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He was laying on his side, in the darkness of his room when Zack decided to show. He had thrown the covers off as they itched something fierce. The only thing he had on were boxers. He had no clue how he got in, but that really wasn’t the issue.
The issue was the almost back-breaking shivers and aftershocks of pain from his lab visit. The phantom feel of needles piercing under skin, and the slimy stare of Hojo pressing into him. The alien feel of some new substance, thicker than blood, being forced into him. Every touch seeking to hurt him. The helplessness of being strapped down and bones broken over and over and over again. Just to see how fast they’d mend. Touching meant hurt .
Zack edged the door open, and a sliver of yellow light slid onto the wall. “Hey.” His voice was quiet, very different from his excitable jabbering that seemed to go a mile an hour at times. “I haven’t seen you all day, so I figured you’d have a rough day.” He paused and getting no response from Sephiroth, continued.
“I brought some food, nothing heavy, and if you feel up to it I’ll grab it from the kitchen.”
Sephiroth wasn’t all together too sure if he could string something together coherently, but he tried nonetheless. “Thank you… I’ll-“ a shaking shiver crawled up his spine. He didn’t like feeling watched, even if Zack didn’t feel oppressive in the slightest. He turned on the bed to face him. “I’ll get the food myself.”
He moved to get up, but as soon as he did Zack rushed to lay him back down. Concern. He knew Zack cared, but he certainly didn’t look bad enough to be babied. At least he hoped he didn’t. Pity was the last thing he wanted.
“Woah there, big guy. I can take one for the team and play nursemaid for now. It’s really no biggie.” Zack still had a hand on his shoulder, moving his thumb back and forth, unconsciously and feather-light. It felt a little funny. He didn’t seem to find an issue with prolonged contact, but Sephiroth did. It was jarring. Every time Zack deigned to touch him, it was always without pain. Aside from sparring of course.
“You do not have to, I assure you I can take care of myself.” Sephiroth narrowed his eyes, but the effect was ruined when another shiver worked its way through his spine. His back curled in on itself, even though he fought the feeling. “Plus, I doubt you got me any food I would eat.”
“Aw, you wound me O’ Great One. I notice your eating habits, you weirdo. It’s hard not to. You’re the only one I know who’s vegan.” Zack put a very put upon sigh at that and slumped back, taking his hand with him. Sephiroth found he… missed it as soon as the feather-light touch was gone. But, as he slumped, the sliver of light from the kitchen managed to hit him in the eyes. Sending a wave of pain that lanced through his cranium. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He must’ve made an audible noise because Zack immediately stopped with his bemoaning of how rude Sephiroth was not to think he didn’t notice how eclectic he is. He stood back up and blocked the light, thankfully. He moved back to holding his shoulder too, doing the same feather-light touch. It gave him something to focus on rather than the stabbing pain.
“Hey, I’ll go get you the fancy salad I bought, which was stupid expensive by the way, and I’ll turn close the door.” Zack then removed his hand and made sure to stay in the way of the light. How thoughtful. He did the same coming back and left the door only open a crack. Only the soft glow coming from it.
“I’ll make sure you get a raise, just to be my errand boy.” He replied dryly.
“That’s too kind, truly, you make my heart sing.” He handed Sephiroth a fork and his salad and didn’t ask before sitting on the edge of his bed. He’d also set a glass of water on his nightstand. No pain medication though, unfortunately over the counter pills didn’t do much for him.
Holding the fork, he noticed his hands had a minute tremor running through them. He huffed and frowned. How annoying…
Zack scooted up to sit beside him and took Sephiroths’ hair into his hands. While Sephiroth took a bite, he began to speak.
“You know you can tell me to stop at any time if you’re uncomfortable, right?” Zack looked concerned, which wasn’t odd for him. But just… it was directed towards himself of all people. Earnest care in his comfort of all things. He can’t really remember the last time someone had told him he could say stop. And that they would. His throat worked around something not really there, just a little tighter than normal.
“Of course, you’re lucky you still have your hands.” He fired back. It had no heat though, and Zack knew it too. So he continued.
Sephiroth was a little afraid to finish eating, he didn’t want Zack to stop. It felt nice to be cared for. Nice for it to have no motive other than a want to care for someone else.
Zack had started finger combing through his hair, working from bottom to top. Though as he reached the top he frowned, he’d have to reach all the way around Sephiroth to comfortably reach the rest of the head.
“Scooch forward, I’m still nursemaid as you haven’t kicked me out yet.”
He hadn’t realized he finished his salad, and Zack quickly took it from his hands and set it on the nightstand.
“I still can, you know.” He scooted forward anyways.
“But you won’t.” Zack huffed a little laugh. He positioned himself behind Sephiroth and took his hair in his hands again. He started all over with his finger combing, going from bottom to top and back again.
Sephiroth was a little surprised that his presence didn’t make him want to crawl out of his skin. As obtrusive and boisterous as he liked to be, his skin didn’t feel to be on fire when Zack brushed it to move his hair. He kept going bottom to top and began to section off into 3. He started to braid it, and as soon as he’d reach his scalp he’d start all over again. Loosely braiding and unbraiding.
His tingling tremors had stopped. And all that was left was the aching phantom pains of needles and minute tremors in the fingers that were broken over and over again. He hadn’t realized he’d focused so heavily on the feel of his hair being played with that he’d zoned out Zack's voice.
It was a low murmur, as he just rambled incessantly about where he’d learned to braid. Apparently, his father couldn’t braid so his mother forced him to learn. Said something about how his mom just liked the feel of it but couldn’t braid her own hair. So, she made Zack do it for her.
“You know, I’ve never had a mother to force me to do things like that.” He said in the lull of his story.
“You could always requisition me to be your hairdresser.” Zack joked back, even though it was obvious he wouldn’t mind if he did. He said as much.
“I’ll take your career change into consideration,” Sephiroth replied tiredly. He didn’t think he’d sleep though. The sensations of needles and bone splinters and a new host of memories from today’s lab session would make sure any sleep would be at best fitful and at worst terror-inducing. Nonetheless, he leaned back into Zack.
He knew it was… surprising of him. Zack probably thought he tolerated his touching. Nothing more nothing less. Zack gathered his hair and tossed it over his shoulder, and leaned back onto the headboard a little more.
Zack had now launched into another sordid tale of some new cadets that had brutally fucked up their training. Telling him it was only a little amusing but really just embarrassing. Told him that he cringed in sympathy and all. Then began to drone on about some other thing that had happened during the week.
Whilst he spun his stories, his hands now bereft of gloves, lightly traced down his arms. Sephiroth's throat felt tight again. Like breathing was a chore. His nose stung too. Why was he getting upset at this of all things? He’d never felt like this during routine lab examinations. He’d always disassociate, only to come back once he was safely in his apartment.
He felt laughably weak, upset that something as inane as this made me choke up.
Zack set his head atop Sephiroth’s and started humming. It was a quiet thing that certainly didn’t fill the whole room, but it was something to focus on. Sephiroth wished he had half of what Zack had. His charisma and easy way of almost seeming to know what people needed before they knew themselves. He maybe envied him a little. Zack seemed to understand people on a level that he could never hope to achieve, he drew people in.
His fingers kept going up and down, up and down. It seemed to quell the feel of needles pressing in. It was nice. He kept doing it long after too, the same rhythmic slide of his hands and the lilting hum to go along with it. It felt nice. The feel of his humming both in his chest and on his head. The solid feel that was Zack. Here.
He didn’t stop, but he did stop humming for a moment.
“Yo, it’s getting real late and I just wanna know if you want me to skidaddle. If not I’ll steal your pants n’ get comfy.” He went back to humming, waiting for an answer. Though, Sephiroth had a hard time deciding if he wanted to be left alone or not. On one hand, he had never needed anyone before, and feeling codependent upon someone made him want to retch. On the other, the comfort afforded and the utter want to be selfish for a change tugged at him stronger. He wanted to just have something for himself. He could do that. No cameras, no evidence of his selfishness. Yeah. Just for now.
“You can stay.” He hoped his voice didn’t sound as rough as he thought. “But you’re not keeping my pants when you leave tomorrow.”
“Okie dokie pokie. Now move you big bitch, I need to get comfy.”
Sephiroth moved forward and swat at Zack when he got up.
“You’re the bigger bitch.”
Zack made a noise somewhere between a guffaw and a cough.
“Rude!”
“You started it.” Sephiroth turned on his side and lay down, but never moved for the sheets.
He heard Zack root around and finally find a pair of pants that suited his liking. Not a moment sooner he laid down behind Sephiroth. He took a pillow and set it up under his head to lean on. Still with somewhat of an upright head, he asked, “Is this okay?”
Sephiroth immediately swatted back and lightly slapped him on the side. “If I didn’t want you here, you’d already be gone.”
That was enough for Zack and settled a bit. He scooted a little closer and started running his hand up Sephiroth’s’ side. Lightly going over from the top of his ribs and down to right above his hip. After a while from going top to bottom, he started pressing lightly between each rib. Then he just traced aimless designs on the space between his hip and his floating ribs. Never anything concrete, just aimless squiggles that made goosebumps shiver onto Sephiroth's skin.
He kept aimlessly moving and started tracing with the blunt ends of his fingernails. Making more goosebumps appear. Eventually, when goosebumps stopped appearing, he moved inwards. Tracing aimless shapes onto the skin of his stomach. He went from the obliques inwards and traced the planes of his muscles. Sephiroth twitched and nearly grabbed his hand the first time he did. Startled badly. Zack started humming again not too long afterward. And later he began to speak.
“My mom used to do this kinda stuff when I couldn’t sleep. She’d trace doodles onto my sides until I felt tired enough to close my eyes. I miss it.” Shortly after explaining, he went back to humming. Sephiroth was not expected to give anything back. What an odd quirk. To not want anything in return. For not wanting recompense for staying up well past curfew because Sephiroth had a bad day in the labs.
Zack's arm sat heavily on his side and absently traced on the far side of his stomach. Doing the same of what he did on the other. Tracing from the obliques inwards or at least, what he could reach. Zack also employed the use of his almost pinned hand and traced what he could on his back. Lightly trailing circles between his shoulders and up to his neck. Slowly going back up and down. It made his skin shiver. Not terrible in the least.
It made him yearn for what he couldn’t have. A childhood with a loving mother who’d do what Zack was doing now. Humming softly and tracing patterns into his skin for the sole purpose of comfort. Nothing more nothing less. He longed for the memories of a mother who would’ve loved him unconditionally. He supposed Zack was something of that. Loving unconditionally.
“Move your head, I’m gonna put my arm under.” Zack murmured, he sounded tired. Sephiroth moved, and Zack shifted. He laid back down on Zacks’ arm.
“You know you can sleep?” Sephiroth inquired, “I am not forcing you into vigil.”
“I said, let me play nursemaid. Plus I like touching you. It’s really no biggie.”
Zack liked touching him? He supposed it was a stupid question as he’s still touching him and tracing and had been doing so all night. But hearing confirmation of it made it feel more concrete. More true. Almost tangible rather than an abstract idea.
“Oh.” Sephiroth didn’t really know what to say to that.
Zack got closer to him and shifted his head a bit. Now he was comfortably able to wrap his arm around Sephiroth and his head was at the back of his neck. He started humming again. A different tune he hasn’t heard thus far.
With his arm able to wrap around, he had more reach. He began to trace the space between his pectorals and traced what he could reach of his collar bone. He used his fingertips and traced the divot at the base of his neck, and ran down and back up again.
Sephiroth's unoccupied hands slowly edged up to the hand under his head. The tremors were still there, and most likely would be gone by morning, but they were still annoying.
He grabbed Zacks’ hand and tentatively traced the tendons and felt the bones in his hands. Memorizing the feel of it.
Zack just gave and gave and gave. He expected nothing in return. He clutched at his hand a little harder.
The humming at his back and the tracing all fell to a fuzzy feel and he closed his eyes. His nightmares didn’t come.