Chapter Text
The door of the apartment swing open and Alex stumbled in with a parasite clung to his lips and ripping his shirt off.
Michael had to stop mid-bite through his dinner cereal as he watched his roommate and his roommate's face-eater stumbled to his room, the door slamming behind them. Alex's laugh rang out loud enough that he could hear it and it quickly made him lose his appetite.
With a sigh, he pushed himself to his feet and put his bowl in the sink. Michael grabbed Alex's shirt off the floor and folded it, placing it on the table out of the pathetic-ness of his heart. A moan that was distinctly from Alex's body could be heard on the other side of his bedroom door and Michael took that as his cue to sit outside until the succubus left.
In high school, he and Alex had been the best of friends. They were both chronic outcasts and got detention more than a few times together freshman year which was really how they met. Well, that, and they both stood against the Loner Wall during lunch. Turns out, loners could be loners together.
By the time junior year rolled around, they were inseparable. Where one of them was, the other was sure to be close by. It was just how they were. Alex eventually built the courage to come out and Michael had no problem with it which really only made them closer. Once they knew they were going to the same college, the only logical decision was to get an apartment together.
In theory, it was great. In execution...
"I am a horrible, horrible person," Michael groaned, pulling his knees up to his chest as he held the phone to his ear.
"What did you do?" Isobel asked dryly. Michael rested his chin on his knees and let his eyes drift to the concrete floor of the balcony. It was stained with paint from when Alex had drunkenly done an art project completely naked at 3 in the morning to celebrate the end of their first semester of college.
"I didn't do anything," he told her, "I just... Can someone become homophobic over time?"
"What?"
"When Alex came out, I was fine. Happy for him, even," Michael grumbled, picking at a string on his basketball shorts, "Now every time he brings a guy over, I want to throw up."
"Michael..."
"I know, I'm a piece of shit."
The first year of college had been great. He and Alex were closer than ever, they spent every goddamn moment together. Then sophomore year rolled around and Alex started getting more comfortable with his sexuality. Which was fine.
But then nights like these happened.
Before, in high school, when Alex told him about boys, he didn't really care. He remembered being happy for him and excited for him. Now, though, he just wanted to throw up every goddamn time Alex and a new boy stumbled through the door and headed to his bedroom. He didn't know why he hated it so much, but he did. He really, really did.
"Alex went through a lot to get here. You need to be a good friend and support his hoe season," Isobel lectured. Michael sucked in a long breath, tilting his head back in irritation.
"I'm trying," Michael said, "It's just annoying. And you know we don't even study together anymore?"
"You don't have any of the same classes anymore," Isobel pointed out. Michael rolled his eyes.
"So? I feel like... I don't know what I feel like, I'm just tired of him fucking guys and running me out of my apartment," Michael grumbled.
"Oh, come on, Michael, he is not running you out of your apartment."
"You think I wanna listen to him plow some guy for an hour?"
"An hour? Jeez, that–"
"That is not what you were meant to respond to."
Isobel let out a laugh that slowly died out when Michael didn't say anything.
"Honestly, Michael, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were just mad the person he's fucking isn't you."
"What the fuck, Isobel? No. No, that is not what's happening. Why the fuck would you say that? No, I'm not fucking pining for him, he's my friend. End of," Michael told her. She laughed in response.
"Awfully defensive for a guy who definitely is not jealous," she hummed. Michael felt like his face was on fire and his stomach tied in knots.
"Shut up."
Isobel was damn near cackling. "Listen, baby brother, call me back after you've had your epiphany because that closet of yours is made of glass, okay?"
"I am n–"
"I love you, talk to Alex about how you feel and maybe things will click," she said, making a loud kissy noise before she hung up to avoid any more protesting.
Michael found himself letting his blood light on fire for what felt like an eternity, waiting for Alex to get done with his meal. The more he thought about Isobel's words, the more it pissed him off. There was no way he wanted Alex like that. He had never even kind of looked at Alex like that.
Well, there was that dream that one time... Okay, that happened more than once. But that was normal when you spent every day with someone, right? Besides, he never thought about it while he was awake. That summer they went swimming and Michael got so burnt that Alex, while at all states of undress, kept touching him just to leave handprints on his red skin, typically his bare thighs, absolutely did not count.
"Call me?" Alex's pitstop said, stealing Michael out of the train of thought that was only getting worse. Was there a reason he always remembered so much whenever they got drunk and Alex impulsively got naked?
"Um," Alex said, "Sure, maybe. Bye."
Michael slowly slid the door of the balcony more than the crack it already was, pushing himself inside so he could have a talk with Alex.
"Oh, hey, didn't know you were home," Alex said when he came in, flashing that warm smile of his. He was in nothing but his briefs which was normal enough. They'd always been comfortable around each other like that. Now, though, Michael wanted to crawl out of his skin.
"Yeah, how could you? You were a little busy fucking some strange guy," Michael said casually, a little bit more venom than was really warranted. Alex's eyebrows tugged together in confusion.
"I mean, he's not that strange. He's in my stats class," Alex said, eyeing him slightly, "What crawled up your ass?"
"Nothing, sorry," Michael said, looking away as he clenched and unclenched his fists. He focused on what Isobel said about talking to him about it being bothersome. "But, uh, can we talk?"
"What's up?" Alex asked, still staring all skeptically. Michael looked back at him.
"I don't like when you bring guys over all the time. I feel like I'm being kicked out of my own house just so you can get laid by some guy with no standards,” Michael told him. He watched hurt settle into Alex’s pretty features and he wanted to take whatever he said that caused it back, but he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to. He did want Alex to stop being so ridiculous with the people he brought over.
“No standards, huh?” Alex asked.
“Is that all you got from what I said?” Michael scoffed, shaking his head, “Look, I’m just tired of seeing you with guys, Alex.”
“You’ve made out with girls in front of me,” Alex shot back, “Like, if I remember correctly, that was half of high school. Why can’t I have fun?”
“You can, I’m not saying you can, I just don’t want to see or hear it,” Michael said. Alex stared at him for a few seconds too long all the way up until tears started brimming his eyes and he looked away.
“Yeah, okay, I’ll stop,” Alex said, quickly walking towards his room.
Before Michael could even think about what he was doing, he reached out and grabbed Alex’s arm to keep him from going to hide.
“Why are you upset? I’m just asking for you to be considerate that you don’t live alone,” Michael told him. Alex turned to face him, anger etched onto his eyebrows.
“You know what I’m hearing? I’m hearing you say that you’re fine with me being gay as long as you don’t have to see it, the same fucking bullshit homophobes say. I thought you were my friend.”
“I am your friend, doesn’t mean I wanna hear you sleeping with someone else!”
Alex scoffed, “Someone else? What do you mean, someone else? What, you’re cool with hearing me having sex as long as it’s with myself? That’s fucking weird, Guerin.”
“No!” he groaned, pulling his hands to himself and pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. Again, he was forced to think about the other part of Isobel’s statement. He could hear her voice, hear her mocking him about his stupid fucking Freudian slip. “I-I’m confused.”
Alex stayed for a long moment, giving Michael ample time to explain himself. Except he didn’t fucking know how. He didn't know anything.
"Confused about what?" Alex asked softly. Michael sucked in a deep breath as he thought about it. What was he jealous of?
"Isobel said I sounded jealous," Michael admitted. Again, silence.
Silence.
Silence.
"Jealous of what?" he asked. Michael breathed, keeping it as controlled as humanly possible. "Jealous of what, Guerin?"
“I don’t know! She just told me a few minutes ago!” Michael said, his words coming out a sheer whine. He managed to pull his hands away from his eyes just to see Alex staring at him like he was fragile. He wasn’t. Was he? “I don’t know. I just know I hate seeing you with guys and I didn’t used to hate it. I used to be happy for you. Now... I feel sick.”
Alex gulped so hard Michael could see it. Then he looked at Michael, really looked at him, fixing him with a simple look.
“Okay. I think we should both sleep on this new information and then talk about it tomorrow. You need to at least get somewhere on your own that I can work with. I can’t... I can’t, like, force you to know what you’re feeling. You need to find a way to articulate it, okay?” Alex told him. Michael nodded.
Alex took a step forward, giving him a hug goodnight before slipping back into his bedroom. Michael went to his own room, feeling more drained than ever as he crawled into bed.
He laid there for hours, tossing and turning and thinking. By the time morning came, he was exhausted even more, but he knew one thing.
He was absolutely in love with Alex Manes.