and-“
Donghyuck broke off, suddenly remembering the faces of the others that he left behind. His family…the ones he had longed to meet and should have within the span of a week. Had he said his apologies to them, yet? The Dreamies he had grown up with…would they take the news well? Would they disband right when their career had blossomed?
“Life is a fragile thing, Hyuck,” Doyoung spoke with a faraway look. His hand rose to brush against his neck, slender fingers pressing at his pulse. “But it’s precious.”
With a grunt, Doyoung pushed himself to his feet before helping Donghyuck up. The moment their hands met, the world around them shifted. The Sun was now blaring white lights, the earth tiled floors that were cold under his bare feet. The scent of morning dew was replaced by antiseptic and hand sanitizer.
Donghyuck followed Doyoung’s gaze, and his breath hitched.
There he was. Himself, Lee Donghyuck, under a baby blue sheet wrapped in bandages. Wires and tubes connected him to beeping devices and an IV. Around his hospital bed, the dreamies had gathered and slept by his side. Jaemin was holding his right hand, head on the mattress in a position that would guarantee a neck ache. Jeno was pressed against his back, nose buried in Jaemin’s nape.
On a sofa, Renjun cuddled Chenle and Jisung who were fitful in their sleep. Upon further inspection, Renjun was not asleep, instead heavy lidded and watching Donghyuck with deep sadness.
“I’m…not dead yet, am I?” Donghyuck asked, turning to look at Doyoung who nodded sadly. The creak of the wards door made them glance back as a very familiar face walked in, his arm cemented and cheek plastered.
“You’re going to tire yourselves out,” Taeil spoke gently, although his whole demeanour spoke otherwise. His eyes were tired, haunted as he came near to pry Jisung away from Renjun. Renjun offered a grim smile.
“Nana’s been scared that Hyuck would go without anyone by his side.”
Renjun had never sounded so frail and vulnerable. It was evident the fear was shared, and Donghyuck wondered how long it had been for them, how far gone he supposedly was from the world. Taeil nodded solemnly, a small smile etched on his face as Jisung sleepily stumbled into his arms, Chenle waking up as if sensing Jisung’s absence.
“Has Johnny-hyung been discharged?” Chenle slurred, his voice raspy as if he had sent hours cyring. He probably did.
“We’re all ready to go home…except –“ Taeil broke off, his gaze falling on Donghyuck’s sleeping form. The eldest swallowed heavily before escorting the youngest members out, sparing a small goodbye to Donghyuck before closing the door behind him. Renjun shifted uncomfortably from his previous position before dragging the sofa nearer to Donghyuck, taking his other hand in his own.
“You better not make yourself at home up there.” The Chinese boy muttered, his eyes suddenly brimming with tears. “You told us we’re your home. This is no home without you. Come home, Hyuck”
Donghyuck fell to his knees beside Renjun, setting his head on the elder boy’s thighs. He knew Renjun wouldn’t be able to see him, nor would he feel him. But it gave Donghyuck a little more comfort, and perhaps the universe would let Renjun rest.
“There is no home without the ones I love most” Donghyuck whispered to himself. The ground under his knees shifted and suddenly he was back at the field of grass, his centre of gravity pushing him forward. With a thud he planted his palms against the Earth before he could face plant.
Guilt bloomed in his chest at the thought of ever leaving them behind, of causing them pain and strife when they would have to continue a life they had signed up for, knowing they’d be a missing spot in the choreo and in their songs to remind them a piece in their puzzle had been lost.
“Donghyuck –“ Doyoung called softly, prompting Donghyuck to turn around and face him with a face smeared with tear tracks and eyes red rimmed. An endearing smile spread on the elder boy’s lips as he wiped the transparent orbs away. Something in his eyes changed, and suddenly it was as if Doyoung was trying to remember every last detail on Donghyuck’s face. This didn’t go past Donghyuck, who could only look up at him in confusion as the smile of his hyung fell. “Lee Haechan…Lee Donghyuck…”
“Hyung?” Donghyuck asked, sudden fear buzzing in his veins. “What is it?”
The sun was behind Doyoung, shadowing his features and causing the light to shine in Donghyuck’s eyes. It was getting brighter with every passing second, almost blinding him. “Hyung?!”
Doyoung exhaled a long breath before he raised his head, a kind smile stretching across his face, even when tears made their way down his cheeks. “Tell them goodbye for me”
The sun shone brighter and Donghyuck squinted against the light, desperate to catch one final look at his beloved hyung’s face. It had occurred to him that it might be the last time he’d hear that voice, see that smile. Desperately, he grabbed Doyoung’s arms while being half blinded by the light. “Hyung! Please…hyung!”
“Tell them to live for me, Hyuckie.” The hands that held his own was losing substance, as if his hyung was disappearing right in front of him. “Tell them I’m sorry.”
“Hyung!”
“Live well, Hyuckie…I love you so mu –“
-
“-e’s waking up! I swear to God!”
“He’s responding! He’s opening his eyes!”
The lights were white and the scent was unsettling. His head ached and his stomach cramped. His limbs felt detached, losing any sort of connection to his brain. Someone was talking…no…multiple people.
Donghyuck squinted as a light was flashed into his eyes. Hands had grabbed his own, intertwining their fingers. Splodges of colour, filling his vision like watercolours on a blank canvas before his sight focused. Colourful hair of the members he had almost left behind. His throat was parched, a week of no water taking its toll. But he was alive!
“Hyuck,” Taeyong said in a hushed tone, his face appearing in his view. The moment Donghyuck settled his eyes on him, an expression of relief spread on his face. “You recognize me?”
His neck muscles were tense and aching, but he manages a small nod. A split second of cheering was cut off by hushed voices and shushing. Taeyong was so close now, his head near to Donghyuck’s own. Donghyuck didn’t have to scan the room to realize the absence of one member.
“H-hyung” he croaked, the leader leaning forward to hear. “Doyoung-hyung says goodbye.”
Instantly, Taeyong collapsed in front of him, burying his face in his sheets. Donghyuck let the others mourn a death he had not been told, let them cry out for someone who had taken care of the ones who were incapable of caring for themselves.
“Goodbye, hyung” he whispered, smiling.