Chapter Text
Cold.
The floor tiles under his naked feet were cold. Hands clutching desperately onto the brink of the sink. This caused the knuckles turning white. Whiter than his pale skin, which was sticky because of sweat.
The dark hair hung over his forehead and covered almost his eyes. Being tensed he stared at the strip, which kept slipping deeper into the sink.
His heart was beating incredibly fast, making him shiver and cramp. It was hardly to describe how overwhelming the sensation was.
It was a mess containing fear, anger, desperateness and disappointment. He was afraid of realizing the situation and having to face the consequences.
He gulped heavily and noticed how the first tears were burning in his eyes.
No, crying was horrible. Crying would make everything real. He could not live on normally. Then everything beautiful which he had built up would be over. His hobbies, his reputation, fucking everything.
The thought alone was destructive and ate up his brain internally, causing a headache. A cruel headache which would devour him like parasites.
His eyes were opened widely out of shock and sweat beads streamed slowly down over the side of his forehead, moving on to his cheeks until they reached his jawline. Carefully he wiped them away and closed his eyes.
Cold.
It was so cold.
He exhaled once more, while he was trembling, and grabbed after the cursed stripe. It had been a stupid idea to think that he could just buy this test, being in the drug store already.
He had been thinking that he knew the result. Or that he had at least a clear tendency, which was acknowledged by everybody. Everybody believed to know who he was.
But how could they say so if Chan himself was not sure?
"Oh, of course you're an Alpha!"
"Everybody knows who you are. You've proven it many times!"
"You do have the qualities of an Alpha, no doubt!"
And now Chan stood here, holding the test which he had used for his visit on the toilet. A tiny but meaningful stripe, confirming that he and everybody else around him were wrong.
There were three different colours which could be shown on the stripe.
Red for an Alpha.
Green for a Beta.
And blue for an Omega.
Out of anger Chan knocked over the trash can and was about to scrunch up the test. But the information, which he was holding, was too important. Tossing it away would not change anything.
The blue stripe could not be deleted. Even if Chan was not looking at it anymore it would still be present.
He leaned against the door and began to sob before gliding down to the floor. He pulled in his legs and hid his face between his knees, still gripping the paper between index and middle finger, while sensing the cold within every inch of his body.
His life which he had been knowing until now was officially over. Because of feeling his upcoming switching moods he was sure about his hormones crashing his whole system. It would not take long until he had his tattoo. With his ill-luck it would appear on an obvious spot like his hand or neck.
If this happened he would be ready to throw himself out of the window.
"Fuck, okay, calm down." His voice echoed from the walls back, hounding goosebumps along his arms.
He stood up and got rid of his T-Shirt. Perhaps a bath would be a good idea to calm his nerves. Although he could not wash his worries away. Nevertheless, every little bit of his body was tense. He needed to order his thoughts.
Chan took off his clothes fully and eyed his body in the mirror.
Did an Omega look like that?
Omegas were built fragile and tender. Chan was maybe slim but he was still defined and most importantly strong and robust for his age. There was no chance that he …
He shivered under this thought and crossed his arms, bending slightly forward. Suddenly it was horrible to look at himself. He was believing to discover more and more flaws.
Flaws which caused him to not be an Alpha in the end.
Softly sniffing he wiped his last tears away and began to let in some water into the tub.
Luckily he was alone. Therefore, nobody had witnessed his outburst. Furthermore, he had some time to drown and suffocate himself into self-pity for not being the person which people expected him to be.
Slowly Chan sank into the hot water, hissing but still loosening up a little bit. He leaned his head on the brink and stared at the ceiling.
What would happen? What would change? What could he do?
He closed his eyes and frowned. Maybe he could stay silent about his second gender the rest of his life. No matter what role he was forced into: Chan was committed to fight for what was important to him.
But it would be more difficult if everybody saw him with different eyes out of nowhere. It would be unbearable.
“I don’t want to”, he whispered and sat up. Leisurely he washed his body while staring at the water.
He had not put soap into it, therefore, a reflection was looking back at him. It was blurry, exactly how he was feeling.
Fuzzy, false, full of flaws.
While observing his mirror image he felt his frustration growing, knotting itself to a huge block within his body.
At this moment Chan promised himself something. He promised himself that nobody could ever know about this secret.
His eyes formed to slits.
“Well, now it is just you and me.”