Chapter Text
Failing the SOLDIER exam was a blow to the stomach, something that made Cloud’s heart drop and his mind reel with thoughts of how he was never going to make it. He couldn’t bring himself to look Zack in the eye, even more ashamed that only days later the older saw him curled in on himself, stomach turning with a sickness he knew he should’ve been able to control.
Zack was kind as always, if not a little apprehensive to get close in fear of being puked on. His cheerful tone and invitation to grab a bite to eat off duty had eased Cloud’s mind a little, causing the other to smile at him.
“Maybe, if I can keep anything down. Thanks, Zack.” He spoke quietly, shoulders lurching as he felt another wave of sickness. Zack just placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a friendly squeeze before jogging off to chase after Hollander.
Even in Nibelheim, Zack covered for him when he didn’t want to be recognised by anyone back home, especially Tifa. The older had carried himself with such cheer and confidence, Cloud couldn't help but smile when he knew nobody was looking.
Even the memories he had barely any real recognition of, blurry visions of the ground moving beneath him or the feel of a weight pressed against his hip, Zack was always looking out for him. He always had his back, always protected him in his own way.
And even separated from his body, unable to move or communicate due to the intensity of the mako poisoning, he could tell the other had let his guard down. The soft pleas for him to wake up, the way he’d cradle his head to his chest whenever they had to sleep out in the wild, the little nicknames that would pass the other’s lips as he chatted away to keep them entertained, it all boiled down to one obvious emotion.
And Cloud wished more than anything that he could reply, place his hand in Zack’s and smile up at him, maybe call him out for being such a sap.
But all he could do was sit there, head hung low as he heard the sounds of guns, cries of pain and calls for more back up until it all faded out into nothing.
It was odd, he thought, that when he could no longer be of any use, he had some control of his body back. The feeling of the dirt beneath him as he dragged himself over to the older was the only thing grounding him, the sight ahead of him not yet sinking in.
But it only took a flash of red, a stray thread of clothing swaying in the wind for the gravity of the situation to sink in. Zack was dying, staring up at the sky with his hand loosely clenched around the handle of his sword.
His eyes sparked in recognition once Cloud had emerged in his vision, a smile appearing on his face, even if it was only a shadow of what Cloud knew.
Zack’s voice flooded his senses, almost too loud for him to bare as he hovered over the older, helpless and desperate. Time was running short and as Zack pulled Cloud’s head to his chest, his heart shattered into a million pieces.
Walking away from Zack had been the hardest thing Cloud had ever done, but he knew he had too, otherwise, what was it all for. He had to live. He’d promised.
Now much older, laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling, he let himself take a few shaking breaths. The knowledge he’d forgotten the other made his stomach spin in a way he only remembered form when he was weaker.
Tears filled his eyes as he thought about the fight fast approaching, against Sephiroth. Everything was on his shoulders now and, more than ever, he didn’t feel like he was enough. All he wanted was Zack’s hand on his shoulder, smile bright and adoring as he cheered him on, words of encouragement and pride leaving his mouth. If Cloud closed his eyes, he could almost hear them.
That was enough to make him keep going, to fulfil his promise to Zack. Even if it felt like the world was on fire, everything around him crashing and burning, he had to find the strength. Before, he would’ve seeked out the older for advice, but for now, all he had was the reminder of what he was alive for, of who his life had been centred around from that first day Zack had beamed a smile his way.
All he needed, ever needed, was Zack.