Chapter Text
The only thing honest about Bagalia was the weather.
High above the jungle of skyscrapers that made up the City of No Laws, a sky as grey as static threatened an onslaught of rain. The last four days had seen a torrential downpour that had driven all but the most stubborn of the supervillains, henchmen, and criminals that made up Bagalia's population indoors, and today looked to be no different.
Standing on a street corner near the eastern end of the city in front of an offensively neon vending machine, Taskmaster placed his hands upon his hips and glared through his mask at an empty row of what had once been cream cheese honey buns. His elaborate costume, made up of a skull-shaped helmet, trailing cloak, and blue tights, was one of the most garish to be found in the entire city -- but it WAS weatherproof. "You gotta be kiddin' me. Eric. ERIC!"
Sliding open the side door of the enormous, armored van that the pair preferred to use to discretely get around the city, Black Ant poked his head out and looked around. It was drizzling now, occasional droplets landing across the enormous, red lens of his insectoid mask, causing him to grumble and rub them away. "What?!"
"There's no cream cheese honey buns left!" Taskmaster complained, kicking the base of the machine and turning about towards the van.
"I know! It's a tragedy. What do you want me to do about it, though?"
"Get the number of the vending machine guy. I specifically requested he keep those stocked for me." Tapping the badge that read 'Sheriff' across his chest, Taskmaster opened the driver's side of the vehicle and clambered up inside, sweeping his cape up so that it wouldn't bundle under his ass. He hated that.
"Can't have someone disrespecting the Sheriff," Black Ant agreed, picking up his phone in one hand and lifting his mask with the other. No sooner had Taskmaster started the van and begun to drive, filling half of the narrow city street with the vehicle, than he heard a familiar plastic crinkling. He nearly slammed the brakes in outrage when he realized what it was: Black Ant opening and starting to eat one of the exact honey buns he'd been looking for."
"...You son of a bitch." Taskmaster narrowed his eyes as he hit the accelerator, starting off again. "You're lucky we've got a job to do, or I'd be pryin' that out of yer dead hands."
"Thity of No Lawth, Tony!" Eric replied, spitting crumbs everywhere.
--
They'd been driving for nearly half an hour before Taskmaster caught sight of their goal: an armored personnel carrier, considerably larger even than their own and with a mounted chaingun on the top, manned by a man in a ski mask. "There they are."
Fresh off his sugar binge, Black Ant tugged his mask back down, leaning forward to inspect the other vehicle over the dashboard. "Just looks like your typical gun-car for kids of all ages to me. What's the play here?"
"Easy, little buddy." Shifting into a higher gear, Tony accelerated, reaching behind him with one arm to grab his weapons belt off the back of the seat. Simple and black on the outside, the inside of the back revealed the van for what it was: one of Punisher's old Battle Vans, seized after Baron Zemo had captured the violent vigilante some months back. It had 'mysteriously' gone missing during one of Taskmaster's inventory reports since then, and he'd gotten plenty of mileage out of it ever since. "In the unique position of the Sheriff of Bagalia, a city with no laws--"
Black Ant thudded his head against the leather of his car seat. "Oh my god, not this speech again."
"--I don't enforce the stilted and limited laws of other nations, but the will of the common people! The -citizens- of this great and independent nation!" Taskmaster boasted, rolling down the driver's side window and leaning out, his trusted longbow in hand. A perfect replica of Hawkeye's, right down to the massive draw weight. Picking out an explosive arrow from his quiver, he nocked it.
"...Okay, so who's paying us to do this, then?" Eric asked, faithfully taking the wheel and crossing one leg over Taskmaster's own to hit the gas. They'd practiced this move for awhile, despite arguments about the fact it'd be easier to just let Black Ant drive. As Taskmaster had insisted - his (stolen) van, his rules. The gunner on top of the APC was looking at them now, warning them silently to back off by turning the barrel of his weapon towards them.
Ignoring it entirely, Taskmaster just waved cheerfully before ducking his head back inside as they opened fire. The bulletproof windshield of Punisher's old ride took it like a champion; he knew he had about four seconds before it finally yielded, and so he popped out just enough to take his shot. His vision rocked as the explosive arrow went off right into the other APC's tailpipe, wreathing the undercarriage in flames and sending it skidding sideways until it tipped over. Ducking back inside, making a face of mild concern at the bullet dents on the van barely an inch from where his head had been, Taskmaster replied, "Oh. Tiger Shark. Said these guys keep coming around to the docks and loading up boxes, and he can't sleep because they're using his pier."
"Nice shot," Eric complimented, "But wait -- Tiger Shark?! Isn't he, like, one of the strongest guys in Bagalia? And also a BIG FREAKING SHARK? How come he couldn't handle something like this himself?"
"Dunno, but he paid up front. Come on, let's go meet our adventurous little entrepreneurs. Looks like someone's climbing out; guess I didn't do that much damage after all." Taskmaster peered suspiciously at a man extricating himself from the capsized vehicle, pulling himself out of the passenger side window.
"Fair enough. First Deputy Black Ant on the scene!" Polishing his own badge, Eric opened his side of the van.
"Second Deputy. TESS-one was first," Taskmaster corrected.
"Robots don't count, Tony!"
"You're an LMD."
"--OKAY WELL TESS-ONE DOESN'T COUNT." Eric pointed two fingers at his own mask, then at Taskmaster, before suddenly yelping and ducking out of the way of a pressurized jet of water. It proved to be a smart call; as soon as the water hit the van behind him, it bored a hole through the armored plating like it was paper, causing both Taskmaster and Black Ant to exchange a wary look before settling into a defensive stance.
"HELLO, LOSERS!" Spreading his arms wide, the man advanced fearlessly. He was stripped to the waist, wearing only a pair of loose pants. His exposed skin, of which there was far too much for Taskmaster's liking, was a deep and vibrant blue. "You've made the mistake of intruding upon the business of my employers! It has fallen to me, Jason Waterfalls, to stop you -- and stop you I will!"
Straightening a little, Taskmaster furrowed his brow behind his mask. "Wait--"
Black Ant, sharing his confusion, lifted a finger. "--What did you say your name was?"
Deflating very slightly but still maintaining a boastful tone, the blue man jabbed a thumb at his chest. "JAAAAASON WATERFALLS! Master of the most essential element of life!"
"That's -- that's awful," Taskmaster proclaimed. "How'd you manage to come up with something even lamer than Hydro Man?"
Dropping his arms entirely, sounding exasperated, Jason glared at them both. "You idiots, it's like the song!"
"What song?" Black Ant asked sincerely.
"You know! The famous one!" Clearing his throat, breaking into song in the middle of the street, he struck a pose. "♫...DOOOON'T GO JAAAAASON WATERFALLLLS!♫" Turning his attention back to the pair, he beamed. "Get it?"
"...It's 'chasing waterfalls', you stupid asshole!" Taskmaster cried out, rapidly nocking and firing another explosive arrow. "The absolute insult to Destiny's Child!" As the arrow whizzed towards its destination, Jason simply lifted a hand, a sheet of water surging out from his body and forming a wall in front of him. It not only absorbed the explosion but provided a counter-attack, blasting Taskmaster off his feet.
"I thought that song was by TLC," Black Ant commented, looking down at him before offering him a hand up.
"Shut up. Okay, so. Dumb name, very powerful. Got it," Taskmaster sighed, forcing himself back into a standing position and making a run for the battle van.
"I'm gonna guess this guy is why Tiger Shark couldn't handle this himself," Black Ant said. "What's the game plan? Doesn't take an expert to assume that the fact it's about to rain means he's probably going to get even tougher. This isn't really what I had in mind when I said I wanted a wet and wild weekend, Tony." Both of them were put on the defensive as the opposing supervillain continued launching jets of water at them, punching more holes into the van and keeping them pinned down.
"You ever fought Hydro Man before?" Taskmaster asked, opening the back of the van and ducking another jet before grabbing his shield from inside. To his relief, it didn't look damaged; whatever power allowed their ridiculous new foe to fire water hard enough to penetrate steel, it apparently couldn't get through genuine vibranium.
"Nope. Have you?"
"Nope. Damn. Uhh...what's water weak against?" Using his shield for cover, Tony peeked out over the edge of the van. He managed to block the next projectile, but even though it couldn't get through the shield, it nearly sent him right back off his feet again. It was raining harder now, the drizzle having erupted into a genuine torrent.
"According to my Pokemon game, Electricity and...Graaaaasss? Does Bagalia have any local parks?" Black Ant checked his phone.
"--Electricity, Eric. We're gonna go with electricity."
"That's probably the better idea, yes. I'll distract, you zap?"
"Bingo, little buddy." They bumped fists and then Eric shrank, using the Pym Particles in his suit to minimize his profile. By the time he was done, he was barely six inches tall.
"The weather's gonna make this tricky," Black Ant warned. "It's a lot harder to ignore dog-sized rain, so make it quick!" Proving his point, the next droplet smacked square into his back, sending him stumbling as he dove out into the open, growing to catch Jason's attention. "Hey, jackass!" Shrinking even smaller when he was shot at, he successfully seemed to grab the man's attention.
"Disruptor arrows won't quite do the trick by themselves," Tony grumbled to himself, fishing a few out from the van and glancing around. They could, however, cause the chain reaction he needed. Waiting until Jason's back was turned as he chased Black Ant with his attacks, Tony took aim and launched his shield upwards, perfectly mimicking the stance of Captain America as he released. This was going to be tricky, even for him - but it was the best idea he had.
The sharpened edge of his shield cut a power line crossing the street, sending it whipping loudly towards the street. His attention drawn, Jason turned to regard the cable, jumping out of the way as it crackled and swung past like an electrified vine. "You morons; you think I'm not paying attention to you, Taskmaster?!"
"I'm hoping you are." Lifting his bow away from Jason and towards the sky, Taskmaster fired his disruptor arrow just in time as another blast of water smashed into his stomach. The protective fabric of his costume managed to protect him from the worst of it, as he'd been counting on -- but he could still feel at least four ribs break from the sheer concussive force; without being able to penetrate, the powerful jet had dissipated painfully against his body. "Rrgh."
Assuming he'd made Taskmaster miss, Jason was forced to turn his attention back to Black Ant, who was launching himself at the man in a seemingly desperate gambit. In truth, it was simply a distraction from the disruptor arrow -- Taskmaster had gauged his shot carefully, using every combined skill he'd gained from Bullseye, Hawkeye, and Cap in the process...along with a little trust in his best friend. Rebounding off the shield that was still sailing downward from the arc of its throw, the arrow ricocheted perfectly towards Jason Waterfalls, hitting him square in the back. His body surged with the EMP contained in the arrowhead; he staggered forward, swinging wildly at Black Ant, who ducked behind him to catch the power line on its next swing, jabbing it square into Jason's eyes.
"You...mother--!!" The man roared before his teeth began to chatter from the current running through him. Launched like an uncoiling spring, he catapulted himself to the ground with bone-crushing impact as his muscles seized.
"Huh," Black Ant murmured. "I kinda figured he was MADE of water."
"--Yeah, me too." Taskmaster nudged the body with his foot once it stopped moving. "I guess a power line to the face is gonna put you down either way, though. Nice job."
"Thanks. --Shield!"
Without looking up, Taskmaster lifted his arm to catch it. "I know. They never watch the shield on the way back, do they?"
"It's a little sad, honestly. --Hey, let's go see what they were shipping, anyways. Stupid name or not, this guy was some pretty serious muscle. Maybe we can sell it." Eric made his way towards the APC, quickly checking for other survivors in the front seat and shaking his head. "Clear! Now for the loot." Rubbing his hands together, he circled around to open the back hatch. "Come to Eri--oh."
Swallowing hard, Eric looked up. "...Tasky? You might want to come see this."
Taskmaster grabbed his sword, following Eric to take in what he'd found. He couldn't remember the last time he'd heard his pal sound so distressed, but it didn't take long for him to figure out why. "--Ah, hell."
Curled up in a group as far away as they could be from the costumed mercenaries, half a dozen children, none looking over ten years old, stared at them with wide eyes.