Chapter Text
The waiting room chairs were not comfortable.
It wasn’t the hospital’s fault. Not in the least. Public chairs were made with the average person in mind and he was anything but. His towering form squirmed as he tried to get comfortable, tried not to think about it, thought about it, thought about it a lot –
The PA system crackled its constant stream of commands for this doctor or announcements for families of that patient. He strained to catch the name he wanted to hear, grew slightly more irritated each time the name wasn’t the right one
Don’t pace, people will notice
Don’t think about it, it’ll only drive you mad.
Don’t rub your hands together, they have
…
The crimson stains. He hadn’t washed his hands. Knew he would be asked to before he stepped farther into the hospital. He didn’t want to, not just yet. Washing would be forgetting and he refused to let himself forget what just happened
Don’t think about it
Don’t don’t don’t
Is don’t all you have to say??
He squirmed in the chair once more as another name was called.
His throat ached with copper rawness, his arms sore, his head still throbbing. He felt separate from the rest of the world, a surreal sense of wondering how the world was still moving at its regular pace as he sat there in his own pit of misery.
He stared at his bloodied hands, still waiting to hear his kid’s name but tuning everything else out. Every moment was turning into a struggle not to leap up and loudly demand answers. And because he was All Might, they’d quickly jump to obey him.
He leaned his head into the crooks of his arms, red fingers splayed in the air so as not to get blood in his hair.
He had to wait. He needed to be patient.
BUT–!!!
Don’t think about it
The heat
The screaming
Don’t think about it–
Izuku’s stricken face
Don’t–
As he had looked up to Toshi, blood streaming down his face
DON’T–
As his tight grasp had weakened and slipped from Toshi’s shirt
His heart thudded painfully, remembering
How he had knelt over the boy
Thud
How he watched his world crash down around him
Thud
How his fist formed quickly and tightly, nails biting deep into his palm. The pain hadn’t deterred him, only spurred him
Thud
The brightness of the hospital took over once more and his throat constricted. His hands now throbbing in unison with his heart, hands covered in more than just his blood, hands that had acted with a single purpose
To release the fury and the hate
To unleash pain until they were numb
He closed his eyes, horrified.
…
Just let me see my boy
A soft pleading prayer
Spoken? Only thought?
He didn’t know
please just let me see him, let me know he’s ok, please oh please oh please
He forced his eyes open, stared at his hands in disgust
just let me know he’s ok, that’ll make it
Better? No.
Worth it? Well…
He had messed up. He had sworn he would never lose control like that, not since the first fight with All for One
but Izuku
A disdainful snort. The boy would not be his excuse. He would take responsibility for his lapse. And he knew he would shoulder that willingly a hundred times over if only
oh God, please let him be ok
His thoughts wound in jagged circles, cycling, cutting, replaying over and over.
Shame
Dismay
Shock
Fear
They plucked at him, dragged him down, it was getting hard to think of anything else–
“–Midoriya, room–”
His head snapped up, eyes wide and wild. He froze, making sure he had heard it right. And sure enough, amidst garbled static noises, he heard it again. Sprung to his feet and strode past the nurses’ station to go see his boy, his dear wonderful–
“Excuse me!”
A solid looking nurse blocked his way. "Sir, where do you think you are going?“
Toshinori blinked at this unexpected deterrent ( oh Lord, does Recovery Girl have extended family? ) and stammered out, "Midoriya, Room–”
“Visiting? In THAT state? Oh no no no, come with me, you got to get cleaned up first!”
And unwillingly, Toshi was pulled in the opposite direction, casting his gaze over his shoulder down the hallway. Kid….
Ten minutes later found a confused but cleaned up Toshi standing in the hallway again. He wiggled his bandaged fingers experimentally (the nurse had been quite noisy once she discovered his busted knuckles under the dirt and blood).
He remained where he was a moment then started reading room numbers, walking down the hallway.
He soon found the room, hesitated, then tapped the door with his fingertips.
Then, carefully, wondering if the door would creak, he pushed it open. He poked his head inside, unsure what he would find. Unsure of what to expect. Just knowing what he didn’t want to see.
“K-kid?”
Izuku drifted in a dark haze, feeling little but the tingling of OfA’s power rushing through every inch of his body and the sense of his own heavy breathing through his mouth. Not wanting to wake up any further for fear of feeling something more painful. Something in the back of his mind told him that something terrible had happened, but he didn’t want to remember what it was. For now, he floated in half-sleep.
A tapping noise pierced through the quiet of the hospital room.
Izuku felt a spike of fear at the sudden noise, but his limbs remained heavy and still where they were, feeling glued in place.
There was a soft hissing noise as the draught guard brushed against the floor. The door was opening. Izuku’s heart pounded even more than it already was. Gotta run gotta runrunrun someone’s HERE, THEY’RE HERE, STRANGER IN THE ROOM WHO IS IT ARE THEY GONNA KILL YOU they could stab you and you wouldn’t be able to escape unless you could MOVE, YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO MOVE, MOVE—
He couldn’t move.
“K-kid?”
Izuku’s heart leapt. IT’S HIM, IT’S HIM, IT’S REALLY ALL MIGHT HE’S HERE— A powerful sense of relief washed over him. You don’t have to move, he’s safe. You’re safe now that he’s watching you. He’ll protect you.
Protect
me?
All Might— Images flashed through his head rapidly. Fury. Blood. Rage and movement too fast to see and a twisted grimace and the horrible crunch and squish of bone and flesh and screams of— ….No. Izuku’s stomach turned. No……. please, no……….. please don’t let that have happened, it was all a dream, all a hallucination, right…? One of them must have had… a Quirk… that… did that to me, that made me see that……. o-or, a… oh no…. they could have had a Quirk that…. amplifies…. rage…… that… oh no, did it really happen—??
I need to see my boy
He couldn’t open the door fast enough
I have to see the kid
He didn’t want the door to open
He forced his eyes open
–and his breath caught painfully in his throat.
Izuku lay still
Dead he’s dead he’s oh God he’s
His mind picked up tiny details immediately to calm his blaring panic. Izuku’s chest rose in slow, steady movement. A monitoring device beside him kept quietly beeping diction. A get well card signed “Love, Mom”
Oh God, Inko, Inko, I’m so sorry
At least he was alive.
….at least?
Toshi choked down a dismayed noise.
Izuku looked so small, so still . The bandages he could handle; heroes often were in and out of bandages.
But being in this room meant they had had to stabilize him. To ensure he had survi–
Another strangled noise.
This is the reality for heroes, you know this.
But not him. Toshi had never wanted this for him. Especially not after he had promised Inko. She had trusted him to keep her child safe, the only reason she had let Izuku return to UA.
He looked for a chair, ready to take up a vigil, ready to tell Izuku
…what, exactly?
Whatever he wants. Just please be ok.
What happened what happened what happened
Did they do that to him?? All Might would never… would never… no. .. please say no he would never do that to me– FOR me, not to me, what?? No that’s weird don’t think that, he wouldn’t hurt me, he wouldn’t hurt anyone like that…. More memories of screams echoing in the dark alley where they fought. Had his own voice been one of them?
But….
His breathing rose with his heart rate.
???
WHAT HAPPENED, WHY–
A tiny, impossibly-high-pitched whine escaped his half-asleep body.
Toshi’s ears pricked up and he stared imploring at the small frame that encapsulated his whole world.
“….Izuku?”
The softest breathing of his name. Spoken with concern, with trepidation, with please reassure me you’re ok, please wake up sit up speak up
The uncertainty scraped at his heart.
The monitoring device beeped in slightly faster insistence, and Toshi frowned in worry.
Don’t panic don’t don’t don’t
Don’t again
Then do something
He pulled the chair to Izuku’s bedside, lowered himself into the seat, then reached out hesitantly. As if afraid to
Contaminate
Wake him too soon.
His hand wavered then gently rested on the messy mossy mop. Brushed it once then grimaced as he found locks hardened together by dried blood. Reminders.
Even so, his hand stayed.
Izuku’s breath caught, the touch sending shockwaves of awareness through his body that had grown used to feeling nothing but the same still position. His eyebrows furrowed, and he groaned softly as he tried to move, only succeeding in shifting his shoulders a bit.
!! He’s coming back around!
“Easy,” he murmured. He took the kid’s hand in his own and gently squeezed. Small scarred flesh cradled in large
dangerous
hands. Large clean hands. He had even washed under his nails. No need for Izuku to see–
His face contorted and he almost yanked his hand back. Instead, he kept his watch. “Don’t rush it, take your time, I’m–”
He swallowed hard. “…I-I’m here.”
“Easy.”
Izuku breathed deeply. In and out. I-I’m trying, I’ll do it! I’ll try….
More oxygen will wake me up. Just keep breathing deep….
One for All kept humming under his skin, wanting to pull him back into sleep. Into healing. It would be good for me to sleep though….
“Don’t rush it, take your time, I’m–”
Toshinori’s voice sounded so shaky. So afraid. Of what?
“…I-I’m here.”
I’m here too. A wave of determination swept through his heart, and he forced his hand to twitch in Toshinori’s.
His heart lurched as he felt the twitch.
–Izuku my boy I’m here I’m so sorry please come back you can come back now oh please just
He waited for further movement, his emphatic joy quickly dissolving.
It…it was probably just an unconscious twitch, doesn’t mean anything
He gazed at the hand cupped in his palm, willed it to move again.
This is your punishment for what you did.
His head bent over the hands, his thoughts running darker and darker.
And a single hot tear rained down, puddling in the folds of Izuku’s palm.