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Words became crisp. Monosyllabic. Used only out of necessity. Movements harsh, fighting to contain the building storm.
After two weeks, Janeway had enough of waiting for it to pass or fizzle out. Her patience fizzled first.
Seven had left her duty shift early, allowing Icheb to take her post in the astrometrics lab.
Janeway found her, among debris behind the regeneration alcoves, trying to angrily repair ... or from the looks of it... destroy, her unit.
Repetitive shoulder rolls, finger twitches, and neck stretches screamed with the silent painful agitation that sparked through the younger woman.
"Seven."
"If you are here to reprimand me for leaving my duty shift, please think of a more suitable punishment than confining me to quarters."
"Your absence from work does not require a punishment."
"Starfleet protocol --"
"Isn't applicable in this situation."
A tool clattered as it swiftly met the wall.
"I thought rules were in place for a reason."
The ex drone still hadn't looked at her captain. Instead she was trying to force her attention into a tedious task that would not cooperate with her fatigued brain cells.
"Sometimes, there are certain factors that dictate a deviation be granted." Janeway turned so her back was facing Seven's. A courtesy... a release of pressure, so as not to stare at the obviously distraught being on the floor.
The captain felt her instincts prickle, tiny currents of electricity rushing up her body before lightning struck.
And strike it did in an epic opening crescendo.
"Then how am I ever supposed to become human if I cannot figure out how to behave where the outcome is a certainty? Things are either correct or incorrect and I do not know what to do when there are all these hidden excuses and exceptions thrown in!!!"
"Seven, what happened?"
"My alcove is not functioning efficiently. I cannot regenerate." Another piece of metal alloy followed the tool's trajectory and joined it across the room.
"I don't think that's what is at the core of this ... tension."
"I've had to do things that make me uncomfortable. That I do not like or enjoy, yet you encourage me to do them. Why?"
"Because I wanted to give you opportunities and not close yourself off to experience without trying it first. If something is still making you uncomfortable or causing anxiety, please talk to me about it. We could come up with troubleshooting solutions or perhaps discuss the cessation of an activity if you are finding it to be harmful to your wellbeing."
She could feel the thunder rumbling in Sevens mind, vibrating in her own chest.
The turmoil was thick and heavy, but Janeway stood strong against the battering of torrential hail and rain....
As it started to let up and a cloud of silence hung around them once again, she spoke.
"Seven... I know you are caught in the midst of something terribly confusing and frightening, but i am going to need you to make the next move here, alright?"
She planned to ask questions and give options, so Seven's scorched and overtaxed neurons didn't fire up again.
"How long has it been since you regenerated?"
"17 days, 12 hours, 38 minutes."
Dear Lord, no wonder....
"Would you like to be left alone right now?"
"Yes. And no. Not particularly. I don't know!!"
Her emotions flared, clashing with each other, being inefficient in letting one single answer rise to the surface.
"This is one of those circumstances where there is not a right or wrong answer. I will give you options and tell you what they would mean to me, if that will help your decisions."
A clench of a jaw made the starburst implant jump. Janeway took it as confirmation of her offer.
"If you would like to come with me to my quarters, I have taken the rest of the evening and all of tomorrow off. I will not be offended if you choose to decline this offer, but know that my door is open any time, alright? I am worried about you, so I may come visit you unless I am expressly told not to. If you need to seek comfort or reassurance, I am here. On your terms."
She desperately wanted to pull Seven into her arms and cradle her, rock her and sway with the brutal wind of mental turmoil until the storm was over. She wanted to hold her close and keep her safe while she slept...
A few meters away, Seven wanted the same but the guilt and feelings of betrayal drown out her desire for comfort. She longed to crawl into the older woman's embrace...
"I betrayed you."
"What?"
"I did something I regret and I cannot change it or undo it or erase/reprogram algorithms to make it seem like it never happened. I'm sorry."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Unless Seven was offering Voyager up to the Borg....
"I cannot. I... don't feel...I.." shame descended upon her, flooded her veins.
"Seven honey, come here. What happened?"
The bold spitfire defiance was gone from her downcast eyes.
"Captain... "
"I do not wish to be left alone, but I feel as though I should be."
Janeway didn't want to pressure her, but she couldn't leave her. Whatever the catalyst was, leaving would be more detrimental than....
"I want you to subtract yourself and your decision from all your research and protocols and what you think is the correct expectation...and tell me what you need or would like from me right now in this moment. Instinct alone, what is your first inclination?"
"I need you to be both captain... and friend."
"Okay. Now I need you to put yourself where you want to be. In this moment, you move yourself wherever you feel you need to be in order to get the comfort and friendship you seek."
This was hard. Treading an invisible intricate line. "Let your instincts take over. It's alright."
Seven was suddenly in front of her, the twitching and rhythmic clenching of muscles visible beneath the biosuit.
"Come on." Janeway pulled her in closely, holding the stiff trembling body. Seven's arms folded in against her chest.
... they descend to the floor
It was here, in this desperate and vulnerable moment, cradled against her captain, that Seven became aware of what was missing.
The feeling of completion, belonging and comfort tore sobs of despair from the ex-drone.
Fear, apprehension, regret at what will never be.