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Remus watched Logan sink out somewhat upset. He told himself that it was because he was the only trait in there that treated him like a fellow trait rather than an annoyance other than Decee (the latest nickname for his best friend) but he knew that was only half of the truth. He took out his phone in a futile attempt to distract himself from his growing uneasiness.
Roman seemed to decide that it was officially annoy Remus O'Clock.
"So, what are you doing here exactly Remus? Have no one better to pester? Of course, there is no one better than me, but surely you can leave me alone for once in your life?"
"But how could I when you make yourself such an easy target, oh brother of mine?"
Remus could tell that that wasn't the answer he expected but Remus was feeling out of it at the moment. He had been positively (scratch that, negatively) beside himself with worry. Not that he could be beside him self. Then again, they were all parts of Thomas so they were all Thomas next to Thomas etc. etc. He was getting of track. Point is, he didn't feel quite right. He hadn't since-
'Since Logan left the conversation.'
Shut up!
'You know I'm right though. No one has even said anything about it. Do they not care? Is this a regular occurrence? How many times have they forced him out of the conversation only for no one to care? They say he has no emotions but he seemed to be teary-eyed. Does no one notice? Why don't they seem care about him?'
He glanced back down at his phone, not bothering to argue. He knew it was true, and it tore him up inside. His phone was on silent (he didn't want the others to be anymore annoyed with him than necessary, not that anyone would text him anyway unless it was to tell him of how his latest fuck up had ruined someone elses' day) and saw the pop-up that told him Decee had just texted him.
'What? We are literally standing next to each other? Why can't he just tell me?' he thought curiously to himself. He opened the message anyway.
Decee: Why don't you go and talk to Logan? He looked upset so you should go and comfort him so we don't have to see you this distraught and pining. (And no before you ask, I am the only one who has noticed, even though they are confused as to why you are being so quiet.)
He understood why he had texted him now and glared playfully at his best friend who was smirking slightly. He was slightly relieved. He had been given just the excuse he needed to fuel his confidence (which was already severely lacking.) And with that, Remus sank out arriving out side of Logan's door, looking at the now seemingly daunting obstacle in his path. He wondered if it was similar to Logan as it was to him. Every idea immediately shot down, every comment deemed not necessary and unimportant. He silently looked at the door in sympathy for the side behind it. After all, it wasn't unusual for Remus to stay up all night, trying to avoid the nightmares that he knew were to come, only to cry himself to sleep under the reassurances that no one would care.
Decee had told him countless time that he cared but try as he might, he couldn't bring himself to believe him whole heartedly. How could anyone care about such a disgusting individual as himself?
He realised he was starting to spiral and before it got worse and he could back out of his decision, he knocked on the door.
He heard a pen clatter to the desk the owner was using to write on.
"Who is it?" a voice called out in surprise. The voice was a bit raspy, a sudden contrast from the familiar silky smoothness Remus was used to.
'He's surprised. No one checks up on him after they are finished tearing him to shreds. They probably don't even apologise. And they call us and Decee monsters. Tear them into pieces. See how they like it for once. Make them hurt. Make them suffer. Make them die.'
He ignored the last bit, even tough the thought of them hurting Logan without a care in the word made his blood boil. But he was here to comfort Logan, not seek retribution.
'Yet anyway.'
Agreed.
"It's Remus." He waited for a second, trying to figure out what to say.
"I just wanted to check up on you." He started to fidget anxiously and muttered something about wanting Logan to be okay to his shoes, not even sure if Logan could hear him at this point. And even if he could, why would he trust Remus? Yeah, he told the truth basically all of the time and had said such before, but Logan had no reason to believe him. And even then, he might think that this was all some trick to hurt him. Remus didn't want to hurt him! He would rather die than know that he was the reason for even one moment's jolt of sadness. He would gladly die for Logan. He- heard the door open.
Logan peered round the side of the door and Remus swore that he could feel a part of him die. He looked so upset. It was clear that he had just been crying and had splashed water in his face hurriedly to cover that up. He looked vulnerable. Remus had a massive urge to pick him up and gently place kisses all over his face until he felt better.
Ugh, what was up with that?
"Salutations."
"Hey."
.
.
.
'Well then... This isn't awkward at all, is it?'
Oi, I know it is but you don't have to say it,
"Would you like to come in?"
Remus nodded slightly and watched as Logan opened the door open wider.
"Thanks."
"No Problem."
Remus looked around. The walls looked like a forest at night and when it met with the celling it looked like a mere continuation of the forest scene as it was covered in stars and constellations and Remus knew all of them were in the right place. Not because of an immense knowledge of astrology, but because of the love that they were so obviously painted with. They could change their rooms at will but Remus had a suspicion the Logan had taken the time and effort to paint it by hand.
"I didn't know you could paint! It's really good. There is enough detail to make it seem realistic and yet still make it look calmingly simple. I really like that. Most of my stuff has too much detail. Or as Roman likes to call it, graphic." He pulled a face at that word. He didn't like it when people said his work was 'graphic' because that often meant 'gross' and 'disgusting'. Like him! He laughed a bit about that, but is was an empty, bitter laugh.
He looked around the rest of the room. It was quite simple. A wardrobe, a bed, a desk, a spinney chair to go with it and a door that Remus suspected lead to an en suite.
He looked back at Logan and saw that he looked shocked, which confused Remus a bit.
"You- you noticed."
Remus just looked even more confused at this statement.
"How did you know that I painted it?"
Ohhhh, that's what he was referring to.
"It's obvious! When you summon things, they are perfect, exactly what you want or need, but this." He paused. "You can see each paint stroke, you can see the precision needed and the time involved. You can see the pride of finishing it and being happy with the results, not to mention it feels a lot more personal than anything summoned. It doesn't just 'match your aesthetic' or whatever, it makes it seem more like a home rather than just a place to work and sleep. It's comforting whereas all of the other rooms feel copy-pasted sterile. Almost as if it doesn't matter to them, but it's obvious how it matters to you, which is why it is so obvious you painted it. It means something to you."
Logan was smiling slightly.
He had made him smile.
Remus had made Logan smile.
"No one else has noticed before."
Logan looked like he was thinking and sat down on the bed.
"Did you really just come by to see how I am?"
"Of course! I care about you and when I saw you were upset, I wanted to try to help."
Logan smiled again. it was still a small smile, but was a smile nonetheless and it made Remus' heart soar.
"Thank you. I really appreciate that."
Remus sat down next to Logan on the bed. Near enough for it to not send out the message that he didn't want to but far enough away that it wasn't weird.
*Logan's POV (Point Of View)*
I didn't miss what had happened when Remus was talking about what Roman thought of his art. I decided not to say anything though, in favour of not upsetting him. Also, because he noticed things no one else did. He cared. He came to me to make sure I was okay when no one else bothered and I wasn't going to mess it all up by upsetting him.
I didn't quite know why, but the fact that he did seem to care so much created a certain warmth in my chest. So I decided to steer the conversation towards something else. He seemed relieved.
After a bit of chatter about my painting, we sat on the bed in near silence.
"Do you want a hug?"
"What?" I replied, slightly confused about where this had figuratively come from.
"Nothing! It's just- whenever I have a breakdown, or just any negative emotions really, I always want a hug. No pressure if you don't want to! I just thought it might make you feel a bit better."
I looked at him as he desperately tried to avoid my gaze. (gayz)
"That sounds like a good idea Remus. Thank you."
"Really?"
I nodded slightly.
"But non of my ideas are good..." I heard him mutter to himself.
"Falsehood. You have had a multitude of good ideas in the time I have known you."
He looked at me shocked as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
He didn't bother to respond and merely held his arms out.
He seemed to be happy at my answer, however.
*Remus' POV*
He nervously got up and wrapped his arms around my waist, sitting down closer to me and tucking his head into my shoulder. I gently placed my arms around him, feeling his chest rise and fall with his breaths. It was comforting and I didn't realise how much I needed it until it happened. A voice in the back of my mind reminded me that I was supposed to be doing this for Logan and for me to enjoy it was selfish but at this point, I didn't care.
"Do you feel a bit better Lo?"
'What are you doing? Giving him a nickname? He barely even knows you. The REAL you, not the one you present the supposed 'light' sides. He is going to hate you for this. He is probably only pretending he can tolerate you so that he can get comfort then eventually betray you, saying that you manipulated him and pass blame onto you to gain sympathy and respect from the others. Why else would he be doing this?'
No! He wouldn't do that!
'Oh yeah? Then why would he-'
Logan chuckled slightly. "Yes thank you Remus."
He didn't mind!
'He didn't say anything about it, that's different!'
Logan always says if he doesn't like things though. He didn't mind! And he laughed! He has such a pretty laugh.
'You useless gay.'
Yeah...
I shifted slightly and his grip on me tightened.
"Please don't go!" I looked at him, slightly shocked. He sounded genuinely scared. And for once, the thing the person was scared of wasn't me. It was the absence of me.
"I'm not going anywhere." I said, holding him closer.
I'll always be here for you Lo.
He sighed slightly, and looked like he was wondering what to say next.
"Sorry. I have done some research recently on certain symptoms I have been displaying and have come to the conclusion that I am touch starved. I did not mean to shout like that but it further backs up the hypothesis. If you- never mind." He closed his eyes guiltily and gave of the impression that he had done something wrong.
I know that he can do no wrong though.
'Gayyyyyyyy.'
I understood what Logan meant. "Do you want me to stay for a bit?"
He smiled slightly. "That would be satisfactory. Once again, my apologies."
"No need. If it helps, then I don't mind. You don't have to apologise. Especially when it isn't your fault."
How could they have let him get this bad? Did they not like him? Why? How could anyone not like this perfect little nerd?
"But it is my fault."
I went to instantly deny what he was saying but stopped myself. Maybe if I can find out what Logan meant I could help him work through it. After all, it is very difficult to believe someone who doesn't know all of the facts. Plus, Logan seemed to work through things better when there is supporting evidence rather than just incessant denial. And it would come full circle and make him feel listened to!
'Wow. Be careful there Remus. You thought so hard you might break something. Just- BOOM! and your brain is splattered everywhere. Thinking is a very dangerous thing for someone like you to do. Especially as you have never thought in the past.'
Not true! I have!
'Suuurrrreeeee.'
"What make you think that it is your fault?"
Logan peered up at me in disbelief. "Are you kidding? I drive everyone away. I don't understand emotions and therefore I am basically ignoring the biggest part of Thomas. They matter so much to him and though I have tried, I cannot seem to grasp what emotion feels what way and I can't make sense of them and I'm useless-"
"Woah there! Slow down, One thing at a time. Focus on your breathing and then try again. I'm here for you. There's no need to rush. Take your time. M'kay, Lo?"
Logan let his head drop onto my shoulder once again.
"Everything I do and everything I stand for time and time again gets ridiculed. I obviously do something wrong otherwise they wouldn't act the way they do. Right? And I think it's because I am so inept on the emotional front. It's so difficult. I don't even know how I'm feeling most of the time so how an I supposed to gauge their emotions? They say that I'm an emotionless robot but I just don't know how to express myself. Even when I do try, I get mocked or become too nervous and scared of making an embarrassment of myself to actually follow through. I know it's stupid but I need them to accept me both for the well-being of Thomas and for my own piece of mind but don't know how to talk to them without seeming emotionless or distant. I guess I hide behind my words? I use big words to seem smarter but really I'm just a coward."
His voice was slightly muffled but clear as day to me and every comment that was even slightly negative towards himself pierced through me like a thousand knives. Oh Logie. If only you knew how much you meant to me.
"That's a lot to unpack but I think the easiest way is to show you."
Logan looked up at me again. His crying had resumed and he didn't even bother to try to cover it up this time. Part of the way through the rant, I had felt his body start to shake with sobs but didn't acknowledge it encase he was trying to not make it obvious. I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable.
"What do you mean show me?"
I pulled him onto my lap.
'Subtle.'
"Well, what fandoms are you in? Maybe we have some similar ones that we can talk about?"
He still looked like he didn't know what the hell I was on about but started listing book and film series that he liked. We started to talk about Doctor Who and he seemed to relax. We joked and theorised and referenced and every time he laughed I fell in love with him that little bit more.
I looked at Logan who had his head on my shoulder once more and was giggling happily. I smiled at the thought that I was the one that had caused it.
"Weeping angles scare the shit out of me," he stated simply. "I can't even look a statue in the face they've fucked me up that badly."
I laughed slightly. "Surely that is more dangerous. They are only a threat when no one is looking at them after all."
He groaned. "Nooooo. Don't say that." He was still laughing slightly though so I didn't feel too bad.
"So, do you get it now?"
"What do you mean Re?"
He gave me a nickname!!!!!!!!
'Calm the fuck down.'
He-
'I know. Now shut up you gay piece of trash and answer him for fucks sake.'
"How do you feel?"
He looked at me, an eyebrow raised in curiosity. He sighed and cuddled against me again before answering.
"Happy. It is nice having someone to talk to about these things. It is freeing and... strangely comforting."
"Okay. Now, who said they didn't know about emotions?"
A moment's silence. Then-
"You cheated."
I tried not to but pretty much instantly my shoulders were shacking with barely repressed mirth. I felt him start to laugh too and soon we were consumed by a bout of silent giggles. Sleep deprivation must have hit us pretty hard pretty quickly because for some reason, that was the funniest thing that had been said all night. To us anyway.
When we finally calmed down enough to be able to breath without being chocked up by more cycles of laughter where one of us laughing caused the other to laugh too and vice versa, I realised how tired I really was.
"We should probably get to sleep."
The look Logan gave me after I said that almost broke me.
"You're going?"
"Nope. I said we, right? And I did say earlier that I wasn't going to leave. Unless you want me to?"
Logan shook his head immediately.
"That settles it then, doesn't it?"
I lay down on the bed, making sure our heads were on the pillow. I then waved my head changing our clothes to something more comfortable and making the duvet cover us both completely. I felt Logan tangle our legs together and cuddle closer. That made me smile.
"Night Re."
"Night Lo."
I placed my head above his and gently kissed his hair before falling asleep.
The Next Morning
*Deceit's POV*
I didn't see Remus get back last night and he wasn't in his room his morning. The last I knew, he was going to see Logan, so I started my search there.
I reached the door unseen and knocked once.
"Who?"
"Deceit."
I heard the door click and slowly swing open, smirking slightly as I saw the two sleepy sides cuddled up to each other.
"Morning."
"Nope. I'm 'sleep."
That made me laugh a bit. I had never heard the logical side speak in anything but proper English so this was quite the turn out for the books.
"Well then, I suppose there is nothing I can do. After all, It is healthier to wake up naturally rather than forced. I shall just have to leave and wait for them to wake up on their own. Such a shame."
I left, closing the door softly behind me. Neither were asleep, but who am I to stop them from basking in each other's company? After all, It was I who had encouraged Remus to visit Logan in the first place.
So I walked away, knowing that the next few weeks would become unbearable as Remus gushed over Logan even more than he already did but it would be worth it to see Remus happy for once. They are good for each other and I know that it will be quite the show when the 'light' sides find out, but I don't think either will care very much by that point. I reach the door to the passage to the 'dark' sides and turn back with a smile.
"Good luck."