Chapter Text
“Just breathe,” Thor tells him, keeping his arm around Loki as he glances up at the sky once more. He has been calling out Heimdall’s name several times in the last couple of minutes. There has been no response, no sign of the bridge waiting to take them back home. He has spent only a short moment wondering what has happened up there, and what they will find when they get to come back. That is all he can afford.
“Just breathe,” he tells him again, looking back down at his brother. Even though his face is ashen, and his expression pained, Loki still manages to throw him an annoyed glare.
“What do you think I am doing, you oaf?” he tries to snap at him, but it is a weak sound, not carrying the usual bite of his insults, and Thor easily ignores it.
“He is not answering,” Loki goes on to say, tilting his head back a bit. “By the time he does, I fear it may be…” He interrupts himself by letting out a low, painful groan, and Thor immediately puts a hand against his brother’s neck, brushing his thumb against his jaw to soothe him.
“Don’t,” he tells him. “Don’t say that.” He cannot bear to hear what they both know is the truth. The damage that has been done to Loki is far too great. He is still bleeding, despite Thor having put pressure on the wound as soon as he had kneeled down next to him, and it is likely he will not make it much longer without help.
“Heimdall!” Thor calls again, but there is no answer. He can feel Loki’s body beginning to tremble in his arms, and he quickly turns his eyes back to him, tilting his head to the side as he tries to hold back the tears that have been threatening to fall for some time now.
“You fool,” he says, knowing he cannot keep it to himself any longer. He simply has to tell Loki what he has been thinking ever since he first caught sight of him when he was still in the midst of battle.
“Why did you come? I told you… I said that it would be dangerous, you shouldn’t have…” Closing his eyes, he almost misses the way Loki shakes his head at him, as if he doesn’t want to hear it.
Thor knows he should not blame Loki for this. It is not his fault. He only came to help. Thor probably would have gotten hurt if Loki had not been here, but that is a price he would have been willing to pay. If there was anything he could have done to switch places with his brother, he would have done it. No matter the cost.
”Thor,” Loki whispers, his voice broken, yet there is a deep urgency to it that makes Thor open his eyes once more. “Thor.”
Holding his breath, Thor waits for his brother to continue. He suspects that perhaps he will tell him that he is sorry for following him, and that he should have stayed at home. Perhaps he will tell him that he loves him, or ask him to please do something to save him.
None of those things come out of Loki’s mouth.
Instead, Thor feels Loki’s hand against his own, and he glances down when he feels him pulling at it. He furrows his brow, but allows Loki to move his hand, looking at his face as he waits for some kind of explanation.
“Thor,” Loki says again, obviously trying to make him understand something. Shaking his head, Thor turns his eyes back down, wondering what it is that Loki wants from him.
That is when he realizes that Loki has moved his hand to his own stomach.
Thor stares, his mind working frantically to understand what Loki is trying to tell him, while at the same time wishing that the answer would not come to him.
Loki lets out another sob as Thor continues to stare. He shakes his head, doesn’t want to understand, doesn’t want to even consider the option.
“I was going to tell you,” Loki whispers, and Thor looks back at him once more, his vision clouded by the tears in his eyes. “I was waiting for the right…” He pauses and clenches his eyes shut for a couple of seconds, his hand shaking against Thor’s bigger one. “The right time.”
Thor does not know what to say. He has often wondered how he would react if Loki were to ever bring him such news. In his head, he would always laugh and wrap Loki in his arms, spinning him around before kneeling down so that he could press his ear against his stomach. Loki would roll his eyes at him, tell him that he was an oaf before pulling him back up again so that they could share a kiss.
His fantasy has been shattered in a matter of seconds.
He feels lost. Broken. Suddenly, he is not only losing Loki, and the thought makes his breath hitch in his throat.
“No,” he begs, shaking his head as he leans down and presses their foreheads together.
“I am sorry,” Loki says, and Thor brings his hand back up to the side of his neck, clasping it tightly as though he is trying to hold him still, trying to hold him in place even though he can feel him slipping away.
“Don’t be. Please.” He cannot stand to hear those words. He knows that he should say something else, should let his brother know that everything will be alright, but he says nothing, his shoulders shaking as sobs force their way out of his mouth.
He can feel Loki holding onto his shoulder, his nails trying to dig their way through his armor. Thor knows that he is just as desperate, that Loki doesn’t want to leave him, and he wishes that there was something he could do. Anything. Over the years he has slowly come to realize that there are some things even the God of Thunder cannot do. He has never wanted that to be a lie as much as he does now.
Loki’s hand is slipping from his shoulder, and Thor opens his eyes, his heart sinking when he realizes that Loki’s are closed.
“Loki?”
Nothing.
“Loki?” He pulls back a little bit, glances down at Loki’s side where the blood is dripping slowly down his armor. “Loki?”
Thor grabs his brother’s shoulders, shaking him roughly as he tries to ignore the growing panic inside of him. Loki makes a pained noise, and Thor’s heart nearly stops.
“Look at me,” he tells him. “Just breathe, okay?”
Slowly, Loki opens his eyes. At once, Thor almost wishes he hadn’t. He thinks he can see Loki’s life leaving him, thinks he can see it being washed away, and it is almost too painful too look at.
“I…” Loki tries to speak, tries to make that final push of strength to let his brother know exactly how he feels, but Thor shakes his head. He doesn’t need Loki to say it. He already knows.
“It’s alright, Loki.” Thor gives him a weak smile. “I know.”
Loki nods his head only once. It seems as though that was the very thing he needed to hear, the very last thing he was waiting for. He keeps his eyes on Thor, and Thor has no choice but to return his gaze. He is holding Loki’s hand so tightly he is sure it must be hurting him, but there is no sign of it on his brother’s face. There is only those green eyes staring into his for the last time.
The moment the light has left his brother’s eyes, Thor no longer needs to hold himself back. He quickly gathers him in his arms and weeps, his whole body shaking as he holds him.
“I love you,” he whispers over and over in between sobs, until his throat is raw and his voice has all but left him.
When the sky finally opens again after what must be several hours, Thor takes his time to carefully remove his own cape and wrap it around Loki’s cold body. Pressing a kiss to his forehead, he brushes his fingers against his cheek before lifting him into his arms. He stands up on somewhat shaky legs, and waits a moment before taking a deep breath and turning around, slowly carrying Loki over to the Bifrost to take him back home.