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2020-04-26
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Break apart my heart

Summary:

Kate takes well to parenthood. Derek does not. This is just another secret Derek is going to have to take to his grave.

Notes:

It's quarantine time and I'm going through all my fics to see what is complete, and just posting it because yolo. This fic was literally complete in 2013, so I'm not sure why I never posted it.

I wrote this in 2013 at 3am after watching a youtube video of a London Panel of Tyler Posey, Jill, and Dylan. I just thought Jill and Dylan had the same sense of humor and thought, "Hmm, they could be related. They both speak the same eyebrow language."

In 2013 I decided the title, and I'm too tired to come up with a better one. It's is from the song “Heartilation” by Andrew Jackson Jihad. I considered the title from the song “Danger! High Voltage” by Electric Six. If Kate or Stiles were titling the fic, they would pick “Danger! High Voltage,” but Derek would pick “Heartilation.”

The fic starts as Kate POV, and then switches to Derek POV.

Work Text:

Kate Argent has never claimed to be a good person. She will accept the words smart, cunning, and ruthless to describe her. Not everyone can successfully seduce a teenage boy and burn down his entire family without feeling any remorse. She can. It’s a gift.

Even when she found out she was pregnant with Derek Hale’s kid, she didn’t stop and think about abortion. She did, however, think about how strategic it would be to raise that child—or to at least keep it alive long enough—in order to see how a werewolf might develop. There were lots of possibilities that that entailed. Because while the bestiary knew exactly how much electricity it took to incapacitate a werewolf without killing it, there was literally nothing on werewolf children.

Throughout Kate’s pregnancy, she took prenatal vitamins, went to ultrasounds regularly, and tracked her unborn child’s development. It was all very clinical to her, and she found it easy to dissociate herself. Rather than thinking of the fetus as a child she might grow to love, she thought of it as a project to experiment upon.

When her child was born, Kate smiled at the nurses, held her son in her arms, even let him breastfeed—there was no point in starving the child because really, even dogs needed their daily meals. But when she took her son home and tested a ring of mountain ash around him and found that he could easily pass through it, well, she was more than a little surprised.

She checked everything she could find on werewolf children in her bestiary, which again, was next to nothing. After various tests, all signs pointed to her son being a healthy, normal human being.

Kate remembered blinking at her son as he laid in his crib, tiny feet kicking out, little bandages applied where she pricked him for blood and found that the wounds didn’t heal at accelerated rates. When he cooed, Kate smiled wickedly. Her son was entirely human. Seducing Derek Hale had been remarkably easy, but there was some pride in knowing that she had produced a human despite having sex with a member of one of the oldest recorded werewolf families.

That fact probably saved her son from countless acts of child abuse. Kate couldn’t be more proud of her heritage, and she saw her child as a living, breathing trophy of Argent triumph over supernatural creatures.

Kate spoiled her son rotten, letting him get away with nearly anything. And in all honesty, as long as he was as discrete as possible, he didn’t get in trouble. Rather than reprimanding him for his bad behavior, she focused on his lack of stealth.

While her brother never thought it was the best parenting method, Kate thought it was fine parenting. “If you don’t want to get in trouble, don’t get caught” easily became her son’s favorite motto, instilled in him by Kate. She couldn’t even reprimand him when she overheard Stiles—the nickname he picked out when he was three—repeat it to Allison when he was only five years old. Kate pretended to be oblivious to this conversation, having to cover her face to hide her smile when she saw Allison nod in agreement to Stiles’ words.

Kate was almost always one of the youngest parents at every back to school night. And even if she wasn’t, she looked young. Her charm was readily called upon on numerous occasions. Kate couldn’t count the number of times she flirted with Stiles’ teachers into letting him out of detention or easing a suspension. It was fun watching the teachers—both male and female alike—stutter to a stop about how awful Stiles’ behavior was. Which was good, because Kate would burn them all to the ground rather than listen to them go on about Stiles’ so-called ‘flaws.’

Stiles had been extremely difficult to handle when he was a toddler, constantly running around and getting into scary levels of danger, but his ADHD was just another piece of evidence that he was human. It wasn’t a flaw. Being a werewolf was a flaw. Having a neurological issue was human.

She reiterated these same beliefs to Stiles constantly. She never tiptoed around about anything. Stiles knew about the existence of werewolves from the first time he ever opened up Kate’s trunk full of hunter gear and started touching everything—the guns, the crossbows, the bullets. He had probably been about four years old. But she had made him swear it to secrecy, made him promise that it would be their secret, because she had to protect people from the monsters. Stiles had been obsessed with Batman at the time, and she had phrased it specifically like that for a reason. She had planned on telling him about hunters when he was older, but she always thought it worked out fine. A little skewing the truth to ensure loyalty wasn’t a crime.

But while Kate was blunt with most everything, the only thing she never talked about was Stiles’ biological father.

She also never told him about the truth about the Hale fire, but she did tell him on multiple occasions that the Hales were werewolves, and maybe, just maybe, someone knew better than to just wait around and watch them turn into the monsters that they were. She used to tuck Stiles into bed at night and tell him about the Hale fire like other parents might tell their kids about Little Red Riding Hood or Goldilocks. Werewolves were always the enemy in every bedtime story, and the hunters always saved the day.

But even without knowing who his dad was, Stiles was fine. Anyone with eyes could see that Stiles loved his mom. Kate didn’t need a husband to discuss the birds and the bees with Stiles; they always talked about everything—sex wasn’t any different. Stiles would make jokes about his mom’s one night stands.

When they were in public, Kate and Stiles would whisper to each other and mock the surrounding people. People would ask if Kate and Stiles were siblings, and Kate would laugh and ask if it really looked like she was his older sister. But their resemblance was uncanny. Stiles sometimes made a face that was clearly Derek, but it was so quick that only if you were looking for it would you see it. Only Chris seemed to squint at Stiles with a look of possibly understanding a hard math equation before shaking his head and giving up on figuring out the answer.

The most important thing, in Kate’s opinion, was that she taught Stiles how to not back down from a fight, using all his assets to win.

In the back of Kate’s head, there was always a constant nagging feeling of how poetic it would be if her son ended up killing Derek Hale.

Kate never spent her time trying to hunt Derek down when she found out she was pregnant. She did, however, do her best to emotionally break him. After a week of Kate’s discovery of her son being completely human, she tracked down Derek’s email.

Occasionally she would email Derek photos of Stiles and a few sentences to go along with it. The photos would all vary, but they would all be sent to emphasize a point: Derek’s son was an Argent through and through. She tried to be semi-regular, but emotionally breaking Derek seemed best at intermittent intervals anyways.

She sent various photos and videos through the years. Once she had sent a video where Stiles was learning to walk while Kate urged Stiles on by saying things like “walk to mommy!” Her favorite photo was when Stiles was four, missing a front tooth and smiling at the camera, hugging Kate tight around her neck while she carried him around during his birthday party. She had been living with her brother and his family at the time, and Chris and Victoria had videotaped a good portion of it. Kate had sent the video along as well.

The picture she hoped to prove Stiles’ humanity in case Derek was ever under the belief that Stiles was a werewolf was of Stiles at age seven sporting a cast when he broke his arm after falling off the monkey bars. Stiles had been petulant during the whole thing, but Kate had only smiled and petted his hair when he complained about how long it would take before the cast could come off.

She had also sent a few that tracked Stiles’ progress toward being a hunter. She made sure to send a picture when Stiles was eleven, with Allison teaching Stiles how to string a bow. Another picture of Stiles at the gun range when he was thirteen holding up his target paper showing perfect aim had been sent as well.

And because Kate had always been about using charm as her main weapon before pulling out the heavy artillery, she made sure to instill in Stiles the power of manipulative charm in order to get his way. Maybe she had just been conditioned by her family, but honey always seemed to attract more flies than vinegar.

And while the Argent family was supposed to be headed by a matriarch, Gerard, a male, was leading it. The task should’ve fallen to Victoria after Kate’s mother died, and when Victoria and Chris decided to give up hunting, it should’ve fallen to Kate. But Gerard had questioned Kate’s ability to lead, arguing that she was husbandless and had a child, two things that would impair her ability. If Kate hadn’t sassed Gerard, remarking that her mother was probably rolling over in the grave at the thought of a male leading the Argent clan, she might’ve had a better chance at winning her argument.

That had pushed Kate farther away from ever being able to lead the Argents. She could hunt, but she wasn’t going to get a chance to lead while Gerard was alive. Kate couldn’t tell if Stiles would grow up and fit into the hunter’s heterosexual normative society that the Argent family had created, but she could decide that if the hunters were going to shirk years of tradition by suddenly making men in charge, Stiles would be perfectly groomed to take over.

In all honesty, Kate would’ve loved for Allison to take over, but in her opinion, Chris was too soft, and Allison was too sheltered. If Kate could teach Allison how to be a proper hunter, be ruthless, be unrelenting, she would take that opportunity, but she was never able to fully tap into that potential.

These were the things Kate thought of while Peter asked her to apologize for murdering the Hale family. It was why her apology could never be sincere. Because Kate wasn’t sorry one bit for murdering the Hales and getting her perfect, human son.

---

The first time Derek found Stiles and Scott walking around on his property, he was actually half expecting Kate Argent. However, it isn’t any less of a shock to see Kate’s eyes stare back at him, Kate’s nose, Kate’s lips, Kate’s expressions all mixed with Derek’s attributes. When Stiles curled inward slightly, he looked surprisingly a lot like Derek did at sixteen. It was…alarmingly.

It wasn’t terrifying or shocking to see his own son in person for the first time, but it was unsettling. Especially the way Stiles’ eyes widened before quickly honing in and turning toward Scott, whispering that that was Derek Hale.

---

Despite Derek changing his email address numerous amounts of time, he always checked the first one he ever made, sifting through junk mail for a message from Kate. The first time Kate had ever sent Derek an email after the fire, it was only of a smiling baby who had multiple band aids on his feet. The shock of seeing a baby that Kate claimed belong to him quickly wore off into panic that Kate would do something dangerous to their child. At first, Derek had been tempted to tell Laura the truth and run off and save his son, but he never worked up the courage to do it. And the following pictures all seemed to suggest that his son was fine, especially when Kate mentioned how human he was.

Derek spent countless nights awake worrying about Kate and their child. He could never be sure how his son was being raised. Did he hate werewolves? Did he know how to kill one? Did he even know that werewolves existed? Did he think his dad was some deadbeat? Did he know what Kate had done? Did he know his mother was a murderer?

That fact that his son was human only slightly put Derek at ease. He couldn’t abandon Laura to go track down Kate and rescue his kid, and even if he did, he had no idea what he would’ve done with a baby. He didn’t have a steady paying job or a car or a crib. At least Kate seemed to be equipped with everything, even if she was apparently letting Stiles wobble around near sharp corners and get into danger that could cause broken bones.

But Derek did wonder what kind of parenting Kate Argent had been prone to, because while Stiles looked like Derek and smelled like pack, it didn’t mean that Stiles could be trusted. Stiles was Kate’s son, and that was a reminder in itself to be careful around him. Stiles was raised as an Argent, not a Hale.

If anything, it encouraged Derek to push Stiles away and simultaneously attempt to bring Scott closer in order to teach him how to be a werewolf. That attempt failed drastically. Scott refused to stop being friends with Stiles, citing that Scott and Stiles had been best friends since forever, even though Stiles’ mom liked to travel a lot when Stiles was younger, meaning Stiles ended up being gone from Beacon Hills months at a time. And Stiles was helping Scott become a werewolf, using information from bestiaries to make sure Scott didn’t lose control.

Derek couldn’t decide if he was more proud or shocked that Stiles was helping Scott rather than running straight to Kate Argent and asking for help to commit murder.

But instead of having a huge heart-to-heart, Derek didn’t bother to mention about being Stiles’ biological dad. Even when Derek hid in Stiles’ room in Chris Argent’s house after Scott claimed Derek was the serial killer, Derek didn’t bring it up. Stiles laughed at the irony of Derek hiding in a hunter’s house, but he also told Derek that he knew about twenty different ways to kill a werewolf, and if Derek still felt like pushing him around, he could call his mom or his aunt or his uncle.

But even if Derek didn’t want to trust Stiles, he trusted Stiles more than he trusted Allison, simply for the fact that Stiles was blood. When Derek looked at Allison, he saw Kate. When Derek looked at Stiles, he also saw Kate, but then he saw himself as well. He saw Peter, Cora, even Laura.

It’s what Derek kept telling himself when he couldn’t figure out why he was seeking out Stiles instead of Scott to save him time after time. And then he told himself that Stiles would clearly know all about where Kate kept her bullets and would be able to instruct Scott on where to find them.

Derek blamed his paternal instincts for trying to protect Stiles. Stiles’ Kate-ness was what pushed Derek away. But no matter what, Derek protected Stiles because it was instinctual to want to protect family.

Peter was able to put the puzzle pieces together. Peter saw Derek grow up. He knew what Derek looked like when Derek was younger, and Stiles looked just like a young Hale. Peter, however, didn’t care to mention this except to Derek. Peter almost bit Stiles, wanted to bring a family member into his pack, but he held back.

Scott never seemed sure if he wanted to put the puzzle together. Derek was positive that it was because Stiles smelled like arousal whenever Derek was in the same room, and that was more than a little worrisome. But even after Stiles harboring him, he couldn’t just flat out say “I’m your dad.”

But after Kate died, after Stiles arrived just in time to set Peter on fire with a Molotov cocktail, Derek thought that perhaps it was time to accept that he was a parent. Stiles had been more than willing to acknowledge his own mom had committed arson and was a murderer, but he hadn’t been prepared to see her throat ripped out.

Stiles refused to get out of bed for the next three days. Allison endured looks from classmates, but Kate was only her aunt, not her mother. Stiles didn’t want to see a psychologist, and Allison shared this information with Scott, and Scott—who Stiles had told he was fine—told Derek in the hopes that he could fix this.

Derek didn’t see how it was his problem. Stiles wasn’t alone. He had Allison and Chris and Victoria and Scott. They could take care of him.

But Derek snuck into Stiles’ room anyways, if only to apologize for Kate’s death. When Stiles grabbed a gun as soon as he heard the window open but put it down when he saw it was only Derek, Derek was slightly relieved. Stiles’ face was blotchy and tearstained. As Derek sat down on the bed, Stiles sat up and pulled Derek into a hug. Derek let it happen, let Stiles squeeze him tighter. He closed his eyes for only a second, but that second gave Stiles the ability to do whatever he wanted.

Stiles nudged his face over and pressed a kiss against Derek’s mouth. As soon as Derek could ignore all those instincts of pack and familiarity, he shoved Stiles away and left in a huff.

After that, Derek didn’t try to discuss anything. He protected Stiles but never bothered having longwinded conversations. Even when they were in the pool trying not to drown while the kanima prowled around the perimeter, Derek was too ashamed to mention anything.

---

It wasn’t brought up again until the summer. He hadn’t forgotten how difficult it would be to broach the subject, but the alpha pack was more disconcerting.

Stiles was sitting on the couch with Derek in Derek’s loft, watching the tv that Isaac had brought over. It was only twenty minutes after Stiles and Derek were left alone, but it didn’t take long before eventually Stiles’ gaze slid slowly toward Derek, slow and methodical like Kate’s. Stiles’ eyes narrowed on Derek before quickly looking away.

Derek slinked down into the couch, feeling his hackles rising. “Stop,” Derek ordered.

Stiles hummed as if he wasn’t really sure if he wanted to. “You’re a really horrible father. I would say you’re worse than Scott’s, but Scott’s dad really is a piece of shit.”

Derek froze. “What?”

“What?” Stiles mocked, brow furrowing as if he couldn’t figure out what Derek was asking, but then he let out a snort and turned back toward the tv.

“How do you…” Derek trailed off. “How do you know?”

“I’ve known for awhile,” Stiles shrugged. He seemed nonchalant about it, as if he had never tried making out with his own father. “I hacked into my mom’s emails years ago, saw her sending photos of them to a Derek. So, that kissing session was actually more of a test.”

Derek’s eyes narrowed on Stiles. “You’d use that as a test?” Derek scoffed, wondering if he was given the worst luck in the entire world.

Stiles shrugged. “I used to pretend that my dad was like, really old. Like he had a lot of wrinkles and would’ve in no way been able to deal with my mom and me.” Stiles paused and looked up at Derek. “I was a lot to handle. But sometimes I used to think that maybe my dad was like a sheriff or something, someone important and had a really busy job and needed lots of time to relax.” Stiles scoffed and drank some soda. “That was all bullshit.”

“Sorry your mother let you believe all that,” Derek responded, bristling at the implied tone that he wasn’t what Stiles was hoping for in a parent.

Stiles boggled at him. “Dude, you let your kid make out with you. I don’t really think you have a leg to stand on,” Stiles rolled his eyes. “But that isn’t what I was saying,” he continued quietly. “I meant that when I was little, I thought my mom and I weren’t good enough.” Stiles swirled his bottle of soda, and Derek suddenly felt all the years of guilt of never trying to contact his son. “She probably thought I was perfect because I wasn’t a werewolf. You probably think of me as a constant reminder of how exactly you lost your entire family.”

“Peter likes you,” Derek blurted out, wincing when he realized that Peter wasn’t the best person to bring up. Peter killed Stiles’ mom. But still, Peter killed Stiles’ mom and still found Stiles fascinating.

“Peter sees me as a potential serial killer who he can mold to fight for his cause. That isn’t really a ringing endorsement.” Stiles didn’t seem fazed one bit about that, which probably should’ve worried Derek.

 “I think you’re,” Derek paused, not sure what he was trying to say, “a good person.”

Stiles’ mouth twisted, and Derek braced himself from some witty remark. “Apart from trying to make out with my estranged father?”

“Apart from that,” Derek conceded.

“It’s probably hereditary,” Stiles shrugged, smirking before pushing off the couch. “But really, genetic sexual attraction is a thing.” He pressed his hands against Derek shoulders, pinning him down before climbing into his lap.

“Go home, Stiles,” Derek pleaded, even as he gripped Stiles’ waist. He wondered if he could have at least this moment before the alpha pack found time to kill him.

Stiles smiled and leaned forward, kissing him until he needed a breath. “We definitely can’t tell Scott about this.” Stiles dragged a hand through Derek’s hair as he grinded up against him.

“I won’t,” Derek promised, fully intending to take all of his secrets to the grave.