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He wiggled under the blanket for a bit and then rolled over to another side. Right as his arm hit something very warm and definitely alive he heard:
"Nghsfk! Ugh, god's sake, Marty! You scared me t'death!"
"You sound very much alive to me, luckily"
"Yeah, luckily… Don't throw yer arms over me like that, ar'right?"
"Sorry" he said, with a sleepy smile.
"S'nothing, i just get scared"
"Sorry"
"Mngh…"Albert rolled over too, accidentally bumping their noses together.
"Ouch"
"My bad" he muttered, rubbing his nose bridge, "Still not used to… Y'know. Whole "sleeping together" thing"
"I get it, it's weird" Martin shrugged and pulled a blanket up to his chin.
"Really?"
"Well… Yes. For almost forty two years i am alone in my bed and now -bang- i need to remind myself not to kick you accidentally or something…"
"Yeah, that's what i mean… Imagine me waking up for the first time like this. The first thing i see is the face of my arch-enemy"
"Oh my" Martin couldn't help but giggle, "Sounds truly terrifying!"
"Are you making fun of me or is it just the way you are?" Albert suspiciously leaned towards him.
"Nah, i'm just like that" he suddenly leaned forwards too and pulled Albert back on his pillow.
"Woah, hey, hey. Careful. You gotta warn me when you do this, my reflexes are still kinda in a supervillian mode" there wasn't much protest in his voice though.
"Ok, i'll try and remember that next time"
"Next time?"
"I am sure this isn't the last midnight dialogue we'll be having. Were you asleep at all?" his voice suddenly changed from light and careless to deep and very caring. Albert blinked.
"No, not really. I almost fell asleep, but it was sorta… freezing? More that, than sleeping for real. And then you knocked me out of it" he let out a terribly unnatural hoarse laughter.
"My… How long does it take you to fall asleep?" Martin carefully brushed his fingers against Albert's cheek. Albert blinked again. Twice.
"'Dunno, ages? Maybe four hours, average? I never count, really. I just lay down and… lay there until i stop realizing that i Am, and i'm laying somewhere. That's what i call successful sleeping"
"It's… Not good"
"I know, ar'right?.."
"I didn't mean it in a harmful way, ok? I just… said what's on my mind. It was stupid, i admit. But… it's really bad"
"Well, what'cha gonna do about it anyway? It's been like that since… I don't know, since i was thirty?"
"There Is something we… You can do"
"Whu's'that?" Albert tried his best not to show any emotions at all. He wanted to laugh, he wanted to smile, he wanted to cry, all at the same time with the same amount of Want.
"You remember the tomorrow afternoon, right?"
"Wh- Ah. Yeah. Got it" He awkwardly drummed his fingers "The therapist lady, yes"
"Right. You can tell her about it, i think you really should" he reached for Alberts hand.
"Huh…"Albert layed back down and stared at the ceiling for a minute.
"A dumb code-question comin', is everything alright?" Martin moved closer to him.
"No, no it isn't"
"Is there… anything you'd like to talk about?"
"Yes! And no!" Albert sat up and then immediately fell on his back again "All this stuff, the therapy, the… the parental thing, the sleep… thing! It's all so important and i should tell her about it, but i don't know if i actually can! It's hard to tell You about this, and i don't even know her…"
"Maybe that'll make it better, actually. I'm your friend, your boyfriend, even, and she's your doctor" Martin touched the back of his hand, caressing.
"Yeah…"
"Think of it as going to, how do they call it? A Real Doctor?"
"Yeah" Albert shivered a bit.
"You don't walk with a broken leg, do you?"
"No, you're right. And i know you're right, you're always right. It's just… hard…"
For a while, they stayed silent, Albert was gripping on a lean pale hand that seemed like the only safe thing for the moment. Then Martin moved closer, very close, his side touching Albert's, and it was fine.
"You should tell her that as one of the first things, alright? Insomnia might be a sign, you might need medications" he said and added, in his thoughts, "For all i know, you Will need them…"
"I know. All of this shit's been piling up for like, twenty years? More than twenty, even! How will i… ever… deal with all of it?" He gripped his own throat so no sobbing would escape and Martin immediately grabbed his hand, slowly moving it away from any of Albert's body parts and to the pillow.
"You will, slowly. You can do it, i know you can. It's hard to live with and… i can't promise it'll be easy to get rid of. I wish i could… But you can do it. I know you can. You're strong enough to" he whispered softly.
"I'm tired. I don't wanna be… strong… or weak… i just… i Don't Want To anymore…"
"It's… normal for your state, really. It's hard and terrible and all that shit, but i believe you can to this. It's not about if you're strong or not. I've seen you get up and keep fighting for years, i know what you can do. Believe me, it'll be fine!"
"I don't want to get up, do you understand?.. I'm just tired"
Martin put their fingers together, cupped his cheek and murmured
"But you've already chosen to pay a visit to your therapist. It's all you need. You make these… small decisions. It's just enough to make it, trust me. You're doing so well, and i'm here. Right here. You've been dealing with this alone, i know that you're exhausted, but i'm here and you're here, and you got your appointment tomorrow. That's enough… that's enough for now"
Albert remained as silent as he could, swallowing his tears.
"You… know that you don't need to do a lot? Small thing are just as good" Martin whispered reassuringly, wiping a tear off his cheek, "You don't need to be strong, and you don't need to do Everything to be strong. Small things are enough"
"Stop… being… so damn nice, will ya?"
"Sure, of course, sorry" he smiled and held his hand tighter.
"You're always so bloody… sweet. And you're always right about this stuff, but when you say it… it's easy. And when i… try… it's a mess. I'm a mess too!"
"You're… my favourite mess in the whole world" if Martin had learned anything over these couple of months, it was that Albers never appreciated all those reassuring compliments. He saw them as disputes. But these ones…
"I'm so jealous, Marty… you handle this so well… i wanna just… be able to take a breath and… and say "it's gonna be fine" and… know that it will"
"You can learn this, i promise… we may try right now. Would you like to?" Albert gritted his teeth. Then shook his head.
"There, there…. Now, look at me and try to do what i do" Martin took a beep breath. "It'll all be alright…"
Albert took a breath too.
"It's temporary… It's taking longer than it should, but still, it's temporary… It'll all go away… And you'll make it to that day…"
Breathe in. Breathe out. In. And out. One more time, hands and fingers put together, inhaling and exhaling together, together, together.
"Are you… a bit better now?"
"Yeah-s…" Albert yawned.
"Shall we sleep?"
"I could try"
"Do you want anything?"
"No…" he sounded uncertain "Can i be the little spoon, but like, inverted?"
"How's?… Could you show me?"
"Here, y'see…"
Albert layed down close to him, carefully, burying his wet face between Martin's collarbones.
"Ah, sorry" he moved away and reached for the napkin.
"It's alright. I get it now, here, snuggle up"
"Heh"
Martin held him in his arms, gently and soft. It was even a bit strange how lean but soft he managed to be. He gave the best cuddles. At least, Albert thought as he was falling a victim of fatigue, he'd never chose any other cuddles over Martin's.
And he was still a huge mess, and shit was still coming down with a great thunder, but he was there.
And Martin was there.
And he was right, he was always right about these things.
And he was close, and he was warm.
And they were together.
And it was all small things.
But it was just enough.