Chapter Text
It’s as if the thin, pink double line is smiling wickedly at him, mocking him and his very misfortune.
Everything started with some morning pukes.
It was normal, Youngjae had thought the first time, he and his boyfriend had seafood for dinner that night and the shrimp tasted funny, he was actually expecting to get sick as his fucker boyfriend forced him to eat - too expensive to throw it away.
But it got worse and worse every morning - he tried not to panic at first so he just overloaded himself with Alka Seltzer and Pepto-Bismol, that made him feel better during the day, but the next morning he woke up just as sick but he insisted he was perfectly fine though wake up ten mornings in a row straight to the toilet wasn’t normal at all.
Right then, he also began to feel a repudiation to a certain sweetish odors that were too strong for him but seemed nonexistent for others and that was when Jinyoung came up with the biggest stupidity that Youngjae had heard in his life - maybe he was pregnant. Everybody laugh it off, it was a joke and it was funny but the comment stuck in the back of his mind.
And here he is, after sending his dinner from the night before down the drain, with a stupid pregnancy test between his fingers.
Only one line was negative; two vertical lines said positive.
But this can’t be possible. It can’t be true - he’s just a 20 years old stupid college student and his only concern in life is to get the highest score in Overwatch, he can’t be expecting a baby. He just can’t.
He’s so not having a baby.
But he has six pregnancy tests over the sink, all of differents brands and all of them, with double pink lines, red stripes and blue plus signs, are telling him clearly he’s having one. The positive is so evil.
After a good five minutes of initial shock just watching himself in the mirror, he collapses on the white marble bathroom floor, almost hitting his head on the sink. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He was blank, slowly watching the world he has known until now falling apart suddenly, barely digesting the news.
He has been a big idiot, he really fucked it up big time.
What he’s supposed to do now? How is he going to tell this to his parents? They’re going to kill him painfully and then they’ll dance on his grave. His family never loved the idea of him leaving the college dorms a year ago to go live together with his boyfriend, and with this freaking joke, they’re going to be furious.
How is he going to tell Jaebeom? Surely as soon as he hear the news, he’s going to leave. Jaebeom doesn’t want a baby, he wants to graduate and he’s only one semester away of getting his degree, he’s so close and he’s just starting an internship in a great company that Jaebeom loves. No, Youngjae can’t ruin that.
He needs a solution and he needs it fast. He has to get rid of the problem before grows and people, Jaebeom mainly, ends up noticing it.
"Baby, you’re here?" He hears a knock on the door and his boyfriend’s soft voice calling from outside.
"Yeah!” Youngjae jumps startled, “Just a second," he shouts from inside, standing up and quickly wiping the tears that have begun to leave his eyes, he hides the tests in some drawer he knows Jaebeom isn’t going to open anytime soon, later he’ll get rid of it.
"Hi," he smiles softly as he opens the door to meet Jaebeom in front of him with his arms crossed and a raised eyebrow.
"Let me guess," Jaebeom gets closer, softening his expression and lightly touching Youngjae’s pink cheek with the back of his hand, "Throwing up again?"
"I told you, the seafood was spoiled," Youngjae complains, getting away from the touch, he needs to act well enough so that Jaebeom didn’t notice anything weird and he can’t do that if he’s being this nice around him. Youngjae’s a soft word away from crying, "That shrimp had some weird look on it."
Jaebeom laughs softly and follows him to the kitchen, wrapping his arms around his slim waist, unaware of Youngjae’s internal battle to keep himself together, "Do you realize it didn’t even have a head, right?"
"Well, it seems they want revenge for being eaten."
"You really need to go to the doctor.”
"No!" Youngjae shouts suddenly, pulling away again from his boyfriend’s body, the idea of a doctor makes him anxious. The doctor would obviously know the only shrimp that made him sick is the one between Jaebeom's legs and he isn’t quite ready to make it official.
"No? Youngjae, you have woke up throwing up for the last two weeks."
"I’m fine, babe. I swear!" Youngjae smiles hoping Jaebeom can’t notice the fakeness in it, "I think I’m getting better already."
“You’re not getting any better, you’re sick.” Jaebeom growls angrily, trying to make him turn around to see him in the eye, but with no avail, “Maybe you have a tapeworm or some shit like that! People die because of that, you know?”
Youngjae can’t help but laugh loudly at that, this guy is so dramatic but he might be kind of right - he got some worm after all, but slightly different to what Jaebeom is thinking of.
“God Jaebeom, you watch medical shows way too much,” the younger finally turns around and his smile is genuine this time, “I’m fine! Is just some food poisoning.”
“Hey! The tapeworm is possible, okay?” Jaebeom rolls his eyes stubbornly.
“Yeah, okay. But that’s not the case.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Actually I…”
“No, you know what? I’m calling your mom.”
Youngjae panics, one look and his mother is going to figure out everything, “What? No! Why? You don’t need to call her.”
“You’re not fine Jae,” Jaebeom softens his voice tone getting closer to him, “If calling her is the only way to make you go to the hospital, I will.”
“She’s not picking up, she hates you!” Youngjae shouts as a pathetic attempt to stop him, but Jaebeom just smirks.
“She loves me,” he clarifies and Youngjae hates him instead, "She hates you for defy her and coming live with me when they said no."
"Okay! You win, I’ll go," Youngjae gives up, he can’t deal with his parents and Jaebeom at the same time. No, he’s going to talk to his boyfriend first, "But you know how much I hate hospitals."
“Baby, please?” Jaebeom sighs softly, tangling his arms around the younger one, pressing his body in his arms, "At least go to the infirmary."
“Okay,” Youngjae hugs him back, burying his nose on Jaebeom’s neck but pushing him away a second after, grimacing in disgust, "What's that smell?"
"What?" Jaebeom asked, nosing around but he can’t get any smell.
"That!" The younger points something on Jaebeom’s body when he gets closer and catches the nasty smell again, "Ugh, is so..."
"What?!" Jaebeom smells his shirt but he doesn’t find anything weird, "It’s clean, smells like softener."
"It's not your shirt," the other complains with the disgusted expression still on his face, "It’s you, you smell like…”
He can’t finish the sentence as he feels a frightful reflux and all he can do is press his lips together and cover his mouth with a hand, running to lock himself in the bathroom before causing an accident in the middle of the kitchen.
"Me?!" Jaebeom shouts offended, raising both arms slightly to smell his armpits, "I don’t have any smell, I’ve just taken a shower!"
"It's the shitty soap," Youngjae growls coming out of the bathroom with a hand holding his stomach, after a few good minutes the vomiting reflex is gone but now he has stomachache and he thinks he’s not going to be able to eat anything.
"What's wrong with it? You bought that soap because it’s some citrus thing."
"I hate it now, it’s gross” he complains, pushing Jaebeom when he came closer to hug him again, “And you stay away!"
"Fine!” Jaebeom growls and goes sit on the couch all grumpy, frowning and crossing his arms tightly.
"Hyung, I'm sorry," Youngjae gets closer trying to ignore the smell and leaves a small peck over his lips, "It’s because of the nausea."
"That's why you need a damn doctor!"
"I know! I promise to give him a visit today, happy?" the younger replies, getting away from Jaebeom once again, feeling how the rest of his dinner is trying to go up his throat again.
"I’ll be happy when you’re healthy! And I'm fucking late,” Jaebeom snaps standing up and although he’s still annoyed, he kisses Youngjae sweetly before leaving their shared apartment, “See you tonight.”
Youngjae sighs worriedly seeing his boyfriend walking out of there, unaware of how fucked up they are. They really have screwed up in every sense of the word and he has no idea how he’s going to tell him.
He takes up his phone and sends a quick message to the only person in the world he can speak to right now, gently touching his belly with a frown.
It’s a frozen day. Maybe it’ll start snowing anytime soon.
Youngjae has a lecture that morning and later that day, he’s supposed to be teaching piano lessons but he doesn’t feel like do either of it. What he does instead, is call his classmate and ask him to justify his absence and then he talks with his piano student’s mother at the Music Academy and cancels the lesson, saying that he was somewhat sick, something that it’s not entirely a lie.
And after getting rid of his day activities, he goes to a cozy coffee shop, the one that it’s close to Jinyoung’s workplace, he orders a mocha frappuccino - he ignores the look the cashier gives him, it’s freezing but he can drink whatever he wants, and the box of a dozen chocolate donuts and sits at the farthest corner where nobody is going to bother him.
While waiting, he steels himself and looks for some information about his nine months problem, male pregnancy, morning sickness and some more, but half of an article about labor he cowers and stops reading, he can’t see that anymore. So he just starts playing a game until Jinyoung joins him not long after.
"I’m on my break," he says, sitting at the table in front of Youngjae "What’s up?"
"Hello to you too, hyung," Youngjae rolls his eyes, getting another donut from the box, nibbling distressed.
"Come on, I have to go back soon," Jinyoung opens donuts box, seeing that there’s only 4 left and stealing one, "Did you ate all this by yourself?"
"I was craving for it," the younger shrugs it off.
"Yeah, I can see that," Jinyoung tells with a sarcastic smile, "So? What’s the matter?"
"Jaebeom hyung and I."
"What? Are you two fighting again?"
"Not exactly, but I told him he stank and I think he got angry,"
"And I bet that’s a funny story but I really have to work, Jae" Jinyoung complains biting his donut, usually he doesn’t care if any of them want to tell him about their love life, but Jaebeom stinking it’s not an emergency as Youngjae had made it look, "I think your story can wait, I’m going now."
"We're having a baby," Youngjae blurts out when he sees Jinyoung’s really leaving, making him drop all his weight back into the chair, looking at him half surprised, half in disbelief.
“Who?”
“Who do you think?!” Youngjae exclaims quietly, he doesn’t want anyone hearing, “Me and Jaebeom.”
"What?!"
"I'm... you know..." he whispers with his head down, playing with his fingers in his lap just to not look at his hyung.
"You what?!" Jinyoung shouts again, he can’t believe what his friend just told him but he knows, Youngjae would never joke about that. He looks too scared as to be kidding.
"You were right about that," Youngjae laughs sadly and wrapps his stomach with his arms, looking up slowly to see Jinyoung’s face.
"I was just joking, oh god!" Jinyoung covers his mouth with his hand and then goes sit beside the younger, who looks ready to cry at any moment and he hugs him tightly, "Shit, Youngjae"
Youngjae says nothing and just suits on Jinyoung’s arms, breathing heavily as trying to hold back the tears before it began to spill down his cheeks.
"How long have you been...?" Jinyoung asks when Youngjae has calmed down, slowly rubbing his back soothingly.
"What?" Youngjae looks up to see the older with a somewhat loss expression.
"Pregnant," the other says in a whisper, as if he doesn’t want to trigger Youngjae into tears again but he needs to ask, "How long?"
"I… I don’t know…" it hadn’t occurred to Youngjae to think about that until then, he was busier feeling like shit, "I found out just today."
"Well... when was the last time you two went for it?”
"You’re kidding!" Youngjae laughs softly and Jinyoung’s a bit relieved that at least he’s not looking like crying anymore, "Yesterday? Hyung! We have sex like three times a day! I can’t know when I got pregnant."
"Three times? Really?!" Jinyoung seems surprised for a second and Youngjae smirks, about to answer but he stops him.
"No! I don’t wanna know!" the older fake shivers in disgust, he really doesn’t want to know his two best friends' really active business, "Did you see a doctor already?"
“No… I’m… I don’t want a doctor.”
“You need a checkup” Jinyoung sighs because he just made Youngjae sad again, “You and the new baby…”
Youngjae hugs Jinyoung again and shakes his head, he know he needs a doctor, is just he can’t do this by his own, “I got an appointment today, would you go with me?”
“Sure,” Jinyoung frowns, “But what about Jaebeom? Isn’t it better if he goes with you?”
"Jaebeom hyung, he… doesn’t know yet," Youngjae looks down, and Jinyoung feels how he’s shaking softly.
"Why? You have to tell him."
“I know but I… how could I?” The younger one is talking in whispers and this time he’s unable to hold his tears up and starts babbling, “We don’t need this, he just got the thing with the internship… I’ll ruin that! He’s… he’s the basketball team captain… I just can’t…”
"Youngjae..."
"He doesn’t need to know," he says as a final declaration but he bursts into tears "He’s going to get mad at me!"
"He can’t be mad at you Youngjae, and definitely not because of this," Jinyoung tries to be understanding, squeezing him in the embrace, "Besides, this is his business too, you didn’t do it alone."
"If I tell him, he’ll leave me!" Youngjae finally lets out his biggest fear about Jaebeom, and now he’s unable to control his crying, "You know him, he’ll be so upset."
"Youngjae, don’t cry please…” Jinyoung softly strokes his hair to make him relax and trying not to panic along with Youngjae and the way he’s crying, “I know Jaebeom tends to be a bit... explosive, but he needs to know.”
Youngjae cries and Jinyoung waits for him to calm down, he knows this is a serious issue and they had got into a big deal but he has no idea what he can say to make it better and the situation doesn’t improve when people around starts to throwing them weird looks and Jinyoung’s getting nervous.
"Calm down, okay?" he whispers softly, "Jaebeom adores you! He’s unable to be angry at you, much less leave you."
"Do you think so?" Youngjae sobs, finally trying to calm his breathing.
"I’m sure," Jinyoung gives him a napkin to clean his face, "You two will fix this together,"
Youngjae nods softly, breaking the hug to wipe his eyes and the tears still on his cheeks, smiling sadly to Jinyoung.
"Let’s do this, I’m going to end my shift and then we can go to your appointment. Then…"
"Then I have to talk with Jaebeom."
"Yeah," Jinyoung sighs heavily, helping Youngjae with his stuff to leave that place, "Then you have to tell him," he says with an apologetic grin on his face, hoping Jaebeom would do the right thing.
Both Youngjae and the fetus are perfectly fine, he’s around 13 or 14 weeks pregnant and the doctor said his bump is going to show up sooner than later.
They talked about the risks of an early male pregnancy and the things Youngjae has to do from now on to keep both of them healthy but until now, everything’s going alright so he doesn’t have to worry about anything, now that he’s going to have check ups regularly they’ll have all the pregnancy under control.
The doctor also does an echography and they got to see the little thing that is his baby and it’s honestly amazing, Youngjae’s still scared and he still feels like a mess but seeing that warms something inside him. Jinyoung’s smiling brightly, he’s always been a sucker for babies and he looks so excited, it’s contagious so Youngjae ends up smiling too at seeing the baby’s face and little hands.
Youngjae is visibly more relaxed when the appointment is over, but as soon as they come closer to his apartment, he feels all nervous again at the thought of Jaebeom not knowing about this yet and scares the shit out of him to have to tell him, but Jinyoung makes him promise that he’d tell him that very night and it’s not like he has another choice anyways.
“Call me, okay?” When Jinyoung drops him off, he hugs him tightly, assuring him everything’s going to be alright and Youngjae nods, hoping he’s right.
Youngjae’s sitting on the couch and eating their last supply of chocolate ice cream right from the package just waiting for Jaebeom to come home.
When Jaebeom finally comes, he smiles when he sees his boyfriend stuffing a huge spoon of ice cream in his mouth and watching some tv show he’s not paying attention to.
“Hey, babe,” he greets him, sitting next to him and opens his mouth for Youngjae to give him some ice cream but as his boyfriend ignores him, he snatches the spoon and starts eating by himself.
"I was eating that," Youngjae complains pouting, as he watches his ice cream being stolen away by his boyfriend, who just smirks sticking out his tongue.
"Hey..." after a while when the ice cream’s already over, Youngjae takes a deep breath to start talking about their new problems, if he doesn’t say it now it’ll be more difficult to do it, though he doesn’t know where to start, "Do you love me?"
Jaebeom smiles and hugs the boy's shoulders with his arm, "Of course yes Jae, I love you."
“Are you sure?”
“Pretty sure, do you love me back?” he asks thinking is some kind of game Youngjae’s coming up with but instead of answering, Youngjae makes another question.
“How sure you are? Like an 80%? Or a 50%?”
Jaebeom frowns slightly, that question is weird, “Jae, I’m sorry baby, is there something I forgot? Because I’m…”
“Is nothing like that, just answer me.”
“I’m 100% sure.” Jaebeom holds Youngjae’s face between his hands, forcing him to look at him, “I love you lots, okay?”
Youngjae sighs, “I love you too.”
“That’s good, right?” Jaebeom’s whispering now, and gets closer to Youngjae to kiss him softly.
Youngjae smiles and deepens the kiss, taking Jaebeom by his neck and sticking out his tongue to go into Jaebeom mouth, who gladly parts his lips to welcome him. Their kiss isn’t rushed, nor urgent. They kiss slowly just for the pleasure to do so, enjoying the other’s warmth closer to their bodies.
They end up lying on the couch kissing lazily, Jaebeom’s on top of Youngjae stroking his thighs slowly and Youngjae has his hands inside Jaebeom’s shirt, caressing his skin lightly, but if that keeps going, they’re going to end up having some lazy sex and that can’t happen right now.
Now he needs to tell him about the pregnancy so he breaks the kiss and pushes Jaebeom so they’re sitting facing each other.
"I… today I went to the doctor." the younger boy says out of nothing, looking down at his hands.
"So? What did they said?" Jaebeom asks worriedly.
Youngjae shrugs, tightening his own fingers in his lap, nervous "He said I was fine."
"I don’t think throwing up every morning is being fine" Jaebeom holds his face again, for him to look up.
"Well, yeah... about that," the dark-haired boy puts a half smile, "That’s kind of normal, actually"
“How that can be normal?"
"You know, there's something."
"Something?”
“Just this thing…”
“Jae, you’re scaring me! What did they say?"
"You and I… we’re… amh," Youngjae breathes in deeply, ‘you can do this’ he tells to himself, it can’t be harder than to tell Jinyoung, so he lets go the truth go in a single breath, "I’m kind of pregnant."
"Kind of what?"
"We’re having a baby,” Youngjae says clearing his throat, is less difficult the second time he says it, “That’s why I’ve been sick, ailments of pregnancy or something."
Youngjae thought that Jaebeom was going to get angry, to curse or hit something, or be shocked like himself and shut himself in the bedroom, even leave the house or whatever but he laughs.
Jaebeom laughs loudly, like he just heard the funniest joke ever and Youngjae can’t believe him.
"Yeah, you almost got me there," Jaebeom stands up still laughing and goes to the kitchen for some drink and when he returns Youngjae is in the exact same position on the couch. He has a dismayed look and his eyes are watering.
“This is not a joke, Jaebeom. I’m pregnant.” he says seriously and Jaebeom breaks.
“You’re not.” he says trying to smile but he’s panicking, a terrified expression on his face, the same Youngjae had when he saw the tests, “It can’t be… are you sure?”
Youngjae pulls out from the pocket of his jacket one of the positive tests he did that morning to show him. Jaebeom gets closer slowly and takes the test, looking fixedly at the double line.
“But… this can be wrong, right?”Jaebeom tells him, his voice shaking, “Like a false positive or something like that, right? I mean…”
“I have five more like that one, and the doctor confirmed it” the younger looks up, biting the inside of his cheek, “Isn’t enough to be sure?”
"I… yeah, I’m sorry, It's just..." Jaebeom squats in front of Youngjae and takes his hands firmly, "What are we going to do now?"
Youngjae can only shrug, and the feelings surpass him again, he can’t hold the tears and he starts apologizing over and over again.
Jaebeom panics a little more but standing up, he forces Youngjae to stand up too and hugs him tightly, kissing his head, "Calm down, don’t apologize baby,"
“I’m sorry,” Youngjae sobs, hiding his face on Jaebeom’s neck, “I don’t know what to do…”
The older sighs, thinking fast, "We can just...end it? I know someone who can help us and I can get some money…”
“What…?” Youngjae’s tears stop instantly and gets away from Jaebeom, “What do you mean?”
“You know… just… interrump it before…”
“Do you want me to kill it?!” Youngjae exclaims, widening his eyes in disbelief.
“No!” Jaebeom takes his hands and strokes his skin slowly in a soothing motion, trying to make him understand, “That’s not it but… it’s not even alive, alright? It doesn’t exist yet.”
“It’s alive, hyung!” Youngjae whispers, trying with all his might to not to cry again, “This thingy has a small heart, I heard it beating and…"
"Youngjae, I know you're scared but…”
"I’m not doing that," the boy says it as an ultimatum, he’s sure of his words, "I won’t kill the baby!"
“It’s not a baby yet…”
“It is! It has little hands and… and legs!”
Jaebeom growls, losing his patience, "Then what? Are you going to keep it?"
"No!" Youngjae exclaims but he hesitates a seconds after, "No... I just don’t want to do that."
"Okay, tell me what will happen then”
"I don’t know, hyung!” Youngjae tries not to shout but he’s getting impatient too, “We’re supposed to figure it out together!"
“I just gave you a solution already!”
“No that!”
“Then what, Youngjae?!” Jaebeom is shouting too.
“I-don’t-know!”
"Okay, you know what? Think about it, take your time," Jaebeom talks calmly suddenly and walks away picking his keys, “But don’t think I’ll be here waiting for you,”
"So you’re just leaving if I don’t decide right now?”
“I’m leaving anyways! Do whatever you want, but don’t count on me.”
Youngjae laughs dryly by the way Jaebeom is acting, he never thought he’ll be this asshole, “This is your problem too, just so you know!”
"Actually, I can’t know that," Jaebeom smiles irritably, "Who assures me the kid you’re expecting is mine?"
"Are you insane?! You're my boyfriend, who else could it be?!"
"How will I know that Youngjae? Think about it, you have to remember with whom you've been sleeping around,"
"You're the only one I've slept with!"
"That's what you say."
"You're a fucking jerk!" Youngjae shouts, his cheeks flushed with pure fury.
"And you’re just stupid!” Jaebeom’s also enraged, his chin just popped out and he opens the door rudely, “I offered you a solution, you don’t want it? Then find another by yourself!"
"Fine, go away!" Youngjae yells and throws him the remote control, the first thing he sees, "We don’t need you!"
"Fine!" the older screams, slamming the door when he leaves.
When Jaebeom comes back, it’s almost 2am and he feels like the shittiets person in the world, the apartment is all dark he knows Youngjae’s not there, obviously, after what happened, he wouldn’t be waiting for him.
He turns on the living room light and jumps scared, gasping at seeing Jinyoung sitting in the couch, looking at him as if he’s going to kill him at any moment now, his lips pursed and his arms so tightly crossed it seems like someone stick it with glue.
“Fuck, Jinyoung,” he says holding his chest, breathing in deeply.
“How long have you been dating Youngjae?” his friend asks, he’s speaking calmly but the deep tone on his voice shows how angry he is.
“Since high school?” Jaebeom answers without looking at him, he know why he’s here and he doesn’t feel like fighting anymore, “You were there when it happened.”
“Yeah,” Jinyoung says, standing up to get closer to Jaebeom, “And I think by now you know him all too well.”
“I guess?”
"Great, so please enlighten me, why is he in my apartment crying the Pacific Ocean in tears?"
Jaebeom rolls his eyes, here’s the thing Jinyoung came for, “I know him but I can’t read his mind. I don’t know.”
“Oh, you don’t?” his best friend frowns angrily.
“No idea,”
Jinyoung snorts, "What did you say to put him in that mood, Jaebeom?!"
"Nothing! That must be his hormones, people cries because of everything while pregnant, right?"
"Oh, do you think this is fucking funny?" Jinyoung slaps Jaebeom’s head strongly and this one shouts out painfully.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, Jinyoung?!" Jaebeom squeezes his fists and walks away from him, before he punches him too.
"That's for being an fucking asshole!" Jinyoung growls, crossing his arms over his chest again, "Do you really asked him to get an abortion? Wow, so brave of you. And when he said no, you basically told him he was a whore, nice Jaebeom, very nice" he clapped slowly, his hands right in Jaebeom’s face.
"This isn’t your business Park, stay out of this!" Jaebeom pushes his hands away.
“Do you really think he cheated on you?! That he got pregnant of another guy?”
“Maybe?!” Jaebeom yells and his throat hurts, of course he doesn’t but he can’t stop, “Maybe he turned out to be a slut.”
“Shut the fuck up, Im Jaebeom!” Jinyoung yells and his hometown dialect shows up, Jaebeom has known him almost all his life and he has never saw him this angry, “Don’t you dare call him that! He’s not a cheater and he fucking loves you!”
Jaebeom makes a pained face and turns away but Jinyoung’s not over yet, “I think this is for the best, though. You don’t deserve someone like Youngjae, he can do much better than a fucking jerk. I can’t believe he dated a fucker like you for so long.”
“Jinyoung, shut up.” Jaebeom says but now he’s whispering, his voice is trembling and he hides his face on his hands, “Just shut up.”
His friend sighs, relaxing his tone too, “How can you say that shit about him? I thought you loved him?”
“I do! Fuck!” Jaebeom yells but this time is not out of anger, he’s so frustrated with himself and tries to hold back the tears, “I fucking love him, alright? I know he’s nothing but loyal and loving, okay? But...”
"Youngjae is scared! And you’s just make it worse," Jinyoung tries to control his tone, but he’s not having anything about this attitude, "All he needed was your support and you just ruined everything."
"What did you want me to say then? ‘Okay sweetie, let's be parents’? Jinyoung I'm scared too! I know what I said it was fucking wrong! But I don’t know what else I can do!" The tears finally runs down his cheeks and Jaebeom collapses over the couch and he covers his face with his hands again, unable to stop the soft spasms that are shaking his body.
"All you have to do is be there with him," Jinyoung talks softly and puts a hand on Jaebeom’s shoulder, gently patting him, "Cool your mind and then go talk to him."
"And what am I going to say?" The other whispered, breathlessly.
"An apology seems like a good choice"
“I’m sorry I ruined your life?”
“Better an ‘I’m sorry I’m a jerk’...” Jinyoung makes his friend look up and he hands him something he just puts out of his pocket, “Maybe nothing is ruined yet.”
“What’s this?” Jaebeom asks but he doesn’t really need an answer, it’s like a black and white photo showing a thing with limbs and a big head.
“That’s your baby,” Jinyoung can’t help but smile, he doesn’t even know when he got this fond of this little person he met that afternoon but god, he wants to hug it already.
“My baby…” Jaebeom looks at the picture some more, and it’s so weird how his chest warms just looking at it and thinking about Youngjae and he himself doing this. Then he feels a cold chill running down his spine, how he could even have thought on suggesting something like what he did. “Oh, God…”
“Go to him, Jaebeom.”
“Sure he hates me now.”
“He doesn’t, so talk with him until you have all this figured out and you’re going to support him. This also concerns you."
"I know," Jaebeom looked up and his friend smiles pitiful before leaving the apartment. Jaebeom looks at the echography fixedly the rest of the night.
Jaebeom didn’t have any sleep that night, and the next thing into the day it was to go Youngjae’s side.
He takes a fast shower and heads to Jinyoung’s place, he’s so nervous and hopes that his boyfriend doesn’t hate him too much after all the things he said. He thought thoroughly all night long about everything, and regret is killing him. He knows Youngjae is the only thing that matters to him and everything’s going to be fine as long as they’re together. He can’t lose him for act like a selfish jerk.
Jinyoung welcomes him with an eyes roll, and Jaebeom’s goes directly to his friend’s bed room. Youngjae’s fall asleep hugging his legs to his chest, his face might look peaceful but Jaebeom knows him well enough to guess he had a nightmare, probably because of himself.
He leans over and kisses his cheek lightly, only a soft brush of lips against skin, but Youngjae opens his eyes instantly once he felt the tingle on his face and when he looks into his eyes, Jaebeom feels the world coming down on him. The always bright eyes are full of sadness and confusion, watery and red swollen from the crying.
“Hi,” Jaebeom whispers in his ear, but Youngjae gets up and sits on the bed.
“What are you doing here?” he says sadly and his voice breaks slightly.
Jaebeom kneels before him, looking at him, “I’m so sorry for what I said yesterday. That was all shit and you don’t imagine how sorry I am, Jae.” he takes a deep breath before adding, “You have all the right to shove me off, but let me tell you that I love you so much and the stupidest thing I can do is let you go. I can’t live without you, Youngjae, I have know this since high school. If you still don’t hate me too much, if you found in yourself to forgive me… please let me show you I mean it. I love you and I’m sorry. I’m going to do things right and never let you down for a second ever again. Please forgive me, love.”
“Jaebeom…”
“In all what you want, in whatever you decide, I'll be with you. I love you, Youngjae. I can’t..."
Youngjae pulls him up and makes him sit in the mattress next to him and Jaebeom hugs him tightly waiting for him to be ready to say something. After a minute or so, he feels Youngjae’s arms sliding around his waist, hugging him back and feeling his breathing against his neck.
"I thought you'd never come, you asshole," Youngjae whispered softly and Jaebeom smiles relieved, feeling as if a thick brick is lifted off his chest and he can breath properly again.
“I’m so sorry baby,” he tells sinking his nose on Youngjae’s hair and the latter gently squeeze him on the hug.
"At least you came," Youngjae’s voice sounds croaked and broken, as evidence that all he did last night is cry.
"Forgive me, Jae! I'm sorry about what I said and I'm sorry I got us into this situation in the first place. It was all my fault." Jaebeom's voice is calming and sweet.
"Of course it was your fault," Youngjae complains, making a childish pout and his boyfriend smiles again. This pouting Youngjae means he’s been forgiven or almost there at least.
"And what will happen now?" the older asks after a while, getting serious.
Youngjae pushes him away and looks at his hands in his lap. "I've been thinking about it."
"Yeah?"
"What about adoption? We can let the baby be with someone who will love him a lot and is going to give him everything it deserves!" Youngjae looks up at Jaebeom’s eyes.
"That’s an option," Jaebeom smiles softly, caressing his boyfriend's hair gently, "If that’s what you really want to do, we can do some research on the topic."
Youngjae nods and looks down again, "What if I want the baby to stay?" he whispers fearfully.
Jaebeom sighs, he knows that’s what Youngjae truly wants and maybe he wants that too, he takes Youngjae’s face in his hands and forces him to look at his eyes, "Then we’ll take good care of them. It will be difficult at first but we’ll do it fine."
"Would you really agree?!" The younger exclaims, he wasn’t expecting that answer.
"If we’re together we can do anything, right?" Jaebeom replies with something he told him back in high school, at the early stages of their relationship.
Youngjae hugs him and Jaebeom feels him smile so he smiles too, "We can… think about it some more and see how it’s going for us..." Youngjae suggests with his face hidden in the other’s neck and Jaebeom nods, "You don’t smell like the citrus soap anymore."
"Well, that one make you feel sick so I bought a new one. Why? Don’t you like this either?"
"I like this one," Youngjae pulls away and Jaebeom finally can see he’s wide smile.
"I love you, Jae" Jaebeom approaches and kisses Youngjae’s nose slightly, "I love you so much," he repeats leaving a kiss on the corner of his mouth this time.
"Yeah, I know" YoungJae laughed, kissing his lips, "I love you too."
Jaebeom hugs him, and suddenly he feels how much he missed Youngjae even when they were apart just single day. They kiss slowly and Jaebeom’s about to push him into the bed when they heard Jinyoung’s voice yelling.
"Don’t think of doing anything dirty on my bed!"
Youngjae and Jaebeom pull away and smile at each other, a smile that soon turns into a raucous laugh. It’s not a funny situation, but laugh seems like the most natural escape both found to vent all the confused feelings they’re still feeling.
When the laughter finally it’s over and they’re controlling their breathing, Jaebeom combs Youngjae’s bangs softly, "I love you," he says again, kissing his forehead.
"Will we be fine?" Youngjae asked, hugging his waist and settling into his chest.
"Of course we’ll be," Jaebeom corresponds the embrace, "The three of us are going to be just right," he assures.