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"Leaving again?"
Phoenix glances behind him, eyebrows raised.
Standing in the doorway is Kristoph Gavin, even though he was sure he had locked the door earlier.
But then again, he can't quite remember if he did or not. Maybe he didn't? Maybe he didn't and he's just paranoid that Kristoph can just pop in and claim whatever spot he wants and talk to Phoenix, and then talking becomes touching, and touching becomes -
Phoenix then eases back into a sly smile, eyes narrowed.
"What makes you think that?"
The plane ticket is right there, behind him, in Charley's dirt.
He can't force him to stay. He won't find it. There's no reason for him to look in the dirt. He can't keep him. He needs to be in Europe. Miles needs him in Europe.
He needs Miles.
Kristoph can't force him to stay again.
"You don't have to tell me things for me to know," the unwanted man says vaguely.
He steps forward, and Phoenix forces himself not to glance at Charley.
"Going back to that man in Europe, are you? Desperate, are you? Still in love?"
Phoenix doesn't remember telling him any of this, but then again, there's a lot that he doesn't remember doing when he's not sober.
And he always needs a drink to deal with Kristoph.
And recently, Kristoph hasn't bothered to make sure Phoenix is under the influence before he makes him spill information, before he makes him do things he'd never do sober, before he pulls down Phoenix's pants and-
"What do you want, Kristoph?" Phoenix almost says it with a grimace, but ends up attaching a smile at the end, in order to appease him, so he doesn't lose his good mood.
"You're not running away from me, Phoenix, are you?"
Phoenix shakes his head.
It'd be easy though. He could stay with Miles, who had offered several times. Get him to charter a jet to gather up essential belongings and Trucy, and he'd never have to deal with Kristoph ever again.
"Hm... unfortunately for you, I don't believe you."
Phoenix's eyes widen.
Kristoph steps over to the medicine cabinet, opening it and examining it.
At the beginning of his friendship, Phoenix would have protested, because he would have seen his hormone shots and his birth control that clearly has his name on it, and he would have died rather than let someone like Kristoph Gavin find out.
But somehow, along the way, he still found out.
Found out, and started treating Phoenix as if he was less of a man just because he didn't have a meat stick and two sensitive balls.
"There will be consequences," he says plainly, tilting his head. "If you try to escape. Because you can't escape me, Phoenix, but I think you've known that all along."
Kristoph grabs the bottle - fuck, it's his back-up birth control pills, no, no, no, no - and holds it up, smiling.
Phoenix hates that smile.
"I intend on making you carry my baby."
Phoenix hisses internally. Although he's on testosterone, there's a possibility he can still get pregnant without the proper precautions.
And now, with this gone, he-
"You'll come back, Wright. Your daughter needs you, after all, yes?" Kristoph's glasses glint in the light. "... I'll see you when you return."
Kristoph slips the bottle in his pocket, waves goodbye to Phoenix as if they were close friends, and closes the door behind him.
With Trucy in school, soon to be picked up and taken on a week-long trip to Kurain Village, there's no one around to see him break down into tears when he realizes how fucked up, how far gone he is into a situation he doesn't know how to crawl out of.
-
With his daughter being threatened implicitly if he doesn't return, Phoenix stays awake for the entire flight, even though he hates jetlag and he hates long flights and he hates turbulence.
-
Near the end of his flight, he knows what he has to do.
-
"There you are, Wright," that familiar voice, that comfort, that presence that is more home than any place could ever be, speaks up. "I almost thought you were lost within the crowds- oof-"
Phoenix stumbles into his embrace, Miles' body tensing up as he feels the man crumble on him.
"Miles," Phoenix lets out a shaky sob.
Miles stands there for a moment, letting Phoenix take comfort in his embrace. He doesn't tease any longer, doesn't say things about how infuriating he is, but just listens, even if Phoenix doesn't say anything verbally.
-
Phoenix immediately knocks out in Miles' car, dead exhausted.
He got into the passenger seat, slurred about fancy Italian leather, and promptly knocked out.
-
When he wakes up, he's on the guest bed, Miles sitting in a chair next to the bed with a thick book in hand.
"Miles, is - is 'zat you?" Phoenix slurs.
Phoenix watches as Miles looks up in shock, setting down the book. Crouching next to him at the bed, Miles' brows seem to be permanently furrowed in concern and exasperation.
"Wright, you're tired. Did you not sleep on the plane?"
Phoenix shakes his head and almost laughs when he sees Miles frown again, giving him an exhausted look.
"Get some rest, Wright, please."
Phoenix nods as he closes his eyes, submitting himself to the darkness of the void.
He's safe, he's home, no one can hurt him here.
-
When he wakes up, he's alone.
When he meets Miles in the kitchen, he makes a crude joke to announce his appearance.
Miles simply rolls his eyes and quips back, setting a plate of food in front of him.
Neither of them mentions it.
-
A couple of days after his arrival, just five days before he has to leave on yet another plane, Phoenix decides he needs to do it before it's too late, before he loses the willpower to enact his plan.
Summoning all of his impulsivity and recklessness, Phoenix walks into Miles' room and announces his presence with the three words that have been haunting him since they were both nine years old.
"I love you."
Miles jerks up in bed, but Phoenix isn't sure if he's surprised by his sudden appearance or the words that just came out of his mouth.
It's probably both.
"... Phoenix..." Miles says lowly. "... We've talked about this. No relationship, nothing beyond simple friendship, until everything's back in order. Remember?"
Nothing else is important to him except the way that his given name is flowing out of Miles' mouth.
"We don't have to put a label on it," Phoenix responds, under his breath, but knowing that Miles can still hear him.
"Come on, Miles."
Phoenix steps towards Miles, but it ends up making him fall to his knees, pleading at the edge of Miles' bed.
"Please."
Miles seems taken aback. "You-"
"Please, we don't need to talk about it. I just need this. I need this, you don't understand, Miles-"
Phoenix glances down for a second.
"Don't you want this? Don't you want me?"
Miles gulps.
There's a very long pause as Miles carefully glances over Phoenix's face, taking in the desperate expression on his face and the way he's begging.
Phoenix is very sure he's never looked so desperate, never begged so hard in front of Miles before.
"... I do," Miles says softly after a long moment.
Phoenix nearly bursts into tears.
-
I'm sorry, Miles. I'm sorry.
I love you. I want you. And I need you to... do this for me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm-
-
Miles had gently pulled Phoenix closer to him, setting aside everything else to look at the way Phoenix is right there in front of him, willing to give everything to him.
(Because he is.)
"Are you... on the pill?"
Phoenix swallows. "Yes."
Miles raises his eyebrow. "Phoenix."
Phoenix grits his teeth. "I'm safe and consenting, and I don't have anything, alright? Do you ... have anything?"
"No." Miles shakes his head. "I checked about half a year ago, and haven't ... had sexual contact since."
"Alright, then," Phoenix pleads desperately. "Let's just- Don't worry about me."
Miles raises an eyebrow but does exactly what he's told.
-
I'm not on my birth control. I'm having unprotected sex. I'm going - I'm going to be pregnant, but if I can do anything about it, it'll be Miles. I can't let him claim me like this. I need you to do this, Miles, I'm so, so sorry-
-
"Fuck me, Miles, please," Phoenix whines desperately, wholly naked.
Miles, clothed only from the hips up, tilts his head. "... Are you sure about this?"
"So sure about this," Phoenix says, absolutely sure about having sex with the love of his life, not so sure about his plan to deceive Kristoph, and absolutely terrified about being pregnant.
Miles doesn't say anything else, just kisses him chastely.
-
As Miles takes him from behind, Phoenix sobs silently as he succumbs himself to the only solution that would save him.
-
"Oh, you're back," Kristoph tilts his head, smiling widely. He's standing there, waiting for him at the airport, like a dedicated friend. "It took you a while to get off the plane - I thought you had somehow... forgotten about the consequences."
Phoenix walks ahead, holding his luggage.
"Me, forget about consequences, Kristoph?"
Phoenix turns to him, a single raise of his eyebrow.
"I could never."
-
When Kristoph drugs him a day later and takes him, simply ravaging him into unconsciousness over and over again, all Phoenix can think about during those conscious moments is the positive pregnancy test that he bought and tested himself with during his layover.
-